#so expect that at a later date

[theotherbuckley]

Okay but Tommy drops out of high school — he told his father he was gay and he told him he could either be homeless or go to military school. He goes to military school and joins the army and he likes flying the helicopters because it means he doesn’t have to do any of the killing himself. And he makes some friends.

There's one guy who's like the squad leader who's a few years old and built like a Greek god and Tommy's young and a little bit in love. And they're friends maybe even family because this whole group of people spend every waking (and sleeping) moment together. And they all talk like a family and they all say they love each other and tease each other and it's nice. And one night it's just the two of them trading a flask of some sort of alcohol that Tommy doesn't know the name of and the man asks Tommy why he joined the army and where he wants to be in five years and Tommy trusts this man. He's half way in love with him so he doesn't even think twice before he tells the story about the time he came out to his family and his father nearly beat him to death before sending him here. And the conversation tapers off after that and he doesn’t register the change in the air but when he wakes up the next morning he’s being dishonourably discharged because he poses “unacceptable risk to the high standards of morale, good order and discipline, and unit cohesion that are the essence of military capability”. He knows what that means.

Tommy joins the fire department because he doesn’t know what else to do. He represses anything regarding his sexuality because he knows now that it’s wrong. He almost feels like he has a family again because his captain seems to like him and some of the guys are cool even if they say things he doesn’t agree with. And then he starts agreeing because maybe they’re right and he’s wrong and he’s just inherently wrong. So he follows their leads and is just straight racist because that’s how he can fit in.

And then a black lesbian woman joins and says she’s a black lesbian woman and Tommy doesn’t understand that either because you can’t be queer you just can’t be because it’s wrong.

But he nearly dies and and an Asian man saves his life and a black lesbian woman comes up with a better idea than any of them had and she tells them she’s no different and she is just as capable. So he improves himself he does and he tries to be better but he still can’t be who he is because the last 2 times he was honest about that he was betrayed.

Tommy leaves the 118 and “don’t ask, don’t tell” is lifted and he meets this guy he likes who likes him back and the 217 don’t seem to have a problem with the gender neutral pronouns and he slowly but surely lets himself open up again and be who he is and when the thing with that guy doesn’t work out because he’s moving to New York and Tommy’s not sure he’s ready to leave, it’s okay because his crew is there and they support him and he can still be himself.

[strcnglerfigs]

homophobic car

[front-facing-pokemon]

[hartzra]

Guys did you know mspaint has layers now, and that also the crayon brush is so so so yummy.

[musubiki]

once again thinking about limes very quick descent into madness surrounding the time when he realizes he might like mochi after the first night he spends cuddling with her. always love the slow start of "Okay she's kinda cute I guess. She has cute tendencies sometimes. There, you happy? I admitted it. Now leave me alone." which in the span of about 3 days RAPIDLY spills into being unable to think about anything else to the point he can barely hold a conversation with anyone because his mind keeps daydreaming back to holding her in his arms. All day feeling like "I can still feel her warmth on me..." and has to keep being snapped back to reality by everyone around him

he can barely even talk to mochi because he keeps thinking about it. has no idea what to say to her the next day. is very quiet. and mochi thinks hes mad/uncomfortable with her now, since hes always so standoffish to girls at school she thinks she might be in that category now. so the next night while lime is about to go to bed, STILL THINKING ABOUT IT, and he gets a text from her that reads something like: [Hey lime!! about last night- sorry i fell asleep on you!! i know your not super comfortable with that stuff!! it wont happen again!! 🙇‍♀️ see you tomorrow!] and he feels his heart drop to his fucking stomach. lays there reading it back over and over with his thoughts a mix of "Yeah I guess that makes sense, it happened by accident. It was never gonna be a repetitive thing." vs "Won't happen again...? Like....ever? Are you fucking kidding me? I never get that ever again?"

eventually after an hour of tossing and turning, thinks up some bullshit excuse to sneak over to her house and climb up over her little bedroom balcony, knocks on her window and says something like "Hey uhhh you forgot one of your socks over at my place so I brought it back." or something that is absolutely stupid and could've definitely waited for the next day. manages to weasel his way into crawling into her bed with her because every bone in his body is telling him to.

huheuheu love to see lime aching for her eheheh

[girlwiththegreenhat]

i am never going to recover from the death shroud radio play actually

[royalarchivist]

Missed a lot of streams so I'll try and queue some clips later when I can! Been touching grass (and I recommend other folks do it too if they're feeling overwhelmed / burnt out or just feeling bad in general)

[fisheito]

i said i wasnt going to read Two Fixed Points because i dont like scifi but then they published a post-fic yakueimond threesome and i went "well obviously i cant read that without knowing the background lore" so here i am today

[too-young-to-fall-in-love]

Marionette

director's (editor's?!) cut below the cut :)

and yes I linked the song - it fits Napoleon's character SO WELL I had to share it

I see this edit as a prequel, of sorts, to the 2015 movie. To me, this is what happened to Napoleon before he joined the CIA. However, I do also see the rest of the song as him both stealing art and having an all around good time and as him and Illya as agents in their respective agencies becoming 'marionettes' for Waverly. Lol yes I do have this edit as a prequel to the actual song itself and to canon events. But also if you listen to the song, it definitely feels like there's a cut there! (Or maybe I've just listened to it too many times.

I really liked putting together all the parts that said marionette, especially when Oleg talked about him being their most prolific agent. In the movie, it's said in the Russian instrumental case which means that they see Napoleon as an object. It really cemented the idea of him as a marionette for me. (and also the fact that he really is Sanders' marionette)

Of course, there was also the bit with "they won/ I'm done/ new one/ begun" because that is so totally him joining the CIA because they DID win !!!!! after he had to make a deal with them he really had no choice - he was done with them and with stealing art (poor baby). Also, having his upside down picture for they won was amazing work on my part lol it really seals the deal there.

Yes, I would have to say that he did do his best not getting caught, but alas, how else was he supposed to meet Illya????? (surely it was all a ploy so he could meet his future husband🤞🫡)

I think this song is really interesting and everyone should give it a listen!!

[feralsneeze]

Not sneeze just mental health rambling in the tags

[governmentofficial]

@imprvdente

The hour was a late one. It wasn't so late that it was concerning, but it was certainly undeniable that Mycroft had lingered longer than he had said he would. Why exactly a man would do that while he was on a date was obvious, but was he going to admit to that? Of course not!

Instead of doing what any normal man would do and coming back to his friend's home, where he was staying for the duration of his current trip, with a smile on his face, Mycroft had decided to attempt to be covert. If he were dealing with anybody else, this would have likely worked, but this was Fish. Out of anybody, she was undoubtedly the individual with the greatest chance of catching Mycroft out when it came to any kind of behaviour. She simply knew him too well - and even if that weren't the case, she was a force to be reckoned with in her own right.

Having hung his coat up by the door and removed his shoes, Mycroft had made it into the kitchen, seeking to pour himself a glass of water, before he came across his friend. Immediately, the soft smile on his expression vanished as his self-conscious nature regarding the source of his happiness took over.

"Hello," Mycroft greeted, tone cagey as he eyed Fish with a look that, likely to her, clearly showed him weighing up exactly how secretive he was about to be. "Shouldn't you be in bed?"

[min3nc]

and i continue being the piece of shit i always am 👍 i am the toxic ex, after all

[infinitethree]

So, Aster is kind of in hell right now.

Daz has, evidently, decided to quadruple down on being a bastard by abusing the fact that Aster is forced to see their future– a future where they’re happily married– to torment him.

Horrifyingly, his torment comes primarily in the form of things that one would consider flirting under any other circumstances.

Pretty much his only reprieve is his time at the Swords and Shields’ training hall. Not even his own goddamned home is sacred, because Daz can just– fucking teleport in, like an asshole!

It does not help that the visions seem to come primarily when he’s around Daz. The more Daz inflicts his presence on Aster, the more he sees of some unknown point in the future where they’re deeply in love.

So basically, on top of the active torment, there’s the fucky surreal mood whiplash of future-Daz clearly enjoying his company…and then current-Daz, who wields his knowledge like a knife to inflict shallow wounds on his psyche.

Thank fuck that he at least doesn’t have to deal with whatever the hell their more intimate time is like. All he’s seen is what seems like the aftermath– but is enough to make it clear that they definitely do get up to…that.

Uhg. The idea makes him vaguely queasy currently, even if future-him seems to enjoy it.

There’s no further information about what led to that shift, unfortunately. At this point, Aster would try to trigger it just to lessen Daz’s wrath.

Sure, he’s not entirely sure he even wants his love. But it’d be infinitely better than the shit he’s currently dealing with.

And, well, if nothing else– he could definitely appreciate that Daz does seem to enjoy both acts of service and gifts.

As far as he can tell, future-him exclusively wears clothes that future-Daz makes for him and mostly eats his cooking– something that he is actually jealous of.

At no point has Aster ever looked at food Daz has made and not been tempted. Even when he knew it was fucked with in some capacity, a little voice in the back of his head told him, but it’ll be so damn good. It’s worth whatever he did, probably.

A few times he’s listened. He regretted it later, sure, but in the moment…

In the moment he had desperately wished Daz wasn’t such a catty asshole towards him and him alone.

Well, now he knows why he was singled out. And even though that reason has been resolved, he’s now the subject of Daz’s actual wrath. Thus, even considering taking a bite of anything Daz has touched is a level of stupidity that Aster isn’t willing to rise to. 

Beyond the clothes and food, though? Future-Daz seems to have given plenty of other gifts and forms of his affection.

It sure as hell seems like they live in a completely redone version of Aster’s house. It’s a hell of a lot bigger with a completely different layout, but those familiar blue and white wisteria trees can be seen through the windows sometimes.

All of that seems nice, sure, but the thing that really piques Aster’s interest is a simple fact that seems to be driven home over and over and over–

Future-Daz is clingy as hell.

He seems to want to be cuddled with more than anything. Aster has even watched as he goes from fully alert to completely conked out just from future-Aster playing with his hair.

It– honestly, as weird as it is to admit to himself?

It was almost cute.

Of course, he’d come back to the present and that feeling was ruined by Daz asking if he saw them in the bedroom again. But for a brief moment, he almost felt a bit of fondness for that asshole.

The Swords and Shields have definitely noticed his bad mood. Thankfully, none of them are willing to pry into his life enough to say anything.

All of them respect him. Even if they joined under the banner of Lee, they ultimately answer to Aster.

Daz’s domain is the Welcome Wagon; Aster’s is the Swords and Shields. Those that want to seriously hone their skills aren’t coddled here– sure, they get guidance and shit.

But if they fuck around, Aster does not hesitate to let them find out.

He only belatedly notices that the gym has gone quiet. A feeling of dread rises up as he turns to look and–

Oh Prime fucking damnit, Daz is here.

His heart sinks as he realizes that instead of his usual outfit, Daz is in something far more suited to actually breaking a sweat.

No, no, no, this absolute fucking sociopath can’t possibly be–

“Aster!” Face lighting up like he’s excited to see him, Daz trots up and looks at him like an excited puppy.

He knows better. This is a viscous tiger who only looks harmless as a defense mechanism.

Daz beams at him and says, “I figured it was, like, kinda time for me to actually get training and stuff! I know I technically don’t have to, but I mean…”

There’s a little giggle. “I kinda do encourage new people to sign up, right? So like, it’s only reasonable to learn about it firsthand!”

The room is dead quiet. Not a single person here believes that Daz is actually capable of keeping up with them, but Aster knows better.

If he so choose, Daz could become the single strongest fighter on the server. He’s probably already better than most people in this room.

Aster would know. Daz is the reason he stopped trying to become Theo 2.0 and became something wholly himself.

That ‘fight’, if you could call it that, had been years ago. It’s still seared into his memory– still a reminder that Daz is very much a physical threat when he so chooses.

He realizes he’s been quiet for too long. “...I don’t know that that’s a good idea.”

Arguing is pointless, he knows. But he can’t not do that– not only does he desperately not want Daz to be here, but everyone knows he’s not exactly fond of the guy.

Meekly letting him join would be suspicious and, more importantly, humiliating.

Daz deflates. “But…I really want to get better. I know I’m not really good enough, but maybe if I can, like– actually be kinda okay, then I won’t have so many nightmares…”

Yep, this is about how he pictured it would go.

There was no possible way for him to wiggle out of having Daz here. As soon as this sociopath decided to expand his torment into Aster’s last safe haven, this was always how this would play out.

He sighs deeply. “...Fine. You’re gonna take the same test as everyone else, though. I’m not giving you special treatment.”

Once again Daz perks up. “Thank you! I don’t expect any special treatment or anything, I can totally handle it!”

That’s exactly what Aster is afraid of.

Fuuuck. He’ll have to fight against this bastard with a huge audience. They’re going to be curious what exactly his skill level is.

Pretty much his only hope is that Daz has played up how helpless he is. Surely he won’t…actually be serious about this, right?

But as they go to the main floor and he lays down the parameters of the test– five minutes of using whatever weapons the testee wants to try and hit Aster, followed by them trying to survive against his retaliation for as long as they can– he’s got a horrible feeling that Daz won’t play even remotely nice.

That feeling is confirmed when he clicks the timer and Daz lunges at him with clear intent.

It’s– horrifyingly, a hell of a lot better than most people present. Aster has to actually put some effort into dodging, though it’s thankfully way less of him getting his ass handed to him than the first time they has a match.

There’s an eerie, blank calm in Daz’s face as he gives no quarter. Not a single second to catch his breath and regroup; just an interminable onslaught that speaks all too clearly of having been heavily trained before.

And like he feared might happen, a memory is shown to him.

Daz, younger and with a look in his eyes that screams he’s hungry to be taught, listens intently to his mentor.

“You can’t just throw everything at your opponent without focus,” Dream tells him. Daz scoffs and retorts, “Worked against you, didn’t it?”

Dream rolls his eyes. “I was holding back a lot, and you know that. Not everyone will show you that same courtesy. If you try to use brute force, you’ll wear yourself out faster. No; the way to really win…is to use your head.”

And then Aster finds his legs being swept out from under him as Daz aims one of his daggers at his throat.

Thankfully, years of muscle memory and fighting against Theo make it easy enough to recover and dodge.

He feels the timer in his pocket go off, and feels a surge of relief. He’s the one who pushes the offense now, forcing Daz to play it more defensively.

But…Daz lasts a while. Hell, he even gets a few nicks in, taking full advantage of Aster’s closeness.

Eventually, though, Aster is still able to slam his axe into him and force him to respawn.

He’s actually breathing a little heavy, after that. Not a lot of people can actually get his blood pumping like that.

…Fuck, did he actually enjoy fighting that bastard?

As he’s trying to sort that feeling out, Daz appears in front of him again– probably having teleported back from his spawn. He smiles sheepishly at Aster and says, “I know I wasn’t really that good, but…was I at least okay?”

This goddamned asshole is going to act like he thinks that level of skill is nothing?

No, actually, it makes perfect sense. If he wants to reconcile his actual skill with his personality, this is probably one of the only paths he can take.

Aster squints at him. He knows he’s supposed to play along, but this still pisses him off. “You thought that was bad?”

“Yeah? Didn’t everyone here do way better? I only gave you some scratches, that’s nothing!”

He pinches the bridge of his nose and resists the urge to deck him. “Who told you that your current level isn’t any good?”

Daz’s face falls a little, and he fidgets with the hem of his shirt. “I mean, uhm…D– Dream did. ‘Cause, I needed to be protected…I was too weak. So I’m not any good, or I wouldn’t have needed protection…”

He’s shown another flash of the past. Daz, the agony of his enchantment searing him from the inside out, sobs as Dream strokes his hair and murmurs, “It’s okay. It’s for your own good. You’ll thank me someday.”

A shudder goes down his spine as he’s sent back to the present. He hates seeing shit about Daz and his former mentor, because he knows that’s some of the things Daz least wants him to see.

“Hasn’t he been proven as a liar by now? You’re fine.”

Daz tilts his head, brow creasing. “...Fine?” “You–” Aster sighs, and admits, “You’ve probably had the best assessment out of anyone. I don’t think you even need training, just confidence.”

He jerks his thumb at the assembled Swords and Shields, who are dead silent with shock that Daz is that good. “I literally don’t think anyone else here can even begin to keep up with you.”

There’s a few quick blinks, like this is news to Daz. “That…can’t be right. I’m not any good.”

“There is literally no reason for me to lie about that.” Aster turns to the group and calls, “Do any of you actually think you can beat him?”

Only a few hands raise, but none confidently. When Aster gives them a stern look, all of them slowly sink back down. Daz’s expression only becomes more confused. “That– what? Then…”

He turns to look at Aster, and there’s a gleam of something awful in his eyes. “Then does that mean the only person I’d really be able to like, spar with is you?”

And now, Aster sees the trap that was laid for him.

There is no actual way for him to escape this. Foisting him off on anyone else would just be unfair to them, and call into question his ability to be fair. He’d probably be accused of running like a coward, too.

Gritting his teeth, Aster concedes, “...Yes.”

Daz lights up with joy. “So, like– we can be sparring buddies?! I can be friends with you, finally?!”

“Fin– what?” “‘Cause, like, I always assumed you didn’t like me much ‘cause I’m bad at fighting! But if I’m actually really good, and we spend time together, we can be friends!”

There’s a moment of hesitation, and Daz stares at him with sudden hesitation. “We…can be friends, right? I’ve always really admired you, but I didn’t wanna bother you without a good reason…that’s why it, uhm, took so long to finally do this. I– I didn’t want to make you waste too much time…”

Now he’s not meeting Aster’s eyes. He rambles, “I, uhm, I told Raine a bit about– a bit about some of…some of my past. And he encouraged me to come here, said it’d be good for me…”

Not for a single second does Aster actually believe that.

“Since if I’m, like, actually strong, maybe I can– can stop being so scared from my nightmares.”

When Aster doesn’t respond, Daz’s face crumbles and he hangs his head. “I– I’m sorry, that was dumb of me. I– I shouldn’t have come here, this was a bad idea–”

It’s only when Daz starts to turn away, voice cracking as if he’s actually going to cry, that Aster unfreezes enough to grab his wrist.

“I’m not going to promise you friendship, but I’m not going to be an asshole either. You’re still a member of the group…and a good one, at that. You’re probably the root reason why nearly everyone in the Swords and Shields joined.”

Daz mumbles, “But you don’t like me.” “I–”

He sighs, hating that he has to play nice with this goddamned bastard like this. “It’s not because of you. You’ve got your trauma, I’ve got mine.”

Once again, he’s shown a vision.

Thank fucking Prime though, this time it’s the future.

Despite that, though, it seems like this might be the earliest time he’s seen so far. They’re in the Council HQ, with future-Daz openly glaring at him.

Future-Aster hums, “I know how you think. And I know that even if you are interested, you’ll ignore or repress it rather than act on it. That’s why the only way I can be sure that you truly don’t want it is to force your hand.” “That’s– you can’t just– just–!”

“I can, actually. Don’t you know me well enough by now to know that if I decide to do something, no force on heaven or earth can stop me?”

A soft chuckle escapes from future-Aster as he adds, “My next step is to start getting even more obvious with it. I’ll pull a dozen pages from your playbook, make it so that your refusal makes you into a massive asshole. I don’t even need to act all that much for it.”

Future-Daz seethes, “You can’t threaten me into dating you.” “Once again…I’m pretty sure I can, actually.”

…What?

So, wait– they get together, and get married…all of that is because he blackmails Daz?

But they seemed happy. Even in quiet moments that they’re alone, Future-Daz seems deeply in love with him. Surely that’s…not fake, right?

He’s left reeling as he’s sent back to the present.

How the actual hell is that–

Wait.

If Daz would never be willing to even try it without that big of a push…and assuming that he does actually end up happy…

Is it actually that awful?

Sure, it’s definitely not great, ethically. Aster would rather die than force him to do anything too crazy, too, but…

What if it’s just dating? Being, like– romantic and shit in public? Going on actual dates and that kind of thing.

…He kind of feels like a scumbag for even considering it. But he also can’t help but be faced with the fact that future-him clearly knows something. He spoke with absolute confidence that Daz would ignore any actual interest in favor of ignoring and repressing it.

And more than that, they seemed so damn happy together. Sure, it could be fake, but–

If that were the case, future-Daz was doing a flawless job of acting at all times. He was clingy and sweet, doing things that he clearly put a lot of meaning behind.

Shit– Aster has noticed that they both had obvious claims! A bracelet for him, a necklace/brooch thing for Daz.

Maybe….

Maybe this is what he’s supposed to do.

He sees a hand being waved in front of his face. “Uhm, Aster? Are you, like…okay? I didn’t trigger anything, right?”

He blinks and realizes he must have been in the present for a little while now. He reaches out and ruffles Daz’s hair, partly out of curiosity and partly as retaliation for all this bullshit.

“You’re fine,” he huffs, as the bastard squeaks. He seems at a loss of words for once, but Aster can’t help but notice…

He’s leaning into it a bit.

…Holy shit, is future-Daz so clingy because this Daz is touch starved?

As an experiment, he puts an arm over his shoulder in what he hopes seems friendly to everyone else, and steers him towards his office. “Let’s go figure out what days you’re actually able to come in. I know the Welcome Wagon takes up a lot of time…probably your admin training too, right?”

Daz nods, still seeming speechless and more than a little awkward as they make their way there.

[gifti3]

yall theres apparently some adult CGs for "A Date with Death" on the patreon

ohhh its so tempting...

[chocosvt]

hi choco! i'm so excited to see you back on my tl; i've missed you and your god-tier fics & i'm super duper excited to read your wonwoo fic as well (140k words? we will all be well fed fr 🤲)

i had a little rant? not exactly rant but something that's been itching my mind a bit haha, i hope you don't mind me sharing it with you! i genuinely want some advice over this.

as a long fic writer, how do you consistently come back to writing your fic without getting bored? i looooove writing long fics too (big lover of slowburn and angst lol) but i always get so impatient and bored of writing the story so quickly :(

i'd posted a teaser for a fic a while back and it got a good amount of traction (something i will always be grateful for) and someone asked me when i would release the full fic, to which i gave them a tentative date. fast forward to the day before the day i said i would post the fic and you have me typing out paragraphs upon paragraphs of stuff that i absolutely loathe in my writing. i ended up posting the fic anyway, but it's been only a day and i already want to take it down—not bc it's not getting any attention, because it is, but more so bc i hate that fic and would do anything to rewrite it.

iirc your joshua fic, 'best friend's brother' was a rewrite of a fic you'd written earlier, right? was your thought process similar to this? where did you start your rewriting process from? did you have any second thoughts when you took it down the first time?

i'm really sorry if this is too many questions 😅 please take your time if you do choose to answer this! much love and have a great day, choco!!! thank you so much :)

(is it alright if i use an emoji to sign off so i can find this ask later?)

— 🍫

first of all, THANK U SO MUCH <3

and i don't mind at all! these are rly insightful questions :o though i'll just chunk my answers a bit so i'm not all over the place.

not getting bored to be honest, i'm not sure if i ever "get bored" of writing out the plot. but i definitely get burnt out, and sometimes i get downright sick of reviewing my own writing, to the point where i just have to close my laptop and walk away. i think the most important & overarching piece of advice i can give--not just in terms of long fics but any fic for that matter--is to never force anything & take breaks!

when i'm busy at uni, there are like 5 month breaks where i don't bother writing at all. i always think that the second i have free time, i should theoretically want to write, but sometimes i just don't. and i make peace with it bc i know the second i force anything i will end up hating it (also takes the fun & enjoyment out of the process).

i think if you're getting bored, it's probably a sign that your body & mind just isn't interested in writing at the moment. so i would step away & take a break and attempt to get your mind off the plot. i think that taking a break also invigorates your mind a bit and gives you newer, better ideas (at least from my experience).

bfb rewrite the reason i rewrote best friend's brother was bc the og fic was from 2016, when my writing style was completely different. i still liked the concept but naturally, as my writing grew, i just detested the way the old ver was written, which spurred me to create the rewrite.

i wanted to give the characters a lot more depth & beef up the plot, so the new fic is actually a lot different in comparison to the old one. i wasn't attempting to do a scene-for-scene rewrite--it was simply just my approach to an old concept that i felt i could now execute better.

as to how i went abt rewriting it, i just picked out moments from the old fic that i liked and built around them. for instance, i rly liked the "skipping stones" scene that shows some intimacy & tenderness between joshua and reader. but it can't just happen out the gate. so i had to figure out the typical "why, when, and how is this moment happening right now?" from scratch.

the thing with long fics for me, it honestly is a test of patience & dedication!! bc it can truly be so frustrating :( a lot of times, you want to jump right into the good parts bc those are like the shiny glimmers that make the fic attractive. but depending on how impactful you want those moments to be, build-up is sooooo key! the thing is, build-up is just so critical in my opinion, but it can also be such a pain to write :p

i find when i review my writing, these are scenes i criticize or change the most--more than the big, hard-hitting scenes. bc to me, it's such a specific thing that you have to nail down justttt right. it's a lot of thinking and finagling and i think this process is what i dread the most? especially when it refuses to turn out how you want it--ugh, so discouraging!! but once you get it's like a silky flowy river!!

the big takeaways (i guess?) 1. taking breaks is so important! 2. don't force anything xxxx 3. take the big moments & build around them i totallyyyyy understand your frustration!! there have been so many moments where i'm like I NEED TO WRITE AHHHHH and then i promptly open the document only to sit there, blankly read a few sentences, and then get this rly big sinking feeling in my gut that is essentially telling me "never mind" and honestly i just listen to it bc if i'm gonna close & open the document 10 times in a row i obviously don't want to write. i'm just searching for something fulfilling and clearly not finding it in the task at hand so i should do smth else.

THIS IS EXTREMELY LENGTHY AND I''M BEYOND SORRY, but i hope somewhere amongst this mumbo jumbo there was something that stood out & may give you a bit of closure!

[lucky-rabbits]

why do i keep collecting these fox boys let me live in peace