#so for transparency did i write this quote? no did i write a bible? yes thats all you need to know

[high-key-satan-low-key-satanic]

Creating The Bible

God : I’m writing my autobiography. Any tips?

Satan : Kill off the main character.

[confrontingbabble-on]

“...when I think about mindfucks I think—as a former Evangelical—about Evangelical Christianity, which traffics, wholesale, in mindfuckery...

1. It’s not a religion, it’s a relationship (with your imagination...!). ...it’s one of Evangelicalism’s favorite ways of saying, We’re not like all those other (obviously false) faith-based belief systems. We just love Jesus and Jesus loves us, and he loves you, too. From the inside, this relationship thing feels really real and really good. But from the outside it’s a bunch of transparent hooey. Your born-again Christianity is a love relationship—with a character whose name and history you got from a set of ancient texts that were compiled and handed down by a vast hierarchical organization that once torched dissenting texts (and people). And this not-religion has sacred writings and rituals and leaders and schools of systematic theology, and it dictates what people are supposed to believe and how they’re supposed to behave. And it provides all the same social functions and structures as religions.

2. That’s the OLD Testament. In my childhood Bible, the Old Testament is bound together with the New Testament in a gold-stamped blue leather cover with these words on the title page, “The words of Scripture as originally penned in the Hebrew and Greek . . . are the eternal Word of God.” This statement is followed by a verse from the Old Testament book of Isaiah. “The grass withers, the flower fades, but the word of our God stands forever (Is 40:8).To Evangelicals, the Old Testament is the timeless Word of God, except when the vile atrocities described there become inconvenient or when people quote horrible verses—say those that demean women, endorse slavery, condemn homosexuality and shellfish eating, promote the idea of Chosen bloodlines, or make statements that are scientific nonsense. Then it’s just the Old Testament, and Evangelicals pull out all kinds of fancy “supersessionist” language to explain that those verses don’t really count because of the “new covenant” or the “Dispensation of Grace.” But just try suggesting that a Bible believer take the Old Testament out of the Holy Bible.

3. Yes, no, maybe. God answers prayer. Except when he doesn’t. The New Testament says, And all things, whatsoever ye shall ask in prayer, believing, ye shall receive  (Matthew 21:22; Mark 11:24). But everybody knows that in the real world that doesn’t happen. Christians face bankruptcies and bad test scores and death at the same rate as other people. God answers prayer at the margins of statistical significance, if at all—even when parents are asking for their kids to get healed from cancer, or kids are pleading that parents stop hitting them.How does one explain that? The age-old Christian answer has been that when your prayers aren’t answered you should doubt yourself rather than God, assuming that your faith was too weak or you wanted something you shouldn’t. But Evangelicals have come up with something even more clever: God does always answer! It’s just that he sometimes says no, or maybe, instead of yes. That ask anything and it shall be done Bible verse really meant, ask selectively and he might say yes.

4. Be selfless for your own sake. If you want to be great in God’s kingdom, learn to be the servant of all, say the lyrics to one Christian song. Got that? “If you want to be great,” not “if you want to do the most good in the world.” Granted, learn to be the servant of all beats some other paths people take when they seek status, but it is a path to status nonetheless, which is why the church is full of self-proclaimed servant leaders who actually aspire to great man or woman status.

5. Christianity is humble. According to Catholic theology, pride is one of the seven deadly sins. Evangelical preachers tell us it was Satan’s original sin. Pride cometh before the fall, so humble yourself before God. Couple this claim about humility with the idea that you should preach [your version of] the gospel to every creature—and things get turned inside out and upside down.Famed Puritan hellfire-and-brimstone minister Jonathan Edwards said, “We must view humility as one of the most essential things that characterizes true Christianity.” Edwards also expounded with righteous certitude about the torments of the wicked in hell—wicked meaning anyone who didn’t share his Puritan beliefs.Anyone who has spent much time in an Evangelical church community knows that superior humility can be a powerful form of one-upmanship. But competitive humility aside, what could possibly be more arrogant than thinking the universe was made for mankind, that only we bipedal primates are made in the image of God, that all other sentient beings are here for us to use, that you happened to be born into the one true faith among the tens of thousands of false ones, and that the force that created the laws of physics wants a personal relationship with you.

6. Christianity isn’t sexist; God just has different intentions and rules for men and women. Just because in the Old Testament God (identified by the male pronoun) makes man first, puts men in charge (male headship), gives men the right to barter women and take them as war booty doesn’t mean they’re unequal. Just because the New Testament forbids women to speak in church, tells them to cover their heads and submit to men, and excludes them from leadership positions doesn’t mean that women are inferior to men!

The Bible may be rife with stories with predominantly male protagonists. It may show women competing to have sons. Genealogies may be determined by paternity. God may convey his word exclusively through male writers and may take the form of a male human. But that doesn’t mean men and women are unequal! They’re just “different.” All of those generations of Patriarchs and Church Fathers and Reformers and Preachers who said vile things about women—they just misunderstood the Bible’s message on this point.

7. Believe and be saved. Right belief, according to Evangelicalism, is the toggle that sends people to heaven or hell—as if we could simply make ourselves believe whatever we want, regardless of the evidence, and as if the ability to do so were a virtue. Right belief makes you one of the Righteous. Wrong belief makes you one of the Wicked. God may have given you the ability to think, but you follow logic and evidence where they lead only at your own eternal peril. If you don’t believe, it’s because you secretly just don’t want to.Granted we all are prone to a greater or lesser degree, to what psychologists call “motivated belief,” meaning we have a tendency to selectively seek evidence for things we either want to be true or, more rarely, fear to be true. But this is hardly a sign of robust character or moral virtue. Quite the opposite.

8. God loves you and he’ll send you to hell. And once you die, it’s all irreversible. George Carlin put it best: Religion has convinced people that there’s an invisible man … living in the sky. Who watches everything you do every minute of every day. And the invisible man has a list of ten specific things he doesn’t want you to do. And if you do any of these things, he will send you to a special place, of burning and fire and smoke and torture and anguish for you to live forever, and suffer, and suffer, and burn, and scream, until the end of time. But he loves you. He loves you. He loves you and he needs money.

OK, Carlin didn’t have his theology right, at least not from an Evangelical standpoint. You don’t go to hell for violating the Ten Commandments. You go to hell for not accepting Jesus as your savior. But yeah, he loves you, loves you, loves you, and if you don’t love him back and worship him and accept his gift of forgiveness for your imperfection, he’s going to torture you forever. Wrap your brain around that definition of love.

9. Free choice under duress. Why is the world full of sin and suffering if God is all powerful and all good? Because he wanted us to worship him of our own free will. He loves us too much to force us, so we had to be able to choose—so the story goes.But, if what he wanted was love and adoration, freely given, then why did he entice us with promises of heaven and threaten us with eternal torture? Can someone really love you if you demand their love at gunpoint?

10. Lean not unto your own understanding. Faith is just believing. Trust and obey. Be watchful, stand firm in the faith, act like men, be strong (1 Corinthians 16:13). The fool has said in his heart there is no God (Psalm 14:1).

The idea that your own mind, logic, and the evidence in the world around you is not to be trusted may be Evangelicalism’s biggest mindfuck, because it is subtext in all the others. Any doubts are just evidence that your mind (and basic human decency) are shaky. Since doubt is a sign of weak faith—and sometimes even direct from the devil—you should never ever trust what you think, feel, see or experience over what the Bible says and the Church teaches. Walk by faith, not by sight. Stop asking questions! “

Valerie Tarico is a psychologist and writer in Seattle, Washington.

https://valerietarico.com/2019/02/08/evangelical-christianitys-ten-biggest-mindfucks/

[newforddesigns]

ENCOUNTER WITH CHRIST

Someone asked me why did I write my first book, Surrendering: A Blueprint of My Life? Only for one reason – I had an encounter with Christ that shifted everything in me. The way I thought. The way I believed. It changed my perspective. So, I only wrote my first book in honoring his request of me.

But to be honest, I did not want to write it. In fact, I initially saw nothing good coming from it. Quoting myself, I told God, why should I write it, nothing will come out of it, but more frustration and heartache. How wrong was I?

For you to get the full picture, you must hear my encounter with Christ. This encounter was so surreal that I really thought I was losing my mind. In fact, my experiences with Christ during January through late April or early May of 2014, forever changed me and how I saw Christ and Holy Spirit. I can say my encounter with both was like that of Abraham, when he who once worship many false gods, was forever changed when God visited Him with a request and a new way to live his life. (See Genesis 12).

THE PREPARTION BEFORE THE ENCOUNTER

In 2014, from my perspective, when I walked away from living a homosexual life, I did so under my own strength and had been living free for a while at that time with some struggles, but not many. I probably was not as combated with my sexual urges because I was ready for a change. Initially, I was not attending any church. So, I prayed alone, read my Bible at home, watched a lot of Christian television and was learning to appreciate gospel and Christian music that my best friend had introduced to me. So, pure worship was being introduced to me for the first time in my life, although I attended church most of my life.

(No, I did not attend church during the season, I lived a homosexual life. When I made up my mind to live that way, I choose to walk away from the church.)

Any rate, prior to 2014, I never had an encounter with Christ. I was 43 at the time and I had NEVER heard God’s voice before. I was unaware that God even spoke to His servants – that goes to tell you where I was in my walk with Christ prior to living a homosexual life. I really did not have a personal relationship with God. I knew of Him, but did not know Him. The Christ I know today had not been properly introduced to me. But that was about to change.

THE ENCOUNTER

In January 2014, in the afternoon, when I was home alone, I was sitting at the kitchen table on my Mac, doing some research. Right behind me was the kitchen, which my back was turned to. I was completely absorbed by what I was doing until I heard a voice from behind me, which said, “tell your story.” It scared the heebie-jeebies out of me, but when I looked back, no one was there. I really do not know why I even bothered to look back because I knew I was home alone. But the voice was so clear, and it sounded like someone had entered the room that I sat still for a few minutes not knowing what to do. After a few minutes passed, I shook it off and went back to my research. At some point, the voice appeared again, and I heard it over my left shoulder saying, “share your story.” As I look to the left no one was there and now I am a little freaked out. I do not remember what excused I made, but after I gathered myself together, I went back to my research. Then a third time, the voice came over my right shoulder, repeating the phrase, “tell your story.” I was done, and got out of there.

But this voice was not done with me.

For weeks, no matter what I was doing, watching television, trying to read, relaxing, or on my laptop, this voice would appear in the same pattern. First from behind, over the left shoulder and then over the right shoulder, repeating the same one of two phrases – “tell your story” or “share your story.” By February, I thought I was going crazy and I needed professional help. But I decided to approach my best friend first. So, I told her what was happening most days when I was home alone. As I am telling her the events that were taking place, I remember she kept looking at me with this big Kool-Aid smile on her face. I yelled at her, asking how she can laugh at a moment like this. I was losing my mind and she thought it was funny. What she said next made me initially thought, okay, I am not the one crazy here, she is.

She simply said in a calm voice, “Deaidre, that is God trying to speak to you.” My response. “God! Trying to speak to me?” She explained some things to me that sound crazier than these eventful events I was having. But I listened. And the next thing she said just made me got up a left her in the room by herself. “Deaidre, the next time you hear the voice, ask it what it wants you to share or tell?”

That’s it! I’m done! I thought to myself. My friend is crazy and no help.

I do not know how long, maybe two weeks went by and nothing happened, and I was expecting something to happen. So, I assumed, okay, finally. Things are back to normal. But lo and behold, the voice was back saying the same two phrases, in the same pattern – from behind, left shoulder and then right shoulder. Ugh!!

I was so done with this voice and just wanted the maddest to stop. But one day, I remember what Felicia, my best friend, had said to me. “Ask it what it wants you to share or tell?” I felt embarrassed, stupid for even considering the idea, but I did not know what else to do. So, in a low pitch voice, I asked, “share what?” When I did not get a response, out of irritation, I yelled, “tell what?” And then, right there, it happened.

It was like I entered some kind of trance or portal of some kind. Although the television was playing in the background in my home, there were no sounds. It was like I was floating, and I could see my body being placed in a seated position. And this big screen appeared before me, but it was in my head. Then appeared were these random pictures that were moving lightning fast, flipping from one picture to the next. I was able to see every detail, every picture. And by the time it was done, it had told my entire life history – my story. And then it ended just as quickly as it started, and I was back in my home and I could hear and see the television playing in the background.

At first, I did not know what to make of what had just happened. But then I realized, if this voice is God, he wants me to share the details of my story. I was confused by the notion of it and why. At the time, I did not know it was an impression I received but a few minutes later I received clarity. God wanted me to write my life story in a book. Now, I cannot share the actual words I used when I realized that. But I was not willing to participate. I refused to do it. I told God He was crazy and leave me alone.

REALITY HIT ME

Near the end of February, I could not get these encounters out of my head. I had never had an experience like that before and one day I realized – wait a minute, God spoke to me, to me. God spoke to me. All my life I wanted to know was God real and the moment He finally speaks to me, this is my reaction? I wanted a do-over. To change the previous conversation, I had. So, I waited and waited and anticipated this voice to return. I was so disappointed when nothing happened. In fact, I finally just gave up. Until, finally one day, He just showed up. And I was convinced, God is real. He is alive and active. He speaks today and He has a purpose for each one of us. And mine involved writing. And I have been writing ever since. Capturing His words through my blogs, poems, music and now books.

SURRENDERING

As mentioned in previous blog writings, my first book served three purposed. (1) It was a source to teach me to be transparent with my story and for me to gain healing from some old deep wounds that I had allowed to either get infected or covered up with a Band-Aid. (2) To create an opportunity for conversation and healing for my own family. (3) And to help others who were open enough to recognize their own fallen state.

Has my first book served its purpose? YES! A thousand times yes! And it DID NOT take me to become a best-selling author for it to accomplish what God will (purpose) for it? NO! Once I released my book, people, by word of mouth, was hearing about my book and tracking me down through other people to get a copy of the book. Now, quite a few people were not being honest about why they wanted a copy, but it does not matter. It was serving its purpose.

Final question, do we have any more copies of my first book? Yes and no. We have a few copies in storage that have some minor printing errors, so I took the book off of Amazon and out of circulation. I do occasionally give those out for free to those who ask for a copy of my first book. So, if someone asks and if there is copies available, which there are few that are, we will give them out for free depending on a few factors. However, we do have plans in the future to re-release this book at a later date.

https://www.facebook.com/notes/newby-dede/encounter-with-christ/142240540294761/

[micklikethejagger]

I’ve always wanted to be understood. To be heard. I rationalized that no one would ever be able to understand me unless they had suffered similarly. I believed the world was filled with happy, shiny people who were all just attracted to other shiny things. Nobody liked me because I was a dark and miserable thing that had to be avoided. My darkness would be caught if anyone came close enough. The only ones who could truly understand my darkness were the ones who had already felt the chill of their own darkness enveloping them. I’ve always searched for intimacy in the broken--the ones who suffer. These people understand pain because they feel it so profoundly. These are my people. My chance to be understood. The problem with finding intimacy in a shattered soul is that they bear the weight of their own burdens so completely that there is nothing left for me. I had a brief realization that anyone who understood my mind had to be at least as fucked up as me and that I should look for someone with a kind heart and an open mind. But then my mind did a great job of convincing me that broken people don’t deserve good people who will do all of that. I’m a bad person. I’ve done terrible things and I’ve been pretty awful to a lot of people. I don’t deserve a good person. I don’t deserve someone who is patient and kind and gives me love. Because I don’t deserve it. I deserve to rot in this consciousness.   

I often lose myself in my own noxious mind. “An addict alone is in bad company.” I hope y’all don’t mind, but I like to quote the bible when I’m feeling low. Well, not the bible, but my bible. Narcotics Anonymous. I have the sixth edition now. I dropped my previous copy in the bathtub. And the one before that I threw into the canal on a bender in Michigan. And the one before that I watched burn until its words had all been swallowed by the flame. And before you even ask, yes. My strung out, teenage brain was thinking of Bradbury the whole time. 

Just realized I’m writing to an audience of no one. There is no one listening. Then why am I still orienting my thoughts to an invisible recipient. My therapist wants me to be vulnerable and share my thoughts but I think I’m just going to address my silent words to an audience of none to beguile my consciousness into believing that I’m being open and transparent. Is this what tumblr is for? A public space for the suicidal manifestations of our traumas to linger and  beg for attention? I don’t tag or use this for anything but a net for my tears, but I still open the page hoping for a note from someone other than Cheezbot. I crave validation from anonymous depressos in the void. 

I’ve heard people say that it’s worse to feel alone in the company of people you love than to be alone. I have even said these words. But I don’t think that’s true. I think it’s much worse to push people away that you once cared for but no longer feel anything for. I think it’s worse to be alone because you don’t care for yourself or anyone else. 

Well this post had no direction. I’d typically apologize, but I’ll refrain. Because there’s nobody fucking there.