#so hopefully he reads them before opening his snap lmaoooooo

[breanime]

Accidentally sent a picture of my boom booms to my ex-slam piece... Oops 😅

[finding-the-daylight]

It’s been a real fucking stressful week so I’m finally gonna be drunk-watching and reviewing Breaking Dawn Pt. 2. However, I will likely only be slightly drunk(ish) (if at all) because I’m all out of liquor and only have one beer at the moment, but hopefully it’ll be enough to counteract how terrible this movie is lmao. As usual, here is what I remember from the movie the first (and only) time I ever watched it: 

1. The battle scene happened but it was all in Alice’s vision and never actually happened.

2. Imprinting bullshit that none of us want to talk about. Let’s pretend it never happened.

3. Some weird dude makes fake IDs on demand.

4. All the vampires with cool powers get together, yet, sadly, they do not take down the Volturi to form a better, democratic government.

My thoughts as I’m watching are below the break: 

- The opening credits triggered a forgotten feeling of sadness. Was it sadness over a terrible plot or sadness over the series being over? I couldn’t tell you.

- This fucking soundtrack excuse me. The orchestral opening piece? BEAUTIFUL. I want to choreograph a ballet to this. Or do the TikTok twerk challenge to it. Idk. 

- I’m actually kind of sad that this was the last movie and it hasn’t even started yet. Most of the plot is shit and smeyer wrote some horrible garbage, but I want more of this universe. Can some of y’all who are creative write the next book and not be racist or sexist? Thank you.

- Fuck this part of the soundtrack I’m literally going to cry.

- I can’t believe smeyer produced this movie. Who let her? 

- When Bella opens her eyes that shit makes me want to be a vampire @Carlise. 

- Her first instinct is to grab Edward’s arm I’m crying. They love each other so much and it’s so fucking pure. I hate how they look at each other. It makes me sick but it’s all I want.

- This is the most relaxed Edward has been in any of the movies.

- LITERALLY HOW COOL WOULD IT BE TO SEE A FLOWER BLOOM LIKE THAT?!?

- I WANNA JUMP OVER A DAMN WATERFALL

- I actually feel really bad for this deer and I wish they did eat mosquitos :(((((

- Edward’s so proud of her for her control. He loves her so much.

- OMG I FORGOT SHE SAVED THE DEER WE LOVE TO SEE IT SAVE THE  DEER BELLA

- aww fuck no now they’re gonna talk about the imprinting bullshit. I won’t even comment on this because y’all already know my thoughts. We hate it and we hate canon and smeyer is fucked up for what she wrote.

- Carlisle looking fine as fuck as usual, thank you. I don’t love the hairstyle here, but he’s still fire.

- Rosalie looks so happy and we love to see it. She deserves it.

- EMMETT AND ROSALIE ARE INSTIGATING THIS FIGHT AND AS FUCKE UP AS THIS STORYLINE IS I LIVE FOR THEM BOTH AND I LOVE IT LMAO

- THE WAY JACOB SAYS “OH” SENT ME THE FUCK LMAOOOOOO

- Emmett loves this fight and I love Emmett

- Damn Edward’s actually openly being turned on by something for once in his life

- The Loch Ness monster line isn’t that funny anymore tbh. I did not laugh.

- There was a lot of quivering.

- Bella literally said we’re gonna keep going for the rest of eternity. 

- Everyone knows when they get back. So far, Emmett is my favorite in this movie lmao. Even Carlisle who’s always sick of his kids’ shit cracked a smile.

- Poor Charlie. They’re about to tell him she died and they’re all moving.

- Jacob’s about to go tell his secret to Charlie and then shit gets lit. I remember this part now. 

- Taylor deserved an oscar for this scene. This movie might have been trash, but his conversation with Charlie deserved all the awards.

- “Jacob put your on clothes on” fucking SENT ME LMAOOOOO.

- Charlie’s so confused, poor man.

- Jacob straight up invited Charlie over with no warning while Bella was a newborn vampire lmao. 

- I LOVE ESME AND CARLISLE SO MUCH

- The way Carlisle opened the door and said “Hello Charlie” did something to me. I wish my name was Charlie.

- Charlie’s so happy to see Bella though. I’m happy Jake told him tbh. 

- Poor Charlie now he’s all upset because he saw Jacob turn into “a very large dog” and he’s concerned about what this means for Bella.

- She finally called Charlie dad and hugged him like she loved him.

- EDWARD TOLD CHARLIE THE TRUTH THAT RENEMEME WAS THEIR DAUGHTER HOLY SHIT I FORGOT

- Emmett really is my fave in this movie lmaoooo. 

- Everyone is laughing and smiling instead of being all depressed. We lov to see it. This is my favorite scene in any of the movies now. 

- When Bella said she was born to be a vampire, it would’ve been way more effective to start playing “Born to Die” by Lana Del Rey tbh.

- Irina’s about to go tattle-tale to the Volturi. Tbh I’d be pissed too after what those racist fucks did to Laurent. He wanted to join the Cullens and adopt their lifestyle. And by racist fucks, I mean smeyer and the writers of the screenplay.

- Aro is such a dramatic bitch.

- Carlisle could read me the damn phone book and I would listen.

- Honestly smeyer is fucked up the fuck up and I’m starting to think she nejoys writing about children losing their childhood. The immortal children storyline is one of the most fucked up parts of canon and we really need to expose it more. 

- Carlisle and Esme are so damn cute. 

- Uh-oh Sammy boy’s there. Jasper and Alice just bounced? I completely forgot about this.

- The fucking volvo.

- Okay SUPER BIG FUCKING PLOTHOLE HERE. So when they were in Alaska, Edward basically said Renememe had a beating heart so like, wouldn’t the Volturi be able to hear it? Wouldn’t that end the battle before it ever started? Smeyer really just wrote shit without thinking it through lmao.

- We hate to see all the cultural appropriation but we love Rami Malek.

- Senna and Zafrina are STUNNING and the fact that Smeyer wrote them as being anything else is a fucking crime.

- I don’t remember this Garrett hoe but I’ve seen a lot of memes about him so I think he’ll be my second fave in this movie next to Emmett. He’s high key a bitch though for treating people how he did.

- Yeah, I’m with Jacob on this one. The red-eyed bitches don’t need to be killing people. ALSO FUCK SMEYER’S RACIST SHIT AGAIN. MORE WOLVES DUE TO MORE BIOLOGICAL WARFARE THIS IS BULLSHIT SMEYER.

- Garrett really fell in love with this bitch Kate and said idc what you do to me, just do it.

- HOLY SHIT THE NEW WOLVES ARE KIDS KIDS. THEY’RE LIKE 6 OR 7. Y’ALL. WHAT THE EVERLIVING FUCK??? GOING BACK TO WHAT I SAID ABOUT THE IMMORTAL CHILDREN THING. THE POINT STILL STANDS.

- Vladimir and Stefan are EXACTLY the vampires I’ve been waiting on. OVERTHROW THIS MONARCHY OLD ASS SHIT AND FORM THE DEMOCRATIC GOVERNMENT. This scene made me like Carlisle slightly less, but in my headcanon he did want to overthrow the Volturi. I would still stare at him all day and listen to him read the phonebook. But he could’ve been a little more badass. It wouldn’t have hurt.

- Edward actually grew a pair and asked everyone to fight. 

- Is Aro’s hair different in this movie? It looks different and I kinda love it.

- I hate the Volturi and all of them for varying reasons, but I do love Aro’s dramatics.

- Emmett is living for Edward being shocked by Kate which is why, again, he is my fave in this movie lmao.

- Bella reading to Renememe is the sweetest moment in this movie and it deserves more love.

- “Yeah I just do it so much better.” This cocky bastard.

- FINALLY. HE ADMITS HE UNDERESTIMATES HER. THANK YOU HOE. 

- When Jake and Bella are laughing together it makes me smile. It’s so genuine.

- Sue knows what’s good. I can see it in her eyes lmao.

- Alice was smart af though for hiding that clue for Bella. 

- JENKS. That’s the dude’s name that makes the fake IDs.

- “Unusually well-preserved” that’s one way to put it lmao.

- This is so sad. Bella thinks she and Edward will die.

- LOOK AT ALL THOSE BENJIS SHE’S STUFFING INTO BACKPACKS@ BELLA PLEASE PAY OFF MY STUDENT LOAN DEBT 

- Alistair is such a bitch. Why is he even here?

- This little house looks so cozy for Christmas. This is all I want.

- I love the Clearwater family so much and they deserve nothing but our love and respect.

- I FUCKING LOVE GARRETT. “NAME ANY AMERICAN BATTLE I WAS THERE.” LMAOOOOO

- “No one does rebellion like the Irish.” I love this guy too lmao.

- DAMNNNNN 1500 years waiting on revenge?????? They really could’ve overturned the Volturi in favor of a democracy but Carlisle was too damn diplomatic. But he’s still my fave.

- They did Kristen’s eyebrows dirty in this movie.

- Garrett loves Kate so much and it’s so pure. 

- Emmett and Rosalie look so sweet.

- “THE REDCOATS ARE COMING” LMAOOOO I REALLY DO FUCKING LOVE GARRETT AN AWFUL LOT.

- Look @ the Volturi dramatic asses wearing cloaks and shit. Hoe. It’s the 2000s. Not the 1600s. Fix your shit. If a human saw you, you’d expose the secret you’re supposedly trying to keep.

- When Carlisle raised his voice though.

- BUT THIS IS THE BULLSHIT I’M TALKING ABOUT SMEYER PULLING. TALKING ABOUT HOW RENEMEME HAS A BEATING HEART. BITCH. THE VOLTURI WOULD’VE HEARD IT AND KNOWN. NONE OF THIS FUCKERY WAS EVER NECESSARY. SMEYER’S ASS IS MORE DRAMATIC THAN ARO, AND NOT IN A GOOD WAY.

- Bella tried to shield Edward but it wouldn’t stretch all the way to where he was :(((((

- I deadass would not let my child anywhere near Aro period. It would’ve been on sight at this point and the Volturi would’ve been cleared out for democracy.

- I wish Edward would just punch this hoe.

- OH MY GOD I FORGOT ABOUT THE LAUGH THAT IS THE FUNNIEST SHIT

- Jacob seems more concerned than Edward and Bella and that’s really a problem for me. Her parents should’ve torn Aro a new one and that’s on period.

- Bella’s protecting all of them. YAAASSS QUEEN. DEFEAT THESE BTICHES.

- Aro basically verified the headcanon that Gen Z would expose vampires lmaoooo.

- Alice and Jasper save the day.  

- CARLISLE FINALLY SNAPPED YAAAASSSS. BEAT THESE HOES ASSES.

- ESMEEEEEEEEEE

- SAM AND THE BOYS ARE READY TO FUCKIN FIGHT NOW TOO. NO ONE FUCKS WITH CARLISLE.

- This whole fight scene is intense but I already know that none of it really happened and it was all a vision so I’m kind of just tuning it out lmao. 

- Y’all weren’t playing. When they get Seth that shit really does hurt.

- Alright I’m over this. They’re dragging it out. I’m fast-forwarding lmao. 

- YEAH BITCH, BELLA WOULD GET YOUR ASS SO YOU BETTER STOP WHILE YOU CAN.

- OKAY LITERALLY ALSO FUCK THIS STORYLINE NOW I’M PISSED AGAIN I JUST REMEMBERED SMEYER IMPLIED THIS HOE WAS GONNA COME BACK AND FIGHT JACOB FOR RENEMEME WHEN SHE WAS LEGAL IDK IF IT’S IN THE MOVIE IF IT IS Y’ALL FINNA HEAR ABOUT IT AND OF COURSE HE’S INDIGENOUS TOO BECAUSE SMEYER’S GOTTA BE RACIST AS FUCK.

- BUT ANYWAY. Nahuel is actually cool af. Like most of smeyer’s characters, he deserved better.

- Good boy Aro, just walk the fuck away. 

- I really wish Carlisle would’ve just listened to Stefan and Vladimir and kicked the Volturi’s asses. 

- Everyone is so happy and in love. We love to see it. #simpasshoesfandom

- THIS SOUNDTRACK FUCKING SLAPS. THE CLOSING SONG BEFORE THE MEADOW/AT THE BEGINNING OF THE MEADOW IS A JAM.

- Oh fuck here we go with the flashback. I’m gonna cry for sure. It really would’ve been better with Flightless Bird American Mouth though.

- Damn I’m actually crying. #simpasshoesfandom 

- She showed him all her thoughts and love for him I’m crying. 

- “NOBODY’S EVER LOVED ANYBODY AS MUCH AS I’VE EVER LOVED YOUUUUUUU”

- FOREVERRRRR 

- MY HEART

- THE END CREDITSSSSSS

Ummm. So I really thought I would hate this movie. It is mostly problematic as fuck. But some parts of it were good. Like it had funny moments and sad moments and simp moments and it was not awful. Content wise I rate it like a 3/10. Overall rating I give it like an 8/10. If smeyer’s fucked up shit didn’t get in the way of the movie, it could’ve been a 10/10. 

HOW THE PAGES OF THE BOOK OPEN TO REVEAL THE MAIN CHARACTERS’ NAMES I’M CRYING

[losvers-clubb]

Flower Petals

This is a fan fiction of Belch Huggins that one asked for inspired by some outfits I wore this week lmaoooooo

Legit I love Belch and the Bowers Gang™ so I’m going to write a short kinda fanfic story because I feel like it so enjoy this shit also it’s POV of the character (Let’s name her Nicolette because I feel like it)

The cool air blew through the trees as the end of summer hit the town of Derry. The nights slowly became longer and the thoughts of bathing in the quarry faded in every childs mind.

Nicolette has just moved halfway through the summer, from the west coast to the east coast for her dads work. She was stuck school-jumping and adapting to the new scenarios of nearly every year.

“I feel this one will be different”

She remembered her dad saying before the move, back in the sunny state of California. She had begged to stay, she was two years away from 18 and she swore she would go back.

Here in Maine, at 17, she glared at the small town from her new bedroom window. A few teens laughed and shoved at eachother teasingly, so loudly you could hear through the window. An rough bunch of kids, but nonetheless a group of friends. Something she never had the privilege to have due to the dogmatic lifestyle her family had aquired.

————

Nicolette’s closet was a mess, she had outfits that ranged from the lightest of pastels to the grungeist dark materials, and she loved it all, but specifically didn’t know how to approach the school of Derry. Surely, she had seen different things on the streets glared at every single person that walked by due to bitterness of leaving the warm beaches of cali

Surely she had an idea of what to do, but still she sat in defeat. Nicolette gently twirled a few strands of hair before settling on pastels. A yellow pastel shirt matched with a pair of dark blue jeans. In her hair she clipped a yellow flower to match with the shirt and on her eyelids she added pale yellow shadow and a slight bit of eyeliner to pull things together.

You look like you’re still in California dear, you’ll stick out like a sore thumb

Mom, maybe these kids need some California in their life. They look like their fashion forgot a few decades

Pulling her bag onto her shoulder, she hoped out of her mother’s short car and avoided making an eye contact with kids around her. She would ocassionally poke her tongue out slightly to taste the tinted lip gloss out of nervousness, but hoped not to take away the shine.

“You must be Nicolette!! I have a few things for you” the lady behind the counter seemed overly cheery, as if she had never met anyone outside of town before. She continued to hand things to Nicolette, planners, locker numbers/codes, schedules, and other misalaneous things she barely bothered to read over. Her eyes drifted around the office slightly until a hand landed on her shoulder.

“Do you need any help with finding the lockers or classes??” The lady, now standing, was beaming down at her.

Damn the 5’3 life

She thought

Everyone is fucking massive

A quick shake to the head and a small smile reassured her and she wandered out into the empty halls. The bell had rang while the office lady blabbered about the school and she was left to somehow find her way to her first period which be basically missed half of

“You lost?” A red headed girl approached, short haired and pale freckled with a soft smile.

“Yeah” Nicolette laughed slightly, “I guess I surely look like it don’t I?” She flashed a smile back.

“My names Beverly, I’ll help you to your class” She had walked her there, complimented her look, and bid goodbye before she entered her class. Literature.

“-and you are?” The teacher turned the moment the door creeped open and all 30 something pairs of eyes turned their full attention to her.

Shit.

“I’m late and confused” she said, hoping to get a bit of the attention on the joke instead of the increase of reddening on her cheeks. She quickly showed him the schedule and he nodded.

“Miss, you have missed quite a bit. Mr Huggins, would you be so kind in updating Nicolette on the subject?” She watched as a tall kids head snap up, a scowl on his face almost hissed at the teacher to fuck off but all he did was give him a light nod and a roll to the eyes.

Nothing but fun for me, she thought while making her way down the aisle towards the moody teen.

——

The only reason why the teacher picked me was because he knows my ass doesn’t want to do this shit

Belch thought, trying to avoid eye contact with the soft but different looking girl coming his direction. Her eye color was really dark, giving her a sort of innocence to her already all over light looking appearance. Not in the lame sort of nerd way, but she looked cool. Her movements had a rhythm, and despite his rudeness and the embarrassment, she kept the corners of her mouth tugged up in a small grin, a small dimple appearing in her left cheek.

Wow

He thought, suddenly finding it hard to look away.

“Hi” She timidly started. Half facing her body towards him as she sat in her stool. He tried his best to look disinterested. “I’m like, really fucking obsessed with your tee right now” she said half nervously, but it caught his attention almost instantly.

“You’re into the Grateful Dead?” He suddenly mimicked her position, turning more towards her.

How? She looks like she could be into madonna or some shit.

“God, I obsess over them. Back when I lived in Cali, I would travel up the coast to try and follow them, got as far as two shows before I ran out of money” she grinned wider, deepening the indent in her cheek, thinking of the fond memory.

He knew he had to keep his very serious angry reputation, but he couldn’t help but smile back at her, this very soft non intimidating person that had sat herself comfortably next to him. Not once did they bring up English, and he felt off glances from his around him, but Belch felt the urge to keep his attention to her. She was off, no one ever looked like Nicolette, the giddyness of her voice was contagious. He learned her name was Nicolette Willow, and she had lived in several locations of California, but also some in Arizona, Washington, New York (not the city itself, but some “shitty off brand version of New York City outside of the real thing” type of city which she described).

She tugged at her hair often, twirling it between her fingers. It was soft brown, but he quickly noticed a faded streak of pink hidden under the top layer. That’s cool.

The bell rang what felt like few minutes after they began to conversate and everyone quickly ran out, but he watched carefully as she reached towards her bag, and slung it over her shoulder.

“Well, Belch, would you mind walking me to my next class?” She said hopefully, you could hear it in her voice, and he was motivated to say yes, but seriously, if people saw him walk around with someone like that, if Henry, he thought, or Patrick, saw him walking around with someone like her, they would think he’s gone too soft?

“I would honestly love to” He began, rising from his stool, “but I had this uh, my coach wanted me to run over early to practice some athletics” he quickly covered up, finding the cracks between the floor tiles incredibly interesting.

———

“That’s fine, I’ll probably find it myself. See you around Belch, yeah?” Her cheeks felt like they were burning, could anyone notice under her powdered foundation?? Could he? She quickly skipped over to the door, trying to avoid awkward silences.

“Wait, uh, Nicolette?” He called over her shoulder, trudging behind. The now empty classroom echos as his large boots hit the floors. She felt overly excited yet nervous now under his towering gaze, he seemed confident and she tried her best to do the same. Straightening her back, flashing her grin. “Me and a few friends are hanging out after school, would you, like to join?” He offered her a smile, and she couldn’t help but laugh, delighted.

“Seriously? That would be so rad yeah I’d love to” Her heart skipped a beat when he winked, his hand lightly grazer her waist as he walked around her.

Jesus that was really attractive

At lunch she didn’t know where to sit, but she knew damn well never to get food on the first day at a school. It sucks standing in the cafeteria with a full tray and no where to sit. She ended up settling outside by a tree, observing kids and their group of friends.

I would fucking kill to be back in my own small group of friends.

“Nicolette was it?” The red head from before, Beverly, approached, snapping her out of her daze.

“Uh, yeah, Beverly?” She plopped herself next to her and brought her knees up to her face.

“Yeah, that’s me. So you new here?” Nicolette only nodded, glancing over at the pale freckled girl next to her.

“Fresh from LA, I’ve never imagined myself to go from such a place to a small town in the middle of no where” she said with a slight frown, quickly realizing she had said after. “Not saying Derry is such a terrible place, I’m sure it’s a wond-“

“No don’t worry about it, it does fucking suck here. There’s the asshole kids and then the really asshole kids, and everyone knows everyone’s secrets.” Bev said, pulling out a lighter from her pocket and a pack of cigs, offering one to the girl beside her. She quietly thanked her and pulled one out.

“What about that guy?” She pointed towards Belch, the mean scowl back on his face as he walked around with another tall dark haired guy.

“Part of the shittiest assholes in this town” laughed Beverly, catching Nicolette in surprise.

“Really? But he’s so sweet” she said quietly, momentarily pulling away her cig to blow out smoke. Bev turned to her giving a grossed out facing, laughing a little. “He is! And I don’t know kinda cute”

“What kind of drugs are you taking? He’s part of Bowers gang, they’re basically the biggest bullies of the school” The conversation didn’t last, but she dropped the subject and finished her smoke before a few of her own friends called her over, and Nicolette was left to ponder as she studied the now 4 boys sitting on the opposite side of the courtyard. Dark edgy clothing, they had a very “fuck off” vibe with everyone that came remotely close.

The day had gone by remotely quick, maybe it was the dazed off mood she was feeling, but before she knew it she was in her last period, Belch and a friend friend of his sat a few seats behind. Their not so quiet bickering traveled to her ear, making it incredibly hard to concentrate. A particular joke towards the end of class made a giggle escape, catching Belch and Henry’s attention.

“Hey, sunshine” she heard from behind, assuming from the friend. Her head turned to fully look at their faces, both with amused smirks. “Do you like what you’re hearing? Can I assist you in any other pleasurable ways?” he proudly said, earning an eye roll from Belch.

“Hey honey” she said, now fully turning her body, “I doubt you’ll know how to actually please me, or any other woman in that matter” Shrugged, earning a laugh from Belch. It was her turn to wink at both of them, the she turned back to face the front of the class again. When the bell finally rang she went to run out but her elbow was caught in Belch Huggins grasp, catching her after class for the second time that day.

“Would you like a ride home?” He asked, catching her completely off guard.

“Actually my mom was picking me up, but maybe later you could possibly pick me up?” She said a bit suggestedly.

Does this seem like I’m flirting? I’m so fucking bad at flirting. Does he notice? HAS HE NOTICED? Why is his friend being such a dumb fuck?

She glanced over to Henry, drawing a penis on the chalk board, then being swatted away from the teacher.

“Yeah, i could do that” He smiled, and she swore it was the cutest smile she had seen as he handed her a pen and paper allowing her to write her name and address. With a last goodbye she ran out the doors and into her mothers car, beaming.

“How was school today?” Her mother asked, but she sat with a huge grin silently staring at her hands.

This is the best first fucking day I’ve ever had.

/////////////////

uuhhhhhhhh this was really long and I kinda decided to split it up into maybe two parts???? If you want??? A second part???? Let me know idk.