#so i'll take breaks now an again but i'm busy with some stuff anyway tbh

[aezuria]

hiii i love ur writing sm!! i was wondering if u would do leo valdez x reader headcanons? ty!!!

*ੈ✎ keep your head still, i'll be your thrill

—all the small things, blink-182

content: leo valdez x reader

warnings: cursing again

librarian's annotations: the title has no connection to the hcs but it came up while i was writing this also IM SO SORRY THIS TOOK FOREVER 🙏🙏🙏

super clingy i do not make the rules

oh you thought you were gonna get up and be productive?? not today!

fuck everyone else tbh

LOVEEES gossip sessions with u

hes so invested in all the drama u have

probably laying on his stomach and swinging his feet and gasping incredulously. "what!? no she did not..."

got very pouty that you did not invite him to the girls night bc he didnt want to "miss out on the tea" (lwk stealing from my own work oops)

who can blame him tbh

LOVE LOVES DANCING

loves teaching u too (even if u suck)

like imagine him holding your waist and moving you to the beat as you fumble along, his chest pressed up against your own

GOOD LORD

"forward, back, left- there you go," he murmured into your ear, looking down at your feet. you stepped on his shoes a lot more than you should've; did he ever think that his proximity was why you were messing up!?

"you suck at this, don't you?" he laughed, but twirled you around anyway.

"did you ever think you're just a shit teacher?"

"rude!"

also this man was born a star

can probably hit super high notes as if its nothing

ok so we all know how hes a genius right

oh my GOD imagine him explaining how his stuff works and using words you're sure don't even exist and he's so into it and he just sounds so SMART

intelligence is so attractive why does no one talk abt that

you wanted to watch him work on the engine, so you pulled up a stool next to him. you stared at his side, his tank top dirty with grease and sticky with sweat. how long had he been working since you got here?

you'd get mad at him for not taking a break later. right now? you were admiring the view. who wouldn't?

"hey leo?"

he hummed in response, still hyper-focused on the engine.

"how does all that work, exactly?" you were never one for machines—good thing you have a mechanic boyfriend!

he looks to you, a happy glimmer in his eyes. "you really wanna know? so basically— this part connects to that part and then..."

you don't know how long you've been zoned out, too busy staring at his perfect

"y/n?" he finally realizes you haven't been paying attention. "you with me, now?" he raises an eyebrow with a grin on his face.

"huh? what?" you straightened up, fumbling over your words. "yeah! why wouldn't i be?" you tried to act as if you weren't just ogling him seconds before.

"oh y'know.. cause you were checking me out." he winked, leaning back against the engine as he put himself on display. "i mean, you obviously couldn't help it. i mean, look at me!"

someone humble him

its not like he doesn't do the same tho

if he accidentally walks in on you he'd be like "oh my gods-! sorry!" and cover his eyes with his hands, but his fingers are parted so he could still look through. literally the 🫣 emoji

"GET OUT!"

"OKAY I'M GOING DON'T HIT ME- OW!"

he is SUPER ticklish and you WILL use this to your advantage

esp his ears

one time you touched them out of curiosity cause theyre pointer than average and he was like "eek!"

pause

"aww i didn't know you could make that sound!" you poked some more fun at him because that was adorable

"shut up!"

another time he's laying on you, ruining your plans of getting up early and being active. you tried rolling out from underneath him but his arms snake around you like a vice, squeezing a groan out of you.

"leo get off!" you tried shoving him off, but that didn't work either. he simply buried his face into your neck, mumbling a tired no.

you really had shit to do, so you resorted to the last possible tactic. "i didn't wanna have to do this..." you warned. (you so wanted to do this)

you slipped your hands under his shirt and started tickling his stomach, effectively getting him writhing off you with laughter.

"stop-! that tickles!" he tried doing the same back, but he was squirming far too much.

ok real talk now

love loves staying up late with you until its past midnight and you guys are just rambling about random topics. he's just so relaxed with you, his heart feels so full and there's no space anymore, so his bottled up emotions spill out

which is usually a closely-guarded secret because he's just the funny guy of the group, right?

what does he know about feelings? isn't it his job to just keep everyone else happy? joking about everything will take away the pain, won't it?

(it doesn't)

"i don't know, i just- feel like i don't really fit in with everyone. they all have these cool powers, and i'm just.. me." he laughed dryly, face devoid of his usual happiness as he stared at the ceiling. "sometimes, i feel like you could do so much better. but at the same time?" his voice lowered as he rolled onto his side, staring into your eyes. "i want to keep you to myself. i really, really don't want to lose you."

you were glad he finally opened up to you, but your heart ached at the way he thought of himself. how could he not see how highly everyone thought of him, especially you?

"just you? leo, you're the coolest person i know. you're so, so smart, you can fix just about anything, you're funny, you're kind, you can cook; what's not to love?" you smiled softly. you could go on and on about this man. for him to think that he was the lucky one? it was quite the opposite.

"and you don't have to worry," you whispered, cuddling closer to him and pressing a soft kiss to his cheek. "i'll always be with you."

[shanie]

Hiii Shanie! (is that what I should call you? 🤔) I'm the guest from ao3 that sent you that long ass comment 😆😅

Just wanted to start of by saying how extremely sweet it was of you to do this and also how much I appreciated you taking the time out not once but twice to write back! Tbh yes my dumbass did not realise what "noodle incident" meant till you explained it so thank you for that 😊 clearly I'm a bit new to all of this. 😅

Honestly I'm extremely late to the party. I discovered zowens only a little after they won their tag titles last year. I had no idea who they were before that. I took a break from wrestling for about 13 years and only got back into it by accident because of Sami, then Kevin, then zowens. I was switching channels and stubbled upon zowens who happened to be on screen at the time.

So I've had to go back and do a bit of digging and now and then I'll find something that everyone already knew about yearsss ago 🙄😂 and I'll get all excited over it, but everyone else has already been there done that 😂 (also absolutely no one I know likes wrestling or really even knows about it 😭)

I know I've missed out on a LOT with these two (their "glory days") 😭 and I get only glimpses of the past here and there, but I guess as they say better late than never 😁 So I'm enjoying your stories so so much. It's pretty incredible the way you write and the journey you take us on through it.

Ta

🐨

PS. the draft this week..zowens..😌

Hello again, nonnie! 

Glad you could make it! 

I was hoping to hear from you. This mess of business with AO3. Bleh. Hope they get it straightened out soon. 

First off, don’t feel bad for not knowing what “noodle incident” meant. I don’t know if a ton of people do these days. TV Tropes as a website has sort of fallen into obscurity in the past decade or so and that’s where I got the term from. Looking it up, the definition on the site (found HERE) apparently comes from Calvin and Hobbes. Of note: The way I use the term isn’t exactly correct because I have explained the pneumonia incident a little, and will do so in upcoming writing more, but I use the term improperly anyway because it makes sense to me. 

Regardless, stay tuned for more info about the pneumonia incident!  I will warn you though, the current story it’s being written into, “Never Say Goodbye”, is VERY dark. I’m probably going to have to up the rating on it. I use my writing as therapy and I’m going through some stuff right now, so this is how it is manifesting. Hope this doesn’t make you or anyone else hate me, but just know that writing it is helping me cope with my pain and getting me to a better place. 

So yeah. Forgive me. 

Second, don’t feel bad about just discovering Zowens in 2023. Some of the best people just discovered Zowens in 2023! I don’t know how much of last year you’ve managed to see but there is a fair amount of stuff just between summer of 2022 and fall of 2023 that is epic. If you haven’t gotten to explore it yet, I recommend starting HERE. It’s an episode of The KO Show from back in May of 2022 that planted the seeds of the entire Zowens storyline that would go on to them becoming tag champions. That said, as another video reference, that episode of the KO Show would actually be followed up on in August 2022 to properly start the storyline... in a post-show segment after Smackdown in Montreal. Finding video of that post-show segment can be difficult, but HERE is a fan video that has most of the encounter, minus the section that involved Matt Riddle (and the Zowens hug he spurs on) 

Really though, if I had to offer some key highlights, just in WWE, I’d recommend the last ten minutes or so of NXT’s R-Evolution PPV, their match at Battleground 2016 (DEFINITELY Key viewing), The very end of Hell In A Cell 2017 (and the Zowens segment from the next episode of Smackdown), the 10/31/2020 episode of Talking Smack, The leadup and immediate aftermath of their WrestleMania 37 match, the clips I linked above from May and August 2022, Royal Rumble 2023 main event (OMG THAT), and most of all, the ENTIRTY of the 3/17/23 episode of Smackdown which, telling you now, as a Zowens shipper was like a friggin fever dream the night it happened. Cannot understate how that was some Joker Origin Story stuff that night, but the payoff was AMAZING.  

All that said? Like Kevin said at WrestleMania 37. They met, at this point, almost 22 years ago, and the journey has been nuts. If you want a good, easy-to-absorb rundown of those 22 years or so, I highly recommend Mithen’s substack Ring the Bell. It has so much information that starts from the beginning and goes step by step along the path. They’re writing a book too! Keep an eye out for that. 

Anyway, it’s great to see you here and if you need any more tips about how to dig further into the story, let me know. I know you said “Their glory days” but the truth is, in their own words, they’re “Destined to do this forever” and the glory days aren’t over yet. The story has been going on for over 2 decades but it hasn’t ended yet and I don’t believe it ever will. The Sami and Kevin show, and by extension, The Kevin Steen and El Generico show, will never end. 

Over 20 years and counting.  Long live Zowens/Steenerico 

Enjoy the ride. 

[trenchcoatsbi]

Racer IS my guy fr!!! He's my silly idiot who can't say the word 'oyster' ans I love him so so so much!!!!

I'm hoping and praying that one day I'll at least meet a Racer. If nothing else then I want somebody simluar to my friend to torment /silly

like all my other friends I wouldn't torment. besides maybe Hels. but he was basically my nephew so- However the shared love laungagw of the newsises was a) violence and b) physical contact. I need to make a friend I can just drop by for the sole reason of starting shit. Please its good for my health-

Uh anyways. I will not be over Racer for a while :D

Hope you're doing good Phil! I'll probably send in another ask at some point, just to share a project i'm planning in Minecraft, but until then I wanna hear how you're doing :D - Voidling Anon

haha yeah I get that! My mumbo lives walking distance from me (or uh they live walkin distance from my house they're further away rn cause we go to different colleges) and I did not do it often, but being able to just go over and text them like "hey bro let me into your house rn" so i could go be annoying was so nice sajkfhl rahggh i almost miss them now (no one tell my friends but like god i love them so much...)

anyway i've been chilling? not chilling but I've been getting into some other media because i've decided I don't want to just be the mcyt guy in my friend group. Unfortunately in doing that I've somehow ended up being the vtuber guy & the one crying about video characters every other day (IN MY DEFENSE IN STARS AND TIME IS SO GOOD THAT I CAN'T HELP IT) but ehhh they'll get used to my new rants eventually.

uhhh most of what I do now is just like school work, hanging out with my roommate. and trying to work up the courage to make friends with my second roommate. She's cool and we like vibe but she's like really cool and responsible and I'm honestly just slacking in comparison to her so I just try and stay outta her way haha... So yeah it's mostly just like hanging around the dorm room or going on walks for me! I've also been watching anime with the roommate i'm buddy-buddy with already! wasn't much into anime or manga before but all my friends are slowly dragging me into it with them finally lmao

Other than that uhmmm I've been working on art for my art blog again recently! kinda lost motivation to do that when I was mainly doing requests, but we're so back babey! I posted there for the first time in like a month so that's nice :]! I'm trying to figure out what I'm doin over there cause tbh uhhh idk I'm just between a lot of things rn and I don't know if I want to keep the blog like it's been or if I wanna change things up.

idk I'm just goin with the flow for now but i do have work to do too yknow? i've bumbled my way into being the serious business guy (geez im so many guys... i wear so many hats) in most friend/social groups I'm in so even though I'm a massive goober who's usually goofing around I'm the one who deals with serious stuff and uh I can't take a break from that ever sooo... it's like vibing with a side of having to but on my business man pants every now and then to keep things functional haha

[iampikachuhearmeroar]

well I've had an interesting first week of the year back at work. I managed to get through to my usual doctor this week, which is a bit of a miracle, considering she's always back late jan/early feb each year. she's recommended 3 places for me to ring to follow up on a probable ADHD diagnosis. the best one is one in Sydney, in Bondi.

but to do all of their tests would mean I'd try to jam them into a week, if I could (probs not let's be real), or each time I do one I spend on a hotel room to stay up there, since I just wouldn't feel bothered to the 2 hour drive home after 8 hours of tests. but the Sydney one gives you a brain scan which would be super cool. but also if you managed to get bulk billed, it's $1,200. also they don't focus on meds, they focus on "brain based" and behaviour change stuff.

the other 2 places are local to my area, but you have to ring to find out their prices. but on the other hand, my doc said to leave all this stiff until after I have my colonoscopy that's booked for a couple weeks from now, on the 16th.

work is better since I'm not at a tired low point like I was at the end of last year. my boss is a bit happier that I'm turning up at the office at around 8:50 roughly and set up by 9. but yeah I hate having to cut my pre work bed relax after my bath each morning to 7:15 to get out the door by 8;20. but rn 8:20 is only working bc it's the school holidays so I'm not locked into the mronjng school run traffic and school zones right next to my house (basically). so it means I will have to bother to leave at 8:15 or whatever when school starts back up again on jan 31st.

but yeah. I still haven't handed in any of my unfinished (or unstarted) cadestship assessments; bc I forgot right before we left of chrissy/NY break to ask our outsourced IT guys to set up our VPN access app (it just gives you a code to type in) on my phone to access the work hard drive at home lmao. so I've meant to start this week, but I just haven't.

aside from work, the other interesting thing is that someone from the catholic school I went to for years 7-10 from 2008 til 2011, decided to invite me to a 10 year reunion that someone else from our year group from that school set up on Tuesday on fb for October this year. and I was just so surprised that someone bothered to remember me and invite me.... and I feel kinda touched tbh lol. bc i didn't even graduate with them properly, in a way, in 2013, bc I obvs graduated at the public school that I transferred to. it's so random that someone thought to invite me all these years later.

and I'm also stressing over the event a little. mostly on the level of what to wear to it, obvs lmao. but also, most of these people are successful working in good jobs. or they run their own successful local businesses/take over their parentd businesses.

while, on the other hand. I finish my cadetship in march, and I have no idea whether i'll be kept on where I am or whether I'll be somewhere else or jobless lmao. but anyway. it's going to be so weird seeing anyone from that school again, when half of them have kids and are married now or some have even divorced or split from their partners that they married in our early 20s (or at least that's what I've deduced from their name changes on fb back to their original last name I knew them by in school).

also im bitterly jealous of a few of them because they've bought their first house or have a second house and are using their first as an investment property. like bruh. am I the only one who still hasn't moved out of home yet??? and obvs there are obvs other people renting but still. am i the only one still at home??? I don't want questions about that tbh.

like is it even worth catching up with these people, when I still remember the derision I got from one of the girls from my group from that school, when I ran into her at uni back in 2016??? how she told me that everyone was actually SO GLAD that I'd left bc apparently they were all secretly harbouring embarrassment for my behaviour and my "attention seeking" or whatever the fuck she said to me???? but also part of me hopes that rich boy goes and is happy to see me and I'll get to congratulate him in person on his engagement or perhaps being married by the time this event happens (if it even does lmao). and that's my other thing. could just be an elaborate joke where they do this, and I turn up, but NO ONE is there???? like hello trust issues, aren't you looking very sexy this week.

[tunetest-blog]

blog will not be active for a little bit  a few days to a week  due to personal reasons ( i may lurk now an again though & i also have discord available to those who want it to just hmu ! )

[quackisinnit]

What Dream, George, Sapnap, Karl, Quackity, c!Techno, Wilbur would get you for Valentine's Day

Note: probabaly the biggest headcanon i've ever wrote KDSHJS i'll only do this when theres a speacual occasion. sorry it came out so late!!

Genre: fluff, romantic, irl and in-game, gender neutural, they/them

Warnings: none

Navigation

Dream

Heart Shaped Balloons and Flowers

he would bring you to a fancy restaurant

like he would go all out

anyways

he gives you the gifts like before you leave the restaurant

he payed for the check

and he just stands up and says "wait here, i'll just get something real quick from the car"

you're so confused cause like

he already brought you to a fancy place?? what other surprise does he have for you

and he comes in with the balloons and flowers

and you're all like

"dream you're too sweet, i'm gonna cry"

"aww no dont cry D:"

when he gives it to you he kisses your cheek and say some romantic stuff

"i love you so much y/n"

"i'm so grateful for you, thank you for sticking withme theough thick and thin"

George

Chocolates and A Teddy Bear

you would both be at home

just hangin out

cause why go out if you can just stay at home an watch movies together??

he'd even make you pick the movie

which is pretty rare

cause in his words,

"you always pick the worst movies"

"wdym??? i pick the best movies D:<"

and while watching

he gets up and you dont really expect anything

cause yaknow he could be going to the rest room

and when he comes back,

he calls out to you, gifts in hand

"y/n,"

you then look at him and he smiles at you

"happy valentines day:)"

and he'd give you the tightest hug in the world

"aw george thank you, you're the best"

"i know😏"

"oh shut up"

Sapnap

A Big Teddy Bear and Flowers

he would try to plan something big

like a big banner with "happy valentines day!", lots of flowers, etc

but he couldn't cause he was busy:((

and a few days before valentines day he'd just buy you flowers

he planned to give it to you before you wake up

so he woke up earlier than you

he tried to make breakfast for you

but he was so nervous so it was pretty hard

like he would be trying to make you some eggs but heended up burning them on accident

in the end he just made you a sandwhich

when he went in you were still alseep

and after a few minutes of deciding,

he called dream LMAOO

"DREAM HELP WHAT DO I DO"

"JUST WAKE THEM UP"

and so he did

you were greeted with a very happy and nervous sapnap

"happy valentine's day:)"

and he'd give you the flowers and sandwhich

later on in the day you both went to a carnival and win you a big teddy bear in one of the games

cause he felt bad for just getting flowers djshsj

Karl

Cupcakes and A Teddy Bear

he'd first greet you in the morning by peppering your face with kisses and handing you the bear

"here you go love, happy valentines day"

and he'd be all giggly that day too

for the next surprise

he would make this a bonding experience

like you would both make the cupcakes

maybe even make a contest and see who makes the better cupacakes

and it'd be so much fun

he'd throw flour at you, try to mess up the color of your icing by adding more food color in it, etc

like you'd be mixing and he just comes up behind you and probabaly throws an egg at your head LMAOO

"okay so i nee-" you feel something hard hit your head and then hear a cracking sound

you turn around to see that karl has thrown an egg at your head

but it didnt break, it only broke when it finally hit the ground

"oh karl you're in for it now-"

you'd be throwing different ingredients at eachother

maybe even spoons and spatulas

"HA get recked y/-" he pauses

"y/n."

"did you just hit my head with a fork?"

"... maybe"

just really chaotic honestly

and cleaning up would be pretty hard

like there would be flour and icing everywhere

but the whole experince was fun<3

Quackity

Flowers and Song/Poem

he'd be stressed about it

like "will they like it?" "is it good enough??"

just lots of thoughts racing through his head

when he gives it (the flowers) to you

his hands would be sweaty

he clears his throat and gets a piece of paper from his pocket

and its the poem

he starts readibg the lines

(spoiler, its a joke poem)

"y/n, the first time i saw you, i pissed my pants"

"and i like ants"

or somethimg like that KSJAK

he'd just say stupid stuff to make you laugh

then after that comes the real gift

the song

this man makes his own song and tune

nothing was taken from the internet

like he wrote the lyrics himself and the tune

and he'd sing it seriously

when done with the song, he looks at you

"did you like it??"

"like it?" you scoffed

his heart fucking STOPS

"i loved it:)"

and he'd just let a sigh of relief

"dont ever pull that shit again i thought you hated it >:()"

Techno

Going on Picnic and Poem

at first he wouldn't know what to give you tbh

he'd be asking phil what to give you

"phil what should i give y/n?"

and phil would help him

"just give them anything, i'm sure they'll love whatever you get"

"but phil what if-"

he'd want something good enough for you

like he doesn't want to get you just flowers

it needs to be something better than that

but at the same time he's just too lazy to plan anything that big

so he just decided on going on a simple picnic

and he also decided to write you a poem

so you're picnic takes face in a large field

in the middle of nowhere

"techno, where are we?"

"you'll see"

you both to a hill where you find a blanket and a basket, filled with various kinds of food and drinks

"aww techno, thank you. you're so sweet:D"

and he'd be all flustered

"yeah but its just a picnic.."

you both sat down and just talked about things

and before you left he told you he had one more surprise

he reaches to the bottom of the basket where a paper lays

he gets it and begins reading it to you

spoiler alert, its the poem

when he's done, just like quackity, he looks at you

"did,, did you like it?????"

"i loved it techno" and you peck him on the lips

and techno?

boom, his heart explodes

"i'm glad you liked it"

he's so awkward and flustered brrr

Wilbur

Chocolates and a Song

with the song he just speedran it

but at the same time he didnt

like he made the tune quickly

but he took a long time with the lyrics

trying to find the perfect words

but it was hard

because you were so perfect and lovely to him

also cause you were always around him

and you might see what he was doing:((

obviously that would ruin the surprise

so he tried his best to keep it a a secret

and he was able to do it

soon valentines day came

and he sang his song to you

in a blanket fort he made

out of chairs, blankets, and pillows

the fort was filled with stuffed animals, snacks, drinks etc

anything you could think of, it was probably there JSJAJSJ

and if you had a pet

they would just be chilling in the fort

he sang his song there

after, he gave you choclates

cause why not??

he loves you so much so why not more gifts???

[gardenerian]

seeing all your thoughts and love for 7x12, which i agree it's one of the best episodes and really ended things perfectly and how s11 missed the mark so much finale (and just overall tbh), makes me wonder (especially since you're in charge now ) what s11, the whole season or just the finale could've been? if it has been more consistent with the earlier seasons and had the s7 finale vibes if that makes sense. so basically im curious what s11 would be like if u wrote it, what basic storylines and how would everyone end the series?

okay YES what i am saying about 7x12 is not that i wish it had been the finale instead of 11x12, or that i would have been happy about not having a better resolution for mickey... it's just that for a hot second that was the finale. and the energy they brought to it, the emotional stakes that were raised - it felt more like a finale than 11x12. as an episode of television, it's glorious. i'm not even talking about the overall s7 arc or what could have been different. of course i would want better for mickey in s7, but it's far better than what we got in s6.

ANYWAYS no pressure or anything 😭 the thing about s11 is that (some of) the bones were good - they just fucked it on execution. they didn't take anything seriously, and they had little cohesion from one episode to the next. so i'll work with what they gave us:

alright so lip and tami are worried about money. yes, sounds good. i don't know how i feel about the born free thing. maybe he loses that job and he doesn't go off the rails and steal those bikes. maybe he loses the job, and he and brad work to keep each other steady?? and i'm even cool with them trying to figure out what to do with the gallagher house - but i would want the conflict with debbie to be handled better. lip does not lie to tami in basically every episode 🙄 and we do not immediately forget about lip's 10x12 relapse, i would have that be something we return to during the season. and brad would be better utilized in this regard!! okay and i would have tami suspect she's pregnant earlier - so the storyline can be about HER and not just about how lip feels about it. i think it's okay that they had some struggles this season, but it needed to be balanced with some wins. maybe lip leaves that dude's house in the finale and goes to pick up some pamphlets at malcolm x. or he at least googles it, jesus.

ian and mickey are getting used to being married and what that means. they have their talks and disagreements about money or getting their new place.... but they don't hit each other! or demean each other! ian quits his job, has a bit of a slump, and mickey finds a solution in the business. i think this takes more than one episode, though. they learn how to run their own business, how to work closely together. all good. terry still dies - idc how, but i'm not putting liam through that. there's no mockery of terry and mickey's relationship, not goofy antics. mickey has MORE TIME AND SPACE to grieve, and he and ian have some room to reflect on their experiences (aka HOS). they don't shove that kids conversation into five minutes during the finale, it's integrated into the terry stuff. i think they'd still move out, but again, it's not shoved into one episode. i think this season is about them forming a more united vision for their future.

debbie and sandy kinda have a similar storyline to ian and mickey - they moved very quickly into a serious relationship, and now they have to figure out how it works in the day to day. debbie grows her business, tries to come back from her ordeal in 10x12. maybe it's difficult, so she struggles there. i'm still cool with her and lip disagreeing about the house.... but it's her house! it's where she is actively living! and i would want her and lip to have better conversations about that. about what it would really mean to her to lose that house. i like that we got more of sandy's story, i do not like how it gave me whiplash. if they break up, it's later in the season, and it's with the understanding that the timing isn't right for them. debbie has some growing up to do, she has some demons to confront. maybe we get the feeling that their story isn't over. NO HEIDI. debbie wraps up the series by committing to franny, to forging a life for the two of them.

fucking carl. carl gets disillusioned with his job, but no POC have to suffer on his journey to realize that it's not what he thought it would be. i think he's like early ian - he was looking for purpose, he was looking to do some good. but he got lost. the problem is... i don't know what happens instead. maybe kev and v take him under their wing earlier, and the idea of him taking over the bar gets planted before the finale. i don't know how he gets the money.... but 🤷🏻‍♀️ carl finds his way to become a figure in the community. (ultimately i'd hc carl doing something else, but for the season, this could be a start)

liam does not suffer for the entire season, i will not allow it. no milkoviches next door. instead of being terrorized by nazis or feeling constantly afraid of becoming homeless, liam is the one to notice something is up with frank. he has to talk to his siblings, who don't care enough about frank to notice a difference. but!!!! they talk to liam, they pay attention to him (even if they don't pay attention to frank). he learns more about things that happened when he was little, when his brothers and sisters shielded him from so much. but he still has his loyalty to frank. liam tries to focus on school, but it's difficult with the pandemic and his sick dad. lip still offers to take him in, no matter what, and he feels more steady.

frank still dies. kev and v still move away - but they are not so isolated from the gallaghers in this season. the twins don't eat a bunch of drugs. i honestly don't remember much else, that season was a fever dream.

they come together in the finale - still love the bonfire callback. no one sings though. they do not stand around and sing at this man whose car is on fire...... i will not allow it. AND THEY TALK ABOUT FIONA, HELL MAYBE THEY CALL HER!!!!

all in all, we just don't waste time on extra characters or extra stories. we focus on them, and how they're gonna move forward. everyone ends the series with a question on what's next..... but we know it's gonna be okay. we know they still have each other. except frank.

[sickassastrology]

What made you different? 🥸

This is a general reading for the collective. This read is about your person you have in mind. Remember that because it is general it will not resonate with everyone. So take what sticks. Your free to choose whatever pile you feel. Heck, there could be little messages in all the piles. Time is fluid and we all have free will. So things can play out at anytime or maybe not at all. Follow your heart always. -E 💙🌻

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Pile 1 🍒🍒🍒

Greetings pile 1, the classy crew with the rider Waite deck. let's get into it. I'm getting whoever this was misused you when they had you. I heard the line from Jackson 5 I want you back. when I had you to myself i didn't want you around, those pretty faces always made you stand out in the crowd". With this group I'm feeling like what made you different to this person was that you had it going on. you had a lot going for yourself. and you didn't share that with just anyone. your riches. your glory. whether it was your body, money, time, energy. whatever the case was...you were selective in who you gave to. you are an attractive energy and human pile 1. and you know it too. 😜 confident. I'm getting the energy of I have a lot going for me, and I'm not going to just be out in these streets. my money is good, I look good, I feel good. It took a lot for you to get there and so you won't share that with anyone & everyone. and then....you gave it to this person and decided to act a fool, right? lol isn't it always like that. this person saw you as being able to take care of yourself, even when it was a lot. im getting heavily that some of yall have family members or siblings (big on the siblings) that you take care of. you are the parental figure to them. you had a lot of responsibilities, and yet you were still like a breathe of fresh air. you still knew how to smile. mature. you always smiled in the mist of sadness. and you meant it too, like it wasn't just a mask. it was like "I still have something to smile about in life. my flowers still grow. there's happiness all around me." you still knew how to give to this person. managing the connection even with your own stuff going on. and they admired that about you. when things got tough you remained calm. never too out of control. you handled each situation how it came and for what it was. although you told this person about your life, you NEVER made it burdensome to them. like that's my life, but we are separate from that. and this person was acting stupid. I see a few of yall into the occult too. and that definitely makes you different, doesnt it lol. but you don't mind it and didn't hide it because it's who you are. when you saw there was sneaky behavior going on, you left. you used your intuition to guide you. and now, this person does have a lot to give and will give it but if I screw them over they will bounce out. you are not the one to do an unfair relationship. I'm seeing this person got caught cheating on their phone. like you saw some hidden text messages. I also heard "nude" like nude photos you found. this person was doing too much. and you were like no it's not fair. and it was like they didn't care. they were only sorry they got caught. they see you are strong, know who you are, know your worth, and you won't bow down to anyone. and that's on purrrr! it hurts you, but you know your special and you are a gift to somebody out there. so if you have to leave, then bye. you'll see why I'm special later on. and this hurts but you know how to keep pushing forward. and your person is just like, omg how are they doing this, how are they still okay!? pile 1, your energy is so beautiful 😍. its very tranquil. and im not saying that you never get upset or anything like that but there is a peace about you. like it didn't work out. okay, cool. I'll just keep working on my life, taking care of me and mine. and best of luck to them, ya know? I see you did love them, like them a lot. but that's the way the cookie crumbles. and tbh, pile 1 I feel you'll be better off without this person anyway. like you'll be happier being a lone, find somebody else, or just keep taking care of business. so many blessings to you all, you deserve wonderful things. ❤

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

PILE 2 🥠🥠🥠

Hi pile 2, so while I was shuffling I heard likeable. so your very easygoing and charming im getting. this pile is nurturing, motherly. I get the energy of "ill lick your wounds for you so you don't have to". Ouuuu a healer. I see. (make sure that people don't try to get over on you, because they will try it)! You are a kind person. I'm getting friendly to everyone around. This pile is let's make love, not war. You don't like to agrue much. This person could have been a fireball and you just put their fire ALLLL the way out lol. I feel like some of yall worked with this person or around them. and there would be competition around you, and they would try so hard to get your persons attention. like look at me!! trying real hard. and then there you were like " I'm just here, doing me". you weren't trying to stand out. and they looked right at your ass too. 😂😂 Pile 2, you are almost too loving for your own good, aren't cha. 🥰 you love life. you showed this person a different way of living, like just go with the flow. but you weren't reckless. if you did go out or drink. I'm feeling like a festival or winery type. you showed this person that life is fun. you are a true free spirit. you don't let a lot of life's qualms bother you. this group is very natural. humanitarian. I heard the word garden. this pile is the type that give to the less fortunate. I'm seeing a person on the street and like you'll give them money, food, or whatever it is with no second thought. very "here you are. be blessed". and this person was in awe of that type of generosity. because this world doesn't have people like that. you weren't doing it for attention. you are a G-I-V-E-R. Tbh, with this pile I'm really feeling like you have a gift to help people, but I'm not sure that you even know that yet. you think that's just how you are. but i see you really doing things with the community. know your purpose you all, because its so important. you are balanced. Yes you are such a giving person. BUT you will hold back IF needed. you know when to hold em & fold em. that's you. you just don't have to try hard. I'm getting your person wears a mask to fit in. you do nothing, you can get somebody's attention without doing much of anything really. you love life and you give life into others. into earth. the seas. skies. heavens. whatever it is, you give life to it. this pile is an empress. very divine feminine. *(remember tarot have NO gender, it is only energy)* you'd make a good parent if you had children. *as I said that, I heard I don't want kids but I have fur babies*. 😂 okay so you take care of your pets as your little babies. we love them too. 🐾🐾 this group wishes good on other people. as I was pulling your oracle. the card purpose slips right from my hands. and it reads. purpose: I know what I am here to do. didn't I say this group fits in to a bigger picture. find the reason you are on this earth, do not waste another minute because you will feed so much life into other people. earth angels. 🥰 beautiful. pride: I love myself and see myself in everyone. and gratitude: I am thankful for life and the opportunity it presents. come through pile 2! confirmation again. I just said you love the life you live. the pride you have is almost humble. it's like you like yourself. the good. bad. ugly. and there's no better way to be. and that's why they like you! heck, I like you 😂 so awesome. let your light shine.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

PILE 3 🥦🥦🥦

Pile 3, whatsup!? How are yall feeling? So right off. This is more about your mindset pile 3. your intellect. this person valued your decision making. you moved very carefully when it came to other people. they would come to you and ask about somebody. and you could look and examine and tell if that person was okay or had some type of ill intent. umm....intuitive much? you are a very wise person. you listen a lot to your gut, even if you have to sleep on it. your going to go with what you feel. you knew how to get work done but you still made time for the connection too. I'm getting that some of you have an important job or school that takes up time BUT you knew when to be silly and take breaks too. I'm feeling like you and this person had really goody times together. snapchat filters and silly faces 🤪😂. you are a very determined person. when things get hard or you fail. you never stop trying until you succeed. but you pace yourself, never tire yourself out. sheer determination from yall. love it. there's a lot of power in that. this group loves gathering information. reading. tv. listening. however you gained it, you shared it with your person and other people. a teacher. you actually made this person become better when you spoke to them. it challenged them. you also had a quirkiness about you. I'm getting you had hidden talents about yourself that were really random 😂. but your person loved it. you all pulled the empathy card. it reads: I am open to seeing both sides of the situation. again yall, you really know how to read people. use this to your advantage and get in touch with yourself. Tbh, if you tap in...you can sense auras. if you can't already! 💫🔮

********************************************************

I have to say, every single one of you are special. each of these piles possess such unique abilities and talents. bless you all. not to say your perfect by any means. but beautiful works in progress. so whether or not these connections work out or your person comes back. you matter. you don't need to change what beauty inside yourself. keep growing. keep challenging yourself. don't compromise. your worth it. so climb to the highest mountain top and scream. "I AM WHO I AM. I AM WORTHY. AND BEAUTIFULLLLL". bless. -E 💙🌻

[oncefutureemrys]

I'm gonna talk about one of my favourite fics bc why not,, it's called I'll tell you my sins (and you can sharpen your knife) by snailguy on ao3 if you want to read it, but do so before reading this ask bc it's all just spoilers.

IT BROKE MY HEART??????? I READ IT A FEW MONTHS AGO AND I'M. NOT. OVER. IT.

... tbh I don't think I ever will

like

merlin saved arthur using magic and arthur saw him, it was really obvious

and he, of course, felt betrayed and had some mixed feelings but-

HE WAS *REALLY* HURT, I MEAN R E A L L Y

so what does he do?

... okay like merlin is having a breakdown and is trying to explain himself and arthur just - he just tells him to kneel. and to be quiet. and you know I'm reading that and I see where its going and I feel like I have something stich in my throat and I'm losing it already

and merlin naturally does as he's told and is sobbing quietly and is trying not to cry but is upset bc he also realised what's gonna happen

and arthur he- he is fighting with himself. he's hurt, he's sad, he's about to do the hardest thing in his whole life. and then- then the writer gives me hope!!!!!!

ARTHUR ASKS MERLIN IF HE CAN ASK HIM KNE QUESTION. and our lil bean says 'anything' and now I'm crying.

and arthur asks him is was ever going to tell him. merlin says he wanted to. none of them misses the unsaid no.

and,, and so many things happen, so. many details are included, it's so beautifully written-- that drop of blood on a blue neckerchief - that shift in Arthur's expression - how merlin still thought about shaving his king---- just--

and then it finally happens

arthur- he slips merlin's throat with excalibur and merlin is choking on his own blood and-------

and all merlin can think about is how everyone will hate him, bc of his magic, how everyone's lives will be easier without him and i-- I just--

and then he remembers all the little things he'll miss. he thinks about butterflies, the sun, waking up in his bed, riding a horse, and now he's crying bc he will never again experience any of this. and he curses kilgharrah and destiny and everything and--

and he- he---- he's gone---

and the nature mourns him.

I WAS HEARTBROKEN AFTER IT. I WAS BROKEN DAMMIT- AND I ABORE IT. I LOVE THAT FIC SO MUCH, IT'S SO BEAUTIFUL, IT'S SO STRONG AND FILLED WITH EMOTION-

.. I needed to rant about it somewhere and you reblogged that post- I had to.

so, I'm sorry for this late response, I was a bit busy finishing some stuff, but I read the fic you were talking aboUT AND AHHHH IT WAS SO BEAUTIFULLY WRITTEN WHATT!

here's the link for the fic I highly recommend but do check those tags because it's very angsty and MCD!

BUT YES FOR REAL HBWAHJDWD THIS FIC HURT ME IN SOOOO MANY WAYSSS I FEEL YOUUUU

LITERALLY THE LEVEL OF DETAIL OF THIS FIC I CANNOTTT IT WAS INCREDIBLEE!! THE WAY THAT YOU COULD TELL ARTHUR WAS WRESTLING WITH THIS DECISION, THE WAY THAT MERLIN FELT SO SAD FOR HAVING DONE THIS TO MERLIN -- LITERALLY I WAS ALSO BEING KILLED LIKE WAJBDHAHJWHJDWJD BRUHHHH THIS FIC HURTTSSS

but omgg WHEN MERLIN WAS SLOWLY DYING AND HE WAS THINKING OF ALL THE LITTLE MEMORIES OF THE REST OF THEM -- STOPPPP STOPP WBADHWJ MY HEART CANNOT TAKE THIS PAINNN THATS NOT FAIR

okay, here's a part of the fic that I loved:

Tears slipped from his eyes, still, as he realised he'd never again wake to Gaius' tinkering in the other room or the birds singing outside his window or hold his mother and breathe her in, that sweet smell of flowers and herbs and the wind, and it'd been far too long since he last saw her and he missed her so much and would she miss him? He'd never laugh as Gwaine flicked his hair in a mockery of some noblewoman that had visited, never feel safe in the hold of Lancelot's warm gaze as he showed him some new spell he'd learned, never finish learning how to braid hair with Gwen or hear her laugh as he tripped over nothing or help her with her chores on the days her father's death weighed on her. He'd never feel Percival or Leon's comforting hands on his shoulder or learn more effective ways to sharpen Arthur's swords from Elyan because he understood how tiresome being a servant could be from Gwen and would help in any way he could. He'd never feel the wind in his hair or see a butterfly or hold a rabbit or look for silly shapes in the clouds or ride a horse or do anything and it scared him because he never realised how much those small things meant to him until they were gone and he'd never get them back, never. Arthur had left him here to rot and there was nothing he could do, couldn't even move or breathe or call for help and he was so scared, so so scared and he didn't want to die, he wasn't ready, please come back, please help me, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, please—

THIS ENTIRE SECTION. I WAS NOT READY. NO THANK YOU, NO SIRRR NOT TODAY.

THE WAY THAT THAT ENTIRE LAST SECTION HURTTT ME ON SUCH A LEVELLLL WAS UNCALLED FOR BHWBABWHDBWJD ANON THIS WAS AN AMAZING FIC BUT ALSO WHY WOULD YOU HURTTT ME LIKE THISSSS BAHJBHDBWJABDW

but that ending was so beautifully done, the emotions WERE SO RAW AND BEAUTIFUL i absolutely loved itttt bwhbadaw literally can see why you might not ever be over it beCAUSE I DONT THINK ILL EVER BE OVER IT.

hhehe thanks for the painnn and the sufferringgg hahaha glad you told me about it though, it was an amazing read!!

anyway

anonymously tell me anything including fics that will break my heart thanks

[punkscowardschampions]

Rio & Buster

Rio: Your lot is doing Summer in Dublin then Buster: Yeah Buster: As standard Rio: Yeah Rio: thought with the move you might not Buster: You thought wrong then Rio: alright Rio: how are you? Buster: Don't Rio: It matters Buster: It didn't last week or whenever the fuck you last spoke to me Rio: Don't need me to tell you things have changed though Buster: But here you are, spelling it out for me, babe Buster: So cheers Rio: that's not what I'm trying to do Buster: What are you trying to do? Rio: ask you how you're doing Rio: to give you a chance to talk, if you wanted it Buster: Well now you have, guess that means we're done Rio: You don't wanna talk about it Buster: Talk about what? Rio: The baby Rio: your brother Buster: I ain't got a brother Rio: You were going to Buster: I'm gonna do loads of things, you don't wanna hear about any of 'em Rio: Go on Rio: try me Buster: I ain't some cunt that's all talk, you can see for yourself if you're around this summer Rio: yeah? Buster: There's not gonna be much in the way of parental supervision, like Buster: Gotta make the most of that Rio: Makes sense Buster: I'll take that Rio: Fair Rio: have you seen your new house, what's it like Buster: Big Rio: Descriptive Rio: send me a link or something Buster: You can just say you wanna see my room Rio: You're stupid Rio: suppose you've already claimed the biggest one Buster: 'Course 'cause I ain't stupid Rio: Lucky you Rio: I always have to share with at least one other person Buster: I don't even have to share a bathroom with Nance, we've both got our own Buster: Perks of being the only kids who made it this far, like Rio: It's something, yeah? Buster: It's everything Buster: My status as fave remains intact, every day you've got siblings coming for yours Buster: Can't catch a break, can you, Cavante? Always the unlucky one Buster: [does send her a link for that brag] Rio: I'm glad Rio: and it is big Rio: looks nice Buster: I wasn't lying Buster: I don't need to Rio: Didn't think you were Rio: just surprised Buster: What's surprising? Rio: All the stuff you'll have to buy to fill it Buster: Couple of shopping trips'll sort it Buster: You know what it's like once you start Rio: Yeah Rio: be fun to do Buster: If I didn't know you better I'd reckon you were angling for an invite Rio: Yeah right Rio: for Nancy's room, maybe Buster: You having this same convo with her? No doubt she'll let you hit the shops with her Rio: Not currently Rio: keep it in mind though Buster: Come on, what's she saying? Buster: You can tell me Rio: I ain't Rio: why would I say otherwise if I was Buster: Why would you be checking on me and not her? Buster: Giving yourself away there, babe Rio: Plenty of reasons Buster: Nah, just the one Rio: You reckon? Buster: I know Buster: Like I said, she's no competition Buster: I'm easily everyone in this fam's fave and that includes you Rio: Let's not get carried away Rio: I'm just being nice Buster: Fuck that, you feel sorry for me Buster: Don't get carried away with that shit Buster: In fact, don't bother with it in the first place Rio: No, I'm sorry something really shit happened to you and your family Rio: that's not the same thing Buster: Nothing happened to me, write in a card to my mum and dad if it'll make you feel better Rio: well it did Rio: but you can ignore it if you want Buster: And what the fuck would you even know about what did or didn't happen anyway Rio: the baby died Buster: Yeah and I mean, who have you ever lost? Buster: You don't know fuck all Rio: I didn't say I got it Buster: Good 'cause you clearly don't Buster: He can't have died if he never took a breath, can he? He wasn't alive Rio: Alright Buster: My dad already sorted me a boxing club before this so I will be Buster: Can't and won't speak for the rest, like I said, you'll have to hit them up to hear that Rio: That's good Rio: I will do Rio: Nance, obviously Rio: not your parents Buster: They're fair game as long as you ain't expecting anything back Buster: Nothing personal, obviously Rio: I'm not going to bother them Rio: not a total idiot Buster: Just me then Buster: You're really proving me right about how special I am Buster: Even if you ain't more excited about the Chelsea champ I'm about to become Rio: I don't think living in the postcode is a requirement Rio: or will do you any favours but you know Rio: all the best players get discovered when they're kids don't they Buster: I reckoned it had a nice ring to it, that's all Buster: Yeah, that's why I'm telling you to watch this space Buster: You can say you knew me when Rio: Gee, thanks Rio: I'll be too busy living my best life but if I'm asked, like Buster: You're never gonna come watch me? Rio: That depends, obviously Buster: I'll obviously win if that's what you're worried about Buster: No need to drown our sorrows Rio: Wasn't Rio: though I'm glad I won't have to see you vom again Rio: depends who my mega rich husband plays for Rio: got to be loyal, like Buster: Yeah, to me Buster: Blood's thicker than his wage packet Rio: Now it is, suddenly Buster: What's that meant to mean? Rio: Well you're telling me to piss off right now but in the future I've gotta ditch my husband for you, yeah? Buster: Yeah, 'cause I ain't said anything of the sort Buster: What I've actually said is I'll see you around this summer Rio: It was implied Buster: Why, 'cause I don't wanna be the guest of honour at some pity party you're trying to throw me? Buster: Don't be a baby Rio: It's not a pity party, you said you're alright and I said the same back Rio: was just asking, weren't I Buster: Of all the shit you could ask me Rio: What do you want to be asked then Buster: When have I ever made life that easy for you? Buster: I know we haven't talked for ages but come on Rio: Again, now you admit it weren't a week, like Rio: just come out and say you wanna keep chatting longer tbh Buster: You first Buster: I wasn't the one who started this convo Buster: You can just say you miss me, babe Rio: Why would I say a thing like that Buster: 'Cause it's true Rio: yeah, 'course Rio: 🙄 Buster: Yeah, 'course Buster: But you can ignore it if you want Rio: Shut up Buster: Make me Rio: Could, easily Rio: but as I'm being nice, despite how hard you like to make it Buster: Do it then Buster: Nobody asked you to be nice Buster: It's boring Rio: Not here to entertain you Rio: or tarnish my 😇 soul thank you Buster: If you're not gonna distract me, what's the point? Buster: There's a long line of cunts waiting to be sorry for my loss Rio: Not what I was offering Rio: was to talk, properly Rio: how many cunts have tried that yet Buster: They know better than to try anything with me, why don't you? Rio: 'cos I know AND do better Rio: obviously Buster: Yeah? Buster: Prove it Rio: to you? Buster: Obviously Rio: Like I said, easy Buster: Like I said, do it then Rio: What do you think I'm gonna do here and now Rio: wait and see, weren't it? Buster: You're not gonna do anything 'cause you're full of shit clearly Buster: My first instinct of you knowing fuck all was right is all we've proved Rio: I'm here doing shit still Rio: but forcing you to have any kind of actual conversation would be counterproductive Rio: even if I could, I won't Buster: What do you want me to say? Buster: I'd love to know what you think an actual conversation about any of this shit would look like Buster: I'm not a little fucking girl Rio: Didn't say you were Rio: and as long as you're saying what you want to say Rio: fine by me Buster: I'm not gonna say shit I don't want to Buster: Why would I? Rio: Loads of reasons people do Rio: but you don't need to Buster: What do I need to do then? Buster: Come on Rio: What's right for you Rio: for now Rio: like I said, you wanna forget about it or pretend, then have a go Buster: Cheers for the permission Rio: It ain't Rio: isn't what I'd recommend or anything but you gotta do what you gotta do Buster: Like I said, who died and made you the expert? Rio: Why are you assuming I'm right and you're wrong Rio: unless you've got doubts, I ain't putting them there Buster: Shut up Rio: Fine Buster: Don't fine me Buster: Fuck you Rio: You want me to say no, I won't shut up Rio: what Buster: Get out of my head Rio: You wanna be alone in it Buster: I am Rio: you don't have to be Buster: Yeah I do Rio: why? Buster: What do you mean why? Buster: It's already happened, no takebacks Rio: 'course there is Buster: You don't get it so get out Rio: I know your parents are Rio: you can't get them right now Rio: but there are other people too Buster: What do I need other people for? Buster: What can they do? Rio: Make it so you aren't alone Buster: Bullshit Rio: they can try Buster: There's no fixing this Buster: It's done Rio: no, of course not Rio: it'll always be there Rio: but pretending it don't matter isn't the only way you can feel alright about it Buster: I already told you, it don't matter to me Buster: If you want someone to be gutted that they ain't gotta spend their time covered in baby shit or years looking out for another person that ain't me Rio: Then there's nothing I can say but fine Rio: what else can I say to that Buster: It ain't stopped you so far Rio: I'll give up and you can be happy about that and all Rio: you're welcome, like Buster: Good Buster: Don't take your bullshit to Nance either, yeah? Buster: She's fine too Rio: I can talk to her if I want Buster: I'm telling you, you can't Buster: So you can't Rio: You can't tell me what to do, is right Buster: I just did Rio: Well sorry to burst your bubble but I won't be listening Buster: Leave her alone or you'll be sorry, like Rio: Oh, shut up, Buster Rio: anyone normal would appreciate the concern, so she'll be fine Buster: She's already fine Buster: and there's fuck all she needs from you even if she wasn't Rio: I can still tell her I'm here if she does need me Rio: you can't stop me, or make out like that's a fucked up thing to do Buster: Upsetting her by bringing all this up is a fucked up thing to do Rio: It only just fucking happened Rio: she'll be upset regardless Rio: and knowing we all give a shit how she feels might bring a tiny bit of comfort if nothing else Buster: She's got me to give a shit how she feels Buster: She doesn't need family members who only come out the woodwork for drama or whatever the fuck Rio: So you're gonna stop her having anyone else, just because you don't want 'em Rio: you don't own her, she can tell me as much herself as and when Rio: and that's not me, fuck you Buster: Who the fuck else are you? Like I said when you first started trying this bullshit, you didn't give a fuck about how we were before this Rio: I talk to her all the time Rio: I don't talk to you because this is about how it goes Buster: We both know why you don't talk to me Buster: If you so badly want me to stop pretending, try it yourself Rio: We don't need to talk about that Rio: was ages ago Buster: Well, in that case, I can't wait for this to have happened ages ago if it means we'll have no reason to talk again Rio: Give it time Buster: Anything else? Buster: You got any other bullshit our parents normally say that you wanna recycle or are you finally running out now Rio: Like yours have, yeah? Buster: Probably not a good time for you to try and slag mine off to be honest, babe Rio: It's not as if they and you don't have bigger problems so not really Buster: Bigger problems than a dead kid? How do you reckon? Rio: Bigger problems than me 'slagging them off' Buster: I see what you're trying to do with it though, normally that'd work on me Buster: Give it time Rio: and that's the least of my concerns but 👍 Buster: You started this convo to get me to talk so it obviously isn't Buster: And really you should take any way in Buster: Whatever you can get, like Rio: Not a therapist Rio: that's what they do Rio: I said you can bullshit for yourself, not that I need to hear it Buster: Stop acting like one then Buster: Jesus, you used to be more fun than this Rio: Not in the mood Rio: funnily enough Buster: Yeah, well funnily enough I'm not in the mood to sit here and talk about how shit everything is Rio: 'cos if you ignore it hard enough it'll stop being shit Rio: solid theory, probably Buster: You ever seen your dad cry? I'm fairly confident he wanted me to ignore that 'cause of how hard he tried to act like he wasn't Rio: It must be shit being a dad Rio: you have to be the strong one for everyone else too, regardless Buster: That's being a man, whether you have kids or not Rio: But you're only doing it for yourself, if you ain't got them Rio: or at least a wife or whatever Buster: That'd make it harder wouldn't it? Just doing it for yourself, on your own with no fallback Buster: Gotta be easier if you're a dad and can focus on what everyone else needs Rio: Yeah Rio: but technically, you wouldn't have to, if no one is looking Buster: You would if you didn't wanna be a pussy Buster: 'Cause what kind of life is that Rio: You can be upset by shit and still not let it eat you up Rio: do something about it, you know Rio: not one extreme or the other Buster: If it's not an extreme thing, maybe Buster: Like some cunt cutting you off in traffic or whatever Rio: because there's nothing you can do about this Rio: 'cept just Rio: live through it and with it Buster: You're not as stupid as you've been acting this whole time then Buster: Good to know Rio: I've not been acting nothing Rio: wanting to say the right thing and being able to are two different things Buster: So say you don't know Rio: Oh yeah, Hi, I don't know what to say Rio: that's less useful than having a go Buster: It'd be better than acting like you're got all the answers when you don't Buster: And trying to give 'em to me Rio: That's not what I was trying to do Buster: Could've fooled me, like Buster: Every cunt thinks they know how I feel or are trying to tell me how I should Rio: I was just trying to ask Rio: I said Rio: you'll do what you gotta, you're not a total idiot all the time Buster: I'm surprised you remember what I'm like Buster: It's been ages Rio: say it's been that long is a bit dramatic though Buster: Aren't I allowed to be dramatic though? Buster: Unfair if not Rio: I remember you don't have much interest in what you are and aren't allowed to do anyway so Rio: doesn't matter Buster: It won't matter if I have a drink then Buster: So long as I remember brandy's shit Rio: what are you going to have Buster: Whatever else I can find Buster: Shame you ain't here to help me look or keep a look out Rio: flattered you trust me with either, like Buster: You were always good for either Buster: Unlike Nance Rio: all got to have our uses Rio: I won't talk to her, if you really think it'll upset her too much Buster: Like you said, she'll be upset if you do or don't Buster: That's not the problem Rio: Yeah Rio: goes without saying Rio: and it's probably just another stupid thing to say Rio: but I'm sorry Buster: You didn't kill him Buster: And you'd probably make her feel better or some shit Rio: Alright Rio: it won't be like this Rio: probably Rio: she's not as much of a twat as you, like Buster: Cheers Buster: All gotta have our uses, babe Buster: Mine just happens to be winding you up Rio: You do it well Buster: 'Course Buster: I do everything well Buster: It's why I'm the fave Rio: So you keep saying Buster: Until you at least try and argue back, I've gotta Rio: can't deny facts, don't need to argue them Rio: 👸 me Buster: Princesses are shit, why would you wanna be like that? Rio: How are they shit? Buster: What else would you call waiting around to be saved and kissed and all that bullshit? Rio: they aren't even like that anymore Rio: and better than being a 🤴 Rio: they barely had names, nevermind stories beyond showing up at the end when all the shit had settled down Buster: I'm just saying, if you want something fucking get it Buster: And who cares about a name if you can have a ⚔ Rio: maybe they wanna be kissed and saved, they get that Buster: Shit thing to want Buster: If you can have anything Rio: Yeah, a sword is well better Buster: A fight is Rio: 🙄😏 Buster: You should have a go Buster: You'd like it Rio: I'm not getting lumpy ears and a wonky nose, thanks Buster: Learn to block and keep your guard up then Buster: It ain't difficult Rio: I'll leave it to you, still Buster: I didn't wanna teach you anyway Rio: you didn't offer Buster: You saying you'd change your mind if I did offer? Rio: Summer is long Rio: have to find shit to do Buster: Alright then Buster: I'll show you how to save yourself, princess Rio: Alright Rio: no ⚔s Buster: I don't need 'em so neither will you after I'm done teaching you what I know Rio: You're on, McKenna Buster: I'm always on, babe Buster: Too much to do to switch off Rio: Really Rio: like what Buster: Like becoming more famous than your future first husband Rio: That's so rude 😒😂 Buster: It's rude that I've gotta go that hard to get your attention Buster: You could just cheer for me Rio: Not enough that all the Chelsea supporters will be, nah Buster: There's no such thing as enough Buster: It's gotta be all or nothing Rio: Never gonna please everyone Buster: I will everyone who's watching Rio: 👌 Buster: You'll see if you're there Buster: Just that good Rio: If you're even half as good as you brag, sure it'll be impressive Buster: 😒😂 Rio: Guess I'll see you around then Buster: Yeah Rio: Really Rio: not gonna hit me with a final 'hope not'? Buster: I wouldn't have said it first if I was gonna Rio: just not wanting to speak to me ever again, like Rio: okay Buster: I'm replying now Buster: If I didn't want to, I'd just be reading Rio: not gonna talk to myself am I Buster: I don't know Rio: 🙄 Rude Rio: you aren't the only one with things to do Buster: Well, I'm off the to-do-list now, yeah? Buster: Good deed done Buster: Not that leaving me to drink alone qualifies, like Rio: Reckoned that was what you wanted so, does Rio: 'Well, in that case, I can't wait for this to have happened ages ago if it means we'll have no reason to talk again' is a decent enough hint, like Buster: Rio Rio: Yeah? Buster: I don't know Buster: Forget it Rio: why Buster: What? Rio: why do we have to forget it Buster: Life's a headfuck right now Buster: If you really need a why Rio: yeah Rio: it is and I do Buster: Or we can say that once I've got this drink down me I'll likely forget loads anyway Buster: And I'll definitely chat more bullshit than I already have Rio: Might not be the sensible thing to do, or right or Rio: whatever Rio: but its probably the only so Rio: go ahead Buster: When have I ever done the sensible or right thing? You've got the wrong twin Rio: Easy mistake to make Buster: That's well offensive Buster: Worse than the taste of this Rio: plug your nose Buster: You should've given me those instructions when I wiped the thick layer of dust off the bottle, but cheers Buster: Worked out why it was still there though, ain't we Rio: 😷 Rio: you know the drill Rio: just pretend its medicine and get it down Buster: Easy enough when it tastes like it is Rio: bottoms up, boy Rio: I'd say I'd virtually join you but not anywhere long enough for shit to collect dust so Buster: How many 🎄🎁s do you reckon it's been in the cupboard? Rio: Probably since before we were born, like all things we're meant to forget about 🙄 Buster: How am I meant to forget about him? Rio: I don't know Rio: do you want to Buster: Maybe Buster: I think my mum and dad want me to Rio: Yeah? Rio: Maybe they're just not ready to talk about it yet, like Buster: Like you said, it's what this family does Buster: Loads of things we're meant to pretend never happened Rio: Has it ever actually worked, though Rio: we all still remember it, we're just meant to shut up about it Buster: Ask me in the future Buster: We can find out if it works or not Rio: Alright Rio: remind me in however many years Buster: Alright Buster: Since you've reminded me to remind you Buster: Do you reckon I'll always feel like this? Rio: I don't think anything stays the same forever Rio: so you've got a good chance that no, you won't Rio: sometimes better, sometimes worse Buster: Do you really not? Rio: Yeah Rio: everything is always different for me Rio: new countries, new siblings, whatever Rio: might be nice if some things stayed but Rio: I don't think so Buster: I think it's a pretty safe bet that I'll think brandy tastes like shit forever Buster: And whatever this I've got now is Buster: No chance of any new siblings for me either Rio: Well, that's true Rio: maybe some things can and do stay then, for good and bad, just like change Rio: You don't think they will Buster: What do you want to stay? Rio: You mean aside from being favourite? Buster: That's a given, so what else? Rio: Hmm Rio: give me a second to think, like Buster: Come on, you have to know what you want Rio: To happen in the future, yeah Rio: but you're talking about staying Rio: me in 5, 10 years might not appreciate what she gets stuck with if you rush me Buster: Fuck it, I won't tell her Rio: be a waste of time travel if you did Buster: Exactly Buster: So you can just tell me Rio: I don't know, ugh! Rio: Just everyone else to stay Rio: really Rio: what else? Buster: It's shit that I don't get to Rio: to stay? Buster: Yeah Buster: I like being in Dublin Rio: You'll probably like London Rio: loads to do Buster: 'Course Rio: but I get it Rio: it's home, even though it ain't Buster: It's home 'cause granddad's there Buster: So he ain't allowed to die Rio: Should be good Rio: some perks to starting young, right Buster: I don't know, age obviously wasn't a factor for the baby Rio: I know Rio: but the baby was just Rio: it's not fair Buster: You're not allowed either, okay? Buster: So don't Rio: I won't Rio: promise Buster: Good Rio: No one else is gonna die Buster: Ever? Rio: Well, I probably won't be the first to go so I won't promise that Rio: but not for a really really long time Rio: 'til they're old, when you're meant to Buster: Okay Rio: okay Buster: I feel like when you're really really fucking hungry, you know? Buster: Except I'm not Rio: yeah Rio: like an actual ache Buster: If I drink all of this it'll go away, yeah? That's why the pub's always rammed, like Rio: Like you said, you'll forget Rio: for as long as it lasts Buster: I did say that Rio: I remember Rio: not got a drink, me Buster: You're gonna have one with me when I'm back though, ain't you? Rio: if we can get something better than brandy, sure Buster: That won't be hard Rio: easier than getting everyone to leave us alone Buster: I can do it Buster: Everyone fucks off when I'm angry Rio: just don't have a go at me then Buster: Don't be a baby Rio: 🙄 I'm not but you wanna not drink alone don't you Rio: that's the plan Buster: Fine, I won't have a go at you then Rio: 👍 Rio: you probably will but you know Buster: I give you my word Rio: You're funny Buster: I'm serious Rio: still Rio: talking like a 🤴 all of a sudden Buster: I am a 🤴 Rio: Okay, your highness 😏 Buster: 😏 Buster: I won't get used to you calling me that since you ain't the one who promised not to have a go at me Rio: We don't ever play that nice Rio: you wouldn't like it if I did Buster: Have you played truth or dare since? Rio: have you? Buster: I asked you first Rio: fine Rio: not very noble of you but Rio: few times, yeah Buster: What's a few? Rio: I dunno Rio: a go-to at sleepovers and stuff, ain't it Buster: Not for lads Rio: Obvs Rio: boys are less nosy than girls Buster: They don't need to be Buster: Lads tell each other shit if it's worth saying Rio: so do girls Rio: usually the person who suggests it is just waiting for the right 'truth' like Buster: Girls reckon everything's worth saying Buster: But yeah lads are just waiting for the right dare Rio: Yeah, your sister is well chatty 🙄 Buster: She's not like a girl girl Buster: Don't be weird Rio: she's not a boy is she Buster: You know what I mean Rio: it's not weird Rio: or what am I not a girl too Buster: You're not my sister Buster: And you're actually well chatty Rio: ha ha Rio: and still related though Buster: I ain't forgotten Rio: Good Rio: would have to tell someone if you were that gone, like Buster: You reckon you can get away with snitching on me again now, after the brandy? That's brave Rio: 'cos I am Rio: but not a snitch Rio: just not going to let you die either Buster: I didn't then Buster: And this time I'm well older Rio: good, then I won't need to, will I Buster: Nah Buster: You will need to show me how brave you really are though Rio: ? Rio: How Buster: Good question Rio: answer it then Buster: You're there and I'm here so I'm thinking Rio: 🤔 Buster: I'd dare you again but I have no way of checking if you properly did it Rio: depending, can send 📹📷🎙 Buster: Yeah? Rio: if you're serious Rio: why not Buster: Alright Buster: [future Jen insert a dare here that goes too hard for being 10 because you were thwarted very hard in your search] Rio: [let us assume it happened 'cos very unlikely she'd nope out] Rio: See? Told you Buster: Yeah, well I wasn't gonna hit you and teach you how to if you were a gonna be a little girl about it, was I? Buster: That'd be stupid and I ain't Rio: You know me Rio: like it or not Buster: But it's been ages Buster: Like it or not Rio: Well I've not changed for the worse Rio: I'm not stupid either, thanks Buster: Now I know that Buster: Don't you wanna ask me? Rio: You drunk enough to start telling the truth? Buster: Not a liar anyway Rio: I know Rio: Okay Rio: Do you miss us Buster: Depends who you mean Buster: I don't miss all your little brothers and sisters trying to tag along with us Buster: But I do miss you Rio: That's fair Buster: No it ain't Rio: it'd be good if you lived in Dublin Rio: everyone else does Rio: basically Buster: I know Rio: parents always do what they wanna though Buster: They didn't even ask us where we wanted to move Buster: Why can't I have a say, like? Rio: Think they know what's best Rio: even when there's fuck loads to show they don't Buster: They'll probably break up and then I'll have even more houses to live in Rio: You think so? Buster: None of my mates parents are still together and nothing this shit happened to cause it Rio: Suppose so Rio: you parents are different though Rio: no offense Buster: What the fuck does that mean? Rio: You know Rio: been together forever Rio: more to throw away than most, isn't it Buster: They had to throw him away, that's a lot too Rio: Yeah Rio: but your mum wouldn't have anyone Rio: well, Ro but Buster: Don't Rio: I'm just saying Rio: I don't think you have to worry about that Buster: And I'm saying my mum doesn't need anyone, she's literally the strongest person ever Buster: And you don't know what I have to worry about or not Rio: Alright Buster: Shut up Rio: I have Buster: I know you Buster: I know you haven't Rio: You're right that I don't know Rio: but if it's not comforting to say I don't think so then it ain't, not gonna force you to believe me Buster: It ain't your job to comfort me Rio: No Rio: just the right thing to do Rio: anyone would try Buster: Why do you have to do the right thing? Buster: Everything's wrong anyway Rio: that's easy then Rio: so one thing isn't Buster: If that makes you feel better Rio: Nothing is gonna make you feel better, yeah? Rio: maybe the drink, for a bit Rio: so why would I be thinking I could Buster: Why do you? Rio: I don't Buster: Then what's the point? Buster: I don't even know where you are, there's so much shit you could doing that ain't this Buster: Why do you wanna be here? Rio: Make myself feel better, like you said Rio: good deeds, whatever else Rio: go with that, if you like Buster: Or you could go with a truth Buster: Even though we ain't still playing Rio: 'cos he was your brother Rio: so he was my cousin Rio: and even if I get it wrong, then you can be angry at me Rio: which will feel better than being angry at the world Buster: What's it feel like from over there? Rio: just Rio: useless Rio: makes you feel useless Buster: Yeah Buster: I feel useless too Buster: Nance really wants to talk about him but there's nothing to say Buster: He didn't get to do anything Rio: Yeah Rio: maybe you can just listen Buster: I can't Buster: I just get angry Buster: that she's sad and there's no way to stop it Buster: And then she gets angry at me back, 'cause I'm not sad Rio: she might rather be angry Rio: I don't know Buster: Me either Rio: It's really shit Buster: You won't miss me now even if you did before Rio: Why not Rio: none of this is your fault Buster: Like you said, it's really shit, so none of my mates call for me or ask me to play footie in case I lose it and hit 'em Rio: when you go boxing, you can get that out there Rio: then they will Buster: It don't matter, we're moving Buster: I'll have new ones Buster: Ones who don't know Rio: Be easier Buster: Yeah Rio: Do you want me to not bring it up again then Buster: Be easier Buster: So you just said Rio: If you always want easier Buster: I'm not a pussy Buster: I can handle anything you wanna throw at me Buster: Same goes for anyone else Rio: I didn't say that Rio: know you can Rio: why I'm asking Buster: You can say what you want then Rio: Okay Rio: I will then Buster: Good Rio: I do, you know Buster: What? Rio: Miss you lot, too Buster: It'll be summer soon Rio: I know Rio: I think we'll be back for good anyway Buster: You reckon your mum and dad can stay in one place for good? Rio: It's getting really stupid now Buster: Yeah Buster: You sound like a 🤖 all the languages you know Rio: Oh thanks Buster: You're welcome, babe Rio: 🙄 Buster: It's a compliment, like Buster: 🤖 are better than 👸 Rio: It is not Buster: Come on Rio: I don't wanna be a robot Buster: I don't want you to be a princess Buster: I can't be fighting off all those 🤴 all the time Buster: Very busy Rio: You won't need to Rio: not when you teach me how to punch Buster: If you want to punch 'em all I won't need to Buster: But you might not Rio: What's that supposed to mean Buster: You know what I mean Buster: 💃👠🎉 all that 👸 shit Rio: Why don't you want me to have all that 👸 shit Rio: bit mean Buster: I do but like you said Buster: 🤴s ain't shit themselves Rio: I'll manage Rio: there's gotta be something between 🤖 and 👸 Buster: 🐸💋 ain't a problem for robots though Rio: Nothing is Rio: they're not real Buster: 'Course they are Rio: not human Rio: no emotions, nothing Rio: what's the point Buster: I don't know Buster: It sounds alright Rio: you can take it then Buster: You still gonna hang out with 🤖 me? Rio: give it a shot, like Rio: might get bored Buster: Nah Buster: I could never be boring Rio: 😏 Buster: You know it's true Rio: Alright Rio: give you that Buster: I'll take it Buster: If that's the best you can do Rio: You really want me to sit here and compliment you Rio: idiot Buster: One way to distract me Buster: But if you've got any better ideas, I'm listening Rio: Buster Buster: Yeah? Rio: never mind Rio: I'll think of something Buster: I told you, you can say what you want Rio: you can say that, like Buster: I did Buster: Twice now Rio: you know what I'm saying though Buster: Just tell me Rio: can you just Buster: Stop? Nah I can't Rio: be easier, remember Buster: I don't want or need easier, remember Rio: it won't make this better though Rio: I don't wanna make it worse Buster: You reckon you can? Rio: could always be worse, like Rio: doesn't need to be a challenge though Buster: Don't be a pussy, Rio Rio: Don't call me a pussy Buster: Don't be one Rio: I'm not Buster: I don't feel anything Buster: It don't matter what you say Rio: then I don't need to say anything Rio: I said, it don't matter either Buster: Whatever Buster: I take it back, you ain't brave Rio: Fuck off Buster: You fuck off Rio: Fine Rio: be like that Buster: It ain't me Rio: yeah s'all my fault init Buster: Yeah Rio: 👍 great Rio: whatever then Buster: You're winding me up Rio: 'cos why Rio: you won't drop it Rio: not me Buster: I can't win with you Buster: It's my fault when we don't talk and it's my fault for having a go now Rio: Guess we just shouldn't then Buster: Jesus Rio: Well when we do we're just reminded why we don't right Rio: cut out the middleman Buster: You're lucky you ain't a lad Buster: I'd have to beat the shit out of you Rio: Lovely Rio: well mature Buster: Like the silent treatment then Rio: Not what I'm suggesting or doing Buster: You just did suggest it Rio: I'm not gonna blank you Rio: I mean actual talking Buster: I know what you mean Rio: Then don't be so extra Buster: Don't tell me what to do Rio: How about you don't threaten to beat me up, let's start there yeah Buster: You're being stupid now Rio: You're the one that said it Buster: 'Cause you won't talk to me Buster: It's not fair Rio: I'm fucking trying Rio: it's just Rio: awkward Buster: Fuck awkward Buster: Everything's shit Rio: alright so it's an understatement Rio: it can be both Buster: I'm saying I don't care if it's awkward Buster: We could both die tomorrow, like Rio: Could not too Rio: then everything will still be shit with more on top Buster: Fine, fuck off then Rio: Stop telling me to fuck off Buster: Do it and I won't have to Buster: I'm not trying to make things worse for you Rio: I'm not scared of you Buster: I don't want you to be scared of me Rio: Well I'm not so don't worry Buster: I'm not Rio: Problem solved then Buster: Yeah Buster: That one's over and done with Buster: Cheers Rio: So welcome Buster: Good, we're done here then Rio: Stop it Buster: Nah Buster: You don't wanna talk Buster: What else are we gonna do? Rio: I do wanna talk to you but I don't know why because you're so annoying Rio: alright Buster: Less annoying drunk than the one who almost puked all over you Rio: Hmm Rio: Debatable Rio: he was kinda cute and helpless like Buster: He was a little kid Rio: What are you now then Buster: I'm not a kid Buster: And I can handle my drink now Rio: Good to know Buster: I'm not gonna make a twat out of myself or you at the pub, don't worry Rio: that's not what I care about Buster: Alright Rio: I'm not that much of a bitch, you know Buster: It don't make you a bitch to give a shit about what people think of you Buster: Reputations are important, like Rio: Not to me Buster: Why not? Rio: Why would it Rio: I know who I am, the right people get it Rio: I'm not gonna try to convince anyone of anything Rio: just don't need to Buster: How do you know the right people get it? Rio: 'Cos I am the right people Rio: if you don't fuck with me then you ain't Buster: 😏 Rio: I'm serious Rio: and right, you know I am Buster: Yeah Buster: I like it Rio: really Buster: It's the most sense you've made since you started talking to me Buster: You sound like you Rio: I was just trying to be Rio: idk, not an adult 'cos they get it wrong too Rio: it's like you with Nance, yeah Rio: just wanna fix it but no one can so Buster: Just be you Rio: Okay Rio: that I can do Buster: Good Rio: I can't wait to come back Buster: Me either Buster: Cambs is really boring Rio: we'll make summer as good as we can Buster: You swear? Rio: 'course I do Rio: I'm me, you're you Buster: I really do miss you Buster: You know Rio: I know Buster: I'm sorry Buster: For being a twat for ages Rio: it's alright Rio: that's just you too, like Buster: I'm being serious Rio: Yeah Rio: I know why Rio: you kinda had to Buster: Nobody tells me what to do Rio: Nobody was Rio: just made sense, right Buster: But nothing makes sense any more Buster: And I wish you were here Rio: I'm here Rio: you can call me if you want Rio: how much of that stuff have you got through? Buster: You're not like properly here though Rio: Soon Rio: really soon Buster: I'm tired Rio: You should get some rest Rio: sleep on your side though Buster: But I don't wanna go Rio: I'll keep talking to you until you fall asleep Buster: Okay Buster: Tell me what you've been doing Buster: What I've missed Rio: Alright Rio: should send you to sleep Rio: usual, school, helping with the kids Rio: all that boring shit Buster: 😂 That's not why I asked Buster: And I don't reckon you can ever be boring either Rio: My life can be but yeah Rio: not me Buster: Mine too but probably not in London Rio: You excited about it then Buster: Yeah Buster: No Buster: I don't know Rio: it's usually both Rio: I've been enough places to actually know Buster: Nance needs me to be excited 'cause she ain't Rio: she'll be scared Rio: Junie always is Buster: She likes it here, going round on her bike taking pictures of shit Rio: She'll settle into it Rio: she can do that stuff there too Buster: She'll have to Buster: It's where we're going Buster: And mum and dad will be even more determined to make a go of things now than they usually are Rio: Exactly Rio: like you said Rio: we don't get any say in it either way Buster: Where would you go if you did? Rio: Right now? Rio: Home Rio: it's too much with no one to help out around Rio: 6 of them are under 5 Rio: it's just Buster: You wanna throw 'em at Nan Rio: I don't want them learning languages they won't need by the time they can speak in full sentences because we'll be gone again Rio: or making friends they'll have to say goodbye to in a few months, a year, tops Rio: I want an actual home, a house Buster: You said you're coming back for good though, yeah? Buster: So it won't be like that Rio: I hope so Rio: they've talked about it a bit Buster: Your mum and dad might listen if you say some of this shit Buster: They ain't like mine Rio: Aren't they Buster: Not exactly Rio: you ask nan Rio: my mum has never listened Buster: To her Buster: But we're talking about her listening to you Buster: Or your dad if she won't Rio: They've always done and gone where they want and dragged us along Rio: it's just how it is Buster: You're not a little kid now though Rio: I guess Buster: Whatever, I'm just trying to help Buster: Forget it, like Rio: Don't be moody, I'm not having a go am I Buster: Me either Buster: I don't want you to be sad, that's all Rio: I'm alright, I get by Rio: it's all the others Rio: but if we left now, Pablo down wouldn't remember any of it Rio: better than none, right? Buster: Yeah Buster: Alright odds Rio: less than half but Rio: I'll take it Buster: They'll remember it differently from you anyway, that'll affect the odds too Buster: Shit never seems as bad when you're younger Buster: I remember you liked travelling when you were Buster: Always showing off to me about something back then Rio: I weren't even 3 when we left, Junior was only just 2 Rio: Edie a literal newborn Rio: you don't know any better Rio: think it's normal Rio: not realize what you're missing out on Buster: I'm just saying you probably won't have to worry as much as you are Rio: Maybe Buster: Don't be moody with me now, like Rio: I'm not Rio: just thinking Buster: What? Rio: What it'd be like to be from a normal fucking family Rio: we'll never know Buster: I'd ask my mates if I make any with normal families in London Buster: You ask yours when you come back home Rio: That's definitely weirdo behaviour Buster: Have some subtlety about it, obviously Rio: What would you know about subtlety, McKenna Buster: Fuck you, I know loads about it Rio: 😂 Rio: nothing about jokes though Buster: More than you, I reckon Rio: Alright Rio: no proof of that ever but sure Buster: 'Cause I don't have to prove anything to you, Cavante Rio: Don't have to, nah Buster: There's nothing I can't do so they're nothing to prove Buster: there's* Buster: End of Rio: As long as you believe that Rio: that's what matters Buster: Shut up Buster: Don't take the piss out of me Rio: I'm not Rio: I mean it Rio: it doesn't matter what I think of you or you of me Buster: 'Course it does Rio: Why does it Buster: What do you mean why? Buster: You know it matters Rio: But I still don't get why Buster: You matter to me so it matters what you think Rio: Yeah Rio: right now at least Buster: Nah, always Rio: You're drunk and meant to be sleeping Buster: You're not my mum Rio: Well done Rio: 10/10 observation that Buster: Stop telling me what to do Rio: I never Rio: you said you were tired Buster: That don't mean I wanna sleep Buster: I never said I did Rio: All I'm saying is you won't remember saying none of this so you don't have to Buster: If I don't remember why would I care? Rio: 'cos I will Rio: and you'll have to deny it or whatever the fuck Buster: Not if you don't bring it up Buster: Can't I trust you any more? Rio: 'course I'm not going to bring it up Rio: but I'd rather not be told bullshit with you insisting its real when you won't acknowledge it later so Rio: its all the same to you it doesn't matter then Buster: I'm not a bullshitter Rio: No but drunk people always chat it Rio: not your fault Buster: I'm still me Rio: I know you are Buster: I'm not gone 'cause this drink is going Buster: What do you reckon I'm gonna do? Buster: Or say, whatever Rio: Everything is fucked, yeah Rio: my head and all, I can only imagine for you Rio: you know what I'm getting at, do I have to say it, like Buster: Don't imagine it, don't even try to Buster: It's horrible Buster: But don't worry either, I've got nothing to lose right now except you and Nance Buster: So I won't do it Buster: Say it Buster: Any of that Rio: I'm just so sorry, Buster Buster: Yeah Buster: Everyone is Rio: I wish I could make it all go away Rio: go back and change it Rio: it's unfair and it always will be Buster: Can we talk about something else? Rio: Yeah, of course Rio: anything Buster: Tell me what summer is gonna be like Rio: Freedom Rio: we can do whatever we like, whenever Rio: we'll go to the pub and we can have loads of BBQs and go beach and its granddad's birthday Buster: Oh shit we need to get him a present Rio: We can do that when you're back Rio: get him his favourite present of all of 'em, obviously Buster: Yeah Buster: So we can stay his faves Rio: Exactly Rio: it'll be like when we were little again Rio: but better Buster: We have to make sure Nance is alright Buster: Even if she won't come Rio: Of course Rio: you always look out for her Buster: You have to help me though Buster: If she won't let me Rio: I will Rio: I like Nance too, like Buster: Not as much as you like me though Rio: Not a competition 😏 Buster: It is Rio: I'm not gonna tell you you've won Buster: You don't have to, I know Rio: Shut up you Buster: You can't make me Rio: Hmpf Buster: I will if you really want me to Rio: It doesn't actually bother me Rio: for now, anyway Buster: I'll piss you off more face to face, that's what you're saying Rio: Probably true, for both of us Rio: but nah Rio: I mean it's nice to be able to say even a tiny bit of it Buster: Yeah, it is Rio: One of the reasons they do it Rio: get wrecked, I mean Buster: You're not Buster: So maybe we don't have to be Buster: To properly talk Buster: If we wanna Rio: I could have this all deleted before you weren't though Rio: it's freedom, isn't it Rio: we don't have that much day to day Buster: I know Buster: That's why I was trying to give you it Buster: To say what you wanna say or whatever Rio: Yeah Rio: I know Rio: but like you said, I'd probably need to catch up before I could Rio: still Rio: it's good to talk to you again Buster: And like you said, summer's long Buster: You'll probably have a fair chance Buster: To both get drunk and to talk to me more Buster: Just take 'em Rio: Alright Buster: Good Rio: feels longer than it's probably been Rio: seeing you all Buster: It has been ages though Buster: Especially 'cause I was trying not to see you when I had to Rio: That'll be why Rio: it's boring, not hanging with you at family things Buster: Well yeah, I'm the most fun Buster: 👸s shouldn't have to mix their own drinks Buster: Or steal 'em Rio: aren't I a 🤖 Buster: Not if you don't wanna be Rio: I'll let you know if I settle on a career option, like Buster: I'm just saying, you can be who you want with me Rio: You too Rio: whoever you need to be Buster: What's wrong with who I am? Rio: Nothing Rio: 🤴 you Buster: Then why would I ever need to be anyone different? Rio: Sometimes it's good to be wrong Rio: only if you need to, I said Buster: Fuck that Buster: It's good to be right Rio: then just be you Rio: don't bother me Buster: 'Course not Buster: You like me Rio: Easily go off you if you're gonna be annoying about it, like Buster: Not easily Rio: Oh my god Rio: 😂 Buster: Rio Rio: Yeah? Buster: If he didn't die Buster: Would you just have never spoken to me again ever? Rio: Of course not Rio: it's silly Rio: not talking because of things that happened in the past Rio: shit like this just makes you realize that but we would've got there ourselves eventually, I reckon Buster: It's not stupid if you still feel the same about things as you did then Rio: We should still Rio: idk Rio: work through it, do something Rio: you can't ignore shit forever and hope it goes away Buster: I'm not a problem for you to solve Buster: Like maths homework Rio: Not you Rio: the problem Rio: between us Buster: There ain't an us without me and you Buster: You can't separate it out Rio: it's 50/50 though Rio: don't make it sound like I'm putting it all on you Buster: It was my dare, I took it Rio: but if you think I'm like Rio: angry at you for doing it Rio: I ain't Rio: we can forget it and just move on Buster: Can we? Rio: If we choose Rio: we can do anything we want, right? Buster: Do you want to? Rio: I told you, I wanna talk to you again Buster: Okay Rio: Okay Rio: so we're good Buster: Yeah Rio: Good Buster: I don't feel it right now though Buster: I should have quit this bottle while I was ahead, like Rio: Oh no Rio: should eat Rio: and drink loads of water Buster: I'm not hungry Buster: You wouldn't be either if your weird aunt did the food shop Rio: 😬 Rio: order takeaway Rio: make her pay when it gets there Buster: And if she comes to question me, I'm clearly wasted ain't I Rio: True Rio: she'd definitely snitch Buster: I just need to be sick, don't I? I'll ask her how she does it Rio: Ha Rio: probably don't Rio: it'll be easy, if you're that drunk Buster: I don't know how drunk I am Rio: I reckon you're good Rio: just try to get to the bathroom too fast and you should find out Buster: Wait til you know how to knock me out before you start thinking about me ending up on the floor Rio: You'll be fine Rio: don't be a baby Buster: I always am Buster: Don't worry about me Rio: Don't tell me what to do, like Buster: Do as you're told then, babe Rio: save that kinda talk for your first wife 😂 Rio: cheek Buster: What would I wanna get married for? Rio: Party Rio: presents Buster: I can do all that anyway without having to share the party or give her half the presents Rio: get a prenup then Rio: and you share a birthday so you're used to it Buster: Exactly, used to how shit it is Rio: and it's halloween Rio: poor boy Buster: Shut up Rio: Should've waited in your mum like you were meant to Buster: I keep telling you, I'm very busy Rio: You're funny Rio: you just didn't wanna be younger than me Buster: 'Course I fucking didn't Rio: You're still more immature so it doesn't matter Buster: I am not Buster: I just wouldn't wanna be younger and still taller than you, you'd be well embarrassed, like Rio: Just 'cos your dad is half-giant Rio: if he didn't look like him, I'd say he weren't grandas tbh Buster: He don't look that much like him Rio: Hmm Rio: more than he does nan but that doesn't mean much Buster: Your mum is the only one who looks anything like nan Rio: Poor nan Rio: bet she was gutted Buster: You look like your mum too Buster: More than I look like mine Rio: You do look like her though Rio: Nancy is like an exact mix it's a little weird Buster: She'll love it when she hears that Buster: I better remember it Rio: 🙄 Rio: just forget I said it, I wasn't trying to be mean Buster: It's only mean 'cause she wants to look exactly like mum Rio: your mum and auntie are like tiny Rio: it'd give anyone a complex Buster: You reckon she has one? Rio: No Rio: not like a serious one Rio: girls always think about stuff like that though Buster: Do you? Rio: being told I look like my ma therefore nan was a bit rude but I'll survive Rio: its like if you were really scrawny though, you'd compare yourself to your dad even though that's stupid and you can't help it, like Buster: I didn't mean it like that though Buster: You're like really pretty, you know Rio: oh so now you fancy my mum Rio: great 😏 Buster: She's too old and she has too many kids Rio: and your auntie, obviously Buster: I was obviously putting that aside Rio: I'm just joking Buster: I'm just saying, if I didn't know her she'd still be too old and have too many kids Buster: But you'd still be pretty Rio: Thanks Rio: I'll put off the kids longer than she did then Buster: I don't know why you'd wanna bother ever Rio: I don't know Rio: not actually decided Buster: It'd be weird if you already had your heart set on it Buster: Especially after growing up in this family Rio: You've already got your heart set on not, obvs so Rio: mine was pregnant with me just after her 15th, like Rio: 5 years isn't that long if I wanted to follow in her footsteps Buster: I feel like it's stupid Buster: But I've made stupid decisions before Rio: There's worse Buster: Obviously Rio: anyway, if you're not getting a wife you can just pretend it isn't yours Rio: easy Buster: Nan and granddad ain't married but he'd be dead if he tried that Rio: because they are Rio: all but the paperwork Rio: long term partner is no different really Buster: Maybe I'll follow in their footsteps with that then Rio: 🤷 Rio: no one will be buying you a toaster then Buster: I can buy my own Buster: Better taste than that lot have got anyway Rio: exchange it for cash if you're that concerned Buster: I won't be that strapped for any but cheers Rio: free money is free money Rio: idk why you're acting too good for it Buster: Taking it off 'em when I don't need it is unfair Rio: awh Rio: sucha 🤴 Buster: Stop taking the piss out of me Rio: What? It's cute Buster: We're supposed to be moving on and getting on so don't wind me up Rio: and I'm allowed to be who I want so don't tell me what to do Rio: it isn't as if either of us are or aren't having a wedding any time soon so don't take it so seriously Buster: Whatever Buster: If hard work is what you wanna be, like Rio: If you can't hack it Buster: 😂 If I can't hack it then what? Rio: Your loss and your problem Buster: It's neither Buster: There's nothing I can't handle, I already told you Rio: Alright then Rio: no need to pout Buster: I'm not a girl Rio: Really? Rio: I had no idea Buster: Hilarious Rio: I know, been said Buster: Language barrier, was there? Rio: Ha ha Rio: but you aren't funny so Buster: You just like to keep changing your mind Rio: girl's prerogative Rio: keep up Buster: Easily Rio: We shall see Rio: soon, yeah Buster: I'll show you any time, babe Rio: careful, could hold you to that Buster: Go ahead Rio: I'll play fair and not Rio: you are totally pissed Buster: I could keep up with you pissed and with both hands tied behind my back Rio: that's a new drinking game Buster: If you like Rio: what use would you be at getting me drinks with your hands tied? Rio: 👸 and that Buster: Use my mouth Rio: 😏 Rio: be a sight Rio: look forward to it then Buster: Soon then Rio: yeah Rio: bed now though Rio: taking the piss Buster: You are Buster: You said you'd talk to me til I fell asleep Rio: Meant to listen and shh Rio: so chatty, boy Buster: You wanted to keep talking Buster: But fine Buster: Change your mind, princess Rio: I do but Rio: wanna see you more Rio: obvs Rio: gotta make it be here faster Buster: [sends a cute little drunk selfie like you can see me now] Buster: Goodnight then Rio: Oh Rio: tuck yourself in properly then Buster: Really? Rio: Yeah Rio: get comfy Buster: Okay Rio: Show me Buster: [does] Rio: Good Rio: now you're ready Rio: Night, Buster Buster: Wait Buster: What about you? Rio: you want me to go sleep with you Rio: okay, hold on Buster: I'm older I can't go to sleep before you Rio: alright, you look out for me too Rio: that's fair Rio: [sends her own cute not drunk selfie like ready] Buster: That's unfair Rio: What? Buster: You're even prettier than I remember Rio: You need to stop being cute and settle down Buster: I'm going, I swear Rio: I'll miss you Buster: I already miss you Buster: Can I call you if I can't sleep? Rio: Of course Rio: tell you a story if you like Buster: About 👸s and 🤴s yeah? Rio: Only the best kind Rio: plenty of ⚔s Buster: But they get to be together at the end Buster: And nobody dies Rio: Happy endings only Rio: I swear Buster: Alright Rio: You can call me now Rio: if you like Buster: Only if you don't get mad at me for staying up Buster: At least til the end of the story Rio: You've gotta Rio: for the final 🥊 and the 💋 Buster: [does call her and it'd be so cute and they'd fall asleep together like they always do in the future]

[lunebinnie]

(1/11)Oh my gosh yesss I'm glad that you like long messages too because I talk way too much 😂 (And yeah about my friend and just hanging out w/ her more that's exactly what I was thinking 😂) It's actually kind of funny bc just yesterday I was hanging out at her house and her younger brother needed to go to Walmart and I was like 'I've been meaning to go to Walmart, I'll take you' and ofc since I have a bluetooth radio adapter the whole drive I had my Spotify going with some quality k-bops, lol

2)And as we were driving I noticed him kind of jamming and I was like 'Oh my god Mickey do you actually like this???' And he was Like 'yeah, these are some good bops 👍' I was shooketh. I had to go home before I had the chance to show him any music videos but he says he's open to watching some with me next time I see him. One way or another I'm going to turn someone in my social circle into a kpop fan you mark my words ☝ and then maybe we can team up and try to work on his sister some more 😂

3)I only started first getting into kpop last June so I'm still very new, but it's definitely super frustrating how so many ppl act like it's an inherently bad or cringey genre of music just bc it's kpop! The stigma is ridiculous! I also started out with BTS (lol) and since they're pretty popular in the US at least I was able to be like 'See, this isn't just a niche thing, lots of people know abt and like this group' but of course my dad still says 'Just cause it's popular doesn't make it good'

4)And I'm like? You're a band teacher, you of all people should understand that music doesn't have to be in your native language (or even have lyrics) in order for you to enjoy it, but go off I guess... It's the same with one of my college friends. They make fun of me for liking kpop but this is coming from some who still treats March 22nd (the day My Chemical Romance broke up) as a day of mourning. Like, no tea no shade no pink lemonade, MCR was a good band nothing wrong with liking them.

5)But like if you're 22 and you still haven't grown out of your emo phase do you really have room to pick on other people for their music taste?  🤷 Anyway that's the person who follows my main that I didn't want to know I had a kpop sb. I think I made it around July. Tbh it was pretty dead for most of 2018. But like I said I've started using it way more since I recently revealed that it exists, lol. Especially since that good good Astro cb 👏💗😩 But honestly Astro is such a blessing

6)Idk how I lived so long w/o them. When I first got into kpop I was planning on just sticking to BTS since the reaction to me being into kpop was so volatile. I was like 'I'm only into one group, ppl already are negative about me liking kpop so I'm just gonna stick to this and not become a full on multifandom fan' and then in Nov I accidentally let myself fall in love with Monsta X and that plan was foiled. And realizing I wasn't gonna be able to stick to just one anymore opened the floodgates

7)And I was like okay in that case, let's just start getting into *all groups* Lol. My story of getting into Astro was actually bc of my best friend's roommate (can you tell I have like one friend and my whole social circle kinda revolves around her? Lol) so this roommate when she heard me being sad about having no kpop friends was like 'oh hey, I'm kinda into kpop' and it turns out she didn't like very many groups and was one of the ppl who blah blah BTS is overrated, which ya know isn't ideal8)But I was just really desperate to have someone to talk about kpop with. And Astro was her favorite so I was like, okay I'll get into them so that I have something to talk about with her! So I started watching some videos and I fell in love with them pretty much instantly! And I was real excited bc #1 now I can talk about kpop with someone! And #2 this group is actually amazing? Bonus! ... And then they got in a big fight about their living conditions and the roommate ended up moving out RIP

9)So that didn't work out, lol (Your story about finding them during that internship sounds amazing though! Haha) But yeah, so this is my first cb too! And although I love them w/ my whole heart and would have loved to have them in my life even sooner what an amazing cb to be your first! The concept was wonderful, the album was excellent, the visuals were to *die* for. They worked so hard and I'm so proud of them and I'm so happy we got to see their work come to fruition and get them a win 🤧🤧

10)The dance practices though? You're so right omg 💗 Me and my Rocky bias *fully* understand 😂 All of them are such good dancers?? I never fail to be impressed. Of course you know who I always end up watching tho 👀 lol (̶i̶f̶ ̶I̶ ̶w̶a̶s̶ ̶h̶a̶l̶f̶ ̶a̶s̶ ̶p̶r̶e̶t̶t̶y̶ ̶a̶s̶ ̶R̶o̶c̶k̶y̶'̶s̶ ̶f̶o̶o̶t̶w̶o̶r̶k̶ ̶I̶ ̶w̶o̶u̶l̶d̶ ̶b̶e̶ ̶a̶l̶m̶o̶s̶t̶ ̶a̶s̶ ̶p̶r̶e̶t̶t̶y̶ ̶a̶s̶ ̶h̶i̶s̶ ̶e̶y̶e̶s̶.̶.̶.̶)̶ ̶ I also love how at the end they always pause all dramatic for a minute and then start screaming 😂

11)It's like? Amazing talent *and* dorky personalities? What more could you ask for? Lol. In regard to your last question though Unfortunately I also won't be able to see them 😔 I live in the smack middle of the US and since they're only going to coasts all of the venues are way too far away to get to. Esp since it's the school year and I can't skip class to drive cross country for a concert much as I'd like to (Holy lord I talked over twice as much?? Why am I like this?) Talk again soon! -ASA

Okay SO I’m very sorry I haven’t had the time to answer everything until now bc I’ve been busy studying for midterms and also I was a lil trashy today since my uni closed bc of freezing rain so I slept in but I’m glad that FINALLY everything got sent like damn tumblr you really don’t want us making friends huh. 

Yessssss I love the feeling of seeing someone else also get into the same interests! I’ve been pretty lucky in the sense that I grew up around mostly other asian americans, so kpop was never something that was considered super “weird,” like some people were into it and some weren’t but even if you weren’t you still would’ve been familiar with the more popular groups from when you were younger. Even now, I have a bunch of friends also into kpop (one of them is even my roommate) so tbh I was definitely the one in my friend group late to the party aha. Even my university hosts kpop nights at our bar and I’m pretty sure we have a kpop dance team as well? So tbh if I met someone new there’s probably like a 50% chance they’re into kpop or at least listen casually. 

Tbh I used to be a little bit judgy too but moreso because of the obscene amount of money I’ve seen some of my friends spend (no joke one of my friends has spent probably like $500+ on Loona stuff in the past month and a half and another friend bought like 5 copies of the same album for herself like damn idk how do you have that much money).

I also really don’t like it when people bash other people’s music tastes, since I feel like it’s something so personal? Idk but for a long time I used to be really self conscious about sharing my music with other people and even now I feel like that sometimes. For me after getting into BTS I kind of expected to get really into other groups since I was in Korea anyway and I was already listening to a lot of other artists casually. For me it started with NU’EST (fell for them immediately at the same concert that I saw Astro at) and then after was Astro, and then I just started slowly getting into other groups after that (even though I haven’t totally been able to get into Got7′s music they’re SO funny and I just kinda fell for their personalities  you know). 

I honestly think that they did such a wonderful job with this comeback too! I like seeing their concept evolve and mature but they’re not straying too far from their original cute concept so I feel like it’s a nice middle ground that’s very unique to them, you feel? Also I feel like the visuals especially and the execution of the whole plant concept was just done so well?? Even my friend who’s not in kpop was like “k idk who they are but that was the prettiest music video I’ve ever seen”. What are your favourite eras and songs? For me I’d have to say either the Spring Up or Baby era BUT right now my favourite song is probably Again/Should’ve Held On though tbh my mood and my tastes change like every few weeks loool. 

I have no idea why I tend to be most attracted to the dances rather than vocals or rap (maybe has to do with the fact that it’s something I’ve always wished I could do but have always been bad at lmao). But Astro’s stood out to me for the exact same reason! I just thought it was so funny seeing them all break character at the end because you really get to see how hard their choreos are and you get a glimpse of their personalities like damn, how can you not stan these dummies?

That’s really unfortunate that you won’t get to see them either :/ They’re also coming to the closest city to me but it’s on a Tuesday, but I *hypothetically* looked up flight prices and tried to see if I could get away with just missing a day of classes if I flew back in the middle of the night since I have some friends who did the same thing and drove down to Buffalo but I seem to have underestimated the size of New York State LMAO. But apparently my university’s too far from the airport so it’s “not realistic” (and also I’m hella broke from travelling to Taiwan and Japan while I was in Korea but that’s a minor issue ig). I hope we do both get a chance to see them live though! Who knows, after the success of this comeback I’m expecting a lot more cbs and world tours out of them ;)

[grey-bunny-02]

I wouldn't say that I hate myself but sometimes I actually do.. "Hate" is such a strong word. On a good day I'm okay with myself, on an average day I just don't care about my well being or myself in general, I just try to get through the day but I don't often say that I "hate" myself. What I do hate is the choices I take.. Especially the choices regarding other people. I am manipulative,, not quite in purpose and I'm trying to make the people around me happy but at the same time I use them for my temporary happiness. The most recent example is that guy, who obviously has a crush on me for a long time now and idk he is cute but much older than me and that freaks me out kinda.. But that's not the point here...... I really want to try some drugs, not the heavy ones but like weed etc.. And he is a drug dealer. We've been texting a little bit and now in my summer break I decided to visit him. We were also talking about my mental health and his tips really helped me out, but I know that I'm using his feelings for me. I let him do things to me for some drugs and I played it off like I felt the same for him but in reality I feel gross,,, I would do it again tho. And that's the problem, I'm at a point in my life where I want to escape reality but shit like lsd would freak me out,, weed sounds good and other similar "harmless" stuff. I am just so tired. So fucking tired. I mean both sleep wise and just in general, tired of life. But let's look at the sleeping problem,, it's not like I can't sleep through the night or that I can't fall asleep for hours. It's just that I wake up early and then I just can't sleep anymore and it has to do with my new job but school is starting again in a couple of days and I just feel like I haven't had a real break in so long. I really need a week at home all by myself, so I can just waste my time like I usually do. It's not that I don't like being busy but it's to the point where I can't see my friends anymore without telling them that I'm gonna be free in 3 weeks. It's not like there are many people left anyway. At this point I just take all the love that I can get. Not to sound edgy or smth but I don't love my mother, I know it sounds cruel but we just don't have a great relationship and I'm not interested in fixing it tbh. But lately I just lay down next to her and hug her, because I need some human interaction. My fucking best friend left me and I'm mad at her, I'm mad at myself, I'm fucking devasted and frustrated. I annoy all of my friends with random hugs, I only survived the last year because my friend let me hug her in the school breaks. I know that I'm annoying but I'm just dying. I know that I'm gonna kill myself one day and i feel like that day is coming closer and closer. I.. I'm just exhausted. This time for real. I am aware that drugs won't make my situation better, only worse but I don't care anymore. If I won't have anything other than this depressing sadness and pain I will just kill myself,and I'm actually afraid to attempt suicide but only because I'm scared of failing and ending up in hospital and the psychiatry. But that fear of failure is slowly fading and these voices in my head are getting louder.... I never understood what people meant with voices in their head, I just hear myself screaming. Screaming for help, for love, for friends, for release, for death. I tried going to a psychiatrist but she just wanted to talk about my relationship with my mom and like I said I'm not interested in that, but I feel uncomfortable talking about my shit with "adults". I'm only a teenager, what do I know of the difficulties of life? Right.... I don't need to be judged by someone else. I usually talk to my friends but the ones who are left are probably tired of the same song that I sing,,, it's not like I feel like this sometimes. This is my normal and I can't take it any longer, I either kill myself or I'll kill myself slowly with drugs, there is no happy ending for me. And I've accepted it.

[punkscowardschampions]

Indie & Rio

Indie: where you left me to go mama?? Rio: aw bubba 😧😔 Rio: plenty of stuff in the kitchen if you ain't already raiding Indie: got my head in the fridge never over its madness Indie: 🍾 + 🍊 for breakfast innit 😂 when you lavish Rio: 😂 we on the champagne too Rio: calling a 2 drink max for you so you don't rinse 'em 😜 Indie: dont be lawin that for me too tho Rio: Bitch I is, keep up Indie: naaaah thats only a glass in each hand Indie: you got rules whenever you be but cant gimme none Rio: 😑 Rio: even you can't test me rn tho Rio: on ☁9 Indie: jam girl im playin 🍾 aint lush 😕 aint be telling mckenna that i cant hang w the poshos but fr Indie: is it? whats got you feelin higher than me? 411 Rio: not got dem mature tastebuds yet younger 😉 Rio: [Picture in the Tiffany shop] Indie: allow it i got 👅 that 💸 cant buy bitch Indie: what bling the boy tryna drop on you 👑 didnt even hear you arguing like 👏 get it girl Indie: guilt gifts be 🔥 Rio: Better than the 🚬 joke I thought you would Rio: maybe you are gettin so grown 😜 Rio: nah nah Rio: not even Rio: idk how to say it it feels surreal, like Rio: you'll think i'm playing fr Indie: innit tho 👵👵👵👵 Indie: ?? Indie: youre playing not to take me w to get a 👶 🎁 but you kno 💖💖💖 Rio: That is a good idea tho the price tag would have you shook Rio: [Pic] Rio: It's an engagement ring Rio: ahh I feel a bit sick Indie: YOUVE GOT JOKES MAN 😂😂😂 Indie: even mckenna aint that highkey he gonna proper wife you rn Rio: mad init Indie: serious? Rio: yeah Rio: promise Indie: 😲😲😲😲😲😲😲 Indie: bitch i aint wearing no dress to the 💒 tho Rio: i know Rio: but how you gon' be maid of honour if you don't? 😘 Indie: ill tax that best man role from other mckenna if you keep playing 💪😎😎 Indie: & i aint callin you mckenna now thatd be a madness of getting you caught up w that boy in convos Rio: Fine we'll discuss this later Rio: 'cos ain't like it's happening now so you know Indie: locked you down w out locking in a date i get it Rio: Yeah Rio: what do you think then Rio: honest Indie: its sick news Indie: the boy be acting right & appreciating what he got 👑👑💖💖 Rio: i'm so glad you think so Rio: thanks, babe Rio: ain't gonna make a big song and dance and tell everyone but i ain't gonna hide it either Rio: know everyone gonna have an opinion, again Rio: just can't get enough, clearly 😂 Indie: feelin the love that you spoke it to me Indie: the only opinion that counts b that he aint finding no better hoe here, in the 24 or anywhere Indie: facts Rio: You gonna make me cry and they gonna throw me out this boujee ass store Indie: wipe dem tears on 💸💸💸 so they kno you can hang still Rio: 😂 Rio: already gonna be out here wearing someone's college tuition on my finger like Rio: see why people do this more than once, get a nice collection going Indie: mckenna gon 😭😭😭 boy is soft Indie: dont let him hear you chatting bout no round 2 Rio: 😏 Rio: poor baby, don't be mean Indie: catch me getting married never i gotta live this thru you amp bitches Rio: Fair, didn't ever expect I would Indie: gon kick it old school like your nan 👶👶👶👶👶 but no 💍 Rio: 😖 Glad you out here thinking so highly of me bitch 😜 Indie: 😂😂😂😂 Indie: is you got the fear tho for reals or nah? Rio: It's weird Rio: I know it's what I want like I didn't even think about saying nah but Rio: you have every other voice in your head saying it's too quick or we shouldn't even be together at all, you know Indie: i feel it Indie: i got em in mine tryna chat against everything i tryna do all the time Indie: gotta just chat back that they bein dry Rio: Yeah Rio: you right Indie: how we celebratin this?? thats what i wanna be knowing Rio: we should go out for dinner Indie: catch me thirdwheelin over 🍝 soz baby boy 💋 Rio: shh nah, it'll be good, there are some fancy places that do food you'll actually eat so we can live lavish Indie: tell him bring a friend if he rollin w any still 😂😂😏💘😏 Rio: Not tryna get you NONE at my engagement party tah Rio: get you fill o the food tho 😋 Indie: it aint gotta be heavy Indie: been long since anyone meshed me tho so help a hoe out Rio: hmm don't be tryna play addickted Rio: i'll get you a vibrator, like Rio: not to say go fuck yourself but Indie: 😂😂😂😂 when your ma been out for the day & brings home 🎁🎁s like Rio: pah, he'd actually die of embarrassment Indie: when you out your man as vanilla tho Indie: o mckenna Rio: I just don't reckon he wants to think 'bout you meshing Rio: no offence, like Indie: back trecking like its your job baby Indie: 👀 you & his ways Rio: 🙈 den gurl Indie: too late to swerve dat 🏩 Rio: 🙄 just be thankful i never brought it to ours when we was sharing Indie: safe Indie: I kno you in your ☁ rn but when you back cos shit b testing me & dat 2 drink minimum Rio: What's up? Indie: ex-boy got a new 💘 so he tryna pass my shit back but cos i aint there hes @ the squad & they vexed @ me cos of Indie: 💔💔💔💔💔 Rio: 😔 Rio: Are the lads gonna get it or nah Rio: Don't suppose it's worth seeing if Drew still wanna be Dad of the year one last time, like Rio: may as well use him if he's offering, yeah? Indie: things been heated since the 🐕 & what of mine they are holding so like no beef to the lads but idk Indie: am i tryna text him ever tho 😒😒😒 Rio: Yeah, we'll go 'round the houses when I'm back Rio: someone will go get it Rio: don't worry Rio: we won't be long now Indie: & like not tryna still have love for that boy but aint it mad quick miss me for a few after you dash me Rio: It is Rio: but I ain't surprised, it's how lads, esp lads like that, do Rio: doesn't mean it didn't mean nothing to him necessarily Rio: could still be crying 'bout it in your inbox in a few, not trying to give false hope even 'cos fuck him Indie: i dont wanna be hurtin over this no more Indie: gotta get not bothered Rio: I know Rio: fake it 'til you make it, babe Rio: all you can do Indie: innit tho Indie: tell mckenna to buy me bling too thatll help 😂😂😂😂 Rio: 😂 Rio: 'course Indie: not saying he gotta drop a rents worth on the drip like Indie: just how much he feelin Rio: also not tryna be your sisterwife like Indie: no mood Indie: he vanilla but i aint tryna compete w your moves still Rio: Teach you but I'd have to charge Indie: hes on daddy hype too hard i cant be chattin like that to him or no lad soz boy Rio: Don't really put you in any mood but 😒? Rio: Fair Indie: why drop 💸💸💸💸 on therapy when you can spend on 🚬 its all good Rio: It ain't Rio: but we'll make it Indie: you reckon drews gon show w 👶🎁🎁🎁 or imma be repin for the fam? Rio: I don't know if that'd even enter his head Rio: tbh Indie: she could ⛔ us all in a big sweep Indie: me you & him Rio: She could Rio: I don't think she will you though, babe Rio: not like you've done shit wrong Indie: she just aint about me Indie: i feel it w her too Indie: itll b how itll b Rio: yeah but she can't be that petty Rio: even if she wanna Rio: she's a grown ass woman Indie: neither of em out here acting like they grown Indie: why she gonna start when she have this kid Rio: 'cos she'll have to Rio: unlike Drew she can't just pass it around and hope everyone else does it for her Indie: yeah but she know your ma in law got her back & your real Rio: She can't let Bea raise her kid for her Rio: or Ma Rio: anyway, she's got too much pride in everything not related to Drew, trust Indie: tru Rio: I promise, it's gonna be fine Indie: i got trust in you babe thats how im here Rio: 💘💘💘 Indie: dont be letting it slip now you got 💍 Rio: Never Indie: its chill then Indie: what we tryna wear tonite bitch? Rio: got enough trust in me to lemme pick you up some fresh garms or? Indie: hmmm Indie: cos you in a ☁ yeah Indie: theres your engagement gift ✌ Indie: do it how you gonna Rio: 😂 you know I'm good Rio: and no 👗s Rio: not taking the piss Indie: 👀 Indie: no 🤡ing Rio: would I do a thing like that? Indie: nah but mckenna will if he gets pissy you aint shopping for him 😂😂😂 Rio: We already had to treat him 'cos you know Rio: men don't cuffed 'til the day of Indie: you rode him in there say no more 🤐🤐🍾🍾 Rio: 😂 Rio: Not what I meant even but not gonna lie Indie: 😏😏😏 Indie: i been knew Rio: Keeping it unpredictable is our predictable, babe Indie: you out there vibin 😍😍😍 its a day when you can be extra Indie: make most Rio: As if there's a day when I ain't 😉 Rio: At least my Ma can't say shit to me, she was a marriage and 2 kids deep by now with Eds on the way so Indie: his gon get vocal tho man i feel it Indie: 👀 his dad @ me like 😒 how she livin Rio: I know Rio: Hoping they don't notice, like lemme forget which finger this meant to go on Rio: 😬 Indie: she gon be busy @ the business end of her sis when we hit dubs you all good 😂😂😂😂 Indie: & you could always swerve it so the 💎 not facing out when they 👀 Indie: ✌ hacks Rio: am I tryna stop a muggin' or 😂 Rio: you jokes Rio: also never wanna think about her business end thanks 😷 Indie: innit her drum not got dem thin walls like ours 🙏🙏🙏 or they aint vocal how you and mckenna do Rio: Literally can't imagine how this baby came to be Rio: but I'm chill with that, I don't wanna Indie: used that medical shit fr he aint been near her thats how i clue it Rio: i'm creasing rn and can't even explain 'cos nah Indie: serious she that bitch you tryna lips her & she gotta go shower Rio: I know Rio: Childbirth gonna break her 'less she got that c-section on lock Indie: hit her w all the good gear 🚀🚀🚀🚀 Rio: Probably wanna do it without for the brag idk Indie: o snap Indie: truuuuuuuu Rio: She gotta be ready to drop any day, like Indie: 👀 &👂 Indie: we turnin up if she want us or nah Indie: how many mckennas 👶👶s you gon have? Rio: We'll be about, can't avoid School forever Rio: and shut up bitch 😂 Indie: cmon man i kno you 💭 on it Indie: he a pretty boy Rio: nah Rio: i got a life to live babe Indie: your ma been proved you can have it all bitch Indie: birth dem 👶👶s give em posh names & send em to fancy school like they da Rio: yeah n she given me enough sibs to never need my own Rio: not to mention all your drama 😜 Indie: 😂😂😂 Indie: im a drama free zone now ty what you sayin Rio: whilst we in this postcode maybe Rio: but not for long babe Indie: nah for long imma be swervin that shit ✌✌ Indie: any postcode Rio: 👏 sounds good to me too Indie: got ink to jog me if i tryna slip Rio: yeah Rio: least you didn't get the M too Indie: like i been said id just put an a on it for that shoutout to my 3 mas baby 💖💖💖 all good Rio: there's always that Rio: if you really want you can add to it Rio: reclaim it, like Indie: hacks Indie: but i aint got no 💸💸💸💸 for Rio: I can pay Rio: or Ma would do it Indie: o yeah Indie: imma hit her up when we home Rio: Have you decided where you gonna be? Indie: mayb w bills cos she 😢💔 idk Rio: Yeah? Indie: if edie back then naaaaah Indie: or if drew been locked up can squat in the flat til it reclaimed Rio: We'll work something out Rio: I'll probably look for a new place Indie: you not gon move in mckennas dubs yard like you own that? Rio: Don't think the rest of 'em would appreciate that like 😏 Indie: other mckenna would rollin in that big drum solo gotta be dry Rio: Yeah still don't think I'm housemate choice no.1 Indie: thats her bad cos you 👑👑👑🔥🔥🔥👑👑👑 Rio: 💘💘💘 Rio: You biased Indie: nah i not Indie: im not here for drew just cos he blood Rio: Anyway, can't be presuming that's how he wanna be living, like Indie: is it? Rio: Yeah, he ain't coming here 'til October imagine if I'd legit moved myself in 😂 Indie: he put a 💍 on it how he not gon be down Rio: that's like rule no 1 init Rio: gotta make sure you've got your own taken care of in case everything goes tits Indie: safe Indie: 👑 moves be like Rio: If I really was probably shoulda said no shouldn't I Rio: kick it like his Ma Indie: if he wants a girl like his ma you need to have a convo Indie: that some freaky shit Rio: 😂 Rio: psych101 would blow your mind Indie: i aint even tyna kno what you mean Indie: old white dudes be cracked Rio: Yeah wouldn't have you buzzin' 'bout your daddy issues Indie: what they sayin bout? i wanna fuck drew now? plot twist fam Rio: you know Rio: we all do but clearly got it twisted 'cos my type ain't ever been my da Rio: no offence boy but Indie: your da be 😍😍😍 god bless Rio: have we swapped? 😂 Indie: he raised me higher than drew done so Indie: daddy caleb come thru Rio: 😷 Indie: 😂😂😂😂 Rio: Such a grown convo Indie: hoe im keepin you grounded Indie: livin that grown life 24 7 w mckenna Rio: tru Rio: it's a madness i should still be in school Rio: i feel so 👵 fr Indie: you is Rio: cheeky cow Rio: meant to hype me not wreck me 😂 Indie: he be too tho Indie: so tamed its a madness Indie: remember how he used roll Rio: well you know Rio: 😻 game so strong Indie: you no need my hype bitch Indie: you know what you done Rio: You reckon Indie: girl aint be gettin a callback you got 💍💎💎 & 💒 hype Indie: he kicked it long distance for you & he aint putting in effort no way fore then Rio: Yeah Rio: ignore me Rio: just the fear init Indie: get a new drink Indie: chase that Rio: 🍾 Indie: check your boy i bet he aint feelin no fear Rio: He wouldn't say if he was Indie: hed chat it to you Indie: that boy always talking Rio: 😂 thought you reckoned he was the strong silent type Indie: that was afore he was my new daddy Indie: now i 👀 Rio: 😏 Poor boy Rio: I'll keep it on the dl, protect his ego Indie: ill keep it uncommon knowledge to protect this roof over Rio: yeah, least wait 'til you safe in the 24 to be rude 😜 Indie: innit Rio: right, we heading back Indie: ✌✌ Indie: in a few Indie: less he wants you all to himself Rio: he already been had that Indie: he gave you 💎 you can give him a day 😂😂😂 Rio: is it? Rio: why you want air? 👀 Indie: jam ma im tryna do you & your mans a solid Indie: fore i 3rd wheel your nite like Indie: aint this bitch in your pocket & way when we rollin in the 24 Rio: hmm Rio: if you're sure Indie: trust Rio: then we'll be back with your garms and the reservation later then Indie: safe Indie: dont be doing anything i aint tryna Indie: 💖💖💖💖💖 Rio: 🧡🧡🧡