#so if im working 5 days of th week and im doing..lets say 50 hours a week thats 10 hours a day thats 20 rooms a day. lmao. lmao

[nomaishuttle]

justt realized that th site i ws using t figure out my salary assumed id be working 56 hours a week when in reality i usually work likee 15 hours a week max . im gonna throw up Lol Lol Lol

[argumentl]

The Freedom of Expression Episode 23 - The worst album in the world rated highly by Kurt (Cobain) and (Frank) Zappa.

K: Hi this is Dir en grey's Kaoru, starting this episode of The Freedom of Expression. Joe san, Tasai san, welcome. Hows it going recently?

J: I've just had my wisdom tooth out, I'm still quite swollen.

T, K: Oh yeh, you are!

J: Its really tough getting your wisdom teeth out at 52 years old.

K: Its quite late to have it done, right?

J: Yeh, Im doing it late. What about you, Kaoru?

K: I don't have any left.

J: All four?

K: Yeh.

J: You had this hell already taken out?

K: Oh, it was awful with me! 

J: When you had them out?

K: When I first had one of the bottom ones removed, it took about an hour and a half.

J: One hour...thats awful.

K: It was growing like this (*places fist horizontally against vertical palm)

J: Ahh, if its not growing like this..(*indicates vertical growth angle with hands). This type (*horizontal) hurts.

K: Then in the end, the anesthetic wore off. I had been given anesthetic, but it wore off.

J: Eughh!

K: Then after the tooth was out, my head hurt, my whole face hurt for about two weeks..I couldn't eat anything..It was hell.

J: You didn't have live shows did you?

K: No, not at all.

J: So, you had it done in your time off? Ahh, that sounds so painful. What about you, Tasai?

T: I still have mine.

J: Oh, you have them?

T: But after hearing this, I don't want to have them out anymore.

J: Hahaha

K: Are yours like this? (*growing horizontally?)

T: No, I think they are pretty straight.

K: Well, in that case, you don't really need to have them out.

T: Yeh, but yours sounds like it was painful, Kaoru.

J: For a hour and a half...that must hurt.

K: Yeh

J: Mine was out in ten mins, and Im still this swollen. I still have my lower left one remaining, Im gonna have to get that one out too...(*Kaoru smiles) Look at him! That face! Seriously!

Um, about Hanshin...

K: Hahaha

J: Didn't you say they would win by a mile, Kaoru?

T: He did.

K: They are...in last place by a mile. (*On screen note: 'The rank at the time of filming').

T: But they did win before now, so..

J: They did win before now?? He said they were gonna win by a mile!

K: Well, at the moment they've had two consecutive wins..then yesterday was raining, so that fell through, but..I think they are onto a good winning style now.

J: I see. From now on...

K: Mm, they finally got to the starting line.

J: Hahaha.

T: Starting with five in debt, right? haha.

J: This won't make them lose heart.

K: Well, cause they've only just started.

J,T: Well, yeh.

K: Everyone has ups and downs.

J: Thats true. Still, Hanshin are strong in the summer, aren't they?

T: Thats when they get consecutive wins, right?

K: Well, I mean, its always like this, last year was the same, but in the last month or so, they suddenly get good, its like 'Weren't you losing?' As soon as you realise, its like 'Eh?!, How'd you get that good already?'...kinda.

J: How come they can never get off to a good start?

K: Hmm, probably a lack of coordination, haha.

J: Hahaha.

T: Yeah, but at the start thier pitcher did catch corona and stuff, so they couldn't practice properly from the beginning.

K: Thats only an excuse.

J: Well, its tough, as expected. But, you know, I have zero interest in pro baseball, but this year..

T: You're watching it a lot!

J:...whether or not we'll have this event depends on it, so im putting my all into showing support. Still, it may be empty support, everytime I check the results I'm like, 'Whaaat?'

K: Oh, theres still a lot more to come.

J: Like, what was with those words you said with big subtitles, 'win by a mile'?

K: That was my desire. At the time this is broadcast, they'll be doing well.

J: I see

T: Right.

K: This will be broadcast in how many days? (*Works it out) Ah, maybe not by then.

J, T: Hahaha

J: Your attitude gets weaker and weaker.

K: Ok, lets have today's story please.

T: Ok, well this has been creating a bit of a buzz at Tokyo Sports, a really terrible band has been discovered to be in a list of Kurt Cobain's (of Nirvana) Top 50 albums. People who are into music might know this already, but the band is 'The Shaggs'. They are really terrible. I've also had a listen to them on Youtube, and you could say they sound like beginners, but I did think...Huh? Hang on a sec.

J: Hahaha. Like 'whats going on here?'　

T: Yeah. But somehow ???*1, and since this has come out in the news, its become quite a talking point.

J: I see.

T: Like people are saying, 'In reality, they're really good', or 'On no, they really are bad', and stuff. Joe, do you know of them?

J: I do, yeh. I've played them on the radio before, and whenever I do, there is a big response. When people hear this novice-like performance, they really respond. There must be something more to this. The sound quality of the recording is quite high, so whenever I play it, people think 'Woah, this is so interesting! ...'. What do you think of it, Kaoru? Have you listened to it?

K: Yeh, I have. Well, I mean, its a type of expression, right? I doesn't matter whether they are skilled or not. I thought it was interesting. It leaves a lasting impression .

J: Conversely, right?

K: ???*2

J: But if you had to say if they were skilled or not, you would say not, right?

K: Well, if they are seriously trying, then they are bad.

J, T: Hahah

J: If this is thier best, then they're bad?

K: Yeh, cause this is thier recorded sound. In that case, they're bad. But someone other than the performers has actually recorded this, and said, 'yes, lets go with this'.

J: Yes

T: I see

J: No one tried fix it.

K: Yeh, they didn't try to do a re-take or anything. They wanted to make the record.

J: This is the completed version, right?

K: Yeh, so maybe it was meant to be like this *3

T: So, if you look into this story a bit more, by the time of thier second album, their performance technique had improved a bit, and conversely, they lost their uniqueness. It erased what was special about them.

J: Ahhh, thats tough. But growing up in the 80s, back then all the pop idols were really untalented, weren't they?

T: Haha

J: But they made a lasting impression. Its not really a case of whether or not they were skilled. But, on the other hand...who was that guy?... *sings* 'Watashi no ohaka no mae ni...'...Akiyama something-or-other (*On screen text: Akikawa Masafumi*), I played some of his  more rocky stuff on my show, but it didn't resonate because he's just too good.

T: Ehh.

J: The songs require a certain kind of atmosphere.. and singing really well like..(*imitates a tenor's voice*), it didn't work at all. It was interesting.

T: Yeh, so there's something more to it, other than just skill.

J: I think so.

K: Well, it also comes down to who it is making the songs.

J: Yeh, that may have something to do with it.

T: I see

K: I mean, I don't know if these people (The Shaggs) wrote the songs themselves, but the songs are unique precisely because this band is playing them. This is how they do it.

J: But surely, if the songs were played properly, they wouldn't be that impressive, right?

K: Right! Haha.

J: Thier uniqueness comes from thier lack of skill.

T: Joe, can you understand how Kurt Cobain and Frank Zappa would appreciate this kinda thing?

J: I think so yeh. Like, Kurt Cobain, even in his appearance, he was grungy, like, appearing in public wearing pajamas and stuff. And in the 80s, slightly before his time, there was also that computerised music, like ???*4. Frank Zappa was also mentioned, and he was an artist with really experimental aspects, so I guess they would like this kinda of thing, the type of thing where there nothing else like it. I can really understand that.

K: Yeh, people who know nothing about music might listen to some super technical and progressive music, and then listen to this, and they might think they sound the same. One of them might sound a bit off, but the other might sound way off to some people. They might just look at them the same.

J: Ah, that may be, yeh. Well, to put it simply...its not your average music, is it?

T: Yeh.

J: Its quite interesting. Its like you said Kaoru, if the progressive stuff is too advanced, it will be written off, and in this case, this band may be regarded in a similar way for doing nothing special. Still, is it possible? Whenever novices like me do Karaoke, you have to do something, don't you? Like, impersonating the singer, or getting a bit excited..if you don't, it would be a  kinda chilly performance. So, with this band doing nothing like that...are they not cooperating or something?

T: Well, its hard.

J: Maybe they are professionals *laughing*

Kami: Its interesting how thier Dad forced them into it, right?

J: Oh yeh.

Kami: Its like, why does he know this stuff. They were forced..Didn't they say that in an interview or something? Thats quite interesting.

T: So, from what I've heard, thier Dad was on a mission to strike it rich, in a kind of swindler fashion.

J: Oh, that was it.

K: Ah, I see.

T: And made his daughters...

Kami: Ah, he was an imposter?

J: He tried to be

Kami: So he was witness to the recording and gave it the OK then?

T: Hmm, probably.

J: He was after something.

Kami: They had no money to record, so he just said, 'yeh, this'll do', kinda.

K: The Dad didn't have any talent either.

J, T: Hahaha

K: Or maybe he did?

J: Which is it?!

K: I don't know.

J: Right...But even if it was a ramen shop or something, if it said, 'The Worlds Worst Ramen', you'd want to try it just once, right? Its maybe the same kind of pattern.

K: But it does stay in your head, this band.

J: It does, surprisingly.

Kami: When you listen to it, there is some kind of message, right?

T: I see.

J: Well, Punk had to contend with a lack of skill, didn't it?..in that respect. 70s punk didn't use very complicated chords at all. But when it became more advanced, it kinda faded out.

K: Yeh, people from that generation ????  *5 There's quite a difference, isn't there?

J: There is, there is. What is that all about? Its like, why all the irregularity? Well, they are seeking something different, for sure...Well, we are getting carried away, but if you search for this band, you'll find it. If you search for 'The Shaggs', you'll be able to find them. The name of the album is 'Philosophy of the World'.

K: Ok, let's finish here. Please subscribe.

J: Yes, please do.

K: Thank you very much.

T: Thank you.

*1, 2, 4 Couldn't catch

*3 Could't catch explicitly, but I think thats what he means

*5 I can hear what he's saying, but I just couldn't put together what he means. Feedback always welcome btw!

[chanyeolisbeautiful]

Reunited Part 6

Previous         Next 

Taehyung and Jin headed up the stairs of the main house and toward Namjoons office.

“Do you want me to tell him?” Taehyung asked, looking at his friend.

“Thanks man, I appreciate that.” Jin said, sighing. He ran his fingers through his hair. “He needs to hear it from me though.”

Taehyung nodded as they approached the door, knocking twice.

“Come in.” A voice answered. They opened the door, Taehyung was surprised to see Hoseok behind the desk rather than Namjoon.  

“There you are, Jin, where have you been?” Hoseok asked, looking up from the computer. “Namjoon was trying to get a hold of you.”

“Yeah, I’m looking for him too.” Jin answered, “Where is he?”

“He just left a couple hours ago.” Hoseok answered, “He went to go check out that new arms dealer he was looking into.”

“No,” Jin said frowning reaching into his pocket to check his phone, Namjoon would have said something if he were leaving. “That meeting is next week.” Jin cursed when he realized his phone was still off. After turning it on 4 messages came through.

Namjoon 4:05 PM

The time of that guns meeting got changed, flying out tonight, Hoseok’s in charge while I’m gone. call me

Namjoon 4:33 PM

Where R U? Want to go over some stuff before I leave. U still on surveillance? Thought U were done at 2?

Namjoon 5:13 PM

Where R U?

Namjoon 6:07 PM

Boarding plane now, I left that paperwork on my desk, let me know what you think. Text me im starting to worry.

“What?” Hoseok asked, noticing Taehyung and Jin’s exchange a worried glance.

“We’ve got a bit of a situation…” Taehyung started rubbing the bridge of his nose. Just perfect. What awful timing for Namjoon to be on a plane across the country.  Hoseok’s usual smile faded from his face as he crossed his arms regarding the men before him.

“We found Y/n, Namjoon’s sister, the Nox have her, and a hit has been taken out on Namjoon and I.” Jin told Hoseok quickly, pacing back and forth in front of the desk.

“What?!” Hoseok asked shocked, “His sister died years ago Jin, you were there. And who ordered the hit?”

“That’s what we thought too, but Jin saw her.” Taehyung explained, leaning forward in his chair, “As for the hit, we think it came from the Raiders.”

“The Raiders?” Hoseok repeated stunned, “That makes no sense; we don’t even deal with them. And that’s impossible, she’s dead.”  

“Did Namjoon go alone?” Jin asked, suddenly uneasy.

“No, Jimin, Yoongi and the new guy went with him. He should be okay, there is no way the Raiders could have known about the meeting, let alone the change of time.”  Hoseok answered. He was right, Namjoon wasn’t in danger. Only Y/n…

“We have to move fast, we don’t have time to wait until Namjoon is back. Y/n is being married off to Chul-soo of the Raiders. We don’t want any more people involved in this than necessary.” Jin told Hoseok.

“Jin, we can’t make a move like that without Namjoon’s say so.” Hoseok said startled.

“Bullshit!” Jin yelled whirling to face Hoseok. “You know damn well that as soon as he hears he will want every effort put into getting her away from the Nox and as far away from Chul-soo as possible. There is no time to wait. We need to move now! “ Jin slammed his fist on the desk.

Taehyung stood up surprised, Jin was never this easily riled up.

“He’s right, Hoseok.” Taehyung said calmly, “We don’t have time to wait for Namjoon, this has to be your call.”

“Fine.” Hoseok snapped, “Tell me everything you know.”

*****

In your dream you were running down the hall of your childhood home, trying to get away from the flames sobbing. As you ran towards the stairs you realized they were engulfed in flames, you were trapped on the second floor of the house. You could feel the heat everywhere, coughing, you turned, running into your bedroom and slamming the door behind you. There was no way out you realized, panicked. The smoke was so thick it was hard to see, you coughed and coughed until your lungs felt raw inside your chest. You tried to make it to the window but everything was moving in slow motion, you were so lightheaded and dizzy, the smoke was burning your eyes, burning everything.

You woke up gasping for air and covered in sweat, bolting upright.

“Just a nightmare.” You told yourself, rubbing your eyes and trying to catch your breath. “It’s fine. You’re fine.”

But it wasn’t fine. You were trapped in this house and were going to be married off to some nasty old man, you remembered grimly. Nothing was fine. You let out a frustrated sigh as you swung your legs off the bed. You would never get back to sleep now, so you headed down to the kitchen to make yourself some coffee feeling oddly numb.

You passed a few men dressed in dark clothes, judging by their exhausted expressions you decided it must be early in the morning about time for shift change. Glancing at the clock you discovered you were right, it was 4 am, when the men guarding the property switched off. Some of the men nodded to you as you passed, others ignored you. You counted that you had slept about 3 hours.

As you sipped your coffee you wondered where Jungkook was, whether he was still up or if he was in bed by now. You hoped he was sleeping, knowing the last few days had been long with little sleep for him as well. Your mind started to wander as you became more alert, thanks to the caffeine, trying to decide what your next move would be. You needed to leave, and soon, you knew that much. You didn’t know when your uncle planned on having you marry Chul-soo, but you didn’t want to stick around to find out. You would need money if you were going to be on your own… but since you were always trapped here you had none. You were sure that your parents had left you some, but your uncle must have been keeping it from you. You knew Shewan had stashes throughout the top floor of the house, the only floor that was off limits to everyone unless they were personally invited by Shewan. It would be incredibly risky to sneak up there and try and steal from your uncle… but you really didn’t have another option. You didn’t like the idea of taking money that wasn’t your, but you pushed that thought away.

You sighed, glancing at the clock again. If you were going to do it, now would be the time. Your uncle slept like the dead and would be fast asleep at this time. You gulped down the last few sips of your coffee and quietly climbed up the 4 sets of stairs, hesitating before carrying on to the 5th floor. Looking around you, you saw no one else was up here, all either already fast asleep or working. You took a deep breath and hurried up the stairs, heading first towards the study, the stash farthest away from your uncles bedroom.

Once inside you moved around the desk to the bookshelf on the other side, moving quickly you reached for the large book you knew was hollow. Opening it you were relieved when you saw 50 and 100 dollar bills stacked neatly. Your uncle hadn’t changed his hiding spots, and you’d memorized them all when you had first been moved in here, mostly out of boredom. You grabbed a few bills before hurrying to the next locations. You were growing more paranoid by the moment, not wanting to be caught you took a few bills from all the hiding spots and hurried back down stairs, breathing  a sigh of relief when you were back on the 4th floor.

“What are you doing up here?”

You almost screamed as you spun around to face the voice, coming face to face with Jackson, who was eyeing you suspiciously.

“I um,” You stuttered, “had to use the bathroom.”  Jackson raised his eyebrows and crossed his arms.

“And why didn’t you use one of the three bathrooms on the same floor as your room?” He questioned, his eyes darting towards the stairs to your uncles floor. Oh god, you thought trying to remain calm, he must have seen you.

“They were all occupied.” You answered, crossing your arms and trying to match his intimidating posture. He noticed this and his eyebrows moved even father up his forehead, disappearing under his hair.

“Sure.” He sighed, his eyes softening a bit, you could tell he didn’t believe you but it seemed like he was going to let it go. “How’s the face?”

“Oh, not too bad…” You trailed off, surprised that he was asking. “Thank you.”

“Don’t sweat it.” He said, his eyes scanning the hall and both sets of stairs. “Want me to walk you back down to your room?”

“No, no, that’s okay.” You answered; the money in your pockets feeling like it weighed about a hundred pounds. “Thanks though, good night.” You said over your shoulder, already halfway to the stairs, you looked back to see him shaking his head and walking towards his room.

Once back in your room you counted the money, you had gotten $3,250. That should be enough to buy food and a hotel, possibly a train ticket. You still had no idea where you were planning to go, just knowing that you needed to go.

***

“You know something!” Jungkook accused his father who was standing a foot in front of him, just outside one of the back entrances of the house. “Why Chul-soo? Why is he doing this at all?”

“Let it go, son.” Lee sighed, crossing his arms. “It’s done.”

“It doesn’t make any sense, Shewan doesn’t need the money, the alliance with the Raiders won’t benefit him, he doesn’t need to do this.”

“He’s got his reasons.” Lee said sharply, narrowing his eyes at his son, “And his not your place to question them. It’s above your pay grade, leave it alone.”

“Are you fucking kidding me?” Jungkook spat. “I’m your son, doesn’t that mean anything to you anymore?”

“You’re a grown man now, Jeon Jungkook, start fucking acting like it.” Lee growled, “My advice to you is say your goodbyes, it’s happening soon, whether you like it or not. You might still see her every now and again, who knows. But she’s not your problem anymore, now you’ll get to go out full time like the other guys, that’ll come with a raise. You should be happy.”

Jungkook shook his head in disbelief. “He’ll kill her, you know it’ll happen eventually, you’ve known her since she was sixteen years old, how can you just be okay with this?!”

“It’s done.” Lee said turning to leave.

“Why won’t you fucking talk to me?” Jungkook yelled, grabbing his father by the shoulder and spinning him around to face him. Lee brought his fist up before Jungkook saw it coming - a result of him being so upset- and punched him square in the face, knocking him onto his back. Lee pressed his knee into Jungkook’s chest leaning in until his face was inches from his sons.

“I said leave it alone, boy.” Lee spat. Jungkook shoved him hard so that he fell sideways off of him, they both stood up quickly.

“I don’t even know who you are anymore.” Jungkook told his father, wiping the blood from his nose onto his sleeve; he turned and walked quickly away into the yard. He needed some air, needed to calm down before he decided what to do next. He was acting irrationally, Jungkook knew that. He needed to pull himself together or else he was going to make a stupid mistake. In his line of work stupid mistakes could easily get you killed, and after the conversation with his father, he knew it wasn’t just himself he was going to need to make decisions for.

You needed to leave, that was the only way Jungkook could see you getting out of this, he thought to himself as he walked the perimeter of the property.

*************

Thanks for reading, hope you guys are enjoying :)

[brickyard2bridge]

July 20, 2019 (Saturday)

DAY 1

By August of 1723, Jonathan Edwards, the American revivalist preacher, philosopher and theologian, had completed his famed Life Mission Resolutions.

Here are just three so as to give you a taste:

7.     Resolved, never to do anything, which I should be afraid to do, if it were the last hour of my life.

14.   Resolved, never to do anything out of revenge.

56.   Resolved, never to give over, nor in the least to slacken my fight with my corruptions, however unsuccessful I may be.

With Edwards’ RESOLVED mission statements in mind following our annual, pre-Brickyard to Bridge spaghetti dinner last night, I resolved two things.

One.  Resolved, to not let this 7th journey from the IMS to the Mackinac Bridge become something I merely check off my list. Instead, I wanted to spend time pondering and praying for the benefactors of this summer-time, 500-mile journey northward.

Two.  Resolved, to remember that things happen every day on these trips we simply cannot anticipate–and that it’s okay! In light of this, relationships are more important than perfectly anticipating and planning everything to a tee. Love God. Love people.

So when my alarm went off at 4:30am in anticipation of a 5:15am load of the Safety And Gear (SAG) vehicle, I was ready to “go with the flow.” Then … Caleb and Isaac’s guest room in the apartment was still quiet and dark at 4:55am…then at 5am. Test #1 had arrived. 😉

But, seriously, here’s the thing during events like this–and in all of life; it’s people over task. 

At least for this trip, it’s only the pressure we put on ourselves to be a well-oiled machine that usually derails us from enjoying the journey. NOT. THIS. TIME. 

I’m continuing to learn this lesson. And today was, I’m pleased to say, a step in the right direction.

On this Day 1, the Lord chose to identify himself bright and early. When Caleb emerged from the bedroom shortly after 5am, he told us that one of his daily devotionals had arrived on his phone for the day–and that David Platt (Radical.net) had prayed specifically for a group in the very nation in South Asia for which we’re cycling! 

“…that the Gospel would take root in and transform their lives!” 

Is our God GREAT or what?! 

These are not coincidences, people. This is how the God we know works. Yep, the King of the universe, with whom we are staggered to have a personal relationship, was encouraging us even before we left home. 

Do you know this King of ours?  

After arriving at the Motor Speedway in a timely fashion (with detours along the way - see Resolved #2), our IMS friend, Mark, escorted us to the Yard of Bricks for the photo in this entry. By 7am, we were rolling out of the track, onto 16th Street, and on our way.

Though HOT, we were:

blessed with a nice tailwind, 

very conscious of our nutritional intake, 

sucking in plenty of fluids, and 

were grateful that we were being served by the finest SAG driver of all time. 

Things were going so well that we were well past our traditional meal stop location in Marion before we stopped for lunch – Jimmy John’s … at mile 82! From there, we were just about 16 short miles to our hotel in Huntington, IN.

Moving time today was 5 hrs, 4 minutes. While cycling 97 miles, we averaged 19.1 mph (this will be the last day we are anywhere near 19).

We somewhat overachieved today ... so much so that our rooms weren’t even ready upon arrival – at 1:30pm! This gave us time to cool down in the pool/hot tub, relax in conversation, shower up, take a nap and then realize how hungry we were from burning the calories during our first of five consecutive, 100-mile days on the road.

So, we’re off to a good start!

If you’d like something specific to lift to the Lord in prayer, here ya go:

Please be praying for Isaac’s knee. It seems most of us have physical issues that crop up here and there. We hope Isaac’s weary body will also continue to recuperate from his 17-hour, straight-through, solo car trip to Indy from Denver just 48 hours ago.

Give God thanks for the 88 individuals you helped get to camp this past week in __________ ! As many as 18 new decisions were made to follow Jesus Christ THIS WEEK. Yay! I really believe many of you will meet these precious students in heaven because you helped to get them there – and they heard the earthshaking news of the Gospel – they’re going to be in heaven. Will you?

In closing, I cannot miss the opportunity to remind any reading this entry that having a personal, interactive relationship with God is not something we can earn, but is something God has already arranged for us – through his son’s sacrifice. HERE is a great place to start if you’re unsure of where you’ll spend eternity.

Tomorrow we anticipate cooler temps with a 40-50% chance of thunderstorms throughout the entire day. We’ll be getting wet for the first time in years on this trip...it’s been quite a run. And we also anticipate four straight days of 7-12 mph headwinds. :) First world problems.

But we’re happy to endure whatever comes – for the bigger picture of our endeavor. You can be reminded of that bigger picture at our event website here: https://www.brickyardtobridge.org/

Thanks again for your teamwork. We wouldn’t be out here without your support.

Until tomorrow and in Christ,

Greg (and for Caleb, Isaac and Randy)

[amoonlitmidnight]

decided to answer bc im bored

1.       If you could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?

troye.

2.       Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 23, give me line 17.

mine is going home. (will greyson will greyson)

3.       What do you think about most?

if c is okay.

4.      What does your latest text message from someone else say?

true.

5.       Do you sleep with or without clothes on?

with.

6.      What’s your strangest talent?

i can make good pigeon noises.

7.       Girls…. (finish the sentence); Boys…. (finish the sentence)

girls are wonderful yet complicated. boys that are good exist, but you have to sort through many awful ones to find them.

8.      Ever had a poem or song written about you?

not that I know of.

9.      When is the last time you played the air guitar?

on the bus to Bellingham lacrosse game.

10.   Do you have any strange phobias?

I am afraid of growing too old to keep memories.

11.    Ever stuck a foreign object up your nose?

blue berry, but who hasn’t?

12.    What’s your religion?

half-assed catholic I guess?

13.    If you are outside, what are you most likely doing?

playing lacrosse.

14.   Do you prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it?

behind.

15.    Simple but extremely complex. Favorite band?

the 1975 bc im basic.

16.   What was the last lie you told?

don’t worry about it, its fine.

17.    Do you believe in karma?

to an extent, yes.

18.   What does your URL mean?

thought of it randomly one night.

19.   What is your greatest weakness; your greatest strength?

weakness: relentless self-deprecation, to the point of believing that anybody complimenting me is out of pity.

strength: im funny.

20.  Who is your celebrity crush?

brendon urie or matty healy.

21.    Have you ever gone skinny dipping?

not yet.

22.   How do you vent your anger?

the vent app.

23.   Do you have a collection of anything?

important items/mementoes from the past year.

24.   Do you prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online?

video chatting.

25.   Are you happy with the person you’ve become?

somewhat, but there’s always room for improvement.

26.   What’s a sound you hate; sound you love?

hate: metal scraping/banging together, or other people blowing their nose.

love: laughter, rain

27.   What’s your biggest “what if”?

what if every choice ive made to get me to this point, didn’t happen?

28.  Do you believe in ghosts? How about aliens?

I believe that there are spirits of loved ones that look after us and guide us, but im not decisive about ghosts. aliens are 100% real, but maybe not in the way we expect.

29.   Stick your right arm out; what do you touch first? Do the same with your left arm.

right: bedside table/lamp.

left: book (will greyson will greyson)

30.  Smell the air. What do you smell?

stuffy.

31.    What’s the worst place you have ever been to?

7th grade camp.

32.   Choose East Coast or West Coast?

west coast.

33.   Most attractive singer of your opposite gender?

matty healy or troye sivan.

34.   To you, what is the meaning of life?

to do what makes you happy.

35.   Define Art.

any form of creation.

36.   Do you believe in luck?

yes.

37.   What’s the weather like right now?

sunny.

38.  What time is it?

2:01 pm.

39.   Do you drive? If so, have you ever crashed?

I do not.

40.  What was the last book you read?

note to self.

41.   Do you like the smell of gasoline?

kinda.

42.   Do you have any nicknames?

g, stew, gstew, stewart

43.   What was the last movie you saw?

lion.

44.  What’s the worst injury you’ve ever had?

concussion.

45.   Have you ever caught a butterfly?

nope

46.  Do you have any obsessions right now?

troye.

47.   What’s your sexual orientation?

see #1

48.  Ever had a rumor spread about you?

yes, courtesy of matt.

49.  Do you believe in magic?

not really.

50.  Do you tend to hold grudges against people who have done you wrong?

yes.

51.    What is your astrological sign?

pisces.

52.   Do you save money or spend it?

spend it.

53.   What’s the last thing you purchased?

eyeliner, highliter, and primer at sephora.

54.   Love or lust?

love.

55.   In a relationship?

sadly, no.

56.   How many relationships have you had?

maybe one?

57.   Can you touch your nose with your tongue?

yes.

58.   Where were you yesterday?

last lacrosse game of the season at ballard, then alki

 59.   Is there anything pink within 10 feet of you?

yes.

60.  Are you wearing socks right now?

no.

61.   What’s your favorite animal?

monkey.

62.   What is your secret weapon to get someone to like you?

be funny.

63.   Where is your best friend?

nonexistent.

64.  What is your heritage?

norwegian, irish, german i think

65.   What were you doing last night at 12 AM?

watching interstellar again.

66.  What do you think is Satan’s last name?

maybe he has one,  but he doesn’t need it. like beyonce.

67.   Are you the kind of friend you would want to have as a friend?

I’d like to think so.

68.  You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late one more time you get fired. What do you do?

let that dog die without a second thought.

69.  You are at the doctor’s office and she has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. a) Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? b) What do you do with your remaining days? c) Would you be afraid?

a) maybe one or two people in particular, c for sure. but not everyone, instead I tell them what I have always wanted them to know.

b) I tell people what I have never been courageous enough to say, and spend time with loved ones.

c) I would be more content than afraid

70.   You can only have one of these things; trust or love.

you cannot love someone if there is no trust.

  71.    What’s a song that always makes you happy when you hear it?

more than life by whitley.

72.   What are the last four digits in your cell phone number?

2935.

73.   In your opinion, what makes a great relationship?

determination and unconditional love.

74.   How can I win your heart?

show me you love me, or else I wont believe you, and be able to have conversations late at night about deep shit.

75.   Can insanity bring on more creativity?

of course.

76.   What is the single best decision you have made in your life so far?

attending hna and trying out for lacrosse.

77.   What size shoes do you wear?

9 I think?

78.   What would you want to be written on your tombstone?

do not go gentle into that good night.

79.   What is your favorite word?

titties.

80.  Give me the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word; heart.

anatomical.

81.   What is a saying you say a lot?

me when…

82.  What’s the last song you listened to?

tokyo narita freestyle.

83.  Basic question; what’s your favorite color/colors?

light blue, lavender, or faded pastel yellow.

84.  What is your current desktop picture?

was my north cascade summer team, now it’s a photo from the 1975 concert.

85.   If you could press a button and make anyone in the world instantaneously explode, who would it be?

trump bc im unoriginal.

86.  What would be a question you’d be afraid to tell the truth on?

my feelings for someone.

87.   One night you wake up because you heard a noise. You turn on the light to find that you are surrounded by MUMMIES. The mummies aren’t really doing anything, they’re just standing around your bed. What do you do?

call the cops, or just put in earbuds and listen to music really loud with my eyes closed to distract myself.

88.  You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice! What is that power?

reading minds or shapeshifting objects.

89.  You can re-live any point of time in your life. The time-span can only be a half-hour, though. What half-hour of your past would you like to experience again?

the penetration practice.

90.  You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?

odea vs lakeside game when I realized co wasn’t my friend anymore.

91.   You have the opportunity to sleep with the music-celebrity of your choice. Who would it be?

matty healy.

92.   You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go?

Amsterdam.

93.   Do you have any relatives in jail?

not that I know of.

94.  Have you ever thrown up in the car?

yes, drank some week old orange juice.

95.   Ever been on a plane?

yes.

96.  If the whole world were listening to you right now, what would you say? 

you do you, ill do me. we may not be doing the same things, but well both me happy.

[carbonsequestrian]

man i dont even know if i should share this because it’s super weird/ poorly written/ doesn’t make any sense but i feel like i keep too much too myself so here is a block of text i wrote and didn’t edit and if you read it, i love you.

Well, id like to kick off my music blogging career with a piece about a song that has continued to inspire me since the moment I heard it about 5 years ago. Something about the song awakens this dragon in me… or rather, something about the song awakens a knight that is about to go and slay a dragon, and that feeling crashes into every fiber of my being resulting in me feeling fucking powerful. Idk what the secret is. I wish I had found this sound when  I did a song analysis project for my freshman writing seminar back in college. (I chose Sublime’s Santeria for that project… and it was a shit show. Believe it or not, trying to write 10 pages about a song that doesn’t inspire every fiber of your being is insanely difficult. Lesson – if you have to write a lot, write about something you fucking love and admire.)

 The song is Don’t Waste Time Doing Things You Hate by And So I Watch You From Afar of their self titled 2009 release. I think it’s their debut album. Anyway, the band makes instrumental rock music. Stuff that superheroes and supervillains alike would use as a theme song. I discovered them from Worldhaspostrock on youtube, so check them out.

 Of course, now that im sitting down to write about the song I cannot think of any words to say about it. Lovely how that happens. Especially after bragging about how easy it is to write about something you love. HA>

If you’ve ever done something you hate, you sure know how that feels. Part of you feels trapped -momma didn’t raise no quitter – and another part of you is too busy daydreaming about what you’d rather be doing to formulate a plot to get you there. Feeling stuck doing something you hate is exactly how I felt when I discovered this song. I chose my major at college based on what a guy who I’d met over the internet was studying, he called me pretty and would send me ‘good morning’/ ‘sweet dreams’ texts, so we were obviously super serious. And I was going to study the same thing as him and we would conquer the world together, duh. Lo and behold, I hated my major. And because I hated my major, I didn’t really fit in with any of the people I met through my major. There was one chick who I liked because she hated it too, but we were very different people. I did sports in college instead of joining a music group (being in an acapella group was a last minute goal of mine) because A. everyone in my family was super sporty B. no one in my family thought very highly of music and C. I was fucking terrified of it. Every bit of it sends anxiety chills down my spine and up my toes. Singing in front of people in a room? Singing with people? Having people rely on you to do your thing correctly in order to achieve a desired result? Fuck that’s anxiety inducing. And let me make this clear, I don’t have stage fright. But I do have Perfectionist Block (a totally real issue, created by me, ill discuss it further in another post) which makes me extremely hard on myself.

 So anyway, to paint the picture – 20 year old me is in the library for the 50th hour that week (no kidding, I went to Cornell, and seriously spent 6-10 hours a day in the library studying during regular term. Finals/ testing weeks, it’d double) looking for upbeat instrumental music that could make me feel like a bad ass and I find this band. The first song I found by them was The Voiceless, off the same album. That song fucking slaps. I must’ve listened to it 30 times before saying “hey, why don’t I check out their other stuff?” and thus gave this album a listen. I was so stressed that week, so tired, felt so lost and alone. I hated every fucking minute of my life but I was pushing through it because I wanted to make my mom proud. Every morning I would angrily get ready for class, pissed off that elitism and this desperate urge to prove oneself through menial shit such as ‘ivy league’ degrees would push someone to find the line of their breaking point and balance on it. All for what? If I died tomorrow, who could speak of who I am? At cornell, I was a cornell student. That was it. By being there, I wasn’t anything of myself anymore. I wasn’t strong, I wasn’t funny, I wasn’t good with animals, I wasn’t a hard-worker, I wasn’t smart – though, those last traits were implied – I simply became a product of an institution. One that I loved, don’t get me wrong. I had been looking for reassurance/ acceptance/ approval my entire life, and that letter that I got from a world renowned school was it – so I thought. But then I got there and my imposter syndrome went wild. I wasn’t truly smart, or good at learning. In fact, high school had been so easy for me that I was able to scrape by with great grades without ever working on schoolwork outside of school (I’d do my work during lunch, when I would eat in the chorus room/ my English teacher’s room since I had no friends.) at school, I thought I’d made friends, but they ditched me when I needed them most. In retrospect, I should’ve been more forgiving – no one’s perfect -  but ill blame my poor socialization through high school here. I saw kids who worked their asses off day and night. A 16 year old math prodigy lived in my hall. And I had nothing to show for my intelligence outside of the fact I was able to take enough HS classes in middle school that I’d manage to have 4 hours of school my senior year (typically, that time would be so that kids could take extra APs. But I said fuck that.)

 Truth is,  I was so insecure and unsure of myself that being thrown into the lava pit that is college – any college, not just an ivy league – was emotionally and mentally overwhelming. I found myself getting drunk to the point of almost dying most nights. Every time with strangers. I’d often go to the bridges, where so many had leapt to their deaths before, and ponder if that’s where I belonged. Crashing amongst the rocks and water in the gorges. Man, I was fucking depressed. And a ball of anxiety. I had no real identity, you’d ask me what I liked or what I wanted from my life and I’d have no real answer. My answer would vary based on what youtube videos I had been watching that week. I was so scared of being judged.

 Point is, I found nothing that I felt a connection to. Not my major. Not my peers. Occasionally my surroundings, but typically only in the morbid, I’d like to throw myself off this sort of way. Life is so much more complex than those things, and truth is, ill never really be able to explain away all of the different shit in my life that was bringing me down. Making me feel worthless. Dumb. Like I didn’t belong. And the first thing that I felt like understood this, was this song. Even writing that out I feel like it confirms my worst fears, that I am worthless/ delusional/ crazy/ not even a real person. How does one go through 20 years of life and can only feel connected to a pile of noises that a stranger has made and recorded? Wavelengths generated by someone else’s finger tips never felt so good. They resonated through my brain and spoke to my soul. It was like I was being sucked into a black hole and obliterated to nothing. And that was what I needed, because I was able to look at who I was and take a chance to rebuild. To change.

 With no one to talk to, no one who understood me, and no real goals or aspirations in my life/ being too crippled by fear to even take a chance to achieve my goals/ aspirations in life, I darted in the complete opposite direction. Left that ‘dream school’ for a state school 2000 miles away. I still waste plenty of time doing things I hate, but every day I try to do my best to find the things I love. It’s been a long hard road, and I am so unsure of myself. I realize I’ll never have the validation I seek, at least not externally. Still, going to cornell is my greatest achievement and those close to me hold a grudge that I left without fulfilling my diploma. And looking back, I could’ve done it. Taken some time off, sought a therapist outside of the free service offered, opened up to some of the people I had met. Hindsight is 2020. And im here now.

 This song means the world to me. The suspense of the guitar plucking in the intro is an emotion I was swallowed in. the anger and noise of the guitars from 1:11-1:30 was how I felt every morning when I looked at the day ahead. The desperation of the guitars at 2min how I looked at the people around me, who appeared to have their shit all together. Their heads above the water. Looking at me drowning below the surface. But I had a smile on my face, so I must have been fine. Then the clarity that comes at 3mins. The music starts to feel like it’s getting itself together. 3:35-4:15, when big changes happen. And the la la lalalalalas. That’s how I was, just “la de da-ing” my way through life, not really thinking about what I was going to take from this world and my short time getting to experience it. The song gets progressively happier, and calmer, as I hope my own life will be, though I’m still in my 3min phase when it feels like it’s starting to get itself together.

 Ill always hold onto the hard times I went through at school. And ill wish everyday for a time machine, so I could go back in time and tell 18 year old me to just chill and ‘discover yourself, man’ before going to a place that has so much potential. Because the truth is, I was too insecure to be successful at such an institution. I still think I’m too insecure. But at least now I know, and I’m not living under this idea that because I got into a good school I am a good person and good things will come to me.

[cubansandwichfestival]

Paul Calderon and David Zayas

Victor Padilla:  Were going to talk about the Divine Horsemen and many things I definitely want to al about that and promote it on our online magazine. S tell us how you guys started, you guys started this like way back? What year was it that you actually started or go the idea to do the Divine Horseman?

Paul Calderon: 1995

Victor Padilla:  95 wow, and what was the inspiration behind it?

Paul Calderon: uh we needed a play to open the season with hah, we didn’t have one haha

Victor Padilla:  So whose idea was it, both of you guys got together and created it or?

David Zayas:  No, I was really just starting out I hadn’t really done much when and Paul wrote this I wasn’t going to be in it I was going to be the stage manager of it, that had to be 1995, but circumstances happened that the actor that was playing the role of Iffy which Im playing now, he couldn’t do it, so I jumped in and it was a really great experience.

Victor Padilla:  Wow, tell us a little about the show and the baseline of it, the purpose behind it

Paul Calderon: Back then or now?

Victor Padilla:  Well back then and then now, kind of like a recap                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  Paul Calderon: Well back then again I was working on a novel and my wife was the artistic director of the theatre company at the time and I said listen you need a play to open the season with, you don’t have one, turn those ideas that you are working on in the novel into a play and I wrote it like in a couple of weeks and lucky for me I had great talent behind me, you know David was able to step in to take over a very challenging role, we had John Ortiz, Phillip Seymore Hoffman, and you know, we had a great experience we did a workshop and the response was great, and then shortly after it was auctioned off, it just didn’t go the way that I envisioned it, because all of a sudden the Latino characters were turned into something else, I took the rights back and shelved it. Then this past year David and my wife coerced me into bringing it back.

Victor Padilla:  That’s cool, so David, tell us where your from and a little bit of your family history

David Zayas: Well my parents were born in Puerto Rico and I was born in the Bronx and raised in the Bronx and yea over by I grew up by southern blvd over there and when I got older we moved to the Soundview section of the Bronx. And yea that where I grew up. I come from a really strong influence Puerto Rican background, still am, still living in the Bronx, I’m living in the ghetto right now, things are going good got into acting late in life, joined the air force when I was 18, came back became a cop for NY for 15 years, then started acting.

Victor Padilla:  So playing police parts is easier for you for or is it weird?

David Zayas: None of it is easy really, you know certain things come easy, the jargon, the police jargon, comes more naturally to me maybe more than someone else you know, but It all boils down to the specificity of what was written for you and you try to make that true as you can

Victor Padilla:  Yea that’s true, and Paul tell us a little about your history and stuff which I already know but let’s talk about it hehe

Paul Calderon: I was born in Puerto Rico, I came here when I was 6 I didn’t know any English, my uncles kept stressing when I would speak to them in Spanish and they would say to speak in English but I didn’t know any English. It was rough coming here because there was no bilingual education in school back then, it was pretty tough. You know the public school in New York back then in the 50s were pretty rough you know but it gave me a lot to draw from for characters in the future.

Victor Padilla:  And things are so different with school now a days you know and kids are going to grow up with hunchbacks because they’re all hunched over looking at their phones hahahha.

So David tell us a little about what your inspiration was to get into acting what and who inspired you

David Zayas: I think I was 12 when I went to see Dog Day Afternoon, and I was like oh wow I don’t know what’s going on but I kind of want to get involved in whatever the experience Im going through in this moment with this film and from there it was always in the back of my mind, I wanted to be involved somehow.  You know then life takes over and you put it on the back burner and then when I was like 29 I said you know I’m going to give it a shot. Started going to acting classes and getting involved with everything that was there at the time that I was able to get involved with, I had to surround myself with people that I saw had took this seriously and was going to teach me how to have a good work ethic. I’m a good observer.

Victor Padilla:  So Paul tell us a little about your inspiration and what got you started into acting..

Paul Calderon: You know I was always a movie buff, my mom was very strict and sometimes she wouldn’t let me go out especially when we came to this country. I used to spend hours and hours watching movies on tv because back then it was just movies around the clock. Then my mom and my step dad, we would go to the movies religiously on the weekends, and I remember seeing Viva Zapata, Shane, The Blob, a whole bunch of great films, and back then, before the movies would begin, they would part the curtains, and it would be such an experience I remember asking my mom “do these actors know each other?” Haha. I told her I think I wanna be an actor I must have been 6 or 7. Then it went on the backburner for years.

Victor Padilla:  So David tell us about a something funny that happened during filming…

Paul Calderon: Funny moments, I have so many of them. I think filming a scene where I come out of the car with my gun running after somebody and had a woman come and put her arms around me because she recognized me and having to yell cut, and then I have the gun in my hand so it was weird and funny

Victor Padilla:  So Paul tell us a funny moment

Paul Calderon:   Well my wife is here so she recently pointed out this moment, I was doing Sea of Love with Pacino in 89, and we were shooting by west 86th st it was like 2 in the morning and we had a break we had a dinner break, at 2 in the morning, Pacino says, Im going to Hermes which was this famous restaurant on 72nd st and Broadway, hahah we all started running after him because he’s walking down the block to get in the cab and I push my wife to the side and start running after Pacino to go to Hermes with him hahhha!

Victor Padilla:  Did she yell bring me something back hahah

Paul Calderon:  She was pissed hahaha

Victor Padilla:  So tell us a little bit about where Divine Horsemen is showing and how people can get tickets and stuff and where to go online

David Zayas: Well we have one more week left, from the 4th through the 27th and its at Access Theatre, on the 4th floor, tickets are $25.oo, they can visit our website: https://divinehorsemen.brownpapertickets.com, itll sell out quick so buy the tickets

Victor Padilla:  Are you only doing it there are you going to start doing it out of state in different locations

Paul Calderon:  The reason why we went ahead with the interview is that were open to move it to continue with it.

Victor Padilla:  Now we come down to the very important question for both of you which is : What is your favorite Latino food and do you love Cuban sandwiches?

David Zayas: Where you at, are you in Miami?

Victor Padilla:  No, No, I am 5 hours away from Miami but Im a Tampa boy, Im from Tampa, Ybor city area.

Paul Calderon:  You mentioned the Cuban sandwiches before Victor hahahha

David Zayas:  You know listen, its always been a favorite of mine the arroz y habichuelas con pernil, I don’t say no to that wherever Im at and if its done good its even better. Ive curved on that recently trying to keep my weight down.

Victor Padilla:  Yea that’s a hard one to resist, any latin food lol.  So do you like Cuban Sandwiches?

David Zayas:  I do like Cuban Sandwiches, not a big pickle fan, and they usually put pickles in it, but I can get used to a good Cuban sandwich

Victor Padilla:  Good! And Paul

Paul Calderon: Probably my favorite latin food now that I think about it is when my mom would make arroz con gandules y carne guisada.

Victor Padilla:  So who in your lifetime guys has been your hero or inspiration in Life

David Zayas: That’s a very objective question, I think that it would be my father, because of the amazing work ethic that kind of brushed off on me, the responsibility. There is a lot of family members that Ive observed that have had a positive influence on me

Paul Calderon: Positive impact? Early on I can’t say I had too many. I had to get through a lot on my own. I had some Uncles that were cool guys but some of their habits were not something to emulate, so years later in life when I met someone that was a beautiful spirit I was able to learn from later on in life, he has since has passed he wasn’t an actor, he was just a  beautiful spirit and I was able to learn how to work others through him you know.

Victor Padilla Speaks with Puerto Rican Actors Paul Calderon and David Zayas Paul Calderon and David Zayas Victor Padilla:  Were going to talk about the Divine Horsemen and many things I definitely want to al about that and promote it on our online magazine.

[linssikeittomies]

Apocalypse. In 50 Years. Chapter 1: Virgin Allison

I’m lucky. Always have been. Me, my parents, their parents, and their parents as far back as we can remember have always been lucky: none of them have been seriously ill, gotten into a serious accident, or suffered major financial setbacks. We don’t have any hereditary diseases. No one has died before their 80th birthday. There hasn’t been a single divorce.

I had a good upbringing, a stable family situation and a healthy diet. My parents bought me an apartment, I got in to college on my first try, I have hobbies I love and time for them, summer is just around the corner and we’re planning a vacation to Hawaii, everything is great and I should have nothing to worry about.

But every second of the day I feel this anxious tension in my chest.

I always feel like I’m doing something wrong, or I’m supposed to be doing something else. Something is not correct, and I don’t know how to correct it. Something’s expected of me, but I don’t know what. I’ve tried going to church and mosque more, I’ve tried doing more sports, I’ve tried volunteer work, arts, science, philosophy, psychology, travelling, soul searching, nothing works. That nagging feeling just won’t go away! Sometimes it’s right there on the surface, sometimes it sinks to the background, but it’s there every second of the day and my sanity can’t take another month of this feeling! I might be the first person in my family line to have a mental breakdown.

--

There’s some kind of sound… What is that, I don’t like it, I don’t like beeping when it’s so warm. Just let me find that last bunny. It got scared of the sound. Aww, I found it, right on my desk, the alarm…

Oh, the sound was my alarm clock. Damn brilliant, time to wake up already. Whose bright idea was it to force people up before they were ready? The professors can’t like being woken at the ass crack of dawn either. Just stop having morning lectures, people! Nobody wants them! I’m the nicest girl this country has ever seen and I’m getting an impulse to murder a guy. I’ve been getting up at 5:45 the whole week, maybe I should’ve gone the other route and just not slept at all. Would’ve made it easier to drag myself out of my soft, warm, loving bed… I’ve been trying to clean up my language, but I just have to curse some right now. Gives me enough anger to push myself up. Makes me feel bad about myself, too.

The classic white and blue sailor fuku has seen a lot of use this past month, but since it still feels marginally less wrong than all my other clothes, it’ll see a little more. I brush my hair while I wait for the frying pan to heat up enough fry my omelet, then pick at it and end up only eating half. Ughhh, why did I stay up reading that fanfic last night, again? I’ve read it like ten times already, I already know damn well what’s gonna happen! I get so queasy when I’m tired… I should probably pack the rest of this omelet up and take it to school ‘cause I’ll just get hungry an hour later.

I manage to cover the bags under my eyes with make-up, and since for once I was smart and packed my bag ready last night, I just grab it and get out the door. I’ve barely closed it when my next door neighbor Ricky comes out his. He’s really nice and kinda cute, but his obvious crush on me makes our relationship a little awkward. Not that I don’t reciprocate – he’s easy on the eyes, super cute with all those freckles and dimples and supposedly carefree hair combined with a caring and shy personality. So yeah, I once considered dating him, but the overwhelming sense of WRONG! WRONG! had unfortunately made that impossible. It always flares up particularly bad when something romance-related comes to my mind, maybe I’m just extremely aromantic without realizing it? It seems being friends with him is a-ok, however. And it’s got its perks.

“Oh, morning, Ally. Did you like the cookies I gave you yesterday?” he asks, as if there was ever any doubt. “I think the cinnamon made them a little too Christmassy.”

“Not at all, they were great! I don’t get how you make them soft in the center, whenever I try they just dry up.”

“Might be too much flour”, he theorizes as we go down the stairs. He moves his messenger bag from his free side to between the two us – I’ve noticed he does that a lot, I think it’s some kind of unconscious attempt at putting up a barrier because he feels so self-conscious around me. “Or maybe you keep the oven on for too long. I always turn it off when they’re close to ready.”

I almost ask for a baking lesson, but again the WRONG flares up so I give up on the idea.

“You might be on to something, I’ll try that next time.”

He’s bad with words, so he tries to find something to say but can’t. He scratches his arm absently and opens his mouth only to close it immediately. Our conversations are rarely smooth, and these kinds of pauses are the norm. I don’t mind them that much – no point in saying words solely for the sake of making noise, after all. But Ricky seems to find them incredibly uncomfortable and a sign of failure, so often I just say something completely meaningless to help him out, give him some ideas.

“How’s school been lately?”

Ricky’s a journalism major, and has a huge collection of magazines and newspapers at his place. I wonder why he didn’t go into confectionary since he’s so good at it already. Maybe he prefers to keep it a hobby? Not even with a gun to my head would I animate for a living, even though I spend like 90 percent of my free time staring at anime.

“Nothing special”, he mumbles. “A lot of work… It, uhh, might get a little worse now that my computer broke…”

“Aww crap, I feel for you!”

“Thanks… I… spilled milk on it last night”, he admits embarrassed. He likes drinking milk with cookies, he must’ve been eating those cinnamon cookies while working on something. “It’s probably busted even if I can get it dry.”

“I can lend you my tablet if it’s any help.”

“Thanks, but… all my files were on the hard drive.”

Oh jeez, he didn’t even save the most important ones to a cloud? This guy’s just hopeless. I don’t get how he’s managed to stay alive living on his own for two years. A cute face doesn’t help much with keeping track of bills and switching fuses.

We part ways on the street and I dig out my headphones. My bus route is noisy as hell, thanks to all the “edgy” teens going to high school. For some incomprehensible reason so many of them think it’s entirely necessary to loudly laugh at the worst non-jokes and gossip about this bitch and that bitch and those assholes, while also apparently hating each other judging by the amount insults they throw at each other, but still they hang out together so I guess they really are friends…? I just don’t get them. I was never like that in high school, I actually liked my friends.

Speaking of which, I get a new message from ~BFF~.

Good morning! Saida says, and sends a selfie. Seems she’s been clothes shopping, as I’ve never seen that tunic before. The hijab is old, but it’s draped pretty elaborately. It looks really good on her, red’s really her color, and the tunic’s greenish gray complements it surprisingly well.

Woah nice! Looks great on u (^o^)b

Thanks^^ Took ten tries to drape it good, I’m thinking wearing it like this for the premiere. Only a week from now! SO excited! >o<

Grrrrreat peeps gonna luv it \(^-<)

Keep both thumbs up for me^^

Saida’s an aspiring playwright and works on a lot of amateur productions. This will the first play she wrote completely on her own. I’ve been to a couple of their rehearsals, so I know the story is about a woman whose father is murdered and she vows to catch the perp – but in the process learns that her father was actually a terrible person and was killed in revenge. I didn’t want too many spoilers so I haven’t read the script.

Can we go togthr im so proud of u (/>3>)/

Of course! We’re going for a dinner afterwards so you can come with us too

Aww, I wanted u all to myself orz

If only you were a guy you couldXD Too bad :p

Deciding to tease her about this raises the wrong feeling back to the surface, but the opportunity is just too delicious.

Ill keep that in mind (^3^)b

Oh jeez, in hindsight that was a bad joke (/-_-\)

U get im gonna teez u about this all ur life k:DDDD

In hindsight that was a REALLY bad joke -_- Have fun AT SCHOOL you little devil!>:D

Aww orz

She barely has classes this week, not that it means she actually has less work – just that she’s supposed to working on assignments at home. Unlike me, she’s really diligent and actually does her homework over a few days instead of the previous night.

--

The professor is late, as usual. Students don’t have keys for the classrooms, so we have to wait outside. It can get pretty cramped, especially at places like this: at the end of a narrow hallway, with the smelliest toilet in the building at the other end. Everyone tries their hardest to squeeze out of the way of the stench. At least in the summer it gets a little better – in the winter the pipes get frozen, and when the water doesn’t flow, the smell really starts melting off faces.

I fail at stifling a yawn, and a classmate gives me a sympathetic look. It’s so hard to stay awake when I’m not on the move, any small break just reminds my brain of how tired I am, and then it wants to go back to sleep. It even forgets about the horrible stink floating in the hallway, if only for a moment. When my head drops and I snap back to attention, it suddenly fills my nose again. I’ve repeated the process about five times already.

In fact, I’m right in the process of drifting back to sleep again when I notice her. The pale, young woman dressed all in black, sporting abyssal black hair and glowing, ember-like eyes. She stares at me intently, like a hawk hunting a rabbit, and emanates a malicious aura. Everything about her is… dark, somehow. Like she’s hard to make out, and even the bright lamps seem dimmer around her. She looks human, but in an… elongated way. Her face, her body, and especially her fingers, look a little too long and a little too spindly. She looks like a daddy long legs. I can’t shake the mental image of her creeping up the wall and skittering away in to some slight crack. I’m not used to being nervous – I consider myself a particularly brave person, but this lady is giving me the creeps! I find myself crossing my arms at my chest to get at least some kind of barrier between us, despite her standing several meters away. It’s not far enough. If possible, I would rather put several countries between us – but as it stands, all I have is half a meter of hallway.

Her eyes stare at me unblinkingly as I squeeze closer to the door, their dim glimmer drowning out all other light. I can’t look away – her gaze holds me prisoner, and laughs at my fear.

Then a light weight settles on my shoulder, and her thin lips curve into a sharp, sadistic facsimile of a smile and she whispers

                                                  FOUND YOU

before turning around and walking out. All feelings of dread melt away with her gone, and I turn to look at whoever defended me.

It’s a hand. A translucent, poorly defined, watery hand that peters out of existence at the wrist. Seeing it floods me with tranquility. It twinkles like moonwake and grips my shoulder reassuringly before fading away.

…

Wow, I must be really tired! Guess those five hour nights finally caught up with me! As interesting as this awake-sleeping was, I’d rather not repeat it anytime soon. Or, like, ever. I have got to catch up on sleepy times this weekend.

--

By afternoon I’ve almost forgotten about the creepy lady and disembodied hand. It’s Friday, I’m too excited about finally having the time to finish my Ayato cosplay to think about sleep deprivation hallucination thingies. If I hurry, I should be able to finish the coat, maybe work on the pants some more. I need to get some more glue and find the right kind of buttons, the crafts store is still open so I’ll stop by there before going to my parents’ –

“Hey, Ally!”

A classmate drags me out of my thoughts.

“Ellie decided to throw an impromptu birthday party to herself tomorrow at her place, wanna come with us?” Lisa continues. Bryan is at her side, while Lotte and Yao come up on my right.

“She’s invited a lot of her other friends, too! Place is gonna be crawling with cute chicks!” Brian informs me as he pumps his fists. He then seems to remember he’s talking to a girl. “…Or guys, if that’s your thing”, he adds meekly.

Lisa firmly shakes her head.

“Her place can’t fit more than twenty people, and our class is gonna be at least thirteen of those people.”

“Yeah, the afterparty is what’s filled with hotties!” Lotte pipes in with stars in her eyes. Our class doesn’t actually share a lot of courses, but we try to stay in contact with each other. We have a whatsapp group, and sometimes we plan parties or get-togethers. I try to take part every now and then, but so often everyone just wants to go drinking I don’t see the point in going.

“Don’t worry, Ellie said her place is an alcohol-free zone for tonight because she doesn’t want a repeat of last year!” Lisa assures me. “It’s just gonna be music and games until we go clubbing.”

Ellie is pretty nice, and the only person I kind of consider to be a friend other than Saida. I might make friends easily, but keeping them is a genuine problem. If we hadn’t been neighbors all our lives, I don’t think I would still be friends with even Saida, either. So I’d like to at least try and hold on to Ellie while we’re still in the same school.

“Alright, I’ll be there!”

“WOOOO!!!” Lotte screams and everyone else flinches.

“Jesus Christ Lotte, control yourself!” Yao snaps at her, but of course she doesn’t give a damn. Instead, she starts dancing right there in the hallway and singing some pop song off-key. I know for a fact she’s not drunk because she acts like that even in class, but it’s still almost impossible to believe. Yao grumbles quietly and facepalms in shame before walking off without another word.

“See you tomorrow!” are Lisa’s parting words, and she smiles brightly as she waves bye. Bryan punches her lightly on the shoulder and she silently pumps her fist. They’re so happy that most of the class will be there. We used to this kind of stuff a lot more often in our first year, but then summer break came and everyone drifted apart.

“Wear something nice... but not too nice”, Lotte advises, winking conspicuously. “That’d be a bit too scary.”

“Scary how?” I ask puzzled. She just blows me a kiss before WOOTing again and pseudo-dancing out the door. In a way I almost envy her utter indifference towards social norms, being her must be so freeing. I can’t imagine the tiniest worry ever enters her head. For sure she never feels anything she does is wrong.

I popped in the crafts store on the way to my parents’ – on Friday’s we always have dinner together. This week it was dad’s turn to cook, so I helped him make the asam laksa, after hiding the curry- he always tries to put in too much, and mom’s so white she can barely salt her food.

“Bismillah”, dad and I say.

“God is great, by his hand we are all fed. Amen”, mom and I say.

My parents are great at working around their faiths. They both let the other do their own thing while holding onto their own. They never tried to teach me one faith was wrong. I came to think of God and Allah as different aspects of the same entity, in a way, and had no problems growing up bi-religious. As a child God felt closer, but after graduating middle school I became more drawn to Allah, maybe partly because of Saida. That’s when we really started being good friends, despite being neighbors since birth and always being in the same class. I even wore a hijab for a while, like her, though only for, like, ten months maybe? It wouldn’t have been even that long had my parents not been kind of worried, and had I not been a rebellious little shit. I wanted to make them squirm a bit. Imagine that, an Ally who wasn’t a total goody two shoes.

“We’ve been thinking about getting a dog”, dad tells me. “I think a Maltese would be best, they’re small and playful. A dog should be social and playful, right? Real companions. I have some breeders scouted already.”

He’s super excited about this dog. One might even say suspiciously excited…

“You’re suffering from empty nest syndrome”, I quip and chuckle.

“Nonsense, I’ve always wanted a dog.”

“You never mentioned dogs before Ally moved out, honey”, mom reminds playfully.

“What? Sure I did. The house was just too small.”

Mom rubs her chin mock-thoughtfully.

“The man doth protest too much, methinks.”

“He really doth.”

Dad gets flustered and still tries to claim he’s doing no such thing. Everyone and their grandma knows he has a soft spot for anything cute and fluffy but he still likes to pretend he doesn’t. Oh, that pink teddy bear on that shelf? It was a gift for my wife, she loves things like that. I heard your cat had kittens, can I bring my daughter over to see them? What’s a few mice, they’ll be gone by winter, getting mouse traps is too much hassle.

We had to call an exterminator for the mice. In a few months they had taken over most of the kitchen.

“Well now neither will get to name the puppy.”

Aww, and I was so looking forward to that yappy little shedding machine. I would have named it Fluffy of the Incessant Noise.

“I’m thinking O’Malley. That could then be shortened to either Max or Madsie.”

“He hasn’t been this excited since your youngest cousin was born”, mom says while nudging dad with her elbow. Dad claims the dog would be mostly for mom, so she won’t get lonely while dad’s at work. Mom says Of course, honey, and lets it slide. She has a part-time job, she’s only home alone for nine hours a few days a week.

--

I leave when it starts getting dark outside. I live close to my parents, so I decide to walk home. It’s getting a little chilly outside, but that only means the air is fresh and getting under the warm covers will feel that much better. It’s quiet – oddly quiet, it’s only quarter past eight. Why are all the lights already off? I could get a few people being asleep already, but the whole neighborhood? It’s not a blackout, the streetlights are on. Weird.

I’m starting to get a little nervous. Logically thinking there’s nothing worrying around, but my gut keeps telling me something is wrong more insistently than usually. And it’s a dangerous wrong, not the this-is-not-expected-of-you-wrong.

I pick up my pace a bit, and that’s when the streetlamps start going out, too. Each one I pass under fizzles out after me. The feeling of wrong is replaced by GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE!!!! In a blind panic I start running, but then the lamps start breaking before I even reach them! Hot glass shards rain over me as I’m left in total darkness in a large city that never sleeps!

No, that not entirely correct… There is still one light on. A single streetlamp a dozen meters away illuminates a small patch of sidewalk. Something is standing under it. Some kind of dark creature, with long talons and glinting fangs. I can hear it chuckling darkly… and it charges at me!

On instinct I put up my dukes, only realizing after the fact that it’s probably the one choice even worse than simply running – I’ve never hit anyone in my life and would just break each of my fingers before getting mauled to death… Shit! Okay, okay – but at least this way, I can die on my own terms – bring it on, bitch!

But just as quickly as it attacked, it is defeated. A blindingly bright spear of light shoots down from the sky, piercing the creature’s head clean in the center and nailing it to the asphalt. The resulting shockwave drops me on my ass on the ground. The spear stays standing, unbearably bright to look at but barely illuminating the surroundings at all. And the creature lies there motionless, not bleeding, but it’s so obviously dead I almost want to go up to it and investigate a little. My wrong radar goes off, though, so I give up the idea.

And, well, I wouldn’t have gotten that far anyway, since now a watery, half-there hand fades into view around the hilt of the spear – the same hand from school. This doesn’t feel like a dream, and in a dream I sure wouldn’t wonder if this was all a dream, but I just have to consider the possibility. Because if this is reality, I’ll have to readjust my beliefs on ghosts and I really, really don’t want them to be real!

A faint sound of flutes drifts in as the hand lifts up the spear and offers it to someone invisible. The corpse of the demonic beast quietly crumbles to dust, and all the lights flicker back on. The invisible someone starts forming a body – at first as poorly defined as the watery hand, like a half-remembered memory, but soon solidifying into a slender, paper white arm, alabaster robe, platinum blonde curls… and massive, pure white feathery wings flaring out from this picture perfect woman’s back. A softly glowing halo hums into life above her head as a single, clear ring of a church bell tolls.

If – if this isn’t an angel, nothing is. There I am, on my ass on the pavement before an emissary of God, and I can’t even manage to not gawk at her like some fucking moron!

The angel takes the spear in her hand, the watery hand waves to me and disappears, and still I can’t manage to even close my fucking mouth!

“I take it you are unharmed?” the angel asks me, her voice pure and melodic and all that poetic crap, and all I say is “Praise be to God”, like some generic and zero-thought-process and out-of-habit phrase like that is going to do any good in this situation. THINK OF SOMETHING TO SAY, DAMN YOU BRAIN!

“Get off your ass already!” a new voice huffs and startles me enough to actually make me jump despite not even standing. On my left, there is a lesbian – honestly, that’s what best describes her! She’s wearing red flannel, for fuck’s sake! A super short lesbian, she’s almost a head shorter than even me… What the hell – heck is she doing here? Can’t she see the angel standing right there? Why isn’t she boggled out of her mind at the incredible sight?! It feels so right to be in awe of her – wait… It feels… right? Why… why isn’t anything wrong now? I… This is so confusing. Where did the wrong go?

The angel graciously offers her hand to this idiotic creature, and all I can do is stutter out a simple thank you. Partly it’s my confusion at the inexplicable disappearance of wrong, and partly because she is - and I’m not shitting or embellishing this in the slightest - the most beautiful woman I could have imagined even in my wildest dreams. It’s not just how she looks, it’s also how she feels – and yes, she does look stunning, but she also emanates this aura of peace, reverence and contentment. That aura, combined with her perfectly symmetrical, slim face, large eyes in multiple hues of blue and nearly translucent, evenly toned skin puts Aphrodite, Venus and Istar all to shame.

“Thank you”, I say automatically. The angel smiles and I swear my heart skips like ten beats. Not only is she indescribably beautiful, she’s also insanely tall – I don’t even reach her armpit. As I stare up at her like some love-struck idiot, her face subtly changes – her eyes go from double-lid to monolid, her nose flattens a bit, and her cheekbones travel upwards. She’s turned from completely Caucasian to part East Asian – like me. She skin still stays just as pale, though, it even faintly glows a white light.

“We need to go, asshats!” the lesbian snaps. I reluctantly turn to look at her instead of the wonder in front of me. Her hair is blonde as well, but instead of freely flowing long waves, it’s a straight, long bob and pulled into a ponytail. Her eyes are an even turquoise, and that’s one of the only two things worth mentioning about her looks – she’s impossibly plain. She’s so plain you can’t call her ugly, not even standing next to the angel. The other thing worth mention is that bitch face of epic proportions. How she can be anything but awestruck around the angel is beyond me, but that look makes it pretty clear she despises nothing on this planet as much as she does me.

I thought the angel would be incapable of negative emotions, but even she gives a slight glare at the lesbian, like she’s being inappropriate.

“Yes, it would be best to move on before more demons arrive.”

That thing was really a demon? Not just some monster? Why was it after me? And why am I important to warrant an honest to God angel to save me? Not that I don’t appreciate it, it’s just weird that a nobody like me gets special treatment. My family’s not important, and I’m not even planning a religious career.

The angel and the lesbian start walking towards my place, and I don’t question how they know where I live. I just follow, legs weak, suddenly noticing how funny the short lesbian looks next to the giant angel. As I stifle the chuckle, I realize how rude I’m being, and to a celestial being at that!

“Ah! My name’s Ally binti Badraan! Nice to meet you!”

Both women turn to look at me, but keep walking.

“We knew that”, the angel replies smiling gently. “You may call me Rapture.”

We both look at the lesbian expectantly, and she blanks for a good five seconds. What, doesn’t she know her own name?

“…Meta. Got any smokes?”

Rapture looks like she wants to facepalm, but it wouldn’t fit her image.

“Uhh, sorry, no. I don’t smoke.”

“What are you even good for?” Meta huffs. Excuse me? What the hell kind of manners are those?! She was totally raised in a barn!

“I apologize for my subordinate”, Rapture grumbles. “It may be difficult to believe she is also an angel, but she is capable despite her personality.”

What?! The lesbian is also an angel? But – she’s nothing like Rapture! She seems like the furthest thing from angel excluding demons! Rapture, yeah, she could only be an angel, but you can’t tell me that Plain McBitchy belongs in the same genus!

“I’m here to fight demons, not to baby these bonebags”, Meta comments with a sneer. I decide not to bother with her, and address Rapture.

“So you’re powers, am I correct?”

Rapture smiles so bright I swear the whole street lights up. I hate being a broken record, but she is so beautiful! I might have to look away soon, wouldn’t want my eyes to overload.

“Oh, good to see you have read your Bible! It has been very long since I met a true believer!”

I don’t have the heart to tell her I haven’t even read the whole Bible… I skipped like 70 percent of the Old Testament. I read all the angel stuff on Wikipedia.

Come to think of it, does this prove Christianity to be the only true religion? What am I going to tell dad and Saida?

I’m just about to ask, when the angels – no, I just can’t consider the lesbian an actual angel – suddenly turn invisible. We’re right at the corner of my apartment building, and I hear someone walking towards us. I don’t want to panic, because for sure Rapture wouldn’t have left me to fend for myself if it was a demon, but can you blame me for imagining the worst when I was a second away from death mere minutes ago?

I couldn’t hide behind the dumpster fast enough, and Ricky caught me at a very embarrassing situation.

“Did you drop something?” he asks. I feel my face growing red as I try to nonchalantly brush my clothes clean and look like I didn’t just dive on the ground.

“Oh, yeah, my… thing. Girl thing.”

“I have two sisters, you can say tampon”, he laughs as he throws in his trash. I am so glad he doesn’t realize I made it sound like my tampon just fell out. “Nice evening, right? If it weren’t for the lights, you could see the stars clearly.”

Yeah, the sky is clear and there’s only a light breeze in the air. I look up at the sky, but can only see a few dots here and there. I’ve always wanted to go in the countryside somewhere at night so I could see the starry sky in all its glory. It’s just that driving in complete darkness in a strange place would be a little too scary, and I am not sleeping in a car.

I catch Ricky looking at me with a slight blush on his face, and wait for the wrong to set in to discourage any kind of romantic notion. But it doesn’t come. What happened to it? It always comes at moments like this!

“Um…” Ricky starts, wrings his hands, looks at the ground, looks at me, and starts again. “I – I cooked up something really good, if you’d, maybe, like to come in and, I don’t know, watch some anime?”

Where is that sense of wrong? I feel completely fine with saying yes to this ridiculously obvious date. It’s like it’s suddenly okay to like someone.

I – I kind of want to see what happens. It doesn’t have to lead to anything serious, I can just leave if wrong returns. Claim I didn’t realize this is a date.

I’m gonna do it!

“Yeah, okay! I got some mochi at my place, you liked the green tea ones, right?”

Ricky can’t believe I just said yes. His smile is so wide you could fit a camel in his mouth, despite him clearly trying to play it cool, like he’s a smooth player.

“Those were the kind you got me for Christmas? Where did you buy them?” Aww, he remembered! He hadn’t looked too happy with his first taste of mochi, but I guess they grew on him.

“The Chinese store on West street, they got many kinds.”

“Never thought I’d say I like green tea”, Ricky jokes and stops even trying to hide his joy.

“My favorite is durian, smells horrible but tastes heavenly.”

Does that count as an accidental pun? Rapture and Meta are still around, aren’t they? Just invisible. What’s up with that, anyway?

“Was that the purple one, or –“

Ricky is cut off by Meta suddenly appearing right at his side and making him jump away in surprise.

“Will you two just get ON WITH IT!” she yells exasperated. “I’m TIRED, I need my SMOKES, and I’m not getting EITHER while you two keep standing here FLIRTING WITH EACH OTHER!”

Ricky stares at her in terrified silence, and I can’t think of anything to say either. Meta huffs again – seems to be her thing.

“Do you at least have smokes?”

Ricky shakes his head timidly.

“Well of FUCKING COURSE you don’t! Fucking useless garbage! Thirsty little bitch who probably still wets the bed…”

“What the hell Meta?!” I yell. Yeah, I’m a nice person, but I’m not gonna just stand there while this bitch insults my friend! Angel or not, she needs to show some basic respect! “You can’t just blow up like that! Apologize!”

She stares at me in stunned silence, and I can just hear the Did this bitch honestly-! Uh-huh, you bet your ass I did! “Ricky’s a nice guy, he doesn’t deserve you giving him shit for not enabling your bad habits!”

Uh-oh, bad move. Meta goes from disbelief to fite me! in under a second.

“You realize he probably beats off to you every single night? Nice guys like him watch the most fucked up Asian bondage porn”, Meta shoots, and stomps inside.

“She’s wrong!” Ricky instantly squeaks. “I don’t even watch normal person! I swear! SHE’S LYING!”

…and he escapes. I doubt this date is happening anymore.

When I get inside, Meta is already sprawled out on the couch. Rapture becomes visible the second I close the door. She begins a long, furious rant that same second.

“Meta! Your work ethics are deplorable! We are under strict orders not to show ourselves to normal humans! You mouth off any human you meet and spend your time smoking and rotting your brain with TV and lazing around and drinking and nothing I say ever gets through to you! Get up! What a fine image you are giving your client!”

Rapture is a lot less angelic when she rants at someone she clearly considers beneath her. That feel-good aura is completely gone and her face contorts in inhuman ways. Her voice also is also slowly losing its melodic qualities and turning more and more shrill every ten seconds. And she talks for many ten seconds. Wow, can she flap her lips! She just keeps going and going and going about the innumerable flaws Meta has, while the object of this rant does nothing to hide her prissiness though she never defends herself, either. Guess she’s used to this, and knows the fastest way to get it over with is not to argue. I may not like her, and maybe I do agree with Rapture on many points, but it’s still overkill to put someone down for almost ten minutes.

“Please calm down, Rapture, I’m sure she got the message.”

Despite this being such a meek protest, she actually turns to face me – her eyes have turned black and her face is considerably more angular and sharp than earlier. She returns back to normal in seconds, like she forgot I was here and tries to pretend she didn’t just chew out her partner. Her huge wings knock off two glasses on my table, which thankfully don’t break, and after some deliberation she decides her visage is angelic enough without the wings. She sheds them by letting the feathers fall of in a dramatic cascade. Fortunately they fall through the floor and don’t just pile up for me to clean up.

“I assume you would like an explanation of the situation?” she asks, and I nod. Behind her back Meta rolls her eyes and drops back on the couch. “Your grandchild will be the second coming of the messiah.”

Messiah? As in, Jesus Christ? And his second coming? Woah, seems Christianity is the only religion. Am I gonna have to give up Allah?

“We will stay here to protect you, to ensure the bloodline keeps going.”

“Have you been protecting me my whole life? But – why would you never show yourselves?”

You’d think protecting me was a little easier if I knew what could happen to me. I could, you know, maybe try and prepare, instead of freezing and trying to fistfight a demon. Plus I probably would have gone to church a lot more often. God likes it when people go to church.

“Oh, no, we were assigned to this task today. Powers are much too conspicuous – before this, a guardian angel was more suited to the task. They are everywhere and have very little power, so they do not attract attention. But now that you have been discovered, Satan will do all in his power to break the bloodline. He will do anything to escape judgment.”

She smiles reassuringly, but suddenly her smile doesn’t captivate me like it just minutes before. Yeah, she’s still super beautiful, but hearing her nag so passionately didn’t exactly earn her points in my book.

“Not to worry, we can take anything the enemy throws at you.”

Right, yeah, I guess I should be worried about my own life, now that she mentioned it.

“So Christianity’s God is the only true god?” I blurt out. Rapture smiles brightly, while Meta vigorously shakes her head behind her back.

“So… is He or isn’t He?”

“Of course He is! What else would He be?” Rapture barks.

“He’s so far from the only one he’s not even a decimal”, Meta comments. Rapture shoots her a truly venomous look, and clearly plans to lecture her some more later.

This is all a bit much to take in… I’m the grandmother of Jesus, and angels can’t agree on whether God is the only god or not, and I’m gonna have to tell mom and dad all this craziness… Oh and my life is gonna be in danger basically 24/7 now.

“Okay guys, I need some alone time. Good night, sorry but I only have that one couch… Try and share it or something.”

Rapture lets out an indignant scoff, but I don’t look at her. I just close the bedroom door and fall on the bed. I should do my evening prayers, but what can I even say tonight? Should I pray to both my Gods, or just one? Should I address one to all the possible deities, since Meta said there’s a whole lot? Would just one shared prayer do or am I gonna have to sit here ‘til I faint from hunger?

Eventually I settle on praying to both God and Allah, as I do every evening. I simply pray for guidance. As predicted, Rapture nags at Meta, but at least she’s doing it quietly, and lets me fall asleep.

--

Crumbs… Crumbs everywhere… Poor sandwiches, can’t be easy going to school when you shed all over the floors and eat yourself for lunch, and Ham can’t even find its cow.

“BLESSED SILENCE!”

I hear a confused groan and it takes a few seconds to realize I’m the one who made it. It’s pitch black in my room.

“Sorry, it got a little too quiet”, Meta explains. I groan again. This is just great, she woke up in the fucking dead of night because it was too quiet? That’s the ideal for night!

At least I fall asleep again reasonably quick.

[sh-lan]

OMFG LAST QUARTER EVER + some spring break stuff???

Took a weekend off of life Retail therapy at its finest today Even though new jeans were overdue

It’s crazy how it still came I guess it’s a force of nature But omg it’s gonna be here on the concert T^T

This nerd would have mitsuha’s theme on his playlist smh #nochu

April 2nd, 2017 BTS Wings Tour I still can’t believe it happened I’ve been awake since 8am lol and it’s like 1:54am and i’m still trying to process and remember everything that happened today It felt like a dream! I can’t believe I saw them in real life. ohmygod Hands down, easily one of the best day of this week - if not this entire year so far holy shit will continue this tomorrow as i reminisce ok but one thing i noticed is that jungkook’s thighs are actually so real like wtf? shookt EDIT: lol i never finished this but oh well

oop i just bought more rings goodbye money

my charger broke gg time to get another one

I have a newfound appreciation for the color pink or more like my appreciation for pink is coming back

When you get anxious because bts hasnt posted on twitter for 3 days but then you also know they’re resting and that they deserve this break

SPRING QUARTER LEGGO tu/th schedule let’s hope this all works well keke

week 1 recap tuesday - sees everybody in freaking AB LOL sees harry after walking out of my tdpw sees alana and dylan outside my global health class which alana is also taking, and becca and tanya lOL goes to cogs 122 to find chen screaming my name - also vania and stella <3 last class is normal - with nobody in management BUT LOL LEIGHTON ADDED THE CLASS ON THURSDAY HAHA there’s also this girl in my tdpw class who looks like lindsay lohan and her name is also lindsey but with an e cause i saw it on the email lol not a stalker

Decided to gel nails it out friday of week 1 whut whut

First attempt at 양념치킨~

been using the soundtrack of your name this past week to get over pcd it’s been a week and i still haven’t recovered T^T

went to kbbq with harry! lol week 1 sunday started at manna….having an adventure in between at manna keke “started here and ending it here?” LOL

currently craving anything strawberry

don’t understand why i need to have my email as a send&receive in order to sms to work on my laptop bb why are you being stubborn when you’ve been working fine all this time

under yuri’s recommendation, i microwaved my coffee because it was lukewarm and she called me extra LOL

i’m getting nervous about a presentation when i shouldn’t be because ?? my AB service leader self is like completely gone i wanna crawl into a hole

i just finished season 2 and 3 of htgawm in less than a week… how they gonna do season 4 i wonder

Week 2 thursday I was actually really looking forward to class today Also my rings came! Though were they worth the $50….not so sure Were they cute? Yes But not as cute as the other one T^T So i mustnt give in to temptations nowww

I found out what matcha powder mom uses to make their matcha latte Cappuccine frappe mix But it’s sadly not on amazon ):

This new tumblr function is really inconvenient cause i cant tell how many thing i have on queue brcause i have to keep switching blogs -_-

Han came to visit! Friday Papa johns Saturday Snooze brunch Infinitea Abeh hangout In n out Sunday Aquarium! Koon thai Ramen yamadaya Boba bar and then i drove him to irvine where we got coco curry! and then i drove back and he bought me milk tea with pudding

Had an epiphany It’s not anenome It’s anemone

Omg but like why dont people call spoiler alerts “spoilerts”

Started 13 reasons why with Han Finished it, tuesday week 3 Hmmm How to feel

finished strong woman park hyung sik is so…adorable? IT’S SO WEIRD. HIS AEGYO LEVEL IS INSANE

When you realize that 둘! 셋! is probably the title of the fan song because that’s what BTS always say when they introduce themselves And that BTS + ARMY forever ㅠㅠㅠㅠ I’m not crying r u crying ;___;

어떻게

Omg when you wake up for reorientation and jungkook does lives <3

highkey need to crawl into a hole tbh

You know what i want to do? Go to an olive garden Even though i know it’ll taste bad lol

Not really sure what i want… But i dont want my 4 years to be a waste ):

i….skipped out on an interview today was it the right choice i may never know

most recent ep of snk got me fucked up SOMEONE TELL ME WHAT YMIR AND CHRISTA’S RELATIONSHIP IS WHO IS CHRISTA

Lol i hella bombed my quiz GOODBYE GONNA P/NP HAHA

Week 4 weekend Fuck me in the ass i twisted my ankle and i am in irvine had to pop an advil and cruise control all the way back thank god there weren’t many cars lol 0/10 do not recommend

Slept on the couch the past two days to elevate my ankle Glad to be back in bed But i think i might be a little…sick? Fuck Need to grocery shop

Dammit i got called for jury duty

Ok but i twisted my ankle and two recruiters emailed me back the next day so was it really a loss

Week 5 i’m sick…

just watched 5 centimeters per second a little sadder than i was an hour ago

fuck i forgot that my jeans are new and i washed it and my pink shirt is ruined fml triggered

thursday after rolling over ma ankle i can finally see that it is a lil swollen and there is bruising LOL also saw an owl at school today and a bunny while leaving to go to meeting

week 5 tuesday saw two bunnies on my way out to school

I just saw two hummingbirds! 😍

I cant believe yuri and i finished twenty SMH

ABCD today Some qualitee photos were taken Im tired now

Really debating the 4th term

third day of back pain flexibility dying wow what is happening???

…..army 4th term is $75 cries EDIT: it’s $66 because i forgot exchange rate but still cri EDIT EDIT: it’s $45 if i ship it to taiwan - seriously really highkey considering that now oh dear

bro i think i just experienced katawaredoki whut

i keep thinking that my ankle is ok but i always end up doing something that ends up hurting it like hella im

Week 6 thursday last leadership meeting one of my favorite meetings because whoa INFORMATION!? it was nice wanted to discuss and add in my two cents but i honestly just wasn’t able to wrap my head around everything loool then…we decided to go to PB LOL chen, jeong, yuri, justin and his friends (including nicole, nicole, sandy) and then more people. we also met leslie, brett, dexter, allison, kenny, peter, abby, ben…and more? at pb lolol and also we saw miguel and anthony - it was like a freshman year flashback tbh lOL went to vallartas after and then came home to shower and finally sleep at 3:30am wot is life NEXT DAY ADVENTURES - leighton and i finally pulled out the weeds and now we’re tired

salty that i wasnt invited to the birthday celebration, not that i would really make the trip per say but wtf gurl

I just had this really sad thought that i’m probably never gonna ever get to know bts like friends y i do dis to meself

Wait so like i got sick while at clew’s and it didnt happen until week 5 and so i was sick from week 5 through week 6 and at this one point i couldnt taste my food it was terribad

May 12th I bought the membership LOL Hopefully it mails it correctly back to Taiwan ☺️

im dumb i didn’t save the color i wanted for my hair

omg the song vania recommended to me a few days ago was recommended by jungkook like a year or so ago on twitter lOOOOL

Just tryna level up here :<

Struggles when places are in the east coast and phone calls are early in the fckin morning

Note to self: Ridge cut potato chips with sea salt is good for stuff with dip Ridge cut salt and pepper is good for regular eating, but gets salty at the bottom LOL EDIT: per vania’s suggestion, i salted and peppered my chips

watching jungkook’s vlive AND HE JUST HARMONIZED WITH HIMSELF IM DED

Just woke up from a dream where someone hurt my brother/nade him fall and i was so angry? Was about to go ape shit on that person im ded lol who is rhis angry me

Rewatched and finished reply 1997 Wow what is life when yoon jae is life But also what is life when your idols are life Daily reminder to not be as obsessed as shiwon LOLOL

i can’t go to giraffage and elephante anymore im on the otherhand i get to go to virginia???

lol but like i haven’t been writing drafts because i often write in my notebook now but here are some updates - my nails are constantly chipping - forgot about grad photos that clashed with the weekend han is coming - im ded because i probs won’t have a weekend to myself until week 10 - struggles to figure out graduation things - paid my $54 to walk #mostexpensivewalkever

LAST LEADERSHIP MEETING (turnover) what am i going to do with my thursday nights now? it’s been a good run

Jealous of the staff that holds and records the camera during vlives? LOL who am i

When you forget that jeon jungkook did taekwondo before Hnnnngh

i just reaffirmed? or discovered? that i don’t like fruity pebbles o_o

Trying to think of a thing to put on my grad cap Tis hard Let’s make a list: 花樣年華 Strong power thank you You never walk alone Ireumeun deborah LOL Lol omg but why is yoongi’s “cheater never win but i just graduated” quote so appropriate for grad EXTRA + ORDINARY* Lost my way/found my way* Click clack to the bang Smile with me, cry with me, fly with me (you make me begin, you made me again) Ctrl+c, ctrl+v do you know “____” (hci? annyeonghasaeyo) To lose your path, Is the way to find that path* 꽃길만 걷자* Let’s fly with our beautiful wings in 2017 EDIT: i’m too lazy, i didn’t do anything to my cap lOL

Im shookt cause namjoon doesnt say 이제 feelin the vibe. HE SAYS IF YOU FEELIN THE VIBE. I feel…betrayed

Non whitewashed bangtan gives me life

May 21st My first haircut since… Since i got it cut over the summer?????

Bought me stole and tassel today Smh that i cant grab my muir tickets?? Cause i ordered all commencwment tickets SMH

Lowkey afraid of not passing mgt LOL

Omfg i knew we were going to have a pop quiz. It really happened

nicole and evelyn commented that they liked my hair and audrey and malia agreed i gotta say i’m so glad people remember me in my tdpw class LOOL

Cant get the seventeen song outta my head Shookt by the choreography

Y'all im so fckin shookt First the chainsmokers post on twitter like “see you in the summer” Then they win the BBMAs like a boss Then you see them on halsey + steve aoki’s snapchat Next things you know steve aoki is postin shit like “BTS x AOKI COMING SOON” Im SCREAMING

Yo my lyft driver dropped some knowledge again and told me his life story lmao he was a police officer in chicago and he was forced to retired and then ?? after chasing down a rapist and getting into a fight, he was seriously injured. but his dad (a judge or someone powerful idk) forced him out of retirement by telling everyone to not give him his benefits and shit and i was like. whoa bro. slow down? “embrace the unknown”

I finally tried the coconut black tie at peet’s 10/10 a mistake

Okay but can we talk about how on point everybody looked in the comeback Esp wonwoo and dk But also vernon 👌🏼

First time in virginia/ being so close to washington dc! Whoa Also gonna pass by texas too :O Knocking some states off my list

I WITNESSED MY FIRST CIRCLE RAINBOW THINGY ON THE PLANE FROM VIRGINIA TO DALLAS TODAY HOLY IT WAS V COOL

i don’t know why i never realized this about myself before but i need to be/live by a body of water at all times or i won’t feel comfortable this is weird

i told han i joined the fanclub and he like died for like 2 seconds lOL

ok but like i bought a carton of eggs and 6 or 7 of them were double yolks and i have 2 more eggs left im starting to think i’m eating some weird hybrid chickens EDIT: those last two eggs were both double yolks. this was a wild adventure

omg i knew that the TA MOST LIKELY RYAN WOULDNT UNDERSTAND OUR IDEA JUST LIKE HOW HE ALWAYS MISINTERPRETS THEM??? like what kind of constructive feedback is that if he doesn’t understand what we’re trying to do im… sigh

Already excited about the festa But like omfg they released the schedule today And just WE DONT TALK ANYMORE PT 2?? SO FAR AWAY FEATURING JIN AND JUNGKOOK? Im IM SCREAMING also sad but the radio show is right before my finals gotta prioritize, no bts fo me ;__;

after waiting two weeks, my application to get leveled up was rejected *cries* time to try again! *^*

okay but really feeling seventeen’s song as well as suran’s song like hIGHKEY

i finally got my commencement tickets the third time that i went to the bookstore third time’s the charm right? also whytf is the parking pass for all campus commencement so huge -_-

hnngh omg that feel when you have hella shit to do TPDW1 final play due week 9 friday because we won’t have class at all on week 10 then there’s the presentation (elevator pitch) that happened today week 9 thursday but also just hauling ass on things for A5 tbh what is this what is everything wot is the meaning of life when vania and i stay up till 3:30am lol… and then there’s me. tired af but didn’t sleep til 4:30 anyways cause i’m a dumbass l e l let’s not be a potato this last week k?

burger king in pc has its own free wifi called WhopperWifi and it’s so much faster than school wifi this is revolutionary

week 9 weekend to irvine irritated on the way over irritated on the way back lol wot is life i should’ve just turned around to go back home

NO TDPW1 WEEK 10 WOOT wow that means i won’t have class until 2pm whoa

“why are you reading math formulas” - yuri i was actually reading bts profiles lOLOL she just dissed their handwritings

Just spent the past hour or so looking at kakao friends merchandise And discovering that apeach is a genetically modified peach lol

that moment when you ask for a png file but get a jpg

dyed my hurr twice today for a darker shade still not what i was going for but this will do for now

Omfg i slept through my alarm until 1pm Goodbye study time?? Also omg i like it pt 2 video SHIT SHIT SHIT THEY KNOW WE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS. HAD IT SINCE BAEPSAE DAYS. BUT DIDNT RELEASE IT. Freakin bighit

My request to level up on the fancafe has once again been rejected ); EDIT: oMFG IT’S BECAUSE I DIDN’T CHANGE THE SETTING TO SOMETHING im screaming, what a first world problem THIRD TIME’S THE CHARM AMIRITE

Doesnt feel like it… But thursday was my last time going to class…pretty much like ever unless i go to more school Holy shit

Oh man I didnt think i’d have THAT much shit. But…i think i have A LOT of shit….

saw bts MBIT and i was like omfg! knew that i was INFJ but took the test again yesterday and ended up INFP….but just barely P so i think i’ll stick with INFJ lol EDIT: i took the test again today because vania and yuri were talking about it again and i am still INFP…and more P this time. SO LOST. WHO AM I

put my things up for sale i forgot that i might need my light el oh el crying on the inside cause i want to keep my desk but then i’m selling it off because i don’t think i’ll have space for it and i just CRYING ON THE INSIDE BECAUSE IT’S BEEN WITH ME FOR SO LONG T^T

ON ANOTHER NOTE. THIRD TIME IS THE CHARM LEVELED UP ON JUNE 12TH AT ONE SOMETHING AM

JUNE 12TH FINISHED MY FIRST AND LAST FINAL I AM OFFICIALLY DONE WITH MY UNDERGRADUATE CAREER??? also lmao i spent 45 min on the final wot

i dyed my hair darker but now it’s become lighter? wait wtf wait no go back EDIT: wait no it went back to being dark? is this a thing? when i get exposed to the sun it gets lighter and when i sleep it gets darker??? smh at light for fckin with me

so i set an alarm to watch the bts home party last night for like 3:57am and i didn’t hear it but i guess i kinda did cause i woke up at 4:05am and was like ??? i decided to watch a bit of it but ended up streaming the whole thing until 5:45am looooool also watched the numbers grow from the 500,000 all the way to 2,000,000 and then 3,000,000? it was nuts

omfg all these years of rereading chapters and only now do i realize that i could save bookmarks on mangahere *slaps forehead*

Moment of silence cause i sold my desk that’s accompanied me for almost 10 years It even has battlescars (aka X marks by Jacky, 3 of them) LOL memories ;___; Oh and i guess my chair too

lol was gonna sell that yamaha guitar for $45 but it’s going for like $190 on ebay?? so ima just bring it home

finals week hangout list: tuesday: fud with kimberly, peyton, harry wednesday: more fud with stephanie and ellius thursday: KBBQ FOR LUNCH with jeong, justin, yuri, harry LOOOOL

and so...that’s the end of the quarter. my last quarter of school ever (unless i decide to go to more school...which seems unlikely as of right now) it feels weird.................................. but! onto graduation~ looking forward to being reunited with family and whatever’s gonna hit me in the face LOL

and with that goodbye undergrad, hello world ㅇㅅㅇ