#so if u want them we have to deal w them as they are
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as for the rest of the ep…
Chalynn truthers we won. we fucking won 🍾🍾🍾
Lois trying to talk Ned into making peace w/ Michael and Drew sounds REAL funny knowing that drew and Michael r still planning on pushing him out of ELQ again. fuck those two forever actually, y’all can make peace in hell
speaking of drewfus, I wish I could be glad he’s leaving but it’s not for very long and crew is gonna be annoying abt it I’m sure. this version of drew is such a shell of himself that anytime hes brought up I just feel disgusted 😖
I’m getting tired of Sonny bringing up Carly when talking to nina it just feels WEIRD… I really don’t wanna see a Carson reunion but it’s starting to feel like the pikeman/cyrus bs might end up being the catalyst for one… sonaritas should we be worried. 😟
also Tolly agreeing to use krissy as the surrogate… wasn’t there literally a whole argument against doing this months back that resulted in tolly icing krissy out for several weeks…? once again I must assert this whole surrogate storyline is a load of barnacles
#pentababbles#general hospital#I’m happy abt the proposal :) but I also feel like they kinda did this so they could be married b4 Gregory croaks#still! taking my wins where I can! their scenes today were sweet and I liked it 👍#i know ned has beef w/ nina over the SEC thing but. once he finds out Michael knew and STILL tried to push him out of ELQ#nina should be the least of his worries. since let’s face it drew earned that prison sentence 😅 and it’s not a crime to report a crime!#the bensons r just mad they had to face even the mildest of consequences for their actions tbh#drew goin to Australia tho like. take joss and Carly w/ u I don’t wanna see them again either#have joss spend time w/ her Aussie father or something I just can’t take her anymore#also the fact that he’s leaving for Christmas so Michael doesn’t have to… bro I hate him so much#bro you just got out of PRISON how about you spend time with your DAUGHTER that you PROMISED to be there for you ASSHOLE#and with drew going away… PLEASE I don’t want a Carson retread please please please#like I find crew annoying and meaningless but at least they’re over in their own corner. but I was actually starting to like Sonny#a Carson retread is just gonna make him suck again 😞#cannot stand the surrogate storyline and tolly is nothing to me anymore but w/e I can deal with it.#however if they really are setting up the surrogate arc to be an angst backdrop for kraze… burned-lariat go get them royalty checks I stg 🤣#but yea that’s my thoughts! story feels discombobulated as ever but we soldier on iguess
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they should invent a grief thats uncomplicated and purely cathartic to experience. has anyone thought of this before
#cw death#not to be ungrateful that when i get tired of 'feeling guilty abt putting off ur trip to go see family until the summer bc u didn't want to#have to deal w international travel over winter break and now ur grandma who u haven't seen in 8 years is dead' i can distract myself with#'being furious that your family wasn't going to tell u she died until u came home for the summer' or 'giving urself a headache abt whether#you're even allowed to be upset that she died when u grew up hearing stories abt how horrible she was to ur mom' or#'being irrationally and unfairly jealous that your dad has multiple siblings who could all take turns checking in on her and sitting with#her in the hospital bc u definitely will not get that when ur parents die' or 'getting paranoid abt how ur OTHER set of grandparents#might die and/or go fully blind before u get to see them (also for the first time in 8 years) this summer'#like. not to be ungrateful to have so much enrichment to choose from in my enclosure#but have we considered just like.....being sad. and that's it.#lmao literally as i was writing this my mom texted me 'it's already happened just move on' so BACK TO SQUARE ONE!#anyways like it's fine lol. we (obviously) were not close. and also she was a full 98 years old lmao like it was her time.#but also truly. what goes on lol
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experimental husk doodle ♥️🎩
#hazbin hotel#husk hazbin hotel#husk#hazbin hotel husk#summerskwtch art#i have mixed feelings abt his redesign tbh#ik he was never gonna have a beer gut (gotta keep up viv’s on-brand ‘every character’s skinny bc artstyle’ thing) but still 😔#the promo image itself only shows his upper half#so like- we have no clue what the deal is w/ his pants n tail#but from what we did see i just.. rly don’t like the new colors they used#the gray sclerae/yellow irises were just rly unpleasant to look at paired with the rest of him imo#plus his brown sclerae just gave him such a nice warm look :(#rly sad they got rid of them#i mean at least his wings r simpler#tho smth i hoped they wouldn’t do was take out the card symbols to only replace them with a DIFFERENT pattern#like just take out the pattern at that point i’m begging u 😭#also u know the little heart in his ear is gonna change sizes in every single shot good lord#but yea uhh i think that’s all. i’m sure he’ll look better animated but i rly wanted to like his updated look :(
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the way my heart sank . lol
#tried to get on a call to study w my gf bc weve both been avoiding stuff we Have to do and its been making us anxious#but esp her bc shes been in this cycle for a while and shes struggling w it a lot . and i love her and i want the best for her#and all my friends r like u should push each other to do better even if its uncomfortable somewhat and i agree#so we were like. yh lets do stuff / get on our work tmrw even tho its anxiety-inducing etc...and then we got on a call#and this is the most like. bored/displeased ive ever heard her sound like she seemed extremely disinterested and even mildly irritated#and it honestly shocked me ??? so i ended the call bc i need to do work and it was making me sad#and im trying to listen to words more than tone but it was so extreme and such a sudden change that it literally wasnt good for me . im so#confused rn . like ik facing tasks youve been avoiding for months causes anxiety ik theres like a mental block around it that makes u not#want to deal w it or become irritated at ppl who suggest that you should#but omg?? it was so weird and like. when i said she was making me sad so i wanted to end the call she was like. ok 😐#which is a fair response ig but shes never responded to me that way b4...like what is this what is happening...#i want smn who encourages me to move forward and who appreciated that i want them to do the same#instead of staying stagnant and anxious for months. i talked abt this before on here and everyone collectively was like Be More Patient and#work through it w her etc etc (my friends said the exact opposite tho) and i have been Trying To but its making me feel actively . bad.#like. im Afraid.#to bring it up . and then when i finally did say yh lets do smth lets get thru this tgth she just shut down on me somehow#idk what else i can do#i will talk to her abt it later i just need to work rn. i had to get this out of my system first.#shes so sweet and wonderful and supportive usually. but when it comes to thsi topic. im rly shocked idk#i knew she felt bad abt it but i thought she agreed to move through it w me and i didnt expect her to direct it at me#like whatever i said shed give me the coldest ok 😐. like. again nothing inherently wrong w that but when contrasted w#the way she talks to me usually there IS smth wrong it . its jarring and uncomfortable and made me rly upset bc it felt like she was mad at#me for trying to help . idk#UGH whatever ill talk 2 her later i have to do this lecture itll help distract me
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as a certified Aromantic Asexual (I should make myself a certificate) I genuinely don't Believe there is systemic oppression that specifically targets Aromantic or Asexual people.
I do however believe that people Cannot be normal about ppl who don't have sex or romantic relationships, and that can Really Impact Aromantic And Asexual People.
Also like. Aros n aces are still. Experiences Other forms of oppression that can interact with the aro and/or ace-ness
#Like. Woman doesn't get married. Maybe aro maybe illegal for her to marry who she wants maybe no fuckin reason. She's probably gonna get#Some shit for it but that's primarily misogyny. While it does affect aro ppl disproportionately bc. Yeah. It's not based on them being#Aro it's a conicindental intersection. Also can y'all be normal about sex and virgins#Anyway slightly related dreaming of a world in which it was better acknowledged that sex repulsion while common for ace ppl#Was not synonymous w being ace so we avoided the ace discord phenomenon that a bunch of gay/lesbian/bi ppl mis identified as ace#Bc they couldn't deal w the idea of having sex w a person of the same gender#With the idea of actually having sex bc it was treated as gross (sex repulsion as a result of society) or that trauma survivors#Misidentified as ace bc they had issues w sex bc trauma. Also that sex repulsion wasnt like an identity but rather a Symptom that could be#Either a problem or neutral. Who else's brain was boiled by ace and also inclus/exclus discord and came out thinking everyone was fucking#Stupid. Like both sides had Points but it was mostly just bullshit and no one fucking talking. Also ppl kept talking about ace ppl#''stealing resources'' and multiple ppl joked Abt that which is a problem bc that means. A BUNCH OF LGBT PPL DIDNT UNDERSTAND WHAT RESOURCE#THEY HAD (anyway looking back on it. Idk if ace ppl were even taking up resources or anything like the common example was LGBT shelters#Bc like if u were gay u might be kicked out of a normal shelter but if u were ace u would probably not get kicked out so if an ace person#Went to an LGBT shelter then they might've taken a bed from someone who needed it more which. I guess is theoretically possible but also id#If that ever fucking. Was something to actually give a shit Abt. Correct me if I'm wrong)#ALSO the idea of ''all gay ppl should go to hell'' ''oh do bi ppl only half go to hell?'' sure thats probably a problem but also. A LOT OF#THOSE WERE EVERYONE DOING IT INCLUDING GAY PPL? LIKE THE FUCKING ''ALL GAY PPL SHOULD BE ON AN ISLAND AND THE POPULATION AUFNFJNSAJ''#like does anyone else remember that. Everyone was making those stupid fucking jokes. This is just a rant Abt me being on Tumblr without an#Account for years and the psychic damage I've accrued. Anyway fuck AO3 goodbye
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actually went really well with my friend :))
#We Fr just painted each others nails n talked#also shared music n she’s so real#she’s like yeah I know it’s kinda cringe but I like emo n mcr is my fav band#n I was like actually I love them n u have amazing music taste#also she posted pics of us on her insta when we saw the fnaf movie last week n there were multiple ppl I used to be friends w asking abt me#Like one guy who was one of my best friends#n my bestie commented on it I forgot what but it was nice#Almost makes me sad I can’t have an insta#like ppl remember me n miss me ???#bffr I feel like everyone hated me in middle school#But ppl actually remember me positively n want to talk to me ??🥹#n then I remember I’m a crazy mentally I’ll bitch that can’t regulate emotions n I know most ppl wouldn’t be able to deal with me anymore#but like I have so many things wrong with me I can’t function consistently#Like I’m constantly anxious n have depression#I have an ed n a self harm addiction#for fucks sake I’ve tried to kill myself#wow now I’m spiraling#Lmao that was just a lot for me#screaming
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kinda came out (?????????) to an old middle school friend i dont really keep up with much i dont know if that was wise
#i think. unwise#but idk !!!!!!! theyre like the only queer person i know irl 😭 so in my mind i'd be safe with them ....#also i dont think it was that shocking shdjdk we always freaked out about girls love shit in middle school & i rejected their male friend#without really giving a real (lol) reason bc haha i am straight right !!!!!!! (no)#i want to trust them to not tell bc thats common decency right . as a queer person themselves ...#anyw i didnt come out super formally it was kinda in passing and they were cool with it !!! dont wanna make a big deal out of it 😭#but as u can see it IS a big deal as im shaking crying throwing up writing this tumblr post .#i joke ab it everyday w my sisters . my best friends could maybe have an inkling ??? think theyd be cool w it#my parents would KILL me. i know it 😭 all my extended family would think bad of me sjdkd esp my sweet grandma who raised me :(((((#at this point i just . wanted solidarity bc theres . no one around me that im friends with so !!!!!!! it just . came out :/#yeah.... yeah#izza💭#maybe i'll delete this :///
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sigh i think my sister is being infected by the learned helplessness shit of twitter & tiktok
#had a disagreement just now that’s really bugging me#she likes blended up ice and always asks me to make it for her and i always do#but this time i didn’t feel like it so i was like no you can go do it urself#because it is just. putting ice in a blender#and then it took her forever and when i came over she complained about me not telling her how to make it ig? idk#she had too much ice in the thing. which i should have told her but i assumed she knew already#bc she was like man now i have to eat this so i can blend the stuff at the bottom & i was like lol ok#so i go to wait for her in the living room bc we were going to watch community and i sit down at my normal seat on the couch#which is where i ALWAYS sit when she’s not in the room#but when she is in the room she always gets there first and takes that seat which i hate but i’ve never brought it up#i’ve kind of always seen it as a good way to practice coping with minor changes in routine#so she comes in the room and gets all upset bc i took her seat and she wants to sit there#and i’m trying to explain this is also MY seat and i want to sit here tonight bc i finally got here first and i always have to sit elsewhere#and she just won’t budge and starts lamenting about how i didn’t tell her how to make the blended ice and she’s all stressed about it#and i was like okay dude look i want this seat. this is a good opportunity to learn how to deal with changes and stress.#so u can sit wherever else and we can chill and watch community#and she was like that’s not how my mind works and i was like girl it HAS to work that way bc u will not fare well in the real world#bc like i know she CAN cope with these things#so i was trying to be like look u gotta learn to use coping skills in a safe environment w minor changes so u can apply them#bc i wanted that seat & hey learning opportunity#and she was like now you’re patronizing me and i was like girl i am literally not trying to im just explaining#i hate being misconstrued like that when i’m just trying to explain something#idk man. i think i was somewhat in the wrong for pushing. but i ALSO hate changes and wanted that seat for ONCE!!#maybe tonight just wasn’t the night but she does this kind of thing often#so many ‘i cant’s… TRY it’s OKAY you can make mistakes you can always try again you HAVE to push yourself#idkkk man#really bugged me that she was literally leaving the room like nvm were not watching community anymore over this#bc watching things with people is like my primary bonding strat#so here i was all ready to have quality time and now this whole thing is being blown out of proportion ughhh it just irritates me sm#if you have a ‘well actually’ about this i’ve already thought of it i know i knowww im just irritatedly ranting
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now one cares if ur mom loves you soooo muc and u love her soooo much and ur omg arent mothers soo great always bs. shut up !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
#(BEING VERY PETTY BC MINE SUCKS SO FUCKING MUCH)#but also if i have to see the post bieng like 'oohh imagine sweet nothing with how your mother always loves u unconditionly' everywere#(which good 4 u stop acting like thats the universal experience for everyone it fucking isnt)#then you all have to deal with me platonic-fing it and making it abt friendship. sucks to suck loser !!!!#like what if the soul deconstructers *are* my parents in my experience. what then bitch !!#sorry im rly just annoyed abt that one post bc i feel like theres an obsession among swifties to only every understand each song in a way#that like. does or cld fit within her life instead of relating it to ur own experince esp in regards to them all being abt romance#like ppl being like 'i cant believe ppl think x song cld count as a platonic love song when its obvs abt romancce'#or not understanding how the emotions expressed in a song abt a traumatic break up could also be related to other trauma#including trauma inflicted by a parent/friend/ any other relation someone cld have to someone#but the one time !! relating one of her songs to smth other than roamnce is acceptable to swifties its the stupid fucking#'ohh my mom is soo great shes the best' bs thats a sure fire sign the person saying it will never take anyone whos been mistreated#by the parents serious and just respond w 'but its ur momm u have to love her bc shes ur mommm :((((('#sorry ik im being needlessly bitter which sucks bc i have a a good point here like can we just let ppl relate to songs in whatever way they#want to and not care abt their being a 'defnitive' meaning to the song bc the whole point of art esp music is how YOU relate to it#also like. that post isnt bad at all its acutally completely fine im just bieng dumb and projecting ig bc i feel like the emotions of ppl#whos parents were good to them r always taken more seriously like. if i made a post talking abt relating the 'give me back my girlhood' lin#to my experince w my shitty parents i feel like it wldnt be taken as seriously as this 'uwu i love my momm' bs yk. anyway maybe im wrong !!#who knows !!!!! maybe i shld try to talk abt how i relate her songs to my personal experinces more#also i am being rly dumb sm bc ik other ppl have spoken abt relating her songs (esp mtr and tolerate it) to shitty parnets but iv also seen#ppl treat that like its dumb which is stupid !!!!! who cares !!!! ur being a dick let ppl relate music to whatever experiences they want !!#anyway. i think i seem more pissed her than i actually am im just annoyed bc this is a pet peeve of mine lol#flappy rambles
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time to make some online purchases and not be nervous about it at all not even a little bit
#im very financially responsible except with giving others money#like every time i see a homeless person i give them at least $10 and my parents r always mad about it#and every time i go out w my friends i pay for everything#which isn't bad per se but like#i need to save about $10k for medical transition and i would like to have#a safety net of more savings in case things go south with my parents before i can graduate college n get my own income#also now that i have my own money i need to learn to spend it when i need to buy smth#i have a budget of saving 90% spending 10% for my summer job#but 10% is like $300!! thats $300 that could go towards top surgery...#idk. i just wish these savings were for like.. a fun trip or a car or just a rainy day#instead i need to save every cent i make for the next four years just to have what cis people r born with#sucks. -_-.#the aversion to spending money is mostly just cos#we're middle upper class ish now but both my parents grew up real poor#like no ac in the florida summer get a job at 14 if u want food on the table poor. everything but homeless p much#tho my dad was homeless in college for a bit#so. they're very frugal even tho we make a lot of money#just gotta get the cheapest of everything no frivolous spending go to 6 grocery stores for the best deals n haggle with me over jeans#not necessarily a bad thing tho id argue why make that much money if u don't ever wanna spend it#cos its not going towards a mansion or new cars n shit we have like. a normal house n very old car#it's all just retirement savingd#savings.#which is all well n good but like#dont u wanna live a bit happier before age 65 too? i mean r u gonna wait your whole life to use that money on ur happiness?#idk. anyway.#my money is going towards Not Killing Myself From Dysphoria rn. so.#but i wish i could stop begrudging myself for buying stuff even when its well within my budget#literally beating myself up for buying a fucking belt rn
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went to a party and all my college friends were there and all of them were so excited to see me and their energy was so amazing i didn't realize how much i missed them . feeling so Loved and Seen and Wanted like this is love this is love this is love like life is so great again actually
#im so happy man#im so so so so so so fucking happy#life is literally so good and i love my friends and life is just so good. it is so good.#like they made me feel so loved and seen and valued and i felt like i coukd be myself again after 2 months of not seeing them#and one of the people there we got to talking and they wanted sushi so i was like do u wanna go get some#but kroger was closed so he decided he just wanted waffle house so we just spontaneously drove to waffle house#and we got everyone food and went through one of those questionnaires to get to know each other better to pass the time#and we got to talking and we're so similar#and then before we went back in we were like we shoulf make out so we tried but he was bad at kissing#like he said he was rly shy to get intimate but he wanted to make out w me bc im hot but he was shy so he was holding back#so then i was like oh we dont have to and then i gave him a lil peck and we went back in and gave good to everyone#and then i left and i blasted my most personal playlist on the way homr w the windows down#and just thought about how good life is and its so good im so grateful to be alive right now#and im so grateful for having friends like this#and also hes a few months younger than me😈😈😈😈😈 im a cougar core#but yea older me would have been so embarassrd bc the kiss was Not going well but now i just brushed it off#like it's a bad kiss . it's not big deal#and he kept overthinking and i was trying to like comfort him but yea he was so shy it was cute#but i wanted to kiss someone at this party and i did ! manifestation core#anyways life is so good right noe and i love being unconditionally loved and everything is so good and i love myself so much#like i need to keep these people close to me bc they make me feel so fucking hapoy man#dear god#life is good life is great everything is so amazing and cool and awesome#:)#and also he was so hot lowkey like his face structure is so unique and he dresses so fucking cool but hes so shy and#overthinks everything like his personality does NOT match his looks but hes cute . hehe
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I used to have a really giant family like tons of tias and tios and cousins and i say used to cause like it seems like after my grandparents died on both sides both families seemed to never speak again and i had no chance to even try and keep hold of those ties i was in elementary school watching my parents marriage crash and burn in real time dealing with major death in the family and then subsequent family abandoning me at the tender age of 11. Hell my brothers were older and jumped ship it was just me and the horrors
#my moms dad and my dads mom were like the heads of their families and they both died really close to each other#but my grandma and a tio on my moms side died within 3 days of each other after being in hospice literally 3 doors away from each other#for months and my parents both took the roles of like taking care of everything and being the descision makers cause no one else would#which im sure was super traumatizing in everyway possible but their siblings both seemed to resent them in ways#when they didnt want to be those people but had to be and they arent even the oldest siblings they are both like 3rd youngest#but like it just ruined the families and me and mom and my dad were all at the hospital or hospice center for months#we were there every day and night i remember it so much i can get anywhere in any hospital in my town using the stairwells#like i knew them that well#it also likely ruined my parents marriage which was bumpy before the intense major tragedy#which like yaknow what fair it was a lot to deal with ontop of like trying to crawl ur way out of the recession#but after all was said and done i talk to no one on my dads side i bearly talk to my older brother#and i talk to like my nina and two tias on my moms side and occassionally a few cousins#when theyre arent being fucking insane and unhinged#idk i loved having a huge family the like going to 5 houses on christmas type#going to birthdays or weddings and seeing everyone taking at least 45 mins to say bye to everyone#and now its gone and i wont ever get it back#and its by no fault of my own cause i was literally 11 and every adult decided i was gonna pay the price too#like i think abt when i get married its not gonna be what i thought itd be or when i get my first movie in theatres#im not gonna have the major family celebration ill have all my friends which im so greafull for#but its not the same yaknow#and id love to have that relatiomship with my family again but like where do u start when its been over 10+ years#like they remember 11 year old me if they remember me#and thats part of the problem#like on my moms side specifically i have some family who acts like theyve never met me before when i used to see them every weekend#and it was a major failing on my part as an 11 year old for not keeping in touch even tho we did my mom calls everyone and she tried#but people didnt want to return it#and as for my dads side its the same and if it was a moral failing for me as an 11 yr old to not reach out and they didnt like my mom much#my grandma fucking loved her but the rest of the family didnt and like i lived w my mom and was fucking 11 i couldnt go anhwhere by myself#and i didnt like not being places without a parent and i hated sleepovers i refused and they took it so personal#and they stopped talking to my dad and bad mouthed him and still do nd ill never allow that around me my dad isnt perfect but hes a good man
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