#so just the thought of working a typical job gives me anticipatory burnout | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

edwardshundredyearoldspunk · 1 year

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on this first day of disability pride month I had 1) a very embarrassing (but thankfully, private) meltdown, 2) an even more embarrassing conversation where I tried to address the cause of said meltdown to my mother but just ended up getting stonewalled, and finally 3) was told yet again that I'm “looking for drama” because “it's not a big deal” (because to her it isn't) and “if you behave like a child I'm going to treat you like a child”. cool.

#autism #i really want to move out and honestly probably cut off my mom at least for a while because she is #the most invalidating force in my life right now and i try to understand her and I try to be a good communicator #but she very obviously does not and in fact is notoriously bad at communicating #so i just end up feeling like I'm making stuff up to stir the pot #but i can't move out because i need a job but the last job i had gave me such burnout that it took me years to recover #so just the thought of working a typical job gives me anticipatory burnout #and paperwork of any kind is super hard for me so i struggle to even apply to anything #and I can't even use the word autism to describe my experiences because then my mom automatically shuts down #and ignores everything i say #so I'm trapped in a living situation where I'm made to feel like a failure and lazy for being unable to leave #but then when i ask for help I'm told i should be able to do it on my own #anyways does that sound like a disability or am i just a bad person? because more often than not i just think I'm a bad person #at least i have the cats and some cake i made yesterday

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