#so normal abt that woman guh

[anonymocha]

livestream soon

[nerves-nebula]

Thinking abt alternate time line Leo

Abt how the abuse became so much worse after the others got away

Or maybe just more noticeable?

Reminds me of how I thought I wasn’t neglected, just poor, until I was the last one left. Half my siblings ran away, the other moved for school. My parents had gotten promotions, raises and even better jobs since when I was little. I didn’t ask for much, aside from having a part time job by then I also just never asked for stuff, wanted or needed. Yet we were suddenly running out of food in our fridge, suddenly they weren’t paying for the one field trip they always set aside money for, suddenly I was getting a winter coat as my only Christmas present instead of as a necessary expense at the beginning of winter since I didn’t have one

We couldn’t see the neglect bc the worst of it was mitigated by our siblings. But when they were gone and things should’ve gotten better (by our parent’s logic) it got so much worse

I didn’t ask for much so I got nothing

Leo followed the rules so he got broken

I didn’t ask for much so I got nothing

um ow haha same ow ow ow. so like why would u do this to me.

no but fr. I ALSO learned that being quiet and obedient and trying to make ur parents lives easier by not being a burden is how you get NOTHING EVER and grow BITTER about it and end up so severely emotionally neglected that no normal relationship ever feels like enough. but then again im young so, there's still time. no need to be defeatist about it i suppose!

but yeah idk it's like. guh. idk. it's not exactly the same on my end but it was always weird that even once she had less and less kids to support things never seemed to get better around our house, like, physically. even though mom worked just as much as always. i thought it was cuz of like The Economy and Money Being Hard but now im not so sure.

and it certainly was strange that despite there being half as many kids at home she didn't make any more of an effort to like. spend time with the ones who still had, heff.

then again this is a woman who's so uninterested in her kids lives outside of what they can do for her, that she just kind of let one of her kids be homeless for a few years. she also doesn't know where I live (this was intentional on my part) but she isn't really concerned about that??? at most she's annoyed I don't want her knowing where I RESIDE. but it's not like parental concern hah, it's like, indigence that I won't reveal my location to her.

ok now i'm rambling, this is making me feel things :')