#so sad that instead of discord fun it’s now me going through my drafts

[macadam]

This blog peaked in April of 2022

[selfdistancing]

hey y’all,  the funny thing about indie is that i feel like when people disappear for a few days or ‘slack’ on their replies/interactions they always feel obligated to say sorry. every time people come back and make a post, they have awesome mutuals who say things like “omg! it’s fine! you need to focus on yourself”, but i still feel obligated to say it. so ... sorry! but ... i am really struggling right now. i thought that each day would get easier and i would get better, but that is not the case. instead, i seem to be regressing and falling back into patterns that are not good for my mental or physical health. i am really lucky to have people in the rpc who have been building me up and letting me vaguely vent and cry (like literally letting me cry until i fall asleep? can you believe that? there are actual saints here. can you believe that i am literally a sad sack of emotions? no one is shocked.)  with that being said, i have no idea when i am going to be willing to log on and do the stack of replies that have piled up in my drafts. i have no motivation to do them. i have no desire to be on here. i really don’t have the energy to do much of anything anymore. i say this because i don’t want anyone to feel like i’ve been ignoring them or blowing off the plots and ships that we were so excited to write. i feel like a total jerk for not being able to follow through right now. i’m so sorry. if anyone wants to stay connected, i have discord on my phone and am always willing to talk about life or fun things (like dogs)? or even play silly games to pass the time? especially during this quarantine. please IM me so i can give you my discord tag if you want it. i’m always open to making new friends! i also welcome any and all advice that you might have when it comes to dealing with loss, grief, and/or heartbreak. i have no idea what i am doing, as i have never been through something like this before, and i am willing to listen to any suggestions that anyone has to make. i really hope you all understand. lastly, and this is for a very ... niche ... group. but if anyone lives near sydney, australia and has like? a younger sibling? or family member? or child? (idk) and doesn’t have anything to do on tuesday, july 7th 2020 ... and wants to go see frozen live (I SAID IT WAS A VERY SPECIFIC GROUP), then please reach out. i have 3 tickets that ticketmaster refuses to let me return because i didn’t buy the fucking ticket insurance and it has yet to get cancelled (due to covid-19). i will take ANY amount of money for them at this point. i just don’t really want them to go to waste if they still end up letting people go to it! i can’t say thank you enough to everyone who has been keeping my head above water. you’re all my little floaties. sydney

[gamerwoo]

Baekhyun: Persona (part 19: somebody knows i’m ar3um)

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Summary: Rising Twitch streamer, Baekhyun has a massive crush on a popular Twitch streamer who goes by the name “ar3um”. You never knew Baekhyun even existed until a few odd turn of events that led you to get closer with him until you can’t help but fall for his own charm. There are only two problems: Baekhyun has his heart set on someone else, and he doesn’t know that you, his friend’s reclusive roommate, is actually the faceless girl he’s falling for.

a/n: so I took a break for a week because despite updating everyday, people were still nagging me for updates. so basically don’t ask me for updates because I’m doing things as fast as I can (and it literally says in my faq to not ask for updates). that being said, I hurt my back and honestly just sitting hurts, so I can’t write more updates and there’s only one update left that I’ve already written and saved to my drafts, so I can’t promise daily updates nor can I give a solid update schedule (and I’m leaving for New York on Friday and won’t be back until Monday). so I’m just going to be updating whenever I can until I’m feeling better. and no, that doesn’t mean you can ask me about when the next update will be

Tags: @baek-byunies @thalasoophilia @byunfirstlady @yangkeosang @littleflowercrown13 @khelmatic @mingiholic @huexauzzy @kittysbtscorner @diamondsvts @ihtscuddlesbeeetchx3 @sxojihye @ravyeolii​ @vampybaek​ @ximaginx  @cosmicralway​ @luv1ee​ @uwuteamleader @rosyyeols @cbxtual @purplelady85

Unable to tag: @seventeen-atiny-army

-

Before Chanyeol had so rudely barged into not only your apartment, but your room, you were streaming as normal. Junmyeon had said he was leaving for a late class, and you said “see you later, Junmyeon,” before he left. That was what tipped off Chanyeol to your secret. You thought he was too busy with his friends to even listen to your stream, but he was on his way home when he heard it.

“Gotcha!” he shouted with a smirk on his face, seeing your surprised expression.

He knew he was the first to figure it out. He was considered the dumb one in his friend group, and he was proud to have been the first to figure out the mystery of who ar3um was. He felt like a genius.

“What’re you doing here?”

The familiar voice made him jump instead, spinning around to see who it was. He assumed you had been home alone since he didn’t see Junmyeon anywhere -- then again, he could’ve been in his room and Chanyeol’s outburst would definitely catch his attention.

Sehun was walking out of the bathroom, giving Chanyeol a quizzical look.

“Sehun?” Chanyeol asked, looking completely confused. “What are you doing here?”

He just shrugged, “Hanging out.”

“With _____? Why--? Wait, hanging out?” Chanyeol’s mind was going a million miles a minute as he tried to make sense of everything going on. “Wait, so... You knew?”

Sehun nodded casually, hands in the pockets of his joggers as he slipped passed the older boy to sit down on your bed like you’d been friends for years. You were still in your gaming chair in front of your setup, watching the interaction silently.

Chanyeol watched him, his eyes narrowed before they widened again, “Oh my god, are you actually dating?!”

“No,” you mumbled with a disgusted look on your face at the same time Sehun burst out in laughter and said, “Fuck no!”

“Wait, so then...what happened?”

Before Chanyeol had burst in, Sehun was talking to you on Discord.

oohsehun: I’m awake if you’re still streaming

ar3um: yeah, I am

ar3um: when’s baek get home?

oohsehun: Why do you always wanna play with him?

ar3um: no reason, just think the three of you are fun to play with

oohsehun: He tells us when you talk to him yknow

oohsehun: You talk to him a lot more than you talk to us

oohsehun: Not that I’m mad about it. I don’t actually want to date you, I just do that shit to tease Baek

ar3um: whats your point?

oohsehun: You like hyung, don’t you?

ar3um: okay lets say i did like him

ar3um: so what?

oohsehun: Wouldn’t you tell him who you really are then? Nobody knows, and if you wanted to date him, he’d kinda have to know

ar3um: i know that

ar3um: but i don’t wanna tell him yet

ar3um: so please don’t bring it up around him or anything, okay? i’ll tell him when i’m ready

oohsehun: Don’t worry, I won’t

oohsehun: Besides, he’s pretty clueless despite him being book smart. He literally has no idea you’re _____

Your heart stopped, your body froze, and you couldn’t stop reading it over and over again. Sehun knew? How did he know? When did he find out? Why didn’t he say anything? You were panicking so badly that you just ended the stream completely. Your hands were shaking so badly, you knew you wouldn’t be able to play anything.

oohsehun: I didn’t mean to freak you out

oohsehun: I’ll come over

You had let him into the apartment, and then into your room since he’d already called you out. He sat on your bed while you sat at your PC and listened to him explain how he figured it out.

“I follow both your twitter and ar3um’s, and you tweeted something pretty similar. I knew it wasn’t much to go off of, but I was watching you play at the gaming cafe, too. I’ve watched your streams only a handful of times, but I’ve seen you clutch plays like that before. I wasn’t positive, but I kind of had a suspicion. That was only furthered when ar3um tweeted she had homework to do and couldn’t stream that one time, and then I just happened to have had to stop by here to get my headset back from Junmyeon. You were in the living room doing homework that night.

“Typically, I wouldn’t have cared enough to look into it. Honestly, I didn’t really give a shit who ar3um was, but then I went with Yixing to check on you. You two went to the kitchen and I had to use the bathroom, and Yixing told me not to go snooping. Well, I didn’t care enough to listen, so while you and hyung were making boring small-talk in the kitchen, I was looking around the apartment out of boredom. I didn’t go into your room because I’m not a creep, but I went into Junmyeon’s and saw the Twitch sweatshirt with ar3um’s name on it.”

So that’s where your sweatshirt went. Clearly, it was a mistake to get it baggy.

“It was pretty obvious after that, but then it just kept getting more and more obvious. I brought up the ‘you sound like ar3um’ thing to tease you and give you a hint that I knew, but you didn’t realize. You said on stream you met your ‘friend’ through a mutual friend -- you met Baekhyun through Junmyeon. Ar3um followed Baekhyun randomly. It was like, a couple weeks later out of literally nowhere. She hadn’t followed anybody else, so I knew it wasn’t just random chance. She didn’t follow him when he was mentioned during her stream, it was just out of nowhere.

“By this point, I obviously already knew it was you, so it made sense to pick me or Chanyeol for your contest over Baekhyun because picking Baekhyun would be too obvious. And I knew you did all of this because you had a crush on him. Any idiot could tell, but Baekhyun’s not just any idiot. You two spend all your time together, and from what Junmyeon says, you’re not one to spend your time with anybody outside your apartment. It was really easy to piece together, honestly -- especially in retrospect since we never really saw you around. I just didn’t bother saying anything because I don’t care and it’s not my business.”

After hearing his explanation, you realized you weren’t as sneaky as you thought you were. There were too many hints and clues. You just didn’t think Sehun would’ve known this entire time.

“If you didn’t care...why did you keep digging?” you wondered quietly, unable to look Sehun in the eye.

Through your peripherals, you saw him shrug, “There wasn’t much to dig for. Everything was right in front of our faces -- except the Twitch sweatshirt, but I could’ve figured it out even without that, and I only went snooping in hyung’s room because I was bored, not because I was looking for clues. But I was bored and keeping up with this gives me something to do. Kinda wanna see how long it takes for Baek to realize. I don’t think you know how amusing it is to see how fucking stupid he is.”

Sehun’s amused smirk made you feel slightly better about this, but you still felt anxiety coursing through your veins. You couldn’t believe you’d gotten caught. What were you supposed to do now? 

“You’re clearly still terrified,” he began as he stood, “so I’m gonna give you a minute while I use the bathroom.”

And that was when Chanyeol burst into your room.

Chanyeol’s eyes widened as he jaw dropped, dumbfounded that Sehun somehow figured it out. He kept saying it wasn’t you. Most importantly, he was supposed to be asleep!

“You were watching her stream?” Chanyeol questioned.

“No,” Sehun scoffed, “I’m just not a moron. I knew it the whole time.”

Chanyeol’s face fell, sputtering out beginnings to questions and sentences but not knowing which one to finish.

“I���m-- I didn’t figure it out first...?” he asked, his voice quiet and sad.

You and Sehun both shook his heads -- Sehun looked casual and almost uncaring while you looked upset that somebody else caught on.

“If it makes you feel any better, you figured it out before Baekhyun-hyung.”

“Speaking of which,” you finally spoke up, looking between the two boys, “you cannot tell him or any of your friends. Absolutely nobody can know.”

“I haven’t told anybody yet, have I?” Sehun pointed out.

Chanyeol just nodded, “Got it. ...Wait, what about Junmyeon?”

Sehun sighed, falling back on your bed, “Maybe Baekhyun still is smarter than you.”

[tangledadventures]

Tangled: The series Q&A with Ricky

This is a recap from (April 27th, 2019) Questions and Answers session with Ricky on the Tangled Discord Server. Server link here.

Questions in bold Ricky’s answers unbolded

I'm all done with the show. I wrote the premiere and midseason for season 3 And Tom directed so, fun. I'm writing Big Hero 6 now. Well, finishing up on that. Then moving on to another. I only worked on 3rd season of BH Tangled and Big Hero are on the same floor so I feel like I never left And I still go to the Tangled snack table to raid their goodies

Honestly hearing crew stories makes me even more curious to find out what the studio environment is like

It's very chill and normal The office looks like a normal office building with cubes in the center and offices around the sides. Except everyone has cool toys and there is art all over the place And there is a lot of candy and cereal And they just gave us La Croix

Did Edmund name Eugene "Eugene" or did he have a different name for him before he sent him away?

He doesn't call him a different name so Isn't two names enough

Do we have a name for Mrs. Fitzherbert? Ummmm... Not sure about his mom's name.

So what would we expect on series finale of tangled? Non-spoiler stuff ofc

You can expect there to be no episodes after that But I seriously can't/won't talk about season 3 stuff As Chris always says, let the show speak for itself

But also there is so much heart and comedy and fun If everything is sad, then nothing is sad

What is your favourite moment in the show so far?

Favorite moment so far? Umm... 1.Bringing Pascal back to life. 2.Rapunzel tricking everyone and stealing the idol 3.Waiting in the Wings 4.Anything with Trevor

I don’t want to bombard you with questions - but do you know if Varian has a canon official age for season 1?

I THINK he's 14 Pretty sure Chris confirmed that at some point I think. I could be wrong but I'm pretty sure 14 in S1 Well the authors of the books got a lot of info from us. At one point we had to answer this really long questionaire about the characters so we might have answered 14 in that

So Rapunzel's bedroom in the castle is in the highest tower. But we've also seen there's a hallway outside of her room. My question is: where are the stairs?

Probably underneath so they can climb up to it

can you tell us the non-spoilery parts about varians original concept when he was still an adult on the drawing board? or was he just "bad guy - adult - science"

There were a few things that were just pitched around. Like I remember he was an apple picker or something. He had an orchard. And he had a cart and would come to Corona

Was like him having Dad issues still a thing or no?

Umm...maybe Chris had that planned but I just remember thinking of him as older when I first came on

So he wasn't an alchemist just an apple picker or did he still do alchemy?

Ummm... he did alchemy too I think. I don't remember. I have a test premise that I wrote with an older Varian and it had elements of alchemy in it so I think he always did

Did the characters go through any different names then the ones they have?

Yeah, we changed names of characters a lot Like in the room in the writing process Keep in mind it's like almost 5 years ago that I started on the show so some of it is fuzzy It's hard to remember the old names because they were only old names for like one draft haha

What shows or stories inspire some of the stuff that goes into the series? Like designs, plots, ideas, etc?

Uh, there are different things for sure. For Happiness Is, I was very inspired by John Steinbeck's "The Pearl" It's a great novel (it's pretty short...novella?) about a poor pearl diver who finds a giant, magnificent pearl and thinks it will solve all of his life's problems. Instead, it destroys everything. For Great Expotations I drew on Pretty In Pink quite a bit The John Hughes movie For Vigor the Visionary, I thought a lot about The Rescuers with respect to the daylight thieves. In the beginning at least Like, mostly tone and stuff The Rescuers is a disney film about mice that save an orphan Ruthless Ruth had a lot of Haunted Mansion inspiration For Mirror Mirror we were inspired by John Carpenter's "The Thing" One Angry Princess obviously had a Law and Order hue to it And early days in Way of the Willow we were influenced by the movie Parenthood (the Ron Howard film with Steve Martin). There is an uncle character played by Tom Hulce that shows up and is super charming, but he's irresponsible. It's not how the story went necessarily, but it was something we talked about when figuring her out. Oh and for Pascal's story I was pretty heavily influenced by Snoopy Come Home.

I think Tom had a ton of ppl mention the Hydra from Hercules when it came to the snake in Pascal’s Story

It may have influenced the design of the snake I'm not sure though because I'm not in on that process really I think in the script I described him as red haha As long as he only had one tooth left that's all that matterd Okay y'all. Thanks for talking to me! I'm gonna run. I have to go to the store and buy an anniversary card for my wife! I'm slacking

Thanks for chatting with us, Ricky! always a pleasure!

Of course! You all are so nice! Thanks for being so welcoming!

[all-good-things-dot-dot-dot]

All Good Things…  Time To Do The Write Thing...

All Good Things…  Time To Do The Write Thing...

#Blog #Bloggerstribe #AllGoodThings 27th June 2020

Hello Chaps and Chapettes,

It’s about time.

I started doing these blogs when I was realising that I was struggling to find the motivation to write. I was putting off projects that I needed to complete or at least struggling to decide what I wanted to do with them. Now I’m at the precipice of the journey where I know where I want to go next, what I want to do, and how I’m going to do it. I’ve discovered that through these blogs. Unfortunately, something still stands in my way and that is… These blogs.

Don’t get me wrong, I am not going to stop writing to you, dear reader. I’ve really enjoyed writing to you and equally you writing back to me, teaching me things, encouraging me, and I thank you from the whole of my heart for that. I will not take likely all you have done to get me to this point, whether it is just viewing what I wrote, telling me what you thought, or giving me hints and tips. However, I must start a new journey otherwise I will get lost in this one.

You see while doing this has been brilliant at getting me motivated to write, helping me practice my touch typing skills, increasing the speed of my writing, and learning that I CAN BLOODY DO IT! It has also made me a bit complacent. I spoke earlier about how, even doing one thing can still be a win during your day, but there is also a danger to that. If you want to succeed, small wins can lead to a big win, yet you need to ensure that you are focused on the next step up too.

Let me put this forward, you do not have to step up. Doing little wins every day such as ensuring you pay that bill, or write one little thing, or go to work, or eat, or sleep, or put the garbage out, will keep you on a straight line. You can go in a straight line as long as that is what makes you happy. You’re still living, laughing, having fun and that’s great, there is nothing wrong with it. However, if you want to go up, then going in a straight line will not get you there. You have to make a sacrifice and try taking the stairs instead.

Don’t get me wrong, that sacrifice could feel like a mistake. Life is like a big game of snakes and ladders, you could be climbing one day and from no fault of your own, you’re sliding down the next day. Yet, even if you end up at square zero, the starting block of the board, there is STILL A LADDER IN FRONT OF YOU! And the best bit is, there are no snakes until you climb up it. So it’s literally free real estate. ;3

This is where I am. I want to move from doing these blogs every day to doing them when I feel I have something important to report. I could be about to climb a ladder or meet a snake and I’m not sure which, but that doesn’t matter. If I don’t do it, I will simply carry ongoing, off of the board, and not meeting anything fun in return.

At this point, I want to share a video with you that inspired me. It is a fan film supported by Disney. It is about what happens if you lead with your head and not your heart. It is the Spanish version BUT there’s no dialogue so you don’t need to worry about understanding it, the animation does a good job of that on its own. (BUT if you did want to find the English version, you can do so on Disney+)

Link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u-radLHmpQI

If you have watched that then you’ll find that when “Paul” followed his head over his heart, he discovered that the life he has followed so far has been risk-free, but also lonely, dull, and adventureless. It is only when his head realized that he was going to end up being sad for the remained of his life that he let his heart take over for a bit. To that end, “Paul” had a fantastic time and in the credits on the Disney+ version, you see images of him trying surfing with the surfer dude, sharing time with the old men doing a fun activity (thus changing their lives for the better too) and creating a family with the sunglasses peddler.

The reason I wanted to share that with you is that, at this point in my life, those six minutes had a profound effect on me. They MADE me want to do something else, to create, to try, to risk, and to see what happens next. So that is what I am going to do. Take a risk and even if it doesn’t pay off, I’m going to learn from the experience and try to do it better next time.

In short, please do not worry about me. Do not worry about there being fewer blogs, I will still be writing to you. I’ll schedule them, Ricky Gervais usually does a vlog once at the weekend and once on a Wednesday, I think I can manage to do the same with these vlogs too. So, this isn’t a goodbye to these, it is a see you later.

In the meantime, my thirty-minute challenges will continue with a new purpose. I’ve learned from these that I can write about a thousand words in thirty minutes. “Harry Potter and The Philosopher’s Stone” is nearly seventy-seven thousand words long. That means, if written from cover to cover without editing or drafts, it would take seventy-seven days to write. That would be two months and sixteen days. That, on this time budget, is acceptable!

I’m first going to focus on a project I started called “Luna Switched,” - sorry, Tumblr, FurAffinity, Twitter and Facebook friends, you won’t be able to read that here as it’s very adult, but I will sink a link down below if you want to try. Honestly, if you’re innocent or family, please don’t. :D Thanks.

After that, other things will arise that should be more up your street. There will still be pony stuff for a while because I have ideas I need to see to completion before I can go on to actual publishable novel ideas. If I moved on from them now without finishing them, I would not be very happy with myself and my writing would suffer for it, so please bear with until we are at that point.

Until then, I’ll pop on a blog post every weekend and Wednesday. I’ll share thoughts on what I am doing, listen to your suggestions, and look forward to getting in touch. I hope that you will too.

Until then, this is Scaramouche saying, tatty-bye everyone, tatty-bye :D

Stay safe, stay positive, and always do reach out to me if you need to. All good things, Lots of hugs,

Scara x

Link to Luna Switched: https://www.fimfiction.net/story/174616/luna-switched

Link to Discord Server: https://discord.gg/9GEhvhf

[high-fructose-lesbianism]

The 5 Best and 5 Worst songs from 2016’s Billboard Top 100 Singles

The 5 Best Singles

5. When We Were Young- Adele (#83)

Adele is always great. Lyrically, this isn’t necessarily one of Adele’s best efforts. Compared to some of her other songs, it can be a little clunky but saying that, it’s still fucking Adele. She’s a great songwriter, a better singer and always a breath of fresh air within the pop charts. 

4. I Hate U, I Love U- gnash ft. Olivia O’Brien (#38)

Apparently this is a bad song. I’m sorry for it being here. I will admit that once I learned what gnash looked like, I doubted his sincerity slightly more than when I was just going off the song. But gnash is the weaker part of the song and wholly secondary, the star here is Olivia O’Brien. She is a beautiful singer who manages to evoke emotion in her singing which I see increasingly rarely from these sort of upcoming female singers. I find that Olivia O’Brien seems to actually have an understanding of the lyrics she’s singing as opposed to either singing them slowly to sound sad or just doing unnecessary vocal runs. 

More and more I am finding emotional pop ballads come across flat for me. It’s something that I complain about with the 50′s charts and I find there’s a resurgence in this day and age. Increasingly more of these slow, indie ballads come off artificial or lacking any emotion at all. This one isn’t. Mostly due to the work of Olivia O’Brien, this is a song that not only sounds like the singers have a grasp of human emotion but it sounds personal. I am looking forward to hearing more from Olivia O’Brien because she has sincerity in her singing that I am finding increasingly scarce.

3. Ex’s and Oh’s- Elle King (#63)

This is a rechart from 2015 where it didn’t even make my shortlist but this year was worse so here it is, 3rd best song of the year. Admittedly it maybe should’ve made my shortlist in 2015. I do love me a maneater song.

More than that, I love some country music that sounds a little dirty and grungy. It’s all so clean and pretty usually. Both in subject matter and arrangement, this song is a bit grittier. It’s still definitely country-lite but the non-country influences here are rock as much as they are pop (and not at all rap) and these influences combine brilliantly to make a song about the promiscuity of Rob Schneider’s daughter.

2. Hello- Adele (#7)

Adele is better than you. She’s also better than every single indie upcoming artist who sings their songs at one quarter speed to evoke sadness. Adele doesn’t coast like that. Much as Adele’s voice is great technically, what makes her truly brilliant is her ability to inject every syllable of her lyrics with emotion. It is perhaps foolish to hope for sincerity coming from the pop charts but if songs that require sincerity are charting, I don’t think it’s too much too much to ask that they be sung by competent performers. Adele is so far beyond competent.

1. Sorry- Beyonce (#71)

The theme of my top list year seems to be a demand for sincerity and believability from the performers. Again, the pop charts are probably not the place to do this and I would make my life easier if I just enjoyed the work of Flo Rida or similar for whom sincerity is less of a problem. Sadly, I am pretentious. Luckily, Beyonce.

Lemonade is an amazing fucking album and “Sorry” is a great single to represent that album. This song is simultaneously intensely personal and yet remains relatable. In “Sorry”, Beyonce managed to walk the fine line of being a superstar and diva but also making music that speaks to her fans. It worked. This song is an inspiration, instead of Beyonce being so far removed from the average person’s life experiences, instead she comes across as an inspiration of what to do. When confronted with a cheating lover, Beyonce has given us not only a song to listen to during that hard time but an inspirational template of how to act.

This song is a bit of a slow burn, the first verse being rather discordant and impersonal and it just builds and builds in quality and personal details to the point that the last verse becomes the best individual verse of 2016.

The 5 Worst Singles

5. All In My Head (Flex)- Fifth Harmony ft. Fetty Wap (#93)

This is not a song I care about sincerity with. What I do care about is that this is a club song that you can’t dance to, nor is it a song about sex that you can fuck to. I just don’t see any occasion in which this song would work at.

Vocally, the members of Fifth Harmony are all over the place. Whoever is singing the second verse I find particularly grating. And then there’s Fetty Wap who I cannot make out a single word from. It really sounds like he stumbled in drunk and ruined their recording session but then they kept it in for some fucking reason (Presumably because he’s the only performer in this song who has any personality).

Lyrically, this song is repetitive. It only has the one verse and other than the brief, out of place interlude from Fetty Wap, that is the only thing to interrupt the bridge and chorus. The repetition of the verse makes one particular lyric stand out all the more-- “so tongue and cheek when we’re laying on roses.” What does that mean? That is not a sentence that makes sense and it drives me fucking mental. It sounded a lot like tongue-in-cheek which is confusing to begin with and they should’ve been aware of that when writing. Even now that I know it’s tongue and cheek, it’s a still a weak and borderline nonsensical lyric. I would’ve given it a pass if it was just one throw-away line in a verse but because the song repeats said verse, here we are. If you’re only gonna have one verse to your song, at least make all the lyrics half-decent. 

5. 7 Years- Lukas Graham (#12)

This song is insufferably arrogant. Saying that, I marked comparatively low because at least they were trying. Lukas Graham probably spent months perfecting this song and I respect their work ethic. Too bad that if anything “7 Years” is overwritten and overproduced. 

Again, my thing here is the sincerity. In this case I think the lack of it comes from how overwritten the lyrics are. Any seed of truth and raw emotion was left seven drafts behind. Now all we have is this obnoxious, soulless song that’s sung by a performer who not only hasn’t mastered how to apply emotion to his songs but also hasn’t mastered the basic art of singing. There is nothing redeeming about this song. It’s so arrogant and self-serving, not nearly as personal and emotional as they clearly think it is and the lead singer’s voice is insufferable. Lukas Graham can kindly fuck off back to Denmark.

3. Timmy Turner- Desiigner (#98)

Admittedly, “Timmy Turner” is acting as more of a poster child for the mumble-rap genre in general. I’m not a fan. It’s like the unholy mating of the inarticulation of crunk rap of 2004 and the lazy beats and general no-fun of the T-Pain-esque autotune 2008 era. 

These songs just sound lazy. Much as “7 Years” was overwritten, “Timmy Turner” could go through at least one more lyrical draft before they went into the recording studio. I don’t find the stream of consciousness style that these raps hold to be appealing, I find it lazy.

Of course, I’m sort of guessing that the lyrics are bad because I can understand so few of them. “Timmy Turner” and other mumble rap songs genuinely give me anxiety about the well-being of the performers both in the moment and in a long-term sort of way. The performers just sound so incredibly, dangerously intoxicated.

“Timmy Turner” had to become the poster child and 3rd worst song of the year because it most clearly expressed my overall problem with the mumble rap genre. Timmy Turner sounds like a party that’s not fun anymore. One of those parties where you’ve been there for hours and it’s now 4 in the morning and everyone’s gone from fun and lively drunk to sad/angry drunk and someone’s throwing up in the bathroom. That is what “Timmy Turner” sounds like, a party you regret not leaving hours sooner. The discussion and depiction of intoxication comes across as so bleak that I can’t see how anyone enjoys listening to this music.

2. Watch Me (Whip/ Nae Nae)- Silento (#88)

I will say, as bad as this year is, I find it reliving that this song is still second worst. As I said last year about “Watch Me”, this song is so bad it makes me miss Soulja Boy. That’s pretty much all I have to say on this issue.

1. Me Too- Meghan Trainor (#62)

On top of being obnoxious, this song is inexcusably lazy. Much as Rihanna’s Work is also a pretty lazy song, Rihanna’s been doing this 10 years now and is allowed to phone one in. This is only Meghan Trainor’s second album and fifth major single. You can’t afford to get this spectacularly lazy with your output so early in the game. For fuck’s sake, the beat sounds like noises you make with your mouth to amuse a child. None of Trainor’s vocal talent is on display and in place we have obvious rhymes and an instrumental chorus that’s more sad than it is catchy or danceable. Not only am I confused why this is a song, but why the fuck was this a single? Was this seriously one of the notable tracks on her new album? If singles are supposed to be advertisements for the album as a whole, this is a terrible one because the thought that this is one of the strongest songs from said album is terrifying. This song should’ve been like track 10 on a 12 track album, one of the filler tracks. Much as this song never should have been recorded, it sure as hell should never have been released as a single. This song is embarrassing and I hope Meghan Trainor and everyone else associated with it feel embarassed every day about its existence.

Other Observations on this List

Like 2016 in general, this top 100 was bad and made me sad

I’d like to take a moment of silence for some songs that should’ve been top 100 hits but weren’t

Lazarus- David Bowie (or any and all given songs from Black Star)

Formation- Beyonce (or any additional songs from Lemonade)

The Greatest- Sia ft. Kendrick Lamar (Sia’s better single of the year)

Either Equal Rights (ft. P!nk) or Finest Girl (Bin Laden Song) by The Lonely Island (because we’ve had viral comedy hits chart before and holy shit, “Finest Girl” is the funniest thing)

WTF (Where They From) ft. Pharrell Williams- Missy Elliott

Genghis Khan- Miike Snow (in a better year, this would’ve been a sleeper hit that became song of the summer)

As I sort of mentioned, mumble rap was the most defining genre of the year

If I had not already been through this, I would be worried about the direction pop music is going because I really don’t like the mumble rap. But like the terribleness that was 2008-era autotune rap, this too shall pass

Other than mumble rap, there was a lot of slow, emotional R&B or acoustic songs of which I did not buy the sincerity

Perfect is One Direction’s best single and that kind of bums me out because Zayn was my favourite member of One Direction and this was released after he left

I still can’t believe we’re letting The Chainsmokers have a career

I don’t like 21 Pilots. I don’t understand the appeal.