#so while all of this is going down our dear friends Denali and Rosé are still teachers

[lady-assnali]

Ok, as promised here’s the continuation of This Part where Gigi comes back from Paris and Crystal is confused about things. With Jan’s advice, Crystal has to talk feelings

“I missed you so much, I’m so glad you’re here.” Gigi swings open the door and throws herself at Crystal, nearly knocking her over in the process. She wraps her arms around her and squeezes tight, burying her face in Crystal’s shoulder. The brunette sinks into the feeling for just a moment before stepping back, clearing the fuzziness from her headspace.

           “Are you embarrassed by me?” Well, shit. That isn’t how she’d intended to have this conversation. Gigi falters in her own movements, stopping in her tracks and spinning around with wide eyes.

           “What?” Her mouth stays open a bit, her head tilting. “Crys, I-what?”

           “I didn’t mean to ask you so up-front. That was supposed to come out really, really differently. I just-I need to talk to you, I didn’t want to chicken out.”

           “Okay, I…can we sit down?”

           She gestures for the couch and Crystal slips off her shoes, leaving them by the door. Gigi paces around the room, closing cabinets and tossing her blanket over the back of the couch, rearranging the pillows. Finding her place on the couch, Crystal sits on the edge of her seat. The room is suddenly filled with an awkward sort of tension. Gigi looks as if she’s about to cry, deflated and confused and uncomfortable in her own skin. For a moment, Crystal considers dropping the whole conversation. Then, she sees Nicky’s sweatshirt draped over the back of the armchair by the window. This isn’t a later conversation; it has to be done now.

           “Do you really think I’m embarrassed by you?” Gigi starts, her voice an imitation of the way she shrinks into herself.

           “I mean…yeah, kind of. Actually, not just kind of. I’ve been thinking that for a while now.”

           “Crystal,”

           “Why don’t you ever stay during my lives?” Gigi stiffens in her seat, shifting her gaze to the floor. The action both infuriates Crystal and upsets her even further. “Why don’t you ever do any of yours here? You always say how much people love to see you work, but you’re always doing them when I’m not around. I just…I’ve been thinking about it a lot lately. My brain is putting things together.”

           It takes Gigi a long time to respond. Her lower lip is jutted out slightly, her head down. She runs a hand through her hair. She shifts in her seat. She breathes slowly until she’s finally looking up at Crystal, eyes glossed over with emotion.

           “I’ve been doing it on purpose. You’re right.”

           “Okay.”

           “But it’s not because of that; Crystal, I could never be embarrassed by you. You’re my favorite person on this earth. I miss you every second of time I’m traveling. I’m obsessed with your art, and your drive, and your passion, and I just…people were ruining that. They will ruin that.”

           “Wha-what do you mean?”

           “The only time I posted you in my story after getting my first job was just…I didn’t realize what I was doing. We were both at the studio; you were painting and I was trying to get some designs done. You put on some 90s hits station or whatever and we were just jamming, hanging out, I thought it would be a cute little thing to put on there like we always do. But then people were commenting on the story asking who you were, going to your profile, snooping around…they were throwing out some pretty hurtful things.”

           “Oh.”

           “I deleted the post and made sure the people who commented were blocked. It just…it threw me. I didn’t realize everything that comes with this. You have a full career ahead of you, you’re insanely talented, and I’m just getting likes for putting clothes on and looking pretty. And these idiots can’t see that.”

           “Why didn’t you say anything?”

           “I didn’t want you to deep dive. I didn’t want any of that to get stuck in your head, or to mess you up. I’m realizing now that I made that decision for you.”

           “Yeah, you did. And it still messed me up-I don’t get comments, sure,  but you not having anything to do with me was just so confusing. Because you’re always saying things about Nicky, or Symone, or any of your other friends. Just not me.”

           “I know, I see that now. I never meant to hurt you, you’re just…you’re different than everyone else. Knowing that people could hurt you just because you’re my friend? Knowing that I would be the person that triggered all this negativity? It’s a shitty excuse, but seeing you hurt like that would kill me.”

           Crystal doesn’t respond. She digs her toes into the carpet, head swirling with conflicting feelings. She wants to forgive Gigi immensely, hug her and reassure her and coddle her until they’ve both forgotten this even happened. Another part of her, the stubbornness inherited by the long line of powerful women in her family, forces her to keep her eyes off of Gigi and her head clear.

           “People can hurt everyone else you’re tagging too.” She murmurs. Gigi bites her bottom lip, fiddling with her hands in her lap. “I just wish you said something sooner, or gave me the choice. I just…I’m lost in the shuffle, y’know? And you say you value me more than that,”

           “-I do,”

           “-Then just…I don’t know. I’m not asking you to make some big long best friends forever post because that feels icky. I don’t want to come across as the kind of friend who doesn’t like you having other friends. I’m happy that you have people in your corner when you’re gone. I just want to be able to let people know how proud I am of you without it crossing some kind of invisible boundary. We talk about everything, and this just came out of nowhere.”

           “You’re right. I’m sorry, Crys.” She shuffles closer to her on the couch, grabbing her arm. “I don’t ever want you to feel like you’re less than. You’re the most important person in my life, and I’m really really sorry.”

           She’s near tears now, and Crystal squeezes her hand before opening her arms. Gigi falls into them, engulfing her in a tight hug with her legs curled up behind her. They sit like this for a while, contemplating where to go from here when one half of their world knows who Crystal is and the other is completely unaware. She’d been in one photo before, when Gigi had seen her first billboard, but it had been from behind and was tucked away in her feed, buried by professional photos and PR packages. Bringing her to light feels like coming out all over again, and it strikes a nervous chord for both of them even though they’re only admitting friendship.

           After a while Gigi pulls her phone off of the coffee table, tapping her fingers against the screen nervously. She wipes at the bottom of her eyes, opening the front facing camera.

           “Would you be ready to meet the world now?” She asks. The question comes out a bit slow, hesitant, but Crystal nods enthusiastically.

“Wait, I don’t want you to feel like you have to do this right now.”

“I do have to do this right now, but not because I have to. I have to do this because I need to make things right. I never want you to feel less than again.”

The model can see her best friend nod through the screen, pressing their faces together. Crystal’s smile is brilliant; effervescent. Gigi isn’t crafting an image of herself, rather she lets the expression on her own face come naturally. After she takes the photo, she briefly contemplates posting it. Her eyes are wide like saucers, and she’s sure the world can see the way she’s lit up, turned into one giant heart. Maybe this is the look Nicky teases her about after she hangs up with Crystal when they’re away. Maybe this is the dead giveaway. But if Crystal is ready for the world to see them, then she’ll do it.

           She’ll just have to ignore her followers exposing her for who she really is; a person painfully  in love with their best friend.