#so you can see how the usages has and hasn't shifted through time and can spot it better in your own reading

[inkedbybarnes]

unclear

bucky barnes x fem!reader

summary: everyone thinks you're dating bucky, except yourself.

word count: 2.4k

warnings: 18+ minors dni. miscommunication (i love this trope, sue me), angst with a happy fluffy ending, quite stubborn reader, implied smut if you squint, usage of petnames such as baby and doll. lowercase for basically everything.

i haven't finished anything in decades, but i suddenly had an idea just now and decided to write it down. surprisingly, i finished it? might have a lot of mistakes and such since i haven't proofread it yet. also, sorry for using lowercase for this, i kinda like how it looks. hope you enjoy this one!

dividers by @cafekitsune!

comments, reblogs, and likes are highly appreciated. thank you! ♡

“you're confusing me. so... you're not dating bucky?”

wanda tilted her head, confusion etched on her face as you spent your weekly girl's night with natasha. it usually consisted of eating food you all desired, drinking until you got wasted, and spilling secrets to one another.

although tonight, you weren't sure if you had any secrets to spill.

"as far as i know, no. we're just friends, teammates. nothing else," you answered with a heavy sigh. "can we talk about something else?"

"hold your horses, young lady! we are not skipping this topic again. you obviously want a label but he isn't giving you one!" wanda protested. she has been constantly asking about you and bucky's relationship for the past weeks, and you always had the same answer. you don't know.

"have you never talked about it with bucky? he looks at you like you'd get lost if he looks away for a second. not a single soul in the tower would think that you're just friends," natasha interjected, taking another sip from the bottle of beer she held. she had a point, as always. "if he's just playing with you, which i highly doubt for barnes, then just end whatever that is. you deserve better than having doubts and confusion, babe."

you've tried asking him multiple times, but every attempt felt like you were stepping on his boundaries. after years of being controlled by hydra, you knew it was possible that he'd hate the feeling of being rushed and entering a relationship that could potentially feel like a cage to him.

but natasha was right. your "relationship" was no longer anything friendly. he sleeps in your bed, claiming he slept better in it, and wakes up beside you to shower you with kisses. none of you even tried to hide it after some time. you always cooked your meals and ate them together, casually feeding one another and stealing kisses in between. you even stopped going on dates and you had no idea if you were exclusive. you deserved to know what your relationship with bucky was, but you were too scared to lose everything once you asked.

"we're not dating. i only see him as a friend, so you can both stop worrying about me." you lied through your teeth, your chest aching as you realised how stupid this was. you sighed and faked a smile, shifting the attention to natasha. "so, tell me about your date with steve! how was the first ever date of captain america since the 40s?"

wanda was distracted by the question, immediately bombarding the now blushing widow with questions. on the other hand, your mind flew away for a minute, finally deciding to get an answer from bucky.

the annual ball that tony stark held for, well, nearly anyone, was nearing. you only had two weeks left, and you haven't even gone out to find something to wear. it was hard to find any motivation to do all that effort when the person you've been waiting to ask you as his date hasn't asked you yet.

although, bucky had a tendency to get shy and hold back. you knew that. so here you were, standing behind the doors to the gym, knowing that bucky would be training at this hour. you still haven't asked him the question you were supposed to ask him, so you decided to do it all at once.

after you've finished your small pep talk, you opened the door to enter the room and your first instinct was to search for bucky.

considering that he was a huge chunk of a man, he was easy to find. however, the sight of him standing in front of a woman that was too close for your comfort wasn't delightful.

he didn't see you entering the room since he was facing the opposite direction, conversing with the agent that happened to be training as well. she had the sweetest and flirtiest smile on her face, bringing her hand up to his arm, slowly caressing it. you didn't mean to easily hear their conversation as you walked closer.

"so, do you happen to have someone for me to have as a date for the ball? i don't want to be lonely on that night, sergeant," the agent said with an extra pout, swaying her hips side to side like a child asking for candy.

"oh, yeah? i think i have someone for you," bucky replied, breaking your heart into pieces with how enthusiastic he was with his answer. "i'm sure you'll—"

you sniffed. unconsciously. not knowing that your tears were already falling, causing your nose to get stuffy. how pathetic, you thought.

your little sniff caught the attention of both the agent and bucky, looking at you in shock. although, the girl was more pleasantly surprised than the opposite. thankfully, you already had your tears wiped before they could see them.

"oh, we didn't see you there!" she greeted you with your name. "we were just talking about our date for this year's ball. who are you bringing?"

"i haven't decided yet, no one's worth it even if i try," you answered bitterly. "so you're going together?"

before bucky could answer, the agent already had her arm wrapped around his, happily smiling at your question. "yeah! amazing, right? i actually thought you two had a thing, but i guess not. glad things worked out in the end."

and that was your last straw. "well, enjoy yourselves. i have to go and find natasha."

you turned to leave, ignoring the loud calls of bucky. you were glad that you never asked him about your relationship and the ball. you were going to be hurt either way.

you spent the next hours stuck in your room, body covered with a thick sheet as you ranted about your frustrations to friday.

it was silly, you knew that, but you refused to call natasha and wanda to remind you of your stupidity and decided to let an ai robot listen to your problems instead.

"and he even flirted back! answering coyly like a teenager. he's 107 years old, fri!" you whined, not noticing the new nickname you've given the alternative intelligence. "ugh, now i have a broken heart and no date in sight. how did it get to this?"

"perhaps you must discuss this matter with sergeant barnes first. your conversation ended quite abruptly with no clear conclusion."

"no, i don't want the truth rubbed on my face," you said, grabbing another piece of tissue to sneeze in. "you restricted him from entering my room, right?"

friday answered with a yes, then you thanked her for listening and decided to get some sleep after tirelessly crying for hours. you knew you had a team meeting with the avengers in a bit, but you couldn't bring yourself to even walk a few steps.

your sleep ended and you were woken up with friday's reminder that it was time for dinner with the team.

with a groan, you pushed yourself off your bed. bucky would be there, but you were too hungry to care. it would be awkward, of course, but you had to face him at some point anyway.

your feet padded towards the door, opening it after trying your hair in a bun.

"ah, fuck."

you jumped at the voice and the body falling to the floor as you opened the door.

"bucky?" you asked, still in shock. "were you sleeping outside of my room?"

you watched bucky stand up, his hand massaging his aching nape as he looked for your eyes. "friday won't let me in. i waited outside instead. i guess i fell asleep during that," he explained, a frown forming on his face. "did you restrict me from entering our room?"

your eyes widened at his choice of words. our room. he considered your room to be his room as well. while that would've made you melt in an instant, you were still hurt to entertain that possibility.

"this is my room, barnes. not yours, not ours. and yes, i had you restricted because i couldn't face you yet. what do you need anyway?"

"i wanted to see you, talk to you." a flash of pain crossed his eyes. "whatever happened at the gym, it's—"

"bucky, you don't have to explain anything to me. we're just friends. it's my fault i assumed we were something. i just need some time to get over it."

"but i thought we were something as well..." he replied, his voice was almost as quiet as a whisper. "i thought we were dating."

"were we?" you asked, genuinely curious. "we never.. you never said anything. i mean, yeah, i wished it meant something, but i thought you wouldn't want to be trapped in a relationship with me, so i just waited. apparently, i was right and i can't blame you for that."

"right about what? the thing that happened in the gym this morning?" he asked. you nodded in response. "i know it sounds like i was flirting back, well i didn't know at the moment, until i asked steve who was clueless but he called nat to help me out and explained that it looked like i was flirting back. i wasn't. i was just going to suggest sam as a date for her. i would never agree to anyone."

oh. so he just wasn't interested in anyone at all.

"besides this one girl who's constantly been in my head. that's if she'd even give me a chance and say yes. i fucked it up badly before i could even ask her properly."

you knew what hoping got you, but you couldn't help but think that he was talking about you. he'd have to be clueless to say all those things in front of you only for it to be someone else.

"i love you, baby. i should've told you that, i should've made it clear sooner. i'm so sorry i let you have doubts when i could've been reassuring you about what i feel for you."

"bucky..."

"i would never feel trapped with you, doll. only you made me feel so much love and freedom. i'd be a fool to let go of that. i'm sorry it took a few hits and harsh words from natasha to make me realise that i wasn't giving you enough when you deserve everything." he held your face in his hands, bringing you closer to him. you felt breathless, tears threatening to fall but this time it was out of joy. "hydra made sure i had no voice to express myself. now, i'll use it to let you know that i love you so fucking much that it hurts when you're not around. i promise to work on it. if anything like this happens again, ask me, baby. demand things from me. i'll give you everything in a heartbeat."

"even if i ask for your arm?"

he laughed, a sound that was music to your ears. "it's yours baby. although, i do like fucking you with my metal—"

"bucky!" you scolded him, hitting him lightly on the chest.

"sorry, baby. couldn't help it. missed my girl so much."

his girl. you loved hearing that.

"it's only been a few hours. don't be silly," you reminded him, but you knew you also felt the same.

"i miss you even when i don't see you for a second." you couldn't help but laugh at his words. "something funny, doll?"

"sorry, natasha said something similar about you a few days ago," you answered. "i'm sorry for assuming so quickly, bucky. you deserved the chance to explain."

"and you did let me explain. i can't blame you for assuming and getting hurt when i never gave you the confirmation to believe otherwise. don't apologise for it, baby."

"i love you," you said, causing him to grin widely.

"yeah? you love me too?" he asked, a hint of pink tinting his cheeks. "this is official now, right? we're dating?"

you nodded happily, giggling as he landed a kiss to your mouth. "so, you wanna go to the ball with me?"

he kissed you again. "don't. i'm supposed to be asking you that. i had an entire thing prepared for you, i even dragged half of the team to help me out days ago. besides wanda and natasha, of course. couldn't let them tell you about it."

your heart swelled, he was already planning to ask you before all of this misunderstanding happened, and it could've been solved with communication. lesson learned, indeed.

"well hurry because i can't wait to say yes," you playfully threatened him, kissing the tip of his nose until the loud rumble of your stomach interrupted your sweet moment. "ah, right. i was on my way to eat dinner when i opened the door."

bucky laughed, his eyes twinkling witth adoration as he kept his eyes on you. "we can't have you starving, that's for sure. come, let's get you something." he held your hand, and dragged you to the kitchen. he turned to look at you with a playful smile. "wanna cook together like the old times?"

you smiled. "like the old times."

in the middle of your cooking session, you heard whistles and claps along with the footsteps that entered the kitchen. you both turned to find the rest of the team with shit eating grins.

"finally! so is this real or do we need to smack your heads?" tony asked, his hand placed on his hip.

"it's always been real, stark," bucky answered, wrapping his arm around your waist. "except this time, i'm making sure my entire world knows it."

"i think everybody knows you have a thing for each other, barnes." clint added.

"i meant my entire world, not everybody." bucky looked at you with awe. "she's my world."

bucky's answer gained various loud reactions from the team, mostly calling him a cheesy old man and fake gags, but there you were, cheeks heating up as you looked back at him with the same amount of love, if not more.

and he did ask you to be his date to the ball the day after, surprising you with his so-called secret plan.

a year later, he surprised you with a ring as he knelt on one knee.

if you have any requests for bucky, send them my way! 💌

[lesenbyan]

I wish there was like. A comprehensive library of common literary metaphors (fiction and poetry) and then listing examples from both Classic Lit and contemporary.

[linuxlife]

Linux Life Episode 67

Hello ladies and gentlemen and welcome to my ongoing quest regards Linux.  Well I did say I was getting frustrated with the slowness of Manjaro well due to having to fight with it virtually every time when I built something from the AUR.  I eventually had enough.  So now the i7 desktop is now running Archman Mate.

The problem with Manjaro as I said was it seemed to be sluggish to load, respond and generally work.  It did work but for some reason everything took far longer than it should.  Also building anything would be problematic.

I will explain what I mean.  Now Arch has a tendency to build from source which is not a problem.  However most Arch versions with the exception of Manjaro if they script is in the wrong order it will normally correct so it will be able to build the program.Manjaro will just stop dead make you find a series of libraries which itself could have made.  It's counter productive.  Now I know sometimes AUR scripts are not perfect but just installing say Fuse the spectrum Emulator.

It uses libspectrum now every other Arch distro I have used discovers this and build this first and then Fuse.  Manjaro just stalls, informs  libspectrum is needed and stops.  So now I have to go back to pamac install libspectrum first and now I can install Fuse.  I'm sure someone seems to think this is a good idea as you see what you need before building the program in question.

However I just need a program to work and find all these unnecessary install steps annoying.  If it needs such then like every other version out there install the library first and then build.  However it will stop warn and not install.

This is very much like the old issue I used to have with Debian when it will inform you of the dependencies but not where they are.  So you end up installing one library, then another, then another and still may not be close to being able to install the program you want.

It's inconvenient.  I really don't understand how Manjaro is listed and praised so highly.  I really don't.  I have found it slow, obnoxious and obstructive.  But for some reason people like it.  Well let's just say I don't.

If you like Manjaro that's your prerogative.  To be honest I admit I think I am pretty fussy about things.  This is why I have shifted many times and through many versions of Linux.

Don't get me wrong now I will at least attempt to see if their is a fix if there is an issue which previously I wouldn't.  Well I would but I have learned several things over time about symbol links going missing and how to sort them and that amending one or two files may be enough to save you having to totally reinstall the distribution.

As I have said before the reason why I use an Arch system over a Debian/Ubuntu/Fedora system is the applications are in a much more central location on Arch.  On the others you normally need to keep adding PPAs and pointing the distros to file servers you have no idea whether they are safe or not.

Admittedly several scripts at the AUR may not work so I'm not saying it's perfect but nine times out of ten I can get the programs I want either from the central repositories of  the distribution I'm using or the AUR.

Do they move their mirrors and files.  They probably do but that is sent with the updates normally so I don't have to manually enter the movements.

Obviously I understand that if I was running a server I would want a machine that I set up once and  then hopefully only have to do occasional updates the likes of Debian/Fedora are commonly used and I respect that.  If I was to setup a central server then I would be looking at them but I don't have a server need.

As a desktop user I like to install programs try them, love them or hate them, keep them or remove them so I need a pretty dynamic setup.  Hence why the Arch system suits me.

However I have discovered once I find something I like I will tend to stick with it.  For example my usage of Shutter to grab screenshots.  Sure there is Flameshot and Greenshot and probably others but they don't always manage to grab game shots very well which I normally can get Shutter to do.

Shutter hasn't been updated in a long time and getting it to build on various distros can be a long trek but Archman for example made sure it built without stopping by building the libraries in the right order which Manjaro could not do.

Maybe it's because Archman is using Mate where as when I was running Manjaro it was KDE.  Given Shutter is primarily based in Gnome and Perl maybe Mate just knows how to deal with it better as it's based on the Gnome system.  I don't know you see for all I am quite technically minded.

When it comes to complex programming my brain has decided it just doesn't want to get involved.  I tried programming many years ago and discovered it was not for me.  I just don't have the patience to find a missing semicolon or symbol in a several thousand lines of code program.  

As much as I like to investigate programs I really don't have the patience to sit and learn programs that are incredibly complex either.  I know Blender is an incredible tool and as well as being a 3D modelling software is capable of  producing animation and some even use it for video production.

I have sat and rendered a model from example files and sat and waited for several hours for what turns out to be a two minute animation.  Yes it's impressive but to be honest I know in my heart I would not sit and do such.

I love Emulation.  It fascinates me seeing a machine running on my PC which was never meant to.  Being able to try out programs and games I never could.

For example MAME includes MESS so it can run several computer systems as well as arcade games so I was able to play with Irix as there is now SGI Emulation in there.  It's far from perfect and obviously not a huge amount of stuff is widely available to download for it.

However I have always wanted to see the Irix system in action and unless I was willing to pay the silly amounts asked on eBay for machines such the Octane and the Indigo.  This is the only way I will get to try out such.

Hence why I now have Previous on most of my setups.  It's an Emulation of  the Next Systems so I can play with NextStep.  Once again software is pretty limited and getting some of the stuff to work is a bit of a challenge.  However seeing it and how you can see Mac OS X has integrated many of its features and improved makes it fascinating to me.

It never ceases to amaze me how the emulator programmers keep getting things working.  I wouldn't know where the hell to start.  Seeing them get things like Yusu, Xenia and Citra which are running emulation of Switch, Xbox 360 and 3DS games respectively.  OK they are not perfect but the fact they have done so just proves how incredibly dedicated these people are.

I have always said my ideal desktop operating system which would never be possible.  Is a machine where I can run Linux, Windows, Mac, Amiga, Next, BeOS and more from one desktop with one simple double click.  Integrated Emulation at desktop level.  Integration between clipboards and software.  It's very idyllic and would never happen as the companies responsible for said technology would vehemently prevent such.  But hey a man can dream.  Either that or I'm just lazy and want everything under one roof to save me leg work.

Anyway I think that's enough waffle for this episode.  So until next time ...take care.