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borderlandscast · 6 years ago

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starwarscast rythian

this au is essentially rythian playing himself in a dnd game set in star wars, pre clone wars. everyone else is also playing themselves. the last post i did was listing the current cast’s characters and their species, plus a sneak peek into nilesy and rythian’s stats.

below is all my cleaned up and compressed notes on rythian’s timeline, trivia and backstory.

rythian:

honorable mention of this rythian goes here because i rarely return to this au (i blame all the ‘canon’ worldbuilding we’re finally getting on rythian’s species, now decades after the original books were published) and i’m still fond of him.

hold up your thumb and index finger. now put them together so there’s the a gap but they’re not touching. that’s how much less gayer he is than blcast rythian.

long haired; keeps it well maintained with lush products bc he’s kind of vain about it. has it in a french braid that runs down his back. if he ever suggested cutting it, a petition would go around to stop him. he still has the pale/grey stripe running down the middle of his hair.

he still can’t cook. if anything, he’s even worse at it. whether or not he deliberately plays it up is a running joke. it’s a mystery how he survived as zoeya’s padawan. zoeya jokes about watering him whenever others ask. he doesn’t appreciate it.

rythian’s full name is in the archives, and he never uses it. he goes by a much shortened version (thanks to the circumstances by which he arrived at the temple, and zoeya’s help). keep reading for why.

the slightest mention of a holocron (sith or jedi) or lost knowledge is the fastest way to summon him from across a room. he’s one of the best artifact hunters and puzzle solvers.

his main job in the jedi temple is a librarian, and he has a reputation as a strict but helpful master. don’t run any of the texts, and you’ll keep staying on his good side.

he’s actually younger than he looks; he became a master in his late teens, and zoeya had to make a solid case about him taking the exams to become a master that young. it distanced him from a lot of his peers.

now that he’s older, he gives slightly less of a f*ck, and is fairly outspoken as a grey jedi since he sometimes uses fairly questionable means to accomplish his goals (something zylus takes after him in that regard).

lightsaber is purple. he’s never been prouder. he uses the same style as obi-wan, but has a decent grounding in other styles to throw someone off if he ends up in a duel.

his species is exceedingly rare. to give you an idea of how rare, he’s the only chiss residing within the bounds of known, explored space; his species exists in a difficult to navigate, well isolated patch. it also causes him some minor grief whenever he leaves the temple, since most think he’s just a freak, mutant or a hybrid pantoran.

even funnier is that he’s the only jedi of said species, but is not the only force sensitive of his kind (go read timothy zahn’s latest triology, it’s got some good tidbits at last about how his species views and treats their force sensitive individuals). i know there was a canon chiss jedi padawan but the old star wars canon is a mess i’m not touching with a ten foot pole, or else rythian would have died of happiness to meet another one of his species even if neither of them know anything about them.

his arc revolves around gaining acceptance that sometimes things happen even if we don’t want them to, and that not all answers sought out will give happiness, including the truth.

his backstory was that his parents (a happily married trio, consisting of a fleet commander, a governor and a scientist) made the decision to give him away as a baby due to two events: restless political climate nearly resulting in baby rythian’s death from assasination, and his ridiculous force sensitivity, which immediately marks him for a risky career as a hyperspace navigator once he’s old enough to walk and talk. they don’t hold family ties once they start this career, so.

not wanting to risk their child’s life, his parents sneakily flag down a passing jedi ship carrying one jedi master zoeya (who is a sentient, old af tree, known as ‘neti’). she is very surprised that she is now in charge of an unknown alien infant but understands that for reasons unknown, he is now in her care. for who knows how long.

rythian spends his childhood at jedi temple. he matures way faster than the other kids, and excels in his studies. apparently, that’s normal for his kind, but it’s abnormal to others. it’s made even worse because nobody knows what species he is. he befriends a kel dor named will strife, another padawan after strife stops a couple of older teens from hassling rythian.

zoeya officially takes rythian as her padawan. she also secretly gives him an ecrypted disc containing a basic dictionary and guide to chiss language, the only link rythian has to his parents (aside from the hand stitched blanket and baby clothes). rythian never knows zoeya gives him the disc since it’s left on his bed. it’s the only knowledge he never contributes to the jedi temple’s extensive archives.

stuff happens to zoeya; rythian loses her as a master due to her past trauma catching up. he learns that he’s her third padawan (the second being lomadia, who is still alive); her first died hundreds of years ago, and zoeya’s memories keep overlapping so she’s confusing him for them. she leaves the order after her memory’s adjusted so she can start fresh as a civilian. the last thing she says to him before she goes for treatment are a string of numbers, and a single, nonsensical name. rythian is advised that it’s best not to find her or risk a relapse.

will strife voluntarily leaves the order as well due to pressing circumstances; i.e., a fabricated scandal with him and a well known politician (played by lalnable). rythian gradually accepts that everyone he knows and cares for will eventually leave him. he still maintains strife as a contact after strife takes up a career as a traveling merchant.

rythian takes a teen zylus as a padawan and resolves to do better than zoeya, as a mentor and parental figure. he did bring baby zylus to the temple after all. he keeps an eye on zylus as zylus grows up, occasionally nudging zylus to stay focused.

that said, rythian had his nose in a book during the candidate lightsaber matches, thus narrowly missing zylus leaving. zylus dropped by the libaray on his last day at the temple, which was where rythian found him and dragged him of to get him approved as his official padawan.

zylus successfully graduates, and to rythian’s great relief, he stays to work on the archives with him as a fellow holocron hunter and decrypter.

and then the chosen one, nilesy, arrives at the temple in search of how to best temper his newfound force sensitivity. in tow is ravs, a sith. rythian volunteers to be the sith watchdog, and nilesy’s trainer, and it’s not just because this is his golden chance to hit up a sith for secret forbidden lore or anything.

unfortunately, ravs has no interest in helping rythian unlock sith holocrons; he advises that his fellow sith buddy, daltos, might be of help but he has no idea where said buddy is. this greatly annoys rythian (unbeknowst, several months later, zylus has the honor of said first meeting).

ravs constantly hides in rythian’s room from jedi padawan nanosounds, who is eager to test her formidable lightsaber skills on a sith. rythian eventually gets used to ravs randomly chilling in his room.

he and ravs have a thing. zylus is completely oblivious to it, and nilesy pretends that he’s not aware of it.

rythian decides to go on holiday, which immediately sparks suspicion from everyone because everyone has to literally pry rythian from the archives on a daily basis. ravs secretly tails him, and sees rythian about to board a chiss ship.

afraid of losing him forever, ravs butts in, and discovers that rythain is meeting his parents, who also react to ravs like he’s a threat. rythian persuades his parents that ravs means no harm, and gets ravs permission to board as well.

rythian tries to reconcile with his parents’ decision to ‘abandon’ him, and their aloof attitudes after finally reuniting with them as an adult. he has no memories of them, to their disappointment. he eventually discovers in one of his parent’s offices, a hidden compartment containing two photos of him as a child and padawan.

he confronts his parents, and finds out that zoeya met his parents in secret one more time to deliver these photos. reassured that they’d made the right decision, they ask her to pass on a message: if ry’thia’nuruodo wishes to learn of his heritage, meet us at these coordinates on this day. we shall return yearly, without fail, until we are unable to. this was zoeya’s message, which she’d passed onto him, albeit incomplete.

rythian also has to contend with helping ravs make a good first impression; his parents don’t speak basic (or pretend not to, wanting to test if rythian retained his knowledge of his species’ language), and ravs can’t speak their language. they don’t approve of him having a relationship with ravs since he’s an alien and they don’t know what he’s capable of, but eventually concede that ravs will do since nobody else can match their son’s capabilities.

as for the issue of who exactly rythian’s family members are? i don’t know anything about chiss society so this entirely headcanon. their society is very rigid, and is based on doing your job correctly and loyalty to their houses (ie, family branches). all chiss tend to be fairly straight faced, calm and composed and intelligent individuals. rythian is an exception, which is why he doesn’t initially understand why his parents are so cold to him at first, but clues in eventually that they’re exceedingly subtle about their affection and praises (and insults, too).

his biological father is ry’aratalla’nuruodo (aratalla for short), cedef fleet commander. rythian takes after him in sense of humor, looks and height but inherited all his teeth from his other biological parent, sev��adira’csapla. very level headed, accomodating, quiet and grounded; rythian is a little intimidated by him, and assumes his dad has the final say in everything. this is utterly wrong and his dad is whipped by the other two parents.

sev’adira’csapla (vadirac, or adira) is a colony governor and ship provisions officer. nonbinary, goes by they/them. has a mean, petty and haughty personality, can also be called a tsundere. unfortunately, rythian gets his vanity and dramatic flair from them. he doesn’t get along with them, and the two spend a fair amount of time insulting each other (which adira actually enjoys).

radar’isoto’inrokini (isoto for short, a triple wordplay on ‘risotto’, ‘radar’ and ‘isotope’). rythian’s ‘mother’, in a sense. rythain gets his curiosity and love of knowledge from her. she’s like zoeya; full of optimistism, disarmingly charming, frightening when angered and is actually one of the sharpest minds around. she’s a exceptional mixture of physicist, linguist, biologist, geologist and chemist, being the chief scientific officer serving on the same ship as rythian’s dad. she gets along with ravs a little too well, and takes on the giant task of learning basic so she can communicate with him.

rythian leaves with ravs, having learned a great deal about chiss. he’s supposed to be a big secret since his parents spread a rumor that he died from ‘weak constitution’. he and ravs are to keep everything they learned and visited a secret.

rythian, nilesy and zylus learn of a secret mission to assassinate the sith who’ve been more or less friendly towards nilesy: minty, ravs and daltos. minty escapes, but ravs and daltos aren’t so lucky, resulting in nilesy, rythian and zylus interfering. the three let ravs and daltos escape, causing the three jedi’s standing to plummet within the temple. don’t worry, it doesn’t stay that way for long.

right after the above happens, the clone wars occur. rythian doesn’t meet ravs for months; ravs ghosts him. they end up reuniting on a mission much later when ravs frees him from a seperatist jail at the risk of compromising his cover. it’s a very emotional reunion. ravs is in hiding since he suspects a bigger conspiracy, and has been compiling clues and evidence. he and rythian agreed to meet up and share what they know.

rythian assists nilesy in further training his powers. unfortunately, without ravs counterpoint, there is no balance for nilesy. nilesy is confined to the temple since he can’t take part in any of the life threatening missions.

rythian takes ‘tom’ (angor) as his clone officer. tom assists him in piecing together transmissions and intelligence to send off. ravs passes him information every now and then. rythian is a dad to a clone trooper, okay.

order 66 occurs at the climax of the clone wars. the temple is under siege by a traitor jedi and the clones. rythian and any jedi on the scene attempt to escape. rythian almost dies when tom fails a will check to stop himself from shooting rythian due to order 66. nilesy and ravs pool together their resources and wills to save him.

when all hope is lost, nilesy ascends as a ‘chosen one’, bringing a fragile balance to himself since he failed the galaxy. through his connection in the force, he learns that the other chosen one (thanks, skywalker) went off the deep end. nilesy unlocks the secret of mortis, and drags the survivors of temple massacre inside before closing the rift.

rythian recovers, forgives tom, and stays on as nilesy’s teacher, having successfully saved several important texts and holocrons from the archives prior to leaving the temple.

nilesy wishes to join the rebels once he hears news of them.

i got this far before having to stop due to real life circumstances interfering, and felt that this was a safe stopping point as well.

#borderlandscast: extras #borderlandscast: star wars #long post

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iamalivenow · 6 years ago

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Orimar loves deeply and unapologetically.

He always has, he always will, it's only somewhat of a character flaw of his. If he was maybe six (four) tankards down, he'd admit that it was maybe a tiny bit of a problem for him. There are dozens of hundreds of ports all across the world where Orimar Vale, The Orimar Vale, yes ladies, yes gentlemen, yes assorted personages, That Great and Fantastic Orimar Vale, Legendary Corsair, unparalleled in all of the skies and seas and lands, undoubtedly broke at least one heart. He loathes to do it, of course, but his greatest love is the skies, the adventure, the faint smell of salt and the strong smell of iron. That's just the way it is, darlings, there's nothing he could do about it. He's charisma on legs, and adventure calls him too sweetly for him to deny it. And he didn't have favorites, of course not. (And not at all anyone one specific Queen hidden at the edge of the world. Of course not.) Some people could call that sort of this dishonest, or that he was only interested in the more carnal aspects of a relationship, which was, honestly, the funniest thing he's ever heard. What's the point of sleeping with someone if they can't look you in the eyes and just know your entire life story from just one glance? It's true, he's a romantic. Guilty as charged. Lock him up and throw away the key. And anyone who said otherwise was obviously paid to slander his name. He loves his ship too, and all of his gold, and his feather weave. He loves all of his crew, even the sicklier orphans who are most certainly on their way off of the mortal coil already. He picks up a scrawny nervous kid from a tiny monastery because he needs a doctor, and so does his crew, and so does his ship and not for any other reason at all.

Orimar loves deeply and unapologetically. It's not all romantic, or horny. Sometimes he can understand that people aren't into that, and Orimar Vale is nothing if not respectable, and if anyone tells you otherwise point them in his direction because he has a slander charge he'd like to raise against them. Dref Wormwood, as he prefers to be called, is a slim tiny thing with maybe seven separate anxiety disorders that Orimar Vale adores. He's so sharp and so clever, give him a problem of any kind it'll be solved in a day or two. Sure, the kid might have worked himself up into thirty different states, but he'll get you a solution. Signed sealed delivered, there it is. He gives him an office, gives him tools and texts and lab coats. Robs several churches and doesn't ask questions. Whatever his doctor needs, Orimar will get for him, because it's Dref. If he wants something, it'll just help him out later. Orimar's pretty smart, actually. He has to be to stay alive for so long, in his line of work. He does get hurt sometimes, mostly when he's robbing churches, or when he's running away from the fucking Red Feathers because he was robbing a church, and hey- it's not like they have any proof he was doing that, they weren't there. He sinks most of them, some he doesn't bother with, because he's nothing without his legacy. Someone has to be around to tell everyone else that it was Orimar Vale, greatest corsair alive, who sunk them like an excited child sunk a paper boat in a puddle. Regardless of the military's ineptitude, and back to the infinity more interesting point. He would give his doctor relics and then watch as he worked, spinning profane miracles like they're nothing at all. Dref would always get this smile, it would spread over his entire face like the prettiest bloom, and he would take notes and shout 'yes' to himself whenever he something worked out just right. Orimar gets his arm shot off at some point. Who actually cares how it happened. (Fucking Red Feathers) He sits on Dref's examining table and watches his poor sweet doctor try and not vomit at the sight of all of the exposed muscle. It's a good thing he wears a red coat because otherwise, the staining would be way more obvious. Dref stutters through an apology, and Orimar gives him a wink. "Full faith." He says and means it, and Dref Wormwood gives him his arm back like it never even really left. "What a saint you are." And he'd blush all the way up to his ears, and Orimar gets to marvel at him all on his own.

Orimar loves deeply and unapologetically. Being dead isn't actually going to stop him from doing that. What is he, an amateur? His wonderful, brilliant, talented doctor fixed him, just like he always did. Things are stiff, and his body is not his own, not fully, and he can barely, really, barely move at all without Dref's wonderful distortion of magic coursing through his veins. Well okay, not his veins, cause he's not really using those anymore. Through the meat of his arms and his legs and his spine. Would you believe how hard it is to stand upright with non-functional nerve endings? Significantly harder than one would think, it turns out. It is a bit embarrassing, and not at all how he hoped Dref would end up in his bedroom one day, but he's here regardless, sewing foreign muscle and real and true magic into his body. He gets to enjoy Dref's excitement when he gets the wink right for the first time, gets to enjoy Dref's confused face when he can only begin walking with his left foot, gets to enjoy Dref's exhaustion, so wiped from all of the godhood in his body that he falls face-first onto the bed and passes out for a few hours. He cherishes every vague and distant moment, just vaguely aware of his doctor at the best of times. Death isn't so bad when he's got someone to share it with.

Orimar loves deeply and unapologetically. Sorry, Gable. Nothing personal, obviously. Orimar would love nothing more than to get to know you, get to know the real you, whatever weird celestial stuff you got going on sounds great. It really does. But Orimar severs their strings like gossamer thread and bolts out the window because as much as he'd like to sit here with Gable and Jonnit, great kids really both of them, and hold his Queen's heart tight and close and warm it as much as he can in his very not warm hands, there's somewhere he really has to be. He's never run this fast before, alive or otherwise. He's pretty sure something snapped, but Dref will understand, Dref will fix him, everything will be just fine, just good, as long as he can get to their hotel room. Does he shove past people? Yes. Does he apologize? Morally, sure. He bounds up stair after stair after stair when he feels it, the stab in his chest that- He falters. No- No- No- No- He's such a problem solver, such a smart kid, so clever- It has to be just- just phantom pains or something. He gets them sometimes, when he remembers his first mate, or when he remembers her. That's all- and again- even sharper- right up against his heart (if it was still beating he'd be bleeding by now) no- move harder, move faster, use the muscles his brilliant doctor sewed into him, another step another stair- he's so cold. he's never been this cold before. He's only a few moments from the door before the satisfaction floods him. Like his new second life, the sensation is so all-encompassing and so profusely- well fucking satisfying that he stills for a moment. He's honestly kind of upset they never got a chance to work out the tear ducts again because his face would be so wet right now. For a dozen reasons, sure, but now, more than anything, he's so happy for Dref Wormwood. He takes his moment. Alone for the first time in months. Unspeakably miserable. He thinks that's fair. He's always been a man of company. The fear ebbs away- no- he forces it away because that's not what Dref would have wanted. Orimar Vale, pretty great memory, as it turns out. Probably cause he's pretty smart. So he can remember every question Dref ever asked about what it was like, what that great final slumber was like. Orimar always wished he could tell then, or at the very least joke about how he wouldn't Really know. Cause he was there, and not like. Dead dead. He's so proud, ecstatic, over every moon that Dref's finally got his answers. Maybe, he'd be happier, overall, if it was peaceful and in his sleep and a million miles away from his god awful brother, but peaceful and in his sleep wouldn't have netted him nearly as many answers. One last moment, to remember a lifetime of swordcraft, to remember just how to bring down a blade, so it Hurt. So it Hurt more than anything in the entire fucking world. Where the muscles join the bone, where the joints were fragile, just how deep he could stab before some piece of shit started fainting. He shoves through the door, blade raised, and gives his biggest brightest smile before doing his very utmost best to rip Tiberius Youngblood to fucking shreds and to make the process last.

#skyjacks #campaign podcast #sky jacks #campaign skyjacks #writing #fullfic

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ayellowbirds · 7 years ago

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Keshet Rewatches All of Scooby-Doo, Pt. 1: "What a Night for a Knight"

("Scooby-Doo, Where Are You!" Season 1, Episode 1)

AKA, "Fred Jones, Amateur Burglar"

The Scoobynatural crossover got an itch started that needed scratching, so I took advantage of a county-wide library system to get the complete Scooby-Doo, Where Are You on DVD. I’m going to try to watch—and blog about—at least the entire run of this series, and maybe more beyond.

The episode opens with the creepy scene of a deliveryman carting a wooden box down a lonesome road on a moonlit night. The box is addressed to "Jameson Hyde White, Professor of Archeology (sic), London, England". The contents are revealed to be a suit of armor... with someone inside, as they open the lid and rear up menacingly.

More terrifying to me, however, is the fact that this package is completely unsecured! That truck doesn’t even have a proper bed with walls and tailgate, never mind the crate being secured in any manner. What the devil was keeping it in place, hope and spit?

Onto the scene arrive our heroes as Shaggy complains that Scooby insisted on staying at the movie theater to watch "Star: Dog Ranger of the North Woods", twice, keeping them out late. A chase after a bullfrog—familiar to any dog owner in areas with plenty of amphibians—leads the duo to discover the truck, now abandoned with the armor left empty at the driver’s seat. The rest of the gang join Shaggy and Scooby to investigate, and Daphne discovers delivery instructions that directed the driver to bring the crate to the County Museum.

"Another" mystery, Fred says, in the very first episode ever, implying that the gang was already well established as mystery-solvers at this point.

Rather than doing something sensible like contacting the police about an abandoned vehicle and signs of missing persons, the four teens and one dog help bring the armor the museum, where it has somehow gotten back into the crate. A curator, one “Mr. Wickles" offers his thanks, and explains that Prof. Hyde White disappeared mysteriously and relates that the “Black Knight” supposedly comes alive on the night of a full moon—just like the night before. He instructs some workers to put it away in the Medieval Room, and as Scooby follows along, he discovers a clue: a pair of unusual eyewear, or as Velma calls them, "some crazy kind of glasses" that nobody can identify.

Fred suggest the "one way to find out". I’ll admit that I’m pleased the gang’s next thought was to go to a library, but... again. Why not just go back to the museum? Fortunately, Velma has the pre-internet research prowess of an analogue Google, and finds an exact duplicate image of the specific kind of glasses in a book. Their origin in England leads Fred to suspect "something fishy", and declare that they’re going to "go fishing".

...i’m sure it sounded badass in his head.

On returning to the museum after dark, they find it locked "tighter than a drum", to Fred’s frustration. He pressures Shaggy into breaking and entering by pointing out that he’s the only one who would fit through a window on an upper level. I thought I knew where this was going, remembering a scene in one episode where Shaggy is revealed to be "the swingingest gymnast at [our] school", but, nope.

Fred pulls a non-folding ladder that is easily longer than the entire van itself out of the back of the Mystery Machine, revealing some other contents as background elements.

Fred.

Frederick "Freddie" Jones, what the hell are you prepping for with all that stuff in the back of the van?

It’s no wonder Mystery, Inc. later characterized him as an obsessive trapmaker with an absurdly large inventory of supplies. This is the kind of stuff that an experienced group of tabletop gamers would say their characters have in their inventory before doing a dungeon crawl or going after Cthulhu cultists, not what a gang of 15-17 year olds would keep in the back of their van. Fred has all the preparatory foresight of dwarves trying to reclaim Erebor.

Wait, did I say he’s prepared?

Turns out that’s bullshit, because the ladder is too short by a good couple meters.

So Fred raises it up with a car jack.

Which still isn’t enough.

So... ah, there it is.

Yes, this looks safe. No reason to worry at all.

That’s a pose that fills me with confidence.

Shaggy leaps inside and produces a catastrophic crashing noise that continues for a full twelve seconds, amidst musical stings and cringes from his friends. Cut to the interior, and Shaggy is amidst a pile of broken and shredded museum displays.

If there wasn’t a crime to be investigated in the first place, the tens of thousands of dollars in irreparable damage that Shaggy has done to priceless artifacts ensured that there’s going to be a murder. Hell, I want to kill the boy.

As the gang investigate the museum, an encounter with the Black Knight leads to Scooby knocking Velma’s glasses off, the first of many (at least, in viewers’ memories) incidents where she fumbles around comically—mistaking the Black Knight for Shaggy.

Now, i have very bad eyesight. Approximately 20/200, which is roughly the visual acuity of a newborn infant. Without my glasses, I can see clearly only far enough to suck boob. But I can still distinguish large objects and shapes based on color.

Velma’s vision must be exceptionally impaired.

She mistakes the Knight’s growling for Shaggy still suffering from a lingering cold, and...

...where exactly was she carrying that bottle? She’s even got a spoon to pour it into. Shaggy arrives on the scene, and Velma shoves the dose down his throat without noticing the villain, but—wait a minute.

Ah yes, there’s those good old-fashioned animation errors. Either that, or Velma paused offscreen to pick up her glasses, re-pour the medicine, and turn to give it to "Shaggy” without actually looking.

Meanwhile, Scooby manages to do so much damage to the museum’s fossil displays that i've become convinced the Black Knight is just trying to get revenge on these kids for what must now be about a million dollars of damage to museum property.

The kids discover a hidden room where paintings are being duplicated, including a very Rembrandt-esque one. Fred and Velma have it figured out, but refuse to explain things to Shaggy and Scooby—or the audience—and instead insist on finally going to the sheriff about this.

So of course, the Black Knight shows up, and the episode’s main chase scene begins. Numerous visual gags and canned laughter later, Shaggy demonstrates another improbable talent, throwing his voice to make it sound like it’s coming from an oversized ceramic pot at the other end of the room.

This fools the Black Knight long enough that Scooby manages to accidentally start the the on-display biplane the duo were hiding in, raising the question of why was a gassed-up biplane on display in a museum? Demonstrating his reality-warping powers as a cartoon character, Scooby pilots the plane through the museum, taking off after the wings are knocked clean off by a doorway. A loop-de-loop later, the plane has been crashed right into the Black Knight, killing him instantly stunning him and revealing his identity as Mr. Wickles.

Wickles’s art theft scheme revealed and Wickles under arrest, Scooby manages to discover Prof. Hyde White hidden underneath a cape and a Pacific Nowrthwest-looking mask, made to look like a museum display piece. The gang identify Hyde White in an instant despite this being the first time they’ve seen him, and the action cuts to the denouement, where Hyde White apparently is suffering no ill effects from having been forced into a standing position, bound and gagged, for at least 24 hours straight.

Oh, and Scooby puts on the Black Knight armor, scaring the gang one last time before revealing himself.

Oh you zany dog, how comical. Naturally this makes up for all the museum property you destroyed after breaking and entering. Nobody needs to be held responsible for that!

( i tried giving this a Read More but it seemed to glitch the text?)

#scooby doo #long post #KRAOSD

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delhi-architect2 · 5 years ago

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Journal - 4 Ways Architects Can Attract New Clients (and Impress Existing Ones)

Peter Eerlings is creator of Archisnapper, an intelligent site management app that helps architects create field reports with incredible efficiency — read more here. He also hosts a series of informative articles about technology and business for architects on the Archisnapper Blog, a selection of which we are glad to present on Architizer.

Let me paint a picture.

You’re checking your billable hours for the month. It’s been a pretty good one. Business is steady, but things are still tight. You had a personal goal of gaining 10 new clients by the end of the year and taking a fall vacation, but you’ve only managed to get two so far, and it’s already August. You love your current clients, but you know that finding new clients is how you can continue to grow your business and charge more for your services.

If any of that sounds like you, I’ve got good news: You can find more clients, and it might be easier than you think. You’re already a great architect, and more people need to know about the quality work you do. We’re going to talk about four simple ways you can find more clients without taking too much time away from what matters the most: your work.

There are plenty of articles on Architizer you could share with potential clients to get the conversation flowing; image via Type/Code.

1. Share Relevant Content With Potential Clients

You have clients you would love to work with — the ones who know what a good build looks like and are willing to pay top dollar for excellent work. Find that list and reach out to two of them each week. Find a relevant industry article, blog post or photo and send it to them.

News readers like feedly make it simple to find and save great articles and content worth sending. If you’re on Twitter or Facebook, you might already be looking at great stuff. Take a second to shoot these clients an email.

You could say something like this: Hi ___, I came across this (article/video/blog post) in ____ and knew you would appreciate it! Would love to hear your thoughts when you get a chance.

You could also end with a pleasantry like “Hope all is well” to make your message more of a conversation starter, and not simply a random email.

How Does This Help?

Business is inherently social, and in order to continue to grow, you need to be consistently reaching out and connecting. Collaboration and knowledge-sharing builds relationships, which can pay huge dividends later.

By becoming a resource today, you can set yourself up for major wins tomorrow. People always appreciate new ideas, and empathy goes a long way when trying to build those key partnerships for your business. When you become as helpful as possible, you always stand out.

2. Show People You Care

Gratitude is a renewable resource. It never gets old, and it can turn a client into an advocate, which is exactly the type of promotion you need. The world is a big place, and sometimes it can feel overwhelming, especially with all the tasks you have running a business. That’s exactly why you need systems to help you follow up and follow through.

Productivity systems like Trello enable you to save reminders to contact your network and always stay top of mind with new clientele. Try sending a customized graphic explaining how happy you are to work with a new client. Better yet, pick up the phone and thank them for trusting you with their business.

How Does This Help?

Most people forget to take the extra step to make people feel like they are a part of something special. You aren’t just an architect; you’re a problem solver! It may sound odd, but these simple actions can show a new client that you are willing to go above and beyond what is typically expected to ensure that you deliver a high-quality project.

Image via 3DA Systems

3. Give Awesome Advice

When you provide a prospective client with a recommendation or solution (at no charge), you can start a relationship that can continue long after their problem is over.

You never have to look far to find problems — it might be a simple typo in a potential project plan or insight into a specific build site they are looking into. Nudge them on Twitter or send them a quick email with your advice.

You can even take it a step further by not only alerting them to the issue, but also pointing them in the right direction with a solution. The easier you make their life, the more they’ll appreciate your efforts.

How Does This Help?

The more useful you become as a person and subject-expert, the higher your value becomes to a potential client. When your value continues to increase, you can easily transition into becoming the go-to person for client needs.

There is no competition when you are the best, and sharing your insights can help make sure you’re the first person top-quality prospective clients call when they need an expert.

4. Use Your Network to Make Introductions

Maybe you have a friend who specializes in commercial properties and a prospect who has mentioned they are looking for that specific type of build. Why not introduce the two?

You’ve just given two separate gifts: A potential client gets the exact insight and help they need, and you’ve also passed valuable business (and money) to someone else. Those are two more advocates that you can call on later.

You don’t have have to go far to see these opportunities. They are everywhere, and most people are too focused on other things to notice them. You may see it in a comment thread on your favorite blog, in a tweet or on Facebook. Here’s a sample script you can use:

Hi Samantha. I know you’ve been looking for someone to oversee the new commercial real estate project you mentioned a while ago. I have a colleague whose expertise is in that exact area and has a stellar track record. I’d be happy to connect you guys!

However you decide to structure your introduction message, remember to be brief and get to the point.

How Does This Help?

The best businesses thrive off of reciprocity. You are giving something freely that has incredible value to someone else, which means that you are bound to get that back in time. The more you connect, the bigger your reputation will get. You become the center of great advice and a trusted resource, simply by being observant and utilizing the people you already know.

That can translate into referrals and great word-of-mouth, which is still one of the best ways to grow a consistent pipeline of new clients, and best of all, satisfied and eager return customers.

Image via The Main

Conclusion

While the above four tips have different strategies, they have the same basic principle: Add value everywhere you can (for free). When your focus is on being a resource, clients inevitably end up coming to you.

Top image via The Main

Architizer is building tech tools to help power your practice: Click here to sign up now. Are you a manufacturer looking to connect with architects? Click here.

The post 4 Ways Architects Can Attract New Clients (and Impress Existing Ones) appeared first on Journal.

from Journal https://architizer.com/blog/practice/tools/young-architect-guide-attract-new-clients/ Originally published on ARCHITIZER RSS Feed: https://architizer.com/blog

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mcvfd · 6 years ago

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S05E02: Don’t Drink the Water in Baldur’s Gate

Nissa gets drunk. Carlos drinks his own pee. Kanye sees a puppy. Um wonders if asking the gang for help was a mistake.

TL;DR: The gang’s first assignment is to investigate a disease outbreak that the Queen thinks is caused by a deliberate contamination. Um, having already investigated this, quickly helps the gang find evidence that the outbreak is being caused by Taldic Lowery of Fresenius Restoration, who has been stockpiling medicine to cure the disease.

Background:

Long story short, we're no longer wanted criminals! We got pardoned, had a party in the castle, Queen flirted with half of everyone and invites everyone to her room at night

Okay Queen isn't actually flirting with us, she's actually a dragon and has had her eye on us since Master P, had very mom things to say.

She's secretly running things as an effectively immortal being, "steering the ship" for humanity's own good. We've now joined a secret group of problem solvers, not quite special ops. It comes with perks!

We haven't been told who the baddies are exactly - there's an implication that there are other immortal beings who don't like order as much - but the queen's plans are so long term they won't have any impact on our lives anyways

We have some special equipment and a job ready for this session

Bracers/magical items:

Nissa got a sweet ass belt buckle in the shape of a dragon

Carlos got a lighter on a Beastie Boys style chain

Um got a ring

Averlyth got a dangling ear cuff

Kanye got horn-rimmed unassuming hipster eyeglasses

Our first assignment:

The dragon queen suspects that the recent outbreak of eyerot along the Crimmor river is caused by deliberate contamination. Your assignment is to investigate the epidemic, resolve as per code of ethics.

Um remembers relevant info from when he had gone home for therapy after we brutally murdered Burnie Cinders:

Um had discovered there were lots of blind people around, infected by this disease caused eyerot

He had discovered a company, Fresenius Restoration, had started up pop up clinics that only had cures that worked for a couple days

And then later he found the owner - Taldic Lawrey, broke into his house, found records of various properties they owned (including a house not in a major city)

And then he went there and found a bunch of eyebright - either a plant or the name of the potion you make from the plant - and essentially this company is hoarding it

So Um went back with some and distributed it to Baldur's Gate and then got frustrated and then teleported into the future

Jarrod: "I'd like to make a suit of armor that looks like a suit and tie

Scott: "There it is. Good to have you back, Jarrod"

We can use our teleporters to fast-travel to the Baldur's Gate field office whenever we'd like (DM’s note: This is not accurate. You can teleport once to get to your assignment, and once more to get back home when it’s over)

They have resources available for us, e.g. they can figure out a distribution method for the cure, they can hire lawyers

[The group is informed that the intent of the magical item is fast travel and not to game with the possibilities of teleportation]

Jarrod: You know, we could just sell the real cure

Scott: That's right, we think Fresenius is on the right track

Mart: This is what happens when a character misses out on the entire morality arc

Brainstorming

We could profit from selling the real cure

We could take over a pop up clinic and sell the real cure

We still don't know where eyerot is actually coming

The group fast travels first, works with the field office

Nissa asks for records of the infection

They don't have computers but they can send magic crows and gather the info in a few hour

Carlos proposes having Averlyth check out the water until the water isn't that fucked up

Averlyth proposes infiltrating the pop up clinics and replacing the temporary cures with the permanent one

Um regretfully informs Averlyth that the temporary cure is actually just healing from clerics, not a medicine

Carlos proposes having a concert to dose everyone with the permanent cure, with the Cure playing

Kanye immediately proposes breaking the game mechanic of teleportation to have Averlyth doing both healing and the searching

The group decides to head down to the river.

Averlyth uses some kind of detect magic to look at the contamination - there's all sorts of gross things in there, but there's something that's definitely poison, although very faint

We wander up river for a couple of hours, leaving the bounds of the city hiking through the field. The traces of contamination don't seem to be changing in intensity, pointing to a possible source much further up river. Seems to confirm that it's not natural.

A magical raven shows up that can talk, but chooses not to (Kanye: The raven peers at you in disdain). Nissa takes the scroll and thanks the bird, he sorta rolls his eye and leaves

The scroll tells us that the initial research is that the outbreak has been happening up and down the river and that the outbreak was stronger but less numerous upstream.

They were able to discover there were no outbreaks above the city of Elturel.

Nissa verifies with the DM that we can't just teleport to any field office that we want to

Kanye verifies with the DM that we didn't all just get free far-speech from the magical bracer

DM: I'm going to write a book called don't play D&D with engineers

Carlos verifies with the DM that a permanent cure does not make you immune to further infections

DM: I mean, if you get penicillin after the clap, you can still get the clap, right?

Steve: ....why are you asking me?

Um reads off a possibly stolen scroll, reciting the background of eyerot and eyebright for the group in a dry doctor's voice

Averlyth: So from now on, for the couple days trip, no one drink anything until I purify it

Nissa: What if we bring a keg?

Averlyth: I'm just offering my purification services, you don't have to take them

Carlos: Got it, I'll just drink my own pee

The group has learned that Kanye might have PTSD from Gorevan reanimating fish on the boat during the original trip away from Mulmaster

Nissa questions how the group is supposed to expense the wagon

Kanye questions the per diem

DM clarifies there is no per diem or reimbursement, we're paid via access to stuff and loot

Averlyth: Do they have a limo-sized wagon?

DM: They do now. There's a dude out back frantically nailing together three wagons

Um: And three horses

The group acquires a stretched horse cart and several kegs of the finest quality ale and no fish

The group decides to stop by the warehouse, Fort Morninglord, (couple days trip) before heading up river to the city that may be the source of the poison. The plan is for Um to steal some of the cure (again) overnight before we make our way up towards dangerous waters.

Nothing has changed since Um's last visit. He waits until there's a gap in the patrol, then makes his way in. He sees a large stockpile of what must be thousands of doses of cure, a whole assembly line for making potions and drying racks of the herb.

He loads up his bag of 30 doses (10 full cures) and gets out without being noticed in like 15 minutes, group has barely sat down.

The group continues to the village of Elturel. There's couple of taverns, some inns, a church - it's more like a stop on the road rather than a trading hub.

Averlyth goes to the river bank to detect the magic again - the poison is diluted still, but definitely stronger here. It stops just up river of the village.

Kanye: All right! Let's kill the mayor

Kanye thinks he's drunk holy water and there's a very strong placebo effect

Nissa pores over the research, noting that there was a spike in the infections every few days for a couple of months now, and the last one was under a week ago

It doesn't seem like there are any obvious tracks around the river

The group splits up in the village!

Carlos goes to the LO-LYF Pub

Carlos pretends to represent a chemical company trying to figure out how to dump shit

Everyone knows he's bullshitting, but it's just how these people talk, they get how it works. Doug the Thug (tattooed on his knuckles) with a weird ear and a scar over his eye talks to Carlos. Doug P Thug. Douglas Penelope Thug. Of the New Hampshire thugs.

Carlos is able to find out that a bunch of local guys have been taking work at a dilapidated fort a couple days down the road, mostly ferrying chemical and drugs of some sort (no body really knows what) to and from various cities

Carlos questions how the jobs are happening, Doug says it's mostly a word of mouth kind of thing. One of the guys was working for a buddy of his, just keeps going on and on.

Carlos offers a pomegranate pipe for more info on how to get this job

Doug reveals there's a crew of guys heading out in the morning for the fort, and that if you meet them on the road at sun-up, you could probably just tag along with them.

Carlos pays the dude's tab.

Doug: "Take her sleazy"

Nissa goes to the High-life wine & dispensary (across the street)

The people have no idea what's going on

The weed is very good

Nissa gets extra weed for Carlos

Averlyth goes to the church (not a church of Bane) and unceremoniously performs some blood sacrifice and possibly graffiti

Averlyth gets kicked out, but she didn't try to talk to anyone anyways so whatever

Averlyth looks around for a pop-up clinic to see if she can help and possibly get info

There are no pop-up clinics in town since it's too small, but the doctor lets her know that he's been referring people to the next town over

Um lurks quietly at the Lo-Lyf

Saw Carlos working the room

Continues lurking and listening

Kanye is posted at the river

Kanye keeps a very active eye on people coming and going

Kanye doesn't seem any nefarious types carrying a biohazard oil can or any trench coats (although it is 2 in the afternoon)

Kanye: Maybe they're just trying to figure out the permanent cure and they need help, they've been using the warehouse to try and figure it out

Averlyth: They're also just poisoning people

Kanye: You're right we should just kill them all

Carlos and Kanye decide to go for the job

the others will go on the party wagon and try to stealthily trail behind them by half a day or so

We may not actually be that stealthy, there's sorta glass rolling around on the floors and things

Carlos spots the guy nominally in charge of these dudes, there's like 4 or 5 of them. He gives them a super complicated handshake. Guy goes "who's your friend?"

Kanye keeps trying to raise his shield of pedigree and Carlos keeps pushing it back down

Carlos's rental horse is Hyundae Alantra

Kanye has a rental miniature giant horse (it's just a pony but it's fucking ripped)

We're not sure if there's a real horse or if it's just a cardboard box cutout of a horse

Woodhouse is making clopping noises with coconuts

Carlos and Kanye ride up to the front gate of the fort in the morning. They're welcomed in, recognized as friends of Doug the Thug.

Nissa, Averlyth and Um are aways down the road. Um knows of a clearing up on a bluff with a view down on the fort, so we park the wagon and sober up.

"Professor" Proctor comes out of the fort. There's a squad of maybe 12 guys (the group that came in is like 5 or 6 dudes, plus some dudes that were already in the fort or came up this morning). It becomes clear that they have these freelance jobs on a regular basis - some of these guys look like they've been here bunch of times.

Proctor rattles off some instructions, for shipments, notes that there's a secret mission. Carlos volunteers for it, Doug the Thug says Carlos is a cool dude, Proctor says both Carlos and Kanye go with him, everyone else goes out and makes their delivers to Fresnius.

Not Fresno, a neighborhood in Neverwinter

Nissa has sobered up and was watching the guard rotation and stuff; she's guessing there's maybe about 15 guards in the place, not counting the thugs that just rolled in for assignments. A guard in the tower, guards patrolling the perimeter, etc, guards likely sleeping in the barracks.

Carlos and Kanye are led into Warehouse #1 - on one side of the warehouse is an enormous stack of padded crates containing cures (some of the guys are taking them and loading them onto horse carts). Near the middle of the warehouse there's sort of an assembly line production going on where dudes who are obviously junior alchemists are processing the herb and bottling it up, etc. There are drying racks, etc. Everything Um told us already

The alchemist takes the two of them to the far side where there is a smaller lab, which seems to contain about a gallon of a sickly green fluid in a receptacle hooked up to an apparatus. He takes it off, stoppers it and hands the two of them a letter and the gallon of sickly green fluid. The letter has a set of instructions telling them to bring the gallon all the way back to Elturel and depositing it at a very specific time for maximum potency.

On the way out of the fort, Carlos is looking around for any opportunities to place traps or leave backdoors open. Before he knows what's going on, Kanye has shoved the jug of poison into Carlos's arms and made a running start for Warehouse #2.

He makes it to the doors and slams straight into the sliding barn doors

The three start heading down the hill as soon as they see a large figure barreling towards the warehouse

Carlos pretends he doesn't know him and keeps walking

Kanye doesn't knock himself out but he is knocked flat on his ass for a second

Carlos (yelling to the closest guard): "It's okay, he thought he saw a puppy"

The guards don't know what to make of it because 1) It doesn't look like an attack, and 2) He hurt himself in the process

Kanye starts yelling about puppies

Carlos asks if there are puppies in the warehouses

The guard says he should leave

Carlos and Kanye communicate through fartie talkies that they're okay - Averlyth, Nissa and Um head back up to the wagon, and then the group reconvenes.

Averlyth is able to confirm that the poison is the concentrated shit that was seen in the river.

Significant group brainstorming

Plans to contact the authorities to arrest Taldic Lawrey

Carlos and Kanye will go confront TL

Nissa, Averlyth and Um will stand by at the fort

If he confesses to the poisoning plan, let the drake guard take it from there. Then, Nissa, Averlyth and Um can attack the fort, going for the cures and the alchemists at the same time (no chance for them to escape)

If he doesn't confess, then follow him to the house

If it turns out he's not the big bad........... will figure out then

Carlos: Yeah, and then we'll just call off the sting by farting into the fartie talkies

Averlyth: You realize that the fartie talkie does the farting, not us?

Carlos: Ohhhh I've been using it wrong this whole time

#recap

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youdecode · 5 years ago

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Benefits of Waking Up Early

Wondering the benefits of waking up early?

There are many but some are listed down below:

You will be able to tap your creative mind

If you have been following my blog then I am sure you know how big of a fan I am of the subconscious mind.

If you will befriend this mind then miracles are sure to follow.

By waking up early you are giving yourself enough time to register the ideas of the subconscious mind.

It is most active right after you wake up which is the theta state.

By rising early, you are in no hurry of digging yourself in worldly works.

Thus, during that you can use this time for acknowledging the signals of which your subconscious is sending and 90% of the time it is the creative signals.

If you wake up late then there will be so much noise around you.

So much stress in your head.

People can interrupt you and steal your creative time.

Contrary to this, when you wake up early, you can register the silence by blocking all the chitter-chatter for a few minutes.

You are in a better position to hear the talk of your subconscious mind.

What talk am I referring to?

I am talking about any idea or any signal received right after waking up.

That talk is sure of the subconscious mind because we know of the theta state.

You become more mindful

When you wake up early, you become capable of practicing gratitude.

You will notice that after waking up early the first thing which you will usually do is feel nature.

You will feel the serenity in the environment.

You will observe nature. Those skylines.

The painting on your morning canvas is so beautiful that you can not stop yourself from practicing gratitude.

If you are thinking that the story ends here then no! This gratitude sets the tone for the remainder of your day.

The energy with which you vibrate while gratitude is extremely high, sadly one cannot feel it because it’s faster light.

This high energy and positive feeling bless your entire day.

You are in the best position of planning, setting, and visualizing your goals

If you are already part of the decoder community then you know my stress on Journaling.

I have even taught triple G’s technique where the entire section is dedicated to goal setting.

Scripting out your goal has an insane power that I can vouch for.

By rising early, you have enough time to plan out your goals and take the intuition from the subconscious mind.

The intuition is that an invisible guide helps you set the goals which are in the best of your favor.

And you do not have to do anything to activate it. There is no button of course!

You just have to register its presence and how so?

The same concept as above. Your intuition is given by the subconscious mind and this mind is most receptive when you wake up.

You can use the faculties anytime you wake up but waking up early has power.

As you have enough alone and peacetime to register it.

You are also in a better position of achieving your goals:

The early you wake up the more progress you can make.

The most common and proven strategy which several successful people have applied in their life is doing the hardest task first.

They divide the tasks according to priority and dig into the least interesting one.

Yes this is the key for conquering mornings.

Every action taken in the morning moves a person closer to the goal. By the time others wake up.

You are half done

You’ll Feel Like You’re Better Than Other People

Achieving greater stuff in the morning gifts you the feeling of fulfillment. You feel empowered.

The most important thing is confidence.

Waking up early makes you a more confident person not only in your work but overall in your life.

No matter how much people deny it but human beings are wired to compare themselves with others.

This constant comparison exists.

You feel so confident that you can do so much when nearly half the population is sleeping.

It is human nature, can’t deny it.

After this cute comparison, one feels proud and honored.

This feeling changes the attitude of an individual at large.

Just by conquering your mornings you will become so proud of yourself that your friends/family/college/relations will see a great change in your personality.

It will be much more confident, fulfilled, and positive.

Better decision making

Fresh mind, without doubt, makes clearer decisions. If you have been suffering from the wrong decision-making then change your routine and try making important short or long term decision.

You Will Experience Stress Relief

The choices you make in the morning set the tone for the rest of the day, and if you make good choices, you can significantly reduce stress.

You will Be More Focused

Waking up early makes you a more focused person.

You will witness your productivity level rising because you get to make better utilization of your 24 hours.

Energy levels

By waking up early you will appreciate the energy levels.

The more you sleep the lousier you become.

The more headache you welcome. Thus waking up early is, without a doubt, the most healthy life choice.

You Are Solution Oriented

If you are not aware then most of the early risers are the problem solver.

I am not referring to any technical skills. I am referring to any domain of problem be it life or work.

Early risers have an open mind which can anticipate the problem coming.

One can see the obstacles from miles away. In this position the mind can solve the problem most efficiently.

Quietude

Another blessing which you get is quietude. You will not find kids yelling.

If you do not have kids at your place then your ears will get spared from hearing soccer balls, zooming of the cars, and noise from the television.

The peaceful morning is for you to breathe, think, and reflect.

Nature Appreciation

You might find it obvious. But sometimes it is worth mentioning the obvious.

It is worth reminding us how we are missing the obvious.

You will love how the sun will get brighter. How midnight blue will blend into orangish-yellow.

System Reboot

By waking up early you are not only favoring your mindset but also your whole body system.

You are in essence rebooting it.

Good morning means you had slept a good night.

Waking up early favors your regular sleep cycle.

You dropped your blood pressure to a healthy level. let your muscles repair and relax,

Your breathing stabilized

Body temperature slowed.

Become a better organizer

You will become extremely organized in every domain of your life be it personal and professional.

Waking up early will teach the essential essence of time management which apart from making you productive will also make you more organized.

No more complaining

You will no longer complain, “It is a busy life. I do not have enough time”

By waking up early, you will be reprogrammed about the time limitations.

You will have a shift in the mindset that you have ample time to get things done.

You will not complain that there are not enough hours in the day.

More family time – finding the balance

In this rat race, where competition is rising every second we are bound to feel pressured.

We are bound to strive and struggle for that ideal future where every moment will be perfect.

The moment when you could look back be proud of yourself.

The truth is that the “ideal moment” will never come because the future is a delusion.

Even if the moment comes, of times, you would not recognize it. It will just pass by. Just as another moment.

Why? Because while you’re experiencing the perfect future, the definition of “perfect” will change.

You will wish for something else and then work towards it.

This is reality.

We get trapped in this vicious cycle.

And what has the opportunity cost? What we lose when working towards an ideal moment: family time.

By waking up early, you will be unwinding yourself. Instead of running tirelessly after perfect moments, you will strive for a balance.

This is the best time where you prioritize things in your life, the ones you care about the most.

By getting things done early in the morning, you become in the position of giving your evenings to your family.

Getting early relief your from stress and long term depression

You do not get late in anything thus your tasks do get delayed.

Because of the proper schedule, your eating time is not compromised and nor does the sleep cycle.

This continued lifestyle protects you from unnecessary stress.

On the contrary, if you would have been an owl then things would be different.

Some studies show owls are almost three times more likely to experience depression than morning larks.

Because their life gets out of control owing to poor time management.

It affects all major areas of health, wealth, and relationships of their life.

Some other quick benefits:

By waking up early you will have more time to exercise

Your skin will look healthy

Develop a Positive Attitude towards people

You will learn to avoid petty things

This habit can drastically change your personality

You will have enough time to prepare a healthy meal

Self-confidence will mount along with the self-assertion

You will enjoy a pressure-free life

The post Benefits of Waking Up Early appeared first on You Decode.

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junker-town · 8 years ago

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NFL Dad, Week 4: More chili and fewer Disney princesses, please

One dad, two toddlers, and six hours of the RedZone Channel: The story

I missed the national anthem because I was making chili.

I did not mean it as a slight to the flag, or to myself as a veteran. I honor and respect my own service. I merely wanted to make sure that the chili came to a boil before I turned it down to simmer for the next several hours.

It’s the first weekend of football where the weather feels like fall, and that means chili. Like certain other internet football writers, I love making chili. But I do not have a spicy chili take for you. My chili take is the same as my guacamole take: the bar is extremely low to be very delicious. Everyone has their magical secret that they claim is the KEY to the tastiest chili on the planet, and they should embrace the truth that gives them the best chili experience. But I think the greater truth is that chili is the ‘94 Cowboys, and we’re all just Barry Switzer.

Hey, don’t feel bad. Switzer won a Super Bowl! He’s like if Mike McCarthy had swag.

EARLY GAMES, FIRST HALF

— Jaguars-Jets, man. We really gonna do this?

And yet: Blake Bortles actually converts a third-and-nine with a real pass, and a few plays later he finds Leonard Fournette on a swing pass for a touchdown. 7-0 Jags in MetLife.

Next drive: Bilal Powell falls to the ground after lunging through the line, then gets up and sprints through the Jacksonville D for a 75-yard touchdown, the longest run in Jets history.

This is gonna be the best game today, huh?

— My son is about to go down for his nap, so I read him The House in the Night, which sounds like a horror movie but I swear is a very good bedtime book for young children. As I read, he glances up at Rams-Cowboys, so I hold the book directly in front of his face. How am I supposed to explain to my kids that the Rams have a good offense?

The kids go down within three minutes of each other. Naptime songs: a Spanish lullaby called “Los Pollitos” for my daughter and “Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star” for my son. I sing or hear “Twinkle Twinkle” probably 10 times a day. It’s the only song my daughter ever requests, and my son has now started humming it throughout the day. You know who sings a great version of it? Lisa Loeb. I long for the day when my kids are hooked on Moana. Moana bangs.

— In one of my fantasy leagues, I’m facing Ezekiel Elliott AND Todd Gurley, making every click to Rams-Cowboys fraught with anxiety. Naturally, Zeke is already scoring on a simple swing pass to the left. Alec Ogletree tried to tackle Elliott by the shoulders instead of pushing him out of bounds. The result: Ogletree is the one who goes flying out of bounds.

— With the exception of Moana and maybe Frozen, the rest of the Disney princesses are a scourge on parenthood. The Disney Princess Industrial Complex essentially operates like the anti-vaccine movement. No matter how many parents want to raise their daughters to be action-oriented, independent problem solvers, there’s always a nanny or a grandmother who’s pushing Sleeping Beauty or Snow White (which are the SAME DAMN STORY), and that shit spreads like the plague.

And regardless of your feelings on feminism, the message isn’t a great one to send your kids. “Got a problem? Just go to sleep and someone will take care of it.” That only works if your dad owns an NFL team.

— Will Fuller catches a 16-yard touchdown from Deshaun Watson, and the Texans are up on the Titans 21-0 early in the 2nd quarter. Wow, isn’t it crazy that the rookie quarterback most prepared for the pros was the guy who was the best player on the field in consecutive national title games against Alabama? Who could have foreseen that? The guy just flew under the radar.

Good job by the Bears to trade up to get the guy who started for NC State for a year, though.

— My daughter is infected with that princess virus, by the way. After spending the last week obsessed with Ariel and The Little Mermaid, the new game we played outside today is “I’m Cinderella!” She pretends to put on a dress, rides in a coach to the ball (the other side of the courtyard), dances, then leaves the ball. Then we play again. And again. And again.

You ever throw a tennis ball for a tireless Labrador retriever? It’s like that. Early on, I make all the horsey sounds on the way to the ball, and I pick her up and waltz in circles while humming “The Blue Danube” (FULL DISCLOSURE: this moment is magical, and by itself justifies having children). By the fifth time, though, it’s like, “OK, sweetie, have fun at the ball,” while I sit on the pavement.

I have never given my daughter a fairy tale book or Disney media of any kind, by the way. Kids just end up with the knowledge and matériel through their toddler network of spies and informants.

— Alfred Morris breaks off a 70-yard run, and I’m enthralled by the prospect of a Cowboys touchdown being scored by someone other than Elliott. But of COURSE Morris gets tackled a few yards short of the goal line.

Zeke, of course, punches it in from two yards out. But wait! It gets overturned on review; the officials rule he was short of the end zone. So, Zeke immediately gets the ball again and scores easily. The lesson? Never play fantasy football.

— I’m seeing it more on Twitter than on RedZone, but Antonio Brown went wild on the Steelers sideline, flipping a Gatorade cooler and yelling at coaches after not getting the ball deep on third down despite being open. Look at this topspin! Rafael Nadal would be jealous.

If you’re inclined to chastise Brown for the angry display, please keep in mind that he has to interact with Todd Haley six days a week. That would push anyone the edge.

— Gio Bernard takes a screen pass and goes 61 yards completely untouched to put the Bengals up 21-0 over the Browns, and I think that’s all I need to write about this game today. The Battle of Ohio: There Couldn’t Possibly Be Less at Stake™.

— Dalvin Cook scores a short TD to put Vikings up 7-3 over the Lions just before halftime. This game has been punt-filled death slog, but Cook justifies its existence. Like Deshaun Watson at quarterback, Cook was the running back who, if you watched what he did in college, you naturally assumed he would be good in the pros*. It’s why I drafted him on three of my four fantasy teams. Love that guy.

*statement applies only to sane people who aren’t NFL scouts

— Juju Smith-Schuster scores and has an INCREDIBLY good TD celebration.

HADOUKEN http://pic.twitter.com/gdHBwEOlmW

— Mike Tunison (@xmasape) October 1, 2017

After the game, Smith-Schuster will insist that this is the kamehameha from Dragon Ball Z, but that’s only because he never had the pleasure of playing Street Fighter.

— Stephen Gostkowski doinks in a 50-yard field goal as the first half ends. The Pats trail 17-16 at home to the Panthers. QUELLE INTRIGUE!

— Facing fourth-and-21 on their own 47 with 22 seconds left in the half, the Jets run a fake punt ... and convert it! Incredible. The MOST Jetsy thing the Jets could have done is hilariously mess that up, but the second-most Jetsy thing is convert it by having one Jet collide into the Jet ballcarrier, inadvertently redirecting him away from tacklers.

... Annnnnnd they missed the ensuing field goal. (*jazz hands*) The Aristo-Jets!

EARLY GAMES, SECOND HALF

— At halftime of the early games, I get to see highlights from this morning’s Dolphins-Saints game in London. Oh my Lord, the Dolphins got shut out by the Saints. THE SAINTS!!! And just a week after Miami managed just six points against the Jets. The Dolphins should be contracted immediately.

I can only assume this was a Cutlerian performance for the ages. (*performs quick Google search*)

Cutler really selling his role in the Wildcat at the bottom of the screen http://pic.twitter.com/WgHxXvxlHL

— Mike Tunison (@xmasape) October 1, 2017

Ohhhh yeah, that’s the stuff! He’s still my favorite NFL player who doesn’t want to be in the NFL.

— The Bills score a defensive TD on a scoop-and-score to take the lead in Atlanta. It’s a questionable call: it could or maybe even should have been ruled a forward pass, but there hasn’t been much about this game that suggests the Falcons should be winning anyway.

— Will Fuller scores on 10-yard fade, his second TD. hey, welcome back, Will Fuller! I remember being excited about Fuller’s career after he opened it with back-to-back 100-yard games. And then: BROCKED. He spent the rest of 2016 in the same barren wilds as DeAndre Hopkins, running fruitless routes as Osweiler checked down to C.J. Fiedorowicz and Ryan Griffin underneath. I hope Fuller and Hopkins score 20 touchdowns apiece this season. They deserve it.

P.S. Deshaun Watson was the top-ranked quarterback in the draft according to ESPN, Sports Illustrated, Pro Football Focus, and (of course) SB Nation. He was the third selected. The two quarterbacks taken ahead of him have thrown a combined zero passes this season. Try to remember this when the Lamar Jackson smear campaign starts next spring.

— Dalvin Cook grabs his left knee mid-play and fumbles. NOOOOOOO my dear sweet Dalvin! That’s an ACL tear. No need to wait for the reports, that’s as obvious as can be. The Vikings have a 7-6 lead, 25 minutes to play, and Case Keenum at quarterback. I am etching VIKINGS LOSE in my stone tablet.

Elsewhere, Marcus Mariota is out with a hamstring injury, and Julio Jones is out with a hip injury (the Falcons have also lost Mohamed Sanu). No one can have any fun things.

— The Bills appear to be leaning on the run:

11-minute field goal drive by Buffalo. I didn't enjoy it, but it was beautiful

— jason (@JasonKirkSBN) October 1, 2017

— On first-and-goal in Foxborough, Cam Newton keeps a read-option and barrels into the end zone. The Panthers are up two touchdowns in New England with 13 minutes to play, and the Pats defense looks like butt.

The Patriots have allowed the opposing QB to throw for 300+ pass yards in all 4 games this season. They had 3 such games all of last season

— NFL Research (@NFLResearch) October 1, 2017

CORRECTION: The Pats defense IS butt.

— Our dog is giving my wife and I the nervous look that tells us she has to pee. My wife volunteers to take her for a walk, but says, “I’m wearing short-shorts.” Our son is sleeping in our room, so she has no access to warmer pants.

“I cannot help you,” I say, assuming she can be cold for a minute.

“You can give me your pants,” she says. I weigh nearly one-and-half times what she does; my canvas pants seem unlikely to fit.

But I know which battles to fight in marriage, and this hand is an easy fold. Off go my pants. She puts them on. “Do I look like a man?” she asks.

“The important thing is that you’ll be warm,” is the thing I should have said.

— Todd Gurley splits out wide and catches a slant, then looks like Sammy Watkins as he races past the defense. The touchdown gives the Rams the lead, 26-24.

— (*spins Wheel of Misfortune*) C’monnn, Jets! Show me Jets! (*wheel lands on JETS*)

.@MYLESJACK. WOW. 82-yard fumble return TD! #JAXvsNYJ http://pic.twitter.com/MBo9v9P0T8

— NFL (@NFL) October 1, 2017

— Watch out, world! Matt Cassel is here to bring the Titans back! ... down to Earth. Or perhaps a little lower than that. His second interception in seven throws is a pick-six. It’s 54-14, Texans.

Is it still political to suggest that perhaps an NFL team should employ Colin Kaepernick?

— The endings of the early games happen in a flurry just as my children wake up, and it’s goddamn pandemonium in my home. This is merely a summary:

The Falcons choke twice and lose.

The Vikings pretend to have a chance, but they never did.

The Cowboys can’t keep up with the Rams’ furious field goal kicking. Greg Zuerlein finishes with seven FGs and the Cowboys fall, 35-30.

Tom Brady leads the Pats on a comeback to tie the game, but the Panthers kick a game-winning field goal as time expires. The Bills lead the AFC East. The Pats are tied with the Jets. MWAHAHAHAHAHA.

LATE GAMES, FIRST HALF

— This week in Marshawn Lynch:

Raiders RB Marshawn Lynch wearing an "Everybody vs Trump" T-shirt: http://pic.twitter.com/7aiCUbjLUD

— Adam Schefter (@AdamSchefter) October 1, 2017

This Marshawn Lynch and Kevin Durant mural in Oakland is amazing ( : jc.ro / Instagram) http://pic.twitter.com/VIcPdIPqdq

— SB Nation (@SBNation) October 1, 2017

— The chaos of the post-nap toddler rodeo is tamped down by breadsticks and hummus. When in doubt, feed the children.

— All of the early games are over except Jaguars-Jets:

We have OVERTIME! #JAXvsNYJ

— NFL (@NFL) October 1, 2017

I assume the NFL is trying to convey excitement, but it makes more sense if you read that as an urgent public warning. “EVERYBODY! Calmly and quickly move to the exits. This game is going to OVERTIME!”

— Mike Evans scores a touchdown to post the Bucs to an early 7-0 over the Giants in Tampa, where it is 92 degrees and raining on the first day of October. NEVER TAMPA.

— Chili time! It’s only a little after 4:00 — nowhere close to dinner time — but I didn’t eat lunch. Come to think of it, did I even eat breakfast? I take stock of the food I’ve eaten today, and 100% of my food intake is scraps that my children didn’t finish. No wonder I’m running on empty. I fill a ramekin with chili (a full bowl would ruin dinner!) and top it with cheese.

— The Jets win. Whoop-dee-doo. I maintain that we should have sent both teams home with a tie and spared everyone the thrill of extra Josh McCown.

— Some Bronco named Derby makes a spectacular one-handed catch on the sideline for a touchdown.

Easily the best play of the day so far, and it was made by someone I’ve never heard of until today. It’s been a while since Peyton Manning made fantasy owners know every tight end on the Bronco depth chart.

— I put my daughter’s hair in a ponytail, then secure the stray hair that falls into her face with a bow. I couldn’t do this a month ago. I’ve had short hair all my life; making a ponytail was an entirely new life skill.

And before you laugh: yes, I technically knew how to make one. But knowing how and actually doing it are two very different things. Like, I know how to make that one-handed catch that Derby made, but I couldn’t attempt it without falling on my face and/or suffering several pulled muscles. Same thing with giving a toddler a ponytail: pull one little hair, and you’ve got tears, screaming, and no second chance.

— It’s 4:51 and MAYBE I’m having a second ramekin of chili. ONLY GOD CAN JUDGE ME.

— Tyrell Williams scores on a 75-yard bomb from Philip Rivers. I love to joke about Rivers’ floaty passes, but that was a perfect bomb.

— 5:12 p.m.: The second ramekin of chili was a mistake. I can barely keep my eyes open.

The kids don’t get chili, by the way. This is partly because neither is potty-trained, and I don’t want to deal with the diapers. But it’s also because my daughter says, “Too spicy!” even though I didn’t add the habanero that gives the chili the heat I like it to have SPECIFICALLY so she could try it. Parenting: Enjoy everything you love just a little less.™

— Eli Manning scrambles for a touchdown from 14 yards out, his first rushing TD since 2014. He now leads the Giants in rushing scores. He had -9 rushing yards all last season.

The Giants are down 13-10 now, but whatever the final score ends up being, the Bucs lose.

— After two near-turnovers on one drive, Carson Palmer is sacked on third down, forcing a punt. He looks terrible. Cards trail 6-3 late in the first half. The less I say about this game, the better. (The only other note I have from this half is “Hoyer armpunt.”)

— SO SLEEPY.

LATE GAMES, SECOND HALF

— Halftime of the late games coincides nicely with my kids’ bath time, so I chase my daughter around the apartment while she yells “NAKED KID IN THE HOUSE” before I can finally get her in the tub. And for once, my kids actually deign to (A) sit down in the tub and (B) bathe together without fighting. My daughter puts bubbles on her little brother (“I’m giving him a bubble tank top!”), then wraps a plastic T-Rex in a wash cloth to keep him warm. Reptiles ARE cold-blooded, you know.

— I’m relieved there’s no Seahawks game until tonight. I don’t know how it usually reads in the column, but trying to watch your dumb stupid moron team protect its excellent quarterback by diving onto the ground while you try to guide your children through dinner, baths, and a calm period before bedtime is goddamn RUINOUS for my nerves. Banish the Seahawks to Monday Night Football every week, I say.

Unfortunately, the Niners lead the Cards 9-6 and this game looks EXTREMELY like the usual Seahawks bullshit. Yes, technically, this is NFC West bullshit, but we know who patient zero is.

— Every announcer calls Eli Manning “Eli.” So annoying. Did he send you a Christmas card? No? Then call him “Manning” like a professional. He’s not your best friend. He’s not your little brother. He’s a paste-eating 36-year-old who’s got one wish left from the genie.

Related: the Bucs are losing 17-16 at the end of the third quarter. How can you lose to this Giants team? Oh right, make Eli Manning look like Marcus Mariota.

— I read my son Boats Go while Denver kicks a field goal to go up 13-7. It’s a great board book for young toddlers: it’s just a bunch of different kinds of boats that you make the sounds for. My son, who typically jumps out of my lap to go crash through a wall three pages into any book, laughs and claps throughout.

There are other books in the series — Trains Go, Planes Go, Cars Go, etc — but the boats are where it’s at. Every train sounds the same, don’t try to sell me lies.

— My RedZone picture keeps freezing, sometimes for minutes at a time. From what I can tell, Khalil Mack is the only Raider on defense.

— My daughter is finally out of the bath after 30 minutes. “My hands are wrink-a-dee,” she says, and I don’t want to correct her. Kids saying things wrong is one of my favorite little things about being a parent. She calls triangles “tri-ang-guh-rulls,” and the extra syllable reminds me of Homer Simpson saying “saxomophone.”

— The backlash to Tony Romo has already begun, and it’s too much for even a cynical and weary internet traveler like myself.

Listening to Tony Romo is like getting puppies thrown at you with ever-increasing velocity

— Jay Busbee (@jaybusbee) October 1, 2017

He’s still great! I’m amazed that people can love a guy in Week 1 and turn on him by Week 4. Y’all are never gonna have a successful marriage.

— I click to CBS for Romo’s call of OAK-DEN because my RedZone has been frozen for too long, then back and forth between the two network games (the other is TB-NYG), like some kind of prole. Ugh.

— Mike Evans with a drop on first-and-10 at the slightest bit of contact. Now, I love Evans. He has no good comparison in the NFL: He’s totally unique in his size and ability in the red zone, but man, his floor is Kenny Britt.

Ben McAdoo challenges the play (he thinks it’s a fumble), but of course he loses the challenge and a timeout. McAdoo’s entire vibe is “gym teacher going through a divorce,” but he’d still win a custody hearing before a coach’s challenge.

That drop leads to the Bucs going for it on fourth-and-two, and the pass to Cameron Brate falls incomplete.

The best 4th down throw the Bucs have is a slant to a TE who isn't OJ Howard?? I'm selling my Bucs stock.

— Geoff Schwartz (@geoffschwartz) October 1, 2017

— Derek Carr out with a back injury, and Oakland is down 16-7 in Denver. Enter E.J. Manuel. This game is over.

— The ticker says 49ers-Cardinals is 12-12. Iowa-ass game.

— While I was putting the kids to bed, the Giants took the lead in Tampa. But I’m back for Nick Folk’s game-winning field goal from 34 yards out. Bucs win! Giants cover!

— OF COURSE the 49ers and Cardinals are going to overtime. Each team has scored one field goal per quarter so far, let’s kick some more field goals and call it a tie.

I am dead serious: I reject the entire notion of regular-season overtime. Y’all played 60 minutes of skullsmash and ended up with the same amount of points? Congratulations, that’s a tie, we’ll see you again next week.

Like, we have super-computers that can figure ties into playoff seeding and draft position; why do people get so mad about ties? “DURRRR it’s like kissing your sister!” No it’s not. Two teams finishing a game with the same number of points is nothing like incestuous foreplay. Let them play overtime in the playoffs, when the games NEED to have a winner.

Anyway, with the Niners leading 15-12, Larry Fitzgerald scores a last-minute touchdown for the Cardinals to win the game. Some people will use this to celebrate overtime’s existence, but I don’t think the ends justify the means. Overtime still blows.

I’m having another bowl of chili.

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