#some angsst

[damienthepious]

did you know that it's a full moon tonight? because that fact has shaped ALL my writing progress today.

i fucking hate this new editor by the way. i can BARELY fucking post fic at all anymore and it's fucking banishing me to the phantom zone. go read my fic on ao3 instead im begging you.

raised by wolves

[ao3]

Fandom: The Penumbra Podcast

Relationships: Lord Arum/Sir Damien/Rilla

Characters: Rilla, Sir Damien, Lord Arum, The Keep

Additional Tags: Second Citadel, Lizard Kissin' Tuesday, Established Relationship, Alternate Universe - Werewolf, Werewolf!Rilla specifically, Secrets, (look i think rilla deserves to have some angsst explored for once), (uhhhh god there have GOT to be more tags uhh. i don't know i'll add more later), (In later chapters there will be), Implied/Referenced Harm to Children, Implied/Referenced Violence, Mild Injury

Summary: Rilla is keeping secrets.

Notes: This didn't exist this morning and now i've got a new fucking multichapter to worry about jesus fuck. hopefully (LMAO) this one won't actually be that long? if it goes according to.. plan???? yeah. right. fine. okayfine.

~

Rilla has always liked straight lines. Consistent rules. Categories, into which data points will neatly fall.

This might, possibly, have something to do with all the categories she falls between the cracks of, herself. Or maybe she was always going to be like this. Who knows? She doesn't exactly have a control group to check with. Life doesn't work like that; neat and tidy like her experiments. Life is messy. Her life, in particular, is messy. But, hey, at least it's messy mostly on a predictable cycle. Mostly.

Rilla packs her usual bag, false bottom carefully in place with her new tinctures alongside the old standbys. She pulls her hair out of her face and into a braid, and picks her way down to the greenhouse to say her goodbyes.

A newer wrinkle in the routine: saying her see-you-in-a-couple-days, I-promise-I'll-be-safe, try-to-remember-that-I-love-yous in the Keep, now, and not in her own hut. Saying them to Arum, too.

Arum hasn't questioned her absences, yet, because she goes off on her own all the time anyway, and because he never really seems to question her about leaving the Keep. She can tell that he doesn't want to remind her of being kept here, and... that isn't necessary, really, but it's sweet, in a way.

He and Damien can keep each other company while she's gone, too. Which is nice. Damien doesn't have to be quite so lonely when she's gone, anymore (and Arum doesn't have to be lonely at all, if she can help it).

She kisses Damien deep, distracted by the way his skin smells, this close to the moon, and when she pulls back Arum nuzzles his snout into her neck in a way that makes her want to growl, though she manages to suppress the urge into just a shudder as she wraps an arm around him and squeezes. No time for fun, just now, unfortunately. She kisses Arum's cheek, light and sweet to make him scowl, and then she peels herself away with a casual wave.

The Keep's portal drops her in the front room of her hut, receding back into the wide planter to the left of the hearth with a gentle farewell warble from the Keep (or at least... what she assumes is a gentle farewell warble), and Rilla grabs another one or two things to stuff into her pack before she steps out of the hut, locks up, and marches into the jungle.

Damien thinks that her monthly disappearances have to do with harvesting rare medicinal plants with very particular blooming cycles, which is... partly true. There are flowers and herbs to be harvested during the day, when she can. She doesn't like being less than honest with Damien, but she's been less than honest with every single person she's ever known since her parents were Exiled. And- it's a medical condition. Sort of. She's allowed to keep a medical condition private if she wants to.

Arum...

Arum complicates things. He's good at that.

Arum complicates her excuses for not telling Damien, specifically. Because if Damien can, in fact, put aside his animosities and find room in his heart for a monster...

(Maybe she could have told him ages ago.)

(Or maybe not. Maybe it would have been too much, before. Maybe he would have been terrified. Maybe he would have felt betrayed. Maybe he would have told the Crown. Maybe he would have-)

No one knows about the second hut, the same way no one knows about her condition. Though... "hut" is generous. Her home is a hut, cozy and carefully cluttered and warm and welcoming. This building is more of a shack, really. It's a fair hike from the hut, but she can get there before dusk with time to spare, which is pretty much the point. Technically speaking, she could just overnight here and then come back home during the day, if she really pushed it, but that would be a lot harder to explain than just saying that she needs to travel to a distant grove for botanical purposes.

It looks abandoned and ramshackle, but the door and the lock are sturdy, and Rilla has the key.

Sturdy, reinforced walls, a wooden locking bar to make certain that nothing gets in and out, no windows. Bare floors, excepting a chair and a desk in one corner for a little bit of reading or writing during the day, and a chest to keep her things in. Mostly open space, where Rilla spreads out the blankets she brought, right in front of the metal hoops for the chains.

She cut her timing a little close today, mostly because she wanted to actually enjoy her morning with Damien and Arum. She sighs, stretches, and unpacks her extra clothes into the chest so she can get to the false bottom of her pack and pull out her medicine.

First night. She'll go with her standby tincture, this time. She has a new experimental blend she wants to try, but she'd rather save it for tomorrow, the full moon, and see how it affects her on the day that hits her with the most severe symptoms. This one, she at least knows that it'll keep her mostly placid.

She sighs, uncorks the vial and slams it back like a shot, wrinkling her nose at the taste.

The medicine makes her memory a bit... muddy? But even before she developed this particular treatment regimen, she couldn't remember much about what happened, what she would do on the nights immediately surrounding the full moon.

She does know that she hates it here. Hates the chains, hates the wood against her claws, hates the drowsiness from the medicine. Hates being alone.

She packs her kit back up. She undresses to her underclothes, then stows her dress and shoes and the tinctures into the chest before she closes it with a click.

She goes to sit on the blankets on the floor, then, fixing the harness around her neck and chest and adjusting it to the marked positions. Rilla has been alone in one way or another since her parents left, she reminds herself as she settles in to wait, her skin already prickling and her eyes adjusting far too quickly to the dark.

The wolf will just have to cope.

[yuudefensesquad]

“stupid guren”

[meiloorun-notthefruit]

The Bunny Children

Some Accurate History: The bunny children were featured for the first time in the cartoon Poor Papa on June 11th, 1928. By then, Universal had already taken the rights to Oswald the Lucky Rabbit, so they were the Studio to release the cartoon. But Poor Papa cartoon was originally made in 1927 - it was actually the first Oswald cartoon made. 

So in summary, the Bunny Children debuted in 1928, but have been around since 1927.

So the Bunny Children; what happens to them, after Oswald is taken away to Universal? What happens to Ortensia? What happens to Mickey’s nephews (all 421 of them), after their father is taken away?

Well, in the Toon Life Ain’t That Great AU, Mickey is their primary caretaker, and bOY is he unprepared. That’s because Walt, who is covering up Oswald’s existence, tries to hide them too. 

That doesn’t go well and Mickey finds them and these children, they’re his nephews and they’ve just lost their parents, so Mickey decides he’s going to take care of them; he’s going to protect all of them, aLL Of thEM, with his life. He’s doing this because he wants to, and because he doesn’t want to fail Oswald.

So yes, prepare for lots and lots and LOTS of Uncle and nephew/nieces fluff and angst and family moments: because Mickey and the Bunny Children and Donald and Webby, Huey, Dewey, and Louie; they’re the ultimate worried for their children-not-children uncles.

paging @jswatson-holmes for reasons. 

[technowoah]

Hello! This is my first time requesting something so I might be bad at it.But I think angst Promos 41,43,49 and 50 would be cool with a platonic big sister!reader with c!tommy!It’s ok if you don’t do this and do you have anons? If you do can I please be 🦢 anon?

And Hide From The Sun

You and Tommy get into a fight, then you two get into a bigger fight

- c!Tommy x sister/sibling!reader

- requested!

Prompts

41) "Im always the bad guy"

43) “Move out of my way before I make you.”

49) "I dont need your pity anymore."

50) "Fuck off... I mean it"

⚠︎: swearing, fighting, mentions of wounds, angssts not proofread as always

An// I feel like Ive done something like this before- but it was just my imagination. And thanks 🦢 anon 😘

The sky was dark because the smoke evolved the sky making the scene seem even more hopeless.

Technoblade was no where in sight, he just set out 3 withers into the world. Three was all you could see with the smoke rising from the craters in thr ground from Wilbur's grand exit and the blinding fireworks flashing around you.

Wilbur had just blown up L'Manburg, but you had no time to grive and feel sad, with a sword in your hand you had no choice but to but those feeling aside and tried to fight and save anyone you could.

You could see Quackity and Punz fighting off a wither nearly missing their own deaths, you saw Niki throwing potions around helping anyone who walked through them. Then you saw Tommy and Tubbo swinging their swords blindly at a wither trying to get it far enough away so they can collect themselves.

You decided to run towards the two throwing a harming potion at the wither while it shuttered and flew away a couple of feet.

"Run!" You screamed at the two.

You began to run the opposite way with Tubbo following closely behind. Tubbo began to run faster and further than you while you slowed down. You turned around to see Tommy staring back at you with this look in his eyes.

It looked like he was in pain, he looked like he was just betrayed. He then put a scowl on his face and gripped his sword tighter.

"I dont need your help." Tommy said sternly then turned around to fight the same wither who was still hurt.

You sighed as Tubbo called you over from behind a small hill. You ran over to him and brung out some healing potions to help each other.

As the healing potion worked on your bodies you felt horrible. You felt sick.

You peaked your head over the small hill to see Tommy still struggling to fight the wither. His face was covered with bruises and cuts.

You felt like it was your fault he was fighting this hard. Fighting hard for nothing.

Hours ago

You sat in pogtopia with all of your armor already around you. You sat on the stairs watching everyone rush around you to get supplies or talk to someone quickly.

Tension in the air was thick. No matter how cheerful people seemed to be, inside they were all nervous.

You saw that Tommy shut himself out as he stayed alone by a wall with his arms crossed. His demeanor didn't allow people to come and check up on him, not even Tubbo came over and comforted him or eased his nerves. But you went against your mind telling you to leave him alone and let him deal with it himself, you went over to console your brother. I mean that's what family is for right?

You hesitated before getting up from your spot and making your way over to the boy.

His face was upturned and he still was facing away from you when you stood next to him

He kept silent as you stayed there making the atmosphere uncomfortable. Your throat wanted to speak but you wouldn't let a sound out. He knew you were there he just didnt want to acknowledge your presence.

"Tommy."

"What?" He snapped.

"Are you good-?"

"What does it look like?"

"No need to be pissy about it everyone is on edge." You rolled your eyes at the teen.

"Not me. Im fine I got this." He rushed out.

He was stressed and you knew it. You could tell by his posture he was tensed and he was clenching his teeth. He wanted to seem like he had it all together. You didn't want to fight, you hated fighting. This could all be avoided and you had told Wilbur that countless of times. He ignored you multiple times and kept going with the battle plans.

You had feared for both your and Tommy's safety. He was the only family you had and to lose him would be to lose a part of you too.

"I just fear-"

"I know you fear for my saftey! We've been over this." Tommy interrupted you.

"Well I have every right to be in these circumstances!" You argued back.

"You cant just butt in whenever you feel like it!" Tommy turned towards you. "I have my own life too! I want this! This is my home!"

"Tommy there is so much more land out there to conquer!"

"Yeah I know! You've been buggin' Wilbur about it all week! You've annoyed us all Y/N!" Tommy started to flail his hands around.

You took in a deep breath trying to maintain your composure and not lash out at your brother, but he kept going.

"Honestly I dont even know why you're here?! Im always the bad guy! Doing the outlandish things! But you're trying to take down this operation while its still going! Are you trying to get us killed?!"

"Are you trying to get yourself killed?!"

"If its for my country..I'll make it out alive." Tommy looked serious.

"Tommy cant you understand?!" You yelled.

"I fucking fully understand!"

"Im trying to keep my only family safe!"

"Well I dont need you to baby me anymore!" He yelled getting closer to you.

"You hear me?!" He yelled again, but at this point you were mentally checked out.

"I dont need your pity anymore!"

He stomped away from you towards Wilbur and Technoblade. You had watched their faces turn into a somber one as Tommy shoved their way past them.

"Tommy hey! Whats wrong-" Wilbur had stopped him and stood infront of him to make him stop in his tracks

"Move out of my way before I make you." He narrowed his eyes at Wilbur and walked around him.

"Thats no way to talk me like that!"

Wilbur was hot on Tommy's heels trying to tell him off but it all became distant noise.

Your eyes threatened to spill tears and roll down your cheeks. As you watched your brother walk away from you, hopefully not for the last time.

Present Time

"What are we gonna do?!" Tubbo shouted next to you while a explosion went off near you two.

Tubbo had just drank some healing potions you had given him and it was slowly starting to work. You had frantically whipped your head between Tubbo healing slowly and Tommy struggling to fight a Wither. All that happend before in Pogtopia was gone and forgotton and you needed to help your brother and leave the safe space you had made.

Bringing out your sword you had told Tubbo that you were going to help Tommy.

"I want to help!"

"No please stay until you are fully healed, we cant risk anything!"

He nodded at your words before you got up and took off towards Tommy.

He was close near a cliff and the wither was backing him near the edge of it. You had reached behind the wither and struck the back of it taking some of the bone off. It turned towards you and you freeze up for a little bit before tightening your grip on your sword and swinging again at the Wither.

"What the fuck are you doing?!" Tommy yelled while fighting the back of the wither.

"Im trying to fucking help!" You yelled back as the wither slowly rose to the sky.

"I dont need help!" He yelled at you.

"Well it looked like you did a couple of minutes ago when you almost fell off that cliff!"

You two fought like the wither was completely gone. It just hovered in the air above you both while you two got closer with each curse that came out of your mouth.

"I cant believe you right now just trying to play hero!"

"Im not trying to do that! If Im doing that what are you?!"

He stayed quiet giving you a menacing glare. The ground below you shook vigorously, but none of you paid attention to it. Your bodied shook forcefully as well your head felt like it was banging against your skull and your eyes couldn't focus of Tommy's little staring contest.

"Fuck off..I mean it."

That was the last thing you heard before the ground collapsed underneath you sending you and Tommy both mid air, free falling into a crater. You both let out ear shrieking screams, your body hit some sort of ground knocking the wind out of you for a second.

You look around you. You were inside of the crater while rocks and boulders fell around you still creating a rumbling around you.

"Y/N!"

Tommy screamed your name. He was to the right of you. You whipped your head to see Tommy standing on the edge of a small cliff like you were on, but the cliff was not stable. It was crumbling underneath his weight. The cliff was not that far from you, so you crawled to him and reached your hand out to him. He had sword in one hand and his other was free.

"Im scared!"

"Tommy just reach out and grab my hand!"

"I cant move!" He stumbled a bit when falling rocks above nearly crushed him.

"Please try!" You pleaded.

"What if I die?!"

Tommy had tears in his eyes and so did you. You stared at eachother for a second before snapping out of it before stretching out your hand further.

"I can- ahhh!"

The cliff that Tommy was stood on broke completely underneath him leaving him stuck in the air but before he completely fell you had grabbed his free hand. He was dangling the air while you struggled to pull him up onto your rock that was somehow still standing. Your heart was beating out of your chest while you tried with all of your strength to keep Tommy up.

Your arm was giving up and he was slowly slipping from your grasp.

"Tommy please let go of your sword!"

"What no!"

"Tommy!"

"No this is my pride and joy!"

"Tommy! Drop. It!"

You saw the conflicting glance in his eyes for a second before he let the sword drop from his palm and and kiss his finger tips one last time before falling into the abyss like a fallen star.

He gripped your other hand with more strength than the other one and you both managed to haul yourselves safely up onto the cliff. You both were out of breath from the adrenaline running though both of your viens. You managed you embrace him in a huge bear hug holding him as close as possible. Hoping that this wont be the last time you embrace your brother.

He hid in your shoulder finally throwing away his pride and ego and letting himself be helped, be saved. He looked up to the top of the crater while still in your embrace. Your tears fell onto his torn and burned clothes. He noticed that the sun was coming up and the fighting had stopped. Somehow they both had to get out from this crater. Together, they'll come out stronger than ever ready to work together again.

[emmikmil]

wiaww Day 9

Pairing: Poe Dameron x GN!Reader

Prompts: Mistletoe / Stuffed Animal / Snowflakes

Warnings: Angsst to fluff, couple arguments.

Word Count: 563

A/N: wiaww challenge by @cyantomatos​

You stare at the screens in front of you trying to get work done. Trying is the key word though, your body is a live wire buzzing with anger. You bow your head and force calming breaths through your lungs. However your fight with Poe this morning is still so fresh; his stupidly beautiful face needs to take a backseat right now.

The fight had been building for a couple days. You didn't like how cocky and bossy Poe is when he's in charge. Poe didn't like that you pushed back and questioned his plans. You both seemed to wake up on the wrong side of the bed today and things exploded. Bitter and harsh words were exchanged, things were said just to hurt the other person. It was ugly and unlike both of you, it just got out of control and you both left angry for work.

As the day drags on the guilt settles in as the anger fades away. you want nothing more than to apologize and hold him close. Of course you two need to talk this all out, but you're unsure if he's feeling the same thing.

End of day brings you to the front door and you nervously walk in wondering if Poe is home by now. Your answer comes as you come face to face with a life sized loth cat. For a split second you think it's real, but the lopsided mouth is a clear indication that it's a stuffed animal. Poe rounds the corner sheepishly, trying to sense how you react to the gift.

“Did you sneak away at lunch to find this guy?” You pick up the stuffed cat, looking at it it’s lopsided ears. It was charming, much like your boyfriend. You almost cry at the sweet gesture, loth cats have always been your favorite animal. You have a small collection of various figurines and stuffed animals but you rarely have the time or money to spare to add to it.

"Yeah, I snuck away during a meeting." He shrugs, acting nonchalant, but he's clearly anxious. Still, he takes a few steps closer to you. " I, uh… I fucked up. I snapped when I shouldn't of, I'm sorry sweetheart." You'd normally roll your eyes at the puppy dog eyes he's flashing, but you know it's sincere this time. He's not just whipping it out to egg you on or get his way. Tiredness and regret shows clearly on his face.

You quickly close the gap between you hugging him close. "I'm sorry too, Poe. I know I hurt you and I'm so sorry." You two stand like that for a moment, murmuring apologies back and forth. You pull away and hold your loth cat close. "Maybe we can get some dinner and watch a movie? We can talk more tomorrow, I just..." You're lost for words but Poe knows exactly what you mean. He hugs you tightly again and presses a kiss to your head.

You two are a mass of limbs on the couch, cuddling and enjoying the peace between you two. All the tense energy has left and you vow to him in hushed whispers that you won't let things build up like that again. As he leads you to bed you clutch your apology gift closer, crawling into bed to cuddle them both.

**I have not set up any sort of taglist just yet but if you would like to be tagged in this month’s challenge/ other writings please shoot me a message!

[catofthecanals289]

N U R S E ! (I swear I chose all of these just because I wanted to know, I wasn't purposefully trying to spell that haha.) for E, what would a sequel to lactation fic be like!

you are so lovely <3 thank you

N: Is there a fic you wish someone else would write (or finish) for you?

oh dear, you know my graveyard of fics. It'd be wonderful if someone wrote my max has a small dick fic for me but I also want to write it XD

U: A pairing you might like to write for, but haven’t tried yet.

oh interesting. Hm. Chris Kreider/Mika Zibanejad? also Viktor/Jayce!!

R: Are there any writers (fanfic or otherwise) you consider an influence?

you :)

and hm I guess Cornelia Funke is the author who truly ignited my love for reading as a kid. there's my ex boyfriend (kinda, don't ask) who was a writer (not published) who's the reason i started writing myself and 'betaing'.

S: Any fandom tropes you can’t resist?

well you know I love me some hurt/comfort, I love angsst, I love fucked up shit, and with Maxiel, god where do I start, what do I lvoe about them? how different they are, how special, how people in their world and look at them and say 'this is unusal' and jsut like the drama of it all, the pain, the choices, the whole 'loving oyu has been the best and worst choice I ever made' vibe...

E: If you wrote a sequel to [insert fic], what would it be about?

a sequel to my lactation fic? Well As you know i wrote this in a crunch so I didn't have time to write all the scenes i wanted to. I had planned to bring things full circle where they do stuff semi-publically in a bathroom at the circuit. Where like max gets out fo the car and he's dying with how full he feels with how much he needs to get the milk out and Daniel *knows* so he finds him and jsut strips his tits out of his racing suits and drinks from him right then and there. I guess that'd be in the sequel

[youuuimeanmee]

TPN 142 Thoughts

1.

It's really tragic that Julius Ratri doesn't actually want to become a mediator, but rather he HAS to, as a part of the reward he gave to Asdfghjkl. The horror realization that he has to watch over the descendants of people he left behind to struggle and die, over and over again is very transparent on his face. He just so done with so many deaths he had witnessed, but now he could never run away from that.

I really do feel bad for Ratri.

2. Dang itt Since Old!NorEmmaRay are eaten right then, the possibility of them being the trio's ancestors is very low, unless they already have children who survived and got left behind. So yeah, I'd say that they're probably the trio's past lives. But I still believe that Norman has some connection with Ratri.

3. I know everyone is wondering about what would Asdfghjkl want from Emma, so this is obviously should be considered.

As much as I hate it, with many theories going on about Norman will be left behind, it seems very more likely, since Norman is one of the integral part of Emma's motivation. It's the same with Ratri's case; his wish to never witness death again will never come true due to the very. same. promise he made.

But my questions are: Would that be enough? Would sacrificing Norman be enough to inflict pain for Emma, enough to satisfy Asdfghjkl?

Just look at this him enjoying the pain, enjoying the angsst

Damn youuu

[the4thmagi]

NAME: Rachel/Rach GENDER: female EYE COLOR:  blue??? gray??? honestly i cant even tell half the time HAIR COLOR: dark brown RELATIONSHIP STATUS: uhm well u see ................i got a babe..........

ZODIAC: virgo FAVORITE COLOR: barney colors

FAVORITE SEASON:  fall and that lil bit of spring where ALL THE COOL THUNDERSTORMS AND TORNADOES HAPPEN SO IT SPICES UP MY BORING LIFE FAVORITE PLACE: my bed?? my bed FAVORITE HOLIDAY:  the day after valentine's day

FAVORITE VIDEO GAME: i dont even know anymore but probably FF X-2 or skyrim.

LAST SHOW YOU WATCHED: uH NEW GIRL I THINK??? I don’t watch much T.V

WHAT’S YOUR HONEST OPINION ABOUT YOUR MUSE?  breathes in. lemme tell you something. Aladdin is my son. my lovely, lovely son and I will protect him with all my might. he’s so much more than that goodie-guy protagonist that everyone always sees him as and hAS SO MANY COMPLEX EMOTIONS AND GOES THROUGH MORE SHIT THAN A 15 YEAR OLD SHOULD BE ALLOWED TO LIKE WHAT 12 YEAR OLD KID TAKES CHARGE IN ENDING A DAMN WAR. BUT YET HE NEVER ONCE COMPLAINS ABOUT IT. TOO PURE, TOO MUCH OF A HARDWORKER AND GREAT GUY I LOVE MY SON.

WOULD YOU DATE YOUR MUSE?:  considering i’m over 10 years his senior, na h. if he was older though boi you bet. he’s the perfect boyfriend if you can get past his idiotic tendencies and obliviousness.

WHAT ARE YOUR FAVORITE KINDS OF THREADS?:  i love me some angsst mmmmmmmmm y e s s s. especially if it’s well plotted out. it gets my blood running high and makes me have so much muse. but honestly, I ain’t too picky with threads and love all kinds. fluff seems to be like 90% of what aladdin ends up doing just bc he’s such a good person. lowkey loves all of my threads with caira tho she my babe

ARE YOU A SELECTIVE ROLEPLAYER? : I guess?? I try not to be but honestly i’m just like so bouncy on my blogs lately. i try to give everyone a fair chance tho cause you never know who clicks with you both ooc and ic you know??

DO YOU HAVE A FAVORITE MUSE?: uhm......probably mugen from Samurai Champloo. that guy was hella fun to RP as. but if we’re talking development wise, it’s definitely aladdin. I’ve got so much invested......

WHAT MADE YOU DECIDE TO JOIN THE FANDOM?: Honestly, I don’t know...........like one day I just got back into magi and was just ‘you know what......imma give RPing a second chance’

DO YOU SEE YOURSELF STAYING WITH THE FANDOM FOR A LONG TIME?  i’d like to?? and I love this character dearly but i like to disappear too so it’s just kinda a weird question for me

tagged by: the b a b e @twistedblacksun​ tagging: anyone ok pls do it i wanna get to know you all

[chiruba]

ANOTHER ANGST PROMPT

A ends up being manipuleted into beliveing that B betrayed them, while B cant do anything but watch as A breaks all their hopes n stuff.

OR

I actually wrote a fic abt this

But, A is convinced that by 'betraying' or breaking it off with B, in such a way that B hates em now, Woupd protect B from whatever shady shit A is involved in. But it doesnt, and now their both heartbroken.

im sorry i just love angst, if u ever need some angst ill be ur angst supply ig

YES PLS B MY ANGSST SUPPLY <3

ps omg.... can i read that fic giggle

[phillycheesequake]

Bruh, you really want some shit that’ll freak you out and keep you up late at night?

read the diary of anne frank. She was a 15 year old girl when she died. She was still discovering her period, learning what the hell was going on and all that. She was a fucking girl. She had highschool crushes, she got into petty fights with her parents, she had all the teen angsst we all have

imagine your baby cousin. you know, the one who’s on tik tok, mourning one direction, talking about all the other girls in her class. That was anne frank. a fucking child.

And the nazis killed her without a second thought. they killed millions of children just like her with no second thoguhts. because to them, because their leader said so, she wasn’t human. so she didn’t matter.

freaky shit yo

[damienthepious]

i still hate this fucking editor. Also short chapters will be the vibe for this fic i think, until the exact moment that's not true anymore. whateverrrrr.

raised by wolves

[ch 1] [ao3]

Fandom: The Penumbra Podcast

Relationships: Lord Arum/Sir Damien/Rilla

Characters: Rilla, Sir Damien, Lord Arum, The Keep

Additional Tags: Second Citadel, Lizard Kissin' Tuesday, Established Relationship, Alternate Universe - Werewolf, Werewolf!Rilla specifically, Secrets, (look i think rilla deserves to have some angsst explored for once), (uhhhh god there have GOT to be more tags uhh. i don't know i'll add more later), (In later chapters there will be), Implied/Referenced Harm to Children, Implied/Referenced Violence, Mild Injury

Summary: Rilla is keeping secrets.

Chapter Summary: Half-truths and avoidance are the order of the day.

~

Rilla doesn't actually remember a time before the wolf.

Her parents told her that it - contracting the condition - happened when she was very young. She doesn't remember that, either, not really. She maybe-sorta remembers... something about fireflies, being afraid, pain, but that could just as easily be a fabricated memory from the stories that her fathers told her afterward. No guarantee it actually happened that way. Not that it matters. The scar on her wrist and the condition itself are enough.

It's just... something that is. Something she has to deal with.

Something she has to deal with alone.

Which is becoming, annoyingly, more difficult.

~

"-decided that I might accompany you," Rilla tunes in enough to hear, and she almost hurts her neck turning towards the monster as he aggressively prunes back a creeping thorny plant, a monster variant of purple barberry (that, according to Arum, enjoys the "enrichment" of pruning). "Gather some samples of my own, for the greenhouse."

"I can just get them for you," Rilla says, too sharp and too quick, and Arum looks up from his shears. The plant flicks a vine, catching one of Arum's gloves and his attention again. "You don't have to bother."

"It isn't a bother to-" Arum hesitates, wrinkling his snout as he lunges forward, clipping off a substantial barbed arm that had been trying to sweep around to prick him from the side. "It isn't a bother to- to spend- time with you," he finishes, his pauses not really aligning with his motions. She imagines that the words might have been hard to get out for some other reason. "I- when you're gone, it... I..."

"It's just a couple days," Rilla shrugs, trying to decide if leaving the greenhouse entirely might be a viable strategy for ending this line of thinking. Teasing first, she decides. That usually throws the monster off. "Careful, or you're going to start to sound like Damien."

Arum frowns. "Damien misses you."

Well there isn't much of anything Rilla can do about that, is there? She shrugs. "It's only three days. I know he doesn't like it, but- I mean frankly, considering the trips he used to take for his missions, he really can't complain about three days."

The only bad part about Damien taking a sabbatical from knighthood while he figures some stuff out about himself. He barely travels, now, and he's smart, and she has a gnawing worry at the pit of her stomach that it's only a matter of time before he or Arum or the both of them notice that there's a-

"It's an interesting schedule," Arum says, still frowning, flicking his wrist to parry a sullen little lash from the plant with his shears. "Three days every month, yes?"

Pattern. Rilla swallows. "Yeah," she says with another shrug. Was that weird? Two shrugs that close together? "I figured- I do know it bothers Damien when I'm gone, so limiting myself to three days out of a month for my herb collection seemed like a good compromise."

"Hm," Arum says, and then he makes one more maneuver with his hands, clipping a fair chunk from the plant. He makes a noise at the back of his throat, then, his lip curling in obvious satisfaction, and he nods as he steps backward, apparently finished with the chore. The vine reaches after him for a moment, but its motions are more worn out, and it settles pretty quickly. Arum sets his shears on a nearby log, rolls his shoulders, and then tips his head to give Rilla a look. It's- hesitant, maybe? "It... could go faster than three days," he suggests.

Rilla scowls. "I'm not going to rush my methods just-"

"With help," he finishes, and Rilla stops short. "If I helped you. It would go faster. You could come ho-" he inhales oddly, his voice catching on a lingering rattle, and then he tries again. "Come back. Quicker. If I came and helped you."

Rilla stares at him for a moment, watching the way he fidgets as she tries to think-

If she wasn't lying, if these trips had nothing to do with the wolf-

What would she say, right now?

(She can't use her experimental medicine again. She's working on a different batch, but after last time- apparently something in the formulation reduced the sedative effect, and she has uncertain memories of throwing her body against the chains, against the walls, trying to escape, trying to get- somewhere. She can't quite pull reasoning from the memories, but the wolf had been frantic enough that she'd woken up absolutely covered in bruises. Even healing as fast as she does, she was forced to avoid letting Damien or Arum see her without long sleeves for an extra day after she came back.)

(Rilla doesn't need help. Rilla hasn't had help since she was practically an infant. Why should she get help now?)

"That's... sweet of you to offer," she says, her tone coming out odd and flat, though she does feel herself soften when Arum scowls at the accusation of sweetness.

"I am sensing an incoming rejection, regardless," he grumbles, crossing his arms.

"Not-" she sighs. "Not like that. It's just- I'm more used to being alone than Damien is. I need- I need that time?" It comes out sounding like a question. Come on. "I need to spend some time alone once in a while or- or I'm not very pleasant to be around."

Wow. That's one way to tell the truth and a lie in one sentence. She's almost impressed with herself.

Arum's face does something strange, almost wincing, and he looks aside. "I don't... I've never been alone, not truly," he murmurs. "But-"

But the Keep doesn't count the same way, because it's sort of Arum's mom and sort of the second half of Arum's mind, and when Rilla met them they had collectively been the loneliest thing in the whole of the Universe, as far as Rilla knew. Her stomach churns unhelpfully, her ribcage feeling oddly tight.

She takes a few steps closer, reaching to touch Arum's jaw. "I don't want to leave either of you alone," she says, quiet. "I can't tell you how much of a relief it is, knowing that you'll take care of each other while I'm gone."

Arum's mouth twitches, a pained almost-smile. "I am not... as practiced, in caring for our poet. Not as skilled as you are."

Rilla thinks, not for the first time, that her partners are too sweet for her. Too sweet for her to deserve. She shoves the feeling behind herself, letting it loom without looking at it, and instead she leans forward and tickles a kiss onto the tip of Arum's nose.

"Oh, hush," she says as he wrinkles his snout and glares sullenly at her. "You're here for him, you take care of him. You're perfect."

Arum scowls more deeply, clearly embarrassed, but he doesn't argue as she peels the gloves from his hands and starts pulling him towards the kitchen to start on dinner.

That should be the end of that, she thinks.

(She can almost feel the wolf's fur shiver, as if reacting to a change in the wind.)

(She ignores it.)