#someday i swear some media i enjoy will be unproblematic again

[thegirlwholied]

any chance you can describe the scene in bridgerton that has sparked all the debate? i see people argue about it but i just need like.. the most basic description to decide if i can/will watch it and you seem to know bridgerton things

OK. Deep breath. Because you asked, I will try? 

Without wading into debate... with some spoilers... and with the caveat that I’m always Team Extremely Enthusiastic Consent; this is one series I (clearly) both read & watched so the answer to can/will was yes for me but mileage will vary:

The two main characters have a very traditional romance-novel dynamic in one respect: the plenty-of-sexual-experience hero, and the so-innocent-she-doesn’t-even-know-how-sex-works virgin heroine. 

However consciously the book was playing off that trope, which is in so many romance novels, I’ve always read it as ‘when your entire sexual education relies on 1 guy & only what he shows you’...  that can go wrong. And it goes wrong. 

You may have seen some of the series’ sexcapades going by on Tumblr in gif form by now... That Scene is episode 6, of 8. 

Short version of the major driving plotline at this point: Daphne thinks her husband can’t have children when actually it’s a matter of won’t. Episode 6 is mostly filled with giddy honeymooning sexcapades... but with Simon using the pullout method, which goes right over Daphne’s head. And then she catches on. 

Basic show-version scene breakdown, from there: Daphne leads Simon into their bedroom, with things proceeding as laughing-honeymoon-ly as usual... until the point where he’d usually pull out, when he says “wait”, meaning to do so. And realizes, when she physically hangs on (on top), instead, something’s different this time. It’s intentionally filmed as a power shift. Immediate aftermath, Daphne gets up to leave, starting to head to her own bedroom for the first time in their marriage. The duke, still in bed, realizes what just happened.

From his reaction, her suspicions re: his lie of omission are confirmed. From her reaction, he knows she did this intentionally. His dawning hurt is the hardest part of the scene to watch, for me.

It plays out as a ‘how could you’/’how could you’ situation, with fallout & reconciliation over the following two episodes ~ 

~and whether the narrative sides too much with Daphne, whether there’s the right kind of fallout and reconciliation, whether this scene was integral to the plot or should have been changed more, how much casting changes how the scene feels... that’s then part of the debate. 

Which... oh no am I wading into debate? I do not have the energy to pull wellies on right now and that river runs deep... I do think the writers still could have done better especially in subsequent episodes, but sometimes characters’ actions are meant to be morally questionable and raise debate and sometimes it’s just a writing whoops (looking at Wonder Woman 1984, which I also watched on Christmas Day & which also managed to spark a consent debate, omg why, writers, when Steve could have just appeared). Bridgerton’s was an intentional writing choice - ‘murkiness’ is I think an apt word here - & I think the last paragraph of this article, and the articles it links to, speak well to overall context:

 “as the number of romance novel adaptations continues to rise in upcoming years, there will be ongoing debates about how many of these now-dated books — in which nonconsensual sex, sexual assault, and rape are not infrequent — will be best adapted for the screen. The good news is that the genre has largely moved away from depicting these types of sex scenes as romantic. The bad news, however, is that it's a lot harder to erase them from the industry's messy past.”

I’m glad romance novels are being adapted; I’m glad I discovered how smart & fun many of them are (it took me too long!). Many romance novels are also Not for Me, for the above-stated reasons. Bridgerton, books & show, I do enjoy... but there’s many things I don’t enjoy that other people do because something in it’s problematic in a way that gets to me, so completely get it if it’s Not For You.

 Whether you see the show as a success or failure on that front, I do think it’s trying to tell a story that reflects that sex is messy & complicated & has a learning curve & can be full of laughter & can make you feel deceived & helpless even when it is consensual especially when no one’s communicating clearly. Whether That Scene is/isn’t is the whole debate, but in writing I do think intent matters -especially as perception varies - and I do find it interesting the showrunner’s stated intent was to still evoke deception & helplessness without crossing the consent threshold. It becomes a a debate as part of the audience does see it that way! It’s also... fiction, as opposed to a how-to manual on consent. Since Bridgerton’s the first adaptation of its specific kind, there’s also a lot of extra attention/pressure on it. Can stories, romances especially, model consent? Yes; some do it brilliantly, and happily, more & more of them do! Do they have to...? Well... no. And when we start policing fiction we get a little Victorian & that’s not a good thing! That’s part of why AO3 exists, after all.

My personal take is, if Bridgerton was a fic on AO3, the writer would tag it as ‘dubcon’ not ‘noncon’. Some reviewers might disagree, but writers tag based on intent and to warn, I think that’s the warning they’d give. 

...And also, my take is that Netflix would be better with AO3-style tags. & so would romance novels. AO3-style tags on everything please, the better to choose wisely!

I hope this helps you decide whether you can/will watch!  

[mouthmoodz]

ALL THE QUESTIONS

YOU ABSOLUTE MADMAN

ok here we goooo

1. Spotify, SoundCloud, or Pandora? 

Spotify

2. is your room messy or clean?

Usually messy

3. what color are your eyes?

Hazelicious

4. do you like your name? why?

yeah i like my first name a lot actually? (riley) i like that it’s a gender neutral name; idk why exactly but i wouldn’t want to have a girl’s name. and i’m glad my parents spelled it right. 

5. what is your relationship status? 

Singlé

6. describe your personality in 3 words or less

“annoying little fucker”

7. what color hair do you have?

Red

8. what kind of car do you drive? color?

silver 2002 oldsmobile intrigue

9. where do you shop?

the world wide web

10. how would you describe your style?

executive dysfunction femme (with occasional bursts of lolita or otome)

continued under the cut

11. favorite social media account

tunglr dot net i suppose, i have the most followers and pals here by far

12. what size bed do you have? 

Twin.

13. any siblings?

I have an older brother

14. if you can live anywhere in the world where would it be? why?

hmm, to be honest it’s hard to say because I’ve been hardly anywhere so I don’t know what kind of place I would enjoy being the most. But probably a fairly large city somewhere in the US, i just don’t know which one.

15. favorite snapchat filter? 

doggo

16. favorite makeup brand(s)

I love Too Faced. love to actually own some of their products someday

17. how many times a week do you shower?

i have depression

18. favorite tv show?

the x-files or always sunny

19. shoe size?

6

20. how tall are you?

5′1″

21. sandals or sneakers? 

sneakers

22. do you go to the gym? 

who the fuck do you think i am,

23. describe your dream date

I never know how to answer this question because not to be corny but if I really like the person I’m on the date with then it doesn’t matter that much what we’re doing??? as long as it’s not something really boring.

24. how much money do you have in your wallet at the moment? 

$6.03

25. what color socks are you wearing? 

white

26. how many pillows do you sleep with?

two

27.do you have a job? what do you do? 

ya i’m a library page

28. how many friends do you have? 

Depends how narrowly you define the term “friend.” Also I’m not going to try to count because that’s just not chill

29. whats the worst thing you have ever done? 

Depends on your perspective

30. whats your favorite candle scent? 

I like vanilla scented candles

31. 3 favorite boy names

32. 3 favorite girl names

this is super hard for some reason? once my friend made me decide what i would name a boy and a girl if i had them and eventually we came up with alice and tristan. other than that i’m not sure, though recently I have thought that Neil is a very nice boy name. we all know why this is, of course, but it really is I swear. 

33. favorite actor? 

34. favorite actress? 

I don’t really know or care about famous people that much ever so I’m just gonna say like.... everyone from star wars.

35. who is your celebrity crush?

Like I said, I don’t really know or care much about famous people. And most of them are shitty people and/or not interesting.

36. favorite movie? 

i have seen like 0 movies ever but i like edward scissorhands a lot

37. do you read a lot? whats your favorite book? 

yeah i do and i guess my favorite book is the hitchhiker’s guide to the galaxy

38. money or brains? 

money my dog i’m neither a sapiosexual nor a fool

39. do you have a nickname? what is it? 

there have been a number of variations applied to me over the years but the most common one at the moment is probably riler

40. how many times have you been to the hospital?

none for an emergency, several times for gettin my brain scanned by a big ol magnet and shit like that

41. top 10 favorite songs

i answered this not that long ago when i reblogged this ask meme before so i will just endeavor to say 10 DIFFERENT songs that i like a lot, again in no particular order

love is greed- passion pit

soratobu toshikeikaku- capsule

1901- phoenix

undercover martyn- two door cinema club

untrust us- crystal castles

orpheus and eurydice- allegra rosenberg

drunk drivers/killer whales- car seat headrest

life on the nickel- foster the people

dirty paws- of monsters and men

wallspin- neil cicierega

42. do you take any medications daily? 

ya lexapro and wellbutrin

43. what is your skin type? (oily, dry, etc)

dry

44. what is your biggest fear? 

never accomplishing anything worthwhile

45. how many kids do you want? 

zero

46. whats your go to hair style?

doing absolutely nothing to my hair

47. what type of house do you live in? (big, small, etc) 

small

48. who is your role model? 

my boy neil c, unproblematic fave of the century

49. what was the last compliment you received?

I think it was when i was in the grocery store and someone said “I love your red hair!” They also had red hair. feels good feels organic even though I don’t like talking to strangers

50. what was the last text you sent?

51. how old were you when you found out santa wasn’t real?

I never really "found out,” I just sort of figured it out. I forget when exactly, but it was pretty early on.

52. what is your dream car?

nyan cat lamborghini

53. opinion on smoking?

it’s bad for you but i’m not an Ass to people who do it

54. do you go to college?

ya

55. what is your dream job?

artist, author, some sort of independent content creation like that

56. would you rather live in rural areas or the suburbs?

the suburbs i guess? unless the rural place was exceptionally beautiful

57. do you take shampoo and conditioner bottles from hotels? 

no ‘cause i’m not a CRIME DOER

58. do you have freckles?

fuck dude i sure do

59. do you smile for pictures?

yes but only with my mouth closed and if the person taking the picture isn’t taking their sweet time about it

60. how many pictures do you have on your phone? 

1559

61. have you ever peed in the woods?

nope

62. do you still watch cartoons?

I haven’t lately since I stopped watching su and nothing else has caught my attention but I’m not opposed to the idea

63. do you prefer chicken nuggets from Wendy’s or McDonalds?

I don’t really eat fast food

64. Favorite dipping sauce?

ranch dressing

65. what do you wear to bed?

i usually wear a nightgown

66. have you ever won a spelling bee?

no but i came in third place in one once

67. what are your hobbies?

reading, drawing, not writing, lolita fashion, collecting obscure pictures of internet funnyman neil cicieregegerega

68. can you draw?

allegedly

69. do you play an instrument?

haha funy sex number. no but i used to play the viola

70. What was the last concert you saw?

I’ve never been to a proper concert

71. tea or coffee?

tea

72. Starbucks or Dunkin Donuts?

i don’t go to either of those places

73. Do you want to get married?

I go back and forth on this. It’s not super important to me, but if I was ever truly convinced I wanted to stay with somebody forever I’d go ahead and do it

74. what’s your crush’s first and last initial

FUCK both their first and last initial are not that common so people would be able to tell who i am talking about probably

75. are you going to change your last name when you get married?

I’m a gay but I guess if my wife had a cooler last name I might take it

76. what color looks best on you?

black probably

77. Do you miss anybody right now?

Ya my friends!! We haven’t hung out very much lately :(

78. Do you sleep with your door open or closed?

Closed

79. Do you believe in ghosts?

Yes because I am one

80. What’s your biggest pet peeve?

I fucking hate it when people crack their knuckles!! Stop it what are you doing to your APPENDAGES you weirdoes!!!

81. last person you called?

my mom

82. favorite ice cream flavor?

chocolate chip cookie dough

83. regular oreos or golden oreos?

Golden oreos tbh

84. Chocolate or rainbow sprinkles?

Sprinkles don’t taste very good and they’re essentially pointless but at least rainbow sprinkles are pretty

85. What shirt are you wearing?

A plain black pullover hoodie

86. What is your phone background?

Unico in Bloomland 

87. are you outgoing or shy?

shy

88. Do you like it when people play with your hair?

idk no one does that but it depends who it is i guess

89. do you like your neighbors?

I don’t know them but they have never been annoying so they’re cool i suppose

90. Do you wash your face? At night? In the morning?

no i just cleanse it along with the rest of me the way god intended, in the Shower

91. Have you ever been high?

yeah once it was pretty fun

92. have you ever been drunk?

nope

93. Last thing you ate?

A green bean. except it wasn’t a green bean, but some other bullshit type of bean that’s practically the same thing only not.

94. favorite lyrics right now

“if you were a piece of dust, I’d shine a light through the busted window and I’d learn to trust in the updraft that you’re on.” -The Only House That’s Not On Fire (Yet) by Lemon Demon

95. summer or winter?

summer

96. day or night?

time is fake my guy

97. dark, white, or milk chocolate?

milk

98. favorite month?

Hmm... maybe october

99. what is your zodiac sign?

pinchy the crab

100. who was the last person you cried in front of?

my best friend