#sometimes I regret installing TikTok...

[angelshizuka]

"This adult show is making adult merch of their adult characters."

Newsflash, fork found in kitchen!

But for real, though. The way these "critics" unironically believe this is a valid criticism says enough about them and how at the end of the day they're just pearl clutching purists.

And some of them being teenagers is no excuse to me, because they shouldn't even be here in the first place.

[munchcorner]

Teasing (Hawks x Miruko)

Hawks installed TikTok after being bored. He was drowning in it that he never left his room which concerned Miruko. She went to his room and heard music from inside his room. She opened the door and saw Hawks dancing in front of the camera.

"Hawks, what are you doing?" Miruko asked while staring at Hawks.

Hawks turned to her with a huge grin on his face and said, "I keep seeing these dances and thought that maybe I should try them,"

Miruko sat on the bed, and Hawks took his phone before sitting beside Miruko. He showed her the dance he was learning.

"I'm still learning how to do this one, but I have one that I can do already," He said and stood in front of Miruko.

"This better be good," Miruko said and waited for Hawks to start.

Hawks grinned and played the music and said, "You better watch carefully,"

He started dancing, and Miruko didn't know how to react. At first, she thought it was something silly, like the dance he was currently learning. But she was taken by surprise when he started doing a sexy dance.

"Hawks, no!" Miruko yelled and threw a pillow at Hawks.

"What? Why?" He asked and took his phone. Miruko was still processing what she saw when Hawks walked to her and leaned in.

"Is it that seductive?" He asked, and Miruko pushed him.

"Nah, you looked stupid," Miruko said when in reality, it made Hawks a whole lot more attractive.

"Ah, I guess acting stupid makes you blush," Hawks said while wiggling his eyebrows at Miruko teasingly.

Miruko rolled her eyes and smacked Hawks with a pillow. "Shut up, Takami!"

Hawks just laughed and hugged Miruko, making them fall on the bed with Hawks being on top of her. Miruko had her hands over her face, so Hawks was pulling them away to see her face. But Miruko punched him, making him fall back.

"Ah, sometimes I wish you weren't so strong," Hawks said and held his nose. The punch wasn't strong enough to make his nose bleed, but it was still throbbing in pain.

"That's what you get for teasing me," Miruko said without any regrets. Hawks pouted and turned his back on her.

"Here I was learning a dance to show you, but this is what I get," He sulked, but Miruko didn't comfort him.

"I'm sure you're not sulking for real," She said, making Hawks turn to her. He was still pouting, but Miruko just took Hawks' phone and looked at his fyp to see what he's been watching.

"Rumi," Hawks cooed to call her attention, but Miruko just ignored him.

"Can't I get a kiss for effort?" Hawks asked, and Miruko laughed.

"I didn't ask you to learn a dance for me. It looked stupid anyway, so why should I-" Miruko couldn't finish what she was saying because Hawks took his phone away from her and gave her a light kiss on the lips.

Hawks grinned at Miruko before running out the door with his phone, "Hawks, out!" He yelled as he ran out of the door.

Miruko covered her face with a pillow as he lays on the bed with her lips curved into a smile.

The next day came, and Miruko decided to download TikTok as well. She was having fun watching random videos when a video of Hawks appeared on her fyp.

Miruko clicked on Hawks' profile and saw that he started posting dancing videos and other funny videos. She opened the comments on one of his dancing videos, and her smile turned into a frown when she saw thirsty comments.

"Tamaki, you fucking bird!" Miruko yelled, making Hawks peek through the door.

"What is it?" He asked and saw that Miruko was charging towards him with her phone in her hand.

"You damn bird!" She yelled and charged towards Hawks.

Hawks was grinning when he knew figured out what was going on. "Oh, someone's jelly," He teased and ran around the room as Miruko chased him.

"I'm not. I'm here to make fun of the thirsty bitches in your comment section," Miruko said, making Hawks stop.

"Awe," He said, acting disappointed. "I thought you were jealous," He said and sat on the bed.

Miruko sat beside her and said, "Nah, they can't beat me,"

Hawks laughed at her statement and wrapped his arm around her as she leaned on his chest.

"I didn't know this was the reason why you're cooped up in our room," Miruko said. Hawks just chuckled and kissed her head.

"Is it making you feel lonely?" He asked, and Miruko laughed.

"Nah," She answered. "At least you have something you're doing in your free time,"

"Tch, can't you act more affectionate towards me?" Hawks asked playfully.

"I don't want to," She answered, and they spent the rest of the day making fun of the comments and doing TikToks together.

[thoughtcock]

What does happiness mean to me?

Was so pissed off earlier trying to install a VPN service on my macbook and I ended up having to update/upgrade my OS and do a gazillion things. Yes, these are two different terms apparently because I thought for awhile my current macbook can no longer update to the latest OS and it turned out I needed to UPGRADE it. Fucking hell it was such a pain in the ass doing update after update and there were so many password, logging in, account creation hiccups jesus.................... I JUST WANTED TO PUT A VPN ON MY MAC!!!! I ended up paying for a subscription too due to all the bloody frustrations lol...and somehow still ended up being angst because of the fucking updates.

Ok calm down. All good now. rant over.

It’s 3:34am now wow all the upgrading sure took up some hours. I wanted to be in a right state of mind, doing some journaling before I sleep, but now I just feel so riled up. So I’m going to attempt writing about something positive.

What does happiness mean to me? :-)

Over the course of the year, I think its safe to say that I’ve become a more cynical and just...upset at everything in general. Bad news after news near me and around the world, my career prospects may be affected due to COVID, I am worried I can’t form meaningful relationships anymore etc.... The list goes on. So I guess now its good to ponder upon this cliche, yet important question to maintain my well being.

Happiness to me means being able to successfully strive for an opportunity I want, or to have a project/assignment completed successfully. I feel happy to have others validate my work, saying I’m talented, hard-working, I did something well. Whenever I take the time to update my resume/portfolio/cert folder, I feel happy because there’s a sense of achievement within me. I know I worked hard over the years, and its satisfying to see the fruits of my labour.

I feel happy whenever I feel that my works make a difference in someone’s life. It can be a simple thank you for featuring an interviewees’ business, or it can be a thank you from a citizen who wants the world to know the injustices that happened in their city. Although I don’t think what I’ve done has changed the course of the world, at least its something? I’m happy to be able to use my skills for important stuff basically, and I hope I can continue that for as long as I can.

Happiness means being able to form genuine connections with anyone and just truly be myself. I find it really hard to have such relationships as I grow older, so I’m especially grateful to those who have stuck by me for the last few years. Sometimes I feel that being away from home means having problems that they can’t relate to (like who in my age is worrying about the ch*n*se c*mm*ni*t p*rty busting my ass because of my career path lol..and the need to fucking install VPN hah), but I laugh alot when we joke about silly and shallow things, and I know I can be my dumb ass self to them and they will only sometimes judge me!

Happiness means reconnecting with my little brother. Now that we have Facebook and Tiktok, he likes to tell me about his random animal encounters and show me his tiktok videos. Sometimes I wonder how kids do it, simply telling everything on their minds to others, I think I’m more likely to choke on a fishbone than reveal my deepest darkest thoughts to someone. It’s this form of simple happiness that I should try and enjoy when I can.

Now, everything I listed above are based on external factors like career, friends or family. But what about happiness within myself?

I had to do a Google search for this LOL, and I did find some cliche stuff I can relate to. 

1. Hold on to your values. What you find true, what you know is fair, and what you believe in are all values. Over time, the more you honor them, the better you will feel about yourself and those you love.

Yes, I don’t think I’ve done anything in my life that goes against my values. I’m happy that I’ve a life that’s mostly directed by myself (that’s a strong value I hold), even if it means upsetting people like my mom along the way. So far, no regrets.

Bask in the simple pleasures. Those who love you, treasured memories, silly jokes, warm days, and starry nights—these are the ties that bind and the gifts that keep on giving.

Yes simple pleasures, petting cats (haven’t pet one for a long time sigh), listening to good music, thinking up happy imaginary scenarios, actually putting down my phone and just being in the now, relieving special memories, being cozy while admiring the city view... the list goes on. I clearly need to bask in more simple pleasures.

Adding on without Google this time, I think its important to not depend on people for my own happiness. I find myself doing that at times and my feelings can be out of control, which caused alot of depression, hurt and being excluded. Happiness means learning to be okay to let go of those who don’t care for you as much, it means not relying on SOs/friends for attention all the time, it means being ok to block out all the negativity and hate, it means not partaking in unnecessary drama and just staying in my lane. I guess feeling at peace may also describe this aspect of happiness.

Now that I’m unemployed, I think its also about time to revaluate happiness in my life. I listed the things down, but how am I going to achieve it?