#sometimes there's good kush in there... usually... nah.......

[hua-fei-hua]

every day i check the ao3 tags for my otp like a listless little homeless kitten rummaging through the dumpster

[svnaslove]

getting high with hq boys

𝐬𝐲𝐩𝐧𝐨𝐬𝐢𝐬 ; just stoner! haikyuu character heacanons and how they get when they’re high w you

𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬 ; recreational marijuana use, suggestive themes

𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐚𝐜𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐬 ; atsumu miya, suna rintarō, tendou satori, sugawara koshi [all separate]

yeah i can totally see atsumu being a stoner, i can’t help it, it just comes naturally

a bong bitch, he hates bowls and blunts for some reason

if you’re going to have a sesh with him BUCKLE UP

gets kinda whiny when he’s high and an EXTREME case of the munchies

will eat three times his weight 

will take both indica and sativa but prefers indica

gets !! so !! fucking !! touchy !!

if you’re his s/o it’s probably fine

but if you’re not, you’re probably gonna end up having a crush on him because he’s so extra flirty and touchy when he’s high

“you’re prettyyyy”

“can i give you a kiiiiiss”

“y/n do you think im prettyyy?”

you’re only encouraged by his flirtyness and end up flirting back without thinking about it

“i think you’re really pretty too ‘tsum”

*GASP*

“YOU DO?”

-atsumu miya 2020

as i said, super touchy

but not in a pervy way, like he feels touch starved out of nowhere when he’s high

plays with your hands, hugs you, kneads your thighs, kisses your cheeks, throws himself on your lap and lays his head there and you just play with his hair

will be all dazed out and all of the sudden look up at you from your lap and goes “boobs are so pretty and soft :)” “can i touch your boobies :) <3″

even though he’s high he’s still respectful so if you say no he’ll be fine and it won’t be weird or anything, you two just laugh it off and he’ll let you touch his “boobies”

in the end and in summary,

this can go two ways

you guys either end up wholesomely hugging/cuddling and giggling to each other

or

you two end up fucking on the coach

resident stoner, but you wouldn’t really be able to guess it

prefers the smoke so doesn’t really want edibles

really good with the smoke tricks

dOES THE MOST PERFECT RING EVER???

his french inhale is fucking sexy

honestly really fun and chill to have a sesh with

prefers indica

also prefers either a blunt or a dab pen, mostly the pen doesn’t like doing all the extra stuff, lazy mf

he might ask you to roll his blunt for him and it’s not because he doesn’t know how because you have seen him do it before

SO GOOD AT ROLLING LIKE WTF DO IT YOURSELF

and so quick at it too like, you’re so good at it, you don’t need me??

you were his apprentice at rolling at one point 😌

✨sensei suna✨

says the weird shit

“if i try to fail and i succeed, which one did i do?”

“why do your feet smell but your nose runs?”

you’re just as greened out as he is you’re like

“wooooooaaaaahhh riiiiiinnnnnnnnn”

in you head you’re like “omfg this guy is einstein, suna for president.”

you convinced yourself by accident once that he was, in fact, einstein and you were asking him how to make an atomic bomb

he was going with it too like, “yuh knoo, i just, got to the neighbors house and i ask him if he’s seen adam ( yes, in the context of fucking adam, instead of ATOM) and he’s like “yeah man i saw adam over at the grocery store, he was buying apples,” and i was like “yeahh an apple a day keeps the doctor away” and my neighbor was like “yeahhh” and then i went to the apple isle in the grocery store and there was adam and i was like “did you study yet adam” and he said nah so i was like “oh, well ig you should since theres a test tomorrow” and he’s like “i’ll be fine” and then comes tomorrow and he’s like, “suna, i bombed the test.” and that’s how it happens

you’re like

“wooooooaaaaahhhh riiiiinnnnnnnn”

you saw that whole story? yeah, he can make up random ass stories like those on the spot and go on forever

but he might fall asleep midway sometimes like a grandpa

would rather stay home and just talk with you while wrapped up in blankets

does get really thirsty, so have plenty of extra water for him <3

HE IS SO FUN TO GET HIGH WITH

says the weird shit like suna does and again,

“wooooooaaaaahhhhhh saaatttooooriiiiiii”

HE’S JUST SO FUN??

probably ends up with you two going on a trip somewhere 

but if not still makes it super fun

rents a bouncy house ??

where did he know to rent a bouncy house ??

and how did he get it shipped over to you two so quickly ??

sativa boyo

probably climbed the roof together at least once

you end up laughing so hard with him that your guts feel like they’re going to spill out

walks in from going to the bathroom and he’s like 

“y/n”

with a deadpan face

“it feels so weird to pee when you’re greened out”

looks like he’s legitimately scared

“woah does it really?” you reach over to chug a bunch of water to be able to pee soon

“nO DON’T DO THAT, IT WAS SCARY, IT FELT LIKE A SPACE SHIP WAS COMING OUT OF MY DICK”

“huh ? 🧍‍♀️”

and then you both start laughing so hard that your eyes hurt from all of the crying

and then you have to pee and he’s outside of the door, “i’ll save you if you need my help, okay?”

when you start peeing you’re like 

“DLJFDLKSFJSDKF TENDOU THERE’S A SPACE SHIP”

the most wholesome and head in the clouds experience ever when you’re getting high with suga

it’s like heaven

that is, if there are no interruptions 

doesn’t really care between indica or sativa

but he does like getting new stuff to try out like different types of kush or dab pens

he’s a literal “i’ll take anything” type of guy

kinda giggly when he’s high, it’s really cute

he knows how to braid ??

if you have long hair he’ll be like “y/nn can i braid your hair 🥺”

you guys made a freaking fort once ??😭

and it was surprisingly HELLA good

you two usually either talk about really deep stuff and it gets spiritual sometimes like you start talking about stars and god and souls

or you guys will end giggling at each other or end up watching disney movies

you tried to put on that’s so raven one time and he thought hE could do what raven could and see into the future and it was HILARIOUS

he kept stopping and looking into nothing really intensely and then telling you that he just saw the future

likes to lay on your lap too

he says you smell good and your thighs are really comfy

one time he liCKED YOUR THIGHS??

like a lil kitten lick 😭

he said your thighs told him to do it

ended up eating you out.

[haikyuuphilia]

can i request the boys as classic vines from back in the day? sometimes i miss 2014 man 😔✊🏽 in my head kuroo & bokuto made them all the time😩

ajlsdfjk YES OF COURSE!! this is really chaotic and i spent WAY too long on it

also quick warning that most of these aren’t clean lmao

haikyuu characters as vines

→  HINATA: oh my god he on X games mode

→  KAGEYAMA: he needs some milk

→  YAMAGUCHI: mother trucker dude, that hurt like a buttcheek on a stick

→  TSUKISHIMA: i’m a bad bitch, you can’t kill me

→  TANAKA: what the FUCK is up, kyle? no, what did you say? step the FUCK up 

→  TANAKA to KIYOKO: i love you, bitch. i ain’t never gon stop loving you... bitch

→  NISHINOYA this bitch empty. YEET

→  TANAKA, NISHINOYA, & YAMAMOTO: *moving in sync* it’s all around the world just la la la la la

→  ASAHI: aa. aaa. AAAAAAAAAAA

→  SUGA: so i’m sitting there, barbecue sauce on my titties

→  DAICHI: miss keisha? miss keisha? oh my fuckin god, she fuckin dead

→  KIYOKO: “has anybody ever told you you look like beyonce?” “nah they usually tell me i look like shalissa”

→  YACHI: “i’m lesbian” “i thought you were american”

→  TAKEDA: is there anything better than pussy? yes, a really good book

→  UKAI: “dad look, it’s the good kush” “this is the dollar store, how good can it be”

→  OIKAWA: when there’s too much drama at school, all you gotta do is walk awaAaAaAay

→  OIKAWA & IWAIZUMI: oikawa: so basically, what i was thinking was um *iwaizumi punches him* aw fuck, i can’t believe you’ve done this 

→  IWAIZUMI: what’s better than this? guys bein’ dudes

→  HANAMAKI: happy crismus. it’s crismus. merry crisis. merry chrysler

→  MATSUKAWA: we all die you either kill yourself or get killed

→  TERUSHIMA: so no head?

→  FUTAKUCHI: it’s britney bitch

→  AONE: hi my name’s trey i got a basketball game tomorrow. i’m point guard, i got shoot game

→  KUROO: *nae naes to heart and soul*

→  KENMA: completely giving up. starring Me, Me, Me, and introducing Me

→  LEV: hurricane katrina? more like hurricane tortilla

→  KUROO & BOKUTO: two bros chillin in a hot tub, five feet apart ‘cause they’re not gay

→  BOKUTO to HINATA: hi. i’m renata bliss and i’m your freestyle dance teacher

→  BOKUTO: what up i’m jared i’m 19 and i never fucking learned how to read

→  AKAASHI: ... good evening

→  USHIJIMA: “who’s the hottest uber driver you’ve ever had?” “um i’ve never been to oovoo javer”

→  TENDOU: there is only one thing worse than a rapist. boom. a child

→  ATSUMU: on all levels except physical, i am a wolf

→  ATSUMU/OSAMU: hey everybody, today my brother pushed me, so i’m starting a kickstarter to put him down. the benefits of killing him is that i would be pushed way less 

→  ATSUMU and OSAMU: *atsumu shoots gun* osamu: “this is why mom doesn’t fucking love you”

→  OSAMU: can i get a waffle? can i please get a waffle?

→  ARAN: they ask you how you are and you just have to say that you’re fine but you’re not really fine

→  SUNA: “and they were roommates” “oh my god they were roommates”

→  KITA: country boy, i LoVe yOu... blehh

→  SAKUSA: “you know what? i’m about to say it.” “say it.” “i don’t care that you broke your elbow”

[lovemesomesurveys]

Where all have you been in this world?: Arizona, Idaho, Georgia, and Mexico. Oh, and various places in California, where I live. I’m gonna make you brefagust. (: Whataya want?: Scrambled eggs with spinach and shredded cheese. Are there any words that you just cannot pronounce correctly?: Hmm. What’s in your copy and paste?: Well, this survey. What’d you dream about last night?: I had some very weird dreams last night.

Do you know anyone that’s painfully, socially awkward?: Me. Red or blonde hair?: I mean, I like red hair on myself.  What would you do if a gorilla ate your homework?: What’s of interest to me is why there’s a gorilla anywhere near my homework. And me. How do you usually pose in your pictures?: I always turn to the side. It’s about the angles. Are you clumsy?: Yes. Do you know anyone that absolutely freaks out if you try to take a picture of them?: I mean, I’m kinda like that. I don’t freak out, but I don’t like having my picture taken. I look even worse when someone else takes the photo. Do you pick on them for it and attempt to take loads of pictures anyway?: Have you ever caught yourself dancing?: Uhh. I mean I bob along to music sometimes? That’s about the extent of my dancing. I’m aware I’m doing it, it’s not something I was doing absentmindedly and then realized what I was doing or something, if that’s what you mean. How’s your posture?: Bad. Do you play an instrument?: No. Have you ever had to take care of a fake baby in family ed?: No. I actually missed that part in middle school cause I was in the hospital after having surgery. ^ were you a good mother/father?: What’s your favorite way to wear your hair up?: My hair is either in a pony tail, braid, or messy bun. Have you ever played tennis?: Nah. What’s the last thing you drew/wrote on yourself?: I don’t know, I haven’t done that in a long time. Peace or love?: Peace and love. *peace sign* Who do you love?: God and my family. Who do you NEED?: God and my family. Who do you miss?: Loved ones who have passed away. And Ty. Do any of your friends put ‘lol’ in almost every single text they send you?: No. What do you think of Sarah Palin?: Have you ever read a ‘banned’ book?: No. What does your screen name mean?: It means I love surveys. Pretty self-explanatory. Would you like you, if you met you?: No. I don’t like me as me, so.

What’s your first impression of yourself?: Uh. Where was the last place you went shopping?: The mall. How often do you take naps?: Often-ish. I try not to because I always feel groggy and crappy afterwards, but sleep often wins. Have you ever had to take a sobriety test?: No. Do you like movies more if they’re based on actual events?: I wouldn’t say I like them more necessarily, but it does add something to it. What’s the dumbest thing you’ve ever done with your cell phone?: Nothing comes to mind. What’s your opinion on gold diggers? Selfish, or smart? Both?: I don’t agree with using someone for their money. What would you do if your bf/gf was hitting on someone else right in front of you?: I’d be pissed off and upset to say the least and say something. What’s something you’ve done that you’ve sworn you’d never do?: Ugh. Which ex of yours do you talk to the most?: I don’t talk to any of them. If you were given a country to rule, which one would you want?: I don’t want to rule a country, thanks. Why?: Do you know anyone who lives on an island?: No. Can you recall the first person you ever drank/got drunk/high with?: A friend. ^ are you still friends?: I don’t have any friends anymore. What time of day are you typically the busiest?: I’m not a busy person. I spend my days resting in bed, scrolling through Tumblr, doing surveys, watching YouTube, checking social media, watching TV, eating, and sleeping. That’s not what I’d consider “busy.” They’re distractions and things to occupy myself to get through the day... And what are you doing that keeps you thus?: Did the word ‘thus’ confuse you, or is your IQ over 10?: Wtf. Have you ever taken someone else’s vehicle without permission?: Uh, no. What were you doing the last time you were videotaped?: Something on Snapchat most likely. Is that something you’d be comfortable uploading and sharing?: No. Which friend wears the same size clothes as you do?: Is there anyone’s wardrobe that you’d like to steal?: No. What do you do when you can’t sleep?: Every night I Tumblr, do surveys, watch YouTube/listen to ASMR, and watch TV until I fall asleep. How often do you tell lies, including little white lies?: “Tell me lies, tell me sweet little lies...” Any secrets you’d like to share with the class?: Nah. How many scoops of coffee do you use to make a pot?: I have a Keurig.  ^ is it flavored or plain?: The coffee is just regular coffee, but I use flavored creamer. Have you ever been lost in the woods?: No. What did you last stretch the truth about?: Hmm. Have you ever had withdrawals from something?: Yes. Someone?: Something like that. How old is 'too old’ for you to date?: Date if you’re 100 I don’t care. What’s something that really pisses you off?: Blah. What’s something that always makes you smile?: My doggo. Have you ever taken your frustration out on the wrong person?: Yes. I get moody and snippy and short and my family are the ones I’m closest to and the only people I see, so they get that moody side of me, unfortunately. :/ How many nicknames can you think of for marijuana?: Mary Jane, weed, ganja, kush, bud... What about the police?: Uhhh. How do you feel about guys in tight jeans?: I don’t care? What about cardigans?: I also don’t care. Do you know how to use roman numerals properly?: Some. Longest period of time you’ve ever been awake?: Over 30 something hours. Favorite hour-long show?: I have a few. Favorite half-hour show?: I have a few of those, too. Best looking person you know of the same sex?: I think my mama is beautiful. I wish I looked more like her. I’m also very envious cause she has the best skin. My grandma did, too. I did not inherit that. What’s worse; flat soda, or warm soda?: Flat soda. Most people who’ve slept over at your house all at once?: 5. Have you ever stapled yourself?: I don’t think so. Steak or chicken?: Chicken. I don’t like steak. What’s one thing you’ve learned from a good relationship gone bad?: Hm. If you could pick to be any person in a movie, who would it be?: I don’t know. Who would you like to spend the night with?: No one. What stripper name would you give yourself?: Quickie. lmao. For those who don’t know by now, I’m in a wheelchair. Is flirting really cheating?: I absolutely would have a problem with a significant other flirting with someone else.  What’s something you own that’s /only/ of sentimental value?:  I’m big on that kind of thing, so I have a lot. What’s your choice of chips?: Doritos, either the nacho cheese or cool ranch flavor. What song would you use to torture someone?: That one song that goes, “this is the song that never ends, it goes on and on my friend. Some people started singing it not knowing what it was, and they’ll continue singing it forever just because it is the song that ever ends...” and repeat. What is the weirdest compliment you have ever received?: Some random woman thought I had polio since I’m in a wheelchair and said, “You look pretty for having polio.” ...... If someone REALLY fat was upset, and saying how FAT they were, what would you say?: I don’t know? I get uncomfortable when people make comments about their weight or appearance and do self-deprecating jokes. I do it, too, but I don’t know how to respond when other people do it. I try not to do it often cause I know it makes people uncomfortable.  What’s the funniest thing you’ve ever heard a kid say?: Kids say the darndest things.  Has anyone licked you today?: My doggo. Three things you can’t live without?: Oxygen, food, water. Three things you want to live without?: I’d love to not have health issues, both physical and mental. A random stranger walks up to you and says 'you’re hott’. You say: I’d probably awkwardly chuckle and be like, “uh, thanks” and keep going. 

[itsjussami]

The hole

It was in the darkest of holes that I found myself, however it was not the light that saved me, it was the fear of being stuck there, picture yourself there, can you feel it? The darkness? Haunting isn’t it, would you believe me if I told you I wasn’t scared, of all the monsters that could possibly appear, all the demons and creatures of the abyss I was only ever scared of one thing, being stuck in this hole.

121 days of unemployment, 121 days of failure, 121 days of waking up only to sleep, this is the hole, it’s getting darker, scared yet? Nah you’re not scared, because I already told you I was saved, right? That can only mean there is a way out. Life hasn’t quite turned out to be how I pictured it, the opposite actually, mental stability is becoming a concern, I’ll fix it though, drugs, thank you.

Where was I? still in the hole, shocking, this wasn’t the plan, how did I get in this hole? How do I get out, more drugs, thank you. To get drugs you need money, I have money, £20 will buy you approximately 3.0 grams of cotton candy Kush, very potent strain of marijuana, £20 will also buy 3 Xanax pills or a bottle of vodka, eugh vodka, ill pass, “Xanax please Mr drug dealer” now I feel better, this hole doesn’t seem any lighter but I feel I can sit here a little longer, the drugs will save me, that’s a lie, the drugs can only sustain me. How do I get out this hole? 122 days of unemployment, 122 days of failure, 122 days of waking up only to sleep, its okay you can ask me, why am I keeping count, like a prisoner in solitary waiting to leave, what am I counting up towards, maybe nothing, maybe everything, the Xanax is wearing off, it’s still dark, but I don’t want tot sit here anymore, 122 days in this hole, when will it end? The phone rings once, it rings twice, I answer “hello its Lauren from IAG insurance ltd” piss off Lauren, I wonder if she knew I was in a hole would she reach out her hand to save me? No. Laurens on commission, fuck Lauren. This hole is getting smaller, I need to fix this, drugs, thank you again. I’m back, its still dark, mental stability is getting worse, if only I could hear voices, I would at least have some company, its dead silent in here, like a box with nothing inside, have you ever heard silence so silent it fills you with un-ease? Have you ever been scared to close your eyes in fear that you will see no difference? This is darkness, this is where I am, in this hole, this dark silent hole. I should ask for help, who do I ask? Will you help me? … no answer. No one is coming to help me, that’s okay I can fix this, drugs, thank you. Its 23:58, 60 seconds, its 23:59, 59 seconds, its almost midnight, 00:00, 123 days of unemployment, 123 days of failure, 123 days of waking up only to sleep, though I can’t sleep, day 123, 7 minutes past midnight, I feel like I’m waiting for someone, or something, sacred yet? Nah me neither, it said that bad people carry bad spirits with them, am I a bad person? Who else is in this hole with me? Am I truly alone? 24 minutes past midnight, I’m usually asleep by now, the Xanax is still ever present in my body, why can’t I sleep? I can fix this, I need to smoke, enter the cotton candy Kush, its choking me, that’s okay, it does that sometimes, I feel delirious, you shouldn’t mix drugs, anything to get out this hole though, I need sleep.

What a stupid noise, to wake up with something so threatening, so loud so invasive, snooze, 5 more minutes, still on day 123, what to do what to do, am I lost in this hole or am I sitting here voluntarily, I want out, logic dictates I just get up and go, somethings holding on to me though, this is not voluntary, something has a grasp on me, its failure, its holding onto me, the tight clench of this monster reluctant to let go, its drawing blood, I see blood, I feel I should be scared but I’m not, have I become so used to this monster it no longer scares me? Claret such a pretty colour, what a stupid noise, how load how invasive, snooze over, it was just a dream, there is no monster, just me. 123 days of unemployment, the days are going quicker, almost as if a sand timer is counting me down, is this my decent into madness? Or just my demise? 10:09am breakfast, I taste nothing because I feel nothing, I feel nothing because in this hole, emotion is unacceptable, no sadness available, all out of luck, laughter is non-existent, 10:43am shower, as hot as I can get it, burn me, I won’t feel it I promise, 11:11am make a wish, it didn’t come true, wishes do not come true in the hole, 12:40 I need a job I search online, you see a good job is a good structure to life, I need a good structure, in the hole there is no structure, do you think people can tell I’m in a hole? Can you tell? Or is it just for me? You see the thing is there are no monsters here, monsters more often than not, tend to be human, holy shit, am I the monster? Did I bring myself here? …wait I’m thinking, … 7:22pm where did the time go, have I been thinking all this time, nothing has come of it, I know where I was, I was in the hole, time goes quick in the hole, its dark out, its always dark, even in the light all I see is darkness, a bit dramatic right? Accurate though, the Xanax is still coursing through my body, strong pills this time, teeth are gritting, I need some cotton candy, that should calm me down, that’s better.

It seems like I’m making a home here, in this hole, the darkness has become my friend, the drugs are my neighbours, failure is becoming too familiar. Sleep.

124 days of unemployment, 124 days of failure, 124 days of waking up only to sleep,

Skillset: extensive customer service experience, sales experience, good communication skills, an ideal candidate, hire me, please, please hire me, I need structure, I need to get out this hole, phone notification from the bank “your debt must be re-payed” oh yeah, I forgot about that, I didn’t tell you, I’m sorry, I have considerable debt, ammunition for the whole to keep its grasp on me, maybe that’s why I like it here, I can hide NO I need to get out, phone notification, its Bella, “Where have you been for so long? I miss you”, that’s Bella, she’s sweet, another reason to get out the hole, I’d like to see Bella again, but I can’t let her see me like this, not like this, no reply for Bella, sorry Bella. Temperature 23 degrees, why is it so hot in here, cotton wool blend, made in Cambodia, this sweater is too tight, the hole is shrinking, I feel uneasy, wait... I can fix this, drugs. Drugs. Thank fuck. I breathe deeper and heavier than usual, last Xanax that was, no more Kush, drugs cost money, I have money, Funds: £0 SHIT!!! Now I need a job, not just for structure for money, to live, the hole drags me deeper inside, its getting darker, the kind of darkness you can only imagine, now I’m fucked, 10.41pm day 124, no drugs left, still in the hole, no money left, still in this hole, deeper and deeper it pulls me, now what the fuck do I do? I’m feeling hostile, the drugs are waring off, I don’t want to be sober in this hole, I don’t want to know the reality of it, fuck this fuck this fuck this fuck this. Think. I can fix this, No drugs. Shit. I can’t fix this, have you realised it yet? I can’t fix this can I? its okay you can tell me, I fucked up didn’t I, there it is again, the silence, although this time its too silent, I have all my senses in perfect function, its more quiet than I have ever felt it to be, this hole is getting scary again, I need to get out of this hole, 10:42pm, what? Its only been one minute, I can fix this, no drugs, shit. I feel like I’ve been here before, have I? where you with me? Where do I go from here? You have no answers do you? That’s okay, I forgive you, 10:42pm, 10:42pm, 10:42pm, 10:42pm, 10:43pm fuck me times going slow. Why do I have a feeling this is just the beginning, it’s been over a hundred days, I’ve lost count, day 124 right? Are you keeping count? Mental stability is at maximum alert, there it is, the monster I didn’t want to see, its looking at me, can you see it? Well… Can you? Its eyes are as dark as this hole, skin like porcelain, no facial features, no face, legs like tree trunks, no arms, what the fuck kind of monster is this, its just staring at me, its just staring, its frozen, I can’t stop looking, I’m scared, are you scared? What does it want, “I need to get out this hole” a sinister smile appears on the faceless monster, sharp jagged teeth, the smile grows bigger, I yell louder “I need to get out this hole!” it wont stop smiling, why wont it stop smiling, I feel a cold presence, pierce through me, its frozen again, its smile its eyes its teeth, my hole was empty until now, for so long I craved company an now I have it, a monster, is this my companion? I whisper to myself “I seriously need to get out this hole” the monster comes closer, its moving towards me, it gets close, temperature -1 degrees fuck me its cold, the monster, can you see it? Can you see me? Finally, I realise, I’m still alone, the monster is me, its me, are you confused? Me too, I need to get out of this hole, I’m done I want out, I’m done I’m out! No drugs try to sleep just sleep. Can’t sleep. Just fucking sleep!

Day 125 9:09am the phone rings, “hello this is Sarah calling from National Auto Sales, you recently applied for a position with us for car sales, I’d like to invite you for an interview today at 2pm if that’s okay?” I love you Sarah. Am I out the hole? It can’t be, really? I don’t believe you. 125 days of unemployment, 125 days of failure, 125 days of waking up… am I done?

[greenergrassinsafermeadows]

Chapter 13

“........................You… really do love me right? Not just because I’m what’s available?” Clara regretted speaking as soon as the words left her mouth. Craig turned to her, clearly some sort of upset but unreadably so.     “What?” He put his phone down and faced her fully, “Of course I love you? Clara why is that even a question?” She hesitated, shifting her eyes down to the floor. “I- I dunno. I just think about it. Sometimes. It’s stupid.”     “Yea, it really is.” He slid forward, grabbing one of her hands. “Stop thinking about it sometimes. Stop thinking about it any times. It’s dumb Clara. I absolutely fucking love you.”        “It’s. Yea. Just when you were with… Clara. You said it was always her or nobody. I just hope you don’t, y’know, think the same thing about me…”       “Clara.” He scooted forward even closer, “Clara, Clara, Clara.” he climbed into her lap, squishing her face in his hands, “Are you done being stupid now? Are you finished with that?”          “Yes?” “Ok good. Because that was terrible.” He stayed where he was, but opted to let go of her face. “I could’ve asked you the same thing, we both know I’m a cooler, more attractive version of this dimensions sad excuse for a Payton. How do I know you’re not just leveling up?”       She looked hurt for a second, and opened her mouth to object. Craig beat her too it though. “Yea, see, how does that feel?” “...Bad. You’re right, I’m sorry.” She resigned. Both of them slipped into silence for a moment before Craig spoke again.      “If it makes any difference… I’ve known since October. Before… all that shit happened.” “...Known what?”     “That I was into you Clara,” He said with an exasperated sigh, “It felt… Gross for awhile. Like I was cheating or something. So I just kinda banked on telling myself it was because you were… y’know, her.” He sighed, scratching at the back of his neck, “You’re really not. I don’t think I’ve ever even seen you wear makeup- not that that’s, bad.- just. You’re also kinda ripped? Which is nice she couldn’t even carry her own shopping bags. I’m off topic now.”     Clara managed a smile, “You just like that I can pick you up.” “That’s true. I won’t actively deny that.” He leaned in and kissed her, “But I do love you a lot ok? So stop being dumb.”     “I love you too,” she started, then laughed sheepishly, “I’ve uh. Known since my last birthday. But then you read my diary and I kinda wanted to break your face for awhile.”                   “Well!” He threw his hands up before crossing his arms and pouting, “How  else was I supposed to know if you thought I was cool.” “Payton. I’ve never once in my life thought that you were cool.”          He gasped, scalded. “How could you say that! I’m the coolest person you know! You can’t deny it I know the people you hang out with!” “You don’t know all my friends. Some of them smoke the dank kush and fight possums at 1am in the morning.”     “That’s a lie. You’re lying to me right now.” “I am not.” She said with a laugh, “But the point is I love you. Even though you’re kind’ve an asshole.”      “That’s really cheesy. Like romcom cheesy. Hey, wanna watch a romcom?” “Payton I’m not in a place where I’m emotionally strong enough to comfort you when you start crying during ‘The Notebook’.”       “You don’t know I was gonna pick that one. There’s more than one romantic comedy on the planet.” “Unfortunately you’re right.” There was no real spite in her words,  just laughter. “But hey, really I’m- I’m sorry. About doubting you. I guess- I mean I know I was never her replacement but. I was also the closest person there.”        “That’s really not how it was Clara. For awhile- no offense but for awhile even thinking about you fucking hurt by extension.” “I’m.. Payton I’m sorry-”        “Nah, don’t be,” he waved her off, “It was usual post break up stuff, you cry a lot, eat some ice-cream, violently shit for an hour because you ate too much ice-cream, think about just fucking offing yourself, cry some more, listen to sad songs-”     Clara’s face shattered, “You…. you what? ” “I’m lactose intolerant Clara, it wasn’t the best idea but sometimes Ben and Jerry are the only friends a guy has-”    “Payton!” She grabbed his hands, looking horrified, “That’s not what I meant and you know it!” He looked down at her, a bit surprised at her sudden change in demeanor, “What? The ‘offing myself’ thing? It’s obviously not like I actually  did it Clara.” He gestured to himself, still present and alive. “It’s just one of those normal ‘post getting dumped’ feelings.”    “Payton that’s- that is not how people normally react to breakups.” “You put yourself in the hospital when you got dumped- or, did the dumping? How did that even work?”     “I- I don’t know but that’s not the point! I didn’t put myself in the hospital on purpose! I definitely never wanted to die!” “Really? That’s like, the usual post-break-up nihilism and depression though isn’t it?”    “Payton. Thinking about suicide isn’t usual. That’s terrifying.” “Well I’m not thinking about it now!”     “Yeah but- but just-” Clara didn’t really have a response. Holy shit was that really how bad things had been after? She stopped herself, took a deep breath, freaking out wouldn’t help anything. He was ok at the moment. That was what mattered. Still, she pulled him into a nearly crushing embrace, resting her head on his shoulder.     “Clara.” He started after a moment, “I’m fine. Really.” “Do you want me to let go?”      “....No. Don’t do that.” “Didn’t think so.” She did however, pull back enough to kiss his forehead. “I’m…” She hesitated a moment, wondering if saying it out loud would jinx things. “I’m glad you’re here. In this- this general plane of existence? I mean? Dimension? Whatever, I’m glad you’re in it.”       “Yeah…” For a moment, he looked contemplative, oh god she’d just said she was glad he got ripped away from everything he’d ever known or loved, Clara what the fuck were you thinking?! But then, he smiled. Leaning forward and kissing her again, “Yeah, I am too.”

[king-kodi]

Do them all (:

1. You woke up naked next to the last person you texted, what would you say? probably good morning

2. What’s going on between you and the last person you kissed? Ahhhh

3. If your boyfriend or girlfriend was into drugs, would you care? It depends on what type of drugs it is

4. Is your last name longer than six letters? yeah it’s 8

5. Was your last kiss drunk or sober? Sober

6. Have you ever wanted to have someone but you messed it up? Yeah probably

7. What does your last received text say? “Why am I so tired?”

8. How many times have you kissed the last person you kissed? so so many

9. Where was your last kiss at? My living room couch

10. When is the last time you saw your sister? like an hour ago

11. What do you drink in the morning? Water

12. Where did you sleep last night? My bed

13. Do you think relationships are hard? No not really

14. If you could go back and change something in the past 5 months, would you? Yes

15. You’re locked in a room with the last person you kissed, any problems? I doubt it

16. Would you rather it be sunny or rainy? Drizzly

17. Do you know anyone with the same middle name as you? Nope

18. Are you wearing jeans,sweatpants,or pajama pants? Basketball Shorts

19. Do you think you will be in a relationship 3 years from now? God I hope

20. Does anyone like you? I mean I have a couple friends

21. Have you ever kissed someone with a name that starts with an S? Nada

22. Is the last person you kissed gay? The gayest

23. Is there a person you CANNOT stand? Of course

24. Have you ever considered getting a tattoo? Yeah. I’m probably going to get one soon

25. In the past week have you cried? Probably

26. What breed was the last dog you saw? The last one I touched is a Chihuahua/ Boston Terrier mix

27. Do you dry off in the shower or out of the shower? ? in the shower is wet??

28. Have you ever kissed a football player? no ew

29. Do you think you’re old? I’m the oldest I’ve ever been pal

30. Do you like text messaging? I’m 20 of course I do

31. What type of day are you having? eh

32. Have you ever thought about getting your nose pierced? yeeeee

33. Do you prefer warm or cold weather? cold

34. Is there a person of the opposite sex who means a lot to you? yeaaahhhhh my neighbor boy is my bffl

35. Would you prefer a relationship or a fling? relationship

36. Are you a simple or complicated person? ?

37. What song are you listening to? the song of my computer fan

38. When you say you’re sorry do you mean it? Usually39. Is there a girl that knows everything or almost everything about you? Yeah 40. What made you start liking the person you like now? Oh boy, she sure is damn cute across a room41. When did you last receive a text message? a minute ago42. What is wrong with you right now? I’m cold and also hungry43. How well do you know the last female you texted? Pretty dang well 44. Does anyone disgust you? yes45. Would you date someone right now if they asked? yeah why not46. Are you in a good mood right now? eh47. Who was the last person you talked to in person? my sister48. What color shirt are you wearing? n/a49. Has someone recently told you something you didn’t want to hear? I’m sure they have50. Anyone you’re giving up on? I’m trying not to

51. Do you hate the person you fell hardest for? Sometimes

52. Have you ever thought about giving up on someone but couldn’t? yes53. Do you like rain? hellz yeah 54. Do you care if your boyfriend/girlfriend drinks? nah. unless it’s ya know too much55. Have you ever liked somebody and never told them? yeah 56. Do you like to cuddle? yesss57. Are you shy? usually 58. Do you get along with girls? Ye. I guess59. Have you dated the person you texted last? Ye 60. What do you carry with you at all times? Phone, Keys, Wallet 61. If you were paid 1 million dollars to spend the night in a supposed haunted house, would you? sure 62. Do you think you can last in a relationship for five months? Yeah? 63. Think back to October, were you in a relationship? no 64. The person you like kisses you on the forehead, do you find this cute? ye65. Did anything “cute” happen in the last week? I’m sure. I think everything is cute

66. How old are the last three people you kissed? 20- 22 probably

67. Would you rather pay to get your nails done or do them yourself? ew    68. Which do you like better- Zebra print or leopard print? Zebra   69. Do you have any stickers on your car? I have all the stickers on my car70. Would you rather listen to Luke Bryan or Lil Wayne? I mean they both have their place on the playlist    71. Blackberry, Anroid, or iPhone? Android    72. When’s the last time you had pizza from Pizza Hut? I don’t know but that’s my favorite delivery place so probably recently 73. Do you like diet soda?    no 74. What color are the walls in your room? White? A weird light blue? Who knows   75. Are you 16 or older?  ye   76. Do you watch Pretty Little Liars? I did on and off when it came out  77. Do you have a job? Ye   78. What are your initials? KLH 79. Did you ever have braces? No but for some reason I really wanted them in middle school80. Are you from the south? Bama baby 

81. What does your last status on facebook say? I don’t even know the last time I posted on facebook   82. Do you still talk to the first person you ever kissed? No  83. Are you closer to your mom or your dad? My mom for sure    84. Have you ever done cheerleading or gymnastics? no   85. What’s the last movie you saw in theaters? I have no idea    86. Do you smoke? Smoke what ;))))))))))))   87. Would you rather wear heels or flip flops? flippity floppities    88. Is your phone touch screen? Whose isn’t?89. Do you normally wear your hair straight or curly? My hair is straight as hell90. Have you ever snuck out of your house? no 91. Would you rather swim in a river, lake, or pool? pool all the way92. Have you ever made out in a car? ye93. …Had sex in a car? yeahhh B))))94. Are you single or in a relationship? single 95. What were you doing last night at midnight? smoking dank kush 96. When’s the last time you saw fireworks? hmm forever ago97. Do you like the camera on your phone?  no it’s shit98. Have you ever had a friend with benefits?  ehhhhhhh99. Have you ever passed out from drinking? nope100. Are you friends with people on facebook that you actually hate? I’m sure I am101. Have you ever had a pregnancy scare? haha102. Name your favorite Kesha song: __________103. Do you have any tan lines right now?  only my redneck ones104. Would you ever wear cowboy boots with shorts? god no