#sometimes they'll just run over me while i'm lying down and i get scratches from that too

[buryam-soul]

Average cat owner experience, can confirm

[ows6]

~Time Shadow~ prt 1 Fanfiction

Blackwatch&Overwatch

BEFORE IT ALL HAPPENED

Gabriel reyes Jesse mccree genji & moria we're all wondering how are they gonna plan there mission. Later gabriel realized in the blackwatch mission he'll get betrayed from antonio, Later Gabe, Jesse, Genji, Moira, all together with antonio, as he was talking about being locked up gabe couldn't let that happened moria even seen what was happening genji and jesse didn't knew what after gabe killed antonio jesse went up to gabe and told him this was not part of the plan gabe then told him we're going with plan B. They all killed talons soldiers tanks and assassins during the mission after retrieving back to overwatch headquarters jack went off on gabe why they ruined the mission. Mccree overheard a couple years later kingsrow was attack.

Lena, Angela, Reinhardt, Torbjorn, all ready preparing to fight the ominics null sectors

Gabriel called through asked lena, if she was alright on her first mission lena told him don't worry gabe I'm alright happily telling him. Gabe then had to put the call with jack Morrison to tell them what they'll do on there mission. Later on in kingsrow lena,Angela,Reinhardt,Torbjorn took out all null sectors after lena got done with her mission she found a girl named emily, she and her got coffee together and spend time talking having a good time they'd soon kiss both being happy 3 months past gabe called lena wondering if she would like to hangout she looks at emily and said sure but would you be alright if me and my girlfriend come along. Gabe: Sure lena that's alright with me.

Friday Night

Gabe lena and Emily went to a fancy restaurant. Gabe was talking about lena saying she'll be a awesome leader later on. Lena looked at gabe blush for a minute emily punch her arm laughing saying that'll be lovely lena told gabe if he wanted to spend time over at the apartment while sipping tea. Gabe said sure lena I would love that they soon arrived home to the apartment to classical music lena wrapped her arms around gabes waist while emily shuting the apartment door locking it. He gently puts his hands on her waist dancing step by step. Emily sat on the couch watching has she wanted a turn lena grabs Emily's hand by lifting her up and dancing lena then whispered something in her ear where gabe couldn't hear? He the just sat on the couch after awhile the time was around 8pm gabe looked at Emily & lena out of breath. Both of them breathed for air saying bloody hell gabe then would get them water as 35min past they went in their bedroom gabe was sorta nervous at this point saying if it's alright if he'll come back tomorrow? Lena directly said no it's alright come on in giggling he opens door seeing lena and Emily in bed he asked wait what's happening lena quietly says shhh it's fine emily step up and took his hand while music plays in background lights turned down she walks him over to the bed has he was nervous lena then kiss his cheek whispering it's alright quietly in his ear then she nibbles on it has Emily behind said hey lena do you think we should have fun with him later as she said sure Emily I don't mind. Gabe then got out the bed walking to the door going to the living room sleeping on their couch cause he was tired 2 hrs later while gabe, was sleeping emily&lena sneaked over watching him sleep aww he so cute said lena. I want his beanie lena she snatched his beanie right off his head slowly. Emily his jacket his hanging up I'm she sniffs jacket saying his jacket smells wonderful Emily then sniffs too. He then woke up seeing both sniffing his stuff awkwardly and they both blushed he then told them do you girls have a fetish with men clothes

They both were silent looking at him gabe then asked lena don't worry your secret is safe with me while chuckling lena took a couple steps near gabe and then kissed him holding his waist he was silent blushing they both stared and wonder if he was ok lena tap his shoulder and he fainted. They soon put him on bed while sleeping with him.

Earlier morning

Gabriel woke up seeing Emily and lena sleeping with him in bed. He lifts the covers to see if anything happened and sees nothing besides them in their underwear then realizes. Poking lena psst hey what happened last night while I was out she leans over and whispers to his ear and told him we had fun has he went to the bathroom checking hisself seeing if there was stains on his underwear and turns out there was a couple white stains he then said they couldn't have? And checked his chest and then sees a kiss mark gasp they did he then steps out bathroom while lena stared him down saying you alright luv? He told lena I know what happened last night she looks at him nervously and tells him fine yes we had fun with you last night me and Emily did naughty thing's but we couldn't help are selves he then told lena did we had sex? Lena looking at him not yet love as he looked at her kinda blushing scratching his head.I mean lena isn't this like your first time she told him yes but she was fine with it she then would wake Emily up to join and 3hrs later they were tired on bed nude lena thanked gabe as Emily did same. But he was past out again they got up and made breakfast and as soon he ate with them. 9 months have past lena had a baby she told Winston if he could see if it was a girl/boy by doing results on the computer Winston came out with DNA tests and the results said it was a girl gabriel lena emily stood there holding the baby happily later gabe got a called about overwatch falling apart he then had to settle it with jack he told lena he was going on a mission as they both told him to be careful. Later Jack and gabe fight while the building they were in was collapsing gabe told jack why overwatch was dying as jack pushed gabe punching his face gabe leaned over smacking jack with his shotgun while the building was collapsing it was all over news lena and emily was worried lena putted on her outfit and ran fast as she could but it was to late in the end jack was lying on the floor as to gabe a sharp metal piece stabbed him through chest the last thing gabe saw was lena calling his name has jack was lying on the floor.

Rest in peace

Mercy and gabe gotten along pretty well back then everyone was at his memorial as mercy looked around while it was raining seeing lena crying with emily and Winston, then seeing Reinhardt torbjorn genji pharah later they all left besides 3 jesse mccree looked down tears falling from his face giving his grave a flower and then it stopped raining jack was hiding on top of a roof crying that he been saved from gabe ana amari was watching mccree running away the last words he said was you didn't deserve this at all before taking off.

I'll be making a part 2 later on If you have read my story and liked it I appreciate it if you wanna keep updated just give me a follow and I'll be doing another story sometime this coming weekend .

[irepookie]

Wake up Call, Infinity Ch.3

Summary: QUEEN AU WHERE ROGER (ROWAN)IS A19 YEAR OLD SINGLE DAD TRYING TO FIND A PLACE IN THE WORLD OF MUSIC

WARNINGS: iNTENSE FLUFF AND SOME SWEARING

Chapter 3: Row has to start stepping out of the bubble him and his daughter have been living in while in the safety of the hospital, and break the news to his best friends. 

John- Rick

Fred-Len

Bri- Terry

Rog- Rowan

When Row had hung up on Len mid sentence, the boys had been confused. Then again, he was at his mom's house and they had heard her infamous shout of <<ROWAN EUGENE QUEEN>> that always preceded an argument, so they let it go. But then he didn't turn up to rehearsal, or called back for the rest of the afternoon. Or the following afternoon. Or for rest of the week. And that was unlike him. He always called back. (Well, most of his former one night stands would disagree with this). Let's just say he always called his band mates back. Sometimes drunk, at 4 AM, Thus leaving  a wakeful Terry with 2 hours to spare nothing to do but to start revising for whatever exam he had ahead.

So, when they didn't know of him, they went directly to the village's police station, to see if he was locked up, and if not, to report him missing.

"What if we ask Gina?" Rick suggested

"I'd rather check the morgue first, thanks" Len said.

"Well, what else can we do? Huh?"

"Audition new drummers"

"Seriously boys. Let's go."

They knocked on Row's childhood home. Gina opened, with messy hair, a dressing gown and slippers

"Oh, hello boys. He ain't here" she took a drag of the 4th cigarette she had smoked that day despite it only being 8:30 AM.

"Where is he?"

"He isn't at home?"

"We've checked and there's no track of him. We haven't seen him in 7 days"

She sighed "in the hospital, I think. If he hasn't left already"

"Hospital?" All three said simultaneously

"What happened?!" Len added

"You don't know?"

"Know what?"

She smiled, mockingly "Wow, father of the year isn't so sure after all"

"What?"

She laughed bitterly. If he hadn't told his best friends yet, it maybe meant he was reconsidering the whole thing. Maybe common sense had hit him after the first stinky nappy.

"You know what? Come in."

"Oh we were actually in a rush..."

"You wanna find him or not? Come in, I don't bite

"Alright" all three musicians entered somewhat awkwardly in the house where so many sleep overs had taken place, back in the day.

She led them to the kitchen, where the phone was, and dialed.

Callie was the closest to the phone "Row? Yes, I'll get him"

She made her way to the room where the Prune had been moved in the previous evening, due to her favourable evolution and the need of free incubators.

She grinned at the scene: the 6 day old infant was dozing against her dad's bare chest, supported by his hands -which seemed huge in comparison to her small figure-. His eyes were closed, but Callie could tell he was awake as his left hand was stroking her head. It was adorable, and they seemed at such peace -poor Row had spent his first whole night on night watch and was exhausted-.

"Row" she called softly

He opened his big blue eyes in acknowledgement.

"You have a call"

"A call? From who?" He whispered back, before looking down at the baby to make sure she was asleep

"Didn't say. But she was kind of irritated"

"Oh, that's mom then" he smiled sarcastically, but didn't move a bit.

"You aren't gonna get on the phone?"

"I don't know. She doesn't deserve our attention does she?" He cooed

"How bad can it be?"

"You don't wanna see my bad side. And I don't ever want her to see it either"

Callie smiled "Go. I'll stay with her"

He groaned in annoyance. He was so comfortable, and he didn't want to get up.

"C'mere darling" he mumbled, detaching his daughter from his lap and carefully lying her on the cot

He exited the room and walked to the phone "What?"

"Row! Where are you?" The three voices of his best friends greeted him from the other side

"Oh, hi guys I... How did you get this number?"

"We're calling you from your mum's. She says you're in hospital" Terry's soft voice said worriedly

"You've gone fucking AWOL! Where are you man? We're worried as hell" Len scolded

"Oh yeah, hehe been..."he scratched the back of his head "been pretty busy" He glanced in the direction of his daughter's room, where he saw Callie readjusting the yellow teddy bear he had bought her the second day.

"Busy? With what?" Rick inquired

"It's... It's a long story."

"Well we've got time"

"Shouldn't you be in uni?" Row said in hopes they'd have to run into class

"It's Sunday, Row!"

"Oh is it?" He had lost track of time, honestly

"C'mon! Spit it"

He sighed "Alright, huh..." He tried to think of where to start. He couldn't really think much tho; his brain was pudge at that moment. "I met a girl in..." He counted nine months back from February "June?" No wait Piper was premature so it could be July or... Then it hit him. "No, remember that afternoon when we set up that Live Aid session in your parents backyard, Len?"

The boys nodded. July 13th. How could they forget? It had been dubbed the best Summer Party of 1985 in town. The four of them had tried to get tickets, but they couldn't even afford a ticket to London in the first place. And so, They watched the whole show with four TV screens around the yard instead, and the whole village had joined them, arguing on which performance had been the best.

Of course, all four members of Symbols agreed that it had been Queen.

"But they signed up late" someone said 

 "Yea, they came late to the party" another agreed. 

"So what? They rocked the party! You just say that because you like U2 better"

 "Like you prefer Queen!" 

 "But we've got a point! Regardless of how much we like them, they were, objectively, the best performance" /

"Objectively? Bullshit!" Anne Williams snapped "They played the same shit they always play! And Bono was a true gentleman, helping that girl who was getting crashed by the crowd."

 "Yea, I'm sure Freddie wouldn't have given a shit, so full of himself and his teeth up his~" /

Dennis Phelps couldn't finish his sentence as a  someone tossed him a Converse, which hit his head. A young woman, with Bowie-like orange dyed haircut approached, with  a bare left foot and the matching shoe on the other 

 "You know nothing about putting up a good show then. Also, you mess with Freddie Mercury again and next time the shoe will be stuck up your ass" she told Dennis, retrieving the item "I mean, it's clear who I'm rooting for but Queen really did what had to be done. Geldof told them all to play the hits, because that's precisely why they're hits: they work. Other artists, like your boyfriend Bono and his band played new material, as if this was their concert. And it's not. Even though they signed up on time and whatever. They took a risk, crowd didn't know the song, they lost interest. But Queen had common sense: they played the hits, the anthems, and people connected with them. And it's not about Freddie or him hypnotizing Wembley. It's having some common sense. And not even you two knew the lyrics of U2s new song. So shut the hell up"

Row had liked her instantly. That's a girl who knows the stuff.

They exchanged a smile, a wink and a complicit nod

"We must join our forces to help out our friends under pressure, don't we?" She said

"Oh yes, Bowie girl." Terry remembered

"Yep."

"So what's with her?" Rick said

"Well, that.. she..." He cut himself off when a cry echoed in Pip's room "Gotta go, guys. I'll call you back"

"No! Row!" Len said, but the line went dead

"Shit"

"What happened?" Gina, who had watched the scene from the door frame, -and was about to finish her 6th cigar in a row,- asked

"He rambled about that Live Aid day, and a girl he met there"

"Did he say her name?"

"No. He had to go suddenly. It's all weird"

"Yea, well... Life is weird, boys"

"I don't understand. What's going on? Can't you tell us, Mrs. Queen?"

"Oh no. No. It's not my story to tell. Nor my business. I tried my best, but that stubborn bastard didn't listen. I'm sorry" she said

"But is he okay?" Len asked, concerned

Gina grinned, at how despite it all, the four boys would stick up with each other to the end of the world "Yes. He's fine."

"Row, are you okay?" Callie said, as the drummer wordlessly took the bundle from her

"Yes, yes. Why wouldn't I be?" He said, sitting with the fussy baby

"You're a bit pale"

"Oh I... Nothing. Just... I'm nervous honestly. Because we're about get discharged and I'm gonna be alone with her and I'll have to dad around all by myself and... And everyone will know..."

"Know what?"

"About her"

"And is that a problem?" Callie crossed her arms

"No, I mean... No, of course not. But everyone will ask questions and judge me and... I'm worried I will end up believing them more and fuck it all up"

"Believing what?"

"They'll start telling me it's a mistake, that I'm gonna screw everything up and that I won't be able to be a good dad and I'm afraid it will become true"

"So you're saying that how people think of you is gonna affect the way you... How you called it? Dad around?"

He nodded "Well, answer me these, will you? Have you, in this moment or at any point during these seven days, thought you are making a mistake?"

He looked at the tiny bundle and shook his head.

"Are you willing to always do your best for the shake of Piper?"

He nodded, noticing he was unconsciously rocking her back and forth.

"Then what's the problem?"

"Look I haven't exactly been a role model in... Well anything. One thing my mom's proud of is that I'm not into drugs. Everyone who has a daughter in the block hates me. So how am I supposed to raise one?"

"Exactly how you've been doing the last six days"

"Yes but I have you guys. And the medics, and the equipment. But there I'll be all alone"

"You will never be alone. You have the friends you've told me about. And your mum...Maybe the little darling is gassy"

"Oh stop about my mum" he carefully changed the Prune to an upright position and began to rub circles on her back without even hesitation. Wow he was actually getting a hold on the burping stuff.

"Yes. Your mum will eventually come to terms with the lil'raisin. I'm sure." She said, whist handing him a muslin to place on the baby's range of accuracy

"Oh you don't know her"

"I know she's a mum. Your mum and mother's rarely ever turn their backs on their children for good"

Row looked at the baby, then raised an eyebrow at Callie

"I said it's rare. There are obviously exceptions" she said "And believe me you're better off. Also, she did call. That's gotta Mean  something"

"I didn't speak with her. Just the band. They were at her place, yeah but... I don't know. I'm not gonna beg on my fucking knees..." He was interrupted by a burp I his ear. Damn, that was a big one. He'd need 2 beers to produce such a loud one.

"Easy, tiger." He laughed "Goddamn it, where did that come from, huh? You're unbelievable" he praised, while getting the muslin out his shoulder and handing it to Callie

"And a neat one too. 10/10." She chuckled

"Atta girl. That's my lil'raisin. Yeah, good girl" he cooed, bringing her to face him, before she started fussing and he nested her again on his chest "Aw, don't cry honey. Please. You're alright. C'mon" he begged. She settled down quickly, and he sighed in relief.

"The point is, that here is like... I feel safe, you know? It's like another world. Another life. And now I have to fit her in my every day, and be in charge and stuff, and... I'm not sure I'm ready"

"Parents are never ready to take them home. Not even those who had 9 months of preparation, and parenting classes, and a nicely decorated and supplied nursery. No one feels ready. But nerves are good. Nerves mean that you care. Worrying and doubting about your ability to be the dad your child needs is precisely what's gonna make you raise your game. Just one last question: are you 100% that you love that lil one with all your heart?"

He looked at his daughter, who had gone back to sleep with the rambling of his voice, as his hand still caressed head and grinned "Hell yeah" Otherwise, how could he explain the way his chest seemed to be holding two hearts whenever she was in his arms? Or how, when he had to leave for the night it felt as though both those hearts were ripped away from him? Or how else could he have turned this goddamn sappy? Yep. That was the proof.

"Then that's all the two of you will ever need. She won't care if you two are rich or live in a cardboard box, or if she wasn't in your initial plans, or that she doesn't have a mom. As long as you love her and make her feel like it."

He nodded, and rested his lips on her soft scalp.

"Right, I Gotta get to another patient. Call'em back."

He stood up, this time taking his Prune along, and went to the corridor where the phone was. Making sure her head was safely cradled along with the rest of her small body on his left arm, he tucked the phone between the right shoulder and neck and dialed their shared place's number

Rick picked up "Yes?"

"I'm a dad" he said simply, and waited for his reaction. 

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I’ll post the picture separately in order to preserve my goddamn sanity cause Tumblr is being a pain in the arse!!!!!

How do you guys do it? Am I the only one who needs 5 bloody tries to post this things?

[friendelius-writes]

Through the Window |:| Tom Holland

Mob!Tom Holland x Reader

Summary: As Tom's new neighbor, [Y/N] didn't know that a look through his window costed them lots.

A/N: Low-key a bit creepy, but hey, I would be curious too. (This is my first official fanfic on this blog! Thank you so much for reading~)

Written by @friendelius-writes

Warnings: Guns, swearing, some violence, angst??

NOT MY GIF

It was a tough two months at [Y/N]'s new home as everything was, well, new. They were completely alone in this new, clean, neighborhood for the first time.

For a while, they didn't know what to do as they were used to hot dinners and nagging, but now, they've been stuck with frozen dinners and the sound of loneliness blasted across the house. Wanting to scratch that itch of going home diminished after meeting their next-door neighbor, Tom Holland.

During a cozy, summer morning while [Y/N] was setting their garden, he was the first person to introduce himself to them. The simple interraction made them feel welcomed and known in this unexplored territory. Now and then, if [Y/N] was outside at the same time as him, Tom would simply make small-talk with [Y/N] before being swallowed by his home.

However, something was tugging in [Y/N]'s mind about him. From generic observations, they have never seen anyone going in nor out of that house besides Tom. Most of his windows were crystal clear and displayed furniture in the room, but [Y/N] hasn't caught sight of that brown-haired male. [Y/N] assumed it was because he's busy, but the amount of time [Y/N] spent at home looking through his windows proved otherwise.

He seemed to be invisible for most of the day as [Y/N] seen no sight of him until those rare moments where he leaves his house and starts up his fancy car [Y/N] doesn't know the brand of. They've never seen Tom return, but he's leaving the house again in a few days. All his groceries were delivered to the back of his house and were always gone by morning. A gardener came once a week as well as someone from the cleaning department.

Once, on a warm, summer evening, with the darkening sky speckled with faint white, [Y/N] was slurping a smoothie as they gazed at the blaring television. The AC was blasting, and [Y/N] was snugged into a reclining chair. A commercial for the next big oven invention was dancing off the white walls, and the smooth hum of the microwave warming their T.V. dinner was the added touch.

Once the microwave chimed, a black van slowed right in front of Tom's house. While rising to grab her T.V. dinner, [Y/N] spectated the van through the kitchen window and observed two men dragging along another person towards the front door with another man dressed in a suit following behind. [Y/N] didn't catch a glimpse of the person, but [Y/N] immediately snatched their chicken nugget dinner and sat back down to watch it unfold. This could reveal more about him.

Bashes at the door alerted Tom, so, he swung the door open and, immediately, confusion jumped onto his face as he glanced between the well-dressed men.

"Why the hell are you here?" Tom demanded as he ushered the men inside in case any prying eyes were watching.

Once [Y/N] shut the television off, they maintain focus on the show unfolding before them as they finally see Tom Holland interact with human life. Unfortunately, they couldn't hear a thing, so they resorted in making up their own dialogue in their head, totally oblivious of the truth.

"We're sorry, mate," started one of the men, "but this little pipsqueak," he gestured to the cowering man, "was so fucking adamant about seeing you about his debt."

"You weren't picking up your goddamn phone, Tom," the other man added quickly with a sprinkle of irritation in his voice. Tom's jaw tensed and shoved his hands into his fluffed hair.

"Well, maybe, Sam, I fucking was purposefully ignoring to get a good night's sleep."

"It's, like, eight o'clock! Why are you fucking sleeping when you could be out having fun with the ladies?"

"Well, maybe, Harry, I'm tired," with a faint growl, Tom rubbed his face roughly, "how many times have I told you to not fucking appear at my fucking house when it's about work?! For all I know, someone could fucking be watching right now!" The twins rolled their eyes simultaneously, and Harry shoved the frighten man towards Tom.

"Just deal with him quickly, then," Harry spat. Tom ran his tongue against his bottom teeth, tightening his jaw. With arms wrapped around himself, he sighed of defeat and faced Harrison.

"I assume you have his file, Haz?" Harrison grinned as he whipped out the manila folder.

"Of course! Did you think I'd come empty-handed?" Tom seized the thin folder and opened it to glance at its contents. Once his eyes laid upon the man's history, Tom tutted and leisurely ambled towards the man who instantly found the pattern in the carpet more interesting.

"Oh, Chase Walker, what am I gonna do?" Tom slapped the folder shut and clutched Chase's chin to snap his head upwards.

"You are here because you wanted to see me, but as I clearly see in the database that you were supposed to return that 250 grand you borrowed from me," he released Chases's chin with a thrust and handed the folder back to Harrison, "the task was simple: get me that 250 grand by today." Chase's eyes wavered as he glanced at Tom and clasped his hands together after dropping onto his knees.

"Pl-Please, I beg you. I-I've only got a hun-hundred grand. I need more time! The re-recent tests on my wife are co-costly! Our insurance—"

"I don't care about your fucking problem!" As if on cue, Harrison handed him a piece of paper with scribbles at the bottom. Tom shoved the paper towards Chase's face.

"Do you not remember this? This was the damn contract you signed, indicating when you'll return the money." Chase shattered as his hot cheeks felt wet while feeling like he was being suffocated in a plastic bag, choking on his words.

"B-but I—"

"No 'but's," Tom tossed the contract to the side and eyed the twins, "take him upstairs to my office." The twins complied and hauled Chase up the carpeted steps.

"Where are they going?!" Exclaimed [Y/N] as they noticed they moved to somewhere else. Hurling their dish onto the table, they shot up and waited to see where they'll be by the windows. They caught sight of the five walking along the second floor through the wide window and then disappeared. For quite sometime, [Y/N] didn't notice them until they saw a barely noticeable Tom far from the window. Where Tom was, [Y/N]'s equivalent was standing in front of their bedroom window. Assessing the situation, their eyes widened and their hand rapidly covered their mouth that flung open at what was in Tom's hands.

"N-no! Wh-what are you doing?! Don't shoot me, I beg you," Chase crawled along the floor and gripped Tom's legs, wailing and pleading to let him live, "please! I'll do anything!" But Tom simply ignored him. He let Chase beg; he let Chase scratch his legs; he let Chase suffer knowing he's going to die.

"Harrison, throw me that silencer over there." Harrison tossed a slick, black, cylindrical silencer to Tom, and Tom caught it right before screwing it onto the front of his pistol. With Chase's cries slowing down, knowing it's not going to do anything, Tom kicked him off and aimed right between Chase's eyes. Once Chases's eyes started to water again, Tom pulled back the safety and pulled the trigger.

With a heavy sigh, he turned around and instantly noticed a figure right across at the neighboring house. His face hardened as [Y/N] realized he saw them. With fear bubbling inside them, they ran as far as they could to reach their phone downstairs. Tom swiveled to the men in the room, and pointed to the window.

"We've been spotted. Catch the person nextdoor, and bring them here!" Ordered Tom as the men sprinted out the door with no delay.

[Y/N] snatched their phone and dialled the police while running out the back door, hoping to get to their vehicle quickly.

"What's your emerg—" [Y/N]'s phone cracked against the ground as another tackled them. Harrison stomped onto [Y/N]'s phone as Sam forced them up while keeping a firm arm around their mouth to prevent loud noise.

[Y/N] whirled around in Sam's arms as Sam kept his stance and hauled [Y/N] towards Tom's house as quickly as possible. Inaudible sounds escaped [Y/N]'s mouth as their arms continuously pulled Sam's arm away from their mouth. Clearly, Sam was stronger than [Y/N], but they didn't give up anyway because anything was better than nothing.

[Y/N] was thrown onto the carpeted floor in the blood-splattered room and caught sight of the dead man lying against the chair. [Y/N] felt their stomach turn inside out and gagged at the image. They turned their head around to avoid it.

"Well, [Y/N]. How much did you see?" Tom's sickly soft voice penetrated [Y/N]'s brain that gave warnings that this guy just murdered a man in his own house. They looked up but refused to make eye contact with the murderer.

"Everything," [Y/N] announced with venom soaked in it. Tom threw his head back as a throaty laugh echoed in the soiled room.

"Pity. You've started to grow on me," informed Tom in a faux sweet tone. He took a few steps back and pointed the gun at their head.

"Sweet dreams."

And he pulled the trigger.

[nirah10]

Some Personal Stuff

Here's something that doesn't really connect to anything but me and may not be interesting but I just want to get it off my chest because it's been bugging me.

As some of you know, I was recently diagnosed as being on the autism spectrum. This had been a very big thing for me as it has finally answered some life-long questions and helped me better understand myself. My mum has been wonderfully supportive and my friends have been great in learning more about autism so that they can know me better and have actually asked about what kind of things bother me so that they could be more careful (which I never asked of them, but they're just awesome and care enough to put some effort in to helping me be comfortable ^_^). Really, almost the entire experience has been positive. I would actually say that one of the only issues I've had has been the way some of my siblings have reacted.

I have good relationships with all of my siblings and I think they're pretty cool people in general, but some of them have some really weird hang-ups from the way we were raised that they never really got past. We were raised with the very unfortunate (and vocal!) belief that mental health problems didn't really exist. We were told that things like despression didn't really exist and that people just needed to suck it up and get over it. We were told that people who practiced self-harm were just drama queens looking for attention (heaven forbid you ever want attention!). We were told that people who killed themselves were the most cowardly and selfish people in the world. I think you get the idea.

Thankfully, my mother has grown so much as a person and realized that not only are those ideas just plain wrong but they are also very harmful. She is now one of my strongest pillars of support and one of the very few people I feel truly comfortable speaking openly with about my mental health struggles. My siblings have all improved greatly, but some of them are still a little stuck on some of those old ideas. If you asked them, they would tell you without a doubt that depression is 100% real but, if you tell them that you or someone else has depression, there's a good chance that they'll become skeptical and start asking questions as if they're trying to prove you wrong. They might make comments about people self-diagnosing themselves or exaggerating or even just outright lying for the sake of attention. Quite often, they'll say things like "everyone feels like that sometimes" and completely play down someone's experience until they can dismiss it entirely.

Even before I got diagnosed, some of my siblings seemed to bristle at the mention of the possibility. When I said I was looking to be assessed, they all asked "Why?" Some of them were satisfied when I said "Because I think I might be autistic" and carried on the conversation normally or asked follow-up questions out of interest. However, some of them carried on the conversation with what felt like a determination to prove that my suspicions were invalid. They would ask lots of questions about my experiences but it quickly became clear that it wasn't in order to understand, because almost every answer was followed up with a "but" statement. "But everyone feels like that sometimes." "But lots of people would find that stressful." "But maybe you're looking too much into that." I even heard once "Do YOU think you're autistic or did Mum tell you that?" as some of my siblings seem to think my mother's change in attitude is also some weird kind of bid for attention. I was also asked by two different siblings, "Why do you WANT something to be wrong with you?"

My most common way of finishing those conversations, after hearing some version of why it's probably nothing and I'm probably not autistic (ie, "it's so easy to read about something online and think you have it"), was to bluntly say "I know. That's why I want to see a professional and get a proper assessment."

Anyway, I got assessed and diagnosed. I thought that might be enough to satisfy my skeptical siblings. Turns out, not really. While they won't say that they don't think I have autism anymore, they are still very quick to dismiss it. I had one sibling suggest that, because I'm on the mild end of the spectrum, "it doesn't really affect [me]". It wasn't a question but a statement. I have had several more shows of feigned interest for the sake of trying to minimalize or dismiss and it has been quite disheartening at times. With some of my family, I feel reluctant to ever say anything relating to mental health and especially autism because I'm tired of hearing thinly veiled denials that I'm actually autistic. Getting assessed/diagnosed was supposed to be about understanding and helping myself and not about whether or not my family was comfortable.

Not long ago, my Mum shared a video on Facebook that was meant to raise awareness on autism. It started with the speaker telling you to imagine trying to watch a TV show and listen to five radios on different stations all going full volume at the same time, and then explained that that's how life can feel to an autistic person all the time. The video carried on for some time after that and covered other experiences. I messaged my mother privately to discuss some of the things discussed in the video and I told her that I hadn't wanted to leave a comment because I didn't want other family members to see it and start leaving dismissive comments. After talking to her for some time, I decided that I would leave a very simple comment on what I felt was the easiest thing to understand, simply saying "The example of the TV and five radios is spot on." I kid you not, it took maybe two minutes for one of my siblings to respond with something along the lines of "Yeah, I get really stressed out when there's lots of noise too."

Part of me wanted to let it go and leave it be but, after talking to my Mum and seeing how much she had changed and how much work she put into beng supportive, I felt upset and got stubborn. I responded that anyone gets stressed out in loud environments, but that that was not the same thing. For an autistic person, sounds can be so distracting that it can become hard to function and lead to panic attacks, even if it's not loud. The answer was (paraphrasing) "I get that. If I'm driving and the radio is on and the kids are being noisy or screaming in the back, I can forget where I'm going. I have to turn the radio off sometimes so that I can focus." Okay, no. Just no. That's not the same thing at all. I quickly answered with a detailed explanation of why it's not the same thing, also emphasizing that there's a big difference between getting stressed by actual loud noises and having your brain completely shut down over sounds that might not even be loud. They quickly backpedaled and said that they knew it wasn't the same and that they were just saying it was relatable, a family member who had joined in said that they hadn't even watched the video and was only responding to the other's comments about finding noise stressful. That was followed up by another comment saying that maybe they hadn't communicated properly and they hadn't meant anything by it, which I felt much better about. I still didn't buy the idea that the inital comments had no intention of being dismissive, but I could believe that they realized partway through the conversation that they were being upsetting and wanted to fix it. Still, the conversation has stuck in my head as a very disheartening experience.

Sensory overload is one of my biggest difficulties with autism. I am very easily upset by sound and it doesn't take much for me to shut down. Volume is rarely a factor but, rather, the number of sources, whether I can distinguish one sound from another, and whether I can locate the source. I used to have panic attacks in school during tests because being able to hear twenty-some pencils scratching but not being able to distinguish between pencils sent me into a complete panic. Those pencils may as well have been cannons in my ears. They were the loudest things in the world.

Tonight, I sat down at the nursing station at work and immediately noticed a sound that I'm not accustomed to hearing there. It was quiet enough that I couldn't tell exactly what it was and, worse, I couldn't tell WHERE it was. I became so distracted by the sound that I completely, physically froze. I don't know exactly how long I sat there but, at the end of this little experience, my tea had gone from freshly made to just a hair above lukewarm. The entire time I sat there, half my brain was desperately trying to locate the sound and identify it and the other half of my brain was desperately begging the first half to ignore it and just let it go. My heart rate went up to what I would expect it to be if I had just run a short distance. A sense of panic gripped me, the same kind of feeling I had the first (and only) time a cop pulled me over. I literally could not think about anything else.

After several minutes, I finally managed to calm myself because, without having to move from my frozen position, I was able to both identify and locate the source of the sound. What was it?

Do you see it?

A watch. It was the sound of a watch ticking in a basket of found items sitting several feet away. That was all it took to put me into a state of shutdown and had me edging towards a state of panic. A watch that somebody found and left behind, leaving a barely audible but unexpected source of sound in an environment I am familiar with took me from independent and capable to frozen, vulnerable, and moments away from hyperventilating and bursting into tears.

But autism doesn't really affect me. But I barely register on the spectrum, so I don't really count. But everyone gets overwhelmed by noise sometimes. But everyone has trouble focusing in stressful situations.

Someone being on the mild end of the autism spectrum does not mean that they don't suffer or that they don't really have it. It means that they present well. It means that they're better able to control their outward reactions and/or better able to learn what's expected of them. Saying someone's autism is "mild" is a reflection of how much other people are affected by their autism rather than by how much the individual is affected. On the outside, I would have simply looked like I was deep in thought and anyone who walked past probably wouldn't have looked twice. On the inside, I was freaking the hell out. It definitely affected me, even if there were no observable manifestations in the outside world. I have avoided furthering my education or looking for a better job because of experiences like this. I have missed work, which later meant I struggled to pay my bills. I have lost friendships. I have passed up opportunities. I have never left the town I grew up in, even though every single member of my family has moved away. I will likely never have biological children because I don't think I can handle pregnancy. I don't know if I will have children period because the process of adoption might be too overwhelming for me. I am terrified of having children and failing them as a parent because my autism might cripple my communication with them or cause me to be too impatient or inflexible. I am not likely to achieve many of my aspirations because little moments like ticking watches in unexpected places happen all the time, even if nobody except me knows it.

I have "mild" autism and it affects me.