#sometimes you just need to follow where the fire Elmo of your heart leads you

[placetneplacet]

Let’s go wild toxic CHAOS!

[we-were-legends]

“Champion’s dawn”

Chapter 31 - “The fire in me”

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'Well, well, I guess I should be truly impressed.'

Oropher have not even blinked hearing so known voice. And yet veiled with clouds as it was long since he heard it last.

He turned to face the elf who approached him closer and he feeling mix, but undoubtedly hapiness dimmed those negative ones. Oropher felt undeniable joy that his older cousin was here before him, as Amdír was so away from him for all those centuries.

And Oropher loved Amdír – fond memories of their youth still made him smile and lone remembrance of how well they worked together, and how they used to face their oponents as one, was once a wishful future that it will always be like it was. When Oropher was but an elfling, Amdír was fast to take him with himself wherever he went, even if the safety of such escapade could be doubted. Partly, it was because of Amdír as for who Oropher grew up to be.

But Amdír was elusive. As if he trusted only himself, and as Celeborn said long time ago in Ossiriand, it was hard to guess what was on his mind. And Amdír was selfish. Although Oropher loved his older cousin and even adored him somehow, there was a doubt in his heart whether Amdír felt the same about him as he felt for him.

There was a smile on Amdír's lips, but it was not his usual mocking one or provocative which almost said for itself how lowly Amdír thought of his oponent. This time, his smile seemed to be honest and tough still a ghost of a known smirk was there, it had much more fondness in it.

'And I am.' Amdír said as he layed hand on Oropher's shoulder and brough him closer for an embrace. 'A general of an army. You must have heard it for hundreds of times, but I am proud of you.' then his eyes shone brighter with known strength. 'Those who doubted, all of them should have known better than renouncing their words as if they knew future.'

Oropher sighted a bit as he held Amdír back in brotherly embrace. Briefly, he remembered times when Amdír was always with them. All four of them were a pinnacle of the House of Elmo and pride of their fathers. They were an example to follow. All eyes watched the Royal House of Doriath looking was vision and bright future and they were this future. This was what their Elders always told them.

Galathil accepted responsibility that was passed on him with blood. His communication skills allowed him to gain many friends, allies and easied his work a lot. He was resourceful and dedicated to the work he was doing tough in the end his utmost priority became his family, something everyone around accepted and Galathil gave up much of his previous duties, delegating others to take care of them.

Celeborn was like his father Galadhon - like a battering ram he pushed through any difficulties, but he possessed much more traits of House Elmo than anyone could ever suspect. He got Galadhon's will, Erthor's dignity and Edwethon's confidence. Power came to him naturally and many followed him with no falter.

Oropher despised the cage they wanted to close him in. He ripped out his way to freedom everytime they wanted to contain him. Until Oropher realised there was no cage – it was no chain they wanted to put on him and bind to the wall nor they tempted him blank promises. Duty that he finally accepted, to his family and to the elves of Doriath, was a changing point in his life and it made him release that he must use his strength and will to guard those who trusted his family long ago in leading them.

Amdír never let anyone to guide him. He accepted no authority nor suggestions. He broke from any control and walked his own way. He listened to no one, he took for nothing duties he should feel responsible about. He prized his freedom more than his bright future either in the army or with marchwardens. He dwelled at the Western Tower in Brethil forest with a patch of free spirit and definately not someone to be trusted. Sometimes Amdír joined some patrols, sometimes he did other small jobs, but he was left be as he always wanted to, enjoying his time and doing what he wanted, binded by nothing.

Celeborn was always Oropher's voice of reason. Where Amdír,as his older cousin, failed to show him the right way, when he threw away the words of his Elders, it was Celeborn who stood steadfast against his daring nature.Celeborn never let Oropher intimidate him who in turn tried hard for his oldest cousin to let him be. Also, Celeborn never forced him to listen and obey, never growled at him to behave as he should and step by step Oropher started to listen to guidance of his oldest cousin. Celeborn always found the right way to reach out to him and truth be told, Celeborn was the first elf who Oropher started to follow.

Galathil spoke to him as a brother. It was always different with Galathil who was not as challenging as Amdír, neither too nervy. Galathil always brought up this softer side of him and Oropher never made his cousin cope with his sharper nature. He was undeniably the strongest of the two of them. It was not that Galathil was weak, but his softer spirit was no match to Oropher and it would have not been enough to stand against him if Oropher would have ever decided to make a stand. Which he never did and won't ever do.

Both Celeborn and Galathil were more like brothers to him. His father once told him that had it not be for them, Oropher would have had no future. Anywhere. Neither in the army nor in the court. Maybe Delgaran Egnassion would have taken him in to his Tower in the forest of Neldoreth, but this was doubtful. Although, Oropher had always good relations with his father, Erthor found it hard to guide his child without a need to grab him by snout as many advised him to. Erthor knew it won't have any effect and it will only worsen relations with his son. Celeborn and Galathil more or less conciously shaped Oropher's character, where Amdír coaxed him to sharpen his temper. Oropher's fierceness was even greater than Amdír's one who only boiled this fury watching it rise.

But Oropher will never forget that it was Amdír who showed him what freedom truly felt like. He smiled a bit and patted Amdír's back none too gently before they pulled away and held each other at arm's length.

'I only wish you could've been there when my Banner was rised for the first time.' Oropher said. 'It's good to see you, cousin.'

'I said my foot won't step into Menegroth again.' Amdír said. 'But even I change my mind sometimes.'

'Not to be thought about.' Oropher rolled his eyes and Amdír huffed, but then laughed a bit and embraced Oropher with arm leading him away.

'Leave your work for a bit and come with me.'

Some things never change. Amdír as always pulled him away from his duties.

Despite his long leave, Amdír still knew the fields well tough he was there only during his basic training. Unseen by anyone they scampered off sight and walked into old stable immediately climbing up to the attic and closing the way after themselves. Dust, dirt and remains of grains lingered in the air, but they cared not. Amdír sat down near the small opening that provided light and Oropher sat in front of his cousin.

'I admit, I remembered Menegroth as much more interesting place. I guess as a kid everything seems more curious.' Amdír said leaning on the wooden wall. 'I came here with my commander at the beginning of summer and they still can't talk things through. King's order still keeps the Tower in vigilance.' he snorted. 'Nonsense, if you ask me.'

'Our orders were taken down not long ago, but marchwardens are too close to the western border to order them to stand down.'

'Indeed.' Amdír muttered. 'Since those dark clouds appeared, we took down far too many wargs and yrch than I care to remember.' then he looked curiosly at Oropher. 'You rode West. What have you seen there?'

'You know well I can't say this to you.' Oropher said as he stared back at his cousin and Amdír grimaced a bit, but didn't press it further.

'From what I heard you were gone for a long time. Good you came back whole and safe.' Amdír said. 'Too bad you have not stopped by the Tower. I would have come with you.'

Oropher knew his cousin would have done that if only he asked him while he stopped by the Tower. Tough Amdír surely had his own orders there, it would have not stopped him from joining Oropher for this ride. And no one would have been surprised about Amdír abadoning his station, but his presence at the Tower was never taken for granted and he could be easily replaced.

Then he realized he should probably speak with Amdír about the matter he spoke about with his other cousins. He sighted that once more he had to bring this up.

'I know.' he said and Amdír turned his attention to him immediately. Just as he knew Amdír, his cousin knew him well in turn, despite the fact that they were away from each other for so long.

'What is it?' Amdír asked though it was not with the same concern as Galathil showed him before. Amdír was never all too mindful of others.

'Have you met with Celeborn and Galathil?' Oropher asked trying to prelong the moment when he will have to say what he had to.

'I didn't.' Amdír said. 'Why should I? They are busy with their work and Galathil has another matters at hand. He has his own family now, he don't have time for friends, cousins or even brother.'

Oropher fell silent and watched Amdír stretch out his arms, yawning. Amdír was good in right use of words and made elves doubt their thoughts and beliefs. He knew how to make his oponent weaker to strike in the right time.

'What of others? Have you seen my father, or uncle?' he asked further tough he knew the answer. 'Or your own parents?'

'Oropher.' Amdír laughed. 'I have not seen my cousins who could be considered as being the closest to me. Why should I bother to see anyone else?'

'I am sure they would like to see you.'

'My father.' Amdír said and his voice turned to sharp steel. 'Probably wish I was not his son.'

'You know it's not true.' Oropher said despite his anger still feeling in responsibility to defend his uncle and he matched his cousin in sharpness and they stared at each other. All of sudden they both probably remembered the last conversation they had before Amdír left, or rather clash when they stated what they wished with no falter. 'Your leave affected them both.'

'My father will live. My mother as well, tough she may take it harder.' Amdír said dismissively and waved his hand as if he wanted it to disappear and Oropher frowned.

'They are your parents and they love you. Your attidute only makes it worse.' he said and then he swallowed. He was so fast to say this words to Amdír and yet he should say those words to himself. He knew he moved too far during argument with his father, but he still could not bring himself to stand before his father and talk to him. He focused back on Amdír and his eyes his eyes darkened a bit. 'Tough if you had nothing kind to say it's probably for the better that you leave them alone.'

'There it is, a full-rise protector!' Amdír growled back as his golden eyes sharpened as well. 'They made a well shield out of you! I will sit back at watch as they turn you into a fodder for everyone to bite on!'

'I am not alone among them.' Oropher said, but it seemed as if he forced it. It sounded like fake. Right now he felt a bit alone and Amdír immediately sensed his hesitance.

'You don't believe in it yourself.' he said and Oropher remained quiet, but Amdír's eyes flashed. 'Come now, cousin. Once you knew better than listen to them. If not for Celeborn, you would have been like me.'

Amdír said it like this was the greatest blessing that could happen. But this was something Erthor tried to keep him away from for all his life.

'Menegroth is Celeborn's world. He is born to rule and others cling to his power. It comes naturally to him.' Amdír said. 'But we are followers to no one. We carve our own way.'

Oropher knew what Amdír tried to do. But despite all the anger he felt towards his family and his grudge, sorrow, even grief, he won't let himself be pulled away from them. His place was in Menegroth, he understood that long ago. He had duties not only to his House and people of Doriath, but he took responsibility for his soldiers – for his division. Should he leave and follow Amdír, what about them? What kind of leader abandons his own soldiers?

'I swore my alliegance to the King and people of Doriath. My place is here.' Oropher said and Amdír backed off, displeased.

'And yet you doubt them.' he said directing interest to other matter that made him curious before. 'You want to tell me something. But since you hesitate it cannot be something pleasant.'

'It's not, but as my cousin you should know.' Oropher said gathiring words to say it as shorlt and efficiently as it was possible. 'You know what my father always said about my mother. That she was lost.'

'As did many during the March.' he said and his eyes flahed once more with known mockery as if he foresaw that this saw not the truth and smirk also graced his lips. 'Are you that surprised that they have hidden something from you?'

Oropher frowned and his eyes narrowed and Amdír. It sounded as if he knew all along.

'You knew about this?' Oropher asked sharply, a moment before he will cross the line and lash out at Amdir who seemed aware of this and he frowned, stepping down with his taunt.

'I know that there are things they are hiding. But I don't know what you are referring to.' Amdír said as he eyed Oropher curiously. 'What is it, cousin?'

'My mother left to the West and lives there with her House.' Oropher said wanting to pass by the matter as fast as he could. 'She left me and my father behind.'

'I have no reason to not believe you.' Amdír said and then he shook his head. 'No one who leaves you behind deserves your love. She is no one to you.'

Oropher fell silent. This conversation with Amdír was so different than the one he had with his other cousins. Galathil's kind gestures and Arvellon's support brough warm to heart. And Celeborn as always took responsibilty to take care of them all. Amdír never cared too much to show a bit of assistance, tough he was capable of it and Oropher knew it.

He remembered when he was a small child Amdír brought him on his adventures – he helped him climb too high trees, they crossed the river together, Amdír held his hand to not loose him when they passed by tall grass. They used to sit high in the trees and Amdír held him on his laps showing stars and telling him some imaginary tales that never happened. Everytime he fell, everytime he couldn't do something Amdír always encouraged him to step above it – it was thanks to him that Oropher started to be so independant and was not afraid to try out things that seemed impossible. However, Amdír was not responsible keeper and Oropher remembered well his countless falls and times when he was lost in the forest when Amdír didn't pay enough attention to him. But back then he loved to spend time with his older cousin and Amdír had fondness for him as well.

'She was not alone when she left.'

'What?' Amdír frowned as he glanced at Oropher, but all he could see was that Oropher was being serious about what he said.

'I have a sister. And my mother took her away to the West.'

Amdír looked like he had to digest well what he just said. He thought for a moment, deep in his own thoughts, but then he got closer to Oropher and embraced him and Oropher in turn lied head on Amdír's arm. It was not that he felt most close with Amdír. He was not able to choose between Celeborn, Galathil and him, if anything Oropher was aware he could not bring up some matters to Amdír about which he could speak freely with Celeborn and Galathil. But among them Amdír was always somehow special.

'Cousin, I will repeat what I said. Are you surprised they hidden this from us? From you?' he said, but his voice didn't held any softness. He sighted then. 'You won't let me pull you away from them and I wish I managed to do so long ago. I see what they turned you into.'

Oropher closed his eyes. Amdír won't ever manage to bring him away from his family and if not from his family than from duty he had to Doriath. This purpose was what held him in place.

'Your dedication is inspiring, but it's fake.'

Oropher frowned as he opened his eyes. It gleamed with ever present flame. Amdír thought it dimmed out, but he was mistaken. It was reforged and put in good use, but it didn't loose it's strength.

He straightened up and pulled away from Amdír. He was trying to prove something as always, to draw him onto one of his games. Whatever he was planning Oropher will stay away from this. And even now Amdír couldn't hold himself and say some good word, show some comfort.

'You always have to be like this, don't you?' he said sharply as he pushed his couisn away. 'Every time I came to you with my sorrow you always turned it for your favour. Can't you just once show me a bit of kindness?'

Amdír stared at him, bewildered, his mouth was half-open and it was rare when Amdír didn't know what to say.

'Even now, after so long time since we saw each other you must draw me into one of your games!' Oropher continued without respite. He had enough of what Amdír said about their family, yet he was almost just the same.

For a moment Amdír seemed like he was long ago – still free with eyes always on the road ahead, but he cared to look back. He still cared to look back, hold his hand and lead him.

Then Amdír's molten eyes stinged like lave and he sharpened his stance. In what he turned into – he was no longer older cousin that Oropher remembered. Amdír tasted too much loneliness and freedom. He was too long away from home. Maybe it was Oropher's fault too that he didn't care to fight for his realtion with Amdír.

'If you wish kindness that you came to wrong elf.' Amdír said and Oropher shook his head at his cousin's words, swallowing heavily.

'You turned into a stranger to me.' he said. 'Do you even remember that you used to love me?'

'I still love you, Oropher. That's why I care to speak to you.' Amdír said back. 'But you are not who you once were.'

'I am who I am!' Oropher snapped at him loudly. Before he knew he was on his legs and stared down at his cousin, gathering known storm around him and winds that brought down armies. 'The fire in me burns fiercely, strong and endless! My spirit is not lost and there is no power to bind it to allegiance! Nothing will ever be strong enough to calm the raging storm in me! No one will ever cage me and rip out my burning heart!' his green eyes shone with wild tempest, bright and alive. 'If you think otherwise cousin, you will learn the hard way how wrong you are.'

Amdír smiled and there was something dreadful in it. Oropher snapped angrily as he realized that Amdír provoked him to this for reason known only to him.

'You don't have to prove anything more, cousin.' Amdír said and Oropher growled silently as he turned and left Amdír's side, knowing well that the older cousin he once had was now lost to him.

'Remember to trust only yourself! You are the only person that won't disappoint you!' Amdír called after him, but Oropher left the attic and pushed the wooden flap close powerfully.

Anger that clinged to him now coursed in his veins. Amdír was wrong. He had elves in life that won't disappoint him. He was not alone.

Oropher walked to his office where he hoped to find finished lists of his regiments weaponry and armor. He walked inside the cabinet where he almost bumped with Alagos. Before he could hold himself back he embraced his friend and held him close, a gesture that was immediately returned.

This fool Amdír. His family and their secrets. His father whom he loved deeply yet couldn't bring himself to forgive.

Alagos was his soldier and Oropher couldn't throw on him his own problems. That's how it was.

Oropher pulled away from his friend who watched him closely yet he was silent as if he though what he should ask about first.

'Are the report ready?' Oropher asked as he stepped away from Alagos who still watched him with keen eyes.

'All ready and prepared.' Alagos said and after a moment he approached Oropher who turned to look at him. Alagos run eyes all over his face and there was concern in his eyes. Caution as well, as if he was not sure if he could speak. But Alagos was always daring, in this they matched. 'I am a bit...worried about you.' he said and Oropher felt Alagos catching his hand and he did not resist. 'Are you sure everything is alright?'

Oropher knew what Alagos was referring to. And he knew well he could not speak with his friend about any of this.

'I just need to put few things in order.' Oropher said and then he realized the door to the office were still open and everyone who by chance would pass by will see them. Though there was no soul around, Oropher could not allow such situations between him and Alagos is public space, let alone in his office. He let go of Alagos's hand and turned his attention to reports lying on the desk. 'I need someone to speak with stable masters about new horses for our soldiers. Make sure they know that I don't wish any problems with them.'

'As you wish.' Alagos said and he turned to walk out of the room, but he stopped at the entrance to the office and looked back at his commander scanning him with clever eyes, but Oropher had not noticed it being turned from him. Then Alagos left, ready as always to perform thr order of his general.