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raspberryfingers · 3 years

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The Changing Room (Pt. 2 of The Exercise Room)

Warning: NSFW

Clarice was asleep. She was dreaming.

Not of the lambs.

Of him.

For the past month it's been her most recurring dream.

The line on the floor, the sound of his handcuffs and his moans. Her saliva, the lipstick on his stomach.

Good girl, Clarice.

She doesn’t know whether or not she likes the dream. It’s better than the lambs, but worse.

It’s torture.

She woke up, swallowing and turning over to see the time.

1:24 AM.

Groaning, Clarice laid back.

She hadn’t told anyone about what happened that day. She can’t, after all how could she?

‘Hey Mr. Crawford, so about Doctor Lecter, the thing is, I gave him a blowjob when I was supposed to be interviewing him! Yeah, that’ll go great,’ she thought to herself.

She hadn’t seen Hannibal since that day.

God she wanted to see him again.

But, there was no acceptable reason to, and it’s not like she was going to go up and ask Mr. Crawford to talk to him.

‘I could go as a private citizen. But I have nothing to ask him, no discussion topics, and I can’t allow myself to go in and seem like I just want his conversation.’

Clarice sighed, shaking her head. She should sleep, she had work tomorrow.

Plus, she could visit Hannibal in her dreams.

——

When Clarice arrived at work, everyone was gathered in the break room, watching the TV.

Clarice peaked in.

The announcement headline shocked her.

New doctor at Baltimore State Hospital embezzling funds.

‘Hannibal. Oh my god,’

She immediately felt nervous. What did this mean for him? Would he be moved somewhere else?

If the new directors had been so corrupt, had he been living in bad conditions?

Millions of thoughts ran through her head.

‘Who’s running the place now?’

“Barney Matthews, nurse at Baltimore State, is temporarily taking over until further notice.”

‘Oh thank god. I trust Barney.’

“Starling!”

Clarice turned back, along with a few other curious agents.

Crawford was standing there, arms crossed.

He motioned his finger for her to come.

“Yes Mr. Crawford?” She asked quietly, following him as he walked off.

“With all the crap happening at Baltimore State, I’d like to send an agent down to make sure everything is still handled properly. With Lecter there, we can’t afford any slip ups. I need to be able to give a press statement saying despite all this that he’s still being watched with due diligence,” he said, sighing and nodding at the other people they walked past.

“But sir, what if he’s not?” She voiced her concern out loud. They were in his office now.

“Then he gets moved somewhere that will give him the proper attention he needs. Hopefully it doesn’t come to that, because having him close by is helpful, but we’ll do what we have to. I’d like you to go up there as soon as you can. You’re familiar with the place and the people working there. Just ensure everything is being run properly,” he said, rubbing his eyes and grabbing his coffee from his desk.

“Yes sir, I can leave right now, if you’d like me to,” she offered.

“That would be best. Thanks, Starling,” he said, giving the best smile he could manage and sitting down in his chair, exhaustion evident on his face.

She nodded, leaving the room immediately.

Part of her was overjoyed, and yet also terrified.

Terrified she had to visit on these terms, but overjoyed she’d see Hannibal.

She speeded to Baltimore, thankfully avoiding a ticket.

When she pulled into the parking lot, dozens of reporters were trying to get in.

‘Fucking Tattler,’ she thought, walking towards the entrance. They seemed to notice her after a moment.

“Is that Clarice Starling?”

“Miss Starling!”

“Agent Starling!”

“Are you here for Lecter?”

“Miss Starling, what's going to happen to Hannibal?”

She pushed past them all, flashing her credentials to the security at the door, she was let in.

It was surprisingly calm. Everyone seemed to just carry on as usual.

Clarice made her way to Dr. Chilton’s old office, finding Barney inside.

“Hey, Barney.”

“Agent Starling! I’m surprised to see you. Did you call? Are you supposed to meet with Doctor Lecter?” He asked, frantically looking through some files.

“No! No, not at all. I’m sorry I shoulda called. I uh, well Mr. Crawford sent me to check in on things. He just wants to make sure Doctor Lecter is still being handled properly,” she said, smiling to try and ease Barney’s nerves.

“Oh I see. I’m happy to show you down there, I just need a moment. I barely got promoted this morning walking into work. Everyone was a bit nervous at first, I think after we sorted it out we all just went on as we would,” he said, sighing and laughing slightly.

Clarice nodded.

“How did they come to the decision of you?”

“I don’t think anybody else wants to be in charge of Doctor Lecter.”

They shared a laugh, walking downstairs to the dungeon.

“I put the orderlies I trust most in charge of watching the cameras, they’re diligent folks. Wouldn’t have put half wits in charge of caring for him. They know to be respectful,” he explained to her, briefly waving and opening the gates.

“Would you like to see him?” He asked after a moment.

Clarice tried to hold herself together.

“Y-Yeah, sure, I’d appreciate that. Just to make sure everything’s in place, you know?” She said a bit nervously, smiling to play it off.

Barney smiled knowingly.

“You got it, Clarice.”

She watched the gate close and started walking down.

Hannibal was lost in thought, but upon hearing a familiar sound, he was instantly brought back to the present.

‘Clarice?’

His nostrils went wide.

He had to be sure.

Hannibal sat up on his cot, standing and approaching the glass.

He looked out, and the beautiful brunette approached him.

“Good morning, Doctor Lecter.”

“Good morning, Clarice.”

His voice was calm, but he felt anything but. He was overjoyed to see her again.

She felt exactly the same.

He eyed her up and down. She was in a nice pair of pants and a turtleneck. She looked lovely.

“You look beautiful today, Clarice,” he complimented, folding his hands behind his back.

She felt her cheeks flush.

“Thank you, Doctor.”

“What brings you here this time? Did I unknowingly commit another murder?” He joked, grinning at her.

She held back the urge to smile.

“It’s about the director, or the ex director I should say. I’m sure you’ve heard,” she said, smoothing her pants and sitting down.

Hannibal sat too.

“Ah yes. Not the most organized young man,” he said, crossing his legs.

“I feel compelled to ask, did he harm you at all?” She said, overwhelming concern flooding her eyes.

“No. No, this one did not. His embezzling thankfully has not affected me. Meals remain just as distasteful as before. I am hoping Barney will change that during his temporary reign,” he informed, which made Clarice smile.

Only Doctor Lecter could complain about food after the hospital director had embezzled it’s funds.

“Do you think Barney’s capable?”

“Is that why you’re here, truly, Special Agent Starling? To ask my opinions on such topics?”

She sighed.

“Jack Crawford sent me to make sure everything was under control and you were still being watched sufficiently,” she said, avoiding his gaze.

“I see. He wanted to make sure the dog stayed in it’s cage even when the owner wasn't home.”

Clarice let him see a flash of sympathy, and then she composed herself.

“But it gave me an excuse to see you,” she said, almost too eagerly. Hannibal decided not to tease her for it.

Instead he smiled.

“We’ll get to that in a moment, Clarice. First, tell me, if you felt I wasn't being watched sufficiently, what would you have done?”

Clarice thought about it for a moment.

“I don’t know,” she admitted.

“You wouldn’t have told Jack Crawford? Not even at the risk of me escaping? How fascinating, Clarice. You are truly unpredictable,” he decided.

“It’s not like that. If… you weren’t being watched properly you were gonna get sent to a different hospital or prison. I guess I didn’t want that,” she said, looking at her hands.

Hannibal went silent for a moment. He hadn’t realized that. Of course it made sense. They couldn’t risk him escaping.

“I see. I admit, I don’t want that either, Clarice,” he said, his gaze softening. If he was moved he’d never see her again, and it was likely with the absence of Barney, his treatment would be much worse.

“To answer your question from earlier, yes, I do believe Barney to be capable. Much more so than his predecessors,” he noted.

“I got that feeling too.”

They both paused for a moment, all kinds of tension hanging in the air.

“Are we going to discuss our previous relations, Special Agent Starling?”

“It would be wrong to.”

“But I know you’d like to. Tell me, Clarice, do you think about it often?”

She sighed, looking away for a moment.

“I dream about it every single night.”

“Do I make you horny, Clarice? Be a good girl and answer honestly.”

Her face went bright red at the mentioned nickname.

She looked down the hall, biting her lip before looking back at him.

“Y-Yes..” she whispered softly.

His heart skipped several beats.

“I must admit, Clarice, my hand is a poor substitute for you,” he replied, smiling at her.

“We shouldn’t discuss it, Doctor,” she said.

“Mm, no, probably not, but we will.”

She prepared herself for what was coming.

“I can admit, Clarice, you have plagued my dreams as well. And naturally, you have also plagued my reality along with it,” he said, stepping forward and pressing his hand to the glass.

Slowly, she did the same.

“Hannibal…” she whispered softly.

He smiled at her.

“Truly a shame you don’t visit more often, Clarice. I’d love to see you,” he said, staring into her eyes.

“Jack Crawford never has any reason to send me up here. I wish I could see you every day. Talking to you is nice,” she sighed, dropping her hand.

“Tell Barney you need to come back for a follow up. Come back next Monday at 3:00-4:00, those are my exercise hours,” he instructed.

“I will. I will,” she said, swallowing.

“Please do, Clarice. My existence is so utterly boring and lonely without you. Perhaps If we’d never met, being in here wouldn’t be such a punishment. It is truly hard knowing you are outside of my reach,” he said, eyes as sad as she’d ever seen them.

“If only you’d made different choices,” she said, leaving it up to his interpretation.

“If I’d made different choices we wouldn’t be talking right now,” he shot back.

She supposed he was right.

She saw the time on her watch.

“I’ll be back next Monday, Doctor Lecter,” she said.

“Back to Doctor Lecter, am I?”

“Calling you by your first name is hardly professional.”

“Oh? And performing fellatio was?”

Her face went red.

“I’m not discussing this further.”

“Very well, Special Agent Starling.”

“I’ll see you next week, Doctor.”

She made her way down the hall, but stopped at the sound of his voice.

“Clarice!”

She turned, holding his gaze.

Smirking, he winked at her.

“When you visit on Monday, wear a skirt.”

——

“Mr. Crawford, respectfully, Mr. Matthews is qualified.”

“He’s not even a real Doctor, Clarice.”

“Neither was Dr. Chilton, sir. His credentials were fake.”

Jack Crawford signed, rubbing his head and sitting on his desk.

Clarice had just reported back, and she was desperate to prove her case.

“You really think he’s capable of running the place?”

“Based on what I saw today, yes I do. I mean, we’ll see how things are in a week, but I feel pretty confident in his abilities, sir.”

Crawford nodded.

“I trust your judgment, Starling. What time are you going on Monday?”

“3:00, sir.”

“Alright. Sounds good.”

——

Clarice smoothed out her skirt.

Her legs were close to shaking.

She couldn’t help but wonder what Hannibal had planned.

A packet of condoms sat in her purse, just to be on the safe side. Though, If push came to shove, she wasn’t sure she’d want to use a condom anyways.

She was already on the pill as it was.

Clarice stepped into the building. Barney was talking to the desk lady, laughing and nodding his head.

He turned at the sound of the door opening.

“Agent Starling! Glad to see you,” he said, shaking her hand.

“Glad to see you too, Barney. You’ll walk me through again and then I’ll speak with Doctor Lecter?” She asked, smiling.

“Of course, come on.”

It took them about 15 minutes to walk the whole hospital through, and Clarice was more than happy with what she saw. Patients looked genuinely happy.

“You’re doing a good job, Barney. It’s nice to see these folks happy for a change,” she said as they walked towards the dungeon.

“I like helping them, what can I say?”

They made their way down, and Barney motioned for her to wait a second.

He talked with the orderlies for a second.

“Clarice, I’m so sorry, they just took Doctor Lecter for a shower. I knew you were coming, shoulda told them to take him in earlier, but it slipped my mind. He just got in about 10 or 15 ago, so it’ll be around 20 minutes, I hope you don’t mind,” he apologized.

Clarice nodded, secretly disappointed she wouldn’t be meeting him in the exercise room after all.

“That’s quite alright. I don’t mind waiting,” she said, giving her best smile.

“Alright, come on, we’ll go head over. You can wait outside the changing room. I’ll be back in 20. I usually bring him out myself when I’ve got the time. Everyone else gets too afraid but it’s easiest to just put his mask on and cuff him,” Barney explained, laughing softly.

Clarice nodded, sitting down.

Barney handed her a walkie-talkie.

“Trust you know how to use these. Should anything come up just press the button,” he said, smiling.

“Thanks, Barney. I’ll be waiting.”

He nodded and walked off.

She sighed.

So much for the nice panties she’d put on after her shower this morning.

Suddenly, the door to the changing room opened.

She jumped.

But it only took a few seconds for her eyes to discover something quite pleasant.

Hannibal Lecter stood there, toned, wet, and dripping as he held a towel over his crotch.

“Ah, Clarice. You’re not quite the person I was looking for, but I’m happy to see you,” he winked at her.

She averted her gaze, not wanting to look out of respect. Hannibal made no further efforts to cover himself.

“B-Barney said you’d be another 20,” she stuttered, clearing her throat. Her face was burning.

“Ah, I see. Yes, usually I take longer. I knew you were coming so naturally I was a bit quicker than usual,” he noted, running a hand through his hair to slick it back.

Clarice liked it all messy and wet, she noted.

“Uh, what do you even do in there for 30 minutes? That’s how long I take and you don’t have nearly as much hair as I do,” she said, looking at the ground.

“When you’re in a filthy cell all the time, soaking in the water for unnecessarily long feels quite nice,” he said, scanning her.

She’d worn a skirt.

“Can you- Can you go change or something? This is very distracting when I’m trying to talk to you,” she said, her eyes involuntarily looking at his body again. He did not move, but he tied the towel around his waist.

“Yes, or something. You wore a skirt, Special Agent Starling, and Barney won’t be back for another 20 minutes. We could have some fun,” he said, grinning at her.

‘Don’t do this, it’s wrong. Have some self respect, Starling.’

Her eyes flicked back to his form.

‘God, he’s built like a fucking god. Imagine the sheer power- no, don’t go there. But his dick is fucking huge… nobody has to know.’

She stood, leaving her purse on the chair.

Slowly, she approached his figure in the doorway.

“We have to be quick..” she mumbled.

He grinned.

The door to the changing room was shut in an instant, and she was pressed against it.

“What do you want, Special Agent Starling?” He teased, his eyes scanning her face. Fire burned in his eyes.

His hands met her hips and she felt like melting.

“You.. I want you, Hannibal,” she whispered.

His head moved to her neck, his breath against her.

This was the first time she’d been with him completely unprotected. Adrenaline shot through her. She realized she didn’t care.

“Mmm, and what do you want me to do, Clarice? There’s quite a lot of options,” he said, licking her neck.

She let out the slightest noise.

“Fuck me.. I need you to fuck me.”

She let it slip from her mouth, arousal hitting her full force. She needed to have him.

“Only if you say please, Clarice. Be a good girl and use your manners.”

He began sucking at her neck, and It sent shivers so intense up her spine that she was forced to grip his bare shoulders.

“Please, please. Please fuck me, Hannibal,” she whispered.

He smirked, content.

“Good girl.”

His hands eagerly went to slipping off her jacket. He continued to undo her shirt as he pressed against her.

“Normally, Clarice, I’d let you keep your clothes on. However, I feel we’re going to need a bit more freedom than your outfit today has allowed,” he said, licking her collarbone as her shirt came off.

Her lace bra caught his eyes.

“Or perhaps you were prepared to be undressed anyways.”

She blushed, and he picked her up.

The changing room had wooden benches, which Clarice guessed were about to come in handy.

Ever the germaphobe, though perhaps not uncalled for in this situation, Hannibal grabbed an extra towel from the shelf, laying it down as he held Clarice entirely with one arm.

His raw strength turned her on even more.

He placed her on the towel, unzipping her skirt and pulling down her stockings.

“May I?” He asked, always one for explicit consent.

“Yes,” she said, breathless.

He smiled, removing her skirt.

She was only left in her underwear, as her shoes had been tossed off somewhere in the process.

Hannibal seemed to be in a trance as he looked at her, nearly naked and sitting before him.

“You are beautiful, Clarice.”

She blushed, her lips parting. She was unable to speak, too overwhelmed.

He reached for her bra, undoing it and sighing in pleasure, kneeling before her and letting his hands cup them, his fingers playing with her nipples.

She bit her lip, the feeling of his rough, warm hands clouding every thought.

He lowered his head, taking a nipple in his mouth.

She gasped, her hands in his damp hair.

“Hannibal…” she whispered in pleasure.

He stood again, smiling.

She did not hesitate to reach for his towel.

He stood before her, fully naked and hard as she’d ever seen him.

Her heart pounded in her chest.

Clarice was in shock.

He smirked, feeling her eyes.

“Admiring, Clarice? Don’t be shy. It’s not a museum, touching is allowed too,” he flirted.

She smiled, looking up at him as she reached for his penis.

She wrapped her hands around his hard length, rubbing slowly. He groaned softly, leaning down and removing her underwear. They were both completely naked.

“As much as I enjoy this, Clarice. We only have so much time before Barney returns, and I believe it’s my turn to give sexual favors,” he said, looking into her eyes.

She flushed red.

“Let me ride you.”

Now this was interesting. Clarice wanted to be the dominant one. Perhaps a reflection of how helpless she felt at work.

Hannibal would bring this up again some other time.

“As you wish, Clarice.”

She stood from the bench, having him sit.

He moved to the edge of the seat, fixing the towel beneath him so her knees wouldn’t be uncomfortable.

She stood before him, a beautiful goddess, and in that moment he felt he owed Jack Crawford a letter of thanks.

He lowered his back, opening himself to her.

She swallowed, moving to straddle him. She fixed his knees, and lifted herself up. His hands went to her hips, and he placed kisses on her stomach. She could feel the nervous yet excited heat building in her.

She reached underneath, holding him as she lowered her hips.

As Clarice felt his tip at her entrance, she made a sharp inhale.

Slowly, she began lowering herself onto him.

They both gasped and moaned, and Clarice winced at the pain.

He was too big.

She raised a bit, and then lowered, trying to adjust to his size. He understood this, patiently fondling her thighs.

“Hannibal…” she moaned, finally lowering herself completely. His breath caught in his throat. The feeling of her warm, wet insides was driving him further and further to insanity.

“Clarice… you feel so good,” he groaned, bucking his hips slightly. She smiled, rolling her hips slowly, bouncing just the slightest bit. He moved his hands to her breasts, overwhelmed.

She bounced a bit faster, encouraged by his moans.

“Hannibal.. oh fuck you’re huge,” she gasped, holding his shoulders for support. He kissed her neck, utterly obsessed with her.

“Clarice..” he moaned, his hands on her hips, guiding her and assisting her.

She growled slightly, her hands in his hair.

She was almost aggressive now, riding him with full power and strength.

“So this is how you manage your anger,” he gasped, overwhelmed as she tugged his hair slightly.

“Fuck… shut up, Doctor Lecter,” she mumbled, crying out as he hit her g-spot. He chuckled.

Hannibal then thrust upwards, breathing heavily.

“Clarice, lean back, grab my thighs,” he suggested, licking his lips.

She did as he said, holding onto his legs.

This new angle filled her with even more pleasure, and she gasped as she felt his thumb rubbing her clit.

“Hannibal!” She moaned, throwing her head back.

They were both erupting with groans and sounds.

“Such a good girl, Clarice. Good girl,” he whispered, letting his free hand sensually slide up her stomach.

She whimpered, feeling pressure build up inside her.

“Fuck.. Hannibal I’m close,” she said, gasping out for air.

He growled in response, thrusting his hips upwards just a bit harder. She cried out.

“C-Choke me..” she commanded.

If he wasn’t so incredibly turned on and in so much pleasure, he would’ve laughed. In the moment all he could do was comply. Later on, alone in his cell as he revisited the whole exchange, he’d smile and remember to ask her about it the next time she came by.

“Clarice…” he hissed, his hand moving to her neck. She moaned loudly, feeling the power of his hand against her throat. She was on top of him and yet they both dominated each other equally, their sexual energy balancing each other out like a perfectly made scale.

Hannibal felt pressure building too. He tensed up, desperate to hold himself back.

Clarice had to finish first.

“Hannibal… Hannibal oh god I’m so close,” she cried out, moaning again.

“Come for me, Clarice. Be a good girl,” he hissed in her ear.

His words set her off, and her whole body shook as he continued to thrust. Clarice cried out, and her toes curled and she gripped his thighs for dear life, every muscle tensing like they never had before.

“Hannibal..! Oh my god…”

Her vaginal walls pulsing around him and the look on her face as she orgasmed was enough to make Hannibal finish.

He filled her warm insides with his cum, breathing heavily as his thrusts slowed.

The pair collapsed into each other, both trying to catch their breath.

“I love you.. I love you, Hannibal,” she whispered, not completely realizing what had slipped from her mouth until a moment later. She did not regret saying it.

His heart pounded inside his chest, even more than it already was.

“I.. adore you, Clarice. I love you with my entire being,” he said, kissing her.

She immediately kissed back, content.

Hannibal had been right. Nobody had fucked her properly until now.

——

Barney returned to the hallway outside the changing room.

When Clarice was gone, he assumed she’d gone off to use the bathroom.

But her purse was still on the seat, and he didn’t hear the shower running.

He heard some noise from behind the door, and smiled to himself.

Maybe Doctor Lecter needed a few more minutes in the shower.

#anthony hopkins #clannibal #clarice starling #hannibal lecter #the silence of the lambs #hannibal #sotl #hannibal x clarice #silence of the lambs #fanfic writing #fanfiction #thomas harris

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juuls · 4 years

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Juulna’s ‘Hold Onto Your Sanity’ Fic, Book, and Music Recs for the 2020 Dumpster Fire... Part 3!

So you just crash-landed behind enemy lines in a war you know barely anything about except that your role seems infinitesimal and insignificant, and dumped into a year, 2020, that already seems fifteen years too long.

Before you drown your sorrows in some fantastic scotch or wine coolers for days (or weeks)… I have a proposal.

That you step back from the flames, tune things out for a bit, and try to forget about the outside world for a while (but don’t forget to vote or I will be very sad at you!).

These fics are meant to take you out of your head (I’m including more plot/story-minded fics than PWP) for the next few weeks or months as the world goes to hell (even more) but of course there are some bits of solid angst in these as there is wont to be in many a fic. Check the tags, read responsibly, don’t like-don’t read, ship and let ship, and please do leave a kudos and maybe even a comment! :)

This is PART THREE.

Check out here for Part One and most of the Marvel fic recs, along with a selection of book recs too. :)

And here’s Part Two, which has the bulk of my Star Wars and Game of Thrones recs, along with Spotify playlists!

Part Three is this one here, all about the Potterverse.

(Not yet complete) Here’s Part Four, filled with even more shippy goodness from all over the Star Trek universe. So. Many. Ships. :D

(Not yet complete) Part Five is Witcher, Man From UNCLE, Stargate: Atlantis and SG-1, Sherlock, Hannibal, and Doctor Who.

(Not yet complete) Part Six will probably be all for my newfound love of Supergirl, along with some Game of Thrones and Marvel ships I skipped, because I gotta stop somewhere with all these recommendations or I’ll be at it forever. Seriously, how much of this stuff have I read!?

But I think we all need some distractions from the world these days, eh? Or something to console us other than internet rage and a barrel of ice cream and/or hard alcohol.

Potterverse

I’ve chosen to pick fics (mostly) off of AO3 for their easy reading access, though HP fics’ golden years were on sites like fanfiction.net and other independent archives like Sycophanthex and others which have closed their doors over the years, sadly. Some of these fics date back to almost 20 years old, or more, amazingly!

For fics on fanfiction.net, I highly recommend using this link (FicSave) to epub/mobi converter rather than dealing with the frustrating app. It functions like AO3′s built-in download button.

SSHG/Sevmione

Rec assistance by @perrydowning

Second Life by Lariope

Phantom of Hogwarts by Good_Witch

Romancing the War by Pubella

The Poison Garden by turtle_wexler @turtlewexlerwrites

A Light in the Fog by turtle_wexler

Pride of Time by AnubisAnkh

The Savage by MagdatheMagpie

Snape’s Story by Tbird1965

Recognition by jezzie (krith)

Tedium of Time by oneredshoe

Tango by Desert_Sea

Sense and Insensibility by Desert_Sea

Time Mutable Immutable by Grooot

The Twenty by Leyna Rountree

For the Only Hope by ausland @run-with-me-to-the-sea

Bundle of Joy by LadyTuesday

Our Hands Tied by multilingualism

Choose Something Like A Star by TeddyRadiator

Mistress of the Stacks by Ms_Anthrop

A Derailed Train of Thought by Ms_Anthrop

Antiquities by stormcorona

Watch Over Me by @snapeslittleblackbuttons

Dropped Down into the Unknown by @q-drew

Delicate Transitions by @morbidmuch

Lay Me Low by TeddyRadiator

The Savage by MagdatheMagpie

Another Dream by @dragoon811

A Chance For Happiness by @corvusdraconis

Breath of the Nundu by corvusdraconis, Dragon_and_the_Rose

Just to Be by Amarti @amarti-writes-stuff

Hinge of Fate by Ramos

Forged in Flames by @mswhich

Days in the Sun by bluespring864

Making sure the boy who lived, actually does by Hold_en @hold-enwrites

The Problem With Purity by Phoenix.Writing

One Step Forward, Two Decades Back by corvusdraconis

The Headmaster’s Wife by Mrs_HH @propertyofseverustsnape

The Master, the Warden, the Headmaster, and the Deputy by mak5258

Cloak of Courage by Wendynat

Hermione Granger and the Intended Vessels by ShawnaCanon

Augury and Ardor by SnapeySnax

Before the Dawn by snarkyroxy

The Love You Take by Subversa

His Draught of Delicate Poison by Subversa

and sooooo many more if you want them just ask, this is both mine and Perry’s oldest ship lol

Gramander (Original Graves x Newt)

A Gilded Cage is Still a Cage by Anonymous

take a deep breath (and let it go) by lincesque @tumbloncat

Roar by @elenothar

Matchmaker, Matchmaker by @prosodiical

Dearly Beloved by prosodiical

Basic Instincts by @manic-intent

Promised by Miss_Lv

Plan G by Aate

Heat of the Chase by argentoswan @wannahearaboutmycats

Newt Scamander’s Guide to Getting Things Done by arthureameslove

Against all Odds by Maril

Where I Belong by Mishafied

He Wants To Say, “I Love You, Nothing Can Hurt You” by @obsidionwingsofmidnight

Arranged by Miss_Lv

death of a bachelor by gudetama (elementary)

The Graves Identity by Mishafied

you make me feel this way somehow by gudetama (elementary)

The Nature of the Beast by AntiGravitas @absolutelynogravitaswhatsoever

The Knights, the Newt, and the Rose by @yinyangswings

The Wizard’s Cat by @natecchi

The Color of Boom by gypsiangel

Signalling Theory: Blue Coat by @obaewankenope

Flame by @esamastation

And The Tag Read Simply: “Pretty” by @funkzpiel

Aren’t You Gonna Arrest Me, Officer? by JoyBurd

a little bit lost by shortbread @shortbread-fanfiction

Dramione

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Seven Times by kerri240879

Her Beauty and the Moonlight by BrilliantLady

The Fallout by everythursday (orphaned and only available on AO3 now, but complete)

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Turncoat by elizaye @imnotleavinherewithoutyou

The Virgin Conundrum by AkashaTheKitty @akashathekitty

Bad Faith by Morrighan256

Isolation by bexchan @bex-chan-blog

The Serpent, the Witch, and the Broom Closet by bitchywitchy

Silencio by AkashaTheKitty

All You Want by senlinyu @senlinyu

Static by galfoy @heymanticore

What the Room Requires by Alydia Rackham

And We All Fall Down by @rumaan

Ambition’s End by Hanako A

Wait and Hope by mightbewriting @mightbewriting

Rewriting Destiny by mayawrites95 (mayarox95)

Chronos Historia by In_Dreams @indreamsink

A Muggle-born Magic by Musyc @willhavetheirtrinkets

Hunted by Bex-chan

A Second Look by @riverwriter

The Nietzsche Classes by Beringae

This Too, Is Sacred by HeartOfAspen

Bite First, Ask Questions Later by Daredevilsinthedetails, Kaylessi

Nocturnus by In_Dreams @indreamsink

Broken by @inadaze22

The Green Girl by Colubrina

Lady of the Lake by Colubrina

Rebuilding by Colubrina (really just anything written by @colubrina)

Presque Toujours Pur by @shayalonnie

Can’t Change the Way I Am by @nauticalparamour

Law and Marriage by DragonGrin (formerly TeenTypist)

The Tower Window by @xodramaqueenox

Unexpected by Emara88

Something Old, Something New by Kate Dessi

Suppressed Emotions by hopelesslydevoted.xx

Silver Blood by @freyaishtar

When the Day Met the Night by @bex-la-get

Harmony

A Marauder’s Plan by CatsAreCool (Rachel500)

A Step to the Right by CatsAreCool (Rachel500)

Eighth by lorien829

The Catalyst by lorien829

Harry Potter and the Isle of Mists by lorien829

Knife’s Edge by Celtic55

The Black Book by mosteveryonesmad

Awakening by SweetShireen

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Dispelling the Silence by Indygodusk

One Year Later: Return to Hogwarts by Twilight’s Inferno

DraHarmony

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The Invitation by hot_elf @hot-elf

Love Love Love by MissELY @misselylux

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East of Eden by msmerlin @ms-merlinblack

Turn Back Time by Dazeventura6

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The Soul of the Wolves by LR_Earl @fanficbylrearl

Running From Lions by tryslora @tryslora

An Unexpected Family by ladyroxanne21

The Prophecies by jamcreynolds

Drarhinny

Reconstruction by @aldersprig

Fell From the Sky by BrandonStrayne @brandonstrayne (I really love this one, and not just as a Canadian.)

Demons From the Past by pottermum

Drarry

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Rarely Pure and Never Simple by birdsofshore

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Lost Among and Falling by @bafflinghaze

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Sentinel ‘verse series by elyssblair @elyssblair-blog

Date Blindness by dysonrules

Starts With a Spin by Maxine @serasarahhhh

Temptation on the Warfront by alizarincrimson

Paradigm by dysonrules

Here’s The Pencil, Make It Happen by ignatiustrout

Draco Sodding Malfoy by Shewhxmustnxtbenamed @shewhomustnotbenamed

Pieces of What by Jadwiga

Found, Not Lost by inspiration_assaulted

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Dirty Little Secret by Writcraft @writcraft

19 Years by shilo1364 @whimsicaldragonette

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Reus Una by purplepen76

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Ginmione

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Cissamione

(This seems like it’s a bit cracky, but there’s some good ones, I promise! I sorta stumbled ass-backwards into this ship but really enjoy some of them.)

One Step Left by Cysteine @cysteine

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Blinding Light by @16-pennies

Somebody Loved by beforeyouspeak

...

There. This is much better, isn’t it?

So my challenge to you, if your world is falling, burning down around you in flames... is this:

...if you feel yourself getting anxious or depressed, whether from the news or being cooped up in isolation or bored or on the verge of tearing your hair out or jumping off that roof or grabbing something to go after the dictator-of-the-week.... pause, take a breath, open up this rec list, close your eyes and pick something, and let chance take you somewhere hopefully far away. Let yourself be transported.

Oh, and don’t click on this Google Drive link. Really, there’s not 30+ GB of data on that Drive I’m sharing. Shame. There totally aren’t tens of thousands of books, as many audiobooks as could fit, and a large collection of fanfiction downloaded from AO3 in there. (Also, not all fics have been shared to that folder yet; I’m working on it a little at a time as I download more.)

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asagimeta · 6 years

Text

In Defense Of Seto Kaiba..... From Someone Who Used To Hate Seto Kaiba

@youfancymemaddearie said she'd hear me out on why Kaiba isn't The Actual Worst, so for this I'm mostly only going to be using the material I'm personally familiar with because things like context and translations and stuff could get warped otherwise, wich means roughly the first half of the dubbed anime, but I might pull other things here and there that I feel like I know well enough to have a grasp on via things like wikipedia and other meta (it's a long story as to why I never finished the anime so I won't bother getting into it here)

The manga, being a separate canon, is going to be pretty much ignored for this, except for one breif instance where I feel it's necessary to compare something from it to how the anime did it

So, the thing is, for most of my life as a YGO fan (15+ years as of 2018), I bordered between a really weird love and hate of Seto Kaiba, I loved him the way that I love a good villain, the way I love Hannibal Lecter let's say, he's entertaining and I always liked having him on the screen but as a person I really hated him, because.. why wouldn't I? He's an absolute dick to everyone around him with the exception of Mokuba, and even Mokuba doesn't exactly get the cuddly treatment most of the time, he spends the beginning of the series toeing the line between outright villain and anti-hero, and the amount of low-blows he hits and lack of care he has for people who are trying to help him- or people in general- is pretty terrible, atleast... that's how he's presented on the surface and that's how I felt for close to fifteen years

And then I started writing him and the little bastard forced me to change my opinion

Firstly, it's established from the beginning that Seto's actions in stealing Grandpa Muto's card and tearing it up (not to mention giving him a heartattack) aren't entirely his own, Seto had an evil possessing him at the time that, wile manifested from his own feelings, was no less a different entity, it took him over, just like Marik's dark self took him over, it's well-established in YGO that you can be so overcome with pain and anger and negativity that an entirely different spirit manifests and takes over your mind, a process that- wile reversible if caught early enough- is really something that can only be reversed by magic, like a shadow game or a mind crush

Since this is the thing that Atem removed from Seto's mind in episode one....

The actions he took prior to being mind-wiped can't be held entirely against him, as he was not consciously in control of what he was doing at the time, much like the actions of Yami Marik can't be held entirely against Hikari Marik, you can sure as hell blame Marik himself for alot of the things he did during Battle City, but things like the duels against Mai, Joey, and Atem, wherein it was blatantly clear that it was his evil half in control and his good half didn't have access to the controls (made even more obvious by the Yami Duel wherein both spirits had to sacrifice parts of their lighter selves/hosts for losing life points) are impossible to hold entirely against him

We also see that everything is Not Ok after the mind-crush, given that Seto passes up the chance to do his all-time favorite things (dueling, winning, and showing off) on the grandest scale yet when he decides to skip Duelist Kingdom, he claims it's because he doesn't know how to handle being defeated, and wile that may be partly true, it's pretty canonical that it was because of the mind crush (why else would they bring that hideous glob of evil around to duel Yugi/Atem once more?)

And, here's where the manga reference comes in, when you take into account that in the manga, he was in a six-month long coma after the mind-crush- and, mind you (ha), Duelist Kingdom is the turning point where the manga's canon starts to get closer to the anime's- it's really hard to believe that Seto's existential crisis is based on losing and not based on having evil forcefully removed from his soul by an ancient Egyptian spirit who's out to have a good time and was really feeling attacked at the moment

There's really no convenient place to inject backstory, so I'll do it here in the hopes of flowing more easily into the rest of Duelist Kingdom

Seto has been taking care of Mokuba since they were extremely young, he's essentially more like a father to him than a brother, and he had to learn early on to defend him - and that meant getting rougher, getting tougher, getting meaner, and when it came to Gozaburo- who's just about as abusive as one can get and really puts the word "pressure" to good use- that meanness has to amplify, it's made clear that Gozaburo wouldn't tolerate anything less than perfection and ruthlessness and if that was how Seto had to survive, that was how he had to survive, he spent most of his formative years under that kind of hand so naturally he was forced to form that way....

But as someone pointed out in another post somewhere, we can see by how well adapted Mokuba is just how much Seto has taken on in protecting him from that kind of corruption and evil, Gozaburo never really wanted Mokuba around so the pressure he put on him compared to Seto was definitely minimal... but that doesn't mean he wasn't just as abusive, and the fact that Mokuba spent the majority of his life with no parents of any kind and has relied pretty much solely on Seto as a parental figure- both in the way of necessities like food and shelter, as well as for emotional health- and yet has come out of it as a generally upbeat, positive, gentle person, really shows that Seto has to be doing something right, otherwise, it doesn't make alot of sense for Mokuba to have no shreds of bitterness, resentment, or negativity in him (again, going by the anime only) And further, to show the outstandingly deep devotion he does for Seto- utterly unwavering and full of not only loyalty, but genuine love and affection- proves that Seto has done something right somewhere, Mokuba never shows a single ounce of fear or hesitation towards him and never gives a second thought to hugging him, following him around, or getting involved in his personal affairs, if Seto had ever given him reason to be afraid of him (IE: abusing him or simply not stepping up to protect him when Gozaburo was abusing him) I find it really hard to believe that Mokuba would act so completely care-free with doing things that Seto may find unpleasant

Mokuba is Seto's entire world, he flat out tells Yugi that Mokuba is "everything to him", not money or power or success- Mokuba, wich is already something that speaks volumes about who he is as a person, and the extremes he goes to in order to protect Mokuba are .... pretty fucking extreme

When I was a kid, I thought that the "attack my Blue Eyes and you might just kill me" stunt he pulls on the rooftop at Pegasus' castle was a really filthy trick and was probably my primary reason for hating him as much as I did- and let's be honest, it IS a filthy option to resort to.... but as an adult, I understand it now, and can't place blame on him for feeling so completely backed into a corner, he wasn't trying to trick Atem, he was being sincere, I mean.... filthy and sincere... but still sincere

He would rather die than lose his brother, he was so desperate that he was ready to let someone kill him/commit suicide because he was out of options, and in that perspective, it's alot easier to understand why he did what he did, I don't excuse it, but I do understand it, and really, when it really boils down to things, can anyone say that they'd sooner let the only person in the entire world that they love die, for someone who they don't even like? The true crime of this entire thing isn't really that Seto was desperate enough to resort to suicide and emotional manipulation to win.... it's that he and Atem were both so stubborn and downright stupid that neither of them thought to actually communicate about why Seto needed to win in the first place, despite him saying repeatedly that he needed to save his brother and Atem saying repeatedly that he needed to save "his" grandfather, neither of them paused long enough to say "... We have a common goal, let's work together, or at the very least, come to a compromise" before resorting to such desperation, no one on this planet can seriously tell me that Atem wouldn't have jumped at the offer to save Mokuba if Seto had presented it to him, though, to be fair, I'll never understand why he didn't just offer to save Mokuba along with Grandpa in the first place (plot convenience really)

Although communication is an enormous problem with Seto and is one of the main reasons why he's always such a complete prick, he has a tendency to talk in code and to cover up what he means with what words he chooses to use, most likely because he A. Wasn't exposed to other children between the ages of 8-14 and before that most of his exposure was negative, and B. Was taught brutally that even the tiniest sign of compassion or understanding is weakness, and even the tiniest weakness is going to get you severely punished, he was already closed off to people during his stay at the orphanage, this just cemented that experience further

(And as a quick note, he acquired a company at 14-years-old, he was still a baby and running this God foresaken thing by himself, had no parental figure, still raising his brother ALONE, and let's also talk about how this 14-year-old BABY turned a weapons manufacturing company into a gaming company in less than two years, as he was sixteen during episode one of Duel Monsters)

To mention also: When faced with the fact that his company, that he had worked so extremely hard for, and that means so much to him, was being sold to Pegasus and he was being kicked out, where was his focus? Still on Mokuba, his brother was ALWAYS the absolute forefront of his focus during the entire Duelist Kingdom arc and his company played a very small second fiddle in comparison, I'm not sure if he even brought up the company more than once or twice during the entire arc, that's ... a little shocking all things considered

Additionally, despite how cold, untrusting, egotistical, and downright mean he can be, he outright thanks Yugi for rescuing Mokuba- twice- within the first season, once after Duelist Kingdom and once after Legendary Heros, that's kind of an enormous thing as Seto doesn't hand out gratitude easily.... though, speaking of gratitude we definitely have to confront the Joey-shaped elephant in the room

The way he treats Joey early on IS deplorable, he doesn't exactly treat any member of the Nerd Herd well, but things are especially prickly with Joey, and I'm unclear of the reasons for that- I don't think canon ever gives one- but I think of all of Seto Kaiba's ill moments, the way he treats Joey all the way up to late Battle City is without a doubt what I cringe at the most, he early on drives Joey so low into the ground that it gives him NIGHTMARES and is so ruthlessly horrible to him during that first encounter at Duelist Kingdom that I think, to date, it's the Kaiba thing I cringe at the most, I definitely don't excuse that behavior, and it burns me up like a firey demon when he refuses to thank Joey for being the one who ACTUALLY saved Mokuba, yet turns around and thanks Yugi instead, I'm also not exactly pleased with the fact that he tried to keep Joey out of his tournament but I really chalk that up mostly to Joey not having anything Seto wants and not being a duelist he respects vs outright cruelty, remember that for Seto, Battle City is ALL about getting the god cards and drawing out rare hunters, Red Eyes is Joey's rarest card but Seto never seems particularly impressed by it, and that coupled with him not respecting Joey's skills- as he believes he rode Yugi's coat tails through Duelist Kingdom- makes some sense as to why he wouldn't want him participating (outside of just disliking him) it would be counterproductive

The thing is, Seto DOES slowly shift out of "I legitimately hate your guts and am going to make sure you know it" and into "I'm going to pick on you because it's fun when you fight back and it's just how we communicate now", Battle City is a big turning point in my personal opinion, the second time Joey and Seto duel is still full of terribly mean words but the vibe is very different, from where I'm sitting, it feels alot more like an "I'm pulling your hair because I like you" type of thing and alot less like outright bullying for the sake of bullying, the fact that Joey doesn't take any of it to heart and just fights mean quip with mean quip the entire time is solid proof to me that the relationship is just mutual antagonism now and not so much outright bullying

Speaking of Battle City... there's alot of growth for Seto there, he works with Yugi and Atem frequently, at times by force (to save Mokuba) but at times because he wants to, he agreed to help Atem find the rest of the nerd herd before getting any word that Mokuba was taken because he wanted a duel for Atem's Slyfer card... even though all logic dictates that they probably would have faced eachother during the finals anyway and there is was literally no reason for Seto to follow him around begging for a duel like a five-year-old except for A. Impatience (not untrue) and/or B. Just .... wanting to, he could have so easily said "Find your own freinds, I'll get that Slyfer in the finals either from you or whoever beats you" but instead he spends his valuable time and energy tracking down Joey via his duel disk, and after all is said and done and Mokuba is safe...... he still helps Atem, he claims it's because he doesn't like owing people but that's never prompted him to go out of his way for Yugi and the others before (post Duelist Kingdom and Legendary Heros, Mokuba is the one who lets Yugi use the arena at Kaiba Land for his duel with Rebecca, here Seto has built up two favors that he owes and yet never says a word or makes an attempt to return them, so why does "owing" someone push him to keep helping Atem in Battle City when it didn't before? Either his "I don't like owing people" philosophy is new- wich is still charector growth- or he just wanted a reasonable excuse to keep helping Atem because he knew it was the right thing to do) Speaking of the right thing to do, when they DO track down Joey and Tea`, Seto is... surprisingly inactive during the duel, he has plenty of perfect opportunities to stop the duel somehow, and, if he was REALLY feeling cruel, to just outright steal Slyfer (wich Atem tossed aside when he started the duel) and get rid of both Atem and Joey by interrupting and making the anchor sink, yet he carefully keeps his distance until the timing is right for him to save Tea` because he doesn't want ANY of them to get hurt, not the rival he can't defeat, not the "third rate duelist" he supposedly hates, and not even someone (Tea`) who he barely knows

This is the same guy who gave an old man a heart-attack and used it as blackmail in episode one

Additionally, Seto immediately leaves after saving the day, that all-important duel that Atem owed him that he had FINALLY won? It didn't happen, Seto was still nagging him about it even after saving Mokuba, yet when it came time for Atem to FINALLY pay up he just..... walked off and said "nah see ya' in the finals", maybe he knew how exhausted Atem was and didn't want to duel him at half-power, maybe he was personally too tired to bother with it (although dueling to Seto seems to work the same way twenty-five cups of coffee does to a normal person so I doubt this) or maybe he just didn't feel like making Atem come through on his deal anymore, it doesn't really matter, it's all growth

And let me also point out that Atem wouldn't even have Slyfer if Seto hadn't given him a freaking pep talk in order to win it, Seto could have just as easily waited for Atem to lose and then dueled the mime for Slyfer- and that probably would have been smarter honestly, since Atem is the only one who has a history of defeating him- and yet.... he chooses to put energy into helping Atem instead

I feel like it's kind of understated that in the Battle City finals, Seto actually has a doctor and an infirmary on board the blimp, he claims that anyone who can't handle dueling at high altitudes and with raging winds isn't worth his time so what is the doctor and full medical bay doing there then? If he was that worried about Mokuba alone he would have had a much easier time just telling him not to go above deck, and if it was about law suits I tend to believe he wouldn't have people dueling on top of a freaking blimp in the first place, so he either anticipated Marik's shadowy shenanigans coming up (wich is a POOL of charector development on alot of different levels) or he anticipated accidents, people getting air sick, issues with the high altitude and what not, and figured that he'd better be completely prepared even for things like that wich are relatively small and not really needing of the tricked out medical bay (he had atleast one LIFE SUPPORT machine in there so obviously it went above and beyond just a first aid kit) Also, I know I said I was using the dub for this, but it's come to my attention that in the sub Seto is alot less of a jerk than he is in the dub about landing the blimp- originally, the ONLY problem is that the controls are screwy from the Noah incident (wich, by the way, is an enormous Thing all on it's own about Seto all on it's own, it's basically a showcase of Wow Was His Childhood Fucked Up, Let's Rub It In, and it's made clear just how impacted he was by his father and his father's company throughout, from the importance of his duel with Lecter being weapons-themed to his final duel with Guzaburo and saying "I won't be burried by you Guzaburo", giving up his chance to defeat Noah because he refused to hurt Mokuba, and the gem of telling Mokuba that everything he's done has been for him and a better future for them) and speaking of moments where the dub fucked up, I find another important gem during mid-Battle City when Tea` mentions that Seto actually lowered the price of duel disks "so everyone can play", that sounds alot less like a strict businessman and alot more like someone who just wants to offer kids the same escapism that he had when he was their age to me, a similar motivation I'm sure to why he opens up Kaiba Land

This is sadly where my "I'm greatly familiar with this material" knowledge comes to an end, as I only saw roughly half of the Orichalicos arc and that was too long ago for me to remember most of the small details in (plus I tend to kind of ... try to wipe that arc off the books considering that I find it to be a butchery of.. alot of things..)

Seto Kaiba is a complicated charector, he's very prickly and definitely an asshole- that's not in question- but I think he's really a very soft person when you peel back the initial layer, he's very good-hearted at his core, he just has an incredibly hard time expressing that- and for VERY understandable reasons, for all of his selfishness and egotism, he pours absolutely everything about himself into protecting his brother and gives alot of himself to trying to make things better for people (turning a weapons company into a gaming company may have been his dream but it was also an outlandishly hard task to accomplish and one that ultimately was better for the world, for example) there are moments where this all shines through but he tapes masks of coldness and insults and dueling metaphors over top of it because he just sincerely doesn't know how else to handle things, he IS, after all, still a 16-year-old child when the series begins, and I think he's only 18-19 at most when it ends, in the grand scheme of life, he's still practically a baby and has been thrust into so much adulthood that most 40-year-olds would have jumped ship already, he takes on the responsibility of his brother and his company and being a half-ass decent person (in so far as, you know, not blowing up the world or anything) without ever once complaining about it or trying to shrug it off or giving it ANYTHING but his all, and when you earn his trust and respect (as Atem and Yugi do) you get alot of loyalty and trust back- the shenanigans he goes through that he doesn't explicitly have to are good showings of this, and all of the ruthlessness his shows are purely survival instincts at their highest, he's had his company nearly taken away from him FOUR. TIMES. between Duelist Kingdom and the Orichalicos arc, FOUR. SEPERATE. TIMES. and I have an outstandingly difficult time believing that those were the first or last times that some crusty old men thought that a teenage C.E.O. would be easy prey to steal a multi-billion dollar company from, he's probably been white-knuckling that company since the day he took it over and I don't see that ending any time in the near future

#Seto Kaiba #Yugioh #ygo #Yu-Gi-Oh #I'm so sorry I've done this to you

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