#sorry for being terribly mean but sometimes i feel like people call themselves feminist without knowing what it means

[quillkiller]

i'd love to hear more about why u didn't like barbie if it's not a problem for u

it’s not a problem! i do want to preface by saying tho that i did actually love seeing it and especially in the theatres with my dyke best friend!! and we had the time of our lives.

i wrote a very long and messy film review about barbies take on feminism and the patriarchy, i could post that if you’d be interested? :)

it also just. rubs me so in the wrong way seeing ryan gosling being peoples favorite thing to come out of the barbie movie. it just proves to me, imo, that barbies message went completely unheard. i absolutely loved his performence too but like. did we watch the same film? do we really think it’s funny that ken got bored of ruling a pareiarchy bc it didn’t include horses? is that actually funny or is it just unbelievably insensitive and out of touch? because i personally think the latter.

my main thing tho is basiaclly just that i had expected the film to do something literally anything new. to say something we don’t already know. i could name several films with the same feminist take and i just genuinely thought it would do one single radical thing. and it didn’t, in my opinion, and it left me very disappointed. i can’t name one single (new) thing the barbie film did for women/feminism if i’m being completely honest. it wrapped itself up in a neat little package towards the end saying ’everyone matters!’ w a cute little bow on top. men (because kens are still men) didn’t have to apologize and ryan goslings ken is everyones favorite part. from a movie about patriarchy and the sidelining of women. it just doesn’t sit right with me at all.

the kens are literally my enemies like what they did was unforgivable? they were men brainwashing and taking advantage of women and they didn’t even have to apologize and now we’re all obsessed with ’kenergy’? they should’ve at the very least be held responsible, but no they got an apology instead. while the barbies literally didn’t get a single one. is kenergy rly something we want? was he really keanough?????? i swear if i ever meet a man saying he’s a ken / is kenough i will kill him and then myself

some people may think i’m overreacting or that i’m a buzzkill but this is is genuinely how i feel about it. i see women say ’this is a film for all women!’ but i didn’t feel that once? i didn’t feel included once in the narrative and im definitely not being represented by barbie. it brought me back to when i was in the closet and i felt alien to everyone around me. i felt strange and ugly and wrong. this was a film for heterosexual women, imo.

in my defense, i am a film student film with a bachelor’s degree in film science, so i do feel confident in my own reading of the film. i am also well read on feminist theory and have been educating myself for years (and still do). it’s two things i’m very passionate about and literally you couldn’t spend even half an hour with my friend group, all dykes, before it turns into political/feminist discussions hahahah. i trust my judgment in how i feel about the film, but i’m not trying to change anyone else’s mind and im definitely not saying it wasn’t a good film. i’m absolutely not automatically right because of this. this is simply my reading of the film.

however, i find it very difficult not to engage with media, especially film, critically as someone who studies film and intends to make it my career. and i tend to engage critically from a gender perspective based on feminist theory because i honestly just can’t help it. a huge part of me didn’t want to engage with barbie critically because i had the time of my life watching it. i had so so so so much fun. but sadly, here we are

i had a similar experience when, in film history class, we started every single morning watching silent films. i fucking love silent films but let me tell you, the people who made silent films don’t love me or care for women. every morning i had to prepare myself to watch a woman get murdered by a man. a reminder of how women have been treated in cinema. a reminder that a woman isn’t a person, she’s a plot device for the male protagonist. the men in my class never noticed, whereas me and my uni friends (all girls) felt rather affected by it every single viewing. film theory hits different depending on who’s watching the film

that’s why i wanted barbie do just something new. it’s a film literally based on feminism and patriarchy and it still ended with a woman apologizing to a man. she still had to fight him off trying to make advances. she still had to do the emotional labour for another man.

it was just tiring. i wouldn’t have this opinion if it hadn’t made it so clear that the literal plot is patriarchy and feminism. that’s why i feel so let down

[crhinge]

Breaking Down The Classic Rom-Com

I feel like I haven’t written a fun post in a hot sec so lets talk about one of my favorite subjects: Rom Coms

According to wikipedia, a Rom Com, also known as Romantic Comedy, is “a subgenre of comedy and slice-of-life fiction, focusing on lighthearted, humorous plot lines centered on romantic ideas, such as how true love is able to surmount most obstacles.” In the past, Romantic Comedies have also been called “Chick Flicks” but I think this is devaluing of both women and  the romantic comedy genre. 

The other day, I woke up to find that the most wholesome rom-com couple of all time reunited: Matty & Jenna (Aka Mark Ruffalo & Jennifer Garner). This got me thinking about the beauty of the Rom-Com and how unappreciated they can be. It has been years since we have seen a rom-com with the cultural impact of 13 Going on 30, and I would like to petition for more of them after a sad and painful year. 

I can already hear the millions (in my head this blog is extremely popular) of comments “What about To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before?!?” “What about The Kissing Booth?!?” And too that I say, "Good Riddance!” If you’re rating your rom coms on a TATBILB scale, or even WORSE The Kissing booth, I feel sorry for you. Truly I do. So let's dive into the best Rom Coms of all time, but first... 

What makes a Rom-Com good? Well let's start with a relatable as hell main character. I am talking a girl (sometimes guy), who has many flaws, but the audience can see themselves within her/him. Let's use Jenna Rink from 13 Going On 30 as an example. Well, she's literally a 13 year old in a 30 year olds body, but don’t we all still have a preteen hiding inside of all of us? She is 100% willing to be herself at every step, even if that means dancing thriller all alone. She touches on all of our insecurities, while teaching us how to break down our walls. 

Rom-Coms also need characters to make realistic choices. This does not mean that the movie itself is realistic, but rather than you can understand the choices the characters make. Again, 13 going on 30 does a fabulous job of this. Obviously, Jenna traveling in time because of wishing powder is not realistic, but the choices that her and her past self make are. Due to the insecurities of her childhood and a need to feel included, relevant, and powerful Jenna pushes important people out of her life, which happens to so many people in the real world. These decisions force her to miss out on the love of her life, and ultimately, the story ends sadly: the love of her life marries someone else and she is left with tears, wishing powder, and an old doll house. That is until she is able to travel back in time and change the course of her life. 

Lastly, Every classic Rom-Com couple needs to have chemistry. There. I said it. Hollywood loves just casting random famous actors without giving them a proper chemistry read. One great example of this is Julianne Hough and Josh Duhamel in Safe Haven. Both fun, famous, Hollywood actors who have zero chemistry. Mark Ruffalo and Jennifer Garner had more chemistry throwing back Razzles than those two did during an intimate sex scene. 

Alright, now that we have broken down the requirements of a Romantic Comedy, let's jump into the best and worst of all time.

Best: When Harry Met Sally. 9/10. A classic. A tale as old as time. Both Sally & Harry are very flawed, yet relatable characters. Sally is too picky and particular, while Harry is a player. They both suck at relationships, but make rational decisions based on their motivations. We all have friends like these two and their chemistry is on point, both on a friendship and romantic level. They bounce off of one another splendidly. 

Worst: Sleepless in Seattle. 1/10 I know, this is a strong take, but this is a terrible movie about a stalker. Meg Ryan (I don’t even remember her character's name) is the stupidest most unrelatable character I have seen in a long time. She is extremely unlovable, cheats on her SO emotionally, and flies across the country to stalk a man that she has never met before. And then you’re telling me that Tom hanks FALLS FOR HER? Nope. No. I refuse to except this. Plus, their chemistry in this is pretty mediocre (You’ve Got Mail is Way Better) and we only get to see them together once. 

Best: 10 Things I Hate About You. 8/10. I was tempted to leave all high School Rom-Coms off this list, but Heath Ledger is my exception. Talk about likability. Kat is a strong, powerful, independent woman who learns how to be more vulnerable while still being a feminist badass. We all wanted to be Kat growing up. Meanwhile Heath Ledger is the classic bad boy with a soft side, and who wasn’’t into that? Both characters grow into new people throughout the movie making them relatable, complex, and realistic. Not to mention the angel that is Joseph Gordon Levitt, who keeps the audience up beat and smiling throughout the course of this Shakespeare tale

Best: My Big fat Greek Wedding. 10/10.  Have you seen this film recently? Because it is an absolute DELIGHT and so relatable. It dives into the difficulty of family expectation and cultures merging. It also has the cutest proposal of all time with a realistic couple that fights for one another on a daily basis. You laugh. You cry. You get a dynamic cast with wonderful chemistry. You feel invested in the family and the relationship. Just a joyful wonderful film.

Worst: Something Borrowed. 0/10. If you’ve never seen this movie, don’t. Ginnifer Goodwin sleeps with her best friends fiancé and we’re supposed to be okay with it because she liked him first. Hard pass. And she ignores John Krazinski who is right in front of her. She is unlikable, unreliable, and makes dumb decisions that no one else would. 

Best: He’s just not that into you. 9/10  I will go to bat for this movie. It follows several realistic storylines in a Love Actually manor, except they actual seem legit. A woman realizing her boyfriend is never going to marry her. A girl facing the fact that maybe some guys just aren’t that into her, and she isn’t an exception to the rule. A man slowly making the decision to cheat on his wife as they are growing apart. A woman realizing that she is worth way more than her bastard husband. A woman realizing that the person she’s sleeping with will never leave his wife for her. It's compelling, has realistic characters that we can relate to, and still warms your heart in the end. 

Best: The Big Sick. 8/10. Okay to be fair, this is based on a true story so it automatically has realistic characters and decisions. Maybe I should leave this off of the list, but I wish this film got the recognition it deserves. Two lovable main characters who make mistakes that are understandable. Wonderful chemistry between Kumail and his girlfriend as well as her family. 

Best: About Time. 11/10 This is hands down the best Rom-Com of all time and Potentially the best film of all time as well. If you don’t cry in this movie you do not have a heart or soul. The characters are SO insanely likable and adorable.It touches on the importance of family and valuing time and how little of it we have. The chemistry within the whole cast is palpable, and we can all relate to at least one character, whether it is the protagonist Tim, his wife Mary, his sister Kit-Kat, or his father. 

Well it is important to point out the obvious here: this list is lacking diversity in a huge way. All but one of these movies follow a cis, straight, white couple, and that is extremely concerning. People have attempted to make more diverse rom-coms over the past few years, but they all seem to be lacking one of the three core components of what makes a rom-com great: Relatable, realistic, and great chemistry. For example. Crazy Rich Asians was a fantastic film, but the high level of wealth that Nick Young comes from, made his character difficult to relate to, and I’m sorry but the chemistry just wasn’t there for me. Always Be My Maybe’s characters fell flat and it’s not a film I would want to watch more than once. Love Simon made some huge waves for LGBTQ representation in the media, but that ending kiss was unrealistic along with his friends reaction to fining out he was lying, which left the movie anti-climactic by the end. 

Now, the most recent film on this list was made in 2017. And before that 2013. So where have all the Rom Coms gone? Why don’t we see more of them. There are a few Rom Coms that could be contenders on the “Best” list from the last couple of years that include a small amount of diversity: 

Yesterday 7/10. The big question here is does this count as a romantic comedy? The love story isn’t the main plot, but is definitely a large sub-plot. This movie features an interracial couple and is highly re-watchable. The main characters are entertaining, relatable, and have pretty good chemistry. We will see if it stands the test of time. 

The Broken Hearts Gallery 7/10. This movie has gotten NO recognition. The main character, Lucy, is an extremely likable 20 something, not unlike our Ginnifer Goodwin in He’s Just not that Into You. The plot is fun and predictable but keeps you watching. I don’t know if this one will stay on my list long, but it’s definitely up there. 

But here is my challenge to Hollywood: create some new, beautiful Rom Coms that celebrate diversity but that don’t throw away the relatable, realistic, and high chemistry characters that we are just waiting to fall in love with. It’s got like 16 ideas up my sleeve, so just give me a call Hollywood. 

[missrosienorris]

Abusive people suck

Disclaimer: Taking what may be considered a slight dump on my own side here, but I find my criticism valid and I’m not one to be quiet about things that piss me off. But as always, feel free to prove me wrong if you're up to it, although in this case I doubt that’ll happen because I’m pretty well versed on the subject due to personal experience and a surprising amount of actual reading.

Disclaimer 2: Taking this dump on my own side of the fence does not mean that I consider this problem to be particularly significant compared to all the awful shit on te other side of the fence, so fuck off, alt-right edgelords. I’m still very much a feminist and an SJW and I don’t cry when people punch Nazis (although on principle, I don’t condone it either, but I realize that my pacifism in the face of fascism comes from a position of privilege so I’m not sure my opinion carries much weight).

Disclaimer 3: God my anxiety disorder suuuuucks at the moment, so I’m sorry if I’m even ramblier and more incoherent than usual.

SO. I say awful shit when I’m angry, I oftentimes find my anger difficult to control, and I believe anger is a pretty normal response to oppressive behaviour. But I am so fucking fed up with how people use tone policing bans as a shield for their own abusive behaviour. I know that’s an opinion that might not be considered very highly in SJW circles, but I care fuck all, because the tone policing bans in the feminist groups I’m in are misused to the point where they’re a pest and make the groups unsafe for me and countless others who cannot handle the constant threat of abuse over minor mistakes.

Now, I agree with the general gist of a tone policing ban, in the sense that if someone comes into your forum to troll and be a prick, I won’t cry over someone telling them that they suck and to piss off, sort of the same way I won’t cry over the Nazi punching. I also support tone policing bans in the sense that when someone is expressing an opinion in an outraged fashion, I don’t think it’s cool to counter their arguments with “calm down” and “why are you so angry”, because that’s just derailing the conversation. This is how I interpret tone policing, and I think banning these types of behaviour is fine.

HOWEVER, what I can and will not abide by is when some poor schmuck who is on your side makes an incredulous mistake or just expresses themselves in a way you don’t like and you start hurling insults at them while hiding behind your oppressed status and the tone policing ban. I just do not think that being oppressed entitles you to be a complete asshole towards people who are obviously not trying to hurt you but are just a bit aloof or just frankly disagree with you (and I’m talking disagreements on debatable things here, not disagreements on, say, if Nazis are bad or there are more than two genders, answering “no” to those questions falls under being a prick and you can see the previous paragraph for that). And I KNOW intent is not magic, and I agree with that, but I don’t think that means that intent is MEANINGLESS and I will fight for the principle that a well-intentioned person deserves more respect than a trollish dickwad who pisses in everyone’s cheerios on purpose. I also know that it can sometimes be a bit difficult to distinguish when someone is incredulous and when they’re just gaslighting you, and okay, we all misinterpret each other on occasion, I’m talking people who habitually attack others in this fashion.

I find that using your oppressedness to exploit a tone policing ban like this is in itself oppressive, because it makes the forum very unsafe for people who can’t handle being abused like that when they’ve barely done anything wrong. Sure, if you’re oppressed, your power to oppress others on a societal level is rather insignificant, but in these groups it’s not, because the admins always have the abuser’s back in these situations. I’ve heard it explained with the rule that the groups are supposed to be safe spaces for those that are oppressed in society at large, but I don’t buy that, because these people are allowed to hurl insults at group members who are just as oppressed as they are but just happen to use a word the abuser doesn’t like or tell their experience in a way that’s not agreeable to the abuser. The insult free-for-all in these groups constantly have anxious-minded people like me walking on eggshells, which I think is fucking awful and I cannot fit that within my definition of feminism. I know that when discussing a topic it is very important that the experiences of those who are oppressed in that area carry more weight than the experiences of those who are not, and I am not against telling people to step aside or calling them out – in fact I think that’s healthy and I do it often myself – but that and being abusive are not the fucking same.

Not only does this behaviour piss me off, I also think it’s counterproductive. I cannot count how many people have left the groups, or pondered whether they want to associate with the movement at all because the view they get of it is so toxic. I know, I know, those people shouldn’t base their opinion on a Facebook group and they should use the Google and whatever, but people aren’t smart like that and we need allies. I really don’t think that not abusing people over minor mistakes is giving in to the oppressor’s terms or not being activist enough, you can be angry and loud and troublesome without constantly being a fuckface. If you can’t call someone out for a hickup without telling them to go die, just let someone else call them out that day. And again, note that when I say hickup, I don’t mean obviously awful behaviour. For example, if someone were to tell me that mentally ill people should all be locked up in asylums, I as a mentally ill person would tell said person to go fuck themselves with a pineapple. However, if they hyperbolically said that something made them want to kill themselves when in reality they were just embarrassed or annoyed by something, I might definitely call them out on that and tell them to not trivialize a terrible feeling that I myself have suffered from, but I would not instantly insult them because they probably didn’t mean to hurt me. And I know the line isn’t always that clear, but many times it is. And when it is, I really wish people wouldn’t be asshats just for the hell of it.

[lizzy-matthews]

Challenge 3 Part 1

This is the section with my conversations with all the diplomats. It’s long. Sorry not sorry. Enjoy. Includes rp’s with @katjanikula, @joeblakestein, @e--jun, @juliacranston, @eilidhcrain, @genevamartinelli, and @mikavladmska

This challenge seems like a total waste of my time. We’re supposed to explain to the foreign diplomats why we’d make a good queen. I already know that I won’t become queen because I’ve decided to be with Liam, so any answers I give will mainly be made up. But I made a promise to Liam and to myself that I wouldn’t just forfeit this competition. So I plan to dress positively professionally and charm the socks off all these foreign diplomats and prove to them that I could’ve been a great Queen if the situation was different--not that they need to know that I have no plans to become queen.

 Prime Minister Katja Nikula of Swendway

I hold out my hand to greet the Prime Minister. “Hi. I’m Lizzy Matthews, possible future Queen of Illea. I’d like to welcome you to our country,” I introduced.

Prime Minister Nikula raises both eyebrows in surprise. She shakes my hand in greeting. “Confident, Lady Matthews?”

I give a small shrug. “I did say ‘possible future queen’. But yes, I am confident in myself. That’s one way this Selection has helped me.”

She nods with interest. “Very well, confidence is always a good thing after all. Thanks for the Welcome.”

“I like to think confidence is one of the best qualities to have, especially for the ruler of a country,” I explain. “How could someone lead others if they do not believe in themselves?”

“Yes, that is indeed an important quality,” she agrees slowly. “You seem awfully prepared for this, Lady Matthews.” She eyes me up and down, as though analyzing me. “Any particular reason for that?”

I take a deep breath before I explain my story. “A few weeks ago, I was a shy, timid girl afraid to step out of her comfort zone and meet new people. I realized that if I want to have any chance of being queen, or being successful in any future career, I have to grow out of my shell and be more confident with myself. I want to show everyone that I am capable of ruling this country and won’t back down from any challenge.”

She nods approvingly and I inwardly sigh with relief. Talking to these foreign diplomats may be more difficult than I thought. “Okay then. That is very good, Lady Matthews. I am glad you learned to push yourself out of your comfort zone. That is important now only for a possible future Queen, but for every girl out there.”

The fact that she emphasized the word ‘girl’, I figure she may be more of a feminist, in which case it would be good to lead the conversation more in that direction. “I definitely agree. I’m proud that Illea has reached a point where men and women have equal rights and opportunities, and that women are not shamed for chasing their passions, though the whole concept of the Selection doesn’t necessarily align with that ideal. But the rest of Illea is great about gender equality.”

“Well… if I may not be too impertinent I would say it is still a problem with the castes.”

“Yes, definitely the castes are a problem. But I believe there are few to no issues regarding men having an easier time getting jobs or such,” I answer.

“Women are, however, entitled to bear their partner’s caste number, if I am not mistaken?”

I freeze. Yes, that is a problem. One that I hadn’t thought of. I need to make sure to get the idea across that I know what I’m talking about, and that the issue of caste movement due to marriage isn’t a problem. “That is often the cast, though there is very little movement amongst castes to begin with. And there is always the chance to move castes by oneself, so it’s not solely a thing of marriage. But yes, it is true that the women are more likely to take the caste of their husbands.”

“Oh, I know. I meant in cases where going up a caste cannot be afforded… but I understand that you believe gender equality has become less problematic over the years.”

“Yes. While our country still has many faults, I don’t believe gender equality—of a lack thereof—is an issue we have to deal with so much anymore.”

“Respectable. So have you been liking the palace?” She asks. “See yourself living here in a near future?”

“I love the palace. It’s absolutely beautiful. I would love to live here, but I have no idea if that will be an opportunity provided to me. I guess we’ll see.”

“I guess you’ll see then,” she agrees. “If you don’t mind, may I ask how things between you and Haiden are?”

“Haiden is naturally very shy. He’s been trying to open up more to people, but it’s been a slow process. At the moment, I will admit that I do not believe myself in love with him, but who knows what could happen in the near future. Obviously Haiden believes there’s a chance for us  or I wouldn’t still be here.”

“Of that I am sure. He is very close to the Elite now. Soon we’ll know how far his sentiments for you go.”

Was that a threat?

“Well technically he hasn’t chosen the Elite,” I comment. “There are still fifteen of us here, and the Elite is a maximum of ten. He has said that he will narrow it down to the Elite after this challenge, though. I guess we’ll see then if I’m a part of it.”

“Yes, that is what I meant. I am aware of his decision to narrow it down to the Elite soon.”

“Personally, I think even if we haven’t made as much of a connection romantically, I’ve proven that I’d make a good Queen, so perhaps that will keep me in this Selection.”

“Do you consider love not to be an important part of the decision?”

“I definitely believe it is an important part of Haiden's decision. But I don't think it should be the sole aspect of his decision. He also needs to look at Selected who would be responsible enough to be Illea's next queen. I think--and my opinion doesn't necessarily mean anything--that Haiden's Elite should be made up of girls who he feels attracted to and girls who would be good queens. Obviously I hope there is some overlap for him, and maybe I'll fit into that overlap, but I also believe that my strong stance as a confident potential future leader make me a good candidate for the Elite.”

“Interesting position, Lady Matthews. I won’t deny the grounded thoughts behind it. I hope you may become a prosperous Queen—if that is what you wish for and what this Selection has in store for you.”

“Yes, I suppose we’ll see what this Selection has in store for me.”

“That we will.”

“It was nice meeting you,” I say.

“You too, Lady Matthews.”

I sigh as I turn and walk away. She seemed interested in my ideas, but perhaps not a huge fan of my personality. Well, I already plan to talk to many other diplomats, so we’ll see what happens. One down, many more to go.

Queen Eilidh Crain of Britain

 I hold out my hand to the queen. Hi. I’m Lizzy Matthews, possible future Queen of Illea. I’d like to welcome you to our country.”

She shakes my hand. “It’s a pleasure to meet you, future Queen Lizzy. I’m Eilidh.”

I smile. “I would like to point out that I said ‘possible future queen’. I may be confident, but I am neither cocky nor vain enough to assume I will be queen. It’s an honor to make your acquaintance, though.” I also don’t ever expect to be queen, since I’m with Liam now, but no one here needs to know that.

“Ah, my mistake. You’re quite the fire cracker. Care for tea?”

I smile at being called a fire cracker. Never would I have been described as such back in Clermont; I was much too shy and reserved for that. “Absolutely. Tea sounds lovely.”

“So, how are you enjoying the Selection so far?”

“The Selection has been great! I’ve been able to make a lot of new friends, as well as gain more confidence in myself.”

“That’s always a wonderful thing to hear.”

“It is. Even if I don’t win, I’ll at least have that.”

“Personal growth will always outdo material.”

“I agree. I think sometimes people believe that material possessions are more important than physiological needs, and so will forfeit their health—mentally or physically—in order to achieve some goal or win some prize. A person’s health or self-worth should always come first.”

“Absolutely! I’m so glad you agree. It’s terribly hard to find someone like that in the current atmosphere.”

“Yes. I’ve found that many people in this palace are so concerned about material goods. I feel like the palace itself is an example of that. Opulence is just showcased everywhere. Everything in this palace costs enough to feed a Six family for at least a month.”

“You’re incredibly aware, Lady Lizzy, and I must say I admire that greatly. If you don’t win this, there’s absolutely a job for you in my court.”

I feel my heart jerk in my chest. Did she just offer me a job? In the British Empire? In her court? That’s crazy!

“Really? Well that’s certainly a generous offer, and one that I will sincerely think about, if I am eliminated from this Selection.”

“Please do, you would be a wonderful asset. Although I’m sure being the possible future queen is a more appealing job.”

“Yes, that’s true. But I don’t know if I will become queen.” And I don’t expect to. “I suppose that remains to be seen.”

“It does indeed. Now, are there any other political things you need to discuss?”

I nod and ask her for some advice on possible changes that could be implemented to Illea’s policies. I describe my idea about providing monetary compensation to families in lower castes who have children in school, so that the children may attend school without the families losing money due to fewer working bodies. I think it is a fantastic idea in theory, but I wanted to hear from the leader of another country about whether or not it is even a possibility.

“Absolutely! The government pays for many things, I hope you realize, so why can’t education be added to the list?”

“Well, I was just a little hesitant about it because the government would essentially be paying kids to go to school, and that’s a lot of money for an indirect benefit to the country. Obviously having educated youths is beneficial, but not every student will grow up to immensely impact the country. Some government officials may be opposed to it.”

“Hm, yes. But at least you are aware of this, so you won’t go in with a blitz head.”

“That’s very true. Thank you for your advice.”

“Any time. It’s been a pleasure, Lady Lizzy.”

We part cordially, and I smile to myself. That was certainly a success. She even invited me to join her court!

 Grand Duchess Mika Vladmska of Russia

 I hold out my hand to the Grand Duchess. “Hi. I’m Lizzy Matthews, possible future Queen of Illea. I’d like to welcome you to our country.”

She looks at my hand coldly. “Do they not teach proper etiquette in this country? You should show some respect.”

Yikes. I guess they don’t call her the ice queen just because of the location of her home country. But I made a promise to win over all these diplomats, so I guess I’m going to have to really step up the charm.

“I apologize, Grand Duchess. Although we have teachers for the Selection who are supposed to teach us the etiquette of foreign countries, I’m afraid their classes have been rather lacking. For future reference, how should I have addressed you?”

Nailed it.

“Grand Duchess will be fine, thank you.”

“Alright, Grand Duchess. I must say I’m fascinated by your country. I would love to travel the world, if I could, and I hope to become Queen to get that chance. Tell me, what is Russia like?”

“Well, it’s certainly cold. The history dates back far, although there isn’t much else to appeal to people.”

“I’m sure that’s not true. There must be a lot of beautiful historical buildings and stories. And I would love to see snow falling. There’s never been snowfall in Clermont, but I imagine snow to be absolutely stunning. Perhaps a bit of work, but a sight to behold nonetheless.”

We begin talking a lot about snow, and Mika grows reminiscent about childhood fun in the snow. I believe getting her to talk about things she likes was definitely the best way to soften her disposition.

“That sounds amazing,” I tell her regarding her stories about snow. “I truly hope I get the chance to visit your country some day.”

“Whenever you choose to come, please let me know. I’d want to make it a wonderful experience for you.”

I smile. I’ve definitely gotten on her good side.

“That would be great!” I exclaim. “Unfortunately, unless I do become queen, I’m not sure I’ll ever have the opportunity to travel, though.”

“Ah, that’s quite unfortunate.”

“I know. It’s a sad fact of our world, or at least this country, that so few people have the opportunities to travel.”

“It quite is. How do you propose you could change it?”

“I suppose increasing safety regulations between countries could allow for foreigners to feel safer in travel, as well as increasing the amount of ways that a person could travel. For example, right now only a few private planes exist for royalty and high ranking government officials. If more commercial planes were put into commission, more people would have the chance to travel, and could experience other cultures. I think it would be a great step toward maintaining peace throughout the world. It would make everyone see how connected we all truly are.”

“I must say, Lady Lizzy, you are proving yourself to be quite a promising Queen.”

I feel heat rise in my cheeks. Even if I have no plans to truly become queen, it’s nice to hear that I would be good at the job. “Well, thank you. That means a lot to me.”

“It’s been an interesting conversation, Lady Lizzy, and I wish you the best in the Selection. Farewell.”

“It’s been a pleasure talking with you. Thank you.” Mika walks away without another word.

Well, if I managed to freeze the ice queen, I think I can handle all of the other diplomats.

  Ambassador E-Jun of New Asia

 I hold out my hand to greet the ambassador. “Hi. I’m Lizzy Matthews, possible future Queen of Illea. I’d like to welcome you to our country.”

She shakes my hand. “Hi Lady Lizzy. I’m really glad to meet you. I really appreciate your welcome, but as New Asia’s ambassador, I live here in Illea.” She gives me a pitying smile and I feel like I could slap myself. I’ve spoken to so many diplomats from other countries, I forgot that there are some who live in Illea.

“Oh! I’m so sorry,” I apologize quickly. I need to rectify this situation. “I suppose I just haven’t seen you around the palace much, and with so many new faces here this week, it’s sometimes difficult to distinguish the new and the old.” Perfect.

“Don’t worry, I don’t live here in the palace, but the embassy is pretty close to here. I was dying to meet you girls! How are you feeling now that you’ve gotten this far in the competition?”

“I’m actually kind of surprised I’ve made it this far. Haiden’s not the most expressive person with his emotions, so I’ve thought many times that he would eliminate me. I’m grateful for the chance to remain in this Selection though and prove that I could be a good queen.”

“Yes, I guess he can be a little reserved sometimes but maybe with time that changes. Between you and me, what are your plans to prove you could be a good queen?” She winks.

“I’m not really sure yet. I suppose by talking to all the foreign diplomats, I can show how eager I am to learn about foreign policies. And I also hope to talk to Haiden and the other diplomats more about my ideas for education reform, as well as some other ideas.”

“Feel free to share with me your ideas, I’m really interested to know about your propositions to make a change in your country and the benefits that will bring to the rest of the world.” She smiles.

“Well, first of all, I think I would be amazing at foreign policy. I have already loved talking to all the foreign diplomats in the palace this week. I love learning about other countries and other places, and would love to visit them all. I know in terms of domestic affairs here in Illea, there are a lot of issues that should be worked out. The caste system is certainly an interesting issue. While there are certain benefits to it, it ultimately limits the freedoms of many of the population. Also, education is a problem due to the fact that lower castes are not required to attend classes since their families need them at home to work. It would benefit the overall intelligence and education levels of the country if the Illean government could provide compensation to the families who have children in school, so that those children could complete a minimum amount of schooling. Finally, the issue of safety and guards is a big issue considering there have been so many Rebel attacks recently. I'm not sure we should increase the draft, because there are already so many families whose lives are uprooted by the draft, but perhaps having a larger paid army made up of volunteer guards, or those who are being paid, could increase the level of security in this country.”

“You would love to travel to New Asia. Yes, you are right, there are many things that can be changed in this country. I’m sure that with a lot of patience and strategy this country will grow strong. New Asia has the best intention to work shoulder by shoulder with Illea. I hope in the future our alliances get stronger.”

“I would love to travel to New Asia! I love the idea of seeing new places, though I’m not sure I’ll have the opportunity unless I become queen. I think it’s very important for the world nations to form alliances and work together as a whole to make peace around the world.”

“Yes, peace is the most valuable thing,” she agrees with me. “When you have it, it can be underrated, but just think about the times when there were terrible wars around the world.”

“Yes, I definitely remember the wars in history. I am not one to take peacetime lightly. I understand its importance and the necessity of maintaining it. It’s one thing I hope for the world in the coming future.”

“I’m happy that you appreciate really important things, like peace and freedom.”

I smile. She is really easy to talk to, and really seems to agree with my points of view. I have definitely charmed the pants off this diplomat.

“Absolutely,” I say. “I can only hope Haiden shares these views, as well.”

“Sure he does. As the future King, I’m sure all these topics have crossed his mind lots of times,” she notes. “How are you handling the idea that you can get the second-most important job in the country? I mean, as a queen, supporting the prince and helping him to rule.”

I take a deep breath before continuing. “I understand that it’s a huge undertaking, but I believe that I am capable of handling it. I would be proud to represent my country as its queen, as well as standing up for the people’s beliefs and needs. And I would be proud to stand next to Haiden, and I can only hope that I could be enough of a support for him to be the best king and best man he can be.” I smile to myself. As long as I don’t have to describe any emotions or feelings regarding a relationship with Haiden, I seem to be doing just fine. No, I’m not in love with Haiden and I honestly don’t think I ever will be, not when I’m in love with Liam. But I do care for Haiden, and hope he is able to find a queen he can trust and love. As long as I only have to talk about being queen as a job title, I can perfectly describe why I would be good at it.

E-Jun puts a hand over her heart. “That’s really sweet, Lady Lizzy. I guess you are learning a lot of things here to get prepared for the job, aren’t you?”

“I like to think I’ve grown a lot as a person through this experience. Even if I don’t win, I have that.”

“You are such a positive lady, willing to learn, and that will take you far in this life.” She smiles graciously at me.

“Thank you so much. That means a lot to me.”

“Good luck in this competition, Lady Lizzy. Stick to your dreams and don’t forget to have fun as well,” she finishes with a wink.

“Thank you!”

We leave with a companionable greeting. I’m glad that we ended on good terms, especially after an awkward introduction. Great, now I can move on to the next diplomat.

 Chancellor Joe Blakestein of the German Federation

 I hold out my hand. “Hi. I’m Lizzy Matthews, possible future Queen of Illea. I’d like to welcome you to our country.”

“Hello, Lady Lizzy. It’s a pleasure to meet you.”

“It’s a pleasure to meet you, too. How have you been enjoying the palace so far? And how was your flight? It must have been a long flight.”

“Oh, Prime Minister Cranston made it eventful enough. The palace is quite spectacular, I must say. How are you enjoying the palace, yourself?”

“The palace is absolutely beautiful. Everything in it is exquisite and luxurious, though I do believe it lacks a sense of personality that should be found in a person’s home. This is, after all, a home to the royal family.”

“It should be. It seemed rather cold walking in,” he agrees.

“Yes, I do feel that the palace is somewhat vapid; lacking in personality. But it is true that it’s not only the home to the royal family, it is also the center of Illea. It needs to be seen as a central element of Illean society and show that Illea is a strong nation. If the royal family were to make it feel more lived-in by decoration with less-than-perfect items, it gives off an air that the royal family, and Illea itself, is less than perfect. Not that perfection is absolutely necessary.”

“I must be quite honest, I’ve never seen the royals as something of an honest family. The entire country is quite primitive.”

Wow. I wasn’t expecting that from one of the diplomats. He just blatantly insulted Illea. I may not wish to be its queen, but I feel the responsibility to defend my home country—without offending outright the Chancellor of the German Federation.

“Well, I’m sorry you think that. Personally, I see the faults of our country for sure, but every country has some issue. There is no perfect place in existence. But while I do see the faults, I also see the strengths and advantages. There are many great things about Illea, and I am proud to call it my home country. Even if I do find the palace to be a little impersonal.”

“Interesting standpoints, Lady Lizzy. What do you think of changing laws and policies?”

“I think that there are certain laws and policies in place in Illea that I would not be opposed to changing, or at least modifying. The caste system, for example, is something that could definitely use some work… or just eliminated altogether.”

“It truly is. In fact, the caste system is one of the main reasons other nations are so hesitant on creating ties with Illea.”

I’m shocked that he’s sharing this much with a member of the Selection. Does he speak this frankly with Haiden or King Ashton?

“Yes, I’ve always believed that may be the case, though it is strange to here you say it so… bluntly to someone who could be the future Queen of Illea. But I do believe that even with the caste system in place, Illea has many redeeming qualities to offer other countries in alliances. We’ve had many groundbreaking scientific discoveries recently, for example.”

“That is true, Lady Lizzy, there are many redeeming qualities about Illea. However, there would be no need to call them “redeeming” if the castes were not in place. It’s an international opinion, I suppose.”

Well I guess I won’t be able to manage to convince him of the greatness of Illea. “I suppose we will have to agree to disagree,” I tell him. I guess I can’t win over them all, but I can say that I at least made an honest effort.

 Prime Minister Juliana Cranston of the British Empire

 I hold my hand out. “Hi. I’m Lizzy Matthews, possible future Queen of Illea. I’d like to welcome you to our country.”

“Straightforward. I like it. Hello, Lizzy. How are you?” The Prime Minister asks.

“I’m great, how are you?”

“I’m doing very well. Jet lag is rough, but I’m glad to be in Illea, especially to meet all of you.”

“I can imagine. The jet lag when I first arrived in Angeles was rough, and that was only five hours. How long was your flight?”

“Around eleven hours.”

“Oh wow. Yeah, the time difference must be difficult to get used to. Do you travel a lot?”

“Not so much anymore, but I did when I was younger.”

“That must be nice. I always wanted to travel, and this Selection has given me the opportunity to see another part of the country that I might never have gotten to see otherwise.”

“Hopefully you’ll come to England sometime. We’d love to have you.”

I smile. “I would absolutely love to visit. If I become queen, I will absolutely do that, but I’m not sure I’ll get the chance otherwise.”

“Please, if you don’t become queen, let me know and I’ll get you to England. A girl like you shouldn’t be stuck in one country her whole life.”

My eyes widen in surprise. “Wow, that would be great! Thank you so much!”

“Of course, it’s the least I could do. Anyway, I’m assuming you’re here to ask me something.”

I clear my throat, ready to get down to the business aspect of this meeting. “Yes, well. I’m assuming you’ve heard of Haiden’s next challenge for those of us in the Selection. We’re supposed to talk to one of the foreign diplomats in the palace this week and say why we will make a good Queen. Personally, I’d rather just learn about the different cultures from where all of you are from, but I suppose we can talk about leadership roles as well.”

“I’m open to anything. Talk away.”

“Well maybe I can just sell to you why I think I would make a good queen.” I continue to discuss the policies and ideas I shared with E-Jun.

“That’s an interesting thought. What are you studying in school?” The Prime Minister asks.

I go on to explain to her that I finished schooling, and don’t necessarily plan on attending a university. She explains that everyone should have the chance to have as much education as possible, and I say that I will definitely try to attend a university after the Selection if that seems like a logical path for me.

“Remember kid,” Juliana says, “You are the future of Illea, and it seems to me you’ve got a good head on your shoulders. Change this country, Lizzy.”

I smile at her compliments. “I hope to do just that. Thank you.”

“No problem. Do you have any more questions for me?”

“I can’t think of anything, but it’s been lovely talking to you.”

“You as well. Good luck.”

“Thank you.”

And with that, another meeting with a foreign diplomat is done. I honestly don’t think it’s necessary to talk with them all, but I made a choice so I plan on sticking by it.

 Princess Geneva Martinelli of Italy

 I hold out my hand to greet the Princess. “Hi. I’m Lizzy Matthews, possible future Queen of Illea. I’d like to welcome you to our country.”

She pulls me in for a hug, surprising me. “Oh, it’s so nice to meet you! Please, call me Geneva.”

“It’s very nice to meet you, too, Geneva. How have you been enjoying your time in Illea so far?”

“It’s been wonderful. How has the Selection been treating you?”

“The Selection has certainly been an adventure. I’ve learned a lot about myself and Illea.”

“I’m sure! Do you think you’d enjoy the politics of being queen?”

“I think I would. I know I would love the foreign relations aspect of it. I’ve always wanted to travel, so getting to see other countries and learning their cultures would be a dream come true. And I know I have a lot of ideas for Illean affairs as well.”

“Oh, you must come to Italy one day! I’m sure you’d love it immensely. We’re also just a drive away from the political center of Europe.”

“Oh, I would love to! But unfortunately only politicians and very few others have the opportunity to travel. If I don’t become queen, there aren’t many options for me. However, I have been made many offers by some of the other foreign diplomats to visit their countries.”

“I can fund the trip for you! Entirely my treat. Coming during the summer will be great fun.”

“Oh, that would be amazing! Thank you so much for the offer!”

“It’s my pleasure. Now, I understand there are some questions you need to ask me?”

“Well, it’s not really questions. It’s more like I’m supposed to try to prove to you why I would be a good Queen.”

“Well, then go right ahead! Why do you think you’d be a good queen, Lizzy?”

I describe to her all the ideas that I’d outlined to the other diplomats regarding education, foreign travel, the caste system and security.

“I like the way you think! I would support you in any ways I can to get this program running.”

“Thank you! I mean, I think the first step in implementing any of my ideas would be to get Illean government officials to listen to the ideas. And then convince them of why they are so important. If I become Queen, I’ll have more influence, but if not…”

“It can be quite troublesome, but I’m sure you can do it.”

“Thank you for your belief in me.”

We part ways and I sigh in relief. All I have left to do is talk to Alessia Mabo, Haiden’s cousin, and then I will be done!

[batnsons]

PSA

So I felt like I need to put this out there. I’ve been too scared to voice my opinions lately, because I didn’t want to face the hate or lose the followers. But people like @autumnhobbit and @brooklynnbros have inspired me to finally stand up and say what I believe.

I’m a Christian. I’m a born-again, baptist, Child of God. I’ve talked about being a Christian a little in the past but I have new followers and wanted to reiterate this fact. I believe in one all-powerful God that created the universe. I believe in Jesus Christ, I believe he came to this earth as a man and died for my sins so I don’t have to. Does this mean I get to act however I want? Absolutely not. But we’re all sinners, no matter how hard we try. But because of Christ, we don’t have to suffer for our sins. I’ve placed my faith, my heart, and my life in God’s hands, and he has given me new life. I’m told by His Word to walk in His light, to follow His path, and to obey His commandments. And everyday I try, and everyday I fail in some area. But every day God picks me back up, sets me back on my feet, and gives me the strength to try again. Because of my faith, I have a comfort in knowing that everything in this world is fleeting, yet God is eternal and so is His grace and mercy for me. And even though everything in this life comes to an end, I have an eternal life with God waiting for me.

I’m also a conservative Republican. And I know on this site that horrifies people even more than me saying I’m a Christian does. But I’m not done yet.

I’m a woman, but I’m not a feminist. *cue horrified gasping*. If I was alive back when the feminism movement started, maybe I would’ve called myself a feminist. But what feminism is today is simply an excuse for women to be sexist towards men without repercussion, and a fancy name for women to call themselves because they wanna be able to do whatever they want and not face the repercussions. Honestly that’s all feminism has become. These women want to be able to do whatever they want, and then cite that they’re a “feminist” so no one can touch them. I’m sorry, but as a woman growing up in this society, I refuse to associate myself with women that honestly sometimes make me ashamed to even say I’m a woman.

I believe abortion is murder. Another reason I won’t call myself a feminist, because abortion is what it all stems down to. These women want to be able to “have fun” and “enjoy life” and then not be responsible for the consequences. Because “it’s my body!” Well, news flash, when a baby is growing in your uterus, IT’S!! NOT!! YOUR!! BODY!! It is a living, breathing human with a beating heart and hands and feet and skin and eyes and bones and muscles and nerves and a brain and it relies on you, it’s mother, to care for it and give it the nutrients and nourishment it needs as it grows into a beautiful child. I hope you all realize I’m actually shaking as I type this as I think of the millions and millions of children that never got to see their mother’s face, that never got to hear their voice, or see the sun, or live a life because they were brutally murdered before they could even be born. And yes it’s murder, see statement two sentences ago. And please do not give me the “what if it’s from rape” or “what if the mother can’t care for the child” crap. Excuse me? I’m going to address that second one first. If you can’t care for the child, WHY IS YOUR FIRST ANSWER TO KILL IT?!?! And if it’s from rape: look, I’m terribly sorry that happened, and that’s awful. But that’s still another human inside you. I’ve heard many stories about young girls that became pregnant after a situation like that that decided to keep their child, and now say it’s the best thing that happened to them. But my main answer for both arguments: A-DOP-TION. There are thousands and thousands of people that try and try and try to have children and can’t, and here all these women go, literally killing their babies because they don’t want them. Do you know how sick that makes me? I cry, every time I think about all those white crosses that signify not even all the babies aborted in this country. It’s horrific, and it’s disgusting, and it’s monstrous. “Ok but what if the birth of the baby would kill the mother?” This is a question that is a little more difficult to answer. Honestly, I don’t believe you should ever kill an unborn baby. Ever. But this is harder to answer black and white. You have two lives in the balance. Keeping the baby might or will kill the mother, but keeping the mother alive will kill the baby. I personally would never abort the child for the sake of the mother. I just wouldn’t. Because in one instance, you have someone dying from birth complications, and honestly there’s not a lot you can do. Or, you have someone dying because you physically made a conscious decision to end their life. To me it seems clear. But I know to others it doesn’t, and I can’t argue this as strongly as the previous instances.

This is what I believe, and I’m not ashamed of it. In posting this I feel like I’m lifting an enormous weight off my chest. I’ve been scrolling past tons of political posts, aching to state my beliefs but too cowardly to risk losing followers. But I refuse to cower anymore. I’ve been taught to stand up for what I believe in, unapologetically and unashamed. And that’s what I’m doing. If I lose followers, then I guess I never needed them in the first place. But hopefully most people will respect my right to state my beliefs. Also, if I get hate in my inbox for this, I am fully in my rights to never deign to reply to any hateful and hurtful comments. Thank you

[viralhottopics]

Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie: ‘Can people please stop telling me feminism is hot?’

The novelist has been accused of making equality mainstream: isnt that the point? Plus an extract from her new Feminist Manifesto In Fifteen Suggestions

Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie was in Lagos last summer, teaching a writing workshop as part of an annual schedule that sees her time divided between Nigeria and the US. For much of the year, Adichie lives in a town 30 minutes west of Baltimore, where her Nigerian-American husband works as a medic and the 39-year-old writes in the quiet of a suburban home. When Adichie is in Nigeria, where her parents and extended family still live, she has a house in the vast city she regards with the complicated love and condescension of the part-time expat.

Its an ambivalence with which many Nigerians regard her, too; last year, the workshop ended in a question-and-answer session, during which a young man rose to ask the famous novelist a question. I used to love you, she recalls him saying. Ive read all your books. But since you started this whole feminism thing, and since you started to talk about this gay thing, Im just not sure about you any more. How do you intend to keep the love of people like me?

Adichie and I are in a coffee shop near her home in the Baltimore suburbs. We have met before, a few years ago, when her third novel Americanah was published, a book that examines what it is to be a Nigerian woman living in the US, and that went on to win a National Book Critics Circle award. A lot has happened since then. Half Of A Yellow Sun, Adichies second and most famous novel, about the Biafran war, has been made into a film starring Chiwetel Ejiofor and Thandie Newton. Her essay, We Should All Be Feminists, adapted from her 2013 TEDx talk, has remained on the bestseller lists, particularly in Sweden, where in 2015 it was distributed to every 16-year-old high-school student in the land. The talk was sampled by Beyonc in her song Flawless. Adichie has become the face of Boots No7 makeup. And she has had a baby, a daughter, now 15 months old.

Adichie is still somewhat in the blast zone, not entirely caught up on sleep, but has published a short book, Dear Ijeawele, Or A Feminist Manifesto In Fifteen Suggestions, an extended version of a letter to a friend who, after having her own baby girl, asked Adichies advice on how to raise her to be feminist. I have had twin girls myself since our last meeting, so I am curious about her approach, not least because one of my two-year-olds currently identifies as Bob the Builder and the other as Penelope Pitstop. I would like to equip them to be themselves, while resisting whatever projections might be foisted upon them. We show each other baby photos and smile. Welcome to the world of anxiety, Adichie says.

The success of We Should All Be Feminists has made Adichie as prominent for her feminism as for her novels, to the extent that now I get invited to every damned feminist thing in the whole world. She has always been an agony aunt of sorts, the unpaid therapist for my family and friends, but having the feminist label attached has changed things, and not just among her intimates. I was opened to a certain level of hostility that I hadnt experienced before as a writer and public figure.

This is partly why she has written the new book, to reclaim the word feminism from its abusers and misusers, a category within which she would include certain other progressives, and to lay down in plain, elegant English her beliefs about child-raising.

Dear Ijeawele is, in some ways, a very basic set of appeals; to be careful with language (never say because you are a girl), avoid gendered toys, encourage reading, dont treat marriage as an achievement, reject likability. Her job is not to make herself likable, her job is to be her full self, she writes in reference to her friends daughter, a choice Adichie has come to elevate almost above any other.

That day in Lagos last summer, her friends were furious at the cheek of the young mans question, but she rather liked his bravery and honesty in asking it. She replied in the same spirit. Keep your love, Adichie said. Because, sadly, while I love to be loved, I will not accept your love if it comes with these conditions.

Having a baby has made Adichie think differently about her own parents, particularly her mother. Grace Adichie, who had six children and worked her way up from being a university administrator to the registrar, taught her daughter to love fashion as well as books, and was a very cool mum whom she idolised as a child. Nonetheless, and in the manner of most snotty young adults, young Chimamanda went through a phase of being very superior to her mother. Now, the novelist looks at her daughter and gulps.

Adichie recently came across her own kindergarten reports. My father keeps them all. You know what the teacher wrote? She is brilliant, but she refuses to do any work when shes annoyed. I was five years old. She laughs. I couldnt believe it. My husband couldnt believe it. I must have been an annoying child.

Its not as if she comes from a family of radicals. My parents are not like that. Theyre conventional, reasonable, responsible, good, kind people. Im the crazy. But their love and support made that crazy thrive.

Unlike Adichie, who was raised exclusively in Nigeria, her daughter will be raised in two cultures and subject to slightly diverging social expectations. Already, Adichie says with a laugh, friends and relatives from home are concerned that her mothering is insufficiently stern.

A friend was just visiting and she said to me, Your parenting is not very Nigerian. In Nigeria and, I think, in many cultures you control children. And I feel like, my daughter is 15 months, she doesnt have a sense of consequences. And I enjoy watching her. So she tears a page of a book? Whatever. She throws my shoes down. So? Its fun. I love that shes quite strong-willed. The joke between Adichie and her husband whom, to her intense annoyance, their daughter looks much more like is that her character cleaves to the maternal side. He says to me, Well, at least we know where she got her personality from. Shes quite fierce.

In the new book, Adichies advice is not only to provide children with alternatives to empower boys and girls to understand there is no single way to be but also to understand that the only universal in this world is difference. In terms of the evolution of feminism, these are not new lessons, but that is rather Adichies point. She is not writing for other feminist writers, and shows some frustration at what she sees as the solipsism of much feminist debate.

That morning, on the way to see her, I had read a review of a new book by Jessa Crispin, entitled Why I Am Not A Feminist: A Feminist Manifesto, a critique of everything that is wrong with feminism today. If one can get over the eye-rolling aspect of books by feminists decrying the feminism of other feminists for degrading the word feminist by being insufficiently feminist, the book does raise questions about where one should be focusing ones efforts.

Fashion blogger Chiara Ferragni wears Adichies Dior T-shirt during Paris fashion week, January 2017. Photograph: Edward Berthelot/Getty Images

The proposition is that feminism has become so mainstream as to be an empty marketing tool, a mere slogan on a bag or a T-shirt. Without being named, Adichie is implicated in this critique, given that last year she collaborated with Christian Dior on a T-shirt bearing the line We Should All Be Feminists; depending on ones view, this is either a perfect example of pointless sloganeering or a brilliant piece of preaching to the unconverted.

Im already irritated, Adichie says. This idea of feminism as a party to which only a select few people get to come: this is why so many women, particularly women of colour, feel alienated from mainstream western academic feminism. Because, dont we want it to be mainstream? For me, feminism is a movement for which the end goal is to make itself no longer needed. I think academic feminism is interesting in that it can give a language to things, but Im not terribly interested in debating terms. I want peoples marriages to change for the better. I want women to walk into job interviews and be treated the same way as somebody who has a penis.

Still, one can see a theoretical obscenity about the Dior collaboration: the words of a movement that should be concerned with helping low-income women, used to promote and make money for a wealthy company. On the other hand: what is the damage?

Yes: whats the damage? Adichie says. I would even argue about the theoretically obscene. Theres a kind of self-righteousness to the ultra-left that is hard for me to stomach. Its approach to poverty can sometimes border on condescension. I often think that people who write a lot about poverty need to go and spend more time with poor people. I think about Nigerian women who can hardly afford anything but who love fashion. They have no money, but they work it.

Adichie mentions a TV soap opera that used to run in Nigeria called The Rich Also Cry, a terrible drama series, she says, that was very popular. But sometimes I think about that title. So, the creative director of Christian Dior is obviously a woman of some privilege. But does it then mean that she doesnt have gender-based problems in her life? Because she does. Does it mean she doesnt have this magnificent rage about gender injustice? Because she does. Wanting to use that slogan was it going to make the world a better place? No. But I think theres a level of consciousness-raising and a level of subversion that I like.

She doesnt believe it was a cynical marketing ploy? No. Sorry. Feminism is not that hot. I can tell you I would sell more books in Nigeria if I stopped and said Im no longer a feminist. I would have a stronger following, I would make more money. So when people say, Oh, feminisms a marketing ploy, it makes me laugh.

The bigger issue here is one of range. Adichies irritation with aspects of what she thinks of as professional feminism is that it runs counter to her ideas as a writer: that people contain multitudes. She is a brilliant novelist and a serious thinker, and she is also someone who makes no apology for her own trivial interests. Life doesnt always follow ideology, she says. You might believe in certain things and life gets in and things just become messy. You know? I think thats the space that fiction, and having a bit more of an imaginative approach, makes. And that the feminist speaking circuit doesnt really make room for.

There is much in the new book about double standards, including those governing the images of motherhood and fatherhood. I think we need to stop giving men cookies for doing what they should do, she says, and goes on to explain that her husband, who needs less sleep than her, tends to get up in the night to tend to the baby. On the one hand, I realise that my husband is unusual; on the other, I feel resentful when hes overpraised by my family and friends. Hes like Jesus.

He probably senses shes about to go off the deep end, I suggest, and Adichie smiles to acknowledge how impossible she is. I did all the physical work to produce her! Theres something fundamentally wrong with the way weve constructed what it means to be female in the world.

Photograph: Stephen Voss for the Guardian

This is something she writes about in a lovely passage of the new book about hair. As a child, Adichie and her sisters and every other girl she knew were routinely tortured with a metal comb to subdue their hair, something her brothers were spared. Im glad I wrote that, Adichie says. We had just come back from Lagos and my sister, God bless her, had already had a talk with me about my daughters hair. She said, You need to do something about it. With my family, theres an eye-roll and a here-we-go-again with her, and she said to me, Do you want me to send you a set of combs? And I was like, No, thank you. And I know its going to keep happening. But, no, Im not going to conform in that way. Im not going to have my child go through pain because society expects a certain neatness. It happened to me, its not going to happen to her. And Im ready to have all the battles I need to have.

The original letter on which Dear Ijeawele is based has been shared on Facebook, and while Adichie was in Lagos, a woman whod read it approached her in a shop and said, Heres my daughter, look at her hair. She had very loose cornrows that were not neat according to Nigerians. And she said, You inspired that. My daughter is happier, Im happier. And do you know, it was the highlight of my month.

This is not just a question of image. It is also about time. Women have less time than men, in almost every arena, because their responsibilities to look or act a certain way are more onerous.

It is one of Adichies bugbears that as someone who loves fashion, she is by default not taken seriously. When Boots approached her to be the face of its No7 makeup range, she said yes, because she thought it might be fun; in the end, she says, it became vaguely alarming. I have no regrets, but you wake up one day and think, what the hell have I done? There were too many of these pictures everywhere. Her point, however, is that its not that Im a feminist and made a strategic choice to speak about makeup and fashion. Its that I was raised by Grace Adichie in a culture in which you care about how you look. Its a part of me I once hid, because I felt that I had to to be serious. Now, Im just being who I am.

Recently, Adichies identity has been tested in new ways. I wonder if she is less affected by President Trump than an American, on the basis that she is less invested in the American story. Quite the opposite, she says. Because theres a part of me that needs a country I can think of as being one that largely works. Which is not a luxury that Nigeria can have. She laughs.

Someone said to me, Now that this is happening in the US, do you think of moving back to Nigeria? And I thought, no, because its not any better there. I admire America. I dont think of myself as American Im not. So its not mine. But I admire it, and so theres a sense that this thing I built in my head, its been destroyed.

There is also, she says, something familiar about it all. American democracy has never been tested. You might have disagreed ideologically with George W Bush, but he still kind of followed the rules. Here, it feels like Nigeria. It really does. Its that feeling of political uncertainty that Im very familiar with, but not a feeling I like. Its ugly. But even worse, because America is so powerful, and so much at the centre of the world, these things have consequences for everyone. Nigeria doesnt have that kind of reach, so our problems remain our problems.

In January, Adichie and her husband joined the Womens March in DC. It was fleeting, and symbolic, she says, but it gave me the smallest slice of hope. There are all of these people who seem to realise that America has changed by electing an unhinged person. On the other hand, theres a part of me thats very sceptical of too much sentimentality. I hope it translates into people organising and going out to vote.

Long before talk about piercing the filter bubble, Adichie instinctively subscribed to rightwing blogs and newsletters. She was an early watcher of Fox News, until it became too unhinged and ridiculous. But she has carried on, because Im interested in ideological concerns and how people differ, and how we should build a society. Whats a welfare state? People who have less, are we responsible for them? I think we are. And I think I can make a selfish case, which is apparently what appeals to people on the right. People on the left say we should do it because we should be kind. And people on the right think, Excuse me? But if you say to them, If these people dont get healthcare, they will go to the ER and your tax dollars will pay for it, suddenly they sit up.

Adichie with her husband, Ivara Esege. Photograph: DDAA/ZOB/Daniel Deme/WENN

As a result of her reading, rightwing ideology is not something I think is evil, she says. Some. A bit. But, in general, I dont. I have friends who are good, kind people who are on the right. But Donald Trump is an exception. Its not an objection to a conservative, because I dont even think hes a conservative. My objection is an objection to chaos. Each time I turn on the news, Im holding my breath.

Trumps erosion of language is one of the most frightening things about him, but even progressives, Adichie says, can be sloppy on this front. In response to her new book, a reporter emailed her the question: Why not humanism? (instead of feminism). To which, she says, I thought, what part of the fucking book did this person not read?

Its like the people who go around saying All Lives Matter, I say, in response to the Black Lives Matter movement. Right, which I find deeply offensive and very dishonest. Because we have to name something in order to fix it, which is why I insist on the word feminist or feminism.

This, she says, in spite of the fact that many of her friends, particularly black women, resist that word, because the history of feminism has been very white and has assumed women meant white women. Political discussion in this country still does that. Theyll say, Women voted for… and then, Black people voted for… And I think: Im black and a woman, so where do I fit in here?

As a result, Many of my friends who are not white will say, Im an intersectional feminist, or Im a womanist. And I have trouble with that word, because it has undertones of femininity as this mystical goddess-mother thing, which makes me uncomfortable. So we need a word. And my hope is we use feminism often enough that it starts to lose all the stigma and becomes this inclusive, diverse thing.

This is her goal and her defence, although she still doesnt see why she needs one. Her understanding of feminism is intertwined with her understanding that we all want to be more than one thing. And anyway, she repeats, Can people please stop telling me that feminism is hot? Because its not. Adichie looks magnificently annoyed. Honestly.

Beware feminism lite: an extract from Chimamanda Ngozi Adichies letter-turned-book, Dear Ijeawele

Be a full person. Motherhood is a glorious gift, but do not define yourself solely by it. You dont even have to love your job; you can merely love the confidence and self-fulfilment that come with doing and earning. Please reject the idea that motherhood and work are mutually exclusive. Our mothers worked full-time while we were growing up, and we turned out well at least you did; the jury is still out on me.

In these coming weeks of early motherhood, be kind to yourself. Ask for help. Expect to be helped. There is no such thing as a Superwoman. Parenting is about practice and love.

Give yourself room to fail. A new mother does not necessarily know how to calm a crying baby. Read books, look things up on the internet, ask older parents, or just use trial and error. But, above all, take time for yourself. Nurture your own needs.

I have no interest in the debate about women doing it all, because it is a debate that assumes that caregiving and domestic work are singularly female domains, an idea that I strongly reject. Domestic work and caregiving should be gender-neutral, and we should be asking not whether a woman can do it all, but how best to support parents in their dual duties at work and at home.

Photograph: Stephen Voss for the Guardian

Beware the danger of what I call Feminism Lite; the idea of conditional female equality. Being a feminist is like being pregnant. You either are or you are not. You either believe in the full equality of men and women, or you do not.

Teach your daughter to question language. A friend of mine says she will never call her daughter princess. The word is loaded with assumptions, of a girls delicacy, of the prince who will come to save her. This friend prefers angel and star. So decide the things you will not say to your child. You know that Igbo joke, used to tease girls who are being childish What are you doing? Dont you know you are old enough to find a husband? I used to say that often. But now I choose not to. I say, You are old enough to find a job. Because I do not believe that marriage is something we should teach young girls to aspire to.

Try not to use words like misogyny and patriarchy. We feminists can sometimes be too jargony. Teach her that if you criticise X in women but do not criticise X in men, you do not have a problem with X, you have a problem with women. For X please insert words like anger, ambition, loudness, stubbornness, coldness, ruthlessness.

Do you remember how we laughed and laughed at an atrociously written piece about me some years ago? The writer had accused me of being angry, as though being angry were something to be ashamed of. Of course I am angry. I am angry about racism. I am angry about sexism. But I recently came to the realisation that I am angrier about sexism than I am about racism. Because in my anger about sexism, I often feel lonely. Because I love, and live among, many people who easily acknowledge race injustice but not gender injustice.

Teach your daughter to question men who can have empathy for women only if they see them as relational rather than as individual equal humans. Men who, when discussing rape, will say something like, If it were my daughter or wife or sister. Yet such men do not need to imagine a male victim of crime as a brother or son in order to feel empathy.

Teach her, too, to question the idea of women as a special species. I once heard an American politician, in his bid to show his support for women, speak of how women should be revered and championed a sentiment that is all too common. Tell her that women dont need to be championed and revered; they just need to be treated as equal human beings.

This is a condensed and edited extract from Dear Ijeawele, Or A Feminist Manifesto In Fifteen Suggestions, by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie, published on Tuesday by Fourth Estate at 10. To order a copy for 8.50, go to bookshop.theguardian.com

This article was amended on 4 March 2017. It originally referred to Lagos as Nigerias capital. This has now been corrected.

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from Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie: ‘Can people please stop telling me feminism is hot?’