#sorry for the rambling prolly gonna delete later im just tired and cant stop thinking about it cause yknow | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

punkindness · 6 months

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long rambling personal about chronic pain under the cut

on thursday's pt session they were having me work with someone different cause my usual was taking time off. he asked if anywhere hurt more during an exercise and i said my knees and he got all serious and had me do a thumb hypermobility stretch and asked if eds runs in my family, if i experience any other joint pain and for how long. i told him 'uh idk' and 'yes all over' and 'as long as i can remember but it's gotten really bad in recent years and i also have nerve pain' and then we just kinda looked at each other. and then he was like '...alright keep going with the exercise, i'm thinking' and at the end when he said goodbye he seemed like sad or guilty and opened the door for me and i didn't realize why at the time because the session had been harder than any of the others but not like insane but OH MY FUCKING GOD has my pain been bad this weekend. it's times like these that i'm glad i live with my family.

and also. i researched eds in more depth and. it's fucking uncanny. how the hell did this not come up when i was researching before because it is like exact and touches on some symptoms i hadn't even considered to be related to my pain. if it's not heds it's probably hsd i guess?? which is

#i was really weirdly happy at first when everything but the skin stuff was accurate to my symptoms #just cause for so long i've thought my pain was all in my head that i was going crazy #after the lower back xray and the arthritis blood tests came back normal i didn't know what else to think #so suddenly being able to find a community of people who are experiencing the same kind of symptoms and pain #and sharing tips for how to get through it? it's so cool!#but that sort of honeymoon phase in regards to it only lasted a day or so because this flare up is fuckin rough #now i'm mostly trying not to be worried about my abormally high heart rate #and trying not to give in to the allure of screens when i inevitably wake up in pain in the middle of the night #(i obviously broke tonight lol)#personal #vent #also the timing of this was insane because i made a friend with eds a few weeks ago and even did a quick google #afterwards cause we are both so similar that maybe our joint pain also has the same cause?#but i didn't even let myself get past the words “hypermobility” before exiting out because i've never considered myself to be flexible #if i had even kept scrolling for 10 more seconds i would have seen the line up of symptoms that almost completely matches mine lol #sorry for the rambling prolly gonna delete later im just tired and cant stop thinking about it cause yknow #pain

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