#sorry i didnt even scroll past lesbians

[grimescum]

im in the mood to yap so i chose to yap about hellsing ships. i dont partake in shipping usually but i still find them interesting to think abt

all of this is my opinion!!! i dont hate u at all if u ship anything i happen to not like or agree with. if you dont want 2 see someone being judgemental about something u enjoy (understandably so) feel free 2 scroll past

also no being annoying. questions and comments r fine but anything else jsut shut up

ALUCARD X INTEGRA 10/10

goated. there will never be anything better than girlboss x malewife im sorry

though i'll say i dislike the interpretation of integra where they tone down how badass and stoic she is just to make her. like. a little bit tsundere. u cant make the gnc couple gc like that fucka you

ALUCARD X SERAS 5/10

SERAS X PIP 10/10

silly guy x silly girl will never not solo, especially when fucked up angst and cannibalism imagery is involved. heavily tied with alutegra for me

SERAS X INTEGRA 10/10

CUTE!!!! i dont see any fanart of this ship that i dont like. lesbians know what theyre doing and they do it well

don't take my lack of input as me disliking it or anything i just ship to project

ANDERSON X INTEGRA 8/10

cutie...... i see anderson as a big softie even if he's fucking crazy and scary and i greatly enjoy softie guy x serious gal. i dont see much angst potential though unless u bring alucard into the mix and make him jealpus as fuck

i also think the idea of alucard's master cucking him with his own arch enemy is hilarious so it gets a bonus point for that

ANDERSON X ALUCARD 7/10

love the rivalry, love the enemies to lovers, hate how often alucard is twinkified as if he isnt built like a pot of spaghetti. my biggest pet peeve is when people prettify characters and i happen to see this a lot w the content of it i stumble across

if someone makes alucard just as fucking wank looking as he is in canon i will gladly bring this up to a 9 or 10/10. stop being pussies u guys

WALTER X SERAS 6/10

read a very cute fluffy fanfic on this once!! i'm a little mixed about age gaps but as long as the younger one is a consenting adult i see no reason to freak out

good potential for angst with the age gap considered, though i dont think walter would date someone *that* much younger than him for the same reason. i think they'd be very sweet regardless of if they're friends or not

i have father issues so this ship will be getting an extra point

okay, this one i admit can be cute? i quite enjoy the silly normal girl x scary traumatized guy dynamic, but i personally dont like how sexualized a lot of the fanart is, or how they tend to baby-ify seras as if she didnt cannibalize a man. not much flavor here in my opinion. ive never been a fan of heavily heteronormative ships

ENRICO X INTEGRA 4/10

WALTER X INTEGRA 5/10

love the girlboss x devoted malewife dynamic, dislike how the little content i've seen of it comes across as creepy imo. i can def see there being jealousy with how alucard is essentially integra's dog and gets all the attention while walter is just the butler... i dunno

more old men need to get bossed on girlstyle but alucard x integra still does this better i think

WALTER X ALUCARD 5/10

the jealousy to lovers pipeline never made sense to me as a jealous bitch myself but i suppose i can kinda see it since jealousy is not far from admiration... very interesting in the angst department, but i cant imagine how any romantic interactions with them would be like aside from light playful banter

as long as its not baby walter then i'm fine with it (girlycard x 14 y/o walter is 0/10 booo booo tomato tomato)

ive only seen this ship once, i can only assume its appeal comes from hot lady integra beating the shit out of enrico's annoying ass

snarky x serious is a very good trope but unfortunately i think alucard x integra does this better, AND with a romantic aspect that i can see. enrico also annoys me

JAN X LUKE 0/10

DOC X THE MAJOR ?/10

i love the silly dynamic but because i dont feel much for either of the characters i really cant say

WALTER X RIP ?/10

CUTE!!! LOVE LOVE LOVE the crazy girl x normal(?) guy trope, i tried 2 do that with my oc claudine actually!!

i dont dislike anything abt this ship i just wish there was more canon substance

ALUCARD X THE QUEEN OF ENGLAND 5 billion/10

i think its funny and also i enjoy their canon interactions... the 5 billion is mostly satire i'd put this along with the other ?/10 ships

ALUCARD X MINA ?/10

whatever . i see people be very annoying about this ship and i'm aware not everybody is but it just leaves a bad taste in my mouth.. same thing with andercard but the fanbase for it is a lot bigger so i'm more forgiving

i saw this once and i want to be thorough.. um . they are brothers . if thats ur thing then whatever but its not mine

[wretched-fool]

Okay so not to get into discourse, but I’ve been seeing a lot of discussions in the GO community about neil being problematic or even homophobic, and i really just wanted to talk abt it, so if you dont wanna hear about this just scroll past.

So personally when it comes to queer representation in Good Omens, i really do believe it is well written. While I cant speak on the behalf of trans/genderqueer individuals, I, as a lesbian, do feel happy with crowley and aziraphales relatively ambiguous relationship. If you are ace and feel differently, feel free to comment, but as far as i can tell there is not too much problematic about the rep. Now, i will put emphasis on not TOO much.

With Neil being (as far as i know) cishet, i think we automatically can become pretty critical of the way Crowley and Aziraphales characters are represented. A queer relationship written by a cishet creator that just so happens to be ambiguous?? Yeah, that seems pretty fishy. But i think we need to put more emphasis on the fact that he was trying to represent QUEER relationships. Not gay, not even necessarily sexual. Just queer. And i dont think thats a kind of representation we get enough of

A lot of people have argued, for example, that Neil simply didnt have Crowley and Aziraphale have any physical intimacy because, well, they are male (or at least mostly male presenting) leads, but i really just dont think that makes sense if we look at neils other writing.

In American Gods, Gaiman wrote an explicitly sexual relationship between two men, Jinn and Salim. Not only was the relationship explicitly there, there was a god damned sex scene. And it wasnt just a shock factor thing either. To quote the director for the on screen adaptation, the goal was to, “make sure that it was undeniably beautiful for even those who were uncomfortable with same-sex romance.” Knowing this I find it unlikely that neil of all people would simply avoid writing an explicitly gay relationship out of discomfort. In the end, i really do think that neil just wanted to shed light on a different kind of queer relationship. Maybe he sends mixed signals in his tweets, and maybe some of it was poorly executed, but to see a cishet creator actually trying to not only represent, but to UNDERSTAND the queer community really does make me happy.

Another factor we have to weigh in is that, as much as we all hate talking about it, the good omens screen adaptation only had half of the authors. We cant just ignore that Terry Pratchett DID write half of good omens. With his passing, writing an adaptation that was faitful to the book was ESSENTIAL. Small diversions were made, but adding heavy physical intimacy between Crowley and Aziraphale could have easily been deemed disrespectful, and in the end I believe would have just been more problematic.

So yeah, that was my Ted talk. Sorry that i dont know how to put shit under the cut.

[tolivenotonlytoexist-blog]

Answering questions

I have been getting a lot of questions about my poem "Flashbacks" that i posted on here, a little over a week ago. And it got to the point where i was getting the same questions by multiple dofferent people. So i think it would be easier to answer them on a post and everyone can get the questions answered all at once. Or, for the people who didnt ask questions and really dont care, then this is a post you can easily scroll past or send a message telling me to "fuck off" ;)

So the first question i got was: can i relate to this poem?

... no i can not relate to a poem that i wrote myself about my personal experiences. I wrote this heartfelt, bitter, angered, poem about someone ELSE'S LIFE EXPERIENCE BECAUSE I SIMPLY FELT LIKE IT!

Im sorry for the sarcastic and mean answer but that person was a complete snobby jerk the entire conversation and then he had the nerve to curse me out. Like, dude, you came to me! I didnt come to you. Im not holding you hostage via spam mail. Like wtf man?!

2. Okay so 2nd question: was i in this relationship recently?

Yes, this happened in my 10th grade year and ill be going to 11th grade in about a month. And i only found it within myself to break up with him at the end of the year. So, even though it feels longer, it only happened three months ago.

3. This next question was pretty deep and i respect this person immensely: i still have nightmares about what my ex did to me, how do you handle it? How do you stay so strong?

To be honest with you hun, i wasnt always strong. When i first broke up with him, i was extremely isolated because i felt violated, my trust had been stolen, i didnt think anyone around me was trustworthy. I cried and cried and cried. Then i was numb. Then i was angry, i realised it WASNT MY FAULT. That realisation was like a slap to the face. Then i smiled, it was tense at first. Then i laughed. Then i talked. Then i cried. Screamed. I beat the fluff out of my pillow after every nightmare. Then i went out and had fun with friends. I laughed more. Talked more. I still get nightmares, but i know it'll be alright.

And, honestly, the knowledge that i have a chance to break his nose next year and tell him exactly what he did to me, makes me laugh my ass off.

It'll be okay, i promise. PM me if you need anything or anymore advice.

4. This next question is sheer gold: I know you were bisexual for years. But, did this encounter make you go full on Lesbian?

... first, before i answer your question, whats with the word "encounter" like i didnt accidentally date a ghost. Lol, im messing with you man.

But, i did actually go full lesbian for about three weeks. But, i didnt find it fair. Im not going to let him win and ill be damned if he is going to make me cower from men for the rest of my life. If i went full lesbian do you know how much damn hummus i would have to eat, in order to be a real lesbian?! Wayyyyy too much hummus!

5. This is the last question im going to post for now: why did you date the guy for as long as you did?

Good question. Its hard to explain. I didnt really have low self esteem, no more so than any other teen. But, i did have problems, home life problems, social skill problems, and just a bunch of stuff. He made promises. He told me all the right things, at all the right times. I never thought id fall for it but, he made my problems worse. He broke down my self esteem. He made me reliant on him. I was extremely deoressed before i met him, and suicidal but i was getting better, i was healing. Then when he came along, i thought it was the light at the end of the tunnel. When, in reality, it was an explosion waiting to happen. He made it worse, but i didnt want to admit it, so i told myself it was my fault.

Im just glad i see it now.

Okay, well. I love you all. If you have more questions about anything at all, please ask. I love questions.