#sorry late took me forever to replay ch14

[deathberi]

FINAL FANTASY VII REBIRTH (2024) // FINAL FANTASY VII REMAKE (2020)

[chiyalawritesrewind]

Rewind, Chapter 18

Fanfic: [ch1] [ch2] [ch3] [ch4] [ch5] [ch6] [ch7] [ch8] [ch9] [ch10] [ch11] [ch12] [ch13] [ch14] [ch15] [ch16] [ch17] [ch18 on AO3] [ch18 on ffn]

Podfic: [ch1] [ch2] [ch3] [ch4] [ch5] (Rest coming soon)

Pairing: Gratsu - Gray Fullbuster / Natsu Dragneel ; Acnologia / Zeref

Rating: Explicit

Warnings: Major Character Death; Graphic Depiction of Violence

Summary: When a mission turns out to be fatal for one of the team members, Natsu finds himself being given another chance to change the events.

Additional information: weekly updates; every Sunday.

Beta by @serpenttailedangel and @wildrhov <333

Tagging list: @f-r-f-t @truedreamchasing @mushi0131 @eitomagical @thatartcorner @eternalsterekbitches @becausewhenyoupracticeyouimprove @oliversantics @nekodemon73 @moonlustelara @pantykawa (if somebody else wants to be tagged [or not tagged anymore] in the future, please let me know!)

Notes: A whole day in one chapter again, wohooo! The shortest chapter of the whole fic!

Trigger warning for this chapter: Suicide!

This was originally planned as a 'joker chapter' for myself if I ever have a writer's block and don't want to endanger the weekly updates. It somehow evolved into a key chapter plot-wise.

I may sound like Satan if I say 'enjoy', so I'll go ahead and do it: Enjoy!

Day 10

Natsu's eyes opened wide the second he awoke, staring blankly at the white ceiling.

'I killed him.'

He didn't have the energy to scream or cry anymore; he'd done all those things after he'd killed Gray. It was no use. No amount of screaming or crying would erase his guilt.

'I killed the one I love, the one I swore to protect. He said he trusted me. I betrayed his trust.'

Natsu felt despicable. Promising Gray to save his life and then doing the exact opposite. He didn't deserve to live, didn't have the right to see Gray ever again. He was unworthy of Gray's love. Unworthy of living.

This had to end. Anybody else would be better suited for this task.

Natsu turned onto his side, grabbing the diary and a pen. He put the key onto his bedside table. He wouldn't need it anymore.

To Jellal and Ultear,

When you read this, I will be dead. Please respect my last wish: Keep it that way. Overwrite the point of return by another one at around nine. Give the task of saving Gray to somebody else. I killed Gray. I can't do this.

 So this was it. Natsu never would've thought that his life would end like this. He never would've thought he'd one day be responsible for Gray's death. Not only because he'd actively killed him the previous time, but because he hadn't been able to prevent it the other eight times as well. And he wouldn't ever be. He was guilty. He deserved nothing less than death.

Without bothering to get dressed, he opened his window as silently as he could, not wanting to wake Happy. He wandered around barefoot, only in his boxers. It didn't matter. Nothing mattered anymore. His destination was Fairy Hills. There were some high cliffs. One of those would do.

His mind replayed the scene of him pushing Gray into his own sword over and over again until he reached the edge of a cliff that he deemed high enough.

'Sorry, Gray. I know this won't be easy for you, but I hope you'll get over my death eventually. Maybe reading what I've done to you will make it easier. I hope it does. Goodbye, my only love.'

Natsu closed his eyes and took a step forward.

Natsu’s Diary

Day 10

To Jellal and Ultear,

When you read this, I will be dead. Please respect my last wish: Keep it that way. Overwrite the point of return by another one at around nine. Give the task of saving Gray to somebody else. I killed Gray. I can't do this.

 (Author: Gray)

Jellal stormed into the guild hall this morning, forwarding a call from Ultear to me. She was alarmed and told me the whole story, including what happened the previous time. Jellal informed her of what happened, and that it was not your fault.

He said it all happened too fast, you didn't have time to react, let alone stop your momentum. You may have pushed me into a sword, but it wasn't your fucking fault! Judging from what I've heard and read in your diary, I'd rather say it was fated to happen that way from the start.

I'm alive. Yet here I am, sitting next to your dead body. I've been here for some hours already. Both Porlyusica and Wendy tried to bring you back but we found you too late. Laxus tried to restart your heart with electric shocks, but it was useless.

I can barely see anything anymore and my throat is sore. I can't believe you did this. Ultear won't overwrite the point of return. You'll live again, and this time please respect my wish, even if it's not my last one: live on. You may think that you've failed on all fronts and that you're responsible for my death, but you clearly are not a failure, Natsu. You're not! None of this is your fault, I would never blame you no matter how many times it takes or what things you have to do to right this. So just please, live on!

I'm not saying this because I love you and I'm selfish. I'm saying this because you've tried everything to save me, everything you possibly could. You're working your ass off to save me and forgot yourself and your own health over it. I don't know how this could be interpreted as anything else but selflessness. You're not guilty, no matter how you look at it.

As for the accident of the previous time: it was just that, an accident. Realistically, it doesn't change anything. Ultear turned back time, I'm alive again, we get to try to prevent my death on our own. And let me tell you, we will still try. Because if we can prevent it this time, I'll write the solution into your diary and you'll see it once the day starts anew. You would be liberated from your grim but selfless duty. That's what I want the most: for your suffering to end.

And NOT by you committing suicide!

I beg you, don't kill yourself again. Do it for me. I know you're already doing everything for me... but, please. Don't throw away your life. It's precious, not only to you, but to everyone around you as well. You'd leave a gaping hole behind in the hearts of our friends, our family. Don't do this to us, please. Let me be your reason to live.

I believe in you, and I always have. The prophecy says that you have to save me, that you have to form a bond with me. I read that we considered marriage as an option. I read that I declined the idea and that you accepted my boundaries. But right now, I think that I was an idiot. I'd rather marry you right away than lose you forever. You've clearly lost all hope, and I want nothing more than to give it back to you.

I love you so much, I don't know what to do with myself.

Life without you will be possible... but it's pointless. This grief, sitting here next to your cold body, is so horrible, it makes me almost glad that this day will be rewritten and forgotten, even though it likely means I'll die. It makes me not even care about that, because I can't imagine living into tomorrow without you here. I hope I completely forget this pain, as well as the memories of seeing the tears on the faces of all our friends.

It should be YOU forced to see them, Natsu. You! If only so you'd realize how precious you are to all of us... and to me.

So please... God, please don't make me go through this again.

I honestly don't know what else I can say or do for you but this: beg you to be strong, to keep working hard, even if that's greedy of me. Please keep fighting, Natsu. Please don't let me be the reason you give up on life again.

 (Author: Lucy)

I'm so sorry, but we couldn't save Gray's life. Freed set up a rune shield all around us, preventing outsiders from manipulating Gray in any way. Laxus sent electric shocks right to his heart that weren't strong enough to kill him but strong enough to confuse his heart to a point where it would lose its rhythm. Porlyusica and Wendy were here all the while, supervising the whole thing. It didn't work.

Gray didn't fully let it on in his text just how devastated he actually was. He went on a rampage. It took Erza, Freed, Laxus, Mirajane, and me to stop him. Don't do this to him again. Don't do this to all of us. We love you. We'll help you get over your trauma. We'll always be there for you. But right now, we have no other choice than to put our faith in you. Please save Gray. And please let yourself be saved by us.

Mirajane’s Notes

Day 10

Natsu apparently caused Gray's death the previous time according to Ultear (Gray's using a communication lacrima to talk to her). We'll go check on Natsu now. If I don't add anything after this, something must have gone terribly wrong.

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