#sorry theron its a rough world out there buddy

[tiredassmage]

the nathema conspiracy.meme

[chubbyooo]

The Road to Redemption - A Blurred Lines Spinoff Chapter 5: Forgiveness

hey all this was a fun one to write :D

Senya awakes and has a confrontation with Kyradia as Kavaraa does her best to help Arcann and herself

Kyradia’s fist made a resounding crack as it impacted with Saresh’s face how dare she try to take what Kyradia built, she had every intention of killing her but she wanted her to rot in a cell first

Saresh reeled back “I’ll take that as a yes it doesn’t matter the alliance needs a leader like me” Kyradia sneered did she really want to get hit again “I saw an opportunity and I took it I won’t apologize” Kyradia couldn’t help herself smacking her again with the back of her hand

Lana scowled “we are way beyond apologies” she bent down continuing to scowl at the former chancellor

Theron folded his arms “what do we do with her” this whole experience had renewed Kyradia’s faith in him having them both be gunning for Saresh’s demise the entire time

Saresh scowled back “execution I expect, it’s what Vaylin would do it’s what I would do” Kyradia couldn’t help but smile at the simple idea

Kyradia walked up to Saresh “such a simple form of revenge Saresh you know a more drawn out revenge is always more satisfying you’re going to rot in a Alliance prison well before you die” Kyradia bent down and growled at the former chancellor “and I’ll be there every step of the way” she gave Saresh a swift kick to the stomach and let the guards take her away

Lana folded her arms “Empress Acina is waiting for your call in the war room” Kyradia nodded best get to it…

The call had gone fine it seemed as though they had some new allies Lana spoke up “finally we seem to not be alone in this war, Saresh has been transferred to the prison but while there it seemed as if Senya has woken up” Kyradia felt herself twitch as she heard the name, she’d put Arcann and the Basen’thor to the back of her mind to avoid boiling over

Kyradia clenched her fists “good, I think it’s about time I paid her a visit” Kyradia quickly strode towards the prison she wanted to let her know she’d failed

Soon they let her into the room where Senya sat in the corner quietly humming, after a second she looked up “ah is it time for your revenge then?” she was surprisingly calm considering Kyradia had nearly killed her last time

Kyradia seethed “I just came here to tell you that you failed” Senya nodded still calm this wasn’t what Kyradia was expecting at all

She sighed “maybe you’re right only time will tell but I sense a change in him” Kyradia felt her repressed anger boiling up

Kyradia walked up to her “your faith will betray you, you've only created another problem for the alliance I hope you’re proud” Senya frowned at her finally giving a reaction

Senya stood up “of course I’m proud Kyradia I tried to save my son I know it wasn’t the most ‘strategic move’ but I’m not going to apologize for having a heart even if it kills me” Kyradia gritted her teeth she knew she couldn’t kill her yet not while Arcann still lived

Kyradia growled at her “people don’t change Senya! You can’t make some great gesture and suddenly they’re all better even if he believes he’s ‘getting better’ he will fall back down we all do sooner or later and return to his old ways” Senya gave no sign of emotion as she listened to Kyradia

She sighed “are you really so disillusioned with the world Kyradia, I suppose you wouldn’t understand change every choice in your life has been made for you” Kyradia felt her twinge of anger boil over as she pushed Senya up against the wall

She shouted “how dare you! I took control of my destiny a long time ago I’ve earned everything I got and no one can take that away from me” Senya shook her head as she struggled

She sighed “no don’t you see Kyradia it’s all just part of Valkorions plan, I know you went through his sith academy you are who you are because of him” Kyradia had heard the same words from Valkorion for years

She threw Senya across the room “you don’t know a THING about me you don’t know how I’ve suffered or what it’s like to be me and you certainly don’t understand what I’m willing to do to stop him” she bore down on Senya her anger in full force

Senya looked a little more frightened now “I do know that someone hurt you, it was bad and you’ve never gotten over it” Kyradia stopped some of her anger melting away “I knew it from when I first saw you, you have the same look Vaylin has someone took you and twisted you and that part of you is begging to get out behind all the anger” Kyradia felt herself begin to breath heavily how could she know?

She was frozen for a few seconds before she lifted Senya up the anger returning “you want to know the difference between me and Vaylin I didn’t let it rule me” Senya just shook her head causing Kyradia’s anger to spike “and I don’t have any foolish people trying to save what can’t be saved!” Senya’s frown turned angrier 

She shook her head ��you would understand if you had children” Kyradia gritted her teeth a headache beginning to brew from that comment

She closed her eyes for a second “then I guess I’ll never understand traitor” she stormed out of the room before Senya could get another word in, how could she have let Senya get to her like that and why did she see through her. Kyradia took a shaky breath before heading back to the war room her anger renewed, she was going to end this war soon…

Kavaraa was watching as Arcann tried to calm a Blerg, it had been a week or so since they arrived at Master Syo’s ranch and things were progressing slowly Arcann was getting easily frustrated but keeping at it. Arcann was trying to get onto the Blerg when it suddenly lost its calm sensibility and bucked him off towards Kavaraa, he landed in the mud next to her and she helped him up.

Kavaraa smiled “hey buddy rough ride?” Arcann was not amused as she helped him up wiping the mud off his face

Arcann sighed “I don’t understand what this has to do with anything!” he was clearly frustrated but still willing to try

Master Syo made his way over “it’s as I said Arcann to calm and animal you yourself must be perfectly calm you musn’t let your grief or regret break that, did it break through?” Kavaraa had actually learnt this lesson from Master Syo when she was training however it was less about grief and more about controlling excitement. Master Yuon and Master Syo had worked together frequently to control Kavaraa’s excitement and rather extreme emotions to teach her to control them but also not lose them.

Arcann reluctantly nodded “yes I did have a moment you’re right but the problem is I’m getting in my own head about it, telling myself not to think about it make me think about it” Master Syo nodded clearly understanding Arcann’s plight

Master Syo smiled “yes once you start thinking that you’ve already lost just try to think of nothing or, something that calms you” he puts a hand on Arcanns shoulder “do you have a moment like that

Arcann nodded “I’m playing with training sticks in the field with… Thexan” he took a long pause

Kavaraa stepped in “Ok maybe not the best example think of something a little less implicating” Arcann nodded trying to think of something else

Master Syo nodded “let’s take a five minute break so you can center yourself” Arcann nodded as Master Syo walked back to the ranch

Kavaraa reassured him “you know this stuff isn’t easy I think you’re doing really well so far” Arcann smiled nodding to himself

Arcann sighed “I know I’m just a little impatient while we’re here Vaylin is out doing the force knows what, I get I need to take the time otherwise the whole process is pointless but it’s just hard at times” Kavaraa nodded she was a little worried too she hadn't heard from Theron in a little bit

Kavaraa smiled “it’s bound to be Arcann but it’s about getting back up when we fall off the Blerg right?” Arcann nodded the metaphor wasn’t perfect but Kavaraa was doing her best

Arcann looked away “thank you Kavaraa I appreciate all you’ve done for me, I’m going to go to the workshop to calm myself” Kavaraa nodded she noticed he’d been spending a lot of time in there

Kavaraa decided to take a walk behind the ranch to the caves, she needed to find her own center, the more time she stayed here the more worried she became about her actions. She had no idea if Nox would ever allow her back into the alliance let alone Arcann and she worried for Senya every day she was incarcerated. But there was really nothing she could do, she was sticking by her code and she could at least be proud of that even if it was getting her into trouble, still it had gotten Theron into trouble. She didn’t know what she’d do if anything happened to Theron she had to tell him how she felt soon before it was too late. 

She made her way into the cave illuminated with black and white crystals giving off all manner of glowing colours but in the center of the cave she noticed a blue figure. 

As she got closer she recognised the form of her first master Yuon Par she gasped “M-master Yuon how are you here I mean I’ve only read about such things in holocrons but to actually see it I mean amazing” Master Yuon looked as surprised as her

She let out a laugh “Hello Vary I wasn’t expecting you to come and see me” wow she had not heard that nickname in years

Kavaraa was bewildered “I uh wasn’t either what are you doing here?” she hadn’t seen Master Yuon since the brothers attacked she shivered realising what this looked like

Master Yuon smiled “Syo finds it hard to be all alone so sometimes I visit him to help him” Kavaraa sat down next to her not exactly sure what to do

Kavaraa had a million things to say but she had to say something first “I’m so sorry Master Yuon, I uh I let you down” Master Yuon frowned at her as Kavaraa didn't make eye contact

She responded “whatever do you mean Vary what do you have to be sorry for?” Kavaraa didn’t even know how to say it and now she was helping one of the brothers who attacked Tython

Kavaraa swallowed “I wasn’t there on Tython when you were… killed I should’ve been there I was too busy on my stupid quest for artefacts and catching Nox” Master Yuon shook her head as Kavaraa shrunk down

She scoffed “and what you think you could’ve saved me from 30ft worth of rubble” Kavaraa remembered when she had uncovered the body she’d cried for a good hour and then again at the funeral

Kavaraa felt her eyes well up “I dunno maybe I could’ve helped I just I should’ve been there I let you down” Master Yuon turned to her a bright smile on her face

She put a hand on Kavaraa’s face although she couldn’t feel it “Now Vary you could never let me down you exceeded my greatest expectations and I’m so proud of you” Kavaraa smiled but she still felt bad “and besides we all had a role to play in that war I’ve played mine so you can play yours and it seems like you have your hands full” Kavaraa felt tears begin to stream down her face why was she so easy to make cry?

She wiped her eyes “I uh yeah I do, you don’t mind I’m helping Arcann then even after the attack?” Master Yuon shook her head

Master Yuon smiled “don’t be silly Vary I don’t hold a grudge how could I, I just want to make sure you’re ok”

Kavaraa tried to keep her cool “I uh I feel like I messed it all up, I feel like I’m betraying everyone by doing this” she tried her best to wipe her eyes again

Master Yuon comforted her “hey hey come on Kavaraa you’re doing it because you know it’s the right thing to do and if I know anything about you it’s that you’re stubborn” Kavaraa chuckled wiping the last of her tears away “do you remember what you said to me on the first trip to the to Tython” Kavaraa shook her head that was so long ago

Master Yuon smiled “you insisted on being my co-pilot in case anything went wrong” Kavaraa laughed had she really done that “you didn’t even know how to fly” Kavaraa smiled that had cheered her up. “Point is I learned a long time ago if you want to do something you’re going to and you usually will be doing it for the right reasons” Kavaraa nodded she guessed that was true

Kavaraa smiled “thanks Master I really needed that” Master Yuon smiled back clearly happy to help

She chuckled “I think the force did this on purpose” Kavaraa laughed she hoped so “hey where's your lightsaber?” Kavaraa was surprised by the question 

Kavaraa stammered “oh well I uh well when I went to save Nox I was captured and Vaylin took it, I kinda don’t have one since i’m not really a Jedi at the moment” Master Yuon frowned at her

She questioned “just because you don’t follow the code to the letter doesn’t mean you’re not a Jedi it just means you’re one of the good ones” Kavaraa laughed Yuon had never been very traditional “either way I think I’d feel safer for you if you had one” Kavaraa nodded 

She frowned “but how can I build one I don’t exact…” she trailed off looking around the room “oh right the crystals” Master Yuon laughed 

She nodded “choose one, I think Syo has some parts in his workshop” Kavaraa nodded looking around the cave, she decided to choose through the force she closed her eyes and reached out. She could feel the difference between them but after a minute or so she found one that resonated with her and used the force to pull it out of the ground, when she opened her eyes she saw a black crystal with a distinct pink glow.

She was surprised by the colour “oh wow I’m not sure this gives the right message” she didn’t know what that message was

Master Yuon shook her head “I think it does it says you’re more level headed but don’t forget about your emotions” Kavaraa guessed that made sense, she held the crystal in her hand yeah maybe this would work

Kavaraa smiled at her master “thanks Master Yuon, for everything” Yuon nodded before her form dissipated leaving Kavaraa feeling newly invigorated and ready to help Arcann...

[sid71blog]

Some upcoming films:

Apples are not the only fruit. I think that tomatoes are too, but I'm not sure; I'll look it up.

  Swirly Fortescue (Bobby Ball) is an ageing gay fella living in San Francisco with his younger lover Busty Hamilton (Dean Gaffney). The local government has decided to bulldoze the entire area that these two live in so that a lucrative bingo and whist drive hall can be built, and, due to Swirly having bet all their savings on Sunderland staying in the Premier League, they are totally skint, and have no choice but to move in with Busty’s homophobic, beer-swilling older brother Bruck (John Goodman). What follows is a moving look at the breaking down of barriers and prejudices, as Bruck slowly begins to appreciate musicals, John Barrowman, washing his pits and genitals EVERY day, and arty black and white posters of blokes with their big cocks out dotted all over the walls of his home, whilst simultaneously teaching them about indoor plumbing (not a euphemism), the correct belt fitting on your jeans so that just the right amount of bum-cleavage shows on the building site when you bend over, and farting into your mate’s pint in the pub when he goes for a shit.

  No-one came back alive; not even me.

  Drudge Hanktankerson (Clint Eastwood), is an old-timey sort living in a retirement home in California. Over time this cantankerous old codger befriends the young nurse L’il Sue Sugarstick (you won’t know her; crackin’ tits though), and eventually he begins to regale her with the harrowing tales of his time during World War Two. You will cry with her as he tells of his eighteen year old friend Brank Guthammmer dying screaming alone in a shell-hole, after a Stuka blows both his earlobes off; you will laugh as Drudge regales her with lighter battlefield moments, such as the time the lads painted a hand-grenade to look like a tin of Skol, and gave it to “Simple Dave” to pull the ring-pull; you will cry again as the lads bury Simple Dave ten minutes later; and you will have uncomfortable feelings, and mutter “this bit’s shit” to your girlfriend, during the bit where the young soldiers skinny dip in a French river.  

  Cropper.

  In this long-overdue Hollywood blockbuster based on the Coronation Street character, Channing Tatum is Roy Cropper, a man slightly flustered one reasonably busy Tuesday afternoon, when a minibus full of pensioners stops by and cleans him out of baps. In a performance already creating a strong Oscar buzz, Channing displays the full gamut of Roy’s emotional range, as we watch him ring Rita (Meryl Streep) to see if she has any baps in stock, and ask Gemma (Elizabeth Hurley) to mind the shop for a bit while he nips to the Cash and Carry. 

  Deaded to Death.

   Steven Segal (no way!) is Bronson Masticator, a retired UFC bigbone-weight world champion, down on his luck after gambling and drinking away all of his fortune. He now ekes out a living as a human panda in a shit zoo in the rough part of a rough town in a rough, intentionally vague South American country. He also bounces for a share of the tips and all the Fray Bentos pies he can eat at a local titty bar, run by the shady gangster Fuego “the castrator” Del Monte. One night Bronson witnesses a couple of Fuego’s heavies manhandling Paula Shane, the massively-popular drag tribute to Hi-de-Hi actor Paul Shane, currently on a massive stadium tour of South America, into the back of the club. Upon waking up the next morning in his rusty old caravan, he turns on his cracked old black and white television to see that the news is devoted to a $50 million ransom demanded for the return of Paula, and he must decide whether to do the right thing and take on his boss and assorted henchmen and free Paula, or keep his mouth shut and keep the Fray Bentos flowing.

  Paedon't you want Me?

   Gareth Possibly is a shy, thirty-four year old hamster-herder from Wolverhampton, who forms an attachment to Samantha Alannsuger, who moves in next door with her mother. A sweet bond unfolds between the pair of them over one long, hot summer, with Gareth slowly emerging from his brittle shell in the company of this talkative giggler, but complications inevitably set in as feelings go unreciprocated, and the nursery threaten to call the authorities if he doesn’t back off.

  Blood of the Chaffinch.

   Even eighteen year olds are advised to watch this accompanied by an older adult, so frightening is it rumoured to be. In Argentina forty two women fainted just upon seeing a badly-bootlegged t-shirt bearing the lead chaffinch hanging on a washing line, and at the premiere in Los Angeles one woman went into labour in the cinema, despite not being pregnant when the film started. The baby came out covered in BLOOD. Due to these haunting stories, the film has gained notoriety even before its world-wide release, and many reckon that it will do for chaffinches what Jaws did for Great Whites.   

  Cold cold Heart.  

   This Inuit romance wowed the critics at the inaugural Macduff film festival, causing many of the film critics to pretend to shed a manly tear, in the hope of a sympathy tug in the bogs afterwards.  Wee Beely Johnson is a lonely Inuit igloo salesman, doomed to a solitary life spent ploughing the snowwoman he has built most nights, or trying to convince himself that the three month old seal carcass in his front room is a comely mermaid. One night he finds a woman trapped by her leg in a bear trap he has set, and as she slowly recuperates in his igloo conservatory, feelings grow. It takes him four hours to feel his way through all the layers of fur, but eventually the relationship is consummated, and they live happily ever after. Well, until she starts to rot, being a fucking bear corpse that the mad old cunt has been shagging in the delusion that it’s a tidy bint.   

  The wrong Trousers.

   Hollywood live-action remake of Wallace and Gromit, starring Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson as Wallace, and Andy Serkis as a motion-capture CGI Gromit. In this slightly-tweaked story Wallace is a grizzled cop who doesn’t play by the rules, and Gromit is his loyal German Shepherd police dog. When investigating a drug deal the pair come to the attentions of the powerful drug lord “El Capitano”, who kills all of Gromit’s closest relatives, and blows up Wallace’s opulent beach-front property; that he can somehow afford on his policeman’s salary. The pair must hunt down El Capitano and put him out of business before he does the same to them, something not helped by Wallace’s alcohol problem. Also starring Charize Theron as the love interest. For Wallace, you sick bastard. 

  "Sorry Dad, you're breaking up, I'm just heading into a fudge tunnel". 

   This hilarious comedy stars Zac Efron as Billy Fronc, an eighteen year old who lives for partying with his friends. Mark Wahlberg is his seventeen year old buddy, “Stoner” Crud Mazzwick, and Adam Sandler is twenty year old layabout Freez Dirklange. After losing a bet with Crud’s older brothers Broxton and Steele, the three must spend a Saturday night at the city’s notorious gay club Oooooo, Get You! Initially reluctant to mingle in case they catch gay, after a few rounds of confidence-boosting and trouser-slackening tequila they are soon dancing up a storm on the dancefloor with their new friends.  Well, apart from Wahlberg’s character of course; he had it written into the script that he won’t let any “bummer” near his meat and two meat (no girly veg for Mark), and in fact his character gets into a fight with three burly homosexual men after one of them gives a lascivious look in the vague direction of Mark’s ashtray.

Mark wins.

Obviously.

   No room at the inn for Jar Jar.

   This sombre, black and white documentary follows what happens to Jar Jar Binks, after his unpopular starring role in some shit prequel or other. A sobering look at the American dream gone wrong, we follow a desolate Jar Jar as he repeatedly auditions for further acting roles, only to be turned away time and time again. We watch his slow descent into alcoholism, every drink punctuated by his sobbed mutterings of “Meesa fuckwit”, as he tortures himself watching a worn-out DVD of his only major role over and over again.

  No tulips in December.

   Sally Algernon (Dot Cotton) has been living in the old people’s home of her quiet part of Boston for seven years now. Her husband long dead and her children busy washing their hair, besides exchanging pleasantries with the nurses she has little to fill her days, apart from an ongoing feud with Gertrude Begonia (Honor Blackman) over who gets to sit in the best chair in the TV room. All this changes when a new gardener, Bowl Funterton (Russ Abbott), begins tending the gardens of the home (again, not a euphemism). Seeing his shirtless exertions, with his darts-honed physique and rippling liver spots, awakens feelings in Sally that she had thought long dormant. Soon she is flirting suggestively over a plate of Hobnobs, and being “accidently” caught walking cardigan-less in front of her window, with its deliberately open curtains. Unfortunately, there is a spanner in the works in her attempts to attract his attentions: she is surrounded by young, attractive NURSES, so she could ride a unicorn whilst juggling the Arsenal youth team and farting the theme tune to EastEnders perfectly, and she still wouldn’t be able to drag Bowl’s eyes away from young Samantha’s shapely arse.  

  A banjo for Billy.

   Cuthbert Faintlyaromatic and his wife Cynthia are dealt a crushing blow when, after seven years of trying, they finally have a child, only for young Billy to be born with the rare disease Kenny Loggins’ contraption. With knees for eyes, hairy teeth, a hunch-back AND a hunch-bum, continuous flatulence, an ingrown penis (on his tongue), and an allergy to his own nostrils, there is as yet no known cure for this horrible affliction, and those first few months tested their partnership to its limits. Just when things seemed totally desolate, a kindly doctor rescues them from despair, when he hands over an old banjo of his Grandads in exchange for Billy, as he needs something to lay on the floor in front of his living room door, to keep the draught out. Oh, did you think that maybe Billy would grow up and find meaning in his existence with the discovery of a musical gift or summat? Sorry.