#sp:bailey

[godlyborn]

never felt a feeling of comfort. / bailey ft. elias pt. iii

date: december 12, 2020 (though some parts are set in the past) trigger warnings: slight child abuse, abandonment mention, war mention, death mention

part i // part ii // part iv // part v // part vi // part vii // part viii

Bailey opened her suitcase. After a long talk with Logan about whether or not she should take a chance and go to Michigan, along with a talk with Hannah about going there, she decided it was time. Bailey had spent most of the week with this on her mind. Though there was a part of her that felt like it was going to backfire, there was always that part of her that wanted this - no - needed this. Bailey had spent years being left by people, that it made it hard for her to actually open up to others. 

Bailey’s mind was plagued with the bad memories that came with thinking about all the places she was passed around as a child. All the places that couldn’t accept her for who she was. All the places that tore down her spirit as a child. 

&&&.

Bailey sat on the floor outside her foster parent’s room, listening to them screaming in the background. Bailey was five. “She’s psychotic, Mark!” Ellen screamed to the other. Bailey jumped slightly at the noise.

“Ellen, the girl is five,” Mark replied.

“She threw a plate at Anna!” Ellen replied. At that point Bailey had tears in her eyes. She didn’t mean to do that. Anna had screamed at her, teased her for not having a family. Anna was their biological child, Bailey would never be her. 

Anna was teasing her and Bailey lost control, her powers had just started to show. The plate flew off the shelf, nearly hitting the other girl. Because they were mortal, it looked like Bailey had thrown it. That was the house where Bailey was then labeled as “violent”.

“She’s leaving tomorrow,” Ellen said. “I will not have a child in my house bully my daughter, Mark.”

“I understand,” he said back.

“Sharon will be picking her up, tomorrow morning.”

And she did.

&&&.

There were many homes that treated Bailey that way. She wasn’t important. Something always happened that ended in them sending Bailey back to the group home. Bailey wondered how someone could just do that. Trade her like she was some kind of toy being labeled as ‘defective’. Bailey never had a true home, not until Camp Halfblood. 

Though Bailey felt at home when it came to Camp Halfblood, there was always a part of her that longed for her to be somebody to someone. Bailey looked at her friends and her siblings, and saw some of them were with their parents, their mothers. Bailey wanted that. Bailey wanted that feeling of being loved.

&&&.

Bailey was six. She stood in the living room of her foster home. She had just broken the lamp in the living room. This wasn’t the first time that this had happened in this home, but this was the last. She could hear her foster Dad screaming at her, scolding her for what she had done. He obviously didn’t see what really happened. It was like Bailey was on a different plane of existence. She was getting yelled at, but it was like someone else was getting yelled at. If it didn’t feel like her, it would be like this wasn’t happening again. It hurt less that way. She was six, but Bailey knew what exactly was happening. 

She was snapped back into reality when Bailey’s wrist was grabbed by her foster dad, dragging her toward the room she was given. When he gripped too tight, she yelped, Bailey didn’t mean to zap him, but it happened and he pulled away quickly. “Go to your room, now!” he screamed. Bailey jumped, but she obeyed.

The next morning she was picked up from that home, with just the words ‘she just wasn’t a good fit’ and ‘danger to others’.

&&&.

Even at Camp Halfblood, a part of Bailey never felt safe. There was always a part of her that wouldn’t fully trust someone, would be scared they’d leave. Bailey had spent so many years losing people, that she never felt like she could put herself out there. She was scared to be alone, scared to feel alone again. There was always a part of Bailey that felt like she would be alone again. 

When the war came around, Bailey felt cursed. She had lost friends, and family, and most of all, she lost her home. Seeing Camp Halfblood in ruins, it hurt. This was her home, the only home that she knew. After that though, it felt tainted. Then, when it felt like she was at her worst, it got worse. When Bailey heard that Abel had died, it was like a piece of her cracked. Home wasn’t home anymore, it was just filled with broken memories from the Gods treating them like pawns. The war and Abel, made it feel like her father too had left her. Unlike many others, she didn’t leave her home, but it felt like her home had left her.

&&&.

Bailey was thirteen when she saw her sister crack. Rory didn’t leave, Rory didn’t die, but when Abel died they took a piece of her with them, and Bailey could tell. She knew that Rory was trying to be strong for her, but Bailey could tell it broke Rory. It wasn’t too long after the death of Abel, that Bailey really saw - or in her case - heard Rory actually break. Bailey had planned to go to bed that night, but every time she shut her eyes, she could see the events of what happened in the previous months unfold. She spent many nights awake because of this.

It was quiet at first, but it was there. Bailey wasn’t sure what it was at first, but soon she recognized it. It was Rory crying. Bailey just sat there in the silence, listening to Rory’s sobs. Bailey thought about going in there, holding her sister tight, but there was a part of Bailey that knew she couldn’t fix this or make it better. She knew that if Rory knew that Bailey heard, she’d feel bad because she knew Rory was trying to be strong for her. That’s when Bailey decided she had to be strong for Rory. 

Bailey shut everything off then. Bailey couldn’t break, she had to be the strong one then. Bailey told herself that it was better if she locked it all away, much like she had told herself plenty of times before that. If she locked it away, it didn’t hurt as much. 

And instead of someone else leaving Bailey, she was leaving herself.

&&&.

Bailey heard a knock on her door, and she put the stuff she was holding into the small suitcase. She turned, opening it up to reveal her cousin, Elias. “Hey,” she greeted him, a smile upon her face. 

Elias held up the two bracelets that he always carried with him, ones that transformed into his sheath of arrows and recurve bow. “Just please don’t lose them okay? I know I’m a pacifist, but that’s literally the only weapon I’m good at.”

“Noted,” Bailey said. “I promise I won’t lose them, E.”

Elias clipped them onto Bailey’s wrist. “Are you sure about this Bailey?” Bailey could tell that the other was shaking. “I mean, Michigan is so far and you don’t know her, and--”

“Elias,” Bailey cut him off, grabbing hold of his hands to comfort him and reassure him. Elias was always the voice of reason, the one to think of what could really go wrong, maybe sometimes too much. “I’ll be fine I promise. This place is my home, nothing is going to keep me from this place.”

Elias let out a soft sigh. “What about the monsters? We have a pretty bad history of it this year, with your sister and my brother.”

Bailey nodded. “That’s why I will have my ax and your arrows, Elias it’s going to be okay, sometimes we have to travel outside of Camp Halfblood. Our blood shouldn’t stop us from doing that. Besides I think if I didn’t go, I’ll regret it for the rest of my life, more than I’ll regret any monster attack that happens as a result.”

“I already almost lost Rory and Sefa, I can’t lose you,” Elias said. 

Bailey wrapped her arms around Elias in a hug. “You won’t E, I promise. I’ve been here since I was seven years old, I’ve been through a damn war, I think I can handle a monster or two if need be, okay?”

Elias squeezed her back in a hug. He took another breath, trying not to cry. “Just be careful, alright?”

“I will, I promise,” Bailey replied. “I’ll be back before you even know I’m gone.”

When they broke, Elias left back to his own cabin, and she was alone again.

&&&.

Bailey was alone again.

A balloon was filling up inside her, ready to pop. Her emotions that buried themselves for years, the thing she taught herself coming back to haunt her. After her fight with Abel, she found herself outside the border so no one could hear her cry, scream, anything that made her feel like she mattered to someone, to even the universe. 

Bailey knew deep down she had so many people in her corner, but at times like these when someone leaves her, it felt like she was alone again. She was angry, she was upset. All that Abel needed to say was that they wouldn’t leave her. 

Every time she felt like this, she felt like that little girl who needed love and didn’t get it again.

Bailey let the balloon pop.

Her screams echoed, the wind blowing the trees, leaves falling from them. She screamed till her throat was raw and she had tears streaming down her cheeks. She fell to her knees, sobbing. What was wrong with her? Was she broken? What was so hard about loving her?

[godlyborn]

cause all my life i’ve been fighting. / bailey pt. ii.

date: december 1, 2020 trigger warnings: abandonment mention

part i // part iii // part iv // part v // part vi // part vii // part viii

Bailey was sitting in the waiting room of her therapy office. Her legs bouncing up and down, her eyes focused on the letter she still hadn’t opened. Bailey was glad that she had an appointment that week, because after this bombshell, along with the struggles she was having with Abel, she needed it. When she heard her name come from across the room, her head shot up. Bailey let out a sharp smile at Melissa, her therapist. She jumped up, following the other to her office. 

“How are you doing today, Bailey?” she asked, opening the door for the blonde.

Bailey stepped into the room from behind Melissa, taking her usual spot on the dark blue couch in her office. Bailey crossed her legs. “You know, I’ve been better,” Bailey replied. “A lot has happened.”

“Yeah? Are you practicing what we’ve worked on, to cope with whatever is going on?” Melissa asked, eyebrows raised, writing some things down. “Remembering what is healthy?”

Bailey bit her lip. Even though at first it had been easy to lie to Melissa, but after a while and after Bailey began to break down, whenever she had a problem, it wasn’t so easy anymore. “Okay, I swear I tried to, but my mind kind of got wrapped around itself. It was like it couldn’t process the information it was given.”

“Okay, why don’t you try telling me about the information it was given, and we’ll start there, yeah?” Melissa asked.

Bailey nodded. “There’s a lot to unpack, are you sure you’re ready?”

“As long as you are, Bailey.”

Bailey nodded. Bailey then went into her whole spiel of everything. She talked about Abel, and how it felt when they couldn’t promise that they wouldn’t leave her again. She explained how it felt that it was like she was still grieving them even though they were not alive again. She also blamed herself. Bailey knew that she could’ve just told Abel that it was okay, that she’d accept it, just because she wanted them to be in her life again, because she did, she wanted Abel in her life. Bailey spoke about how that scared her. How she felt like she wasn’t good enough, that she would never be good enough, something she thought about her entire life, even after she found a home in Camp Halfblood. 

As complicated her and Abel were, they were family, and for them to just ignore her after everything, made her angry. It made her feel unloved and unwanted, and when they told her they couldn’t promise to be there for her, that hurt her even more. Bailey had always looked up to Abel, like an older sibling. Bailey told Melissa how much it hurt when they died, but Rory was hurting too, if not more. Bailey had to tell herself it didn’t hurt so much, that it would be better if she just ignored it. 

“How did it feel that they finally spoke to you?” Melissa asked.

“I’m mad, no, no, I’m furious,” Bailey corrected. “They’re my family, and they ignored me. Then they tell me that they can’t promise to be there for me, to not do that again.”

“Okay, past your anger, how do you feel,” Melissa added.

Bailey scrunched her nose, Melissa knew her too well. Bailey covered everything up with anger. It was easier to deal with. “Hurt, mostly. Part of me felt good that they actually wanted to talk. And,” she sighed, “Abandoned. “ She hated that word. She felt as though her whole life was defined by that word. People left Bailey, it was just normal, but Bailey also pushed people away when she was hurt by them. “Like Jesus Christ, all they needed to do was tell me they weren’t going to leave me again. Why is that so hard? Am I not good enough to fit in their life anymore?”

“Why do you think that you’re not good enough?”

“I don’t know, it’s just something I think.”

“Do you think maybe the reason that they couldn’t promise you that, has more to do with them?” Melissa asked, raising her eyebrows at the blonde.

Bailey furrowed her brows in question. “Why would it be? The constant is people leave for me. Abel, Declan, all those foster parents, Zeus, my Mom.”

Melissa paused for a moment. “It’s been a while since you have mentioned your biological mother,” she pointed out.

Bailey let out a sigh through her nose. She knew she was going to let it slip. “Abel’s apparently not the only one who wants back into my life.” Bailey showed Melissa the unopened letter. “I got this from my mom.”

“You haven’t opened it?” she asked.

“No. I spent my entire life knowing she gave me up because she couldn’t take care of me. What if this says otherwise? What if it becomes a disaster like my conversation with Abel. What if I screw it all up? What if she thought she wanted something with me, then she meets me and I’m not what she wanted. I mean, it wouldn't be the first time.”

“Well I guess you have two options then,” Melissa replied. “It’s understandable you feel this way. You think you got over your mom leaving, but your body still feels it. Your body knows what it feels like to be left. You are doing everything in your power to not feel that again, even if it means sabotaging things yourself. I don’t think you’re doing that though. I think you’re just scared, it’s understandable you feel that way. You either need to throw the letter away, or you need to open it and find out for yourself what she wants to say to you.”

“What do I choose?”

“Well, you have to do that for yourself, Bailey,” Melissa said. “You have all the tools to deal with this, in a healthy way. You just have to apply them.”

&&&&&&&&&&&.

Hours later, Bailey sat on the steps of the Zeus cabin once more. She stared at the still unopened letter in her hands. You have two options, echoed in her head. Bailey sighed again, and then let out a soft groan. “Fuck it,” she said to herself, before tearing open the letter, reading it.

Dear Bailey,

I’m not entirely sure how to start this. I’m not even sure you’ll ever get this. It has been so long. I’ve been told that sometimes, to right your wrongs, you have to face your fears. You, Bailey, you have always been one of mine. Giving you up, though it was for the best, has always been my biggest regret, and I’ve always wondered if wherever you went, you were loved as much as I loved you. 

I hope that you grew up to be the person I always knew you could be, strong, kind, beautiful. You were everything I wished in a child, and I wish I could be there right now to see the woman who I gave birth to. 

I’m not entirely sure why I’m writing this letter. Wherever you are, I just want to make sure that you know, I am sorry for what I did when you were a baby. I loved you so much that I knew I had to give you up. You deserved a much better life that I could’ve ever given you nineteen years ago. I want you to know, I love you. 

Even if we never meet again, I will understand if you don’t want anything to do with me. You were so young, and that’s a different part of your life now. I know I will never replace the family that you have now, but I just needed you to know, you were so loved, and I don’t want you to ever think otherwise.

As long as I’m living, Your biological mother, Hannah.

Bailey touched the necklace that she wore everyday that was given to her from Hannah. As long as I’m living, a phrase so familiar to Bailey, written in the old tattered letter Bailey has kept since she was a kid, along with it engraved in the back of the necklace. Bailey always wondered what it meant. A teardrop fell upon the letter Bailey was holding. She didn’t even recognize she was crying till she saw the wet spot on the paper. Her eyes trailed to it, following it down the page, before settling up a phone number written below Hannah’s name.

She shouldn’t, should she?

Bailey didn’t even answer her question before her hand was dialing the phone number on the page. Bailey let it ring twice, begging for no one to pick up. Her heart felt like it was in her throat. She heard the other end pick up and Bailey quickly hung up. Bailey took a few deep breaths to try and calm her beating heart. Her hands were shaking when she redialed. She just needed to hear the other’s voice. She wanted to know what she sounded like, to know if she sounded similar. Bailey put the phone to her ear.

One ring.

Two rings.

Three--- “Hello?” Bailey was silent for a moment. She sounded happy. “Hello? Is anyone there?”

Bailey let out a shaky breath, unsure of what to say. What do you say to someone who is your mother, but you haven’t seen since you were one year old. What the fuck do you ever call them? “Hi, uh,” Bailey started. She gulped down the fear rising in her chest. “Is this Hannah?”

“Yes, and who am I speaking to?”

“Bailey.”

[godlyborn]

i’m so used to sharing. / bailey pt. vi

date: december 22-23, 2020 trigger warning: injury, hospitals

part i // part ii // part iii // part iv // part v // part vii // part viii

Over the last week, Bailey had been getting to know Hannah more and more, the girl began to trust the woman that birthed her. They both had a lot in common. From their bursts of anger, to how they both felt so deeply that it was hard to let others see their heart. Bailey did all those things that a normal girl was supposed to do with her mother, like braid hair, and talk about boys, Bailey cherished these moments as if she would lose them. 

Bailey had told her about who she was, about the dangers it brought, and Hannah, though not fully understanding it, still loved her anyway. 

Hannah opened the door to the cafe where they first really talked, letting Bailey walk in first. The two ordered their usual to go. Bailey insisted today that Hannah take to the place that her and Zeus met. Bailey always wondered what it was like to have a story to tell about her parents, broken family or not. 

The car ride there with coffees in their hands was not quiet at all. Hannah spent half the car ride insisting that Bailey should tell Griffin how she felt when she got back to camp, which resulted in Bailey blushing. A lot. 

Hannah pulled up to a field. Bailey wondered why it was here that they met. Hannah took her to the middle of the field. Bailey tilted her head slightly in question. “You two met in a field?”

Hannah let out a small laugh. “I was on a run when I met him. It started raining and I ended up here. I insisted we go inside, but he stayed. I couldn’t help but stay with him. We were in the middle of the field, and there was lightning and thunder, but nothing touched us. It was like we were immune. Now that I know that he was actually the cause of it, it makes sense to me. I was soaked, my hair and clothes, I looked like a drowned cat, but he said I was one of the most beautiful women he’d ever seen. Flirted with me. I think it might just have been to get into bed with me.”

Bailey let out a small laugh. “Sounds like him, if I’m being honest. I want to say there should be more of us, considering he seems like he just puts his dick everywhere, but then we have that whole more susceptible to monster attacks thing going on.”

“But yeah, this is where I met Zeus.”

Bailey smiled, “That sounds really funny, and really great at the same--” That’s when she saw it. There was a man that laid on the ground near the trees. Her smile quickly fell, standing in front of Hannah. It wasn’t long before the man morphed into a large creature. “Hannah, run!” Bailey grabbed her mother’s hand pulling her away. 

Bailey’s feet hit the pavement, the pounding of her steps matched the pounding of her heart.  Bailey turned to look better at the creature, her sights revealing a manticore. “Bailey, where are we going.” 

“Anywhere but here, we have to get somewhere safe,” Bailey insisted, but was there anywhere safe?

Hannah couldn’t keep up with Bailey. Bailey thought about splitting up from Hannah, this monster was after her, not Hannah. Bailey’s reeling thoughts stop when she watched the Manticore pluck Hannah out of the way, sending her back. She watched as Hannah tumbled backward until Hannah was on the ground, unmoving. “No!” Bailey screamed. Bailey’s heart pounded, and she took off her bracelets, revealing the bow and arrow. She shot an arrow, missing the manticore the first time. Bailey ran again, trying to get another good shot in before it inevitably caught up to her.

Bailey notched another arrow, her hands shaking. That’s when she heard the voice at first. Focus, it said. Bailey took a breath, pulling the string back. She shot at the Manticore, the arrow piercing its torso. Not enough to kill, but good enough to injure it. She sent another one when it stumbled backward. In defense the Manticore swung it’s paw, hitting Bailey with it, sending her quite a bit of way, tumbling and rolling. The manticore sent a spike at Bailey, and Bailey who was already disoriented, didn’t have enough time to get out of the way. The spike hit her, barely but still enough to slice the side of her thigh open, releasing its poison. Bailey let out a scream, intense pain spreading through her body. Though she knew it wouldn’t be enough to kill her, it felt like her body was exploding, the pain was too overbearing and she finally blacked out. 

Bailey felt peace for a moment. Everything was silent, everything was warm. Get up, she heard the voice again, as if it was willing her to wake up. 

Get up! Now!

The blonde’s eyes shot open, the Manticore before her, ready to make a fatal blow. It was like something possessed Bailey, and much like she had done in the forest before, Bailey let out a scream. The wind around her picked the monster up, sending it back enough for Bailey to get up. Pain sputtered through her entire body, but it was like she ran on adrenaline. 

Bailey looked around for the bow and arrow, but they were too far away. Your pocket, the voice insisted, reminding her of the mirror that turned into her ax. She opened it, her ax shooting out of it. Bailey waited for the right time. When the Manticore lifted its tail to shoot its spikes at her, Bailey rolled out of the way. Slamming the celestial bronze axe down to cut the tail off.  

The wind picked up, this time she wasn’t even sure if she was the one doing it. It gave her an open window, this time. Bailey screamed, throwing her ax, hitting the Manticore. It stuck in its torso, and he stumbled a few steps before finally turning to dust.

Bailey fell to her knees, her breath heavy, it hurt to move, hurt to breath. She looked up again, her eyes trailing to find Hannah still on the ground. It was like her breath got caught in her throat. She picked up the bow, arrows, and ax, returning them to their hidden state, just in case more danger arose. Bailey collapsed next to Hannah. She brought her mother’s head onto her lap. 

Bailey fished for her phone, only to find it completely demolished in her pocket. Bailey frantically looked around, trying to ignore the pain that coarse through her body every time she moved. Stay awake, she told herself, just stay awake. “Help!” She tried calling out, hoping someone was listening. Tears fell from her eyes. She looked down at her mom. “Wake up, please please, wake up,” she begged. “You can’t die, not here, not now.” She finally had someone to call her own, she couldn’t lose her. Without thinking, the words slipped from her mouth, and for the first time she said, “Mom, please.”

Bailey looked up when she heard a commotion of a group of people. She must look atrocious. “Help,” she said, her adrenaline wearing off. She suddenly felt dizzy, she caught herself on the ground, trying to steady herself. “Help, please,” she said quieter than before, as darkness overtook the edges of her vision. The last thing she saw were the people running toward her and her mother.

&&&.

When Bailey woke up again, she was connected to an IV. Her head pounded, her face hurt, every time she took a breath, she felt a stabbing pain on the right side of her torso where her ribs are. She moved her hand, as if to push herself up, only to find a brace on it, along with her body feeling like every inch of it hurt. She let out a soft groan. 

“Woah, hey,” she heard a voice. She jumped slightly, wincing at the movement but turned to look at the source. Only to find Scott sitting there. “I can believe a mugging did all this.”

“What?” Bailey asked confused, only to have everything come flooding back, like a sea of regret to even danger her mother in the first place.

“At least, that’s what we all assumed, you both had no purses, and there was a cut on your leg.”

“Right,” Bailey lied. He wouldn’t understand the entirety of anything. 

Scott sighed. “Bailey, it wasn’t a mugging, was it? Hannah told me otherwise.” Hannah saw it? That could only mean she could see through the mist. 

“I--” Bailey tried to explain.

“Bailey, we decided that it’s best if you go home,” Scott started. That’s when Bailey could see clearly, her eyes following Scott down, to find her bags next to his chair. “For the safety of Sally, it’s best if you leave, and not to contact us again.”

“But I…” Bailey trailed off as tears welled up in her eyes. Don’t cry, she told herself. Do not give him the satisfaction of your tears. 

“I’m sorry Bailey,” Scott said, before getting up, leaving the room. Bailey sat there, alone. For a few minutes, she sat there, trying to process what just happened. Bailey looked around, suddenly feeling so vulnerable. She pulled the needle from her arm, the wires away from her hands and body, the machines started going crazy. Every move sent pain through her body. 

A nurse came barreling in. “Miss Fielding, you shouldn’t be moving.” 

Bailey shook her head. “I want to go home, I’m leaving, get me out of here,” she rambled, not crying. 

“That would be against our best advice,” the nurse insisted.

“Then give me something to sign to get me out of here,” Bailey snapped. The nurse stared at her, “Please,” she begged.

The nurse nodded, leaving to go get what she assumed was a doctor. Bailey practically stumbled to the restroom. At this point, she was crying. She should’ve never trusted Hannah, never opened her heart to her. She cursed herself for being so naive, yet again. Bailey stood at the sink, in front of the mirror. She leant against the sink, it basically held her up. She stared at her face, bruises along the left side of her face, that seemed to have started to form, swollen slightly. This was her fault. This was her fault. Bailey took a second to look at herself. She wanted to go home, no she needed to go home. Bailey took a breath. The voice that helped her yesterday, echoing in her head. Focus. Bailey looked at herself, focusing on calming down, focusing on shutting everything off. There the feeling was again, like she was watching herself from outside her body. If she didn’t feel like it was hurt, it wouldn’t hurt as much. Focus. So she did. 

She took a step out of the restroom, each step sending pain through her entire body, her eyes meeting with the doctor’s. “Bailey, I’m told you want to leave. I highly suggest against that. You have bruised ribs, a broken wrist, a severe cut on your leg, not to mention a concussion. You should be resting. I highly advise you to stay under more observation.” If she could just get home, she could do all that at the infirmary and also with the help of ambrosia and nectar. 

“I want to leave,” Bailey stated once more. 

The doctor nodded. “I’ll get the paperwork, why don’t you get dressed. I can get a nurse to help you if you need.” 

Bailey then remembered, she had no phone, no money, she had no ways to get home. “Okay, but can I,” she paused to take a painful breath in, “can I use the phone to call someone to come get me?”

The doctor nodded. “I’ll have a nurse get you something to plug it in.” With that, he left. Bailey painfully got dressed in the loosest clothes she could find in her suitcase. One of the nurses handed her the phone. Bailey thought about calling Logan or Elias, but they’d only worry. She couldn’t call Griffin because he honestly probably wouldn’t know what to do. Her mind wandered to Rory, but her sister would only worry, and Bailey couldn’t put her through having to travel outside of Camp again. Bailey’s mind then wandered to one of the last people she could think of. 

She dialed their number. The phone rang only to be met by an interesting voicemail. Bailey cursed, and thought about Alec’s phone number. She typed it in, hoping it was right, and by the grace of some God, probably Tyche, they answered. Finally getting Abel on the phone, Bailey let out a breath of relief. “Abel, I need your help.”

[godlyborn]

and i never had someone to call my own. / bailey pt. v.

date: december 15, 2020

part i // part ii // part iii // part iv // part vi // part vii // part viii

Bailey barely slept that night. She stayed up most of the night just thinking. Thinking about how she should’ve never responded to the letter, how she never should have come to Michigan, how she never should have started to like Hannah. Yet here she was in her very normal house, in her very normal life, with her very normal family.

Bailey thought she wanted this, she thought that she wanted something normal. She thought this was the life she had wanted since she was little, but now that she laid on the guest bed in Hannah’s home, it felt far from what she wanted. Now, she wanted to be home with Rory, with Logan, with Griffin. Hell, she even wanted Abel right now, despite their fight. 

It was maybe five am when exhaustion finally took Bailey over and she slept. Bailey didn’t dream that night. She was asleep, but her body still felt like it was on high alert. When she woke she wasn’t sure if it was because she knew that she could be putting this very normal family in danger or that she felt like an outsider in this place.

When she woke up, Bailey’s bags were on the chair in the corner of the room, and on top of them was an outfit that seemed to have been picked out by Hannah while Bailey was sleeping. Bailey looked at the room around her. It felt weird, this place. Bailey had grown up thinking this is what she wanted, but it didn’t feel that way now that she had a small part of it. 

Bailey changed into the outfit that Hannah had set out, stuffing the rest of her thing in her bag. She knew she would soon be going home anyway. She heard shuffling downstairs, and the blonde made her way to find the source. She found it in the kitchen, where Hannah was making breakfast, and who she seemed Hannah’s husband was helping her. Sally sat at the table, happily eating some scrambled eggs. Sally was the first to spot her. “Bailey!” she said excitedly, despite barely knowing the other. Kids were so simple that way. Bailey gave a small smile at the little girl. 

“Bailey, hi,” Hannah said, almost quiet enough not to hear.

Hannah’s husband looked up too, and neared Bailey. Bailey took a small step back. He held out his hand to shake. “Hi, Bailey, I’m Scott.”

Bailey shook the other’s hand, awkwardly. “Hi,” she responded. It felt so surreal, like this was her dream. 

Hannah looked at Bailey again. “Why don’t you take a seat, Bailey. Would you like some breakfast?”

“Uh, sure,” Bailey responded, following Scott to the table. He pulled out the chair for her, and she took a seat. 

“After breakfast, we can get your bags and head to the airport, okay?” Hannah asked, almost as if she hoped for otherwise.

Bailey nodded. “Okay,” she replied. For the rest of breakfast, it was quiet. There was some small talk between Scott and Hannah, but for the most part it was probably the most awkward breakfasts Bailey has ever had, and she’s had a lot of those.

“Okay, kiddo, Daddy’s going to take you to school, say bye to Bailey,” Hannah said to Sally.

Sally nodded happily, hoping off her chair. She ran over to Bailey’s side of the table, hugging her. “Bye Bailey,” she said. 

Bailey awkwardly hugged the child back. “Bye Sally,” she responded, almost silent. 

With that, the child and her father left, and Bailey was left with Hannah. They sat there silently for a few minutes, both unsure what to say to each other. “Bailey, I really am sorry. I didn’t realize that you wouldn’t know, or that it would hurt you.”

Bailey pushed around the remains of her scrambled eggs. “No, it’s my fault, I should’ve realized you could have another family, like I do. I mean, I also sprung my siblings onto you too.”

Hannah shook her head. “Sweetie, no, none of this is your fault at all,” Hannah replied. “I should’ve warned you about them.”

Bailey sighed slightly. “You having a family isn’t all I was freaked out about, I should admit.”

“Hmm?” 

“I, uh, you’re just so normal. I’m not sure I would fit in if we did get along.”

“Bailey, I would’ve never sent you that letter if I didn’t think you could fit in.”

“No, Hannah, you don’t understand.”

“Then tell me, give me a chance to understand.”

Bailey sighed. “I’m not like you, Dad wasn’t like you either.”

“Did you father tell you about me?” Hannah inquired, picking up some dishes to put in the sink to clean.

Bailey shook her head. “No, in fact I’ve only talked to Dad a few times.”

“Don’t you live with him.”

Bailey shook her head again. “No, I don’t. I live at this camp, for other people like me. We call it Camp Halfblood.”

“You live at a camp? What do you mean people like you,” Hannah took a seat again, now pretty confused. 

“It’s a camp for demigods. Like children of Greek Gods,” Bailey said. Hannah tilted her head, almost as though she felt she was dreaming, and that Bailey wasn’t really telling her this. “Did Dad ever say anything like it?”

“I mean, I just assumed he was named after the Greek God, Zeus,” Hannah said. “He said you’d be special, but I didn’t think it would be this. This can’t be real, can it?”

“It is, trust me, it’s a lot to get used to,” Bailey replied, “to understand, but my Dad is actually Zeus.”

“How, do I, this is all really confusing,” Hannah said. “I want to understand, but it’s a lot.”

Bailey sat there. She could just ask to stay, she could explain to Hannah, everything. Part of her wanted to go home, but part of her wanted to stay and help Hannah understand, even if it meant when she did leave she’d never talk to her again. That way Bailey would not be left questioning it. Hannah didn’t seem like she was going to kick Bailey out right then and there. “I would really like to stay and explain it to you, if you let me?”

“You want to stay?” Hannah asked, hopeful. Hannah had been expecting to drive Bailey away forever, rather than Bailey ask her if she could stay. 

Bailey nodded in response. “If that’s okay? I mean, if you don’t want me here now that you know what I am, I understand.”

“No, no, I want you here, Bailey. I want to understand.”

Bailey let out a soft smile, those were the words that she always wanted. That someone wanted her, despite her being a demigod. 

Hannah wanted her.

[godlyborn]

and all this time, i’ve been hiding. / bailey pt. iv

date: december 14, 2020 trigger warnings: abandonment mention

part i // part ii // part iii // part v // part vi // part vii // part viii

Bailey walked away from baggage claim, bag in hand. Her stomach was doing flip flops. Bailey wasn’t even sure who to look for. Would Hannah look like her? Or at least, would she look like Hannah? Bailey rocked on her heels, watching the crowds of people disperse, finding their way to their next destination that wasn’t the bus stop. At this point, part of Bailey started to panic. What if she came here for nothing? What if Hannah changed her mind? What if she did this because she hated Bailey? What if--- Her thoughts came full stop when she saw another blonde, looking around too. The woman stepped forward, stopping when her eyes met Bailey. “Bailey?”

Bailey promised herself she wouldn’t cry. She wasn’t sure what to think of this woman quite yet. She couldn’t let herself be seen that way, so she stood there. She nodded at the other, taking a hesitant step forward. Bailey looked so much like her, it felt weird to finally have someone that she looked like stand right in front of her. 

The woman took the other in, almost afraid to touch her when she finally got only about a foot away from Bailey. Hannah looked at the other, the blonde braid Bailey had, matching her blonde ponytail, and her eyes, they were her eyes, and they were exactly how she remembered them. “You look so grown up,” she commented, but then made a face as if she shouldn’t have said that. Of course she looked grown up. “It has been eighteen years,” Bailey replied, Bailey made the same face, cursing herself for not being more considerate about it. “Sorry, I uh, that was harsh. I should not have said that.” Bailey half expected her to tell her to go home right then and there. 

“Do you maybe, want to get coffee first or something? Before we dive right in?” Hannah suggested. “Are you okay with that?”

Bailey let herself feel relief that Hannah still wanted her here. “I’m okay with that,” Bailey answered. “Coffee at 5 pm? I like the way you think.”

Hannah let out a small laugh. “Of course, I know just the place. Do you need help with one of your bags?”

“If you don’t mind,” Bailey said. “It’s not too much for me.”

“No, no, it’s okay,” Hannah insisted, taking one of Bailey’s bags in her arms.

“Thanks…” Bailey trailed off slightly. She didn’t want to add a Mom, it didn’t seem right. They barely know each other, despite Bailey being birthed from her. “Uh, I’m not sure what I should call you.”

Hannah’s face fell slightly, as if she didn’t really think too much of that either. “Uh, you can probably just call me Hannah if you’re comfortable with that?”

Bailey nodded. “That’s okay with me,” she replied. 

Hannah smiled back at her. “Great,” she said. Bailey felt weird. This woman was so nice, so beautiful, and Bailey was…. well, Bailey. She was angry and short-tempered, and personality wise the complete opposite of this woman standing before her. But her heart was warm, and for once in her life, she felt like she didn’t need to try to get someone to love her, or try to trust another person. Sure, there were her siblings back at camp, but there was always a part of her she hid from everyone, even them, and it also took her a bit to trust them too.

Besides the over-analyzing part of her brain telling her not to go, Bailey followed Hannah anyway. They packed up Bailey’s things in the trunk of her car, before getting into the passenger seat next to Hannah. “So, uh,” Bailey paused, unsure what to do or say, “I’m sorry, I’m not sure what to say.”

“Uh,” Hannah was at a loss too. For a moment, they sat in silence, awkwardly. “Why don’t we start with questions. I sure have a lot, I bet you have some too.” Bailey nodded in response. “So, are you going to school right now?”

“I uh, graduated,” Bailey replied. “I haven’t started college or anything. I went to uh…” Bailey paused, leaving out the fact she was a demigod at first. She’d rather ease Hannah into that, “a special school. So it was run differently than normal schools. I didn’t know what to do in college so I haven’t gone yet. I’ve been thinking of going to school to be a mechanic though.”

“Oh yeah? That’s interesting,” Hannah commented. Bailey felt scared that Hannah thought she was a disappointment, so she watched out the window as they drove. “Do you have friends from school though?”

Bailey nodded. “Yeah, there’s a group of us, well, sorta, I’m only close with a few of them.”

“Tell me about them,” she insisted. 

“The group?” Bailey asked to clarify, as Hannah parallel parked outside the small cafe. 

Hannah nodded. “Or the ones you’re close to. Any best friends? Any crushes?” Bailey blushed when she mentioned crushes. “So there is a crush. Come on, let’s get settled and you can tell me all about them.” Bailey nodded in agreement. The cafe didn’t seem to be very popular, there was a short line, and getting up to the front was quick. Both Hannah and Bailey ordered some food and a coffee, before taking a seat at a table. “So?”

“Well, there’s Logan, she’s my best friend. She’s kind of the one who encouraged me to meet you.”

“Oh, I like her already.”

“I’ve known her for a few years, and she kind of sought me out. She’s a bit of a social butterfly, and well, I’m kind of the opposite. She’s my best friend in the entire world and I’d probably die for her if I needed to.”

“So, she’s really important to you.”

“100 percent. She’s always there, and I don’t know if I’d be anywhere without her. We dance together and hang out together. She has a youtube channel, it’s under Logan Vance. I’m in a whole bunch of her vlogs with her, because I’m pretty much with her like 90 percent of the time. I used to date her brother, when we broke up, we stayed friends because I didn’t want her to feel like she had to choose. Plus, I don’t know what I would do if I didn’t have her.”

“You dated her brother?”

“Yeah, for maybe about a year? Almost? We broke up a few months ago, because it wasn’t really working out. He’s still really cool though.”

“And who are you with for the other 10 percent of the time that you’re not with Logan?” Hannah asked. 

“Well, there’s also Micah, they’re a friend of mine too, but I mostly dance with them,” Bailey replied.

“You dance?”

Bailey nodded. “Yeah, mostly tap, but I dabble in other styles. Micah and I do a lot of contemporary. I really like the tricks from partner dances, and they’re not afraid of throwing me around,” she said with a slight chuckle. “Now, what about this crush?” 

Bailey blushed again. “Well, his name is Griffin. He’s new to ca-- I mean town. We don’t know much about each other, but there’s something about him that makes him really easy to talk to.”

“Is he cute?” Hannah asked.

Bailey nodded as part of her answer. “Yes, definitely, but that’s not the only thing. He’s kind of a little shit, a bit rude and passive aggressive, but sometimes I can be aggressive aggressive, so I don’t mind it. He’s actually funny about it, if I’m being honest. He is low-key nice, and he’s fun, and really chill. I don’t think he likes me though.”

“Why is that?” Hannah asked as someone dropped off their coffees and food for them. They smiled and thanked the girl.

Bailey shrugged, as she turned her attention back on Hannah. “He likes another person from our group, Len.”

“Are you close to them?” Bailey shook her head. “Not really, they’re really cool, don’t get me wrong, but I don’t really hang out with them alone. I’m more close to Logan, Griffin, and my cousin, Elias. Elias and Logan are pretty close to Len though.”

“Your cousin?” 

Bailey slightly cringed, she meant to keep family from this. “Yeah, he’s one of my best friends. He was a little nervous about me coming to Michigan. He’s also kind of nervous about everything though. I still love him.” She took a few bites from her sandwich.

“Do you have any other family? I want to know all about your adopted family,” she said.

Bailey turned away from her slightly when she said adopted. She was silent for a minute. “No, I wasn’t adopted,” she said. “Uh, they’re my family by blood, Dad’s side of the family. I have quite a bunch of siblings,” she replied.

“Oh,” Hannah replied, her face dropping a little. “I’m sorry, I assumed that you Dad never got back into the picture. 

“No, no, it’s okay, he did, when I was seven. Well, sort of,” Bailey replied, drinking some of her coffee, as if it would cover up the awkwardness.

“Sort of?”

“Well, it’s a long story,” Bailey replied. “For another time.”

Hannah nodded, respecting Bailey’s wishes. “Why don’t you tell me about them? Your siblings?”

“There’s a bunch of them. Alex, they’re the oldest, they’re basically your typical mom friend type of person. Got me going to therapy, fixes up bumps and bruises, calls you dumb when you’re really being dumb. I’m not the closest with them, but they’re cool, they’re out of town right now, but they check in every once in a while. Then there’s Amber, she’s super sweet and quirky. Her and Rory are really close, she’s in London right now, but I’m sure she’ll come back to visit soon, we have phone calls once in a while. Then there’s Rory who is like one of my best friends, we’re really close. She’s really bad ass, and don’t ever tell her this, but I really look up to her.”

“Oh, so I get to meet these siblings?”

Bailey shrugged, she didn’t want to get too ahead of herself. “Maybe one day.”

“Are those your only siblings?” Hannah asked.

Bailey shook her head. “There’s Jenny and Miles too. I don’t really know Miles too much, just from Jenny, but Jenny is like my go to with relationships and for advice. She’s in Virginia right now, I really miss her.”

“I didn’t know your father had other kids.”

“I think that one is a long story too, which we have the week to talk about,” Bailey reminded her.

Hannah nodded. “How about we head back to my place, yeah? I’m sure you’re exhausted.” Bailey nodded in response, following Hannah back toward the car. “Maybe we can talk more about you when we’re there. I have a lot of questions.”

“Of course,” Hannah responded.

The drive back wasn’t very long, Hannah didn’t live too far from the cafe, in fact she seemed to live pretty close to a lot of things. Bailey expected to pull into some type of parking garage for an apartment, or on the street. Instead, they pulled into the driveway of a nice house, within a van in the driveway too. Why would Hannah need a van? Not to mention two cars?

Bailey got out, looking a little confused, and Hannah unloaded the two small bags she had brought. “I thought you--” Bailey was cut off by a four, maybe five, year old running outside to Hannah. 

“Mommy! Mommy!” she yelled. 

Hannah scooped up the little girl. “Hi, baby, I want you to meet someone,” she said. Bailey stood there, confused. How could she not see this one coming? She didn’t respond and Hannah continued. “Sally, this is Bailey,” she said.

“Hi, Bailey,” the little girl responded. “Why are you crying?”

Crying? Bailey didn’t even recognize she was crying, but she was. There were tears actively streaming down her face. Hannah’s face contorted into one of concern and she let the child down. “Sweetheart, why don’t you go find Daddy and let him know to set up a bed for Bailey.”

When Hannah looked back up, Bailey had her hands in fists, her nails digging deep into her palms, trying not the panic. It wasn’t working. “I didn’t-- I,” Bailey tried to form a coherent sentence, instead she was backing away from the other. Her fight or flight kicking in. She felt so stupid. “This, this was a bad idea.” 

Hannah stepped forward. “Bailey, please,” she went to steady Bailey, touch her arm for comfort, but Bailey flinched back. The wind picked up around the two as Bailey got more and more emotional.

She shook her head, trying to will the tears to stop. “I didn’t…” Bailey cursed at herself to try and find the words. “You wanted to be a mom, but you didn’t want to be my mom.”

Hannah stepped forward again. “Bailey, no,” Hannah insisted.

Instead of responding, Bailey took off running. She didn’t know where to, she just let her feet pound against the pavement, trying to find somewhere that felt safe. No where did though. She was in a strange city, ignoring her best judgements, and getting herself hurt, like she always did. Hannah ran after her for a while “Bailey!” she screamed, but Bailey just kept running. Hannah was no match for Bailey.

It had to have been at least ten minutes of running, before Bailey came across a small playground, with a bench. She sat on the bench, she had no idea what to do, where to go. She felt so alone and hurt.

Bailey sat here for a while, unsure of what her next step would be. That’s when Hannah’s car pulled up. Hannah got out, jogging to Bailey. Bailey didn’t look at her, too hurt to even put anything to words. “Bailey, I’m so sorry, I didn’t realize you wouldn’t have known. Please, just come back home.”

Bailey shook her head. “This isn’t my home, I want to go back home,” she said harshly.

Hannah sighed, looking as though those words stung. “At least stay the night, and if you want to go back home still tomorrow morning, I’ll drive you to the airport, I promise. You can’t stay out here all night, it’s freezing.”

Bailey made a face. She was right, and Bailey didn’t want to admit it. “Okay,” she said, finally, with a soft tone to her voice. “But only for the night.”

[godlyborn]

i’d rather be a lover than a fighter. / bailey pt. i

date: november 28, 2020 trigger warnings: abandonment mention, foster care mention

part ii // part iii // part iv // part v // part vi // part vii // part viii

Bailey Fielding was just one year old when she was left on the steps at Fire Station 8 in Salt Lake City, Utah. Left with just a letter and a necklace to remind her of where she came from. This explained to her why her mother had left, explaining that her mother had loved her, loved her so much that she couldn’t keep her. She said Bailey had deserved much more than what Hannah could give her. To this day, this is what Bailey knew as the reason her mother had abandoned her. To this day, these were the only things Bailey had from her mother, and eighteen years later, that letter sat in a small jewelry box in her bedroom.

That was up until that morning.

Lulu had stopped by her cabin at around eight, said she had found something at the post office postmarked for Bailey. It was odd, Bailey never had packages or letters sent to her from outside of camp. It was postmarked from somewhere in Salt Lake. When Bailey opened it, inside was another letter. This one postmarked from Grand Rapids, Michigan, from months ago. Bailey could only assume that it was passed around as the letter tried to make its way to Bailey who had been passed around herself too many times to count. Bailey looked at the letter. It didn’t have a name on its return address, but Bailey knew who it was from. She knew the penmanship was her biological mother’s, especially because of the worn letter she had read so many times before.

She had thanked Lulu, though a part of her felt like it left her body. When the door closed, Bailey spent a moment just staring at the new letter. She had imagined a moment like this since she was a little kid. She had imagined multiple different scenarios. One where her mother came and picked her up, apologized for being gone for so long. Another where her mother came with a new family, inviting Bailey in, and loving her. Another where Zeus returned to her mother and the three of them became a family, that one was a stretch. None of these came true though. As Bailey grew older, she became bitter and lost, and a part of her thought she would never see or talk to her mother again.

Though, there was a different part of Bailey, one of which she had kept locked away from everyone, even Rory and Logan. The part that had hope that one day she’d talk to her mother again, just to see who she was, just to see where she came from. This letter was that hope. She even tried looking for Hannah once she turned eighteen, only to come up short when she was left at a fire station rather than being properly sent through an adoption agency.

Now, Bailey finally had this letter physically in her hands and it wasn’t some sort of childhood dream, she couldn’t find the courage to open it. She didn’t know how to rehash all of that pain she tried to get past throughout the years. She was scared to destroy all the work she had done to feel like she mattered, like she had a family. But this was the letter that Bailey dreamed of, hoped for. A part of Bailey wasn’t ready to just pretend it didn’t exist.

That was the reason Bailey was on her second run that morning. She was trying to run off all of that pain. She ran until her lungs hurt and begged for air. She ran until her body ached and that covered up all the thoughts and noise from her past, from that little girl still inside her begging for her to just open the letter and find out what Hannah Fielding wanted, and hopefully find out the answers Bailey never got all those years. 

Bailey trekked her way around the camp’s perimeters, and then into the woods. Bailey had always felt good in nature. When her lungs begged her to stop, she did, even though her thoughts kept racing. She felt like this bubble inside her was blowing up and she just needed to pop it. To get it all out. She put her hands on her knees, breath heavy. When she finally caught it, she let out a scream, and then another one. Her screams made the wind blow and whistle, tossing up leaves and blowing the trees around her. When she was out of breath, and her throat was raw, she stopped. She needed to lose herself in order to be ready for this letter. While the sound waves of the scream took some of her worries with it, she still couldn’t find the courage to open the letter. So Bailey, picked up the pace again, running back home to camp, to the only place she really felt loved and safe.