#specifically online not only because i'm still healing from a fuckton of shit sdkfjgh but also because i find myself worrying about whether
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#something i've just now come to realize is that. i think i've been pulling away from stepping out of my comfort zone and making new friends#specifically online not only because i'm still healing from a fuckton of shit sdkfjgh but also because i find myself worrying about whether#or not i'm Worth It for them. like. interacting w people that alr have other friends or irl friends. it's like.. do you want to be Friends w#me? like... fr? sdfkjghfd or are you just talking with me for a bit. i don't mind either but it just makes navigating interactions harder#for me bc it's like. i don't want to share a lot of myself with someone that doesn't care y'know. or doesn't plan to whether it be#subconsciously or not. i want nice connections w people and i wanna make friends and have nice things!! but!!#that takes time and effort and i can't stand to continue being the only party to put all that in!! it's this reoccurring thing that sucks#and i'm not trying to say blah blah people suck nothing is worth it i don't wanna get hurt again raa or edgy shit like that ksdjfhg#and i'm not trying to undermine brief interactions bc those are important too it's just not what i'm lookin for y'know.#not rn. but idk just rn i'm kinda wrestling with#being. careful w myself... if that makes sense.#unstoppable force (my deep yearning for rich loving connections with others) meets immovable object (self preservation)#sap says#2 am thoughts ig
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