#spl needs more silly

[thethingost]

my apolocheese for my spam earlier folks. or mini-spam i guess. idk i loooove 20+ year old media YAAAAYYYYY

[philtstone]

38 (fake kisses), your choice of Star Wars characters

#38 -- fake kisses

this is very silly, but the idea remains a classic one

Critical as it is to protect their strung-out ranks from Imperial infiltration, the subject in question necessarily cannot be an easy one to bring up. First, they need all the bodies they can get, if not in the least just to keep warm. Second, and more importantly, morale is at stake. If order and cohesion are to be maintained, one can't be going around throwing accusations of treason at just any guy who looks at you funny.

The assemblage has outlined this point very clearly for themselves, on the pilfered clearboard set up against Hobbie Klivian's ship wing.

"Well, sure, but we're not just going around throwing accusations," says Luke, to general mutters of approval. The fact that Luke is here lends weight to the conversation; Wes is owed money, Wedge is owed money by Wes, who cannot pay him back until he is paid in turn, Hobbie has to share a bunk with the man -- he snores -- and Han's opinions on the matter stopped being relevant the moment The Accused got that girlish giggle out of Her Highness.

Luke (much as he has his own giggle-related biases) is a decent sort. He'd never throw an innocent under the proverbial Y-Wing for selfish reasons.

"I don't know though," Luke is continuing, with a thoughtful, consternated shake of his golden head, "there's something about him that doesn't sit right with me, guys."

"Unreliable," offers Wes, referring to the unpaid debts.

"Inconsiderate," says Hobbie, of the snoring.

"He's practically a stranger," says Han, gesturing widely in the air with one hand, as he is wont to do. "What the hell do we know about him, anyway? He just waltzed in here two weeks ago and now he acts like he owns the place? Me and the kid had to prove ourselves, you know."

"Han's not even enlisted yet," agrees Wedge, as if this illustrates a grave necessity for long-term probation.

"And I'll tell ya what, Luke --" Han, who is ignoring Wedge, points with significance -- "his eyes are too close together. That's never a good sign."

The subject in question -- one Erich Telv, having committed no obviously evidenced sins outside of being a slightly below average sort of being who was unfortunately charming enough to make Princess Leia laugh -- is still in a debrief with the brass. He was sent on a scouting mission not two days ago, and with little to go on but their individual gripes and the general impression that Leia has been more stressed than usual in Erich's absence, a committee has convened. Chewie, who gracefully declined participation, has been spending the duration of the meeting cleaning his favourite hairbrush in the corner.

"Now see here, gents," says Wedge. "We gotta be real sure of ourselves here. We need evidence. Hard facts. This could be serious."

"The morale," says Wes, pointing with the wrong end of a mop at their clearboard. It reads ORGANA WILL KILL US IF WRONG in Wedge's poor Basic penmanship, underlined twice.

"Who cares about the morale!" says Han. "I'm telling you, this guy's trouble. By the time we get your hard evidence he'll have already pulled a fast one."

Chewie, who is now inspecting a matted lump of hair just extracted from the brush, makes a low growling sound that even the most amateur of Shyrriwook speakers can understand.

"WHAT?!" comes the collective outcry.

"Kissed him!" says Luke, distraught.

"When?" demands Han. "Telv? That wormy little nobody? He ain't her type!"

Nobody suggests that there is no real evidence for this declaration.

"A gambler and a snorer, you mean?"

"Hobbie, in the grand scheme of things, your insomnia is not the worst of our troubles --"

"I knew I had a bad feeling about this ..."

Chewie confirms it happened just before Erich's scouting mission. He saw Leia do it and everything -- he thought everyone knew. Wasn't that why this meeting was taking place? Because they were concerned for her safety?

"Gentlemen," says Wes, amidst multiple spluttered protests that yes, of course, that was exactly why -- perhaps also the good of the Alliance -- and then of course, Han's added insistence that he didn't care what the Princess did or when, or, indeed, what happened to her at all -- "I am starting a new betting pool."

The door to Command, situated across the hangar bay, opens at this exact moment.

Erich Telv is bodily thrown out into the hall. He lands face first onto the floor.

"Pathetic!" comes Leia's raised, icy voice, immediately behind him. She strides out into the bay, her sleek little blaster drawn and pointed; the occupants of Echo Base's Hangar One pause to watch with open-mouthed interest; Erich, rather visibly, cowers. "Despicable! Moronic! Really, Mister Telv, to think that I wouldn't notice your especially idiotic brand of spy games is possibly one of the most singularly dolt-headed things I have ever encountered in my natural born life!"

"Please," pleads Erich, the yellow thatch of his annoyingly abundant hair standing up wonkily as his quivers. It appears as thought Leia literally kicked him out of the command room via his backside, as he keeps rubbing it. "Please, I was only just --"

"You were trying to make a few extra credits and you tried it with the wrong Rebellion, Erich. If you weren't such a miserable slimy little freight blister I'd almost feel sorry for you. Celchu, Darklighter, put him in the brig. We'll decide what to do with him later."

The whole thing happens in less than two minutes. Afterwards, Leia walks over to them.

"Hello," she says, a touch awkwardly. She looks pleased with herself, but also hesitant, as though the events that just transpired might garner her ill will of some kind. "I'm sorry everyone had to see that -- it's awful for morale. But Telv was being so obvious about it it was starting to get on my nerves."

Hobbie, Wes, and Wedge blink; Han's mouth closes with an audible click.

"Force, Leia," Luke manages, after a beat, "you knew Telv was a spy the whole time?"

Leia looks startled. "Oh -- of course. He was using an open channel to send our supply inventory to anyone who was listening. I'm not too worried about our location, but --" Her eyebrows crease, highlighting her large expressive eyes, "Don't tell me you all had suspicions too -- oh, but you should've said something --"

They scramble to assure her otherwise.

"No -- no! Uh, ours weren't really concrete," Luke says quickly.

"Just a gut feeling," says Han, over-loudly, not meeting Leia's eye.

"We, you know, didn't much like the man, but it's a serious business, accusing someone of treason --"

"Luke just had a Force premonition or two ..."

"... Never killed a guy to have a brainstorm session, if you take my meaning --"

"Now, don't take this the wrong way," interrupts Wedge, glancing sideways at both Han (who is still staring at Leia in faint amazement) and Luke (who keeps nodding, like this will absolve him of his participation in The Committee), "but did you really kiss the idiot, your Highness?"

Leia's look of confusion is very momentary. She arches a pointed brow at Chewie before turning back to the group, whereupon she seems to notice their clearboard. Looking on in mild amusement, she says, somewhat dryly, "Well, Carlist didn't believe my suspicions. I figured the stupider Telv thought I was, the easier it would be to have my evidence."

Again, there is a tightness right at the end of her words that stops any otherwise thoughtless comments that might have emerged. Luke's distressed expression clears into one of gentle understanding. Han visibly swallows down any lingering disgruntlement and grins widely. Wes, who is in charge of the clearboard, writes down evidence: slimy little freight blister under their other points.

"Well, there you have it," says Hobbie. "One of us should've just kissed the man."

"I vote Luke, next time," says Wedge. "The Princess shouldn't have to do all the work."

"Aw, Wedge, volunteer yourself, why don't you -- I don't wanna kiss the Erich Telvs of the galaxy!"

"Yeah, give the kid a break," says Han. "He hasn't got the necessary experience to fake a good kiss."

While the others bicker, Leia catches his eye; in spite of everything already said, she doesn't expect the touch of genuine concern in Han's expression.

Wild and unplanned, she mouths I'm sorry I kissed him -- what has she got to be sorry for, Leia will ask herself later, a bit viciously -- and any lingering bad feelings over the Erich Telv debacle are forgotten in wake of the honest, stunned look on Han's usually cavalier face.

[singinprincess]

Look... I know JLH is really really good at the sad faces and the contagious crying but you know what else she’s good at?? Being cute and cheerful and happy. What I’m saying is we deserve more HAPPY MADDIE BUCKLEY.

[teacasket]

where skz would take you on your first date

genre: fluff   au: non-idol au   warnings: none   word count: 0.6k   pairing: gn!reader x ot8

bang chan - park

Your first date is a complete surprise. He told you to dress nice, so you were expecting to go to a fancy restaurant, but it’s actually a picnic under the stars! He’s got a basket of caprese sandwiches, watermelon slices, and a whole apple pie. While the two of you sit on a red gingham blanket to eat, he makes up silly stories about the stars, and you tell him the real stories about the constellations.  He then asks for you to tell him some about the moon, thinking that you don’t know any, but you surprise him with one about two lovers. 

lee minho - cat café

His cats are the most important things to him, so he absolutely needs to know if you like them too. Also, a whole afternoon surrounded by cute kitties? Absolute heaven. You are beyond excited when you walk into the café. When you coo over every single cat that passes by and try to pet every one, he has to stop himself from joining in because he can’t let you know his weakness. When a tabby chooses to curl up on your lap and take a nap instead of his, he’s a little offended but simultaneously pleased. If the cats like you, then surely he will.

seo changbin - amusement park

Changbin doesn’t go to amusement parks for the rides. No, he goes to win stuffed animals at the game stalls. He wants to impress you by winning a giant bear at the dart throwing booth, but as it turns out, you’re way better at the game and end up winning it instead. He finds this incredibly hot. The bear sits between you two when you ride the ferris wheel at sunset. Since you can’t kiss him on top of the ferris wheel like you wanted, you kiss the bear instead and make him take it home. It takes you very little convincing.

hwang hyunjin - ice skating rink

Hyunjin knows how not to fall when ice skating, so he’s pretty much an expert. You have limited experience, so you’re clutching the wall for dear life while he coaxes you to trust him and hold onto his arm. When you eventually cave in, you cling to him like a koala as he teaches you how to properly glide instead of just marching along the ice. After a few rounds, you feel brave enough to try on your own, fall, grab hyunjin’s arm in panic, and accidentally bring him down with you. That kiss he gives isn’t an accident though.

han jisung - movie theater

He’s nervous and regretting his choice to watch a horror movie with you. He was betting that you would be scared and that he would be able to hold your hand to comfort you, but the problem is, he’s also scared, and he definitely can’t hold your hand because his palms are sweaty. You both end up panic-eating all of the overpriced popcorn, and now you’re in distress because there’s a popcorn kernel stuck in-between your front teeth. Luckily, both of you agree that since this is a terrible experience, another first date is in order, preferably ones with no horror movies.

lee felix - arcade

If Felix knew how competitive you were, he probably wouldn’t have picked the arcade. You are an absolute demon at air hockey, and he’s convinced that you have to be cheating somehow because there’s no way you scored five goals in a row. Same thing with the basketball free throwing game. When he beats you at DDR, you demand a rematch three times before reluctantly surrendering because he’s just too good. However, the claw machines best the both of you, and you’re the one who has to drag away before he loses all of his money trying to get that alligator plush.

kim seungmin - beach

It turns out to be more like a photography session. With his camera, he photographs you playing in the waves, looking for seashells, and doing your best not to scream when a bundle of seaweed gets tangled in your legs. While he helps you out, you take pictures of him with your phone, laughing as you capture his grimace when he holds up a long strand to show you. Afterwards, he suggests that maybe the boardwalk is a better place to be and offers to split a churro with you. And what do you know, the vendor has heart-shaped churros.

yang jeongin - pottery class

He really wants to reenact the pottery scene from the movie Ghost. The instructor sees this as well, so when she notices that you’re having some trouble getting your cup into the exact shape you want it in, she suggests that jeongin help you out. He sits behind you, cradling your body with his, and gently guides your hands. It’s way more intimate than he expected, and he’s bright red afterwards. You seem too busy with your brand new cup to notice, but when it’s time to paint and glaze a few days later, you guide his hand to draw a perfect heart in the center of his bowl.

[skinks]

hi!!! what are your favourite movies? like actually good ones but also any trashy comfort movies? is IT (2017) one of them?

Hello!! IT (2017) IS ABSOLUTELY ONE OF THEM oh man, thank you for this, I love talking about movies!!!! This is possibly the most difficult question you could have asked me. Apologies for how absolutely off the rails this got, I just... love movies so much lmao

I’ve said this before, but opening night of IT ch1 was the best cinema experience I’ve ever had, I’m so glad I got to see it with a fully packed audience who were all laughing and screaming together the whole way through. I’m a huge fan of... everything ch1 was doing, the 80s nostalgia, the summer-coming-of-age themes, the solid ghost train funhouse JOY of the Pennywise performance and scares, the washed-out cinematography, the tiny background details to make everything that much more eerie, the kids’ ACTING?!

Like, a lot of the time I find child actors can be really awkward and stilted to watch, but I remember leaving the cinema really impressed by JDG and Sophia Lillis in particular. I liked that they were all allowed to be little shitheads with potty mouths, it felt like a callback to 80s movies like The Lost Boys or Stand By Me. The whole thing worked to make me really care about what happened to the kids (even if I do still have issues with how they handled Mike. I understand even ch1 had limitations with juggling so many characters, but still). I saw it another 2 times in the cinema and have rewatched it at least, I dunno, 7-10 more times since then?

Add to all of that the retroactive CANON R+E baby pining subplot? I just love it, as if that wasn’t obvious by now given my Whole Blog. It’s a really special movie to me!

Anyway!! Ok, the main handful of movies I rewatch all the fucking time are:

Back to the Future, The Lost Boys, Pride and Prejudice (2005), Jaws, Ferris Bueller’s Day Off, The Breakfast Club, Ocean’s 11, POTC 1, The Dark Knight, Inception, Die Hard, LOTR trilogy, Snatch, The Nice Guys, Logan Lucky, Mad Max Fury Road, Clueless, 10 Things I Hate About You, Billy Elliot, Dirty Dancing, Tomb Raider (2018)...

Those are the easily consumable ones that I’ve seen so many times I don’t really have to concentrate or think about them, but I really love them and unfortunately often KEEP rewatching them instead of new stuff. It would take too long to go into why I love all these movies so much because I could write the same amount as I already did for ITCH1, and everyone already knows why those movies are good, so, lol.

I think I’m gonna have to subdivide and categorise this whole post because there are too many separate criteria for... goOD MOVIES, AUUHH 😩

Okay so first off, HORROR MOVIES? I’m especially in love with Re-Animator (1985) and its sequel Bride of Re-Animator, they’re such good examples of camp and batshit 80s practical effects, and also EXTREMELY funny. I’m actually just gonna post my list of my fave horror movies that I do actually keep on my phone at all times lmao. These are in no particular order:

Wholeheartedly recommend every one of these. I’ve never been so scared in my life as I was watching Hereditary in the cinema, hoo boy. Mother! by Aronofsky is one of the strangest experiences I’ve ever had (and I actually saw it on the same day I saw IT ch1 for the first time!! That was a fun day)

Psycho (1960) and The Fly from 1986 should also be on there but I couldn’t fit them in the screenshot.

I’m a HUGE fan of a ton of martial arts movies too, like Kung Fu Hustle, Shaolin Soccer, Ip Man, The Raid movies, John Wick 3 is my fave of the trilogy, Drive from 1997 with Mark Dacascos is incredible, SPL 2, Ong-Bak, Operation Condor, Project A, Iron Monkey, and Zatoichi (2003) are some favourites.

My favourite Tarantino is Reservoir Dogs, fave Coen brothers are Raising Arizona, The Ballad of Buster Scruggs and O Brother Where Art Thou. Love some old-timey colour correction and weird offbeat dialogue. I also love Goodfellas!!! And Donnie Brasco! And The Firm, I’m so easy for any good crime/law/gangster/heist procedural like that, especially if they’re from the 80s or 90s in a super dated way.

Fave Disney movie is Tarzan, favourite Ghibli movies are Spirited Away and Lupin III. I remember watching Spirited Away during a thunderstorm one time and it being.... god! Transcendent! Favourite Pixar movie is The Incredibles (the first one. ALSO the documentary “The Pixar Story” is great and well worth a watch, it’s very comforting for some reason) and my favourite Dreamworks movies are HTTYD1 and Spirit: Stallion of the Cimmaron.

I tend to watch more anime movies than tv shows, so stuff like Akira, The Girl Who Leapt Through Time, Summer Wars, Journey to Agartha, and my ultimate fave anime is Sword of the Stranger (2008). The climactic fight in that movie is fucking stunning and should be counted in “bests fights” lists right alongside anything live action

Also if we’re talking animated movies another hearty favourite is Rango, and a Belgian stop-motion (which at one time I considered my favourite movie ever) called Panique Au Village (2009) which is one of the funniest movies ever made imo.

As for TRASHY movies, I’m not sure if that’s the right word for how I feel about these ones but.. dumb/silly/slightly guilty pleasure movies? Ones that I feel need some kind of justification lmfao

Troy - something u must know about me is that I’m a giant slut for the Assassin’s Creed franchise, so if a movie smashes historical and mythological nonsense together with fun costumes and sword fights, I’m gonna enjoy myself. Even if they should have made Achilles and Patroclus gay. Other movies in this vein are King Arthur: Legend of the Sword, and Immortals (2011)

Gods of Egypt - I know all the reasons this movie is whitewashed bullshit. But it was already bullshit with giant Anubis mecha and giant snakes and bad acting and ridiculous CGI and frankly I had a blast at the cinema (my friend who I forced to come with me did not have a blast. Sorry H***)

Avatar - yes, the one with the big blue people. This movie gets a lot of flack nowadays but I really do enjoy it just for the spectacle. The full CGI world technology was so new at the time and I love to wallow in the visuals and daydream about riding a cool dragon around in the jungle

George of the Jungle - I’ll defend this movie to the death ok this movie shaped me as a person, it is fucking hilarious and Brendan Fraser is the himbo to end all himbos. It’s perfect. The song Dela is perfect. I still want to write a reddie AU about it. It’s one of the best movies ever made and I’m not being ironic

Set It Up - I KNOW this is a dumb Netflix original romcom but consider this; it was funny and the leads had great chemistry. I got butterflies. I once watched it and then literally immediately set it back to the start so I could watch it again

The Brady Bunch Movie - when people talk about great satires or parodies you will see them bring up the same movies over and over again, Blazing Saddles, This Is Spinal Tap etc, but they never talk about The Brady Bunch Movie from 1995 for some reason, which they should. It is one of the funniest things I’ve ever seen and every time i watch it somehow it gets funnier

Some more general favourites that I do still love but don’t rewatch as often, and don’t wanna go into more detail about are:

Moon (2009), Crna Mačka Beli Mačor, The Sixth Sense, Parasite, The Handmaiden, Tremors, Wet Hot American Summer, Tucker and Dale vs Evil, What We Do In The Shadows, Hunt For the Wilderpeople, The Secret of My Success (I love kitschy 80s movies, is that obvious by now), The Green Mile, When Harry Met Sally, Rear Window, The Odd Couple, Breaking Away, Pan’s Labyrinth, To Kill A Mockingbird, The Eagle, Gladiator, The Artist, The Extraordinary Adventures of Adèle Blanc-Sec, Call Me By Your Name, Master and Commander, Pacific Rim, Kiss Kiss Bang Bang, Legend (1985), Emma. (2020), Flash Gordon, Trolljegeren, Hross í Oss, Beverly Hills Cop, Coming to America, WarGames, District 9, Ajeossi (2010), Tracks (2013), Sightseers, Mud (2012), Pitch Black, Four Lions, Shaun of the Dead, Starship Troopers, The Truman Show, Withnail & I....... Jesus Christ ok I need to stop

NOTABLE EXTREME FAVOURITES that I didn’t include in the regular rewatch list because they’re too heavy/not as well known/require more attention.:

Thin Red Line (1998), Badlands (1973) both dir. Terrence Malick

Malick’s brand of dreamy impressionistic filmmaking is something I find really appealing, both of these movies are gorgeous and unusual and poignant and, in the case of Thin Red Line at least, have a lot of things to say about a lot of rough subjects. I don’t totally understand all those things sometimes, but a theme with a lot of my favourite movies is that I’ll be more likely to love something long-term if it raises unanswered questions, or is surreal/esoteric etc. Plus the cinematography is incredible, and I wish there was a way to get Jim Caviezel’s narration from The Thin Red Line as an audiobook because it’s very poetic and soothing.

Let the Bullets Fly (2010) dir. Jiang Wen

This movie is WILD, it’s so much fun. It’s sprawling and intricate and epic and smart and really fucking funny, it! Has! Everything! A gang of very tolerant outlaws!! Jiang Wen’s beautiful broad chest!!! Chow Yun Fat absolutely DECIMATING the scenery, and the two of them outsmarting each other in order to gain control of a small Chinese town!!! Plus it’s long, but it packs so much nonsense and intrigue that it goes by really fast. Wow what a flick

A Field in England (2013) dir. Ben Wheatley

I know I included this in my horror list but aaaaahhh ahhhh Wheatley is one of my favourite directors (he also made Sightseers, and is directing the Tomb Raider sequel which makes me absolutely rabid.) This is a surreal black-and-white psychological horror black comedy set in the English Civil War about some deserters who may or may not meet the Devil in a field. People eat mushrooms. It’s bonkers. I love being blasted in the face with imagery that I don’t understand

Mandy (2018) dir. Panos Cosmatos

Speaking of being blasted in the face!!!!! This movie... I saw it in the cinema and I can’t even begin to explain the experience, but I’ll try. My favourite review site described it like this:

“...somewhere between a prog album cover come to life and a metal album cover come to life, and subscribes to both genre's artistic tendency towards maximalism: what it ends up being is basically naught else but two glorious hours of being pounded by bold colors...”

So, prog and metal are my two favourite genres of music. This movie opens with the quote “When I die, bury me deep, lay two speakers at my feet, put some headphones on my head and rock and roll me when I'm dead.” and then a King Crimson song, it is SURREAL to the nth degree, it’s violent and bizarre and Nic Cage forges a giant silver axe to destroy demonic bikers and there is a CHAINSAW DUEL. A galaxy swirls above a quarry. Multiple animated horror nightmare sequences. At one point a man says “you exude a cosmic darkness” and releases a live tiger. At another point Cage says, in a digitally deepened voice, “The psychotic drowns where the mystic swims. You’re drowning. I’m swimming.” and I haven’t stopped thinking about it for two years

Paper Moon (1973) dir. Peter Bogdanovich

Really fantastic movie set in the Great Depression (and also in black & white) about a conman and a little kid who may or may not be his daughter, running cons across the Midwest. It’s beautifully shot, so sharp and sweet and the progression of their dynamic is really well done because they’re played by an IRL father and daughter. Tatum O’Neal was NINE YEARS OLD and she’s so amazing in this movie she’s actually the youngest person to win a competitive category Oscar. I keep trying to get people to watch this fbdjfjdbf it’s wonderful

Alpha (2018) dir. Albert Hughes

THIS MOVIE IS A VICTIM OF BAD MARKETING ok, the trailers made it look like some twee crappy sentimental Boy And His Dog Adventure, plus it had voiceovers in American-accented english? That’s a total disservice to one of the coolest things about this film; the fact that they got a linguist to construct an entirely original Neolithic language that all the characters speak for the entire runtime. And yes, it is eventually a Boy And His Wolf adventure, but it’s COOL and fairly brutal, and it has some really incredible cinematography. The landscapes are so strange and barren and alien, you really get the sense that this is an ancient world we no longer have any connection to. And it’s also about like, the birth of dog & human companionship sooo it’s perfect.

Free Solo (2018) dir. Elizabeth Chai Vasarhelyi, Jimmy Chin

The Free Climbing Documentary. I loved climbing as a kid, I love outdoor sports, and I love movies that elicit a physical reaction in me, whether that’s horny, scared, real laughter, overwhelming shivers, or in the case of Free Solo - HORRIBLE SWEATING TENSION. Like, I knew about Alex Honnold beforehand because of this adventure film festival I go to every year and I followed him on IG so obviously I knew he lived, but the actual climb itself was torture. My hands sweat every time I see it!! It’s incredible, such a cool look into generally what the human body can do, and more specifically, why Honnold’s psychology and life means he’s so well suited to free soloing. It’s such an exercise in getting to know an individual and get invested in them, before they attempt something very potentially fatal.

Brokeback Mountain (2005) dir. Ang Lee

I can’t even talk about this. When I was around 13 I snuck downstairs to watch this on TV at 11pm in secret, and my life was forever changed. I wouldn’t be who I am if I hadn’t seen Brokeback at the age I did. I seriously can’t talk about this or I’ll write an even longer essay than this already is

God’s Own Country (2017) dir. Francis Lee

The antidote to Brokeback Mountain, I’m so glad I managed to see this one in the cinema too. It makes me cry every time, as someone who’s spent years working on a cold British farm with sheep it was very realistic, which is expected since Lee grew up on a farm in Yorkshire. I love that this movie isn’t really about being closeted, but about being so emotionally repressed and self-loathing that the main character finds it so hard to accept love. Or that he deserves to be loved. The cinnamontographies.... lordt... but also the intimacy and sex scenes are fucking searing wow who hasn’t seen this movie by now. 10 stars. 20 stars!!!

Tomboy (2011) dir. Céline Sciamma

I saw this years ago but I’ve never forgotten it, it cut so deep. It’s from the director of Portrait of a Lady on Fire and it’s about a gnc kid struggling with gender and misogyny and homophobia in a really raw, scrappy way, it reminded me very much of my own... childhood... ahh the central performance is amazing for such a young age. I haven’t seen Portrait yet but I feel like if you went nuts for that, you should definitely check this out, it’s lovely.

Donnie Darko (2001) dir. Richard Kelly

EVERY TIME I WATCH THIS MOVIE I UNDERSTAND LESS AND LESS and that’s what I love so much about it. I love surreal movies, I love time-fuckery and stuff about altered perception etc etc and Donnie Darko scratches all my itches. I wish I could find a way to figure out an IT AU for it, because I know it would work! Somehow! Plus it’s got the subdued 80s nostalgia and I found it at an age when I was really starting to explore movies and music and the soundtrack FUCKS.

Offside (2006) dir. Jafar Panahi

I wish more people knew about this!!! It’s an Iranian film about a disparate group of women and girls who are football fans and want to watch Iran’s qualifying match for the World Cup, but women aren’t allowed into the stadium, so they all get thrown into the Stadium Jail together? They don’t know each other beforehand, but it’s about their changing relationships with each other and the guards and just, their defiance alongside hearing the match from the outside and WOW it’s so lively. Great dialogue and very funny, and such a different kind of story from anything you usually see from Hollywood.

The Fall (2006) dir. Tarsem Singh

This movie... I guess it’s the ideal. This is the platonic ideal of a film for me, it has fantasy, magical realism, glorious visuals, amazing score and costumes and production design and a really interesting, heartbreaking relationship at the core of it. I don’t know why so many of my favourite films feature incredibly raw performances by child actors but this is another one, Catinca Untaru barely knew any English and improvised so much because of that, and it’s fascinating to watch! Also the dynamic with Lee Pace is one of my favourites, where a kid forms a friendship with a guardian figure who isn’t their parent, but the guardian grows to really care for them by the end. It’s like Paper Moon in that sense. What is there to even say about this movie, it’s pure magic joy tempered and countered by genuine gutwrenching emotional conflict in the real world, it’s also ABOUT old moviemaking, in a way, and it’s stunning to look at!

Mad Max Fury Road (2015) dir. George Miller

I know I included this in my “most rewatched” section but it deserves its own thing. We all know why this movie is fucking incredible. I remember clutching my armrests in the cinema and feeling like my skeleton was being blasted back into the seat behind me and tbh that is the high I’m constantly chasing when I go to see any movie. What a fucking gift this film is

Théo et Hugo dans le Même Bateau (2016) dir. Olivier Ducastel, Jacques Martineau

I only found this movie last year and it became an instant favourite. Initially I was just curious because I’d never seen a movie with unsimulated sex before, but it’s so much more than the 18 minute gay sex club orgy it opens with. No, not more than, AS WELL AS. The orgy is important because this movie is so candid and frank about sex and HIV treatment in the modern day, it was eye-opening. Another thing that really got me is that I’d never seen a real-time film before. It’s literally an hour and a half in the lives of these two men, their intense connection and conversation and conflict in the middle of the night in Paris, with some really nice night photography and just!!! Wow!!! AMAZING CHEMISTRY between the actors. This is such a gem if you’re comfortable with explicit sexual content.

Ok. This is already over 3k but film is obviously one of my ridiculous passions and I can and do talk about it for hours. I’ve been reading magazines about it for years, listening to podcasts and reading review blogs and recently, watching video essays on YouTube because the whole process is so interesting to me and I want to learn more!!

Recently I’ve been thinking a lot about the concept of valuing form over narrative. The idea that story can often come second to the deeper physical experience and emotional reaction that’s created by using ALL the elements of filmmaking and not just The Story, y’know? Whether that’s editing, shot composition, colour, the sound mix, the actors, how it should all be used to heighten the emotional state the script wants you to feel. And so, I think for a few years now this approach has been influencing the types of films I really, really love.

I think I love surreality and mind-bending magical realism in films specifically because the filmmakers have to use all those different tools to convey things that can be way too metaphysical for just... a script? I’m always chasing that physical response; if a movie can make me stop thinking “I wonder what it was like to set up that shot” and instead overwhelm that suspension of disbelief, if I can be terrified or woozy or crying for whatever reason, that’s what I’m looking for. That’s why I watch so many fuckin movies, and why I’ll always remember nights like seeing IT (2017) for giving me another favourite.

Thank you again for this question, I didn’t mean to go so overboard. Also there’s no way to do a readmore on tumblr mobile so apologies to anyone’s dashboard 😬

[cappuccinosweets]

Only You

Title:Only You 

Warnings: A bit suggestive! A bit NSFW-ish

Pairing: Jumin X MC

Description: “Hey there, i really love your writings!! So i have a request, can you write about mc and jumin are at a business party but someone approach jumin and start to flirt with him and he just accept the flirting because she was a big business partner to the company. Mc feels inferior and wandered off alone and someone approach her and flirt with her Jumin sees this and gets really jelous and really possessive .”

This was requested by the lovely @bat-yo-us.

Thank you so much! Hope I did it justice.

READ MORE OF MY WORKS HERE: (x)

It was simple really.

 A dinner with a few notable figures in the country. Come dressed in your most elegant attire, to be escorted by an equally elegant man, mingle for a few hours and then go home in peace. You had attended quite a few of these events with Jumin before and he was mostly there to accompany you through the night. You didn’t mind when he had to excuse himself to talk to the other guests. It was common courtesy, or just plain necessity. These were acquaintances of the company, business partners and investors that he had to impress. It didn’t matter, Jumin would always come back as your husband.

However this particular business partner he was talking to bothered you a bit. She was young, clearly up to date with the latest fashion trend. She wore a skin-tight black dress, punctuated by a glamorous set of fluttering lashes and full bosom. Maybe it was just your imagination but you swore you could see her actively thrusting out her chest whenever she giggled at whatever comment Jumin made. She tried a little too hard, talked a little too loudly, touched Jumin a little too much and you had had enough.

You were not the type to storm into these situations headfirst and nostrils flaring. You were a lady or at least much more so than that woman who was shamelessly flirting with your man. As usual, Jumin looked unmoved by the situation. You wished nothing more than for him to just step out of the crowd and come back to you but how could he? Typically there was nothing he could do but just not react too much and politely deter the woman’s advances. If she still insisted then he would be frank and tell her off. From the looks at how the woman still batting her eyelashes it didn’t seem to be the case just yet.

Eventually, you get fed-up and decided to wander around the venue. The event a bar and you decided to get yourself a drink. Much to your relief the area was mostly empty. The best part? It hid away your view of Jumin and his ostentatious business partner. The bartender smiled as he gave you your drink but surprised you when he said that it came from a “certain gentleman”. You looked around expecting Jumin to turn up around the corner with a sheepish smile, only to meet the gaze of a greasy looking man. Disappointed, you broke off eye contact as soon as you made it but it was too late. The man was already sauntering towards you—clearly drunk by the little swagger in his gait.

“Hello,” his breath fanned across your exposed shoulder leaving an uncomfortable set of goosebumps in its wake.

You leaned away from the man, hoping this would prompt him to move back a bit. However, he was oblivious to your discomfort, opting. The man scooted his seat closer, a toothy grin peeking out of his thin lips.

“Aren’t you too pretty to be left alone?”

“Well, I’m not.”

“Alone or pretty?” the man chuckled amused at himself, “I don’t think you can be the first one anymore, so why don’t we give you a name pretty lady?”

“That won’t be necessary,” a smooth voice interrupted from behind you. Without even looking up you could tell that it was Jumin and you knew from the expression of the greasy guy in front of you that he recognised your fiance as well.

Jumin looped his arm around your shoulders. His touch was gentle but the weight of it immediately made you feel safe.

The man turned white as a sheet. His already thin lips, drawn into an even tighter line. He sheepishly turned away from you and Jumin trying to save whatever decency he had left. It was amusing to see the drunken man sputter out his excuses.

You turned to Jumin and your smile fell. He didn’t share your amusement. His expression was unreadable and quiet for the rest of the night.

That was, until you arrived home.

“Do you need any help?” his voice was barely a whisper.

Your eyes flicked up to see Jumin reflected on the mirror. He leaned against the entrance of your shared room, sans coat and jacket, collar unbuttoned and necktie loosened. It felt like a long time since he last spoke to you. He was silent the whole car ride home and before that you had barely even talked. It was not like you had an argument. More like, a quiet spectacle—a game that you feel, then you would have lost if you had broken the silence first. You don’t think you could manage to lose anymore after what had happened tonight.

You studied him from the vanity unsure of what was next to come but you missed him. As silly as that might sound when you were together the whole night. You dipped your head, a silent approval and Jumin sauntered forward into the dark room towards you.

You stood as still as you could. Careful not to make any sudden movements that could scare Jumin away. He was close enough that you can feel the warmth radiating from him, it mingled with his scent. The combination making you feel drowsy.

Jumin was careful with you. His fingers barely brushing the nape of your neck as he combed your hair away. His nimble fingers began to work on the dark pearl clasps of the back of your dress--slowly and quietly tracing the outline of your spine and making you shiver.

This whole time you had kept your eyes on your shoes. However, you were sure that Jumin had felt you react to his touch. Sure enough, when you looked up at the mirror he was staring straight at you.

“Have I told you that you looked beautiful tonight?”

You nodded, not really sure that you could trust your voice.

Jumin continued to unbutton your dress, “I guess the whole world could see that. You’ve garnered quite the attention tonight. Haven’t you, my love?”

Flashes of him and the young voluptuous woman appeared in your mind’s eye and you finally found the anger forcing you to speak.

“And so have you,” the words were soft but you could hear the hurt in them, “but that’s nothing new.”

Jumin wrapped his arms around your waist completely engulfing you with his warmth.

“Have I made you lonely?”

He placed a quick kiss on your shoulder and immediately replaced it with his fluffy mess of  a head.

You sighed, as your temple rested on his head.

For a moment it was quiet.

Jumin was the first one to break out of your embrace. For a heartbeat he studied you before dragging his long slender finger along the line of your hip and bringing it to your exposed back.You froze under his touch. He focused on tracing the hollow outline of your lower back. Dipping once before he walked his fingers up to your neck. You could feel him draw an “X” before pressing his warm lips on your skin.

“Is this why you’re tempting me?”

Another kiss. Jumin was slowly opening your dress from the back fully exposing you.

“You smell so good. I wonder if that man noticed?”

Jumin moved your dress past your shoulders kissing every expanse of skin that was revealed. His lips trailed a feverish line from your neck to your jaw, drawing out a long sigh from you.

“What a sweet sound,” Jumin murmured against your pulse, “I don’t think I blame that man for trying to flatter you into his bed.”

You weren’t paying attention to what your fiance was saying or at this point what he was doing. You extended your neck giving, allowing him more access. Jumin had moved on to your collar bones, drawing you flush against his body.  Your dress was gathered into his fist. Your upper half was bare, your brazier completely exposed.  All your poise and composure was out of the window. You were simply putty in this man’s hands.

Jumin paused to admire you in the mirror. A faint glow of a smile on his lips. Your breaths rasped in your chest. Your face was flushed and your eyes were completely dark with desire.

You yelped when Jumin suddenly twirled you around to face him. In an attempt to steady yourself your hands grasped Jumin’s forearm.You blinked back several times as he brought a finger up your chin to face him.

“Don’t make such an expression,” for the first time tonight, Jumin looked genuinely pained, “don’t you know how irresistable you are when you do that? It makes men grow weak. I don’t think I can keep anyone away from you if you’re like this.”

“You don’t have to worry about that,” you tried to make your voice as low and as alluring as possible, “You’re the only one who can bring out this expression.”

For a moment Jumin was stumped. It was amazing to see the gradual change in his expression. From awe, to compassion and finally to complete and utter cocksuredness.

For the first time that night Jumin kissed you. There was a sense of urgency to this kiss. It was passionate and furious, you barely had enough room to breathe. Yet you brought your fingers through the tresses of his hair bringing him as close to you as you could.

Jumin brought his hands to your ass squeezing your cheeks before lifting you up and guiding you both to the bed. In your hurry you almost tripped on your dress. The two of you stumbled on the mattress. Momentarily you broke off your kiss, trying to catch your breath as you lay flat on your back. Jumin continued to trail kisses down on your neck. You could feel his frustration with  your dress as he tried to rip it away. When he had done away with the offending fabric Jumin was quick to suckle at every expanse of your skin marking you in the process. He relished at the sounds you made for him. Every nip and kiss brought you moaning and hissing, it was too much for him to bare.

Once he was done, Jumin sat on his knees and surveyed his work. You were all splayed out for him and for what felt like the millionth time he was speechless at how beautiful you looked.

“Jumin,” he shivered at your breathless plead. He could see that you wanted him--just as much as he wanted you.

He kissed you, this time just a peck but it was enough to taste your pure and unadulterated sweetness. A sweetness that only he knew of.

You were his and that was never going to change.

Restless, Jumin started to unbuckle his belt.

[junker-town]

Tactically Naive: Euro 2020 qualifying is really upping the weirdness

Everything you need to know about this delightful mess of a tournament.

Hello, and welcome back to Tactically Naive, SB Nation’s weekly soccer column. In this week’s slightly delayed edition, we look back at the grand sprawling mess of Euro 2020 qualifying, which came to an end — almost, sort of — this week.

And after 18 months hard qualifying, it’s time to say goodbye to ... San Marino

Well, not quite. But there are 24 teams going to Euro 2020: that’s going on half of Europe’s 55 footballing nations. 20 are through, with four spots left to fill. And UEFA have jazzed up the playoffs. Once upon a time, two teams would have played home and away for each place. Now, four teams will play for each spot: semi-finals, then a final.

More football! Glorious football!

So that’s 20 teams already qualified, and 16 more playing off for the last four places. Which means that after a couple years of qualifying, and a Nations League tournament as well, we’ve managed to eliminate ... yep, just 19 teams from contention. Have to imagine those 19 are feeling pretty silly right now.

Of course, it’s kind of nice to keep so many teams involved for so long. And we certainly haven’t missed the friendlies. But it’s hard not to feel like UEFA saw people say, “Eh, this Europa League’s a bit weird, isn’t it?” and thought, “Weird? You wait. We’ll show you weird.”

Groups! Get your groups!

The weirdness doesn’t stop there. Because Euro 2020: Michel Platini’s Grand Tour will be held across most of Europe (and just a smidge of Eurasia), the draw for the groups is being finessed. If a host team qualifies, they get to play at home.

Makes sense. Cuts down on air miles. They’ll know the good restaurants already.

So we already know, for example, that Italy are in Group A, because three of Group A’s games take place at the Stadio Olimpico in Rome. And we know that Germany are in Group F, to be held in part at Bayern Munich’s Allianz Arena. And Russia and Denmark both have to go into Group B, because that’s where Group B will happen.

But wait! Ukraine can’t go into the same group as Russia, for reasons of ongoing geopolitical unpleasantness. So they have to go into Group C, leaving only Belgium able to occupy the top spot in Group B. In summary, before the draw has even taken place, Group B is three-quarters full: Belgium, Russia, Denmark.

And just to lessen the tension even further, there are only two teams that can fit into the fourth spot:

Due to the host requirements, Wales and Finland can only be drawn into Group A or B. France are guaranteed to draw one of Spain, Italy, England or Germany. Portugal have 80% chance of drawing one of Spain, Italy, England or Germany (Ukraine other poss).

— Dale Johnson (@DaleJohnsonESPN) November 20, 2019

World Cup champions in danger?!

France’s qualification was ... well, it was basically fine. They topped Group H by a clear six points and only lost once in ten games. Job done.

But! When it comes to drawing the groups, the teams are allocated into pots according to their qualifying performances, and France ended up performing comparatively worse than six other teams, most notably and surprisingly Ukraine. That puts them in pot 2, which creates the situation in the tweet above when combined with the requirement that hosts play at home.

So that’s one of Spain, Italy, England, or Germany, all set to have their house party ruined by the arrival of the World Cup champions. There’s also the possibility, albeit remote, that Portugal end up in the same group as France and Another Big Team. Cross your lucky rabbit fingers, and we might just get a Group of Death worthy of the name.

Finland, Finland, Finland

We don’t have the final list of qualifiers yet, so there’s every chance this could change, but as it stands Finland are the only team that will be making their European Championships debut in Russia, or Denmark, or wherever the hell they end up.

This came as a shock to Tactically Naive. First, we were surprised that Jari Litmanen had never masterminded something beautiful to get Finland to a major tournament; and then we were outraged that Jari Litmanen had never graced a major tournament. Come on, football. Do better.

But who needs Litmanen, when you’ve got Teemu Pukki and Tim Sparv? Where Iceland went four years ago, Finland go this time around, and the whole world will be waiting to see if they can deliver the same glorious outcome: making England look ridiculous in front of the whole continent.

One day, when things settle down, I’ll try and describe what it means to us. Today though, I just wanna say thanks. Thank you for being there during the hard times. Thank you for believing. Thank you for helping us make history. We’ll be forever grateful. ( :Jussi Eskola SPL) pic.twitter.com/GGxbhcksCB

— Tim Sparv (@TimSparv) November 17, 2019

Cymru am byth

Let’s check in with Gareth Bale, who is still — despite Real Madrid’s best efforts over the summer — being paid sackloads of cash on a weekly basis.

The extent to which Bale no longer gives a single solitary shit really is very enjoyable. pic.twitter.com/eflCjhq7Pi

— Nick Miller (@NickMiller79) November 20, 2019

Back to Spurs in January, then.

The Red Misery

There can’t be many managers who have capped off a successful, unbeaten qualifying campaign with a 5-0 win, then immediately left the stadium in a flood of tears and lost their job shortly afterwards.

So pour one out for Robert Moreno — the former assistant manager to Luis Enrique at Roma, Celta, Barcelona, and then Spain — who took over as the Spanish national team coach in March after Enrique stepped down to spend time with his sick daughter. Nine games, seven wins, 29 goals and one “permanent” contract later, he’s been sacked. Enrique is coming back.

We’re guessing Moreno won’t be alongside him. This should have been a heartwarming story: one friend keeps the ship steady for another, who then returns from personal tragedy to lead his country again. Instead, per Sid Lowe, it seems Moreno was given assurances that were then undermined behind his back. And so, tears.

It wasn’t so two years ago, when Julen Lopetegui was sacked two days before the World Cup started for his heavy flirting with Real Madrid. Since then, Spain have been coached by Fernando Hierro, Enrique, Moreno, and now Enrique again. Given that Spain might be the most extravagantly talented footballing nation in the world, it’s a good job that they are constantly wracked with chaos. Otherwise nobody else would stand a chance.

To absent hosts

For the first time in Euros history, the hosts will be missing the tournament. Well, at least two of the 12 (twelve!) hosts: Azerbaijan are out, and two from Hungary, Romania, and Scotland will end up in the same playoff group.

The general consensus is that home advantage is helpful in football, and that this is exacerbated in tournaments. It seems that a national party can enhance a team’s performances far beyond expectations. Think of Russia storming through their World Cup to everybody’s great surprise, including possibly their own.

So will all these home teams have a kind of double advantage? And will this skew the tournament against the other 12 teams that are playing but not hosting? England will play three games at Wembley, a stadium in which they last lost in 2016, in front of what we can assume will be a predominantly England-supporting crowd. It might make an English group stage actually fun.

But alternatively, perhaps the disparate nature of the tournament will work against the usual tournament bounce. It’s hard to roar “It’s our time!” when you need a footnote. It’s coming home, Wembley will sing, and maybe it is. But it’s going to Rome, and Budapest, and Munich, and doing a whole mess of interrailing first.

[gadgetsrevv]

Joe Aribo puts Old Firm Derby on Nigeria’s radar

As rivalries go, the Old Firm Derby is one of the biggest in the world, but it’s not one that Nigerian fans have paid much attention to… until now.

Glasgow Rangers will take on bitter rivals Celtic at Ibrox on Sunday, and Joe Aribo, a recent Super Eagles call-up, will don the blue kit in a rare instance of Nigerian-as-Ranger.

Aribo is not the first Nigerian to play in the Old Firm Derby. Sone Aluko is the most recent Super Eagle to do so, but he was already a known quantity by the time he joined Rangers.

Super Eagles fans know next to nothing about the 23-year-old, who arrived from Charlton Athletic this offseason and has already played nine games for the Gers so far.

Some of those games were Europa League qualifying matches, so this meeting with Celtic presents his most high-profile opportunity to shine… and to impress the notoriously judgemental Super Eagles fans.


Nigerians have been more fixated on el Clasico, the Manchester Derby and the North London Derby, but now they will want to see why Aribo was called up to face the Ukraine next month.




Aribo, who was born in London, understands the stakes and is not shy about stoking the fires, saying he is looking forward to a win and, ultimately, the league title.

“I know how big the derby is,” he tells ESPN. “The fans are just football mad, both sets of fans, and it is one of the biggest rivalries in world football so it is going to be amazing to be part of it.

“It will be great to start with a win. It’s what we need in order to get the push to go ahead and win the league. You don’t want to come into the dressing room with regrets so we want to leave it all out on the pitch.

“I hope that we play well and we get the result that we need. That is the most important thing. For us to get the three points. And I just can’t wait for it.” 


In his nine matches, Aribo has hit four goals, a sparkling start to his Rangers career and one which belies the nerves that he experienced when he arrived at Ibrox.

“I was a bit nervous at first when I got here. It’s about going somewhere where you are not comfortable,” he says.

“With Charlton I was there for four years so I was comfortable. This was just going into a new environment and there are lot of different people that you don’t know and you want to make a good first impression.

“You’re just hesitant and you don’t want to seem silly so that’s why I was a bit nervous.” 




He also expects nerves when he shows up to Nigeria camp a few days later: “I will be nervous until I get comfortable around the rest of the squad and build friendships.”

Nerves aside, Aribo says making the choice to play for Nigeria was an easy decision: “I had no hesitation.

“From when I was young I knew I wanted to play for Nigeria. So I was just happy to get the call up and it was the best decision I made really.”

He is confident about the skillset he’d bring to the Nigeria camp, which has lost a couple of elder statesmen in recent months with the retirements of John Obi Mikel and Odion Ighalo.

Aribo says: “It is not like there aren’t people who are doing it already, but I can bring energy into the team, getting the ball from deep and driving forward to get us up the pitch.

“I just love to be involved in and around the pitch and the position where you get most touches is centre midfield. That is where you can express yourself and that is why I love playing there.”

But even at this early stage of his career, Aribo is thinking far ahead about what he wants to achieve a few years down the line.

“I would like to say I would have won the SPL and other trophies with Rangers. With Nigeria, I just want to play in the biggest tournaments, like the Africa Cup of Nations and the World Cup.

“That would be like a dream come true. That is what I have wanted since I was a child and it would be good to say that I was part of that.”

For now though, the immediate focus is the little matter of Celtic. 


Four fast facts about Joe Aribo

1. He is the youngest of three siblings in the Aribo household. His brother is a football coach and his sister works in finance. 

“They always say they spoil me as the baby of the house but I don’t believe it!” 


2. He has only been to Nigeria twice. The last time when he was eight years old.

“I am looking forward to it. And looking forward to playing in front of the Nigeria fans and in front of my family.” 


3. Unlike many Nigerians born in the diaspora, Aribo says he enjoys eating spicy Nigerian food.

“I like pepper so it’s not a problem for me. My favorite food is jollof rice.” 


4. He has a problem speaking his parents’ Yoruba language, but can understand it when spoken to.

“My accent is terrible though!”

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