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ventingviper-blog · 4 years

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VENT a short essay (only partially chronological)

My grandparents tried throwing me a surprise sweet 16 and it was a surprise I had fun. But I walked in and only two or three of my friends were there. One that’s still my friend to this day, another who is my current boyfriend's best friend, but were on rocky terms now and a basketball teammate. Like I know I should get over it but when you’re told the guest list after the party and realize 10 or so people didn’t show it really sucks. The party ended up being mostly family friends, all of which are my grandparent's age, and family. Like I’m grateful for the people who did show up and I still love them which is why I don’t care if my boyfriend's best friend doesn’t like me anymore he’s always gonna be a person I’ll help no matter what. But damn it really fucked up my self-esteem, I feel like most people around me purely tolerate my existence and don’t actually enjoy my company. I’ve been dealing with abandonment issues since I was a child and I can’t even feel happy trying to create a new family of friends because it stopped being worth the effort. I stopped reaching out to see people and now going out to events is a drag. We hang out with my boyfriend and his friends but honestly trying to feel welcomed in a group of people that been together since 1st grade is a long shot at best. I went with two of them to get drinks at one point and they literally stood in a way where I was the 3rd person on a 2 man sidewalk. He so badly wants me to be a part of his group of friends and I’m trying but there’s literally only 1 it seems I get along with. Then his controlling mother and ass hat of a father, literally my entire, ENTIRE, fucking family loves this man I love this man but his fucking family is a GIANT. BAG. OF. DICKS! Like I get it him and I fucked up in our last month of high school and got pregnant. I WASN’T EVEN THE FIRST PERSON TO KNOW AND I WAS THE PREGNANT ONE! My grandma, she’s amazing but also a cunt at her worst, went into MY kaiser account, she had the password, and checked my test results then called me yelling at 8:30am on a Sunday, after I’d just left the house. So in the 10 minutes it took me to go pick up my boyfriend, he was in the car, I answer the phone and its pure rage, I have no idea what's going on, so she says look at the results and hangs up. Well, we went back and told his mom, who literally says “ what is ‘current boyfriend’ going to think of me?!” great priorities there. Then I went to my grandparent's house to discuss it with them, and my grandma starts off with “ well you have one option”, which I didn’t and then after 2 weeks made my final decision but that two weeks was a living hell. My grandma threatened to revoke my brothers and my graduation trip because of everything that was going on and then said we ( oh yeah grandpa’s been silent this whole ass time) feel you should move in with your mom. I HAD NEVER BEEN MORE PISSED IN MY LIFE! THIS WOMAN HAD MY FATHER AT 17(I can do simple math) AND WAS SUPPORTED BY HER FAMILY YET SHE COULDN’T DO MORE THAN SCREAM WHEN IT HAPPENED TO SOMEONE ELSE. Then my mother comes at me from the other side saying “oh we're going to run away to Washington state and I’ll help you raise the baby” - not going to lie almost agreed to this... so we told my family cause I couldn’t figure out what to do and was honestly thinking about keeping the baby and raising it or, more likely, adoption. WELL HERE COMES THE GOD DAMN CHOIR. My grandma, a look of disgust. His father Not even dogs give away there young. My mom, and the option I was leaning towards the most actually and wanted to do, “ Your aunt had a hysterectomy and hasn’t been able to have children, is willing to take the baby and raise him” She would have raised him as his aunty which wasn’t necessary I wanted him to feel like the people with him were his real parents, and I’d just have to fly/ drive to Washington to give birth, I was ready for this one, happy about the choice. but happiness can’t last too long right, of course not. His father decides to chime in, “insert adoption comment here” oh and the pièce de résistance “If you don’t break up with this girl I will have you castrated or you can dump her.” the two options and the bonus, “If you do anything other than abortion I’ll disown you”. Threatening your son into convincing his pregnant girlfriend to have an abortion. Then his mom joins the fray of people, we go out to lunch she tells me her sob story of how she had an abortion in college and felt it was the right thing to do and feels that her son is the same soul she aborted and all that great stuff, that honestly, I don’t even know if it’s true or not. But damn I haven’t really gotten over the fact that I went through his phone during that time, yes I know It’s wrong I got over doing that after the first year, HE WAS SCREENSHOTTING OUR TEXTS AND SENDING THEM TO HIS MOTHER AND THEN COPYING AND PASTING HER RESPONSE TO ME, I was pissed so I texted him and mentioned us taking a break because obviously tensions were high and I wasn’t feeling the best towards him and he comes back almost instantly with “why? so you can ruin my life?” HE DOESN’T EVEN REMEMBER SAYING THAT TO ME BUT I SURE AS FUCK DO. That one still comes back up to piss me off every so often. So I ended up having an abortion, the medication made me vomit, I can still remember the cold tone the nurses used towards me and the warm tone to the woman next to me, we were in for the same procedure but they’d accidentally punctured her uterine wall, I still get sad and teary when I think about it and its been 5 years, I still get flashbacks to the feeling of the blood between my thighs, It was more than a period ever prepared you for and the clots are just huge, I cried myself to sleep and he held me the entire time and stayed by my. which is probably why we're still together.

But then we were put through a test again. We went out drinking one night, played videogames and whenever you lost you took a half shot, spoiler alert I. LOST. EVERY. GAME. I played maybe 6 games and ended up becoming the designated loser (loser stay till they win) I was the drunkest person there. Well it came time to go cause the host's girlfriend wanted to go to a bar but we wanted to go home when I was sober my boyfriend and I agreed to Uber home his friend parked his car in place where we could leave it overnight and it wouldn’t be towed, his friend said it’s in the lot across the street (important), well we decide to leave and my boyfriend says he’s good to drive, had like 4 beers and a shot is he’s 6′3″ ish and 200lbs. Well, we're heading out and start to go find the car, I realize my jacket is gone, I let him know. NOW ACCORDING TO HIM I RAN BACK TO THE HOUSE TO GET MY JACKET. I don’t remember this however I do remember turning around and my boyfriend was no longer there. So I ran to go find him, still no jacket, I remember checking for headlights and not seeing any so I ran across the street, checked the parking lot and couldn’t find him or his car, so I ran back. As I get back to the other side of the street, everyone's favorite light show starts and I get pulled over by two cops. Well, theY sit me at the bus stop and question me, I HAVE NOTHING ON ME, PHONE, KEYS, WALLET, NOT A SINGLE DAMN THING. So they ask what I’m doing I explain I was at a friend's house drinking a bit and came outside to find my ride, and like clockwork, my boyfriend pulls up and goes to pull up to the curb and see what's going on AND. TAPS. THE. FUCKING. CURB. Immediately the cops say “did you see the way he hit that curb?” He gets out the car to see what's up they yell at him to get back in the car nothing else, so he drives into the parking lot and parks then comes back, they're still talking to me, address, phone number, SSN all that jazz, which I somehow remembered. Then they start focusing on him, they never asked him to come over they allowed him to because he had my wallet. They start giving him the test, pupil, walking, breathalyzer I got kinda cold so they asked him for his jacket to give to me. I’m watching and then I turn around, the cars have multiplied another cop showed up, not even sure when. They start discussing something while we're sitting on the bench, then they say we gotta do one more test and have him come too near the squad car. Well, I’m talking to the other cop then I glance to see how the test is going and he’s cuffed and being put in the car. That was all the info I got they’re taking him in. Of course, drunk me starts crying and I get up and go get his friends and then the cops take his keys and moves his car back to the lot it won't get towed in, well we don’t know what to do so we decide to call his mom, I couldn’t speak because I was crying too hard so his friend spoke. They call me an Uber and it takes me to fucking Aqui’s, so now I’m drunk by myself and crying in the middle of downtown Campbell after everything has been shut down and its a ghost area. I call his best friend and don’t know what to do I just feel guilty his friend asks if I need a ride and I say no, cause you can never inconvenience someone for such a trivial matter, and make it seem like I just called crying like a crazy person ( he hasn’t really talked to me since). I get myself in an uber and to my grandparent's house, I live by myself 5 mins from their place but couldn’t be alone that night, I set up on the couch and get the it’ll be alright comfort speech. They leave I call my mom, history of abusive junky boyfriends and baby daddies with drinking problems, who would know more about someone being arrested than her? She gives me the rundown on what's going to happen and tells me not to feel guilty. So I lay my trashed ass down and watch tv and fall asleep, I had called his mom and so I knew someone was looking out for him I just didn’t know what to do and knew to go to a police station absolutely blasted would be a terrible choice, but apparently, his fucking mother was like She should be here all night worried like I am. I woke up at 3am to 5 missed calls from the police station, queue worst guilt I have ever felt in my entire life! and then the alcohol said the parties over, I vomited and dry heaved the worst tasting vomit in my life. He got picked up I went over around 10:30 11:00 no one was awake but his best friend was outside so I took him to get my boyfriend's car and keys. Literally later that day my boyfriend comes over and he says his mom is pissed and that she literally asked if he was going to dump me and when he said no she said: “then what's it going to take?”, she complained about me not doing anything saying she heard it from his friend, didn’t notice the call came from MY PHONE, “your best friend went to get your car I don't know who took him but he got it”, bitch I took him, and then “you’re not surrounding yourself with the right people” she absolutely “loves” his friends and “loved” me until we started dating, and she greets all his friends with a smile but will barely acknowledge either of us if we come inside. She blames me for this entire thing and I am no longer allowed at his house. She threatened to kick him out and make him come live with me, which would violate the agreement I have with my grandparents upon renting a place from them and is why I told him to not tell his mom I moved out because she’s prone to this line of threat. ( I was threatened once to be kicked out and said fuck your timeline if you want me gone I’m gone and moved in with my mother). His parents literally referred to me as “that stupid little girl he’s dating” and when describing what happened his mom said she was being stupid and running around in the middle of the street then walked up to three cops and started talking to them. I got pulled over, the most I could have done was acted like I hadn’t seen them. The only thing I really feel guilty about is that I got let off without even a warning they just kinda brushed over me and went straight for him. We now have an arrangement that he’s never allowed to approach me when I’m with cops. You wouldn’t think you’d have to have that talk.

Summary: I’m really fucking done with my boyfriend's shitty parents and I’m about to tell them to fuck off. But my boyfriend just wants peace in this world so now I’m here.

I’m also still recovering from trauma throughout my life.

Edit: He blew a .08 on the field test the legal limit exactly and then .06 in the lab thats less than 15 mins away

#family #abortion #dui #drinking #family drama #bitches

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thatdiscovampirething · 7 years

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Some headcanons about Oswald and Ed’s childhoods/earlier lives, and then of their lives together.

(the childhood sections are both pretty depressing, and Ed’s in particular has some details of ableism and emotional and physical abuse)

Oswald

After Gertrud was thrown out of the Van Dahl house, she did consider getting the situation ‘taken care of’. She never trusted doctors (neither does Oswald really, unless it’s an emergency, which is a whole other post), and ended up visiting a back alley abortionist/midwife. She couldn’t bring herself to go through with it though, and the same woman she visited ended up delivering Oswald a few months later in Gertrud’s apartment. (Her name’s Annie, she’s irish, and could kick your ass despite being like, 80 now)

Gertrud smoked while she was pregnant, and only quit after Oswald was born because it was one of the few things she could cut out of her budget to afford to feed them both.

Gertrud worked a series of low paid kitchen and waitressing jobs, and the two of them moved around quite a bit. It wasn’t until Oswald was 10 that they finally settled in the same apartment they share in season one. That was the first time they’d lived somewhere where Oswald could have a bedroom of his own.

In addition to giving him an Americanised last name, Gertrud was determined that Oswald was going to speak English ‘properly’ despite it not being her first language, and used to read to him from some decidedly archaic books. They also didn’t have a TV for a long time but they did have a radio.

Gertrud used to buy Oswald’s clothes from thrift stores, in sizes way too big for him, so that she could take them in and then let them back out again as he grew.

Gertrud never had any boyfriends or lovers, as far as she was concerned, Elijah was her one true love and there couldn’t be anyone else. Anyway, so long as she had Oswald she would never be lonely so what did she need anyone else for...

They never had a computer (Oswald still doesn’t ‘get’ computers, which Ed finds both sort of cute and endlessly frustrating), but they did have a typewriter that Oswald did homework assignments on.

Oswald never went to prom. Senior year he got dressed up, told his mother he was going and let her take photos, then went out and stole a bottle of whiskey and drank most of it on a bench by the docks. He got picked up by the cops (led by a still in uniform at the time Harvey...) having fallen asleep there, and spent the night in the cells.

He never went to college because they couldn’t afford it. That’s the reason he gives anyway. In reality, one of his teachers had been pushing pretty hard to get him a scholarship - his grades were good enough - but it would have meant him moving out of state, and that would have broken Gertrud’s heart.

Ed grew up in the suburbs outside of Gotham

His parents, Mr and Mrs Nashton, were high school sweethearts who got married soon after graduation. It was not a good idea and they were pretty miserable together, and had Ed hoping a baby would fix all their problems. Spoiler alert, it did not.

The Nashtons were comfortable enough financially. Not wealthy but not struggling, at least not until Mr Nashton lost his job when Ed was in his teens, which caused a major downturn in their already rocky relationship.

Nobody ever really suspected anything was wrong in the family because it was all very much behind closed doors, and it wasn’t all terrible 100% of the time. Ed’s dad had been a football player, a real mans man with a set idea of what he thought his son should be like, and any time Ed showed any sign of living up to that he would latch onto it and things would be okay for a while. He taught him how to ride a bike, he built him a tree house... but Ed used his bike to ride to the library, not go off on adventures with other kids. The tree house didn’t have a ‘no girls allowed’ sign on it and a gaggle of boisterous preteen boys hiding out in it, just quiet little Ed with his books and his puzzles. Mr Nashton didn’t understand Ed in the slightest and took out all his frustrations about how his own life turned out on him, starting with emotional put downs when he was small and escalating into more physical stuff when he was older.

Mrs Nashton was no better, resenting Ed for not being the magic bandaid baby she’d hoped for and wishing she’d made other life choices. The older and less ‘cute’ he got the less effort she put into pretending she was happy being a mother.

Ed was never tested as a child to confirm if he was autistic or neurodivergent in any way, because his ableist father refused to even contemplate the idea. Didn’t stop him calling Ed a ‘freak’ later in life.

Young Ed wore a lot of oversized sweaters and went through a bow tie phase in high school.

Ed did go to his prom, and spent the whole evening trying to work up the courage to ask a pretty girl from his science class to dance. In the end he ended up asking her if she wanted some punch, despite the fact that she was already holding a cup, before disappearing back into the shadows to berate himself for being a loser.

After the final big showdown with his father about the SATs, Ed made the decision that as soon as he could leave home he was going to and would never look back. He applied for college in Gotham City, organised all his own loans and financing, moved into halls, changed his name to Nygma and never looked back.

The key difference really is that Gertrud and Oswald didn’t have any money but they had each other, while Ed didn’t want for much in terms of material things but didn’t have any sort of emotional support system. They were both lonely, outcast little boys, but Ed’s family placed the blame for that solely on him while Gertrud blamed everyone else.

They’ve ended up with very different skill sets. Ed can cook gourmet meals and has pretty advanced medical knowledge, Oswald knows how to survive on 5 dollars a week and has an extensive list of folk remedies for things. Ed’s good with technology, Oswald isn’t squeamish about dealing with rats and roaches. They can both sew, and they’ve agreed to disagree on the matter of spiders (Ed wants them gone but doesn’t want to get near enough to deal with it, Oswald would rather have spiders than flies and anyway killing spiders is bad luck).

Ed doesn’t have a lot of good memories surrounding the holidays, after the age of around 8 they just started getting really tense and unpleasant. Oswald meanwhile has all of Gertrud’s old Christmas ornaments, including ones he made as a kid, and loves decorating the manor. He tones it down a lot when he realises how it affects Ed, but Ed likes seeing him happy so it all balances out.

Ed has attempted to get Oswald into video games, but Oswald never quite got the point of them and generally just watches Ed play. Also Ed uses all sorts of abbreviations in text messages to get more information into them, often eschewing punctuation in favour of word count unless he’s trying to make some sort of grammar related point. Oswald writes texts like he’s writing a letter, no matter how many times Ed has pointed out that he doesn’t have to sign off at the end, it says who it’s from at the top of the screen...

Oswald introduced Ed to bubble baths. Ed still prefers showers for actually getting clean, but he now at least gets the ‘fun and relaxing’ side of baths.

#nygmobblepot #gotham #edward nygma #oswald cobblepot #abortion mention #abuse mention #most of oswald's section is really about gertrud i have a lot of feelings about her apparently #kind of want to write some ficlets based on some of this but until then

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