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#being a childhood pregnancy survivor and a diy termination survivor and a tokophobe and (as far as i know and unfortunately) still fertile#is a fucking heavy weight rn#im js#i have to keep myself on a news diet#and when i do see whats ppl are trying to do i have to shut up bc i basically only have 2 ppl i can vent to without being shut down#or talked over or treated like an idiot or outright ignored#and thats some fucking insult to injury bullshit#so im just over here#quietly absorbing that there are ppl who would rather i commit suicide than get healthcare#and that there are ppl who would tie me down like an animal until i give birth then toss me out like a used napkin#and that if i ever find myself in that situation again itll be like it was then#alone in secret with no one to be with me and no one to help after and so scared of being found out#staring down the barrel of that trauma while ppl celebrate and demand that it get even worse#knowing that other ppl will experience it and theres nothing i can do to stop it#i just wanna puke
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