#sterseeds

[flameontheotherside]

Dumb Dumb Dumb...

I know making fun of myself or putting my self down is unhealthy but I’m feeling extremely stupid. I might be getting Bragi (George) and Set (Matthew) incarnates messed up. It’s really getting to the point I’m starting to realize God is testing me. I know “preach” a lot about how knowing the future is wrong and bullshit and not good. My shitty excuse in my case is real and authentic anxiety. I don’t want to be put through mud again. I just want my independence for a little bit. Yes, I know my illnesses might prevent me from doing it but it doesn’t mean I can’t try. I WANNA TRY! Autism/Bi-polar didn’t stop people from doing what they want. I have a business I want to make full-time once I get a disability check!

Fuck it! I’m telling God he’s right and I messed up. Knowing the future is bullshit. I should “practice what you preach” and just forget about all of it. I know I’m in the right track. However the mix-up and confusion is giving me a hard time on top of the move and everything else going on with my complicated and twisted life. 

I’m just going to follow what I’ve been saying all along and just ride the wave. 

Ugh! It’s just so hard because my anxiety is getting worse. I’m worried about leaving my friends behind, not having my cat, Vince ruining my life, the new place I’m moving in to, all the packing I have to do, the adjustment to new rules and regulations regarding the half-way house situation, ect. For me, it’s a lot of shit on my plate and I hate to sound like a whiny little bitch but I can’t take anymore shits right now. It’s not healthy and I get it. I get what God is trying to say.

He wants me to stop worrying about my future.

Fine, whatever, I get it. Like live “in the now” and all the crap we spiritualist like to preach all day long. It’s hard. It’s incredibly hard especially when you have an anxiety/panic disorder with everything going on. I’m having to stop more meltdown from over-thinking. How does one stop freaking out over this shit? I’m terrified. I’m scared. I’m completely confused and borderline depressed to the point of just getting myself baker-acted. 

Eriks TENTH death anniversary and birthday is right around the corner. I’m going to be a complete mess. Will I have my friends or family for support? Will I even be able to be coherent for two months? Can I even discern my “abilities” or lose my psychic-ness, go completely insane in the membrane?...Fuuuuuck! I’m just going to take a walk or something.

😘💕❤️ Yall stay chill!

Check out my store where I offer detailed and credible readings. Please note that pricing is subject to change.

Please visit: Twin Flame Medium

(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:・ﾟ✧Don’t forget to take a look at Erik’s blog ran by his amazing mom Dr Elisa Medhus. Lots of stuff about his afterlife and 💩 at channelingerik.com.

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[444names]

the entire article on elves from tolkiengateway.net + roman and brythonic deities + greek islands

Abelsos Ablinks Abnounted Abore Abrip Acces Acepited Actiovros Aegalquen Aftect Agert Ageryinnis Agessasi Agiaed Agiri Agorth Alonnist Amakrotta Amentumna Amortingus Amula Andervid Andox Aneptus Anniuse Anted Apips Apona Apoulaza Ardaws Arealida Ariat Aring Artart Artimissa Asight Athacked Athed Atird Atortuall Atucimes Avalid Barin Basery Bathanks Bativa Bectic Beend Befula Belebos Belly Belus Bereand Beria Betas Beteren Blanyam Blespiris Bleve Bonrval Borin Bowistona Brana Brinvulane Calack Camicaa Cappent Capreas Capult Cased Casomarn Catus Cauntions Caunwor Cenish Chered Chori Cipeasta Claysi Cleces Cliaming Coccous Colle Commos Comoncle Conate Conday Coned Conimarks Contividis Conysi Corge Coria Coros Coule Coutalsos Creativio Creighown Criminus Crinowelwë Curing Cyberted Daboet Dagentin Daionorthe Dakold Dandë Darther Dearoposed Decam Dedinexa Demight Dencic Detianena Diadi Dianios Dimakrow Dimpar Dirsto Dishavity Ditanan Ditel Doloust Dongs Drabars Drisin Dwanaoup Eateriatia Eather Elecianda Elerin Ellus Elmearia Ementiona Emids Enallarces Entmonia Erinalkond Essace Estas Eubridon Exple Expron Extirisi Fachri Fagolwë Faill Falifnos Faltunds Famous Fancons Fanimitia Farimousi Faurly Fausia Favease Ferafolown Fesivis Ficisi Fieve Fingos Fingus Fivestive Folos Folsonina Forbos Fornion Forvant Foussemang Fouttold Fradeopey Fravia Friment Fulasopold Fulia Gerran Giclants Ginwë Godius Grablibed Graking Grard Grasionis Greadar Greatina Grupi Hairased Halinxil Hammand Hapol Herin Higic Hilazar Himborill Hippenn Hipsargos Hirsa Hound Hrends Humezart Humpson Idittor Ikingo Illeted Imbelly Imight Inommor Invis Invisagra Inysa Istem Istreatta Itagirna Itarnus Ithoution Itise Jannords Jorcs Jourthous Jousa Juveariely Juventent Juver Kakougus Kalaus Kalergorn Kanuing Karta Kasongual Keanus Keaput Kefer Kelorbood Kergentzed Kided Kukally Kyril Kyths Laires' Lairi Lairins Lannus Laque Larify Larlically Lathata Laway Leepii Lemele Lences Lerevarkos Libeled Libestrit Liblarra Liddy Lienal Lienreed Lifin Livandë Loccastal Louts Lúths Mabel Mabled Maeged Maing Makyr's Manter Masough Meardaro Mellinuss Memega Mides Mited Mogial Morinow Morkworda Mosen Mouna Mulagente Mulain Mykour Mystor Mythalvar Mythist Nallo Nanus Neanyst Nermsemen Nimainta Nobara Noeasmina Nonianigus Noreta Normand Notasona Nouptua Noweanted Númabehaia Oberien Ocards Oelly Ofally Oguissamos Openg Oponis Orboded Otheados Oturn Pagold Parea Parefer Paring Paripsomen Parly Pastress Patmencena Peoni Perest Pestypies Phamarenna Piongs Pioular Polking Poteds Potins Ppeat Prarcs Preartater Prelb Priandy Prings Priteus Prolossou Prossof Psyros Quencas Quires Ranoi Rebion Rentmonis Renuirduus Repax Rered Rhalks Rhaslose Rioing Rossades Rotion Rudark Saccel Sagotia Samorth Saroker Saromed Scepts Schert Scommouns Screfus Sectaserin Semoders Sends Sented Senthipal Serind Shalië Sharat Shellarney Shintened Silathing Silisioney Simorda Skall Skina Skoutsouty Skyrna Spaximnus Speacce Specto Spera Sperfeseta Spousaus Sprompes Stersee Stion Stirs Stisully Stoni Sulate Suornered Suors Talki Tells Teurned Theyrok Thilouss Thina Thing Thriss Thysing Ticali Tornergesi Touncing Trammor Trong Twoof Unnyarakor Unrovia Untits Uppeopoed Usussidisi Vacons Valaðnis Vancla Vandolda Vatina Vendist Venwë Verman Vigar Virta Vislesimed Vitall Viternus Viting Vocifon Vorily Vulation Wared Waria Waricti Welefer Welwyth Wenusson Wervolous Whalm Wheirtuork Whide Whons Whought's Wordarped Woril Worsa Ælfing

[flameontheotherside]

Froggy Frogg Frogg

I'm a bit Froggy all jumpy and shit. Lol Maybe it's because I have had an intelligent conversation with a person who volunteers in the computer lab. Let's call him Computer Lab-dude. He's cute but more importantly what I think is the coolest is that he's been volunteering here for 10 years.🙃 He's there to help people with putting together resumes, look for work, and yatta yatta. Well… Fuck that's crazy. But in a good way because I totally respect that. Before this hoopla landed on my lap, ironically, I wanted to do volunteer work too. About a year ago 😅 I wanted to collect disability and volunteer so that my happy ass isn't getting fat and sassy.

Eh, so Computer Lab-dude said he'd be back every Tuesday. 🤔 Now thinking about it I might have seen him before? Idk but I'm kind of mad that in the 4 months I've been here fucking around I've not noticed him! Lmao this is the guy that turned his head when I was talking to a friend about bands like 😂👌 Rob Zombie and Nine Inch Nails. In the corner of my left eye, I saw him move his head and it was just hilarious. I'm still laughing about it. Omg… Am I horrible? Oh wait, I actually have seen him around before. It was always so dark though. Yeah now I'm thinking, yup. At least once or twice. Hmmm…

In the talk we had, I had to know more...

...Because I'm nosy. 🤔 He's kind of an engineer for some software company. My memory is a dick… I had a friend who did that. Worked for Citrix which I think is a big deal. Computer Lab-dude asked what I did and I told him briefly about my interest in computers, technology and gaming. He lit up, like lit the fuck up and said basically how much he loves gamer-girls. I'm like… Eeerrrr kind of freaked out. He had on this grin like he just won the lottery. It was cute. 🤣 But he asked what games and I ran through a list of a few I like. Told him about the emulators I use in place of consoles since I built it specifically for gaming… And music but forgot to be specific about the music part.

So what's a girl like me doing there? I told him I left a boyfriend. Am I a student? No. Why not go to Connecticut? No family up there anymore. Why not with family here? I wasn't ready for that question so I said I have none. 😞 What a royal fuck up. But it's true that everyone has their own thing and no room for me. I can't fault them for that! We aren't really connected and I hardly know what's going on. 🙄 Until there's a death of some distant relative that I haven't heard of or from in 15 years.

Soooo I was going to go back to the computer lab anyway…

Computer Lab-guy said he'll be there every week and hopefully he is. I also hope we can be friends. I've learned my lesson now. I'm too old to make mistakes. So in case anything happens I'm ready to take his number. I need a friend on the outside who has his ducks in a row! Just you know, stable, responsible, drug free, and just a good person overall. Here it's like a unicorn. 😂👍 Good luck finding one here! While you're at it, Holla at me when you find gold at the end of a rainbow. 🤣 👏🏼👏🏼 I'll be the troll taking your change before you cross "the 7-mile bridge" should any daring snowbirds venture to the Florida keys. Omg omg hahahaha hilarious!

All I know and kind of want to know is that he really does like me enough to tell me he'd be there every week, and help me. I think 🤷‍♀️. He said I'm young and smart. Well these days I'm not too clear on the smart bit. I know he wanted to say I'm beautiful too lol. 😆 I'm totally kidding (...no I'm not) and these losers over here aren't it. So I might be stupid but I'm not dumb. The men are disgusting and I have to distance myself. Keep myself relatively busy until 4pm. Why does this happen to me? I'm just asking for trouble. Like I say "no", but then it's like God is testing me! I have too big of a heart. I have to stop giving it away.

😘💕❤️ Have a good weekend!

Check out my store where I offer detailed and credible readings. Please note that pricing is subject to change.

Please visit: Twin Flame Medium

(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:・ﾟ✧Don’t forget to take a look at Erik’s blog ran by his amazing mom Dr Elisa Medhus. Lots of stuff about his afterlife and 💩 at channelingerik.com.

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[flameontheotherside]

The Push

Dear lord the Tumblr app is so spotty, I can’t rely on it to post my shit without having to start all the fuck over again. It wont save or post so instead of crying all over my phone with the possibility to ruin such a decent phone for little poor me. I just re-downloaded my music and then some! With space still left for the N64 and PSP emulators. I’m kind of lazy right now. Procrastinating. Not sure if this is part of some kind of hypo-mania. I really give no fucks right now. My focus is trying not to go to extremes. I have a bad habit of having black and white sight. Then there is going from 0-100 miles per second to being excited or happy or pissed the fuck off. Yes all in a matter of seconds. 

Mood-swings is a common symptom of women being on the Autistic Spectrum. I really got to work on that by assessing my emotions and start caring about them. It’s so hard because I’ve lost patience with people’s bullshit. I’m used to being cooped up in my office doing this, watching YouTube, recording tracks, learning bass tabs, learning Spanish/Dutch and get out my pendulum before sleeping lol. Yes even thought I can have conversation with him without it during the day, I prefer to use my pendulum because I like the action of it and it’s a time of day I learn the most.

Four months in this bitch.

Yup...and I’ve been in and out of the hospital because of the breakdowns I have in response to the drama around here. From someone threatening my life...twice to someone shitting all over the shower and not cleaning it properly..twice. I can’t take it. I’m waiting for my disability and in the meantime I’m here writing up a bunch posts, watching YouTube, and going to them gym.

Reminds me I need to go back to the gym. I’m down to wearing SMALLs and it’s freaky because not long ago I was nearing obese at 171lbs. I’ve always been this skinny but after Erik’s death, I started heavy meds and they blew me up teetering from 160-155ish before Wellbutrine and not working the shitty job made it easy to lose the weight. I’m a little afraid of gaining it back so I eat healthier....Probably not enough. I’ve become anemic so I’m trying to eat at least dinner here at the shelter. Meh...

Nowhere to go but up?

Honestly I have no idea where I’ll end up. Well I’m waiting for my disability check to come through. I think my caseworker and I are going to get Legal Aid involved to help push my approval up. It’s kind of a good thing it’s taking this long because it becomes retroactive meaning I collect 800 x the months since my application to the date of my approval.

Reminds me I have paperwork to get to my SSDI caseworker now!

Check out my store where I offer detailed and credible readings. Please note that pricing is subject to change.

Please visit: Twin Flame Medium

(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:・ﾟ✧Don’t forget to take a look at Erik’s blog ran by his amazing mom Dr Elisa Medhus. Lots of stuff about his afterlife and 💩 at channelingerik.com.

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[flameontheotherside]

Wow...

Well my heart just sunk.

I think a "friend" of mine got killed but I heard she only got beat up. She's the one who threatened my life twice. I still feel bad she was kicked out of this program. Hope she's okay. Erik won't tell me anything and Im glad. I rather know from someone else. Someone who abuses drugs. All of them are self medicating. I hope she gets help. Sometimes it reminds me that...

... I've outgrown my phase of using psychidelics. 😇

😒 For experimental usage btw...I don't or didn't heavily "party". It's kind of stupid if you can use it for a good purpose. I've done Molly, XTC, blow, meth, heroine, a little bit of shrooms, obviously I smoke (rarely anymore), and ONCE had a little issue with "K2" which is something I'm not particularly proud of or wish to visit again. All I do now is smoke. MOST uppers make me tired like I've drank a ton of coffee or Monster. The crash is the same. Sometimes worse. Not really worth it. I'm usually prepared for emergencies but uhhh... Yeah. 😑

Basically I don't really have an addictive personality. If I was, I'd be somewhere else roasting whatever is left of my brain cells. I don't want to be that person that "doesn't come back". Seen it all especially in hospitals and friends who fried thier brains. It's sad but it's a cautionary tale. A necessary one.

🤣👌 So I stick to weed and alcohol on occasion.

Weed when I want to chill and a few beers at a kareoke bar or party or on a weekend a bottle of wine, tissues, ice-cream and a movie all wrapped up in a blanket. My ex called me a baritto. Like a fermented bean barrito. But that's not what I miss most. I miss cuddling with my cat and erik watching Netflix or YouTube. The real Netflix and chill. Rather a person alive but at this rate I'm going to be a crazy cat lady for the rest of my life.

😘💕❤️ Happy Friday!

Check out my store where I offer detailed and credible readings. Please note that pricing is subject to change.

Please visit: Twin Flame Medium

(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:・ﾟ✧Don’t forget to take a look at Erik’s blog ran by his amazing mom Dr Elisa Medhus. Lots of stuff about his afterlife and 💩 at channelingerik.com.

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[flameontheotherside]

Stuck In A Hard Place

This shelter reaks of negative bullshit. There are people with mental illnesses, drug addicts, doing drugs in the back, been to prison and still think they are in prison. It's hard every day since my mom's been gone to keep my head up. Anxiety is so bad I can't help but worry and worry and worry. It's hard to stay present but it's not like I don't try.

My mom's bed used to be by coincidence right across from mine. She's been gone about a month. I miss her. I was supposed to move to the halfway house she's in. They told me several times when my move date was. The last time, they waited very last minute. Had me pack everything and had me also waiting 3 hours only for them to tell me I wasn't going!

I really don't understand it.

Not 100% sure what my purpose here is anymore. The past 3 years have been bad leading up to now with landing in the shelter in the ghetto losing everything in the process. Yeah sure I should be greatful. I was up until my life was threatened twice! 🤯 I'm completely at a loss here. Is there something I'm missing?!

People/friends are leaving left and right. Dealing with chaos, unpredictability, drama, inconsistencies, etc. It's too much. I find myself every now and then asking why and how did I get here and how is this not my fault. If I didn't chose a douchebag of a boyfriend 8 years ago, I probably wouldn't be here. It's no one's fault but mine.

I'm going to be evaluated tomorrow.

It's for being accepted in to a halfway house for people with mental/developmental disabilities. I'm trying to remain positive. It was supposed to be yesterday but as most things. Plans fell through. 🤷‍♀️ I have no idea where I'll end up. For all I know they can kick me to the curb. Then it's back on the streets for me. It was hell. Never been homeless before all of this. I guess in some ways it's humbled me but hardened me too.

😘❤️💕 Have a great day!

Check out my store where I offer detailed and credible readings. Please note that pricing is subject to change.

Please visit: Twin Flame Medium

(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:・ﾟ✧Don’t forget to take a look at Erik’s blog ran by his amazing mom Dr Elisa Medhus. Lots of stuff about his afterlife and 💩 at channelingerik.com.

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[flameontheotherside]

Being Kind...

Because I want to be remembered as such. Not just for the brownie points, but in hopes I’ve done something to help someone because you never know it’s their time to go to God/Source.

...And you (may) never when your time is up either.

[flameontheotherside]

Discharge

Saw my caseworker this morning. She gave me the news that there was talk of discharging me from the program. I was denied from going to the halfway house at the very last minute. So excited and bags packed and ready to go. For almost three weeks, I counted the days and then after three hours of waiting, I was told that I couldn't go because they don't take families. My mom is there right now and I don't have chronic homelessness. From a week of being on the street, I know I can't survive.

I stopped hanging out with Matthew because he was expecting a relationship. At this point in life, being that I'm in a shelter without stability, I can't afford to be caught up in another relationship. I don't think it will work out anyway. I need something different. I love myself enough to walk away. I love myself to know that I deserve better.

I'm only on the street because I had to leave an addict.

It's not like Im a deadbeat. I'm pending disability without a criminal record, history of addiction, or baby daddy drama or children. I'm not sure how I ended up feeling like I don't deserve better. Maybe it's rejection and how I attract people who don't seem to understand that stability is important to me.

I also gave up on George. I get the point Erik and God tried to make. It's that I don't need anyone. I need to focus on myself. Was doing well until he blew me off and it hurt and I veered off the tracks. But if I am what Erik and God tell me, how come I'm constantly hurting? I understand we have to go through hell to get to heaven. But this is a bit much. Im facing the street again without anywhere to go! What am I supposed to do now? I literally have no one and nothing. I feel completely discarded, discouraged, depressed and I've had enough.

I remember God's done some great things.

... And taught be so many good lessons. I don't question his, my grandmother's and Erik's, help. There is only so much they can do. Just because they act as guides and I have a direct like to them doesn't mean my life is easy. How do I learn if the road is easy? My human side is angry and so hurt that I can't see a way out.

😘💕❤️ Have a great day!

Check out my store where I offer detailed and credible readings. Please note that pricing is subject to change.

Please visit: Twin Flame Medium

(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:・ﾟ✧Don’t forget to take a look at Erik’s blog ran by his amazing mom Dr Elisa Medhus. Lots of stuff about his afterlife and 💩 at channelingerik.com.

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[flameontheotherside]

Step Back: No Plans

Shortly after the last post, I was told that my transfer to the halfway house was denied last minute. Honestly I don't know what to do right now. Had to get away from campus and accompany Matthew to get a new pair of shoes.... 😑

First it was:

You can't be transferred.

You can be transferred because you need individual care.

You will go in two days.

Oops supervisor is on vacation for two weeks. You have to wait two weeks.

Leading up to today I had to mentally prepare myself for the new environment, find storage space and pack.

Then last minute after dragging all things down to be loaded in the van... Oops supervisor says due to the fact my mom is there I'm suddenly unqualified....

🤯🤯🤯🤯 ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME ASSHOLE?!

... Furious. I blew up. They say they will keep trying to convince them that my mom and I aren't an issue. We take care of each other for fucks sake!

Whatever. I'll take a break and calm the fuck down.

😘💕❤️ Good night!

Check out my store where I offer detailed and credible readings. Please note that pricing is subject to change.

Please visit: Twin Flame Medium

(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:・ﾟ✧Don’t forget to take a look at Erik’s blog ran by his amazing mom Dr Elisa Medhus. Lots of stuff about his afterlife and 💩 at channelingerik.com.

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[flameontheotherside]

Not Cool

I know people mean well when they tell me my experience must be "cool" and I have an amazing "gift" 🙄... Yeah, right.

Uuunhhhhhh, no...

Talking to dead people? No, I rather talk to someone who is alive because I like being normal. What is normal? But I miss it so I've learned to tune out... For the most part. Erik is fucking dead for crying out loud. If you knew the kind of fucked up shit that happened to me, finding Erik dead is THE WORST on top of life bullshit like being homeless and questioning my sanity every now and then!

Yeh, I've had cool shit happen here and there. I don't think shit happening one by one make coincidences. I've gotten art supplies, a new bag just like the one fallen apart, a new pillow and brand new phone still in the box and better than the one stolen! No, not coincidences I asked and got them! Literally fell on my lap! God really came through. I believe it's selfish to assume God or higher power is punishing me. It's ignorant to assume that God wouldn't have let my life be a wreck. I had to be pulled through so much to understand my purpose.

Things didn't pan out the way I hoped.

I seriously cry about it every day but I won't blame God for this. I'm doing my best to deal with whatever God throws at me. I just noticed when I get past each obstacle, that's how I got my new things. I trecked through mud and voila! I got new shit, all of them literally better than my old crap. Moral of the story is to never give up. I really can relate to The Book Of Job from the Bible. He lost everything but he didn't give up. He got everything back but better than before! It's king of like that!

Live a day in my shoes. Just like how I have to be schooled to communicate effectively, I had to learn like a student in how to block out things like knowing my own "future". I'm afraid of knowing so all I got was symbolic. I knew I would end up here but not like this. I knew I was going to meet Bragi but not in the way I hoped, I knew I was going to "win the lottery" but I'm actually going to get approval for disability, and that's it. It ends there. I draw a blank and my cards only tell me as much as I already know! I know nothing and it's okay. Doesn't mean I don't get anxiety because I certainly do. Anxiety is a bitch and two quarters.

It's pointless until things happen.

Another reason I don't bother reading for myself and I have no patience. Since what I got was impressions (I haven't got any lately) I really don't understand until AFTER events happen and I'm like: So that's what it meant. Then I kick myself in the ass. But I feel as normal as it gets and I like it so far. As much as I love Erik, I can't be listening to him 24/7 but I know he's there. He wants me to be happy and I will... Eventually.

I have to be honest, I really hate my life. Leaving a junkie ex boyfriend so he can live under his parents nice roof, on a nice bed, brand new computer (he trashed mine and his old one), good food, and worst of all he got a beta invite for the new WOW coming out. As per usual. I can't play it because he trashed my own custom-built gaming computer and I'm here. It sounds stupid but I put so much in to it. Before I left I had just installed Linux studio on one driver and reinstalled windows on the other. It took days to get things how I wanted and he probably beat the shit out of it when I left. Oh let's not forget the worst of the worst, he has my Odie. My cat is like a son to me. I miss him every day and it kills me to know I can't have him back until I get out of here. Getting disability can take a very long time. It's time I can't spend in a place like this. I've been humbled but with so much happening lately its pretty gone out the window.

😘💕❤️ I love yall!

Check out my store where I offer detailed and credible readings. Please note that pricing is subject to change.

Please visit: Twin Flame Medium

(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:・ﾟ✧Don’t forget to take a look at Erik’s blog ran by his amazing mom Dr Elisa Medhus. Lots of stuff about his afterlife and 💩 at channelingerik.com.

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[flameontheotherside]

Dean Winchester?... REALLY?! 😂 NO...

I really don’t see the resemblance. But i get what he’s trying to do. Since i won’t look directly at him, he wants to put me in instances where I walk past some dude, see a TV show, notice a billboard sign, ect...This time he was like, “It’s funny you posted that Dean meme on your blog.” All whistling like he’s up to something. 

Oh lawd no please don’t play with me. I can’t take anymore humiliation. Like talking to some dude and noticing that resemblance and cursing at Erik in my head while he laughs hysterically in my hear. Killing me in the process. WTF, MAN?!...So fuck it. I had nothing but time “on my side”. Supernatural was/is one of my favorite shows. I decided to stop watching until the very last season so I can binge-watch from start to finish...If i ever make it out of this shitty place alive. Hmmm...He really thinks he's like Dean Winchester. LMAO sorry I don't see it at all. Oh lawd hell naw, man. That's just trifling. Of all people why this dude? Like seriously I don’t see it because it’s kind of killing me to have to go through all the bullshit just to be pulled in to a cry-fest. LOL just kidding!

Alright so Erik is like, “Go! Go! Go!”...Meeehh...Fine I’m going to watch YouTube for the Dean Winchester watching "Best Of" on YouTube.

Erik: 😆📣 Clean up on aisle 5, we have a spill on aisle 5... 😂👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼

... Fuck you Erik. Okay maybe in music taste and how he thinks he's big shit and the car thing. I can’t even right now! I’m DONE

BYE FELICIA!

😘💕❤️ Be chill.

Check out my store where I offer detailed and credible readings. Please note that pricing is subject to change.

Please visit: Twin Flame Medium

(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:・ﾟ✧Don’t forget to take a look at Erik’s blog ran by his amazing mom Dr Elisa Medhus. Lots of stuff about his afterlife and 💩 at channelingerik.com.

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[flameontheotherside]

Baaaaaack! xD

Boy am I NOT surprised already to hear that some shit had gone down this morning in the dorm room! Matt was beat up in the shower of all places! Geee...I wonder why? Guess this is why we can’t have nice things...I don’t want a commitment especially since I’m in a shelter. I don’t want to tell my children “we met at a shelter!” I just hate the sound of it. Besides I want to stay committed to the task I came in here with like...

Focus on self-improvement and wait patiently for my disability check to come in. Which could be IDK, TBD and it kills me to death because I hate waiting. I mean this must be a test on my patients of which there is ZERO almost left on the battery. Uuugggh LMAO I’m partially dead inside but I feel good despite just coming back. Hahahahahah I may left my mind at the hospital and it’s hilarious.

It feels like I’ve come back from vacation!

A vacation away from the shelter life among degenerates and the ghetto. Seriously people are saying how I’m glowing. Makes me think somehow I’ve got an immaculate conception but I’m on my TOM so that can’t be happening. Heartbreak Hotel Florida (because I don’t live in California) was great. I stayed with a good group. We for the most part all stayed together. Usually people come and go but I was lucky enough to hang out with the same people for the 3 days I was in there. But my stay at the place came to a close as I had argued with the Dr over his decision to make me leave. As I look back I feel like a complete idiot because I didn’t realize it had been 72 hours and it was time to go back “home”. Now next time I decide to go, I don’t want to be seen there because uhhh...I am embarrassed.

😘💕❤️ I love yall!

Check out my store where I offer detailed and credible readings. Please note that pricing is subject to change.

Please visit: Twin Flame Medium

(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:・ﾟ✧Don’t forget to take a look at Erik’s blog ran by his amazing mom Dr Elisa Medhus. Lots of stuff about his afterlife and 💩 at channelingerik.com.

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[flameontheotherside]

I’m Okay!

Hey yall, I just had to get away from the shelter. Probably in a couple days as I wasn’t feeling well so I’ve had to go to the hospital. NO SUICIDE ATTEMPTS!!!

All I needed was rest. Being in a shelter is stressful! Someone threatened my life THREE FUCKING TIMES!!! I’m not even kidding and I happened to record another incident of the same “women” and showed it to head of security.

But I’m okay! I’m basically on vacation! It’s all good.

Except I got really sick from some new medication and still trying to recover from it. It made my blood sugar drop and dizzy and shit. So that was scary. There is a computer lab here so I jumped at the opportunity because who knows the next time....Even though I’m still kind of sick.

Heartbreak Hotel...WOOOOOOOO!

Maybe the after effects of this shit is making me high. Hahaha well Erik and I have been cracking jokes so it’s cool to have someone to talk to. Kind of awkward because I’m in a hospital and shit. LMFAO I was like:

SHE WASN’T READY!!!...I’m not ready to die yet goddamnit, I still have people to annoy the shit out of. Give me some time oh lawd!

Did some readings with a new deck of cards Matthew bought me and did a good job at it too. Accurate readings in a hospital? Yeah! I’m definitely not crazy.

Check out my store where I offer detailed and credible readings. Please note that pricing is subject to change.

Please visit: Twin Flame Medium

(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:・ﾟ✧Don’t forget to take a look at Erik’s blog ran by his amazing mom Dr Elisa Medhus. Lots of stuff about his afterlife and 💩 at channelingerik.com.

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[flameontheotherside]

Step Ahead

The one priority I have is getting my cat back. I have happy tears that I'm leaving this shelter for the halfway house my mom is at. There's a cat that looks very identical to Odin. It will be therapeutic to have it. 😑 Only outside though. I have plans to get this cat. Maybe bring it with me to my permanent place. Odin will have to put up with it. Idk 🤷‍♀️ I have a tendency to get attached to animals more than people. People let you down. Animals just poop on your bed or dig food out of the trash. Usually food related stuff in my experiences. Lol 😂👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼

Since there won't be much to do at the halfway house, just like home I'll use my tablet to do the usual. Watch documentaries and draw in my sketchbook. 😅 I want to try to read again. I used to be able to sit and read. If the beginning is enticing enough, I will read a book straight through... With barely sleep. Maybe reading will help me become a better "writer". 🤷‍♀️

I don't want to meet anymore "Galactic Guardians."

... Or Starseeds from The Realms. I'm not sure right now it's appropriate anymore. It kind of complicates my life 🤯. Months ago I asked to meet more. Females online but haven't really found any females IRL. Just a few guys who kind of followed me around like lost puppies. 😑 It still blows my mind because I'm used to being rejected. 🙄 Still kind of salty over George. Why not? He had no courtesy or care about what he was doing. I pretty much gathered he's just another asshole. It's my fault for caring. If he thinks I'm insane, that's his fault. Until proven otherwise, he's one hell of a bullshitter.

Not like he has is life together either. 🤣 Fuck him. His loss irregardless of circumstances. What a real piece of work. Knew just how to be a complete douchebag and did a spanking good job. 😂👌 Made me feel like I'm not good enough after just leaving Vince who already did damage.

... But I don't need anyone.

I am good enough. This is what I've learned being homeless. I'm motivated to take care of myself knowing damn well what I deserve. If someone can't be forthcoming or honest, I don't need them in my life. 🖕😆🖕 Le fuck. Le them. I hope karma kicks them in the balls.

My pendulum board is trashed. Haven't quite decided to make or use another. 😊 My telepathy with Erik is pretty much on point but to be honest I don't feel completely confident without my cards or pendulum. I try not to rely on Erik but he's sort of that friend that will give you honest advice. 🤭 Like if my dress makes me look fat, he'd hide a chuckle and my higher self would have an animated few choice words about mocking her.... "Remember, I'm just your avatar. You can't make me! 😋"... I can think for myself but Erik will interject if I'm about to do something stupid. I'm pretty stubborn sometimes and pretty much tell Erik to kick rocks and then he go, "🙄 I told you so...."

I catch myself talking out loud.

Yes, sometimes I feel uncomfortable because there are a few people here who do the same thing. However these conversations sound utterly rediculous. Like one swears she owns 5 airlines, is Obamas secret twin sister and the nsa hacker her bank account and that's how she ended up homeless. Also says she knows the president of this "nonprofit organization" who will send her to China.

😘💕❤️ I love you guys!

Check out my store where I offer detailed and credible readings. Please note that pricing is subject to change.

Please visit: Twin Flame Medium

(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:・ﾟ✧Don’t forget to take a look at Erik’s blog ran by his amazing mom Dr Elisa Medhus. Lots of stuff about his afterlife and 💩 at channelingerik.com.

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[flameontheotherside]

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This has my higher self all over it. Vanessa loves this song. Jesus 🤦‍♀️...

... And you think you were just getting to know yourself. This just reminds me why I avoided the "girly" shit.

[flameontheotherside]

Dreams Pizza And Beer

Was close to another episode this morning. Woke up to MORE screaming and yelling. I yelled at them to shut up, grabbed my headset and tried to calm myself down after taking my klonopin. This is just about everyday! I couldn't go back to sleep.

All this after a dream I had with Erik. I opened my front to him with pizza and beer, "Hell yeah buddy!",

Erik was blushing and I grabbed him to come in. It was cute.

In real life I would have ran to my room to pile on makeup and something "nice". But I was in nothing but some raggedy old t-shirt and "girl boxers".

Erik said, "You can see me", in kind of a somber way? Like kind of sad but impishly happy? I don't really have a good way of reading people.

Normally I would have gotten full-retard

As in hyper jumping around with a beer already snatched from him and a piece of pizza dangling in my mouth. I look at him when he put his keys on my countertop next to the pizza. But I was kind of shocked too. Knowing it was a dream, I took advantage of it.

"What?", I got the pizza and beer. He followed me to the living room I had music blasting but had aske siri to turn down.

"You can see me!"

Then I woke up to some lady talking loudly on the phone about some work gossip. Fell back to sleep hoping I could get back to the dream. Of course I didn't.

Erik is happy I want to move with my life. Being here makes everything hard. It's like I'm feeling worse. I don't want people to assume I'm hung up on or reliant on him. It's not exactly what this is. It's not what it looks like.

Only people will see what they want.

Generally speaking, people don't like others who have/had good things. I see that here on campus. I had a good upbringing, my grandfather was in the navy and ran the home like a militant father. I was forced to continue learning with homeschooling by his direction during the summer before he'd register us to play sports instead.

So there is a group of us who had it all and end up here. I can only speak for myself that I'm only there because I chose the wrong person to waste ⅞ years with. I don't have any records of any kind of me; Criminal, children, drug abuse. Just a history of picking the wrong person's. It only attributes to my mental fuck ups.

I grew up middle class lifestyle. We weren't rich but I had everything I needed and spoiled on every Christmas and birthday. We used to throw house parties when we got old enough. BBQs, pool and DJ to annoy the neighbors. We had a good life. Then I made good money and still lived pretty good. But traded designer shit for my expensive "food addiction".... I still bought a lot from ebay and online boutique stores.

😘💕❤️ Stay frosty my friends

Check out my store where I offer detailed and credible readings. Please note that pricing is subject to change.

Please visit: Twin Flame Medium

(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:・ﾟ✧Don’t forget to take a look at Erik’s blog ran by his amazing mom Dr Elisa Medhus. Lots of stuff about his afterlife and 💩 at channelingerik.com.

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