#still 3 hours until i leave
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bouncing off the walls, gripping the bars of my enclosure
#concert tonight concert tonight aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa#still 3 hours until i leave#wtf am i going to do#ramblings of a rafaela
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man, I fucking hate hate HATE being sick
#first it was needing to leave work and hour and a half early due to a low fever making me feel like I was about to pass out#now it's sleeping until 3 pm like two days later and STILL needing to take mucinex#this sucks! this sucks! this sucks!#I feel so clogged up and shit. I'm just. ugh.#can't wait for this to pass#hadley.txt
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#and after one last day of work (and a nearly 14 hour one bc people just love to leave things until last minute)#i just shut off my laptop and it’s not getting turned back on again until mid january#almost 7 glorious weeks of vacation to enjoy december and christmas 🥰#and i’m leaving for my dream trip in 6 days!#i’m so excited!#i’m having a cuddle with noodle (more like he’s kinda crushing me but it still counts lol)#and we’re about to go to bed because i’m sleepy#but i’m so happy i decided to take time off#also i’m so excited for advent season to start tomorrow#truly my favourite time of year#anyways rambling again good night <3
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mike is terrified of spiders. will kills them for him. REAL.
#i dont wanna hear the 'will would take them outside🥺' SHUT UR MOUTH.#he'll murder them he told me himself#stomp them to death or chuck random bottles at them until they leave#hes a practical guy what can i say#mike on the other hand. terrified#he doesnt even like confronting them so he just forces himself to coexist with them#and hopes they leave#once there was one sitting in front of his door. he was in a stand off with it from his bed for 3 hours before someone came in#and then the spider ran away and mike is terrified that its still in his room to this day#byler
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good morning everyone i still feel gross
#chuck posting.#why must i be cursed#still got like 3 hours until i have to leave for the hut so#im gonna see if it passes
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My brain is. Absolutely buzzing with fic ideas right now and last night I started on a new one because I felt like i had to at least get the premise down before I lost it, but now I'm nearly 6k words in and oh no I don't have time to get another longfic wip going.... I'm 140k words deep into two other longfics right now 😭 I want to get into it, but I have too many stories fighting for attention in my head and this won't end well if I hop between them all bc I want to finish something for once. Ahhhh!!! Darn you limited time.
#It's about to get so much more limited because I'm starting 6 day a week FFXIV prog on Monday#technically I started last night (so I was up until 11:30pm writing the first 2k words of this...) but we have today off bc I have a concer#and like. getting off work at 3:30 if i then have 3 hours of prog. an hour to make dinner. 30-40 minutes to walk/run/exercise#that's not enough time to get out many words of fic. not if i want to do other enjoyable things with my life#so my productivity is going to tank.#so far my daily average wordcount for may has been over 3k which is insane. but i haven't had raid in ffxiv this so far this month#so that means a lot more time to write. as in 3 more hours per night to write. not that i usually write for 3hrs#but still. you get the gist of it. it's also 3 hours i'm not sitting at my computer so it's easier on the body to sit at the comp and write#anyway for anyone who is reading these tags for a mysterious reason. 1) hi. 2) this is. you probably guessed it. a dmc fic#this one is based on the vergil time travel idea that spaceacerat proposed. there are so many ways it could go but-#-this is one that would take place right before sparda leaves so sparda is still there and vergil has to convince him not to go#the thing there is i'm not really sure how it would end...in my other time travel fic i DO have an explanation for how sparda died#but i developed it specifically for that fic and it would not work for a happy ending in this fic. which i'd like to have#that fic also takes place after sparda's gone so. y'know.#but yeah i...as i'm writing this i now have somewhat of an idea for an ending but it's. bittersweet? maybe? hmmm#but yeah! never underestimate my love for time travel fics it's my favorite trope of all time. has been since i met trunks dbz as a kid.#erurandomness#erubabbles
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finally getting a chance to work on chapter 15 today :-)
#shout out AS ALWAYS to people leaving comments!!!! you are keeping me motivated you are keeping the dream alive#for some behind the scenes: in the last few weeks i've been barely sleeping and it makes it very hard to write or even be in a good mood#i usually need 11+ hours to function and so like. 2-3 hours a night is putting me in a bad place both mentally and physically#and yes i realize 11 or more hours is like a silly amount of sleep but idk. it's just how i am. i go to bed early AND sleep in ahaha.#i've been falling behind in all my classes due to the sleep thing so writing for fun has totally been off the table lol#ANYWAYS#typing typing typing (this chapter will be a lighthearted one)#we all need some fluff and levity i think (and i need to give time for Riku to care for Sora even more and be like. wow. i love you)#I was struggling earlier bc i wanted to write both about how Sora has been hiding darkness from loved ones and needs to let them in#but also with the idea of sora feeling that he needs friends to have strength or value. and i kind of realized i needed to pick one#like maybe a better writer than me could have both of those things be addressed at once but for me i was like... I want Riku to comfort him#which goes against him learning that he's fine on his own. we can address that in a different fic. rn he is just sad and needs to know#that he can share that with the people around him. and that he's still loveable despite it all#also shout out to my gf for teaching me “love isn't something you deserve that's not what love is” like. i did not know that b4 her#so I asked her lots of questions for chapter 14 actually cause I was like. i want Riku to support Sora in the way you'd support me#cuz IDK SHIT ABOUT THAT i have always felt unworthy of love and like i had to beg people to stay with me until i got into this relationship#so i was like. judy. what is your wisdom. how do you care for me when i feel like my pain makes me unloveable. what would you say#So yeah shout out to her! I am off on a tangent now hehe sorry. thanks for reading if you read this at all!! have a good day :)#jtsys fic#updates
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i had a nightmare i was in the zombie apocalypse with my sister and she decided to pull off to the side of the road and 'wait out' the hoard coming right to us to get high and completely dismissed me the whole time I was begging to just keep moving until we got eaten.
ive upgraded to literally having nightmares about the night she did that at the rave. bc she ACTUALLY did that btw. she fought me for a whole hour about leaving while a guy with a gun was tweaking out LOOKING FOR US and knew we were on that bridge.
#sister posting#she let me down so bad and proved herself so untrustworthy it even manifests in my dreams#literally sad.#i still see her stupid wide eyes giving me side eye when i was begging (irl) and just not even responding#btw i was over 2 hours away from my house in a city with no one to call and with no one i knew#at literally 1 am#and she was pulling this shit#literally get so scared when i even remember it#like i could not have chosen a worse person to go through that situation with#it makes me so angry to think about#esp bc i was LITERALLY just begging her to move from that spot and to go to a fast food parkinglot#yknow#a lit place with plenty of witnesses instead of a dark bridge right next to a dark ass park with 3 males walking around?#but no#she genuinely fucking refused only until her bladder was full and then she wanted to leave immediately#but the whole hour and a half i was begging clearly scared out of my mind she didnt do SHIT#no seriously i hate her#i hate her for this shit
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one thing abt being disabled/chronically ill that some people don’t get is that sometimes body maintenance that ensures you have the absolute minimum amount of function can also be something that takes away a lot of control and autonomy. you can argue till the cows come home that making those decisions to try and help yourself (or realistically to try to make sure things aren’t worse than they already are) is something that exhibits control and autonomy and stuff, but they can be so limiting in practice because they’re things that take up so much time but have to be done to do anything else
#i have to sleep a lot. i’m at the point where functioning requires 8 hours of sleep if not more#I should probably be getting 10+ but i’m a student and i work so 8 is the minimum. but then also getting ready for bed is a whole process s#the whole thing can take 10-12 hours depending how much im sleeping. just to make sure i can do anything#that is time in my day i cannot use for anything else. it’s not ‘oh but i can push through it’ because i can’t without spending the next da#lightheaded and nauseous and vaguely dizzy and with such intense brain fog I can’t think with my fatigue so bad i genuinely don’t know how#get myself to work a lot of days. my abled peers don’t have to deal with this at all. they have unlimited study time if they want to#and yeah it is a choice i’m making that’s true i could just not do. except i would lose my job and fail out of college because i would not#be able to get to classes or do my homework or think. but being told ‘but you are making choices about your life’ when i have lost so much#of what i used to be able to do because i am spiralling down and continuing to get worse is so.#literally last year i would wake up at 6:30 and then go to school till 3 and then go to my internship until 10 and get home at 11 and be in#bed anywhere from midnight to two in the morning and then wake up the next day and do it all again. i graduated with a 3.9 gpa and made it#into my top college while dealing with my cancer symptoms and then the two surgeries about it#but now i lose half my day to just making sure i can get out of bed. i can’t go anywhere because my body is physically too exhausted#any extra time goes into doing homework or occasionally time to myself#not decimating my health by doing minimum body care responsibilities isn’t freeing. occasionally i have a good day which is freeing but tha#usually goes into just. other things outside class or work or eating. I don’t go do something for myself or go do something fun on good day#because I still can’t. good days just mean i don’t want to lie down on the pavement when i’m going somewhere#I just. I don’t magically have control over my life because i try to get enough sleep. i lose half my day to doing that and ultimately it’s#just a bodily function that would have to happen anyway#this is a vent post im just having a really hard time right now because it feels like im in exponential decline. it was nowhere near this#bad last semester. my grades are tanking and i have no free time because anything outside of sleep is either work or school#vent tw#yall can rb this just ignore my tags completely#disability#chronically ill#i keep trying to explain to people how pots works because that’s all logical but there’s no way to explain what it’s doing to my body or ho#i feel all the time. the last time i felt this bad was when i had a bad flu or immediately after surgeries because i don’t react well to#anesthesia and always come out of them feeling like shit. and now i just feel like this all the time and it’s only getting worse#I can’t even stay up late anymore because my body feels like it isn’t counting the sleep even if I get 8 hours#I can deal if I have a free day the day after but that just leaves Friday and Saturday nights and I usually still have to do homework
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why is it that whenever i’m having a bad health day work has to be extra taxing too…….Is Nothing Easy
#i couldn’t fall asleep until 6am bc of The Agonies#and i show up at work (way later than planned. i wanted to leave early 😭) and bam! hours of packing!#i was This Fucking Close to fainting earlier#i’m a bit better now but i still feel. totally abysmal </3
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#no time 2 talk i'm translating a song--#first of all. hi. i'm not leaving <3 but.#the yakuza hyperfixation hit me like a ton of bricks it hasn't done this in YEARS i usually just play the games through#and then continue on but 8 has pulled me back into 2018 so. my ykz sideblog is @okitanoniisan#also the entire series including side games (judgment/lost judgment) are on sale for as much as like 80 percent off on steam & ps store#so if you want a bunch of very big meaty games with a shitload of fleshed out side content and fun minigames#and some of my favourite characters in existence. you can get the collection bundle (7 games) for like 40 bucks#or just get yakuza 0 for less than the price of a fancy coffee. you WILL want to get the rest of the games. i promise.#hiiiiiiiiighly recommend the judgment games if you like mystery crime thriller stuff imo they're even more compelling than the main series#and gameplay kicks major ass i have like 235 hours on lost judgment alone (i was going for a platinum and still haven't gotten it)#also if you get the ykz collection go for 'yakuza: like a dragon' too it's on sale for ridiculously cheap and its like a 50 hour jrpg#(it's the 7th game but the english release would never let you know that. followed by gaiden and infinite wealth as 7.5 and 8)#but the last two just came out so theyre not on sale yet <3#go. be free. play good games.#i'm done shilling they're on sale until the 15th so go try out yakuza 0 at the very least <333#ada speaks#we now return to our regularly scheduled dennising
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y'all guess what ITS KITTEN DAY
#devin speaks#IM SO EXCITED UGH#we don't leave until noon and it's like 5am rn and i still gotta finish setting up my room#but aaaaaaaaaaa TODAYS THE DAY#i'm driving TWO HOURS to go meet them & bring them home#they're not even from the same litter gah i hope they get along#one is 3 months old; the other is 7 months#aaaaaaagh i hope this works out
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boy...
#he was being reassuring and that makes me so 🥺#until this year i never really realized how important words of affirmation are to me#always thought it just meant compliments but gosh it's so much more than that#i still don't know what the heck we're gonna do#i'm scared he'll get bored i don't wanna do anything crazy and i really don't wanna go for dinner 😭#like ok this is my problem#i haven't gone on a date in years#first dates shouldn't last long like ideally for me we grab coffee and chat and leave after max an hour (or two if i really like him)#but he's here from out of town for just one night and who knows when we'll get to see each other again#so of course our first date has to be like 3 dates at once#which idek if that's what it is 🙄 he said “we should hang out”#and neither of us knows what to do now!#i would literally be fine with just walking around the city together but idk abt him#i'm so nervous i actually feel sick#i hate that i need so much reassurance but i guess that's what anxiety does to ya#and i'm so touch-deprived i'm starting to like the things i hated 🙃#idk idk i'm anxious as hell#and i still don't know wtf to wear#**#brunch anecdotes w the girlies
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decided im just gonna keep being shithead at my regular job until they fire me bc the money id make on unemployment would be sustainable for me to live off of for a couple months while i invest more time into being at the shop
#my boss put in ALL of my pto for the past 3 weeks#to round up my hours to 40 each week AFTER he cut my hours against my will#so i no longer have the option to call out sick or leave early for appointments until i accrue more pto#which he will also probably put in without asking me#also they are STILL asking me to do shit that is not my job!!! bc nobody else will do it!!!!#next time the answer is no and if they dont like it they can fire me
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I love making au refs in a normal order. Strq wc refs coming probably at like 1:30 est
#me when I’m in est 🩵#I have to go to work until 12:30 in half an hour so I will not have time to finish the last ref before leaving. sad! and I’m not just gonna#post 3/4 thatd be weird. and mean to Qrow for his simple crime of being the last letter of the team name#I’m very excited to post them tho! I’m not too sure how happy I am with summers design but she is exactly as I planned. tai looks great but#I’m a little uncertain on his name. and Raven is perfect there is nothing I would change about her#can’t speak for how Qrow comes out considering. he isn’t done. but assuming I execute the vision perfectly it’s gonna be great#also if anyone’s reading all this strq is coming first cause I’m still not sure how I’m doing Faunus so I can’t design Blake for rwby yet#zoracontent
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Changing my phone wallpaper/cover is a nightmare because no I don't know what I want but I know I don't want that
#lifeofdee#I've been scrolling through Pinterest for the past hour or so#and now have 3 possible aesthetic#maybe even 4#ranging from slytherin (again) to spooky (edgy) or spooky (grunge) or even spooky (soft/cute)#WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO#but I did found one pic with a skeleton petting a black cat and that was just too cute to ignore#but do I keep it on the grunge side or the cute side#let's not forget about the season !!!!#which is not very helpful because yes it is freezing (it wasn't up until two days ago btw) but also there's not a single warm toned leave -#- in sight because everything is still on green-ish side or is not on anything at all? stop climate change I guess#but also *should* I match it with the season or should I do it more like motivational/vision board-like OR should I keep it -#- nice and aesthetic with something dark academia or writing/book related because nanowrimo?#nah scratch that I'll change it at least 3 times before October even ends#BUT ALSO DON'T FORGET THAT I DON'T USE THE SAME PICTURE FOR HOME SCREEN AND BLOCK SCREEN SO I HAVE TO FIND TWO AND THEY HAVE TO MATCH!!!!#yes I have nothing better to do with my life can you tell?
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