#stop equating speech to intelligence level because it doesnt prove anything!!!!

[autisticlee]

I often think about how many nonspeaking autistic people get treated like they are unintelligent, incapable of thought or learning, and will never be able to communicate, from the time they are time children. so many parents of autistic kids and even "professionals" base their intelligence and/or ability to learn and communicate on their ability to speak. it's so sad to see.

I always think about how many autistic kids might never get the chance to communicate because their judgemental parents don't try to teach them basic things or give them an alternative form of communication. so many "autism parents" seem to think if their child doesn't speak, or has impared speech, that means they are incapable of using or understanding words.

i'm sure there's a lot of autistic people who do have that disability, not being able to learn or understand words at all and therefore unable to learn communication methods i mention. but how many can learn to understand just fine and have the ability to communicate with other means that isn't physically speaking, but are never taught any language or communication skills? how many could use alternate communication if given the chance? what if instead of speaking for their child because their child can't physically speak, the parents taught them how to write, how to type on a phone/computer, how to use sign language, or use AAC device? (whichever they are able/most comfortable with) how many are denied that chance, treated like they are "stupid" and can't understand anything anyone says to them, but they understand it all and just can't communicate that to anyone?

I imagine it feels like being trapped. so much to say, but unable. people speaking for and over you, going against your wants and needs, deciding everything for you because you can't make words come out of your mouth, and they didn't give you another way to make words.

i'm semi-speaking, if that's the correct way to refer to myself? I can speak when i'm not overloaded. when i'm too overwhelmed and go into shutdown mode, i'm unable to speak at all even if i really want to. i mainly only speak to close family/friends when at home and have great difficulty trying to speak outside of home and with people i dont know well. it took me almost 2 years to be able to minimally speak to the staff at a place i volunteer every week, and still have trouble asking questions or even saying hell/goodbye. but on a good day, if I try really hard, I can say a few sentences! if i'm completely comfortable and in a stable or familiar environment, I can have "normal" conversation. though, talking exhausts me so I still can't do it for extended periods and prefer not to. I prefer to listen. I get tired and overwhelmed a lot faster if I have to speak a lot, especially when i'm not at home and in an overwhelming environment.

I know it's VRRY different from nonspeakers, but just from the experiences I had as a kid, I can kind of try to imagine how frustrating it may be for the ones who may be denied the chance to communicate: as a kid, school overwhelmed and overloaded me to the point where just the noisy school bus in the mornings caused a shutdown that lasted all day. I would be unable to speak at school at all and beat myself up over it because I could not get words out. I would try, but I was physically unable to produce sounds in the form of words. sometimes I could make a squeak sound or one word out of a whole sentence. if I did manage to get words out, it was too quiet or slurred and no one could hear or understand me. I couldn't answer anyone 99% of the time at school (or anywhere else that overwhelmed me)

people did and said things I couldn't respond to. my needs were denied. people decided things for me. other kids bullied me, the teachers bullied me, they acted like I couldn't understand them sometimes and treated me like a baby. I would sometimes write responses in a notebook or on a paper. i've had my responses torn up and thrown away by other kids and teachers. getting told to speak instead. it was so frustrating, isolating, and dehumanizing.

but there were rare times I could speak. this made them even more insistent about trying to force me to speak and was always told I was doing it on purpose (and they eventually made me believe it! I couldn't figure out why I couldn't stop choosing to do it! i had so much to say and didn't know why i could not say any of it!) trying to make me speak became a game for them. if I did say a word, they treated me like a baby or a dog doing a command. they would act like they won a game. it felt so dehumanizing like I was a circus act. they called me a scary freak and I felt like one... evenrually I learned I'm autistic and that's what's causing it, that sensory overload, overwhelmed, and stress cause me to lose my speech ability, that it's not my fault. i'm still not sure if I'm doing better now because I learned I'm autistic and can regulate it better and avoid triggers that lead to shutdown, or it's because i'm not in school anymore and spend most of my time at home where I control my environment and needs.

but I feel like that whole experience as a kid gave me a very small taste of what I imagine some nonspeakers experience. it makes me think about the ones denied a communication outlet a lot 😭 they must feel so isolated and frustrated and might not ever get or got the chance to tell anyone about it. we might never get to hear about their experiences and what they feel and go through.

even ones who are given an outlet and taught language and alternate form of communication like typing or AAC, or whatever they need, and are still treated poorly just because they are unable to physically speak or communicate...I think about you too and hope you're able to do well and keep going. I think you're doing great and i'm proud of you 💜 I haven't been able to find many posts online from nonspeakers, so if you want to share your stories, I will listen. you can write a post or find posts already made and send it to me and I will read!