#straight people will call it a love triangle n its just a bisexual guy living his worst/best life and two lesbians in denial

[allmightydepression]

Sick and tired of hindi films pitting two girls against each other for a guy when they both clearly are in love with each other n the guys just existing in bg 🚶‍♂️

[madelinecoffee]

The Right People Ch.3

Summary: Its Junior Year of college and after the break-up with her ex-girlfriend Riley Matthews wants to focus on school and her friends, most especially her new friendship with Lucas. She’s hoping that with the right people this year will be a great one. Fancast: x A/N: In this Riley is bisexual, and this fic does deal with emotional abuse. If you’re sensitive to that proceed reading this fic with caution. There is also drinking in this chapter. Next time: Lucas and Maya talk, things happen. Words: 2,926 Tagging: @iwantyoutochooseme (if you would like to be tagged let me know) Ch. 1  Ch.2

It was finally Friday night and Riley had felt like this week had been going on forever.  Her classes had started piling on assignments and she had the nagging feeling all week that something was going to go wrong. But so far nothing had and she was getting ready to enjoy a night in with just the girls. Although she had to admit to herself that a part of her wished Lucas was here too. She really liked talking to him, and his presence always seemed to make everything better. And his eyes don’t even get her started on his eyes.

She was pulled out of her thoughts when Maya asked her a question.

“I’m sorry Peaches? What did you ask?” Riley asked giving her a smile

“I asked if you were drinking tonight, Smackle wants to know which bottle she should open.”

After a moment of thought Riley responded, “Sure pour me a glass. Its girls night in and I’m ready for wine, face masks, movies, pizza and talking!”

The girls settled in around their living room in a triangle-ish shape with the pizza in the middle of them and each with their own large glass of rosé.

“So Smackle? How are things with you and Farkle? I feel like we haven’t talked about ‘girl stuff’ in forever.” Riley asked as she took a sip of her wine.

“Me and my beloved are doing quiet well. Yesterday we spent three hours just talking about theories on space. It was quiet a nice date. And how about you  Maya? Hmmm? How’s that Lindsay girl doing in your art class? I know you have a crush on her.” Smackle gave Maya a friendly look as Maya’s mouth hung open ever so slightly.

“Whaattt” She tried to play it off but neither Riley nor Smackle was believing her, “Ugh. Fine. She’s so nice and cute and she has the nicest laugh. And like I want to ask her out but I don’t know if she’s into girls.  Literally the worst part about being bi because I don’t give off lesbian vibes but I think I give off straight vibes and ugh!” Maya threw a pillow over her face as she groaned.

“Re-fucking tweet.” Riley raised her glass in Maya’s direction. “That’s always the hardest part. With things like that you just have to like ask her out and like if she says no, if you like her you could still be friends.” Riley shrugged as her phone dinged, seeing a snap from Lucas with a picture of Farkle and Zay captioned “I wish you were here, you’re more fun than these guys” She giggled as she sent him a funny face back.

Maya and Smackle shared a look as they watched Riley giggle at her phone

“And how about you Riley?” Maya asked with a raised brow and a smirk. She knew Lucas was into her best friend, and she had a feeling that Riley was developing feelings for him as well. She just wanted them together already.

“What about me?” Riley asked suddenly feeling nervous at the direction their conversation was going, she chugged some more wine to calm her nerves.

“What about you? You and Lucas make quiet the pair.” Maya responded watching her friends face heat up and not just from the wine she was drinking.

“What are you talking about? He’s like my best friend, besides you two of course.” Riley rolled her eyes, but her stomach fluttered at the idea of being something more with Lucas

“Oh please. There is some serious romantic chemistry between you too. I saw the picture Zay took of you two sleeping on their couch. The two of you looked very comfortable” Izzy gave Riley a look

“Its so obvious the cowboy likes you Riles and I think you like him to. He’s perfect for you! And unlike the bitch of the underworld he treats you right.” Maya encouraged Riley, “Come on. He’s smitten. Come on girl power ask him out!” Maya and Smackle cheered at the idea while Riley quickly drank the rest of her wine before pouring more. Trying to ease the anxiety she felt at the thought of asking out Lucas.

“Maya I told you in the beginning of the year I’m not doing that. If someone wants to ask me out and I have feelings for him or her I’ll say yes. But. I’m not making the first mood. Not what after it lead to last time.”

“Riles…” Maya sighed and tried a new tactic she had to know if Riley did have feelings for Lucas, “So if Lucas asked you out on a date you’d say yes?”

Riley thought for a long moment while both Smackle and Maya held their breaths, “Yes. If Lucas were to ask me out I’d probably say yes…” Riley couldn’t help but grin at the thought “He’s just so nice and he smells really good and he has nice hair.” Riley giggled and they could tell the wine had started to get to their friend. Riley frowned, “I miss him. I love you two but you two don’t snuggle with me like he does. He also lets me hold his hand a lot. He’s so nice.” Both girls couldn’t help but smile and giggle as Riley rambled on about Lucas.  

They shared some more laughs and did a mask and while Riley was in the bathroom Maya turned to Izzy. “We should get the boys up here. See if we can’t push little miss giggles over there and Ranger Rick together.”

Smackle grinned, “It would be nice to see my beloved.” Smackle quickly took out her phone and texted the boys. Farkle responded they would be over in ten minuets tops. The girls high fived and laughed together as they waited for the boys, but were quickly overcome with concern when Riley came out of the bathroom with a pale face. Before they had time to react the boys came in

Lucas was thrilled, he had wanted to spend more time with Riley but he didn’t want to interrupt their girls’ night. But apparently Smackle and Maya wanted them to all hang out together, and he wasn’t complaining. It meant more time with Riley and before he knew it they were at their apartment. He quickly burst through their door excited to see Riley but he immediately noticed that something was wrong. She was ghost pale and clutching her phone and looked like she was about to start sobbing. Before anyone could react he pulled her into a bear hug hoping to comfort her. She started to cry as he stroked her hair and whispered words of comfort in her ear.

Their friends where shocked at how fast Lucas had reacted, he just came in the door and within seconds he was comforting Riley. And it definitely seemed to be working. None of the friends could remember a time when they had calmed Riley down that fast. She was a sensitive soul and Paula had often resulted in her crying but it usually took a good twenty minuets to get her to calm down. And within minuets she had calmed down and was hugging Lucas back with a tight grip.

Once Riley had been able to calm down she pulled away from Lucas but quickly grabbed his hand, she knew she needed to explain but she was still shaken up and needed a physical reminder that he was there. She took a deep breath and exclaimed, “So um…lets sit down so I can explain.” Everyone found their seats; Lucas was sitting so close to Riley on the ground their legs were touching, not that she was complaining.

“Paula texted me…” Riley stopped talking for a second as a choras of “That bitch!” and “The devil.” And “fuck her” were heard from her friends and they didn’t even know what she said, Izzy noticed that.

“What exactly did she say Bubbles?” Izzy asked with an encouraging look

Riley took a deep breath and pulled out the phone and read, “You’re just an insecure bitch. I treated you the way you deserved, so I don’t know why you broke up with me. Whatever its not like you could do better than me. No one likes you anyway you hoar.” Riley’s voice quivered as she finished reading it.

“That’s not true!” Lucas shouted, “Sorry that was loud. But Ri you have to know that isn’t true right? Anyone would be lucky to have you. You deserve more than her.” Lucas pulled her back into his chest as more tears came down her face. Zay plopped down next to her, rubbing her arm.

“Yeah Sugar, any one of us would be lucky to date you. And we’re blessed to have you in our lives. Don’t cry.” Riley nodded from her place in my Lucas chest trying her best to dry up her tears. Once she had finished crying she turned towards the group,

“Sorry if I ruined the night…I know it was supposed to be fun” Maya cut her off,

“Riles you didn’t ruin the night, Paula did. And if she texts again don’t open it okay? Just give it to one of us and we’ll delete it. Right guys?” Maya gave everyone a look as she glanced around, they all nodded eagerly.

“Of course, Riley we’re here to help you in anyway we can. We love you, you’re our friend.” Farkle told her giving her a big smile.

Riley simply nodded, she had curled herself up in Lucas’ lap with her cheek resting comfortably on his chest.

“Why don’t we watch a movie?” Zay suggested, since it was going to Halloween next they decided on watching Halloweentown. They had a nice time watching it and when it was over they put another movie in and another. After the third movie Smackle went off to bed with Farkle following along proclaiming he was to tired to go back to his room. Zay called the couch not wanting to leave either and Lucas figured he’d sleep on the floor. But first he had to find a way to get Riley to bed without waking her up, during the last movie her crying and drinking had gotten to her and she had fallen asleep in her place on Lucas’ lap. Not that he was complaining at all, he loved being able to hold the brunette close to him.

What he didn’t enjoy was the smirk Maya was giving him.

“Well Ranger Rick, what are you going to do about the sleeping princess there? She wont move unless you make her.”

“Well short-stack what do you suggest I do?” Lucas asked back with a smirk of his own, he liked the playful teasing with Maya. It reminded him of his younger sister and him.

“You can just put her in bed, she’s already in pjs and her door is open. Either way I’m going to bed. Goodnight losers.” Mays gave them a peace sign as she retreated to her own room. Lucas weighed his options and ultimately decided on picking her up bridal style, it was easiest with how she was placed in his lap and the way she was griping his shirt in her sleep.

He thought he had done a pretty good job of putting her in bed, until he started to pull the covers over her. And she shot up almost hitting him in the head with her own.

“Lucas? What’s going on?” She asked rubbing her eyes, he tried not to get lost in her sleep filled voice as he answered her.

“You fell asleep watching the movie, I was just putting you in bed. Zay’s sleeping on the couch and Farkle is with Smackle.” He filled her in just in case she went to the bathroom at night and was freaked out seeing some guys asleep in her living room.

“What about you?” Riley asked concern evident in her voice

“I was going to sleep on the floor, you girls have tons of blankets.” Lucas shrugged

“No. That’s dumb. You stay here with me. My bed’s big enough for two. And I don’t want you sleeping on the floor.” Lucas was tried to shake off the shock of getting to share a bed with Riley. He knew his feelings were growing for her and this was about to put him over the edge. He wanted to ask her on a date but he was so unsure if she had feelings for him. He decided he had to talk to Maya.

“Lucas are you coming in or not? I’m cold” Riley’s voice shook him out of his thoughts

He quickly slipped into the bed with her, and as soon as he was under the covers he felt her cozy up to him. He had worn basketball shorts over and he almost jumped a mile in the air when he felt Riley’s cold fit touch his leg.

“Holy shit Ri, your feet are cold.”

“I told you I was cold, but its better now because you’re here and you’re warm.” Riley sleepily mumbled as she drifted off.

The next morning when Riley woke up she moved to stretch but couldn’t when she felt an arm around her torso. She opened her eyes and realized that she did in fact invite Lucas to sleep in her bed with her last night and somehow throughout the night she had ended up on top of him. Not that she was going to complain, being with Lucas always gave her a sense of calm and after last night she desperately needed it. She took a deep breath and tried to clear her head. But it was hard, she’d been with Paula for almost a year and most days she struggled not to hear the words thrown at her in anger or because Paula felt like she looked too happy. She’d been doing so well, but once again Paula had to ruin it. A few silent tears fell down her face and she tried to wipe them away but Lucas beat her to it. He had woken up when she had attempted to stretch but Riley had been lost in her head to notice.

“Hey beautiful girl, don’t cry.” Riley let out a forced laugh and when Lucas gave her a questioning look

“Its just…you’re so nice to me and say things like that. And I was thinking about Paula and her words, and how even though we dated for almost a year she was never as nice to me as you are. And we’re not even dating.” Riley stated with a sad shrug before he could respond Riley rolled off him and into a standing position.

“Come on sleepyhead lets get some breakfast. If the others are up they can come too” Riley pulled him out of the bed and into the kitchen. Lucas was still a little shocked that he had spent the night sleeping next to her. They found their friends all mulling around waiting for the pair, no one said anything expect Maya gave both of them a look that made Riley’s face flush. The gang headed to a cheap nearby diner for some breakfast. Just as they sat down Riley’s phone dinged and without thinking Riley grabbed it and oh how she wished she hadn’t.

It was another text from Paula that read, “You’re nothing without me Riley. You just stay in Rileytown all day well your friends put up with your silliness. Grow up bitch.” Lucas quickly noticed Riley stiffen next to him and when he saw the look she was giving her phone he gently took it out of her hand.

“Riley, whatever Paula is telling you is a lie. And we’re you going to give us your phone to delete the texts?” Lucas asked with a slight reprimanding tone.

“I was going to! But it just dinged and I look at it and there it was” Riley stated with a sad tone. Lucas noticed that the light that shone from her was dimming he wanted to help, and an idea came to mind.

“Farkle can you like make it so that it doesn’t show what Paula has texted Riley until you open the phone?” Farkle gave Lucas a smirk,

“Yeah it’ll take me like two minuets” He held out his and hand for the phone and after a few moments he gave it back to Riley

The group had a good time at the diner joking around and Riley seemed to get lighter with each moment. As they were walking back to campus Riley’s phone dinged once again with a notification. She glanced at and wordlessly handed it to Lucas.

He opened the text and tried not to look at it but that was easier said then done. The text, “You’re a greedy cheater. Just like all bi people. That’s why we didn’t work out.” Lucas thought it sounded eerily familiar but he couldn’t place it as he handed Riley back her phone, she returned it to her pocket and grabbed his hand as they walked.

She wouldn’t tell anyone if they asked but she was still shaken by the message she had read at breakfast and she was hoping Lucas could help her push those feelings away. Lucas gave her hand a squeeze and a dazzling smile that she returned.  He was happy she seemed to be feeling better, but he couldn’t help the nagging feeling about the text. Why did the wording sound so familiar?

[jasonhaw]

How ‘Jane the Virgin’ gets Bisexuality Right

Spoiler alert: If you have not been updated on Jane the Virgin, update yourself first then read this article.

Even with the assumption that mainstream media is becoming more and more “liberal,” LGBT representation in American media is still very poor. The latest Studio Responsibility Index from LGBT media monitoring organization GLAAD (Gay and Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation – but the acronym is now being used to stress the inclusion of bisexual and transgender people) gave “Poor” and “Failing” ratings on all major Hollywood studios.

Minority representation is important for many reasons. Sociologist Eric Anthony Grollman, in his personal blog, summarizes the reasons very neatly: it gives minorities a voice, makes them more visible, and validates their identity. When you see someone on TV or the movies that you identify with, doesn’t it get you excited? Doesn’t it make you feel like you’re not so alone after all?

This TIL post dissects the latest episode of the CW comedy Jane the Virgin. I’ve recommended this show in a previous blog post (which you can read here), but fundamentally the show is a meta-telenovela – it takes on every telenovela trope in its plot and makes fun of it. It also injects socio-political commentary on topics such as immigration, religion, and the family. My personal favorite episode is Season 3, Episode 3 (Chapter 47), when she finally loses her virginity, and the way that the show portrayed it is probably the best sex episode I have ever watched anywhere. There’s a great Vox article, and many others, that analyze this episode, so I won’t touch on it anymore.

But my second favorite episode would have to be this week’s episode – Season 4, Episode 5 (Chapter 69). The show’s producers probably wanted to talk about sex because of the chapter number but I did not expect that they would touch on something that still is invisible even within the LGBT community – bisexuality.

Some (spoiler) context: Adam is Jane’s newest love interest. While he’s a new character on the show (he was introduced in the Season 3 finale), he’s not a new character in Jane’s life. When they were teenagers, they planned on getting hitched, much to the disappointment of her mother Xo and grandmother Alba. The wedding never pushed through because they discouraged Adam, and Jane and Adam never saw each other again until Adam found a letter by Jane’s ex-husband Michael (May he rest in peace!). By this latest episode, they have been dating together for quite some time, Adam has warmed up to Jane’s son Mateo, and Adam has already turned down a major career offer, which would have demanded him to move, to be with Jane. So they’re really in love at this point.

But from a plot perspective, there’s this gap between Adam and Jane as foolish teenagers and Adam and Jane finding each other again. The show is starting to fill in the gaps, and this episode gave us the reveal that Adam is bisexual. His coming out process to Jane is beautifully portrayed, and I want to spend a lot of detail how Jane the Virgin gets the portrayal right.

I split the post into headers – which I will call the three stages of the bisexuality coming out process. The process works both ways – for the person coming out, which is Adam in this case, and for the person accepting the news, which is Jane in this case.

 Stage 1: Adam: Embarrassment Jane: Reflex Acceptance

Jane (J): So you’re bisexual?

Adam (A): If you’re into labels.

Here, Jane clarifies Adam’s sexual orientation. Adam gives an answer that is both clear and vague at the same time. It is clear in the sense that he is not straight, but vague in the sense that he does not definitely confirm that his “official” sexual orientation is bisexual.

Jane’s question insists on a label. Some bisexual people may want to identify themselves as “bisexual,” but a lot also want to define bisexuality as a rejection of the notion that one has to play for only one team. I like to define bisexuality as one that transcends the need for gender to be a definitive criterion for choosing a romantic partner.

J: Do you date men and women?

A: I had a boyfriend in our school when everyone was experimenting, and another in Fort Green, when everyone wasn’t.

J: Cool. It’s just that we’ve had so many long talks. How come you’ve never mentioned this?

A: It just didn’t feel that relevant.

Narrator (N): I mean, more relevant than who’d win in an epic battle between Batman and Wolverine, which has been discussed at length.

Here, Jane demands an answer why she was not informed about this. Adam’s response is an insistence that he does not want to be defined by his sexual orientation alone. While it is understandable for Jane to be entitled to intimate details about her romantic partner, it is also Adam’s prerogative when he wants to reveal those to Jane. As a comic book graphic artist, Adam would rather have a lengthy discussion about a hypothetical battle between Batman and Wolverine than have a lengthy conversation about why he is bisexual.

A: And I guess I was… nervous. It’s become an issue with people whom I’ve dated before.

J: Well, you’ve never dated me before… Okay, you have… Not recently. My point is… is… I’m totally okay with it. You have exes, I have exes, everybody has exes!

And these two lines really define what Stage 1 is really about. Adam is really embarrassed to come out to Jane because he knows that to a lot of women (and even the gay guys he has dated before), this is a relationship deal breaker. Adam knows that Jane is entitled to know about his sexuality, and he has been probably planning when to tell her since that fateful night he delivered Michael’s letter. But he also needs to be comfortable in coming out – that his coming out should not also mean the end of their relationship. Because such a dichotomy is not fair, and a problem that most bisexual men encounter on a regular basis. Most bisexual men self-select the women they date because if they feel that a woman is not open to begin with, then the whole thing is really a non-starter.

Jane’s response is very interesting because it reflects every self-proclaimed liberal who grew up in a very Catholic (read: conservative) environment. A lot of Ateneans would love to identify as liberal (as the Jesuits are the most “liberal” Catholics!) but I have come to realize that their self-proclaimed liberalism has gone unchecked. I know this for a fact because I went through a series of stress tests when I was living in Washington DC for a year. And Adam’s coming out is that kind of test for Jane. In her head, she knows she should be okay with it, so her reflexive response was that. But as we move on to the next stages, we realize that she is totally not okay with it.

 Stage 2: Adam: Disappointment Jane: Paranoia

(Lunch date)

Male waiter arrives with their orders

Waiter: Here you go… (Looks at Adam) Nice tats.

A: Oh, thanks.

Sexy, romantic music plays in Jane’s head as she thought the waiter was flirting with Adam and Adam is flirtatiously smiling back, then the waiter flirtatiously winks and leaves.

J: So, is that… your type?

A: What?

J: Just asking.

A: If I’m into the waiter?… I didn’t notice ‘cause I’m with you.

J: (whispering) Right. (nods) Sorry. I’m acting weird. I’m just trying to wrap my head around it because I’m not into women.

A: Maybe… or maybe you just haven’t explored that side of yourself?

…

A: Hey, look, is this something that’s gonna get in our way?

J: What? No.

A: ‘Cause you seem so pretty hung up on it

J: Honestly, I’m not

(Scene changes to Jane talking to her mom Xo)

A: I’m completely hung up on it! And I don’t wanna be.

Xo (X): Well, it makes sense that you are

A: Yeah because it took him so long to tell me and because there’s a double standard, you know. When women hook up, it’s looked at as sexy, but men are immediately marginalized because our whole culture revolves around the male gaze.

X: I’m not exactly following all that, but I hear you about the double standards (changes topic)

Jane was paranoid during their lunch date. She was paranoid even in a later scene, where she wondered if Adam hooked up with one of his friends, and Adam called her out on her paranoia, disappointed. The waiter was attractive, so he probably is someone’s type, but the possibility that it could be Adam’s type puts her on edge. Up until this point, she has not expressed jealousy in any of her relationships (case in point: she was never a jealous lover when the romantic plot of the show revolved around her love triangle with Rafael and Petra). This suggests that as a woman comfortable with her womanhood, she need not be jealous of other women coming near her lovers. But she is not comfortable with her personhood, that it could be the primary object of desire for Adam. She thinks of other men as competition she cannot compete with, because she cannot give what a man can. Adam loves her as a person, who just happens to be a woman. This is the fact that she needs to reconcile with herself as the show progresses.

Jane starts to realize that her reflexes were not reflective of what she truly felt about the situation. And Adam is very clearly disappointed about it. Adam knows that this is something that is going to take some time for Jane to process, but the subtext of his lines suggest that she should not have given him false hope that she was okay with it.

I appreciate Jane’s self-awareness in the scene with her mom. In the earlier episodes of the show, she was a graduate student in literature and her thesis adviser on her novel was a well-respected authority on gender studies. So she understands how the male gaze is applied to Adam’s context, and she also understands how her upbringing has prevented herself from straying away from the male gaze. She begins to struggle with her principles and how she applies it in real life. Xo not understanding how the male gaze applies to Adam’s context but applies to her own (she’s trying to convince her husband Rogelio to get a vasectomy) is a reflection of a bigger societal incompetence – not being able to wrap their heads around the concept of bisexuality.

 Stage 3 Adam: Acceptance Jane: (True) acceptance

(During Lina’s bachelorette party – Lina is Jane’s best friend who is about to get married.)

Lina (L): And you’re the longest relationship I’ve ever had (context: She just realized she was marrying the male version of her best friend Jane)

J: And you’re the longest relationship I’ve ever had

L: I love you Jane

J: I love you too

(sexy music comes on, Jane tries to kiss Lina)

L: What the hell, were you gonna kiss me?

J: What? No, don’t be ridiculous! I mean… Yeah I was…

(cut to commercial)

J: I’m sorry, I don’t know what I was thinking

Narrator: Seemed like you were thinking of making out with your best friend

(Lina chuckles)

J: I guess I’m still a little freaked out by Adam big bisexuality reveal.

L: Well, a pretty smart friend once told me, “You fall far who you fall for”

J: Yeah, but this is different. I’m not freaked out by his sexuality. I’m freaked out that he kept it from me.

L: (rolls eyes) Hmm…

J: What?

L: As your best friend in the world, and the person you just tried to make out with, that’s a bunch of crap.

J: Excuse me?

L: Don’t try to make this about him hiding. Figure out what is really going on.

J: (exhales deeply) Well, I guess it’s because…

L: Lady, tell him, not me… because it’s my freaking bachelorette party…

This is my second favorite scene of the episode. First, Adam’s suggestion that Jane explore her “bi” side really got to her and so she tried to experiment with her best friend. Second, Lina called her out on her bullshit (which is what best friends are really supposed to do) that her issue was about the timing of the reveal, when in fact it is really about Adam being bi. This show has always been reflexive, and I’m glad that they have remained consistent with the self-awareness plot device.

(later that night, back in Adam’s apartment)

J: Can we talk?

…

J: So yeah, it wasn’t that you waited a long time to tell me, it was what you told me. Which became pretty clear after I tried to kiss Lina

A: What?

J: I know. That was a momentary lapse of judgment. But you’re obviously right. I did freak out. I guess, I… I just have questions, which are silly and stupid.

A: Go on, ask me.

J: Is being bisexual a stop on your way to coming out as gay?

A: Definitely not. It just means I am open to a connection with a man or a woman. What else you got?

J: Well I guess I feel a little insecure, you know. It’s not like I can give you what a man can.

A: Yeah, you’re right. You can’t. But you can’t give me what another woman can give me either. But it doesn’t matter, because I choose to be with you. I don’t want to be with anyone else, regardless of gender.

A: Yeah, really. We’re in a monogamous relationship, which means that you’re not allowed to kiss anyone else.

J: (smiling) I know, I’m sorry. I’m sorry. If it makes you feel any better, she hardcore rejected me.

A: (smiling) Well then, she’s an idiot…

(Kiss scene)

A: (joking) Oh, Bob. (Jane gasps, laughing). I’m kidding, kidding, it’s Jim, right?

Now, this is my favorite scene, and the first time I watched it, I was in tears because Adam said the perfect words to Jane. Jane’s admission of her biases is a relief to Adam, because he knows that she is now along the road of true acceptance. Her embarrassment in asking questions is also another societal representation – our friends would love to accept us, but they are not educated about it. But they are afraid to ask.

And if there is one thing that you would pick up with this 2000 word blog post, it is this: 

The best way to make your LGBT friends know that you accept them for who they are is when you ask thoughtful questions. 

Don’t be afraid to ask, as long as you are not coming from a position of condemning your friend. Of course you are ignorant – you’re straight and you do not have the capacity to understand what non-straight people experience on a daily basis. It’s the whole idea about being with the “other” – we can never know what others are truly experiencing, but we can journey with them.

The two questions Jane asked are probably the top two questions everyone asks about bisexual people, and I promise you 100% of your bisexual friends are going to answer the exact same way that Adam did when you ask those questions to them. These questions are not intrusive – in fact, it’s an admission of your biases that allow your bi friends to accept you also as part of their journey. It means that you are open to being informed, changing your opinion, or even join them in fighting for their rights. It wasn’t just Jane accepting Adam for who he is, it is also Adam accepting Jane as a woman capable of understanding what he is going through. Let’s go back to what Adam said – he knows that his sexual orientation has been a deal breaker before, so naturally he will be skeptical when he has to come out to a new person. But Jane’s openness has allowed him to be accepting as well. He’s changing hearts one person at a time.

If you haven’t watched Jane the Virgin, then please do. And if you want talk more about bisexuality, leave me a DM at @mockingjason on Twitter. Let’s have a thoughtful and informed conversation.