#stray kids hwang hyunjin icons

[hyunjin-gallery]

˗ˏˋ ⌗ 𝙝𝙮𝙪𝙣𝙟𝙞𝙣 ⁎⁺˳ ✧ ˎˊ˗

[mykoreanlove]

Artist’s pov

It was late, it had to be.

You stood in front of your oval bathroom mirror doing your skincare, the last part of your going to bed routine. You wanted nothing more than falling asleep in your boyfriend’s arms after another long and exhausting day, but being a woman required a bit of work at times.

As you pondered the fancy creams and expensive serums into your face you noticed your boyfriend watching you. Hyunjin loved spending time with you, even if it meant just being in the same room as you. He was leaning comfortably against the counter. His dark hair was tied up into a bun, he was wearing a matching dark sweater and accentuated his look with his golden glasses which he did not need but liked to wear anyway.

He watched you cautiously, not taking his eyes off you for even a second. His gaze was intense, yet curious and complimented the small smile on his plush lips.

“Jinnie, why are you watching me?” You spoke to his reflection in the mirror.

He chuckled silently. “How can I not watch you? You’re beautiful, darling.”

You brushed his sweet compliment off by laughing awkwardly. “Yeah right, the bags under my eyes and wrinkles on my face scream beauty.”

The look on his face abruptly changed as he realized what you had just said. He got up and walked right over to you. Even after being with him for some time it was still challenging to withstand his demeanor. His musky scent and seductive aura had you intoxicated without him even trying. You tried turning your head to get a proper look at him but Hyunjin held you in place and whispered into your ear.

“I don’t want you to say that ever again. Do you hear me?”

Hyunjin looked into your eyes in the reflection of the mirror and whispered barely audibly. “Look at yourself. Look how beautiful your features are. You are so used to them that you don’t even recognize them anymore, darling.”

You darted your eyes away from his and started observing your own features. Not everything was bad about yourself, but it was hard noticing anything but flaws lately. Most times you only saw your aging face and the changes your body was undergoing. Wrinkles, creases, sagging skin – it felt like youth was running from you and you tried your best to catch up. You really wanted to love yourself the way he loved you but that wasn’t an easy feat. Not only did you feel ashamed about the way you looked, but also about not being able to love yourself. Those feelings weighed heavy on your heart, no matter how hard you tried to conceive them.

Hyunjin watched you watching yourself and frowned, very well aware that you were not seeing yourself as he was seeing you.

„Y/N“, he placed a sweet kiss on your neck, „look at me, please.“

His kiss brought you out of your head and back to reality – a reality in which this beautiful man was head over heels in love with you. It took you a second to concentrate on his words as his touch alone let you drift off to your bedroom instantly. You faced him in the mirror and he smiled coyly. “Good girl.”

He was still standing behind you, his strong arms on both of your sides, his head tilted and resting on your shoulder.

“You are so precious to me. It baffles me how you cannot comprehend your own beauty, y/n. When I look at you, I only see love. And strength. I see beauty and grace. I see so much life in you, I can’t help but falling in love with my gorgeous muse over and over again.”

You started choking up. No one had ever said those words to you. No one had ever seen you like that, especially not someone as perfect as Hyunjin. He took your small hands into his and placed them over your tummy – squeezing them lightly. You watched him place kisses all over your neck, making eye contact after each one. You relaxed more into his touch – you allowed yourself to receive the love he was offering.

Hyunjin noticed this too and spun you around. Your fingers intertwined, foreheads resting against each other, breath synchronized. You felt close to him - not only physically, but emotionally.

„Oh and also, the bags under your eyes?“, he leaned back as he spoke to you, „proof of your hard work. You work so hard to achieve your dreams and I like that. Your ambition is very sexy, darling.“

You wanted to smile but broke into a heartfelt laughter as he placed kisses under your eyes.

He also giggled. „Stop laughing, I can’t kiss you properly. Wait no, forget that. I love your laugh. I love how much you do it - you always find humor in any situation. It‘s…”. He stumbled for words. “It’s so easy to be with you, y/n. You make me so happy. You make me feel light and carefree. I love going through life like that and I don’t want you to ever change. Let those wrinkles be the proof of a life spent in joy.”

He traced the fine lines on your face and smiled sincerely. You believed his every word, knowing he meant what he said. You grabbed his right hand and placed a fond kiss on it, thanking him.

He looked at you confused. “What are you thanking me for, darling?”

Now it was your time to chuckle and place sweet kisses on top of him. “Thank you for loving me when I’m not able to.”

[yangbbokari]

An Accepted Challenge

Pairing: Hyunjin x fem!reader Genre: Fluff(for the most part), Angst(duh), High school!AU WC: 0.8k Warnings: character death, tears, yelling, pet names(princess, baby, angel), idk(tell me if i missed sum) Song rec: The One That Got Away - Katy Perry A.N: Don’t blame me, blame the TikTok I saw like 3 weeks ago

Your leg bounced up and down as you waited for Hyunjin at the usual spot. You attempted to ease your mind by pushing yourself on the swing and rubbing your hands to keep from the cold. But it was to no avail.

Just as you were about to lose hope, your boyfriend of 3 years came trudging down the dark path, his shoulder scrunched up to his neck.

He smiled and said, “Sorry, princess. Had to wait for the right time to get out the house. Everything alright?”

You returned his kind smile. “Nothing. Just wanted to see you.”

“Well, you could’ve just facetimed me. We do that all the time.”

“Yeah but I wanted to see you in person. Hold you? Maybe?”

Hyunjin chuckled before pulling you into a warm embrace. It started as a sniffle before you started sobbing into his shoulder. He tried to move to see if you were doing okay but you only held him tighter.

“Baby, what’s wrong. What’s got my princess so upset.” He gently rubbed your back and soothed your hair. “You know you can tell me anything. Only if you want to of course.”

You shook your head. “I-I just really miss you. A lot lately. I don’t know why, I just do.”

A smile spread across his face and his eyes filled with adoration for you, not that you could see. But he’ll tell you later anyways. He softly kissed the top of your head and rocked you back and forth.

When your cries finally came to a stop, you finally looked up at him. “I love you. So so so much.” ~~~ Over the next few weeks, Hyunjin refused to leave your side. Clinging to you like a baby would to a mother. This wasn’t anything new for the two of you but you must admit, it was a bit of a surprise. Usually, you were the one initiating all this cuddles.

You looked up at Hyunjin from where you could see and captured his eyes with yours.

“Hyunnie we’ve been like really close lately.”

“Why? Do you not like it?”

“No it’s not that. I just thought of something we should try.”

He raised his eyebrow questioningly. It sent you into a fit of giggles.

“It’s not anything bad I promise. Just a little challenge and I know you loooooove challenges.”

Your boyfriend leaned down and pecked your lips. “Tell me about this genius challenge of yours.” You smiled widely and Hyunjin raised his eyebrow once again.

“Okay, now I don’t know if I should be fine with this anymore.”

“You should!! It’s a quick challenge, I promise!”

“Okay. Okay! Just tell me already! Quit keeping all this suspense.” He pouted at you.

“You’ve been all touchy touchy lately and I don’t know if you can even keep away from me for a week.”

Hyunjin sat up from his position, holding his hand over his heart. Clearly offended. “Can too!”

“Can not.” You rolled your eyes.

“CAN TOO!!”

“Okay then accept my challenge.”

“Bet.”

“Shake on it?”

“Shake on it.”

You raise your hand, offering it to Hyunjin. He gladly accepts as he shakes your hand.

MONDAY: It was harder than either of you initially thought. Even though you proposed the idea, you must admit, it was a bit lonely without him. Hyunjin on the other hand just missed you.

He thought you were just talking about meeting up in person but you restricted him from texting or calling you either. This was so unfair to him. He just wanted to see his baby. His princess. His sweetheart.

TUESDAY: Tuesday rolled around and he just really wanted to text you. His phone was right there! He grumbled loudly.

In school, you wouldn’t even talk to him. He couldn’t talk to you. You’d just pass him by without a single glance and he felt his heart break. How could you be so cruel?

WEDNESDAY: By now he started getting used to it. Some mutual friends began to think the two of you had broken up. But he reassured them that you hadn’t.

It was getting easier to ignore this yearning feeling but he still missed you. He wanted to hold you. Fuck, talking to you would’ve been enough.

THURSDAY: Seeing you but feeling like a stranger was torture to him. Acknowledge him please. Anything!

Quit acting like he didn’t exist!

Now you weren’t even coming to school so he couldn’t even see you. This sucked. He should’ve never accepted the challenge. But he had to stand tall and prove you wrong.

FRIDAY: He felt like a zombie. Just moping from day to day now. He didn’t expect it to be this hard. Things like this were so much easier when he was younger.

He could go a whole summer without talking to his friends and still be friends the next year. But that was when he was younger. He had to keep conversations with people to keep the bond.

It was driving him crazy. Two more days. Just two more days.

SATURDAY: He began to regain hope. He could finally see you after so long. Well not now at least. But just one more day and he would be able to talk to you and hold you.

Do everything he couldn’t for the past week. He was deprived of you and needed you ASAP. Anything to just be with you.

SUNDAY: HE’S SEEING YOU TOMORROW!!! He couldn’t wait. All the things he could do with you. He’s been waiting forever and he’ll even win the challenge.

He felt so giddy the entire day.He could finally hold his pretty little angel in his arms. Now he even looked forward to the school day ahead. ~~~ With all of his excitement he got ready early in the morning and headed to your house to pick you up. There were white flowers by the door. Your mother must’ve chose a new type of flower to decorate your home.

But when you didn’t come out after 7:43 he got worried. You’d usually be out by 7:30 so where were you.

He went up to your door and rang the doorbell.

No answer.

He rang once more.

The door opened and on the other side stood your mother. Hyunjin smiled brightly as he asked, “Hi Mrs.(l/n), do you happen to know where Y/n is?”

Your mother broke down in tears. “Oh dear do you not know? Wait. Wait here. I’ve got something for you.”

Hyunjin stood patiently at the doorway as he watched your mother disappear back into the house. He was worried. Normally your mother was a very cheerful and welcoming woman. He wanted to comfort her but she left too quickly.

When your mother returned, she held an envelope in her hands. “Here. I think she should explain to you herself.” Hyunjin took the envelope but before he could say anything, he was faced with a shut door.

As Hyunjin walked the rest of the way to school, he excitedly opened the envelope. Inside he found a letter along with a necklace he’d given you for your first valentines together. The necklace of a paintbrush that attached to his matching paint pallet one.

Was this your way of breaking up with you?

He quickly opened the letter to read.

“Hey Hyunnie. If you’re reading this, you probably won the bet. I wish I could congratulate you with a million kisses. You’re an amazing person and an amazing boyfriend. Wanted to let you know before I drop this all on you. It’s not that I don’t trust you, it’s just that I’m too scared to tell you. I’m not here anymore. The day I called you to the park, crying, I found out about my condition. All I wanted to do was stay healthy and I couldn’t even do that. I couldn’t even do that for you. I’m so sorry. I wanted to spend my last month with you because I love you so much and I’d want to leave you with the best memories. I gave you that week long challenge so that you wouldn’t have to see me whither away. It hurts so much, Hyun. I don’t want to die like this. I want to be with you and grow old with you. But it just hurts too much. Maybe in another life we could be together. I’m so sorry. I love you so so much. I’m so proud of you. You survived an entire week without me. So continue to do that for the rest of your life. For me please? I don’t want to see you here anytime soon. I really do love you. Goodbye, Hyun.”

Hyunjin dropped to his knees and sobs racked through his body. How could he think so horribly of you? All he thought about was his suffering and never yours. How could he be so selfish? He clenched the letter in his fist as he stared at the sky. Forcing a smile onto his lips.

“I love you too.” ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ A.N. Hello everyone. Thank you so much for reading and I hope you enjoyed. Hopefully I didn’t break your hearts too bad this time😔 Feedback is greatly appreciated. This TikTok is the culprit of this fanfic

Taglist(dm or send in ask if u want to b added): @jinnie-ret @kai-lee08

[riverisnotdead]

Dancing In The Rain

Stray Kids’ Hyunjin x Male Reader

Because there’s not enough x male readers out there 💜

Hyunjin laughed as you jumped up onto his back. He spun around until you both got dizzy, setting you down on the asphalt. Merry Go Round of Life played in the background from his phone, the rain adding a certain ambience to the song. You grabbed his shoulders and began to waltz in a ballroom style dance. The rain plastered your hair to your face and water got in your eyes making it hard to see but none of that mattered to you. You were here with Hyunjin, dancing in the rain. 

   Hyunjin grabbed your waist and picked you up, spinning you around before setting you back down gently placing your feet back on the ground. He leaned his forehead against yours and held you close, the two of you swaying to the song. After a few more minutes passed he kissed your forehead. 

   “We should probably head in before Chan hyung lectures us again.”

   You smiled and nodded. “Alright.” 

   As the two of you approached the dorm you saw Chan standing in the doorway holding some towels, alongside Han who was holding two mugs of a steaming drink. Hyunjin grinned at the two of them as you walked inside, Han handing you both a mug of hot chocolate while Chan nudged you both to the island counter where you both sat and enjoyed your drinks as he toweled each or your hair dry.

   “You guys need to come in sooner when it’s that cold outside, you could catch a cold.” Changbin said as he placed two fuzzy bathrobes on the counter. 

   “Hyung it’s not that cold out there.” Hyunjin said with a snort. “If it was, my baby m/n wouldn’t have been out there.”

  You glared at Hyunjin who laughed in response. Changbin and Chan shared a look before Changbin sighed and crossed his arms, shaking his head but smiling slightly nonetheless. 

   “I ran a hot bath for you guys. Once you finish your cocoa, get washed up and we’ll watch a movie.”

As he finished his sentence a screech was heard from another room. Chan and Changbin snapped their heads to the source of the sound. 

   “What now Han?” Changbin asked under his breath as he jogged off to see what the source of distress was. 

A few minutes after Changbin left Chan finished drying your guys’ hair. He took your empty mugs and nudged you towards the bathroom. 

   “Go get washed up guys.” He said with a smile, his dimples popping out. 

    Hyunjin wrapped you in a towel as you stepped out of the tub. He rubbed your shoulder for a second before pressing a soft kiss on your collarbone. 

   “You’re so handsome m/n.” He said as he wrapped his arms around you. You chuckled at his antics.

   “Yeah, sure.”

   “Hey, I mean it.” He said, tilting you face up too look at him. “You’re perfect to me, now matter how your body is, you will always be my handsome boy.” You smiled.

   “Hyunjinnie, can we do that again next time it rains?” You asked as you finished drying.

   “Sure.” He replied as he helped you into your bathrobe. “Maybe not as long though.” He chuckled as you hugged him, resting his chin on the top of your head.

   “Are you tired?” 

   “A little bit I guess.” He answered, pulling out of the hug and pressing another kiss to your forehead. “Let’s head into the living room, okay?”

You nodded and went to the couch, sinking into the soft cushions and grabbing a pillow as Chan filed through the movies. You all eventually agreed on watching The Crow, and Hyunjin quickly cuddled into your right side, Han occupying your left side. About halfway into the movie you heard soft snores coming from your sides. You looked and saw that both Han and Hyunjin had fallen asleep. You got Changbin and Chan’s attention and Chan scooped up Han, carrying him to his bedroom as Changbin turned off the movie. You carried Hyunjin to the bedroom you both shared and gingerly tucked him in before sliding into bed next to him. He rolled over and clung to you as he slept. You smiled at him before falling asleep yourself.

[shadowyinternetbouquet]

Hwang Hyunjin 🥟

[sunoomeugato]

𖧧  ࣪    ִ 𓆩♡𓆪 ִ ׄ 𖧧

⠀ ָ࣪ ⠀ ⊹ 𔓕 ׅ ࣪ ⸼ ♡ ⃝☁   ࣪ ׅ  ᵎᵎ ׅ ࣪. ⸼ 𔓕 ⊹⠀ ָ࣪ ⠀

- Hyujin layouts !!

— like or reblog if u save/use (( don't repost )) ♥︎

[bangchanbabygurl]

Shameless| 05: Strange Encounters

Genre: Dark romance/angst/horror/thriller/mystery/smut

Warnings: Explicit language/mention of domestic violence/mention of violence/alcohol abuse/mention of death/stalker/mentions of blood/drug abuse/smut scenes/dark mature themes/triggering scenes/traumatic experiences

Word count:

A small sigh escapes my lips as I rub my tired eyes; I look back at the computer screen anxiously. I've been in the office all morning; Mr. Hwang and Hyunjin have been breathing down on everyone's neck for the launch of the new product. It had everyone on the edge of their seats, knowing that Mr. Hwang wanted the product launched a week or two before the end of September.

After encountering Hyunjin in the elevator, he has been bossing me around all day; who knows how many times I've edited and redesigned the products. Almost every five minutes, he disapproves of the design, suggests an idea, and then sends me to redesign. I let out a yawn, feeling more tired. I pick up my mug, bringing the rim to my lips. I felt disappointed and gloomy, realizing I had run out of coffee. I groan softly, getting up from the chair and stretching out my limbs; I look at the time: six-thirty PM.

I left my office to see everyone else had gone home; I felt cold and shivered. I rushed to the employee lounge room; I noticed a fresh hot pot of coffee sitting under the coffeemaker. I look around the lounge, but not a single employee is in sight. I exhale softly and pour some coffee into my mug. I shivered once again, but this time I twitched a little, feeling a weird sense of disturbance. I shook it off and took a small sip of the coffee; the sound of a door creaking open had my mind racing with every possibility that it could be anything; what ifs ran through my brain as the creaking stopped.

I held my mug tightly and hurried out of the lounge room; I noticed the lights were off except for the desk lamps. I gulped and rushed into my office. Closing the door behind me, I sat back at the desk. I let out a breath, and my eyes kept glancing at the door and the computer screen. I was paranoid and cold; I shook the nonsense thoughts away and continued to work on the product design.

By seven-forty PM, I was yawning even more; I waited for the paperwork to finish printing. I finished my coffee and gathered my things while waiting for the printer. I heard a thud from outside the office; I looked at the door. The papers were done; I grabbed them and slid them into the black folder. I slipped on my wool coat and turned off the computer screen.

I turned off the lights in the office, leaving the desk lamp on; I grabbed my bag and walked out of the office. I hurried to the elevator, feeling like I was being watched. I pressed the down button and felt eager to leave this floor; my mind was now playing tricks on me. The creaking was closer; the whole hall felt cold. I looked around, feeling scared now; the elevator was taking its sweet time. My best decision right now was the stairs; I rushed down the stairwell feeling like I was being chased.

I could hear footsteps aside from my own; I was panicking now. I began to run down the stairs; I could hear someone curse softly. I reached floor one and ran out of the stairwell. I looked back, but there was nobody. I bumped into something and fell on my ass, dropping the folder; my nerves were all over the place. I was terrified and paranoid now; I picked up the scattered papers.

“Are you okay? Y/N? What's wrong? Are you hurt?” That something I bumped into was Hyunjin; I looked at him. “Hey what's wrong?” He asked. I looked at the stairwell again, “Y/N?” Hyunjin whispered, grabbing my hands. I look at him, “S—I’m sorry, I’m just paranoid..” I said, pulling my hands out of his grasp and fixing the folder.

“Paranoid of what? Y/N,” Hyunjin said pulling the folder away from me, “It's nothing…it was probably just my mind playing tricks on me but I felt like someone was watching me and began to chase me out of the floor three." I whispered, looking back at the stairwell door. Hyunjin seemed concerned and helped me up; he turned his gaze to the door. Hyunjin lets go of my hands and walks over to the stairwell, "Hyunjin, it was probably my tired mind hallucinating." I said. But that didn't stop him from walking into the stairwell; I sighed, defeated, and followed him. 

"How could you be sure it was just in your head? Maybe there's still some of the staff messing with you." Hyunjin said as we walked up the stairs, "I'm not positive about anything," I said. A faint sound came from the third floor; I stopped walking. Hyunjin looked at me worriedly, "What's wrong?" he asked. I gave him a perplexed, "You don't hear that?" I said. Hyunjin stood still and looked up at the stairs, "It's just music," He said. Hyunjin continued walking; I bit my lip, feeling anxious, but I followed him anyway.

We reached the third level; the music was coming from one of the offices inside.  Hyunjin smirks lightly, "And I bet you're going say that you didn't leave the radio on." He said. I gave him a look clearly showing signs of distress; I shook my head, gripping my bag tightly. Hyunjin sighed as he opened the door, and we walked inside the hall. The music was louder and more evident, and I followed closely behind Hyunjin. I love horror movies and the paranormal, but I would never want to live and experience that. Yet here I am, glued to Hyunjin as he looks around the desks and offices, and he stops walking. 

"That's your office..." Hyunjin said. I turned to where he was looking; the door was wide-opened. The music was coming from my office, which made it more creepy and uneasy was the choice of song. 'I Only Have Eyes for you' by The Flamingos was slightly distorted, "I locked that door," I told Hyunjin. "Someone is definitely messing with you." He whispered and walked to the office; I stayed close to him. Hyunjin stopped me from further walking into the office; I gave him a confused look. "What is it?" I asked. Hyunjin blocks the doorway. "Don't look; you'll only make it worse." He said. I let a small chuckle, thinking he was messing with me, too.

But he wasn't; there was no devilish smirk on his lips. Hyunjin was serious and brooding about what he saw, "Come on, what is it?" I said, trying to get through. I was able to get a glimpse of the office; I felt my blood run cold and my heart beating rapidly. Hyunjin grabs me by my arms and pulls me towards the elevator, "I told you not to look," He said. I look at him, "Tho—those are photographs—of m—e." I let out. I wasn't sure of what to think about, so Hyunjin sighed and pulled me closer to him. "I'll have George come and investigate this sick joke,” Hyunjin said his words sounding like a promise. Tears were ricocheting, “H-Hyunjin those are photographs of me…sleeping, doing daily life how-” I whispered.

Hyunjin cups my face in his hands, “Listen to me, Y/N, I’ll have someone look for the person that this. Try to remain calm and—look at me Y/N.” He said. I look at him, “I need you to keep me posted about where you are, what you’re doing, and with whom you are. This is serious Y/N.” Hyunjin said. I was crying out of fear, and he holds me tightly. He was trying to get me to calm down but my mind was running with millions of ‘if the creaking due to the person being in here for a reason ‘What if they were trying to hurt me maybe even worse’.

[psicoticos]

miss me with that bullshit.

[jeonswrld1997]

[liinosung]

一 like or reblog if you use <3

[watermelongyu]

·̩̩̥͙＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚ always, always be yours -> 🎞❣️

[hyunjin-gallery]

˗ˏˋ ⌗ 𝙝𝙮𝙪𝙣𝙟𝙞𝙣 ⁎⁺˳ ✧ ˎˊ˗

[mykoreanlove]

dating ban

It was a warm summer night in Seoul. Hyunjin sat in his large downtown apartment and overlooked the panorama before him. He loved watching the sunset, he loved observing all the pretty lights being reflected on Han river but most of all he loved to look at the moon. It was a full moon tonight, clear as day. He sighed heavily, his mind unable to stop, his worries racing through his head relentlessly. He took a fistful of his black hair into his hands and mumbled manically: “This can’t be true. This can’t be true. This can’t be happening to me, what the hell…”

As he took a sip of his strong drink, he thought of the day it all went haywire.

“Hyunjin, listen to me.”

He looked up pleadingly into the stern eyes of his manager.

“You are aware that you are not allowed to date. Why are you acting like this?”

Hyunjin bit on his lip contemplating just how much he should share.

“I understand that you fell in love, but listen, you have to break up with her.”

His blood turned cold the second he realized what was demanded of him. Big, frightened eyes stared back at the manager.

“I can’t do that. Hyung, please. I can’t!”

The desperation was evident for everybody in the room. Hyunjin turned to Chan begging for help:

“Chan, please, do something! I can’t break up with Y/N!”

Chan looked at him with the utmost compassion, his eyes filled with hurt as well.

“Hyunjin, I am so sorry. But you know it’s for the best. We have a huge comeback planned. You know how this industry is… The fans need you to be single. We need you to keep that image alive. I am so sorry but it’s for the best.”

Hyunjin was unable to control his emotions, his eyes giving him away. His blood boiled as he shouted at Chan:

“The best for whom? Hm, hyung? For whom?? I don’t want to break up with Y/N, I love her! Don’t you all get that?”

He breathed heavily; rage filled his whole body. He didn’t give a fuck about the manager or Chan; he didn’t give a fuck about anybody at this point – or so he thought.

“Kid” – a compassionate voice appeared behind him, almost silently calling for him. Hyunjin turned around, faced by JYP himself.

“I understand your concerns but is it really worth it? Is she worth giving up your career for?”

Hyunjin turned silent. Memories of the last years flooded his mind. All the hard work he put into this, into himself and the band. Excruciating late night dance practices, singing lessons, hurt ankles, lost friendships, mean scandals, hateful lies spread about him, sleepless nights and overworked days. But he also thought of all the joy it brought him: the friendship with the guys, the ability to express himself artistically, the high of being on stage, the love from fans, the luxury it offered him, the security he provided for his family.

In that moment he knew he had to give you up, as he was not ready to give up on his passion just yet. Hyunjin took another good look at the moon and wondered if that was the right decision back then. He took another sip and pulled out his journal.

He wrote to you all the time, even though he never sent those letters. It gave him peace imagining it was you. He bought a special notebook just for conversations with you – he found it in an antique bookstore he used to go to with you. As he opened it, he noticed how many pages were already filled. He took the pen into his hands:

Dear Y/N,

How are you doing? I hope you’re okay. Because I am not. I miss you so much, I fear I am going crazy without you. I keep thinking about you all the damn time. I thought I made the right decision back then but I’m not so sure anymore. My days are filled with sorrow and longing for you. Have you moved on, yet? I can’t even bare to think about you with someone else. I am so sorry, Y/N. I am so sorry I brought us into this situation.

I knew it was wrong from the beginning. You and I both knew that it was forbidden to date. But I couldn’t help myself. I mean, how could I?

You are so special Y/N, I fell for you the second I saw you. You are so beautiful. I am surrounded by idols and models daily and trust me not a single soul could ever compare to your beauty. And I’m not even talking about your outer appearance. I am talking about all of you, about your soul. Angel, to me you are divine. When I was younger, I often asked myself how my future wife should be. I wanted her to be beautiful and cute. I wanted her to be charming and funny. I wanted her to be smart and expressive. I wanted her to be compassionate and kind. Oh, and I wanted to be with her and feel light. You know? Happy, loved, at peace – like my life was in perfect flow. And once I met you, and got to know you, I met someone who exceeded all of my expectations. You are so much more than the things I wished for. And you were mine. Oh my god, I was the happiest man alive. I couldn’t shut up about you, I was always bragging about you. I wanted everybody to know how amazing you are. Because you are. I care about you so much; I really mean it. I want you to be happy, even if it can’t be with me.

I beat myself up a lot over what has happened. If it weren’t for me, we’d be together right now. And I would hold you in my arms, placing soft kisses on the top of your head. I would whisper into your ear how much I love you and that I can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with you. Y/N, you would look at me with your bright eyes and smile. That pretty smile of yours always makes my heart flutter. I would spend the rest of my life making you happy. Taking you out on dates, holding your hand and giving you sweet kisses. Listening to you when you’re sad and comforting you with all my love. I’d paint you all the time because you inspire me so much. I’d pin you down on the bed and made love to you all night long until you no longer could scream my name.

I’d hold you in my arms and tell you what a good girl you were for me and ask you about marriage and kids. I can’t shake the feeling that you and I would have been so happy together.

Y/N, do you know how your number is saved in my phone?

It’s LomL.

Love of my life. These words now taste bittersweet. I really love you. I am sure I will never stop loving you. I can’t ask you to wait for me, I know that’s not fair. I can’t tell you all those things because it makes it harder for you to let me go.

Hence, this is all I got. My confessions to you, forever kept in this lovely journal. I guess I was tired of talking to the moon about you and needed a change. I’m sure the moon misses you as badly as I do. In another world I would have told you that I will always be by your side, that I would never leave you. I would tell you that our love was special and unbreakable, no matter what happened. Sadly, I can’t. I couldn’t keep my promise. So, I had to let you go.

I hope you feel better than I do. I hope you are not weighed down by our lost love like I am. I love you Y/N.

Forever yours, Hyunjin.

Tears were staining his cheeks once again. Hyunjin looked up at the moon and wondered if there was another solution. Why couldn’t he have it all? He remembered what his mother used to tell him when he was a kid:

“Jinnie, if you want to go into show business, I will always support you. You are so talented; you can do anything. But please be aware. You have to pay a high price for fame, your life won’t be yours anymore.”

He remembered nodding eagerly.

“That’s okay Mom, I will pay the price. I will make it, just wait and see!”

He wiped away his tears, smiling back at his little self.

“You fool”, pity in his voice, “you had no idea just how much you’d have to pay.”

Part 2 🖲️

[bibidibobidii]

[mahouoni-art]

SORIKKUN

MY EXAM WEEK IS OVER, I CAN DRAW AGAIN

[shadowyinternetbouquet]

HyunLix ❤