#struggling with will's characterization and pov but i gave up and started being very self indulgent with him

[messrsbyler]

miwip for today! will trying to use his powers and being extra sad. we love to see it!

[anidealiveson]

Thanksvember Master Post

Day 1 - Like Coming Home - It has a super rare “wholesome plot twist”! Without spoiling anything too huge, I really like that @julesherondalex took the time to talk about how important it is to take care of yourself first. You can’t love someone else properly, the way they deserve, if you don’t have that same love for yourself. I wasn’t expecting the heartbreaking scene, but the beautiful way in which that topic was was approached neither took away from the story or the joy.

Day 2 - Must Love Dogs - An incredibly fluffy (literally) fic that I loved reading. @rosehallshadowsinger did a really great job weaving Azriel and Elain’s canon personalities into this adorable AU scenario. It is obvious @rosehallshadowsinger took care to create believable personalities for two characters that didn’t get POVs in the books.

Day 3 - Striking Matches -  I have to say that I wasn’t at all attracted to an AU fic about firefighters. I was also not a big Rowaelin fan before that, but I was work procrastinating so I gave it a try. Wellll, 30 parts later, I found myself delighted at the writing and sad it was over. I couldn’t believe how well @shyvioletcat cat was able to entirely re-characterize these two into such a different setting, yet still retaining what made them popular in the books. Aelin was perfect in her role as a snarky schoolteacher irritating the stoic firefighter Rowan. And the descriptions of the kids lining up at the firehouse demonstration and Jake’s adorable prodding was icing on the cake.

Day 4 - Close Quarters -  I really loved the way @lady-therion wrote Nesta in this modern AU. I particularly like how she equates Nesta’s sometimes standoffish attitude as a very relatable personality trait. She has trouble reading people and gauging situations. It’s well written and the dialogue is unique for a plot that is common in ff!

Day 5 - Like A Lonely House - It’s got a colossal I love Lucy level misunderstanding mixed in with a lot of tension and angst. This Nesta that is full of sacrifice and duty and fire is how I imagine the Nesta who feels that she has a stake in the Fae world would be like. @featherymalignancy wove such a captivating new world in Macar, that it felt a lot like being introduced to the 8th court in the ACOTAR world.

Day 6 - Death Dance - There are several takes out there that touch on Nesta in the Ilyrian camps, but I love how @thewayshedreamed interpreted Nesta’s skills on the battlefield as a calculated dance. Nesta has always been a raging storm, but I love how @thewayshedreamed took care to show us a Nesta that channeled that storm into discipline. If SJM never intended to release a Nessian focused book, I would have considered this a satisfying end to their story.

Day 7 - One Night Standards - I love the way @sassyhobbits writes Aelin with her typical extremely sassy exterior, but also made sure to saddle her with a vulnerable side that runs deep. I normally don’t care for slow burns, but I like the pace of her relationship with Rowan here, and that they had to work hard at it. I also like the plot lines that involved their PR stunts and how the public grew to love them as well.

Day 8 - Goose Chasing - Its the most absurd plot of any fanfic I’ve read! The title is not figurative. Its really does involve chasing a goose. @rhysismydaddy did a fantastic job encapsulating the spirit of silly Cassian and grumpy Nesta in a situation they’d likely never find themselves in, yet making it entirely believable. 

Day 9 - Manon Chooses The Worst Babysitter Possible - It’s such a casual and fluffy and hilarious read. It was fun to read about a softer and more delicate Manon. Through this absurd mistake, @sarah-bae-maas did an excellent job really humanizing Manon and postulating a fun in-world domestic scenario. 

Day 10 - My Hunger Knows No Bounds -  @perseusannabeth manages to take a simple concept and weave a sweet narrative. I particularly love how @perseusannabeth incorporated her personal details into it and took the time to share her lovely culture with us.

Day 11 - Knowing me, Knowing you - We never got to actually see Aelin rule Terrasen (well we got a tinyyy bit) in the books. Though this was modern day, @nalgenewhore tells a fun story of what that could have been like.

Day 12 -  Forever (is a long time) - @noodlecatposts takes Elide and Lorcan’s completely polar opposite personalities and spins an interesting (and frankly quite adorable) story. All the rules crack me up. My favorite Lorcan is the one that reminds me of Luke Danes from Gilmore Girls. Currently, he is in the middle of grumpily fixing up her flooded room, so I am sure that my favorite parts are yet to come.

Day 13 - Go Your Own Way - I appreciate @tomtenadia for putting to words a scene that I desperately wanted in ACOWAR or even ACOFAS. A lovely parallel to an equally lovely Fleetwood mac song.

Day 14 - In Which She Makes A Friend - It is no surprise that the fandom wants Nesta to find her place in the Illyrian mountains and even bring about some social change with the female warriors. But the way @bookstantrash got there was such a wonderful and endearing journey. Big fan of the callbacks to how Kaelin was treated and the similarities to a certain Illyrian warrior was when he was younger. We got to see a sweet Nesta, who I’d like to think was attempting to make up for some of her regrets through taking care of Kaelin.

Day 15 - The Ranch - As a huge fan of Sweet Home Alabama, its should be no surprise that I loved this fic by @tacmc . I enjoyed the slow change that we saw in a stubborn Nesta as she opened up to this new way of life and reconnected with her sisters and found a home with Cassian.

Day 16 - Felons - Such a unique interpretation of Nesta and Cassian. I really like the self-sacrificing Nesta angle and @rhysismydaddy did a great job weaving intrigue into the unraveling of what we knew to be a her innocence. I never read The Witness, but this really made me want to.

Day 17 - Of Books and Timber - Cassian offers to build a shelf for Nesta. The way @duskandstarlight goes through the entire range of emotions through Nesta is brilliant. She starts out with cold indifference, but by the end, we get from her a sweet and tender gesture of gratitude. Showing that meeting each other halfway with small gestures is all they ever needed.

Day 18 - You Should Sleep In My Bed More Often - I absolutely loved this quick exchange between Nesta and Cassian after she accidentally injures him. I can’t believe how much I laughed out loud when Cassian said “I need you to protect me closer”. @charincharge​ perfectly captured the teasing childish essence of Cassian and Nesta’s hilarious victim-blaming was so on the nose that I might have thought this was taken right out of ACOSAF.

Day 19 - The Right Swipe - I really enjoyed this take on the inner circle mixed with the super modern online dating plot. I especially love that @redisriding created genuinely realistic characters (body issues, social anxiety etc). Great read!

Day 20 - Goldfish Prompt - What a fun read. I love how frantic and much personality Feyre had here. I love how dedicated to her fish she was, and how that made her super endearing. Cute read from @azrielsiphons

Day 21 - The One With The Snowstorm -  What I really like is that Cassian actually says that he is sorry for his part in Nesta’s exile. I am not bitter about it, but it was an interesting turn. They need to meet halfway here and I rarely see it so well written as @joysbell has done here!

Day 22 - Prompt - A lovely and cute and sweet prompt written by @crowsvalentine​! I love the ramp up of suspense just to get to the hilarious payoff. Its adorable and worth the quick read.

Day 23 - Fix It -  is one by @thewayshedreamed​ that I love in its simplicity. It’s a small little argument Cassian and Nesta get into, but its still compelling. It’s sweet and super endearing the way the two of them are written and the subtle way they work through it. Great read!

Day 24 - I Do Bad Things To You - The mob angle may have been done before, but I don’t think with as much care and regard that @tswaney17​ has been giving it. I how the canon personalities of the characters translate so well into this modern AU. Its very obvious that @tswaney17​ has done her research. I especially love all the details around Elain as a surgeon. The story is compelling and well written and every chapter has me wanting more.

Day 25 - Love Her Like She should Be Loved - This is an excellent fic that I really loved. @julemmaes did such a great job translating some of the canon tension from ACOFAS into a modern world. It’s ripe with emotion, drama and quite a bit of heart. I love how earnestly Cassian comes to Nesta’s defense even in the face of going against his entire family. I like the reference to some very real psychological struggles. I think a lot of people can relate to it.

Day 26 - Literally In Love - I really enjoy the subtle mystery that follows this entire journey. I enjoy that @julesherondalex keeps us guessing, while simultaneously weaving a sweet and tender story about two shy teachers and just a slew of mishaps worthy of a Shakespearian drama.

Day 27 - The Shadow Bond - I love Azriel, and this is such a wonderful fic by @radientwings​ focusing on how his shadows might work. His shadows are the one thing that I am most curious about him in the series, so it was lovely to read such a well written interpretation of them.

Day 28 - Exes and Oh’s - Just a shout out to @highqueenofelfhame​ for this lovely story about rekindling past love. I like that even though the plot was uncomplicated, the emotions were not. I love that Aelin didn’t have a perfect reason for what she did, but sometimes that is just how things are. This is a story about taking a second chance, whether it’s deserved or not.

Day 29 - Fever - I really love this fic called Fever. I enjoyed how @lady-therion​ portrayed Nesta. She hit the entire gammut of characteristics (snarky, worried, vulnerable, caring, short-tempered, flirty, you name it!) but it really worked here. I found this nurse Nesta to be endearing and relatable and the dynamic between her and Cassian was very sweet. Just go read the damned thing.

Day 30 - Baby Steps - I really really love this fic. @runesandfaes did such a great job in just so few words to show a really sweet moment between Chaol, Yrene and their daughter learning to walk. I love the parallel back to when Chaol was learning to walk and the cameo of the golden couch. So sweet.

[takaraphoenix]

So I just finished the third season of The Bold Type and oh boy did they drop the ball in this one. I... really enjoyed this show until now but this season was just so intensely exhausting and honestly cringey.

The only good storyline was Jane’s. Her finally dumping that cheating piece of garbage. The way they handled her surgery and recovery and the struggle she had. It was incredibly emotional and well-paced and I genuinely loved the way they handled it.

-

But everything else was... pretty much garbage, in my opinion?

-

I mean, Sutton? Sutton and Richard, getting married, after being in a relationship for what, five years? And... they never actually talked about their future? They never talked about having kids? I hate this dumbassery of “let’s get married but like we never actually talked about how we imagine our future” and the way they handled that, with how Richard behaved? How he placed all the blame on Sutton? What in the world was that? She put her life on hold for him, repeatedly. It wasn’t because of her job that you guys hid your relationship for so long, it was yours. And when you decided to go to San Francisco for a job, she was just 100% behind you.

But now she’s deceiving you because... she... doesn’t read minds, or what? Saying “I want something like they have” is the broadest, least specific bullshit. Something, what? Their career, their marriage, their house? That does not specify that you want children. Saying “I definitely want children” is how you specify that you want children. To only blame her for not telling him that she didn’t want kids...? When two people are in this relationship and neither of them actually spoke up about their wants and needs here? That is equally both their fault.

Not to mention his... his reaction. Just, his reaction to everything.

When, only two months after the miscarriage, she wanted to have sex again and he just immediately goes “so x position is better for conception”, that was just... incredibly insensitive. I don’t know about anyone else but me, but... two weeks after losing a baby to already try again seems incredibly early and to overrun her like that instead of first, in a quieter moment, address the issue? Not to mention that this was an unplanned pregnancy and she just started a new, busy job so it really wasn’t a good fit time-wise.

His reaction to when she told him she didn’t want babies? The throwing and trashing stuff? It just will never sit right with me when men express their anger/frustration by smashing and destroying things right next to the woman. It is purposefully intimidating and reads far too close as a ‘replacement’, which also is always intensified by the woman jumping away instinctively, as Sutton did. Not... Not a great move. Really creepy.

And then they just... end it. Just like that. After this entire show had their will they won’t they build up to them getting married, it all falls apart like that, so unceremoneously and Sutton goes onto a completely self-destructive tour of discovering that she is, after all, no better than her mother, putting her somehow even below square one.

-

The worst offender however is whatever the fuck this show did to Kat. And to Adena. But let’s start with Adena.

Adena, an out and proud lesbian, a Muslim, a woman of color, a feminist. And now... a biphobe, apparently? Wow, that’s just such a great look on her.

It’s incredibly OoC for Adena. This woman, who met Kat when Kat was still thinking she was straight, who supported Kat through her self-discovery. And while Kat used “lesbian” as a self-identifying label twice in previous seasons, she always more leaned toward “queer” to label herself.

So to now have Adena, whose entire character was always about lending women a voice and standing up for them, who always supported Kat, who met Kat when Kat was still very much busy sleeping with men, now act biphobic when Kat comes out as bisexual...? It just... It really fucked Adena over.

Especially the garbage she was spouting. That if Kat now liked men, did that make Adena “just a phase” and were her feelings for Adena “even real”? That is just the most bottom of the barrel biphobic talk, this felt like someone just did one quick google search on biphobia and crammed them together and made Adena say that. It... just didn’t feel authentic for Adena, after how she had been represented so far and how she had acted and handled Kat’s journey of self-descovery.

I understand that they really wanted Kat to face biphobia and I genuinely did love the bonding moment that gave Kat and Oliver, but there was absolutely no need to throw Adena under the bus like this. They could have literally gone to that stupid lesbian-exclusive party and just have... have some random unnamed character act biphobic?

Considering this wasn’t even meant as a lasting plotline that’d be pulled through as a proper arc, because two episodes later, Adena suddenly got over her biphobia. Which is just another thing that makes it more ridiculous, because a woman like Adena, who is deeply involved with the community and who is strongly opinionated, would - if she really was biphobic - not just change her stance on that in like two weeks just because...?

It really showed that they used Adena not as a character but as a plot-tool for Kat’s plotline and it did Adena such a disservice - especially since she is one of your four (4) queer characters and she is your only lesbian.

Don’t validate negative stereotypes like prickly lesbians who only date Gold Star Lesbians because otherwise the lesbian feelings between them just aren’t lesbian enough and like how would she know they’re real if her partner isn’t also a lesbian?

And yes. Yes, I am well-aware we have a huge problem of biphobia within the community. I am well-aware that these type of lesbians exist. But, as mentioned above, they could have taken a minor character only introduced for this plotline to deliver this biphobia, instead of throwing their only lesbian character under the bus like this.

Adena is such a brilliant character and she is... so much representation? I mean, she is one of only four queer characters, of only two queer women, she is the only lesbian, she is the only Muslima, she is one of the only two women of color in the recurring/main cast. I genuinely don’t understand how you can look at a character like that and go “ah yes, let’s just temporarily antagonize her for another character’s plotline, which goes entirely against her own characterization so we will actually also totally backtrack on it after all is said and done”, because it’s... I don’t think there’s a real word for what this is, but it’s bullshit, to say the least.

-

Now about Kat. Who finally figured herself out this season. And then just immediately had to deal with the biphobia, but not for too long because that’d be too distracting, we have too much to do in throwing her character under the bus too, after all.

I mean seriously, Kat’s a biracial bisexual liberal woman, who had an entire season-long plot about being a liberal woman trying to carve a space for herself, for her community, against bigotry. Both, her being biracial and her being bisexual, has always torn her and made her not fit quite in and made her look for her place to belong and she fought hard for it.

So the natural progression for her character truly is to make her date a... I really do not want to type these words together, to be quite frank... but a Republican lesbian. And not just... be with her, but “come around” to her viewpoint. It was essentially throwing out the long-suffering plotlines of Kat fighting hard for her spot in favor of now being downgraded to a bar-tender who is fascinated by the Republican POV on life.

They really used Kat to antagonize liberals as sensitive snowflakes and show that “Republicans can be serious and have good points too!”. They turned Kat into a... clumsy oaf, at best, the way she handled herself around the politics this season? After she literally ran for office before, trying to become a politician herself? But now she is swayed or fascinated or whatever for “the other view-point”?

And just the timing, to have a “Republicans aren’t that bad!” angle in your show while Republicans are literally busy running your country into the ground? Ya really thought this was a great angle to work with? And for her, of all characters?

It made... absolutely no sense with how Kat had been portrayed so far to have her enthralled by this bullshit spouting Republican, because “different views are important and can be insightful”...

There are angles where, from a storytelling POV, you can introduce various views and make it very interesting to watch, but if your way of introducing this other view is literally by her defending her homophobic father who wants to help pass a bill on conversion therapy, I’m sorry there is absolutely no listening to that.

And that’s not being emotional. This is directly about the lives of human beings. There is no discussing that, there are no other opinions on the matter of whether or not children should be tortured into being straight.

And having her, very lacklusterly, say that she personally is against conversion therapy means... it... it means literally nothing if she is not speaking up about it and instead wants to bury evidence about her father supporting it and has no problems with him supporting it in the first place.

The ““cutesy”“ situation of her threatening to get Kat fired over this, Kat actually getting fired and her then accidentally getting Kat fired from her next job, just to graciously help her keep her job after all like some White Republican Savior was... very cringey to watch, but so was honestly every single interaction between them, based on the juxtaposition of those characters.

I’m sorry, as a lesbian, I have intensely strong feelings about how they utilized lesbian characters for bullshit agendas this season. First Adena for the biphobia angle and then writing a Republican lesbian in there to like... sell Republicans?

I just... genuinely can not grasp what that storyline even was, because it honestly just felt like Republican propaganda? And yes, propaganda. Because it undermined the already established liberal character that Kat had been, made her not entirely turn toward being Republican but suddenly be oh-so open minded about the views (after this plotline was literally introduced through, and I will say it again, conversion therapy. I mean seriously, you could have a liberal and a Republican have conversations with each other and “see each other’s points of view”, but you absolutely can not have that after introducing the plotline through one of the most horrific things that can happen to our community). They portrayed Eva as the understanding, calm, rational, charming party in this and made Kat the overly angry, emotional and downright doe-eyed one who learned so much from Eva, while not having Kat teach Eva anything. This was never portrayed as a mutual seeing each other’s viewpoints; Kat was the only one who changed over this storyline. And that is what made this not feel like an “equal opportunity POV exchange” storyline but like propaganda.

-

My very last critique point is the oversexualization of absolutely everything. I mean, yes, this show has always been very sex-positive and about women embracing their sexuality and I absolutely support this message. But... this season went... beyond that? It wasn’t just sex-positive it was downright negative on no sex. The utter despair for sex and linking it with success?

The plotline of how Jacqueline wanted to show women in “power” through fashion, but it was all about owning their sexuality and the first pitch immediately included lingerie. And worse yet, that thing where Ryan and Jane were not having sex.

The freaking intervention. Because... she was having a genuinely good time just having spa-days with her boyfriend instead of fucking like rabbits every hour of the day? That they literally put an intervention together there. That not having sex is oh-so bad, even though honestly, until that intervention, Jane did not look unhappy.

I just think that a show that praises itself on its queer viewpoints and puts the queerness so very front and center needs to step up their game and start including an asexual viewpoint. Both, in the show and in the magazine itself because everything they write and do comes back to sex and it’s starting to get really, truly tiresome.

Sex-positivity doesn’t have to mean that you reinforce that to be a strong, independent woman you have to have sex and that a relationship is only successful if they have lots of sex.

[oleanderblume]

A little character analysis essay for Oliver.

WARNING TW FOR TALK OF ABUSE.

So, as those of you who pay attention to me at all know, I'm writing a book series. About clowns. Well— mostly about clowns.

Its basically one enormous allegory for the process of well...processing trauma. In the form of comedy sci-fi, multiverse saving fiction.

But Idk, I've been thinking of doing a little essay on the main character and main POV of the series, my boy Oliver.

Maybe I'll copy and paste this later and make a video essay lol.

Okay so, don't get me wrong, I love Oliver. I love all my characters in the series. But he holds a little special place in my heart due to some halfway through adjustments I made to him while writing. (Also the fact that writing Oliver directly led to my trans awakening)

Who is Oliver? Well, his full name is Oliver Tarsul— later changed to Jariwala when he is adopted by his step father. He's a manipulative, selfish, and insecure 14 year old with an incredibly abuse wrought history, a dead mom, and a fantastic fucking step father.

And his character arc is the most beautiful thing I have ever written.

Idk if you know this, but the book being published this year is the first in a series of 5. And Oliver's character arc spans the course of all five books. I've written the first 3 already.

So Oliver's initial arc when I wrote him was one about processing grief and becoming a better person and friend. Over time, that evolved with the backstop I gave him which inadvertently added so much more depth to his character.

He starts off like the average asshole teenager. He's rude, sarcastic, and overall a fairly unpleasant person to be around. And then I made his biological father abusive. I concocted this idea— that Oliver's current situation is due to his parents getting a divorce after his bio father attempted to kill him. His only goal was to get his mother back.

And then...I made him a victim of chronic physical and sexual abuse. I know! I know that hits a little bit close to home for me personally. I think I did that to have catharsis for my own feeling when I wrote about it.

But I turned Oliver's biological father into a horrific person who beat and r*ped his child for years before he came out as trans and the violence escalated to attempted murder.

So Oliver— obviously, would be really messed up about it. Seeing as all of this had happened before he got his life with Jon (his step dad)

The way Oliver has been treated in the past directly affects his character and his personality. He is selfish and cruel and manipulative because he thinks that's the only way he can protect himself and also get what he wants. And at the same time, he is insecure and self loathing and so, so afraid.

So he uses people and immediately pushes them away when they get too close. He is my all definitions of the word, flawed.

Of course, his arc is about realizing those flaws and working to improve. But at the same time, his arc is also about really and truly coming to grips with his trauma so he can finally process it and heal from it. It wasn't initially that. I didn't intend for it to be that at all, honestly. But I'm so unbelievably glad that it *is* that.

I sound like I'm bragging lol.

But I tied Oliver’s trauma to his personality so well that he as a character is forced to face those awful things in order to maintain the relationships he builds over the story. His relationship with Douglass (Oliver's love interest) is intrinsically tied to his fear of rejection and further abuse. And as a character, Oliver cannot grow or form a healthy relationship with Douglass UNTIL he can process the sexual abuse he endured as a child, he can't even bring himself to talk about it to Douglass until he understands that his seemingly irrational fear of being hurt by him is addressed.

And Oliver's relationship with Dindet is intrinsically tied to his deep seated rage in regards to the abuse he endured. Particularly surrounding his mother's inaction to stop it and her manipulation of him in order to maintain her own safety. THAT is something Oliver is even aware of.

So his arc not only involves personal growth in the form of building and maintaining healthy attachments, but also realizing the root cause of his struggles in order to face them and gain the ability to form healthy attachments.

And all of his arc, every minute shift in his character stems from the slow realization that he is, in fact, a victim of abuse. That he HAS trauma.

And boy, does his characterization really drive that point home.

Having been a victim of abuse myself, I have an intimate relationship with the behaviors victims portray, I know how I think, I know when I have control and when I don't and what sort of frame of mind I'm in when things are bad.

So writing Oliver as a victim of abuse is as realistic as I can possibly get. He has panic attacks. And flashbacks. He has outbursts of anger that are meant to dismantle his relationships to keep himself isolated and "safe". He is not the pretty, tragic victim of abuse portrayed in countless forms of media. He is the ugly, angry, shell of yourself person that uses his unregulated emotions to keep everyone at arms length.

And he is also terrified and self depreciating and constantly, silently screaming for someone to save him from the well of emptiness that his trauma has left in him.

I didn't do that on purpose either. But I'm glad I did it. I'm glad I built a main character that has such awful qualities and made him in such a way that it is still so hard not to care about him.

My beta readers, the folks who read books 1 and 2 before they get released, fell in love with him as a character. They saw through his awful behavior and into the core driving force of his actions and could even— on some level, relate to him.

And that is such an accomplishment. I haven't even mentioned the other characters thus far, or their arcs, almost all of which were well received by my readers.

Oliver though, hands down. Is something very important to me. And I can only hope that the people who read my book once it's published feel even a modicum of love for his character and the gradual, painful growth he goes through.

[lepertamar]

PART 1 of 4(?): LUCIFER ON THEURGY AND HOLIES, NARRATIVE STRUCTURE THERE. 

Bullet pointed thing not separating out good and bad stuff because most of the bad stuff is just like, failures to follow through on good stuff? Or weird arm-twists when the good stuff starts implying things a little too numinous and rebellious to the worldbuilding order and gets forcibly reined in?

Incapable of organizing my thoughts properly even though I tried so I’m just going to post all my thoughts and semi-arbitrarily break them apart into sections, I’ll probably come back to add links to the other parts later:

(I broke this in half lol becuz is was seriously too long but anyway part 2 which is more holies stuff is here)

Bullet 1. Fuck, theurgy is so good.  Like the concept, the entire idea of it. Just fuck that is so good. *Much better explanation of wtf it is in this meta post.* 

But it’s especially good as like a gateway to interactions or concepts too complex or liminal or interactive or emergent to be captured in anything like ‘a normal physical object’ — and it makes for a really really great process from the point of view of the characters doing it (or in Tamar’s and Eliya’s cases, interacting with someone else’s for the first time.) 

The hint comes percolating through, slowly, inexplicitly, (or maybe it’s just because I read that meta post I linked first? I’m not 100% sure) — the whole world is made by this. Infinite recursion of souls. 

1.a Yet it’s........actually pretty shallow simply from explanation of what it is, almost new-age-y vibes that really do it a disservice, and even more an underwhelming disservice when characters are being told how to do it. This is abrahamic fantasy! No embodied and tangible rituals? No songs and chants, no mysterious properties of specific things, which would have an extra layer of meaning because all things are souls? Eliya comes up with, in total (but forcibly unacknowledged) defiance of Lucifer, spoken-word ritual type things towards the end that DO help her, powerfully so. But so much of the book’s discussion of it seems almost designed to make it sound....lame. Thank G-d for Yenatru’s early-on pov of doing his own theurgy or I would have disliked it a lot, and thanks even more to that meta post I linked. 

1.b It’s just…..weird and a bit of an um, self-own, that learning about theurgy was done through the characters literally just fucking…..being taught to about theurgy. As if this was a non-fiction book! Instead of a fiction book, a fantasy one no less, where information-communication is inherently always done differently. Why not have Eliya learn theurgy by subjecting her to various theurgies, manifestations of various people, sending her on a hunt for manifestations and making her have to try to figure them out or understand what this meant until finally she understands enough to ask questions? Why not have various elaborate rituals for theurgy?

BULLET 2. Lucifer is…………!!!$$%%???&&**???>. I loathed Lucifer as a constructed character, an execution of a part of a full narrative story. Absolutely hated them. Could not stop thinking about how much I hated them, how bad it was, all the ways the execution of them completely fails and takes out huge amounts of the overall book — character arcs, concepts, worldbuilding, resonant emotions — with them in the blast radius of the author utter failure at executing them. 

And yet, Lucifer’s CONCEPT is………..amazing, their BACKSTORY is phenomenal. Absolutely incredibly original and drop-dead clever and woven into the worldbuilding in a way where dozens of tiny details about them, about theurgy, about G-d, about angels, etc, all line up to collide and open in the reveal *perfectly*. On the other hand, they are absolutely loathsome as a person. But this isn’t the problem. In fact it’s awesome. It’s not a problem on the front hand of it, at all, that they are so so so awful, as a person. It fits. This is what trauma does. Tells a truth, but then that truth metastasizes into a demanding cancer covering the world. 

2.a (In this book, Lucifer’s (incredibly sympathetic) fall is very, very far from either the traditionalist folk depiction (ewwww rebellion against the wise and good laws of Heaven) OR the now-ubiquitous folk resistant reading (oooooh rebellion against the unjust and oppressive laws of heaven!) Their rebellion is instead basically a rejection of The Way Angels Are Naturally Existing, which is entangled with G-d’s soul in a lawless chaotic orgasmic orgy of unchecked creation that has the pitiless one-way un-budging This Is What Is simple Being-ness of nature and the universe. And it makes so so much sense, that in the intensity of traumatized backlash to this, Lucifer is not simply wise in the ways of ethical demands for justice from G-d and the world the way (I think) Lilith is, but is instead cruelly, reductionistly, circumscribingly dogmatic. They are many other bad things — projecting, saneist, insincere, avoidant, glib, safety-fetishizing, lacking in the tiniest budge of character development, but all these mostly go back to being dogmatic.)

None of which, again, I emphasize again, is anything except BRILLIANT and perfect from a characterization perspective. All of these things fit their character conception and trauma backstory perfectly. The issue is really that not a single one of these things are unearthed or bounced off of as the bad things they are. By which I REALLY don’t mean ‘ugh why didn’t any of the characters explicitly Call Them Out [tell not show] for how awful they are while they’re just minding their own business being awful [shown not told] as a character in this story’. I hate that kind of thing. I mean simply….the other characters’ personalities, natural reactions, and in fact the entire world around Lucifer, warps wildly in order for their creepy narrowing way of steamrollering and falsely-restating-using-‘it’s just my issue’ to be enshrined and stated [telling not showing] as Correct and somehow The Way and The Truth, the Reason Yenatru is happy now, the Reason Eliya succeeded at theurgy. When there’s not a single way this actually tracks.

2.b Why does Yenatru care about this person when everything they say would be horribly devastatingly harmful to Yenatru if its content was aimed at a slightly different category of people, but happens to not be harmful to him simply because this person happens to understand him specifically? Not the tiniest bit of supporting evidence why. There’s a tiny moment, where Lucifer challenges Yenatru to challenge them, in a way where I would almost claim that Lucifer was hoping Yenatru would challenge them and argue back against them, and continue to argue against them throughout the book because Yenatru is one of the few people who could do this without deeply triggering Lucifer’s trauma. But it never ever happens.  It’s also not acknowledged but sadly refused along with their friendship later on, as it also could have been. It’s devastatingly disappointing and brought my liking of Yenatru, which was so so promising and deep because he in many scenes and aspects is written so well, down many notches. 

2.c Why does Eliya successfully uncritically learn anything from them? Why does she [telling not showing] credit Lucifer with anything she learned, when she very very clearly [showing not telling] actually learned everything about herself and about theurgy’s weight and truth from Yenatru and from Tamar? It shatters the imagination to think that any of what Lucifer told her would not be grade-schooler basic knowledge for a lifelong resident of this non-portal-fantasy world, unless theurgy was a Secret Misunderstood Forgotten Art (which it very explicitly and clearly is not). I could see the information Lucifer gave her as perhaps so basic that it could easily fade into the background as not really Meaning anything or being graspable — which is exactly where Yenatru and Tamar, as an unusually gifted and deeply expressive theurgist, and an unusually extreme soul-appreciator and lover, respectively, come in!!!!

2.d And also it could have been where Lucifer’s rigid, trauma-calcified, dogma could have very expressively and poignantly come in too, as something that purports to be about How Souls Are and is illuminating by dint of how hyper-specific and inapplicable to most other people it is, how it’s actually not what souls are, but is very much what a traumatizing but successful struggle to Not Be Steamrollered Into Something You’re Not is. This would have been intensely sympathetic even. And speaking of, here’s the thing: I would have liked Lucifer a thousand times better if they [as a person] had been openly *worse.* If they were outspoken and explicit about their horrible ideas, and if the book [as a narrative] had let them be a mess incapable of intentionally teaching anyone functionally (and therefore much more poignant and illuminating-of-theurgy just by existing as an example of a person, an example that changed the world). Instead of them smoothly tucking their prescriptive ideas into the stretches between other unrelated scenes of ‘oh this is just my issue, these are my own weird biases’. They would be far better if they weren’t being twisted into having the narrative state [tell not show] like they were right about everything.

Bullet 3 It’s this — that’s what I mean. Insincere and politely erasing nonviolent-communication (a specific thing I have encountered a hundred time, more damagingly than any blatant articulated disgust and hatred I have ever encountered) -- with repeated statements  of ‘no it’s okay to be you :)’ ‘i don’t think you’re immoral :)’ ‘everyone is different :)’ despite everything they say belying this. Which when placed alongside everything Lucifer says when not being confronted, does not ever function as a genuine ‘don’t listen to my biases’, but instead functions as a way to avoid actually stating (and therefore baring up to an argument) any of the erasing assumptions underlying their authoritative explanations of other things, so that those assumptions sneak through undetected when they would be interrogated and valuable if they were stated. 

3.a. For example, if Lucifer’s [obvious to me, but probably not obvious to anyone else who hasn’t been personally subjected to a lifetime of this language] revulsion for the Holies and Tamar was openly stated and if they tried to actually argue they were right to be revolted…..I would have loved them! Even if they are arguing Tamar (and indirectly, I too) was a disgusting thing — a ‘leper-soul’ (to quote this fanfic), mad and lost and ruined and degenerate (to quote *this canon book quote*)—I would have loved them! I have nothing but delighted love for people whose clawing desperate insistence on not being what they were raised and created to be, no matter how hateful that makes them towards my loves and experiences.

If Lucifer had said and stuck by this until proven wrong by the narrative [show not tell, or even tell or not show!], instead of simply going ‘oh don’t worry, I don’t think you’re bad :) I don’t think it’s harmful :) it’s just my issue :)’ whenever speaking about Holies, it would have been GOOD and I would have REALLY respected them. Even while everything they’ve actually said about their opinion of souls in other contexts is such that it fundamentally precludes and rejects, as sick and as nothingness and deluded and incapable of being real, the entire concept and lived real existence of Holies (Tamar: I saw them, I am someone who’s done that) — but then Lucifer being actively explicitly validated [again, i mean ‘gets validated’ as in the book states this, with a positive-presence, tell not show wording, while also refusing to admit anyone else influencing Eliya as much or more. i do NOT mean ‘waaahh it’s Obviously Validated becuz Lucifer doesn’t get explicitly called out’ or whatever]. 

In fact, this specific struggle, between what they state to be True, and what Tamar’s very existence declares to be a truth, would have echoed the struggle of their backstory, and conveyed the message of this book more powerfully, more clearly, more sincerely. But seeing Lucifer instead warp a way into an actively (tell not show) defined enlightened master position in the book’s narrative structure made me shake a bit, not going to lie.

Continued uhhhhhhh soon, links to other parts (continually updated) under the cut:

2

[karma-was-taken]

creator tag game

Tagged by @onlymorelove. Thanks Only <3

Rules: It’s time to love yourselves! Choose your 5 favorite works you created in the past year (fics, art, edits, etc.) and link them below to reflect on the amazing things you brought into the world in 2019. Tag as many writers/artists/etc. as you want (fan or original) so we can spread the love and link each other to awesome works!

I honestly kind of hate everything I’ve ever written, but I want to learn to be more positive and self-loving so I’ll try my best to focus on what I do like!

1. a tale of love and lies (Earth-3490, fairy tale AU, SteveTony)

To start things off with a bang, this is without doubt my favorite thing I’ve ever written and one of the only stories I genuinely, wholeheartedly love... which is ironic, because it’s also one of my least popular works. It’s a fairy tale retelling that follows the adventures of Antonia, a princess who left her kingdom in search of honor and disguised herself as a knight along the way. 

Writing this story was a challenge in the most wonderful ways. It is easily the most “serious” fic I’ve ever written: I tried to write it in the style of the original fairy tale (which dates back to the 1550s lmao I like to suffer) and while I don’t know if I managed it perfectly I was really proud of the results I got! I love the concept, the characters, the plot, the style... idk, I’m just really happy with this fic. I don’t really know why it didn’t do as well as I was expecting, but it makes me kind of sad whenever I think about it, so if you feel like reading it and you end up liking it please let me know! It would make me really really happy :)

2. Coming Back and Coming Out: Richie Tozier’s 2019 (IT movies, Reddie)

On a completely different note, I LOVED writing this fic just because it allowed me to be as funny as I wanted without giving a single shit about the plot, and to be honest I love comedy more than I love anything else in life. This is number 2 on the list because I had a blast while writing it, and because I genuinely think it turned out pretty good! I love comedy, I love outsider POVs, I love interview fics, and guess what? This fic has it all! I just wrote whatever I wanted without a single care in the world -- there’s a comedy special bit in there, a bunch of tweets, Bickering As A Love Language, two grown men acting like teenagers in l o v e, sO many bad jokes... 

This fic is a mess, but it’s a funny mess, and I feel like that’s a very me thing to write.

3. A Mermaid’s Kiss (AU, Stuckony)

This one was written for a remix event, and boy oh boy did I struggle to write it, but I’m not too unhappy with how it turned out. It’s got the classic ‘mermaid falling in love with pirates’ trope that I adore, and I always enjoy an excuse to let myself work on a bit of world-building. I loved the challenge of figuring out all the little things Tony could do to communicate without being able to use his words, especially since most of the fic is just a conversation between a merman and two humans. Plus, I mean, Steve and Bucky as pirates... that’s a big hell yeah from me chief.

So yeah, this story is just 9k of Tony going from “these two humans are idiots that’s so fascinating” to “oh god oh god whY are they so HOT and NICE what the FUCK” which is honestly a mood and completely understandable.

4. Redemption (MCU, Winteriron)

This one is basically a big “canon? no thanks!” fic that starts at the beginning of AoU and tries to fix all the problems I had with Civil War. I tend to only write AUs, so writing a canon-divergent fic was interesting but kind of difficult for me. 

Bucky and the Soldier are two separate personalities, which is a concept I find really interesting and I had a lot of fun in getting to explore it. I also love the structure of the fic (the POV switches and the time jumps) and I’m super happy with Winter’s characterization, but I struggled a lot with the ending and I don’t really like how it turned out. Still, I think it’s a good story with a fun narrative structure, and it was fueled by pure spite so the catharsis it gave me... unparalleled.

5. Unposted WIP (MCU, RhodeyTony)

I know I’m breaking the rules but shhhhh!! I’m putting this last because it’s not technically a work I created in 2019 (since it’s still unfinished lol) but oh my god this one is my baby. It’s a rhodeytony fic told from the POV of Peggy Carter and Roberta Rhodes. I honestly started writing it because I adore the trope of Peggy being Tony’s godmother, but then I fell in love with the idea of exploring Peggy and Roberta’s reactions to their two boys falling in love... and I couldn’t resist writing it. Knowing myself, I’ll probably end up unhappy with it once i do get around to posting it, but right now I’m really proud of how it’s turning out. It’s the most character-heavy fic I’ve ever written (I teared up a couple of times while writing it because it’s so emotional for me) and I really hope I’ll get to share it in the future.

That’s it! Thank you Only for tagging me <3 I don’t know if you guys have already done this but imma tag my babes @tinyfuriouscloud @duckmoles @ionicirelia and @starxxreactor. No pressure of course!

[dreadwulf]

gwenspiration

@ofaclassicalmind tagged me for this meme started by @jaimebrienneonline: “Taking the idea from the amazing Gwendoline Christie, we should be promoting ourselves and not acting like our creative endeavors are worthless. In that vein, I challenge everyone to blog their favorite of their own works, art, fic, meta, manip, doll story, whatever it may be. Not someone else’s. 

I feel like I’m already promoting myself way too much, but because I was tagged for it... 

First I want to mention something from my old fandom, Dragon Age: Midnight in a Perfect World and its sequel, Visitations. I mostly shipped a side-companions pairing (Fenris/Isabela) that was not popular and both of these fics, although they are among my favorite things I’ve ever written, to this day have a grand total of 22 kudos each. I don’t think these fics are any worse than what I’m doing now, but I think my style and shipping preferences weren’t a great fit for that fandom. 

I also want to mention the Jaime/Brienne WIP I have shamefully neglected, Terrible Love, which is a Brienne POV book!canon fic that tries to recreate the red tent scene from the show using the book characterizations and after the Lady Stoneheart situation has been resolved. I’m pretty happy with the characterizations for both Jaime and Brienne, and I gave them a pretty intense confrontation where Jaime gives a love confession in a very Jaime way and Brienne does not take it well at. all. It was a little tough to write because there’s a lot of personal stuff in there, particularly when Brienne is having an emotional meltdown. The only reason it stops at chapter 3 is because originally, that was going to be the end of the story. Then once I put up chapter 3 I decided it was too soon to resolve Brienne’s conflict completely, and I would need two more chapters to get her there. And then I started AMFAS and have been writing that ever since. But the standing 3 chapters I actually think are pretty good in themselves. I’ll come back and add more someday. 

For an excerpt I think I pretty much have to put up my massive, 170k word and counting J/B fic A Man for All Seasons, but if I was going to pick out a part, I think I was happiest with Chapter 9: Annhilation. This chapter had several scenes in it that I had been planning since I started the damn thing back in 2017. 

The entire fic is in a lot of ways building to this chapter, but I think you could probably read it on its own, if you wanted to. Jaime has been in Winterfell for months preparing for a Siege by the impending Army of the Dead. Cersei is dead, Tyrion is gone, and Jaime has to start over entirely on his own with no allies while struggling with grief and regret. He’s kept himself pretty much in denial about all the things he’s been through and all the mistakes he’s made, but here he gets hit with absolutely everything at once on one awful day and self-destructs. Brienne, after keeping her distance from him for plot-related reasons, is there to pick him up when he falls. She takes him back to his room and puts him in a bed and essentially takes his confession.

(excerpt behind the cut)

[Jaime] doesn’t know what he’s going to say until he can hear himself saying it. He lets it happen, lets himself float a little way away from his body. It’s like there’s two of him: the one talking to her and another one listening curiously to his own voice saying things he doesn’t know he knows.

“I think I’m falling apart. Something’s terribly wrong with me. I feel ill all of the time and I can’t pay attention to what I’m doing. I look up and I’m somewhere else, or it’s hours later and I’m still in the very same spot and I don’t know what I was doing during all that time. What’s worse is I think it’s been like this all along and I just didn’t notice. Gods, I think years went by like that, very much like that. There were all these things I couldn’t stand to think of, so I just didn’t think of them. I would just be somewhere else inside my head. But now I have to think about those things. I can’t stop thinking about them, unless I stop thinking completely.”

He has to catch his breath. His body has gone slack, arms fallen to his sides. Fortunate that he was already sitting down. There’s more to say and it’s going to hurt, it will be like lancing a wound and letting the poison out. It should be a relief to let it out, but it doesn't feel that way. It feels as though it will keep coming and coming, that perhaps he is all poison, that he is nothing but wounds loosely sewn together and when all of his pain comes out there might be nothing left of him.

Jaime goes on anyway, in a low, dead voice. “My father was right. I spent all those years in King’s Landing as - what did he call it? 'A glorified bodyguard'. Not even that, practically a doorstop. When I was young I had so many dreams and ambitions and so much I wanted to do and somehow I forgot it all. All my dreams of knighthood and once I had it I was just marking time. I didn't think past the next day, the next night, the next morning. I had no plans for the future, no desire but whatever stolen moments I could take with Cersei.  I thought of nothing but what pleasure I could get from her. If I ever wanted anything more it only registered as this vague unhappiness that I blamed on everyone but us. I never asked for more. I didn’t care who we hurt. And now she’s dead, and our children are dead, and it should have been us who died first, they should have outlived us both. Tommen and Marcella anyway. They were good. They were so good. I don’t know who they got it from.”

“Jaime.” Her tone is so gentle that it pains him to hear it. It puts him back in his body where every nerve ending is afire. He is light-headed, his breathing fast and shallow and this is going to be too much, he’s on the verge of going away completely and right in front of Brienne, and he does not want her to see that again. But he’s still talking. He can’t stop.

“I think I’ve wasted my life, Brienne.”

“You’ve mucked it up a fair bit,” she says steadily, not quite letting him off the hook. “But it’s not over yet.”

“I can’t stand it. I keep going away so I can not think about it, but when I come back it’s worse. I’ve done everything wrong. All of this is my fault, all of it. The war. It wouldn’t have happened if not for me. Cersei died because of me. But so did Ned Stark, and Catelyn, and all of the other people who died in the War of the Five Kings. Because of me.”

She is smiling up at him. “You are so incredibly vain,” she says fondly.

That shakes him. “What in the hells do you mean?”

Brienne shakes her head slowly. “I should have known you would jump immediately from total irresponsibility to blaming yourself for absolutely everything. You, all on your own, started a war between five Kings? Did you kill Jon Arryn? Or Baelon Greyjoy? Did you murder Renly with the red god’s magic? Were you at the battle of the trident? Are you to blame for years of misrule? A thousand years of Targaryen history? No single person did all of that. Many people did that together.”

She takes his hand. “You played your part, you and many others. And you are atoning for it. You’re defending Winterfell and the North from an enemy that has nothing to do with you, who stands to annihilate all of Westeros. You’re doing the right thing. You’re becoming the honorable man you were always meant to be. Not because anyone told you to do it or because you expected any reward. Because you wanted to, because it was right.”

Her kindness, as it often does, fills him with a kind of dismay. It’s a mistake. She has mistaken him for someone he's not.

“You don’t understand. I've done terrible things,” he admits, with a sensation like sinking into the floor. “I'm a terrible person.”

“Ramsay Bolton was a terrible person. You aren't nearly his equal. Nor Littlefinger's - and if any single person is responsible for the mess we're in now, he is. As a villain you wouldn't even make the Bloody Mummers.”

Being made fun of, even gently, he does not take kindly to. He shakes his head frowning. “But Tyrion was right. It doesn't matter that I didn’t participate or that I disapproved of the Red Wedding, or Ned's death, or all the things Cersei did. I let it happen. I looked the other way. I never tried to stop them.”

“Neither did he,” she points out, with tender stubbornness. “And you did work against them, in a lot of ways. You sent me after Sansa, when Cersei wanted her dead. You set Tyrion free. I’d wager you’ve done even more than I know about. I would not be surprised to find you've been quietly resisting them your whole life.”

This he has never understood, where she has found this faith she has in him. He must have fooled her somehow, but damned if he can figure out how. He must look bewildered, because she goes on to explain.

“The man who drowned entire houses for power has a son who rejects power at every turn. Imagine that -- Tywin Lannister's son, of all people. Ever since you were a boy, you were dreaming of being a true knight, protecting the weak, and righting wrongs. Where did that come from? That wasn't your father’s idea. Swearing yourself to the Kingsguard definitely wasn’t his idea.”

No, it was Cersei's, he tries to say, but before he can say it, she's rushing ahead.

“Giving up your inheritance and the family name, refusing positions of authority, avoiding responsibility - do you know what that sounds like to me?” She doesn’t wait for his answer. “It sounds very much like a man who desperately doesn't want to be his father.”

That… is something that has never occurred to him. It feels important. But he isn't going to be able to sort through that now. It’s too big, he can’t get his head around it.

“We did awful things. My father did, and Cersei did, and I helped them.”

“You did,” she says steadily.

“The truth is...” he looks at his feet. “I still miss them. I miss all of them.”

His vision blurs, and he has to close his eyes and clench his jaw tightly to keep himself in hand. He has never quite gotten around to grieving for any of his family, not his father nor his three children, not Uncle Kevan and Cousin Lancel who died at Baelor, not for his brother’s betrayal or his terrible defeat at Highgarden and the men he watched burning to death there. He had to be strong for Cersei, her pain had always taken precedence over his. He had no right to mourn or be comforted. And then she was gone too, and he is left utterly alone, untwinned, orphaned, widowed.

After so long repressing his grief he thought it had faded on its own, but he had only concealed it. Now it’s all flooding in at once. Suddenly it just hurts, it hurts beyond his ability to hold it all. It’s just going to crush him.

Then Brienne is putting her arms around him, around his neck, and pulling him close. “Of course you miss them. Of course.”

The only thing bigger and stronger than this agony is Brienne. She is as powerful and steady as a castle wall and she can hold him together. She takes all his weight onto her and holds onto him until he finally relents and puts his head on her shoulder and lets it all go, begins to weep quietly into her neck. All of the losses in the last few years that he has never been able to mourn, he feels them all at once, in a terrible flood of despair and defeat.

He holds on to her tightly, shaking with painful, wrenching sobs. He's having years of emotions all at once. It feels like it will tear him apart. Brienne does not recoil from his tears, not the way Cersei or his father or even Tyrion would. She puts her hand on the back of his head and runs her fingers through his hair and shows no impatience with his weakness.

Whatever it is that holds Brienne back from the world, keeps her tightly controlled and contained, she’s broken through it now. She’s right here with him, touching him, trying to get through. Because he needs her. That’s what it takes to bring down her walls, it turns out. If he needs her, she will take them down herself.

“You haven’t lost everyone,” she whispers in his ear. “You haven’t. I’m not much but… you have me. You will always have me.”

[ibitchytimemachine]

Chapters: 53/? Fandom: Dragon Ball Rating: Explicit Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con Summary:

With Earth destroyed, Bulma and the Z gang find themselves in an outer space guerilla war against a tyrant. The mysterious Vengeance seems to be the only hope to win the war against Frieza, but teaming up with him brings its own set of problems.

 AU, ensemble cast but with focus on BV. Several other pairings (m/F and m/m) and non-romantic relationships get significant screen time.

While Vengeance often appears to be a light-hearted, funny story, there are darker elements running through several storylines. Warnings of non-con are for isolated incidents and don't reflect the story as a whole, but explicit descriptions of sex, violence, and general depravity are contained within these chapters.

Of all the Vegebul fics I have read, this one is easily my favorite. It has nuance, gives (almost) every character full and rich motivations and story lines. You find yourself rooting for the oddest pairs and weirdest people. I can not recommend this story enough, and if you wanna read my thoughts on it, lets dive into spoilers below the cut! 

So this story has something for everyone. You want thick well thought out and executed plot? DONE! Humor? DONE! Large cast of characters, both canon and OC who are all pretty well flushed out? DONE! Smut? Name your poison, chances are, its in here. There is so much about this story that I love that I am struggling with exactly the best way to organize my thoughts. So instead of agonizing over it, instead I am just gonna throw away all my careful notes that I have taken during my read and just freaking ramble! 

I think the first thing that people are a little put off on is the rare pair of RaditzXPuar. I will tell you that I 5,000 percent ship these two and it is all because of reading this fic. I love it so much that I MAY have even taken some time to draw my own fan art for the pair, but lets just leave THAT in the vaults xD When Raditz first encounters Puar, he is NOT a cat. Puar is in a Human form and is shifted to be Bulma. Raditz immediately is attracted to Puar’s scent and when they later encounter each other in a bar and end up ( ͡ᵔ ͜ʖ ͡ᵔ ) Ray is still just enamored by Puar’s scent. Whenever we see Rays POV in-between the time that Ray has fucked Human Puar, and the time that Puar is discovered, Ray keeps catching scents of the cat. And it drives him fucking wild. He later says that he is so crazy for Puar that he was about to fuck a houseplant cause it reminded him of Puar. Beyond that we get the backstory on Bonding and that basically Saiyans bond to a mate kinda at random so Ray has basically taken Puar as his husband. Raditz is really a great lover, there is a relationship imbalance between the two, but Ray doesnt take advantage of it. Its really a pretty healthy relationship. Puar gets jealous of some stuff, Ray gets WAY jealous of stuff but they always seem to talk it over. Shit at one point Ray dreams of having kids with Puar, and he is swiftly reminded that Puar is a MAN and will never be and never wants to be a WOMAN. 

A huge part of me feels like this Puarditz pairing is commentary on identity, self acceptance and love. Ray is constantly telling Puar that he doesnt care what his body looks like (except that he is excited to see Puar has a tail), only that it is Puar that he is in love with. It is only Puar Ray wants, no matter if he is a human, cat, plant, screwdriver or anything else. Puar talks about how he feels weird in his cat body, but it is his natural form and he wants to change and be bigger, more menacing, or just different. And I think we can all appreciate that sentiment at some point in our lives, but I can also see this as a low key message about trans acceptance and its fucking beautiful. Hell even Bulma tells Puar that he should take whatever form he is most comfortable in and basically fuck everyone who disagrees. I love that message and I love this pair - fight me. 

I really want to talk about another pretty complex character in this fic, Zarbon. He struggles with so much shame and negativity in this story. He hides behind his good looks and his hair, and when that shit gets cut off, Zarbon is a completely different man, it is shedding his old evil skin and literally growing into his own as a new man, a better person, and you start to care about him. His time with Frieza has basically ruined his ability to have any sort of healthy relationship - friend or other, because he resorts to sex for just about any close relationship he has. The FIRST person he meets after being rescued from Frieza, he starts bedding. Hell he promises a pity fuck to Burter for rescuing him, and come on.. I have never wanted a Burger sex scene more than when I was reading this fic. No really... Catgirl has a way of making you root for just about everyone... I think  that besides the slavers, the only character I HATE is Frieza, and thats pretty cool. AND Speaking of Frieza, shit hes a bad dude in this story. There aren't many POVs of him, and we see a lot of Frieza through Zarbon, Vegeta and Burter, but the POVs after Zarbon escapes and Frieza is trying to replace him is she fucked up shit. You really see his madness when he is sitting in the bloody tub stroking the hair of the dead attendant wishing it was Zarbons. He repeatedly states how much he gave to Zarbon, and how he basically loved him, but then you see him torture the poor man, sexually assault him, and generally just be a complete tyrannical asshole to him. 

The way the Nameks are handled is really cool. I love the nod to canon with them living with the Briefs on Red Station, I love watching Dende figure out how to lead, and struggle with his followers. I love how he makes the decision to room with Gohan as a way of bridging the gap between the Namekians and the Saiyans. The decisions Dende makes shows that he is dedicated to moving forward and not being stuck in the past. But you see him still struggling with things in the past, Zarbon for example. it is hella tense for a while when he first comes aboard because Dende feels Zarbon is responsible for the demise of his people, and Dende seeks out others help and advice on how to manage his feelings. He gets several peoples views and chooses what he thinks is the best, just like a good leader would. He even attempts to make Piccolo feel more welcome in the Namekian contingent of beings on Red Station.

Nappa is a super important character for the beginning of the story. He is the voice of Saiyan past and he advises Vegeta, wether he takes the advice or not. Overall he is the Father figure Vegeta needs (a common role for him) but he tells Vegeta and Raditz about bonding and Gohan comments that it sounds like LOVE. Nappa has some really shitty moments with Bulma, but overall I really like the sweet peeks into his head, when he thinks about his dead wife and babies, or when he tears up about the thought of Bulma and Vegeta having “little princes” of their own, is just heartwarming. And the attraction to Momma Briefs is cute and funny and provides so much ammunition for Bulma to hate Nappa (and boy do they hate each other)

I kinda hate how K18 gets treated in this story, and part of that is how long it takes for 18 to come about, and another part of that is the fact that the story isn't finished. I feel like 18′s android qualities are REALLY played up, which isn't a bad thing - great characterization in fact... but poor Krillin deserves so much better than being mounted with no foreplay and then immediately being engaged... Now I will say that I really like both of these characters in this fic, just wish things were finished cause their relationship has so much more to explore. 

I have both love and hate the Vegebul relationship dynamics in this story. They obviously care for one another, but the relationship seems super unhealthy... there is really no talking, relationship building going on in story. a LOT of fucking sure, but it almost feels like these two banter, fuck but don't really know one another.. and thats kinda sad.. I like that part of a Vegebul fic. Bulma is legit scared of Vegeta on multiple occasions and even in the last published chapter Vegeta looks at her and thinks that she is a monster just like him. And hell with her improvements to the Ki Circlet, she probably is. I will say that their smut is A++ fantastic, it is real, sometimes it is awkward (when they fuck in her lab it is both hot and funny) and there is always a mention of safe sex. 

With all the time spent on, pretty much everyone, including 2 OCs, it is sad that 17, Dr. Briefs and Tien don't get a little more love. They have very very brief scenes peppered throughout the story, and they just seem like after thoughts.. Shit Roshi and Oolong have more impact on the story than any of these three do and thats just a bummer. I am gonna say that maybe they have parts in the unwritten bots of the fic, but who knows if it will ever be updated, much less finished at this point. 

This story is fantastic. I can not recommend it enough. The relationship dynamics alone are fantastic, never mind the fact that Catgirl is FUCKING FANTASTIC at showing not telling, but even when she tells it is impactful. She has a wonderful grasp of character voice and each POV feels like it is actually that characters POV, told through them, not through the lens of a narrator. There are some amazing quotes in this story, some are just funny, 

Others.. Not so much.... 

These are a bunch of misfits thrown together, fighting to survive, and ultimately building a home. Hell Zarbon sees it and is shocked by it.. He says he is amazed by Vegeta “Floating around this country cottage of a ship, lord and master of an assortment of weaklings.” And Zarbon is right. Vegeta is the lord and master of this rag tag crew, and Bulma is their Queen. Their relationship is the glue that holds this little family together. This story is a tale of their struggle to defeat Frieza, but thats not what this story is ABOUT. This story is about, family, friends, love, home and ultimately all the wholesome things humanity has to offer. Sometimes we fuck up, and fight and create drama, but we persevere through those trials and (hopefully) become stronger, more well rounded and more human. And that is a really nice message. 

As a bonus, @rutbisbe drew this amazing Puar/Raditz fan art for this fic and I love it (AND I LOVE THEM SO MUCH)

If you liked this review, after you check this fic out, head over to my A03 and read some of my stuff!

[umisabaku]

Ages ago, I asked a question about characterization, and you gave fantastic advice, but I am struggling with it again! I have a story where I need a character who I want to be distinctive and interesting??? And I kept thinking of /your/ characters (both fanfic OCs and Light in Dark Places characters) and how unique and interesting and well-developed they are. So any advice for coming up with characters (especially personality stuff?) and especially when I can’t think of where to start? Thanks!

Hello, anon-friend!! I am always so honored to be asked questions about writing =D I am glad to hear from you again! I still stand by my thoughts in this post (which I figured was the one you were referencing) but I do think there are lots of ways to come up with characters, and I’m more than happy to keep talking about it, although for sure I will emphasize that any advice should be taken with a grain of salt! (Although I was thrilled that you also enjoy the Light in Dark Places characters, so thank you for that, anon-friend, it made my day =D)

So! That disclaimer being said. I came up with multiple ways to answer this question, and for brevity’s sake, I’m only going to list one of them. But if you want to hear a different way, please feel free to leave another ask, because I have another answer all prepared.

I think one of the key ways I come up with characters is to first ask myself the question: how does this character relate to other people? It’s one of the reasons why I like to write from the “outsider” POV.

By pure coincidence, I saw a 7apps ad that was talking about the “three faces” proverb in Japan: the face you show the world, the face you show your family, and the face you never show anyone. And I thought, figuring out those three answers for any given character is the perfect way to come up with an interesting, layered character.

Just to use “This is Love” again as an example, since it comes readily to mind, the whole thing about Youji’s character is 1) He is very charming and likable to the world 2) Around Masaomi, he is a softer person but freer to do unlikable things like steal wallets, call him names or be a jerk because he knows Masaomi doesn’t mind. 3) At heart, he has a very low self-esteem and thinks most people won’t like him. So having that exchange is what’s been the most fascinating thing for me to write, because that means at any given moment, I’m writing a different version of Youji depending on who else is in the scene with him and whose perspective I’m writing from.

I think having the basic idea of “how do most people view this character” “how do close friends and family view this character” and “how does this character view himself” is a great way to come up with an interesting character. Because, unless you have a very deliberate reason for doing so, the person should be a different person under all three categories.

(My exception was Hinami. I wanted Hinami to have the underlying character trait of “I will save everyone who needs saving” and that was going to be how the world viewed her, how her friends viewed her, and how she viewed herself. I had very deliberate reasons for deciding that what you saw from Hinami was going to be exactly what you get from Hinami.)

So just deciding things like: does everyone usually like this character? does everyone usually hate this character? Can then lead down interesting paths.

In general, the other guiding principle is also, “what kind of character do I need in order to advance the plot of my story.”

I could probably do an extended analysis on coming up with Shiori’s character, but I won’t for now. Just as brief context, I was originally envisioning that Shiori’s character was going to be a lot like Furihata, personality-wise, but she ended up being drastically different than her initial concept. The thing about Shiori was, I needed her to be the person all three characters liked from the beginning. And, looking again at how the characters related to each other, that meant all three of them saw a different version of Shiori in the beginning. Youji had a calming ally, Masaomi had a challenge and a mystery, Hinami had someone she wanted to protect. This resulted in a Shiori who was different than how I originally thought she would be but ultimately someone who could move the action of the plot forward (eventually getting all four characters together and talking to each other.)

OK! I am cutting myself off there, because I figure I really could go on and on, and I really do have a whole different answer to this same question, so if you’d like to hear the different answer, just let me know and I’m happy to answer again =D Good luck writing, anon-friend! Once again, take all advice with a grain of salt, but I do hope there was something helpful here. Thanks again for asking!!!!

[sometimesrosy]

So, this is a question regarding writing choices and not a ship thing at all so I hope answering it doesn't get you any hate. What do you think of the decision to give us Echo's "backstory" and issues with her past in season 6 and not sooner? Do you think it was always the plan, or is this a response to the backlash regarding her characterization in season 5? It just seems kind of odd to me pacing wise, unless we're getting her death or some other dramatic change from her in s6.

I think that fandom’s belief in their effect on the story is greatly exaggerated. I just don’t think that the writer’s responses to fandom’s upsets are all that important. Yes they do respond to what fandom does. But I don’t really see that in major storylines, but rather in smaller gestures, minor storylines that don’t affect the plot or themes or main relationships. They adjust, they don’t really change. 

I think also that people are incorrect about the writer’s intentions in regards to Echo. We get a lot of “they wanted us to be invested in B/E,” but as far as I can see, if they wanted us to be invested in endgame B/E, they would have shown us how it happened, how they were together, rather than dropping it in our laps in OPPOSITION to 30 minutes of Clarke being alone and tortured and missing Bellamy and wanting him back. Compare and contrast the the storylines. How do they affect each other? If they spend the first half of the episode ENTIRELY on Clarke’s pov, they are not telling you that Echo’s romance is the thing to be rooting for.. They want your response to be, “OH NO! Clarke!” 

They are COURTING that. And to make it a REAL worry, they have to make B/E a REAL danger. It has to be a REAL relationship. Not as primary as Bellarke, but real to Bellamy. So we see his investment in it, we see them treating each other well, but we don’t really see how it developed or their tie. 

STILL, we’re seeing Clarke’s reaction to B/E. We’re seeing Octavia’s reaction to B/E, and THOSE are the most important reactions. Because it’s about Bellamy’s relationship with Clarke and with Octavia and how Echo is an obstacle to BOTH. How do they feel about it? Shock. Anger. Sorrow. Loss. Loneliness. Betrayal. Hate. How does Echo feel about them? She’s worried about Octavia and has NO reaction to Clarke and Bellamy. 

What is the story about? Clarke. Octavia. Bellarke. The Blake Siblings.

Why give backstory in season 6? Because it’s part of the story? Did people expect Echo to disappear because they didn’t want her to be with Bellamy? Well I know for a fact they did, because before season 5 even started, people said they were going to stop watching until she did. They tried to erase her from the narrative completely and when that didn’t work, they tried to say that she was evil, wrong, bad, a villain, and Bellamy was OOC for the simple act of protecting her and being loyal as if she was family. So. People thought that OOC means his IN CHARACTER loyalty and protectiveness was OOC if it was directed towards someone they didn’t like. That’s not how character works. 

There are actually A LOT of storylines that have not been fully explored in season 5. And I think there’s a simple reason for that. Because they are telling story of the reunion of all our heroes over the course of TWO seasons. Bellarke, The Blake siblings, Kabby, Memori, Marper, Zaven, Princess Mechanic, Team Cockroach, B/E, Bellamy x Miller, Clarke x Madi, Bellamy x Madi, Clarke x Madi x Bellamy, Madi x spacekru. All these relationship stories are being stretched out over two seasons. 

And that includes the character stories. Bellamy’s hero’s journey, Clarke’s hero’s journey, Murphy’s acceptance of himself, Abby’s struggle with addiction, Monty’s desire for peace, Madi’s ascension, Raven facing her failure to get them down to earth, Emori’s confidence in her skills, Kane’s desire for peace, AND ECHO’S STORY OF BELONGING AND LOYALTY AND FAMILY. 

What we have here are a LOT of stories about character that have been developing in the return of humanity to the surface and the struggles over the last spot of livable earth. The battle for Eden is over, but the character and relationship journeys that started in s5, are mostly not over. Those will continue in season 6.

S5 dealt with the Bellarke reunion and the Blake reunion, memori’s relationship struggles, Madi wanting freedom from Clarke, Murphy’s self esteem problem, Monty’s desire to make algae not war, Zaven, Marper’s happily ever after ending, Bellamy’s hero’s journey

S6 has these stories on deck. Bellarke romance, B/E break up, Blake sibling reconnection. Octavia redemption (might take longer than one season.) Kabby. Princess Mechanic, Millamy. Clarke’s hero’s journey. Madi being heda, Raven’s redemption/forgiveness, Being the good guy. And what’s up with Echo. 

They are PACING their stories. Some were told in season 5, like marper and memori. Some were broken up in the middle, like Bellarke and the Blakes. Some were set up for season 6, like princess mechanic, AND like Echo and b/e’s break up. First off, there are only TWO stories that could happen with b/e, because there is no conflict in their relationship, it’s in a stasis. They either choose to be with each other, or they break up. There’s no narrative tension there except for with Clarke and Octavia. So he either says, “no I choose Echo,” or he says, “I do not choose Echo.” And actually, he kind of did not choose Echo with Octavia. He chose his sister. But will he do the same w Clarke? Well, he chose Clarke over Octavia, so….This is set up. Will it be an easy choice? No. But it’s not really a head choice. It’s a heart choice, as much as he’s trying to make it a head choice. 

I’m sorry. I feel like I’m going on too long, but maybe I’m not. When fandom talks about Echo, they seem to be focused on shipping and only relate her story to B/E and C/B/E and Bellarke. And they have a lot of feelings about that which take precedence.

But that’s not the story I’m seeing. B/E was used as an obstacle with the Blakes and with Bellarke. But otherwise, Echo’s story had almost nothing to do with Bellamy. She was with spacekru and raven and murphy. She was dealing with being a spy again, the past coming back, a new heda, eligius, questions of ethics and pragmatism. And a little bit of loneliness and longing for b/e, but not that much.

When people take the focus off of the main characters (Clarke, Bellamy, Octavia) and put it onto Echo, they are losing the thread of the story. They’re losing the MEANING of it. This is one of the reasons that POV is important. WHOSE STORY IS IT?

Not teling Echo’s story is a choice that keeps us focused on Clarke and Bellarke and the Blakes. Because THEY are the story. Echo is a secondary character, and apparenlty they NEED to tell her story because the fandom has no clue who she is or what her point in the story is, because when looked at from the romance story of B/E, there’s nothing. Or little. I mean, that’s because they’re not telling the romance story of B/E.

And here’s my guess. They won’t be telling it in s6 either. The story Echo has started is about BELONGING. And FAMILY. And LOYALTY. That’s what JR said it was, and that’s what is on screen. 

So the backstory will be about that. And it’s going to be heavily influenced by Bellamy’s feelings for Clarke, and spacekru’s feelings for Clarke, all of whom have a closer relationship to her than Echo. KNOWING that Clarke basically gave up her place in spacekru so Echo could have it. She gave up her helmet so Echo could live. She thought she was dying, so maybe didn’t fight as hard to get back to the ship. 

So here’s the thing. The pacing IS weird. That means. Step back and figure out what’s up with the pacing. The lack of Echo story in s5 did not fit a b/e romance story. So back up and check if the theory of b/e romance works. It doesn’t. BUT it DOES work if the b/e romance is the romantic obstacle leg of a c/b/e love triangle. It works very well and fits the trope perfectly. Adding in some “suddenly alive” and “widower” “the notebook” and “second chance” tropes. 

It IS possible that they’re getting ready to kill off Echo, and so give her backstory to gain the audience’s empathy for her, like they did with Finn. It’s also possible that she’s getting her own backstory about loyalty, family, belonging, and HER past which was as a child soldier, prized slave assassin of azgeda. Her life was GIVEN to the throne. Like Ontari who went psychotic. And I will be honest, that if I think about who Echo’s character is in totality, not just as a love interest, then what I see is a great possibility that we’ll be dealing with the issue of slavery on the two suns planet. And they will use Echo’s backstory to give us a connection to that. And whether they give us some b/e backstory I don’t know. But we do know that there was a reaper on set last season. All the reapers are 131 years long dead. We know that Echo was captured by MW, likely by reapers. And we’ve seen the reaper connections with all of our other main characters (the only other possibility is Indra, but we don’t even know if she’ll be on the planet,)  so my speculation is we’ll get Echo’s backstory before she met Bellamy in mw. It won’t be about Bellamy or b/e. It will be about Echo, and humanity, and how she was never of value, she was expendable, which has ALSO been a theme in this show.

No. I don’t think Echo’s backstory in s6 will be weird. She’s all wrapped up with multiple themes and storylines in this show and has been since s2. 

[real-fakedoors]

You must have gotten this question a lot but... how did you get the idea for star-crossed? And how’d you develop the world? I was really inspired by how you detailed your story to create such an amazing image for us readers of the world; especially when it got down to politics, the watches, characterizations and the planets-turned-countries. I’m currently writing (or trying to write) a book of my own, and I’ve been struggling with how to incorporate those kind of details. Do you have any advice?

hello & thank you for the ask! what a wonderful question, and an even more glowing compliment!! my heart is so full :,)

it’s a mixture of a few things, and I’m happy to break it down further if you’d like, but allow me to lay out my basic approach to writing in general & this fic specifically. I’ll try to address each question the best I can!

1. Ideas born from ideas

Music - I’m one of those people who draw on other sources of inspiration – especially music. All three of my most popular stories were at least first thought of by songs. (star-crossed was inspired by Constellations by The Oh Hellos).

Reference material/research - I’ve tried to be as explicit as possible in star-crossed when I describe/utilize the design of another creator for the basis of my work (like all of Lance’s pretty outfits), but in general, having reference material is the MOST IMPORTANT thing. I’ve done a ton of research on medieval culture, cuisine, buildings, and courts. A good example of this is from Chapter 16: The Prisoner’s Dilemma, I had no freakin’ idea how to describe a battlement, or what that even was – hence me googling “what is the top of a castle wall called” > they’re called battlements, got it! > google image, battelments 

There, I found this:

and from that, I wrote this:

Quietly, they climbed until the highest reaches opened around them, a large plane of dark stone, stained by ombre rust to near-black on opposing ends of the terrace. A very small amount of snow had gathered, but most of it had blown away in the wind –  some small catches had gathered in pockets of shade, where the perimeter wall was buttressed by columns of scaffolding that each came to a point. They were massive structures, like stone arrows pointing towards the heavens; vaguely, Lance remembered one of his mother’s stories about a fletcher’s workshop for the gods; the sweep magnificence of the architecture, certainly lent itself to a sense of the divine and otherworldly greatness.

Linear plot - In terms of figuring out what I want to accomplish in the story, and in the chapters, I quite literally depend on my notes. I tend to get over-eager and want to do a lot in one chapter, so I force myself to map things out in accordance to time rather than events, and that helps me maintain something of a regular pace.

There are a few things I knew I had to have happen in the story, and some of it filled in naturally as I began writing. Here’s a picture of my office from the week I began writing star-crossed.

(the text on the sticky notes doesn’t really matter; but pink are plot points and yellow are narrative themes)

If you squint – an example – Tuesday was supposed to be the day of the bombing, originally. All of the tension and build up and worries about the murder plot were never actually going to happen, as it was going to be wrong-place/wrong-time as a bomb went off in the city. Lance was always intended to get caught up in it instead of Keith as the target, but that obviously didn’t end up happening.

Why? As I wrote the beginning chapters, I had to remind myself that Keith is the Prince of Marmora, of which their expertise is spy networks and information. It didn’t seem feasible to me that such a large scale attack could occur in Marmora without the Blade knowing about it, which is why the attention ended up shifting towards the ball specifically.

Prompts - I am also of the belief that there is no reason to reinvent the wheel. There are wonderful, wonderful authors and writers out there who generate material specifically designed to help writers kickstart ideas; I collected a huge Google Doc of these when I first started star-crossed just to keep my head in accordance with the right themes. Rarely do I use a prompt word-for-word because they never really fit exactly what I’m writing, but the tone of the language often helps me in moments when I’m stuck. Here’s a sampling (and I am sorry, I didn’t think to mark the original blogs I took these from:

“The world was in flames. People were in need of laughter.”

“The world was in flames” helped me to derive some of the terrible disaster that came on the third night of the ball. I just really like that visual, so much orange and red light, and the unbearable heat.

“You can feel the world blooming and withering around you while you’re in prison.”

This sort of… live-and-die, questioning mortality thing, while in “prison” helped me to build Lance’s internal monologue while he was in the cellar.

“If I ignored destiny, so can you.”

Because Klance.

“I was waiting for a chance to ask you to dance with me, but you were gone.”

A knife-twist of how, though this was loosely inspired by the premise of Cinderella, Keith only got to ask Lance to dance twice over the course of three days – in part because Lance was always gone or with someone else, but also because Keith was equally tied up in the expectation that he was to dance with anyone who asked him.

The watches - That was my hope of tying in the paladin’s bayard. It was theoretically impossible to have a magical weapon appear in the hands of four teenagers and an adult without it raising many conspicuous questions, so I needed something a little more subtle. There’s still some… [redacted] about time that has to [redacted] before [redacted] can [redacted], so I can’t say much more than that. :,)

Pomp, Circumstance & Politics (oh my!) - okay, sorry, I couldn’t resist. heh. but, yeah, I don’t know if I can point to one specific thing in particular that gave rise to the political quagmire of this story. It’s definitely been inspired by an array of existing media – Downton Abbey certainly helped shape the “upper class” vs. “lower class” treatment. I also really enjoy historical readings. fiction or nonfiction, pertaining to wars: Ken Burn’s Vietnam War, for instance, helped remind me of the massive impact the decisions of few can have on the many. Whether or not you support a war, or a policy in Marmora’s case, can have devastating after-effects for the people beneath you. Keith and Krolia happen to be very conscious of this. But even so, there will always be a level of detachment from their view of the “many” (in which Lance, Hunk and Pidge fall), and this is never so apparent as when things are told from Lance’s POV. He’s just another person. He’s just one person. One of the hundred of thousands that would be effected by the daily decisions of Keith or Krolia, and it is that constant tension between “big picture” and “small picture” that I try to draw out in the on-going struggles had by the characters.

2. For me, the character’s are the world. 

That’s not me being poetic or anything – let me explain.

Imagine this: Suppose there is a person who has been devoid of all of their senses, all of their life – no touch, no smell, no hearing – nothing. Then suppose, one day, they are shaken from this catatonic state for the first time. Their senses now free, how would they experience this scene I am writing? What is so prevailing to the senses that it demands to be included in the narrative?

That is how I write my my worlds, at least descriptively. I try to pick out a few key things someone wouldn’t be able to help but notice.

This is great for characterization, too, because I can tweak the premise of the “feelingless individual” to suit how I imagine my characters. 

Keith, for example, from star-crossed – a few things I keep in mind when writing him: he is constantly frustrated by his inability to act on his impulses, so when he does it is extra satisfying. He’s keenly aware of the mannerism of others because of his upbringing in the court – if they have a weapon on their hip, for instance, is something he would notice in a heartbeat.

There were certain ticks to look for in a person trying to get too close: the ways their eyes moved, where their hands sat, what sort of clothing they wore. Was it something trim and fitted to make for an easy escape, or something bulky with a dozen pockets to hide any manner of weapon? Were those chemical burns on their hands from working with unstable materials? Did they look restless, liked they’d been up all night debating with themselves to go through with such a monumental act?

Maybe it was just learned paranoia, but these were the small enough traits that most people wouldn’t notice.

Keith, however, was trained to notice.

Lance, on the other hand, is a little more indulgent but easily overwhelmed; he has been restricted his whole life, so he indulges often and easily, but that puts him in a vulnerable position that can (and has) left him open to being hurt by the world around him. He’s one who is going to notice the weather, the quality of the air, because those were things that held meaning to him when he lived in the mountains – he’s one to fixate on his own mistakes, because he’s used to them being pointed out to him.

Lotor wanted to take off his mask so it was one less thing getting in the way, an obstruction to peeling back Lance’s sense of self, his ideas and interests and beliefs balled up in and thrown in a bin, along with his name and his past, so that he could be some fucked up little prize for the guy’s own enjoyment.

The fucking betrayal of his own body, too. The flushed cheeks, the friction of his hips over Lotor’s… ugh. It wasn’t —  he didn’t want it, it didn’t feel good, but the physical sensation was demanding and his body literally could not do anything but respond, and the memory of that alone was enough to have him clutching his head between his knees, legs drawn up to his chest.

Why was this so confusing? It shouldn’t be, and that only made Lance more frustrated. Lotor was a selfish asshole who tried to use his title to his advantage and force Lance to do things he didn’t want to do. Lance had even succeeded in pushing him away and standing up for himself, but the triumph was bittersweet.

This mindset was especially critical when writing Chapter 14: Twenty-Six Hours, because it was the first time we delved into the consciousnesses of the other characters! (I’m just really happy with the way that one turned out *sob*)

Also, a note on villany: I really dislike one dimensional villains. I prefer when my evil comes with a healthy dose of “fuck I sort of agree with that… to an extent?”

Which is why writing Lotor’s big monologue in Chapter 16: The Prisoner’s Dileema was such a challenge. I had to make his treatment of Lance seem, in some fucked up version of reality, justifiable. Because really, Lotor is a product of circumstance; he was raised with his beliefs of the poor and especially of someone of Lance’s “status,” and was acting in such a way that reflected that up-bringing. Now, Keith was raised in similar circumstances and isn’t a huge piece of shit, so there’s no excuse for Lotor’s behavior – but it’s at least logical. You can imagine buying an ox that’s for sale at the market, and then using said ox to plow your fields; we don’t see that as cruel or as mistreatment. Lotor sees Lance as little more than that, and so, in giving him lots of attention and “validation” (something that we know canon-Lotor was unfortunately lacking), it stands to reason that he was in fact trying to be kind to Lance, to treat him with a warped sense of respect.

…okay, that’s all for now! I really hope this helps and wasn’t too long-winded, like everything I do. you’ve effectively made my morning, anon, and I hope you have a wonderful day. my best wishes and luck to you while writing you story! 

[mittensmorgul]

(1/?) Hey if I remember correctly, you were the one upset about the characterization Jensen ad-libbed in American Nightmare (the less than graceful journey over the railing) because Dean's this super-badass who can scale walls and beat up highly trained guards so he should be able to climb over a simple rail. I am here to try and help you see at least why I thought the characterization was fine, so maybe you will hate that part less. Okay, example one, when I was taking Calc 3 last year....

(2/?) we had this giant exam with all these complicated theories and terminology and honestly, most of what I learned is completely gone from my mind. But I remember going through this problem that took up a good page and when I finally got it back, I had gotten a couple points off because I had the wrong final answer. It turned out I had did everything right except for the fact that when I was doing some basic multiplication (3*3) and instead of saying the answer was 9, I legit wrote down 6...

(3/?) Another time I was playing tennis. I had been the game for 3 years now and I was on the top of the varsity team, and we were playing a simple game with some beginners, and one the beginner hits me the slowest/softest ball every created, even someone who's never picked up a racket should be able to hit it, but I miscalculated something along the way and completely missed the ball and my partner legit could not stop laughing at me the whole goddamn time...(4/?) Similar accidents have happened to me, where I am super skilled/trained at something and something little or trivial trips me up every once in a while. So I'm thinking Dean was the same way. Mr. Badass didn't wanna squeeze between the railing and trees like Sam(it was a tight fit) so he was like "I fuck with the devil on the daily, I can climb a fucking rail," and he tried, miscalculated something so simple and failed because that's what a lot of people tend to do....

(5/5) Anyway, I hoped this helped you understand my POV, because I completely understand why you would think it's out of character but for me, at least, I thought it was very human. If you are not the person who had a problem with it and I sent this to the completely wrong person.... well that's embarrassing... I guess you can add that to the list of example on this list. Anyway.... have an amazing day :)

Hey there! I... think this may have been sent to the wrong person, because I’m in no way “upset” with Jensen’s ridiculous fence scramble. I mean, I did make that post the other night that was 100% intended to be humorous, about questions I’d like to ask Jensen, and this was the last item on the list. The whole point of that post was that there’s SO MANY FUN QUESTIONS we could be asking the actors at cons that would allow them to give answers that would give us new insight into their characters by asking about recent canon, rather than putting them on the spot with impossible theoretical situations that they have no good answers for.

So, since you went to all the bother to explain why YOU can understand his acting choices there, that sort of defeats the point of wanting to know what made JENSEN choose to scramble over the fence that way.

(I’m sorry, but I can tell you’re probably young from the sorts of school-related comparisons you gave here, and I’m not trying to be mean or dismissive here. It’s just that this completely misses the point of my original post there, if that’s what you were trying to reply to here.)

I only put that specific item on the list because Jensen and Jared have talked about that particular scene at past cons, before the scene aired (I believe). They seemed to find it an entertaining topic of conversation. Just like Jensen talking about accidentally setting himself on fire filming the burning bible scene in 12.08. But the fence scene in 12.04 may have started as Jensen just being a goofball on set, but that’s the shot they decided to use in the episode, and a Big Deal was made of it.

So why did Dean, who we have MULTIPLE scenes over the years of him leaping “like a gazelle on the moon,” to quote myself from that original post, suddenly lose all grace?

We’ve speculated over it plenty amongst ourselves, which is great. I have reams of meta on that scene. WE know that Dean was “off his game” early in that episode. It’s framed as beginning within DAYS of Mary leaving the bunker in 12.03. He’s also just learned some unsettling news about Cas and his hunt for Lucifer, that Cas is working with Crowley and Lucifer is wearing Vince Vincente-- aka a washed up 80′s glam rocker that Dean was appalled by...

Obviously he was struggling with a lot of internal personal crap in that episode, lampshaded by his interactions with Beth the social worker lady and his texts to Mary. WE KNOW HE WASN’T DOING WELL, AND IT WAS AFFECTING HIS JUDGMENT AND PERFORMANCE.

In that sense, Dean scrambling over the fence was, as you said, PERFECTLY IN CHARACTER!!! I have never denied this. I am not in the least upset with his reaction here. He was distracted, upset over personal matters that the case that they were working on only seemed to drag closer to the surface rather than let him try and push down and ignore. It was incredibly well done, initially painting the MotW as THE SOCIAL WORKER INTENT ON UNCOVERING THOSE SORTS OF DEEP FAMILY TROUBLES, but in the end the monster WAS THE TOXIC AND SELF-ISOLATED FAMILY ITSELF!

I mean, I CAN SEE EXACTLY WHY IT WAS AN EXCELLENT ACTING CHOICE!

I just want to know if JENSEN sees it that way. I want to hear HIS reasoning for it. I want to hear him talk about it from “Dean’s POV,” as it were.

I just think hearing HIS answer to questions like this, questions that HE CAN ANSWER, questions that HE MIGHT ENJOY ANSWERING, and questions that might be FUN FOR AUDIENCES TO HEAR JENSEN TALK ABOUT, might lead to more actual insight into the character of Dean Winchester without Jensen feeling personally attacked, put on the spot, backed into a corner, or otherwise be unable to answer for whatever reason.

Not to mention, I don’t think there’s any potential to spawn weeks’ worth of inter-fandom squabbling and hate over asking questions along these lines.

That was the point of my post. It was supposed to be funny, and hopefully to make people think a little more carefully about the questions they put to the actors at cons.

There are definitely better ways to get the sort of character insight and open discussion that we would LOVE to have from Jensen, by avoiding subjects that we KNOW we’re never going to get a good answer on. It’s all a matter of what we ask, and how we ask it. Frankly, hearing his answer to questions like this will give us FAR more insight into what Jensen REALLY thinks matters to Dean, you know? Because just like Dean, if you ask a super-direct, ultra-personal, borderline accusatory question, he’s gonna clam up. Ask about something slightly silly but ultimately very deeply personally telling, and we might get a half-joking monologue, but damn it would be 10000% more insightful into how Dean thinks and feels than asking that pointed GOTCHA question.

The key is subtlety. That was my point.

(oh, and the fact that nobody should ever ask another goddamned prank question, because who the fuck cares anymore?)