#such a big part of dismantling amatonormativity is decentering ALL love

[angst-and-fajitas]

I think loveless aros deserve a thousand dollars for every time someone claims that love is the meaning of everything or love makes us human etc etc

"by love we mean all forms of love, including nonromantic!!1!" You clearly Do Not understand. Return to start, do not pass go, do not collect 200 dollars.

There is no center of the universe, there is no unified meaning of everything, and there is no social or biological trait that "makes us human" besides the literal being humans thing, and any attempt to assert otherwise will other and alienate more people. There is no one emotion that you need to feel in order to be a good person or even a person at all

[clotpolesonly]

Merlin for the aro ask? Please

What arospec identities do they have? (Can be as specific or vague as desired)

greyromantic, edging toward quoiromantic

How proud of being arospec are they?

very! it takes him a while to figure it out, but once he does, he embraces it with open arms

Do they prioritize their arospec identity over any others?

Merlin also IDs as pan and as queer, and whichever takes precedence in the moment just depends on the moment.

Are they out? If so, how did they come out, and to whom?

Merlin was already out as pan by the time he realizes that he’s aro. he doesn’t really want to Come Out in the official sense all over again (the first time around was nerve-wracking enough) but this is another big aspect of himself that he feels deserves that kind of acknowledgement.

he puts it off for a long time before he finally sucks it up and has the conversation with his family and good friends, and then comes out en masse to everyone else via facebook meme.

How do they feel about romance? Romance-favorable? Romance-neutral? Romance-repulsed? Or does it fluctuate?

he fluctuates.

more often than not, he’s favorable. he makes a pretty decent adviser for love-stricken friends in need of an impartial ear and finds himself pining a little bit for the romance experience. he experiences the occasion spike in romantic attraction. it’ll hit him hard and fast and then fade almost as quick. he tries to hold onto the feeling for as long as possible when he can.

occasionally, though, his tolerance for all of it takes a nosedive and for a while, he just doesn’t want anything to do with it. sometimes that happens when he’s in a romantic relationship, which is particularly awkward, but he’s been lucky in having patience and understanding partners so far (for the most part).

Have they ever experienced arophobia? If so, how?

he’s definitely gotten shit for it before. being as open with his identity as he is has netted him some run ins with the kind of people who think aromanticism is a special snowflake fad made up to steal resources from the real queer people. they say he’s welcome to call himself queer because he’s pan, but the aro part doesn’t count and he should probably just keep that to himself.

Merlin really hates those people.

How do they show their arospec pride?

he’s got a closet full of t-shirts! green shirts and pride flag shirts and shirts with funny slogans and puns on them. he wears them all the time, plus the aro flag beanie that Gwen knitted for him because she’s the actual sweetest.

Do they actively try to combat amatonormativity in their daily lives or elsewhere? If so, how?

Merlin tries to call it out when he can. honestly, he wants to dismantle the whole system with his bare hands, but it’s so pervasive. it’s fucking everywhere and there’s only so much he can do before he burns out. sometimes he has to make the choice to step back and let things pass him by, no matter how much he’d like to fight every battle he comes across.

there are only so many times he can argue with that guy in the comments section who thinks adoption agencies should only accept married applicants, or that bird at the pub who insists he’s way too cute to stay single and what a waste, or that literature professor who claims that marriage is a symbol of ultimate fulfillment before he gets too worn down to do it anymore.

Was it easy for them to label themselves arospec, or was there a long period of questioning? How many labels did they have to try before landing on the one they use now?

it took a lot of introspection and a lot of indecision before Merlin finally settled on greyro. with his levels of attraction being so variable, it took ages for him to determine that there wasn’t any specific stable pattern to it and it probably wasn’t going to settle down into something simple and easy and recognizable like everybody else seemed to have. he considered just calling himself pan and leaving it at that, and sometimes he does just leave it at that (depending on who he’s talking to and how un-receptive he thinks they might be), but it just doesn’t feel right. he wasn’t complete until he found this part of himself.

Would they be interested in a QPR? Why or why not?

Merlin’s not quite sure when it happened, but he and Arthur fell into a qpr without even meaning to. it wasn’t until they’d been close for years and Merlin had been IDing as arospec for months that Merlin finally looked up and thought “....oh.” 

he almost didn’t bring it up -- Arthur was dating Gwen and had been for ages, they were a done deal, practically already married -- but he’s glad he eventually did. Arthur grinned at him, ruffled his hair, and said that of course Merlin was special to him. that Merlin is every bit as important to him as Gwen and always will be, and not to worry, Gwen is more than aware of that fact and loves him just as much.

Merlin couldn’t ask for better people in his life.

Final thoughts?

i feel like i’ve seen way more ace hcs for Merlin than i have aro ones and it saddens me just a tiny bit, not because i don’t love ace Merlin but because i want more aro Merlin in my life XD

send me a character for my arospec headcanon!