#sunghooon x reader

[jayparked]

when they say "stop doing that" - enhypen

pairing: enhypen x gender neutral reader genre: fluff au: established relationship warnings: swearing, enha boys are down bad (and kinda cringe), slightly suggestive for some(?)

a/n: ♡ pls like, comment, and reblog if you enjoyed!

requests open ♡ masterlist

all rights reserved jayparked 09/03/24 do not copy, repost, or translate

[miumura]

CALLS OF CONVENIENCE⌇P. SUNGHOON ✶

( 📞 ) NOW RINGING » Park Sunghoon, an office worker with an odd knack for finding problems, has been calling you for assistance non-stop to address various issues in his office. Naturally, since it’s your job, you always stop by, but you’ve noticed that his problems are often simple to fix and don’t really require any help. So, it’s hard not to suspect that he’s just making excuses to see you.

Whether it’s a computer “glitch” or a “misplaced” file, Sunghoon’s requests for you seem more like opportunities for a chat than genuine emergencies.

PAIRING ✶ office-worker!sunghoon x assistant-fem!reader GENRE ✶ fluff, co-workers 2 lovers FEATURING ✶ jay from enhypen WARNINGS ✶ reader questions / teases sunghoon quite a bit, super obvious hoon 🫡 WORD COUNT ✶ 2.4K+

PICK UP? » this was inspired by something i had seen on tiktok … bits of it never left my mind since … all credits to it because that fueled me to write !! and i thought it suited him so … no thoughts just office worker sunghoon 🫠

"Hello, it's me again," his voice crackled over the line as you pressed the phone to your ear. You let out a small sigh, recognizing this as the third time he'd called just this week.

"Why, hello, Park Sunghoon."

“Huh—oh! You know it’s me," he said, sounding surprised, though you could hear the smile in his voice.

"You've been the only one calling my work number lately, Sunghoon," you replied. "And considering how many times you've called, it's normal to recognize your voice by now, don't you think?"

"I guess so…" he chuckled nervously. "Well, do you have time to come to my office? I need help."

"Help with what?"

"My computer is acting up—I don’t think it’s working properly. Can you help me, please?"

"Sunghoon," you sighed, glancing at the mounting work on your desk. "This is the third time this week. Are you sure it's not something simple?"

"Yes! I really do need your help," he insisted, a hint of sheepishness in his tone.

"Fine," you relented. "I’ll be on my way."

"Really?" His voice went up a notch, brimming with excitement before he cleared his throat. "Thank you so much, Y/N!"

Shaking your head, you stood up and headed down the hall to his office. As you walked, you couldn't shake the thought that there was no way he could be this unlucky.

When you finally arrived at his office, you knocked on the door and heard Sunghoon's voice from the other side inviting you in. As you entered, you saw him sitting at his desk, pretending to look frustrated with his computer.

“What is it?”

“Well, what a way to say, ‘hello’. Good morning to you too, YN,” Sunghoon replied, a playful smile tugging at his lips.

“Considering how many times I see you in a day, I don’t have to say that all the time when I do.”

Closing the door behind you, you couldn't help but also comment, “You know, you really should call the IT department for tech problems.”

Sunghoon looked up, still smiling. “Why call them when you've been so great at solving my previous issues?”

"Issues, you say?” you replied, raising an eyebrow skeptically.

“Of course,” he said with feigned innocence. “I would never call you to my office if I wasn’t genuinely struggling.”

"Like how your computer screen froze? When all you could’ve done was just restart your computer?" you asked, giving him a pointed look.

“I didn’t want to mess up more things, so I had to call you,” Sunghoon replied, his face turning a shade of pink as he fumbled for an excuse. It was just so easy for a confident smile of his to dissolve into embarrassment, as if he didn’t set himself up in the first place.

“Okay then, how about the problem with your printer? When all you had to do was refill the ink?”

“I swear I had it refilled last week,” he protested, glancing away. “I wouldn’t have called if I knew that was really the cause of it.”

“And how about the time—the same day as your printer issue—you said you deleted a really important file?”

“Okay, that was a real problem!” Sunghoon said quickly, recalling the incident. “I really panicked when I couldn’t find it on my screen. And you were all I thought about—well, asking for help, that is! Don’t get it twisted!”

“I never said anything,” you teased, unable to hide your amusement. “And all you had to do was check your ‘Recently Deleted’ folder. There was also another copy of it in your downloads.”

“Okay, none of that matters anymore, it’s all in the past!” he brushed off, trying to direct your attention elsewhere. “What matters is that I wouldn’t have known if it weren’t for your great assistance.”

“You could’ve fixed it easily by yoursel—”

“Why don’t we turn our attention back to my computer, please?” he interrupted, eager to change the subject, his voice carrying a note of pleading.

You walked over to his desk, noticing how he seemed to tense slightly as you came closer. Ignoring that, you leaned over to check the computer, both of you staring at the black screen.

“Well, if you see this,” Sunghoon said, pressing the button multiple times to try to turn on his computer. “It doesn’t work.”

“Can you be more gentle?” you suggested, watching as he awkwardly backed away.

“Right, sorry,” he mumbled. “Can you fix this?”

“Sure, get out of your seat, please.” He quickly complied, moving to stand against the wall near his desk. You tried holding down the button, but the computer still wouldn’t turn on. Feeling a bit puzzled, you started looking around the desk. When nothing seemed amiss, you decided to check under the desk and soon noticed a cable...not plugged in.

Grabbing the wire, you held it out and looked at Sunghoon, who was nervously chuckling. “Oh…it was unplugged the whole time…”

You raised an eyebrow, struggling to keep a straight face. “Well, I suppose that explains it.” You plugged it back in, pressed the button once more, and the screen finally lit.

“Wow, who would’ve thought…” he said, rubbing the back of his neck, clearly burning up.

“Sunghoon,” you said, shaking your head with a teasing smile, “you know you could’ve checked this yourself.”

“Who would go ahead and unplug their own computer?” he mumbled, glancing away from your gaze. “I wouldn’t have done that on purpose or anything…”

“You’re really running out of excuses, aren’t you?”

“What…what do you mean?”

“You just want to see me more, don’t you?”

“I do not! I mean, as much as I do enjoy your company, I wouldn’t play tricks just to see you,” he said, rambling nervously. “You’ve just been a reliable person I can trust with these office issues.”

Not fully convinced, you said, “Well then, now that your ‘issue’ is fixed, I will take my leave.” You started to get up from his chair, about to walk away, when Sunghoon abruptly jolted.

“Wait!”

His sudden outburst startled you, and you watched as he frantically rummaged through his desk drawers, pulling out two overstuffed folders. “Can…can you help me sort these out? I mean, since you’re here, and you’re so good at handling things, it wouldn’t be out of the ordinary for you to help me with my work…right?”

He looked at you with hopeful eyes, his usual composure replaced with a hint of desperation. His attempt to maintain a professional demeanor faltered as he fiddled with the papers, clearly trying to cover up his real intentions. You could see through his act, but the genuine earnestness in his voice made it hard to resist.

“Fine, but only because I’m already here,” you said, with a small smile. As you took the folders from him, you couldn’t help but wonder if this was more about the company than the paperwork.

Sunghoon’s eyes lit up slightly as he grinned and quickly got a chair for you. As you both began organizing the chaotic stack of papers, a comforting silence settled in.

“You know, Sunghoon, I’ve always thought of you as an organized person,” you remarked, glancing at the disarray before you.

“Well, I am,” he chuckled, taking your comment as a compliment. “It’s just that I’ve been swamped with meetings lately, so I haven’t had a chance to sort everything out.”

“I don’t know if I believe that,” you hummed, flipping through the papers. “You still would’ve made sure everything was in the right place.”

“Oh…really?” Sunghoon’s voice held a hint of nervousness. “So, you’ve noticed, huh?”

“Am I not supposed to?” you asked with a playful smile. “Aren’t I the assistant you always call for to fix all your issues?”

“Okay, if you think I made this mess on purpose just to keep you around, you’ve got it all wrong!” Sunghoon quickly defended himself, though his flushed face betrayed his words. “And you know me, I wouldn’t torture myself with a mess just to see you.”

“Relax, I was just teasing. Why don’t you work a bit faster then, hm?”

“You don’t have to remind me about my work, YN,” he pouted slightly, eliciting a soft chuckle from you.

He couldn’t help but sneak a few glances at you every now and then, marveling at the way you carried yourself, the subtle expressions you made as you worked—all of it made it difficult for him to concentrate.

To him, you were the prettiest person he’d ever laid eyes on. His eyes would linger on your features—just looking at your focused expression alone was always enough for him to get lost in the moment, or rather, admiring you. And every single time—without a fail—each look would send a flutter of excitement through his chest.

Sunghoon would catch himself in a daze, realizing he’d been staring a little too long again. He'd quickly snap out of it, giving himself a mini pep talk in his mind.

Get it together, Sunghoon. Focus.

He shifted in his chair, trying to redirect his attention to the task at hand, but it was no use. Every time he glanced up, Sunghoon mentally kicked himself for being so easily flustered. It was ridiculous how just being near you turned him into a nervous wreck. His usual confidence seemed to vanish whenever you were around, replaced by a nervous energy that made it hard to concentrate on anything else.

He tried to distract himself by focusing on his work, but his mind kept wandering back to you—how you laughed, the way you rolled your eyes when he said something silly, and the way you seemed to understand him without needing to say much.

Sunghoon knew he was obvious, but he never failed to deny it. Despite the countless times he’d told himself to just say it, he was afraid he’d only continue to humiliate himself even more. Every time he opened his mouth, the words got tangled in his throat, and he’d end up making some excuse instead.

He couldn’t shake the feeling that you might already see through his intentions and were just waiting to reject him once he finally confessed. The thought made his heart race with fear, and it was enough to keep him from doing anything.

But he pushed his many thoughts aside, trying to focus on the task at hand. He shuffled through the papers on his desk, pretending to concentrate. His nervousness lingered in the air, a constant reminder of the tension he felt whenever you were near.

After another moment of silence, he broke it with a hesitant question. “So, YN, what’s your… go-to coffee order?”

“Hm?” you looked up, slightly puzzled.

“Just… curious! Yeah, that’s all,” he said quickly, his voice a bit too casual.

“I don’t see how my coffee order is relevant to your office problems or work,” you replied, raising an eyebrow.

“Well, yes, but I thought it might be nice to know,” Sunghoon stammered. “After all, if I’m going to be a bother, I might as well get you something you like. The least I could do is make up for, you know, troubling you.”

“And what if I don’t drink coffee?”

“Huh? I saw you drinking coffee with Jay the other day—”

“Watching me now, are we? That’s a bit unprofessional for a work setting, don’t you think?”

“No, wait! I wasn’t—I just happened to notice you while I was on my break,” Sunghoon rushed to explain. “And asking Jay would’ve been awkward. So—ugh, nevermind. Forget I said anything.”

“Are you sure?” you asked, noticing his flush deepening. He truly couldn’t hide it well.

“Yes, ignore me and continue helping me, please,” Sunghoon replied, the pink blush on his face becoming way more evident than before. Was he that painfully obvious with his tactics?

Either way, he wanted to get out of there—this was becoming too much for him, and his usual ways of calming down weren’t working. You couldn’t help but slip a small giggle at his discomfort.

“Well, I’m actually done now,” you said with a playful smile.

“Wait—already?!” His astonishment was clear as he glanced at his side of the desk compared to yours. His papers were still scattered in disarray, while yours were neatly organized and back in their folder.

“Yep. While you were busy being a nervous wreck with your, well, overwhelming thoughts, I managed to focus and finish up,” you explained, sliding the organized folder back to him.

“Oh, right,” he mumbled, still taken aback by how efficiently you handled the task. He should have anticipated it, considering your ability to get things done swiftly—one of the many reasons he admired you. “Thank you, YN.”

“Do you have anything else you need help with?” you asked, your tone friendly.

“Uh, no, thank you,” Sunghoon replied, his cheeks still burning. He was mortified by the series of blunders he’d made in such a short time, and the embarrassment made him wish he could just disappear. He couldn’t believe he’d made such a mess of things.

“Listen, YN,” he started, sounding unusually earnest, “I’m really sorry for all the trouble I’ve caused. I didn’t mean to overstep any boundaries with my questions or requests. And for all the office issues—silly as they might seem—I genuinely appreciate your help. So, um, you can leave now. Thank you again.”

“You don’t need to apologize, Sunghoon. I promise you’re fine,” you reassured him. His expression softened at your words, though he seemed still lost in thought about his mistakes earlier. “You haven’t done anything to make me uncomfortable, and if you had, I would’ve told you.”

As you stood up from the chair and walked toward the door, you glanced back at him. His gaze darted away from the door, though it was clear he was trying to sneak a look as you left.

“Caramel macchiato,” you said.

“Huh?”

“My coffee order,” you clarified. “That’s what you wanted, right?”

“Wait—” Sunghoon’s surprise was palpable. “Oh, oh—! Noted! I’ll make sure to remember!” he stammered.

“See you tomorrow, Sunghoon.” You flashed him a final, warm smile. Despite knowing he’d probably call you again, and he knew you knew, you still left him a bit flustered but smiling. He shyly nodded, silently whispering a thanks to you again.

As you closed the door behind you, you heard him mutter to himself, struggling to regain his composure. You could hear the muffled noises of his excitement and embarrassment as you walked away, and it made you chuckle.

You left his office with your heart lighter and your mind buzzing with the possibility that maybe these calls meant something more. Finally getting the answers to the questions you’d always had in mind, it became clear to you that Park Sunghoon was undeniably charming.

💬 : do we love the flustered!enha agenda or is that js me

ENHYPEN PERM TAGLIST (1) — @flwoie @ixomiyu @haruavrse @shinsou-rii @bearseulgs @ilovewonyo @yenqa @dimplewonie @bubblytaetae @wtfhyuck @ineedaherosavemeenow @ml8dy @starikizs @wonioml @chirokookie @xiaoderrrr @neozon3nha @en-chantedtomeetyou @millksea @enhaz1 @eundiarys @hyeosi @ja4hyvn @judeduartewannabe @j-wyoung @thia-aep @vampcharxter @softpia @officiallyjaehyuns @itsactuallylina @hsheart @sweetjaemss @ahnneyong @hanienie @jwnghyuns @kpoplover718 @jiawji @rikizm @haknom @yeokii @wvnkoi @whoschr @teddywonss @shinunoga-iie-wa @isoobie @skzenhalove @misokei @s00buwu @ox1-lovesick @miercerise @litttlestars @enhapocketz

[jaywonjuice]

📄🖇️ — reaction to you feeling insecure ~ p.sh

pairing bf!sunghoon x gn reader (feat. jay & a very drunk jake)

genre non idol au, angst (??), fluff, drabble

request: ✉️ “HIII can i request prompt 4 and 17 (w insecurity abt either their appearance/relationship/both..up to you!) with sunghoon pls??”; prompt #4 rough kisses; prompt #17 them reassuring you when you’re insecure.

warnings sfw intimacy, kissing, sexual innuendo, alcohol consumption

wc 713

it was saturday evening, and sunghoon was going out for drinks with jay and jake. as your boyfriend busied himself with getting ready, you watched from the bed, hugging a pillow tightly to your chest.

‘where are you going again?’ you asked him quietly.

‘oh, just the pub down on the corner as you turn left from the station, same as last time.’ sunghoon gave his reply as he ran his fingers through his dark hair, checking himself in the full length mirror. he straightened his jacket a little. ‘why d’you ask?’

‘those girls are going to be there again, aren’t they?’ you mumbled into your pillow, your mind wandering back to the last pub outing the boys had gone on the weekend prior.

jay and sunghoon had had to carry jake all the way back to yours after he’d had considerably too much to drink, and you had agreed to let him crash on the sofa. you’d been struggling to get what jake said that night out of your head all week.

‘you were definitely their favourite of the three of us ssunghoon,’ he’d grinned like a madman as his friends let him down onto the sofa. ‘ “oh sunghooon, hoonie darling, which one of us are you going to take home tonight?” ’ he crooned mockingly, slurring his words and making some rather inappropriate gestures with his hands.

‘he has a girlfriend, idiot,’ jay chided his drunken friend. ‘more than can be said for you.’ jake ignored him and said nothing, continuing to grin ear-to-ear sat slouched on the sofa, until he spotted you standing in the doorway, and leaned forwards to speak eagerly.

‘oh y/n! you know something, your man is very popular. it’s probably because he’s just “such a great kisser” apparently, you should keep an eye on him, becaus-’

jay shoved his friend down firmly by the shoulders, forcing him to lie down. ‘ok goodnight now jake, shut up til you’ve sobered up. you’re being a bad guest.’ jake giggled and mumbled incoherently into the sofa cushion.

sunghoon caught your eye as you left the room to see jay out. you hadn’t really been sure what the look in his eyes had meant. ‘i’m sorry’ ? if so, then sorry for what?

now, in the bedroom mirror, sunghoon caught your eye again, noticing you staring at him. he paused what he was doing momentarily. ‘yeah, maybe. maybe not. can’t say it makes much difference to me.’

‘did you kiss someone?’ you blurted out, much more abruptly than you’d meant to. ‘someone else, i mean.’

sunghoon stopped what he was doing completely and stared at you incredulously. ‘what? jesus no. you think i’d do that?’

you gave a small sigh. ‘no, i- i’m sorry.’ you bit your lip, fiddling with the edge of the pillowcase. ‘it’s just… i’m sorry but look at you hoon. you’re literally perfect. and i’m… gross.’ you kept your eyes glued on the pillow, not daring to meet his eyes.

sunghoon’s gaze softened, and he made his way over to you on the bed.

‘angel,’ he started gently, sitting down next to you. ‘you’re absolutely gorgeous. you’re perfect.’

you scoffed lightly. ‘not next to you.’

suddenly and without warning, sunghoon grabbed the pillow from you and tossed it aside, leaning right into you in its place. especially next to me, angel,’ he breathed.

you felt the hairs on the back of your neck raise at his closeness. his eyes flickered down to your lips and hovered there. ‘you always deserve to feel beautiful.’ with that his lips were crashing down onto yours. the force of the kiss knocked you back on the bed, so that now he was leaning down over you, the way he moved with you impassioned and urgent; verging on desperate. his hands found yours, and he interlaced your fingers.

when you pulled away finally, you were gasping in air. sunghoon lingered over you, his breaths ragged. ‘you’re unreal, love. i can’t believe i get to call you mine,’ he planted a kiss softly on the top of your head. ‘just promise me you’re not going to think like that from now on.’

your cheeks flushed and you nodded, giving him a small smile, and before you knew it his lips were on yours once more.

TAGLIST ೃ⁀➷ @thejakeslayla

©jaywonjuice | do not copy or re-upload my work on any platform

[cyberpunkgyu]

eep hello everyone!

i have work now so i haven’t been writing much. i do have a lot of drafts but i need inspiration to write 😭

ideas/drafts i have

knight heeseung x princess reader (inspired by dark moon) where both characters are in love with each other but are too scared to confess

best friend’s enemy x reader where sunghoon is your best friend, and heeseung is sunghoon’s enemy. you are in a elite friend group and heeseung is an outcast. sunghoon has feelings for you but you don’t so he doesn’t make a move because he doesn’t want to out your friendship in jeopardy. heeseung falls in love with you, and you also falls in love with him, and this angers sunghooon and story goes on :)

jay x reader where jay is a smoker and you hate smoking because someone in your life died because of it, and now you go to his smoking spot at school which is the rooftop and he stops smoking whenever you’re there and at first it annoys him bc you told him how dangerous smoking is but now he got use to it, and slowly both of you find your way in each other’s hearts

vampire sunghoon x villager reader (i haven’t started the story but this idea is inspired by beauty and the beast + dark moon)

let me know if any of these sounds interesting 🤧

feel free to give me ideas as well!

[yaehao]

for the first time

summary: in which sunghoon has to figure out how to properly express his feelings for you

genre: highschool!au ; fluff? ; angst? ; poetry? idk

feat: park sunghoon ; 박성훈

wc: 4185

warnings: some metaphorical violence? ; some kissing lol but nothing too suggestive

note: I LITERALLY WROTE THIS IN MY SPANISH CLASS LAST WEEK AND KINDA TRIED A NEW WRITING STYLE AND DIDN'T REALLY EDIT I'M SORRY IF THIS IS SO BAD OMFG ackkk also, i hope this somewhat makes up for not updating sonder in a while LMFAO also also i snuck some song titles from b:c in so try and find them :P anyways i hope it makes u hate and love hoon all at the same time, i'm gonna go pretend it doesn’t exist ever again <3

Park Sunghoon doesn’t like having feelings for other people.

Park Sunghoon would much rather spend his waking hours figure skating, shopping, or playing with his dog than thinking about another person.

And that’s why, when Park Sunghoon sees you for the first time, he resents you. He resents how his heart skips a beat when the afternoon breeze pushes your hair out of your face. He resents that when he makes eye contact with you, a plethora of new feelings fills his chest and makes him want to explode. He resents Jake Sim for introducing you to him. 

Park Sunghoon isn’t curious about other people.

He prefers to focus on himself.

So the first time Jake hears your name fall from Sunghoon’s lips in the form of a question, he’s beyond surprised. 

Sunghoon resents you for making him want to know more about you. 

When Jake starts inviting you to eat lunch with his friend group, Sunghoon can’t tell whether he should be grateful or slam Jake’s head into the table. Perhaps he should be grateful. He never talked much in the first place, and now that you were around, he had something else to stare at rather than his own hands. Or perhaps he should slam Jake’s head into the table. The more he admired your existence, the more he didn’t understand what he was supposed to do with the infatuation blooming in his heart.

⊱ ────────── ⊰

Park Sunghoon is not mean.

He can’t even kill a fly without Lee Heeseung having to do it for him.

So when he gives you the cold shoulder, refuses to acknowledge you whenever you’re around him, doesn’t laugh when you say something funny even though everyone else does, and walks away from you whenever you try to talk to him, you can’t understand why. No one understands why. Sure, he usually took a while to warm up to people, but he never rejected anyone new in the friend group.

Sunghoon took an instant liking to Jay Park. They started hanging out by themselves just the week after they first met. Sunghoon looks up to Lee Heeseung more than anyone. He wants to dance and sing as well as he does. Sunghoon has been friends with Jake his entire life. There is no one he trusts more than him. 

Sunghoon treats you like you’re an inconvenience.

You attempt to text him and ask him if he has a problem with you.

Park Sunghoon blocks your phone number.

⊱ ────────── ⊰

The first time you hang out with him outside of school is at a cafe.

Jake had to beg you to go with them, his incentive being that he would pay for your drink and buy you any pastry of your choice. The idea of a free tea and cheese roll was too enticing to pass up.

Sunghoon likes how you look today, but he won’t admit it. Or maybe he does in the way he lightly pushes Jake out of the way and quietly hands the cashier his debit card to pay for your order instead. Behind you, Jay and Heeseung whisper to each other. Jake knows exactly what Sunghoon is thinking. You don’t understand what his motive is.

Park Sunghoon is an enigma.

After he pays for your order, he goes right back to ignoring you. 

Jay cracks a joke and you throw your head back as you laugh, hand coming up to cover your face. Sunghoon doesn’t laugh. He's too busy processing the sound of yours. Remembering it. Turning it into his favorite song. He thinks you’re the most beautiful person he’s ever seen in his entire life. He stops himself from telling you this out loud. 

While you’re caught up in laughter, Jake watches Sunghoon’s face. Jake only ever sees this type of expression on Sunghoon’s face when he accompanies him to the ice rink. Jake sees a certain sparkle in Sunghoon’s eyes that he only ever sees when Sunghoon perfectly lands a triple axel.

Jake can tell that Sunghoon is falling in love. 

⊱ ────────── ⊰

Park Sunghoon doesn’t understand his feelings until he steps foot in the rink.

Understanding begins to sprout in his head when he lands a jump, and wishes you were there to have seen it happen. He wants to impress you. Understanding begins to blossom when he forgets his next move because you take priority in his mind over his routine. Sunghoon has never let anything get in the way of his art before. The occurrence is terrifying and exhilarating all at the same time. Sunghoon has never found himself skating for anyone else other than himself before. 

For the first time, Sunghoon imagines what it would be like if someone else was on the ice with him. He imagines his hands grazing your waist. He imagines what it would feel like for his palms to press into your back if he were to lift you. He imagines you in front of him, moving in sync with him as he glides across the rink. 

His coach doesn't think she's ever seen him move so passionately.

Understanding is in full bloom.

Sunghoon never leaves the rink until he’s finished his routine perfectly. Full rotations on every jump. Spins as fast as he can physically muster. Just how he likes it. 

He leaves the rink that night earlier than usual. 

⊱ ────────── ⊰

Silence is only as deadly as one wants it to be.

You think Sunghoon wants you dead.

When you go to Jake's house for the first time, you are the second to arrive after Sunghoon.

Jake announces that he'll be back in five minutes. When he leaves the room, the atmosphere becomes a weight.

Speaking feels illegal. The only way to test the limit of the law is to break it.

"How long are you going to treat me like this?"

Sunghoon makes eye contact with you for the second time ever. Sharp eyes. Closed mouth. Hands gripping his phone tighter.

"I don't know what you're talking about." 

⊱ ────────── ⊰

When Jake wants to go ice skating, you don't refuse. Neither does Sunghoon. 

You are the only one unaware of Sunghoon's talent.

As you lace up your skates, Sunghoon is already stepping out onto the ice. This is the only place that feels more like home to him than home. 

Jake stands next to you, leaning over the edge of the rink. He watches your face as you watch Sunghoon. Your eyes fixate on him, watching. Admiring. Astonished. The rink becomes blurs of bright lights and colors around him. His allure is disrespectful to the beauty of the ice. He draws attention to him and only him.

Ice flares up when he runs the sides of his blades into the ice. He places his clammy hand on the edge of the rink. Head thrown back. Mouth agape. Heavy breathing. Sticky hair against his forehead. 

Gracefulness exists in the form of Park Sunghoon. 

You think he’s most beautiful when he’s in his element. He thinks you’re most beautiful when you exist.

He knows you’re watching him. This is what he wanted. He looks over to you and Jake.

You make eye contact for the third time.

Sunghoon smiles at you for the first time.

The first time Sunghoon touches you is when he takes your hand to help you onto the ice. You dig your toe pick into the ground as you push yourself forward. Sunghoon lets you hold onto his forearm, even if his heart is threatening to rip itself out of his chest. He doesn’t mind how slow you two move. He decides he enjoys skating with you more than setting a new personal best score.

You mumble about how it’s unfair how talented he is. Shades of pink bloom on his cheeks. He mumbles that it’s unfair how attractive you are. You fall on the ice for the first time that night.

Sunghoon laughs. He hasn’t laughed this hard in such a long time. The good kind of painful laughter. He knows in the future, he’ll think about this moment randomly and smile.

You spend the next ten seconds engraving his laughter into your memory instead of picking yourself up. You think that this moment is rare. 

Although, you wish for it not to be.

⊱ ────────── ⊰

Handling feelings is a difficult task.

Sunghoon realizes this at midnight when he and his ceiling come face to face. He has never once found silence to be uncomfortable, and yet he wishes that your voice was around to fill his bedroom. 

He unblocks your number.

Park Sunghoon calls you for the first time.

You don't understand why you didn't ignore his call. You convince yourself that you picked up the phone in case he needed something important. At midnight.

Sunghoon isn’t curious about other people.

Jake told you so.

And yet, Sunghoon asks you what your favorite flower is. Your favorite color. Your taste in music. Your favorite songs. Your favorite movies. Your favorite candle scent. Your go-to meal at restaurants. Your birthday. What your family is like. 

Sunghoon asks you if you believe in love at first sight.

“I don’t know… Do you?” Your voice is laced with caution. There’s a long silence after your words, anticipation growing thicker in the air. Your ceiling feels like it could collapse at any given moment. You can’t see Sunghoon on the other end of the phone when he runs his fingers through his hair. You can’t see the rise and fall of his chest when he takes a deep breath and searches his scattered brain for the right answer.

“Ever since recently, yes.” You can’t see when Sunghoon closes his eyes and sinks his teeth into the plush of his bottom lip. You wish you could take your own answer back. Tell him that you do believe. Sunghoon can’t see you when you pull your blanket over your head. 

“What made you start believing?” 

You know the answer. He knows the answer as well. Your words are an open invitation to profess.

Silence is only as deadly as one wants it to be, and you conclude that Sunghoon wants to kill you tonight.

Sleep takes you in her arms before she takes Sunghoon. He calls out your name, his answer is an empty bedroom. 

He doesn’t hang up the phone.

⊱ ────────── ⊰

The contrast between the gentleness by which he calls out your name and the harshness by which he disregards you is agonizing.

You’re not unintelligent. You’re fast to understand concepts, fast to convert thoughts to words. Quick-witted.

But Sunghoon has no algorithm to him. Now, he won’t even look at you.

Jake asks if you’ve been in a fight with him recently. Questions. Prodding. When you look at Sunghoon, he’s staring at his hands again. Fingers dancing with each other. You wonder if you should tell Jake about the phone call. You decide against it.

“No. Isn’t he usually like this?”

Jake doesn’t want you to think Sunghoon despises you. You know he doesn’t. Jake knows he doesn’t. Jay and Heeseung know he doesn't.

Sunghoon is the only one still trying to convince himself that he does.

⊱ ────────── ⊰

When Jake invites you to his house for the second time, you’re the second to arrive after Sunghoon. He doesn’t bother to look up from his phone to greet you. 

“I’ll be back, I’m gonna let Jay and Heeseung in.” Jake stands up to leave the room. He gives you a remorseful glance before he exits.

Heavy air. Deadly silence. Law-breaking.

“Do you have a problem with me or what?” The words leave your lips before you have the opportunity to contemplate them. Sunghoon’s lips are tight. The grip on his phone is tighter. He stares at you with apologetic eyes. His gaze contrasts his agreement.

“Yeah. I do.”

Jay and Heeseung’s presence lifts the room. You’re grateful. 

When the movie plays, neither you nor Sunghoon are focused on it. Sitting on the floor. He scoots closer to you. Caution shooting through his fingertips. He places his hand over yours. His knee bumps into yours. Your mouth parts, then closes again. No protest. You close the gap. Your head falls on his shoulder.

He holds onto your hand like if he lets go, he’ll lose you.

⊱ ────────── ⊰

Today, you wonder if Sunghoon is just a character you’ve made up in your mind. Someone to fulfill the romantic fantasies from your daydreams. He never felt real in the first place. His existence is inconsistent. Perhaps you have him mixed up with someone else.

Today, Sunghoon walks past you like you don’t exist.

Jake watches you intently. Sharp features. Lost eyes. Pursed lips. He cannot tell if you’re angrier about Sunghoon ignoring you, or the seeming casualness of it all. He treats you like he doesn’t spend movie nights at Jake’s house holding on to you like his life depends on it. Or like he’s capable of falling asleep without knowing you’re on the other end of his phone. 

You figure it’ll be harder to fall out of love than to fall in love. Still, it’ll be of less difficulty than trying to play Sunghoon’s game.

When you get home that day, Sunghoon attempts to call you. Your fingers hover over the green button. Pick up. Pick up. Pick up. The phone rings out until the silence of your room deafens it.

This is the first time you block Sunghoon’s phone number.

⊱ ────────── ⊰

Sunghoon looks for you with desperation. 

While he isn’t supposed to be curious about other people, he asks Jake where you are.

“Eating lunch with some other friends, I think.” Jake states plainly. He’s a terrible liar, but he knows you’re tired of Sunghoon. You want to stop inconveniencing him. Sunghoon doesn’t understand how to handle his feelings. You’re tired of waiting for him to figure out how, though he wishes you were patient enough for him to learn.

Distance holds your relationship at gunpoint. The pads of her fingers rest on the trigger. You command her to pull it.

She’s never been one to listen well.

Sunghoon hates looking like a lost puppy. Racing across campus. Scanning eyes. Searching. Soft drizzles of raindrops hit the concrete. Rain is more susceptible to hitting you when you’re moving through it rather than standing still.

When Sunghoon finds you, he’s drenched. He finds you eating lunch alone. An unwelcoming bench. Umbrella propped. Away from everyone else. He forces himself to walk up to you. To take your hands and pull you onto your feet. 

Sunghoon hugs you for the first time.

It’s not ideal. His body is cold when it presses against yours. But when his arms wrap around your waist, you can’t help but feel safe. 

You shouldn’t. It doesn’t feel right.

Sunghoon lets apologies fall from his lips. Begs for you to come back. His voice is starting to get irritating.

You tilt your head up to press your lips against his. He smiles against your mouth. Hands resting on your waist. Playing with the hem of your shirt. Slipping under. Feeling the bareness of your back. Fingers tangled in his hair. Dancing on the nape of his neck. Cupping his jaw. A pitter-patter of rain. You concur that his problem is that he can’t spend a day without you.

You and Sunghoon’s first kiss isn’t ideal. In fact, it shouldn’t have even happened. 

But it does.

You want it to happen again.

⊱ ────────── ⊰

Jake knows you well enough to know when you’re hiding something from him.

When you talk about Sunghoon like he’s a hindrance instead of working on physics homework, his suspicions grow. Jake has always been an observant kid. He thinks you talk about Sunghoon just a bit too much. He doesn’t wish to upset you. He just doesn’t think you know what you’re talking about.

“What happened between you?”

“Nothing.”

Jake knows you well enough to know when you’re lying straight to his face.

“You’re falling for him, aren’t you?”

Your intelligence is comparable to Jake’s. You study and ace tests together. However, he's always been just one step ahead. And in this moment, nothing occupies your mind except for the remembrance of the feeling of Sunghoon’s lips pressed against your own, cold rain against your back, wet hair entangled between your fingers. He tasted like vanilla.

A shiver runs down your spine.

“I don’t want to.”

⊱ ────────── ⊰

Nothing is allowed to take priority in Sunghoon’s life over skating.

He refuses to talk to anyone days before he has to compete. Days are spent on schoolwork. Nights are spent on the ice. Preparing. Working. Elegance earns its definition under the blades of Sunghoon's skates. 

Sunghoon has listened to You Are The Reason so often that although Heeseung is the one with perfect pitch, he swears he can name the notes of every piano chord composed.

When Sunghoon takes breaks, he lays in the middle of the rink, legs straight, arms spread. He wishes he could hear your voice again. He watches the entrance of the rink, hoping that you’ll walk in with Jake. 

You never appear.

For the first time, Sunghoon finds difficulty in recentering his focus. He is still imagining your waist under his hands, whether it be as he molds his lips against yours or guides you along the ice.

He thinks if he falls one more time, the ice might leave a bruise on his knees.

⊱ ────────── ⊰

Jake drags you to the arena fiercely. He doesn’t tell you why. Running up stairs. Choosing a few seats.

It isn’t until you see Sunghoon stepping onto the ice that you understand why you’re there. To watch. You know what Jake wants. For admiration to sneak her hands around your throat. To encase you. Trap you in. 

Sunghoon looks like he’s searching for something. Realization doesn’t hit until he locks eyes with you. Turning his head away quickly. A tingly feeling in his stomach. He’ll just have to apologize later for disappearing again.

He takes home another silver medal.

⊱ ────────── ⊰

Three soft knocks on your front door.

Sunghoon decides he can’t find his focus anywhere except in your arms.

Doors swing open, your mouth is on his before you can barely process what’s happening. Feet moving instinctively. Carrying you to your room. Swollen lips and clashing teeth. His fingertips find their home in the small of your back. Pulling you closer. He’s feverishly warm.

“Stop leaving me.” It leaves your lips as a whisper. His chest rumbles with a groan of approval. Whether or not he keeps his word is the only thought on your mind. 

-

His head is on your lap. Watching a movie that neither of you are really watching. He traces shapes into your thighs. Fingers playing with his hair. Timid air, an atmosphere begging to be shattered.

“What are we... doing?” Your question is genuine. Park Sunghoon is a puzzle you’re getting tired of trying to solve. He has no strategy. No algorithm. No handbook or instructions. 

Sunghoon responds by pulling your head down to him. A soft, longing kiss. You wonder who, between the both of you, will go insane first. 

This is the first time Sunghoon falls asleep in a bed that isn’t his own.

⊱ ────────── ⊰

“We’re going to be late for school.” You remark, attempting to peel yourself from the sheets.

He pulls you down. Arms wrapped around your waist. A tender kiss pressed to your shoulder. He has you drunk on his touch. Too dazed to think straight.

“Let’s just stay here for a bit.” Just a moment longer. Sunghoon doesn’t want to let go. As soon as he leaves, he doesn’t know the next time he’ll be back. He pulls you in tighter. He believes that losing this moment might really just kill him. He wants to imprint himself into your skin. Sunghoon wants to be remembered.

It’s never like you to skip class without a good reason. Diligence is paired with your name often. ‘A bit’ turns into too long. Regret doesn’t even breathe in your head. You’ll just have to make up an excuse to Jake later.

You cook breakfast for the first time in too long. A whiff of coffee floods your nose. His voice fills every hallway, every room, everywhere it's never been  before. Home hasn't felt this much like home for a while now. 

When he leaves, he also leaves his ghost. Blurry memories forever linger in your room. The indent in your mattress. His scent on your sheets. Visions of his figure sitting on the edge of your bed.

You want him back as soon as he’s gone.

⊱ ────────── ⊰

You know what it’s like to miss someone. Even if you don’t want to. Especially if you don’t want to.

You curse yourself for doing so. For not wanting to go back to sleeping without your back pressed against his chest. You wonder if you have this much of an impact on him as he has on you.

You don’t even think you’re supposed to feel this way about him.

It’s wrong how inconsistent he is. Irritating and confusing.

But when he exists, he does so beautifully. He’s captivating. You would trade anything if it just meant one more minute with him.

⊱ ────────── ⊰

Jake Sim is criminally observant.

Even in a bustling cafe, he can tell Sunghoon is playing with his fingers more than usual. His drink is getting cold. He avoids Jake’s eyes. Small sounds come from Heeseung’s phone. Jay adjusts the chain dangling from his neck. 

Sunghoon smells waiting in the air. They want him to speak. To say it. To hear the words come from him. Jay crosses his arms. Heeseung places his phone face down on the table. Sunghoon looks up. Jake raises an eyebrow at him.

“I think I’m in love.”

Sunghoon takes a sip from his drink right after. Jake smiles. Jay rolls his eyes and pulls his phone out of his pocket. Heeseung nods silently. Jake runs his fingers through his hair. He assumes it’s his turn to respond.

“We know.”

⊱ ────────── ⊰

Sunghoon understands what nervousness is.

 The last time you were at this cafe, Sunghoon undeniably fell in love with you, although he could spend hours denying it. Or at least trying to. He knows better now. Having feelings for you isn’t wrong. Admiration isn’t wrong. Making room in his life for someone other than himself isn’t wrong. It isn’t weak. It isn’t deadly.

Falling in love with you isn’t wrong.

He searches with timid eyes. Darting back and forth from his phone to the door of the cafe.

When you walk in, Sunghoon swears his heart stops for a moment.

You see him and your stomach twists. Jake said you were meeting him today. Lies. You want to turn to leave. Step out and immediately call Jake and ask him what he was thinking. Locked eyes. Sunghoon motions for you to sit down across from him. Compliance.

There’s a drink waiting for you on the table, the same one you ordered last time. The same one he paid for. Twice now. You try to convince yourself that the label on your cup is more interesting than Sunghoon’s face.

His hand travels to his nape. He has trouble finding your eyes. Gaze cast to the side.

Waiting. This time, you don’t want to be the first to speak.

Sunghoon breaks the silence for the first time.

“You’ve unraveled me in ways I could’ve never imagined.”

He doesn’t play with his fingers anymore. He reaches out and takes your hand in his. Staring. Silently asking you to look at him. Eyes following his.

A smirk growing on your lips. Playful, cocky eyes. “Are you thanking me?” 

“Would it be wrong to thank you for teaching me what falling in love is like?”

Suddenly, the air is so much thicker. His gaze is worrisome. Had he said too much? It didn’t matter. There was no going back now.

“I love you.” Words you never thought you’d hear fall from his lips. 

A smirk turns into a smile. A smile he swears is designed just for him. One filled with comfort. Safety. Security. 

“Stay with me.” You almost plead. Your hand squeezes his.

“Always.”

⊱ ────────── ⊰

Park Sunghoon still doesn’t understand feelings sometimes.

He would still rather figure skate, go shopping, and play with his dog rather than think about another person. He still dislikes being curious about other people.

But still, he finds himself searching for you everywhere. During lunch on campus. When Jake wants to hang out. In the audience at his competitions. 

When he makes eye contact with you before he steps out onto the rink, he finds himself falling in love with the butterflies in his stomach. When he skates, he searches for your body under his fingertips between the piano chords of his compositions. 

Park Sunghoon is a gold medalist that night.