#sunnyroscoe | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

red-flagging · 1 month

Note

⭐ would love to hear any director commentary on consider the hairpin turn and/or that one post quali sewis tumblr flashfic you did this year!!

(director's commentary ask meme)

some consider the hairpin turn for you! commentary on seb's first time blowing lewis under the cut:

Vettel’s legs have barely stopped shaking before he’s shoving himself up onto his knees, almost tripping over the console as he crawls over to Lewis. “Fuck,” he breathes. “Your turn,” and then before Lewis can react, is unbuttoning Lewis’s pants and dragging them down past his hips. Lewis jerks his eyes away, but not before he sees the wet stain on his own stomach, the way his own legs are shaking; how he’s so hard that it’s poking out of the waistband of his boxers, flushed dark and heavy. one trick that i like to use for getting into a character’s headspace is to give myself somewhat arbitrary restrictions about certain words that they can’t use in their dialogue/internal narration. for this fic specifically i decided early on that i didn’t want lewis to use any explicit sexual language (cock, come, etc.) - so in the earlier scene where he’s blowing seb he never actually references any of seb’s genitals, and the closest that he gets here is describing himself as hard (which imo was like. toeing the line but i truly could not think of a different way to talk around it). i really like it as a technique because not being able to use certain words not only forces me to talk around the idea (and in doing so almost draw more attention to its purposeful absence than it would if i just wrote the word), but also pushes me to hone in on the details of what lewis’s body is actually experiencing in the moment, instead of being able to just use “he’s hard” as a shorthand for him being turned on.

Vettel’s hands are on his legs, pulling his pants down to his knees, spreading them open. There’s a hot puff of air over his skin. Lewis’s breath catches in his throat. Wait, he wants to say, to grab Vettel by the shoulders and say wait, this wasn’t supposed to happen tonight. to be clear - lewis's plan for the night was to go out and purposefully have a really bad sexual experience with a stranger, in order to essentially try to condition himself out of wanting to have sex with men. the main reason this prompt hooked me was because i remember reading it and being like “2005 lewis would NOT say that (be secure enough in this own sexuality to have sex with a mostly-random man in his car),” which then immediately made me ask – well, what would it take to make him say that? and i am quite proud of the little subversion of the usual “young lewis being too closeted to even look at a man let alone think about him sexually” storyline (although to be clear i LOVE AND CHERISH all deeply homophobic lewis stories so much lol. and have written many myself! it was just fun to challenge myself to do a different take that is antithetical to how i typically view early lewis characterization) His hands feel numb; he can’t remember how to move them–

Heat floods through him. Feeling rushes back into his body like blood, so fast it almost hurts. He barely clamps down on the sob before it slips past his teeth. Vettel’s elbow is digging into his thigh. He makes a frustrated noise, leaning harder against it as he pulls himself further forward towards Lewis, and the terrible hunger roars back, snapping at his heels and tugging him down into the pit in his stomach. lots of switching back and forth between active and passive voice in lewis’s internal narration throughout the fic to try and capture the way he’s fighting to detach from what’s happening in his body / getting pulled back into himself despite his best efforts. there’s a lot more active voice here than there was, for instance, when he was blowing seb and could make himself dissociate from what he was doing - he’s starting to lose control. The panic catches in his throat, fuzzing out his brain. He’s going to–with Vettel's mouth on him, he can’t stop it–

Lewis digs his nails into his palms, as hard as he can, until the knife-edge of pain cuts through the fog in his head. Forces himself to breathe through his nose, fast and harsh. No. He isn't. He forces his breathing to slow down. He isn’t. He’s kept it at bay for so many years already. (he has not.) He can do it tonight. (he cannot.)

Vettel’s mouth makes a wet sound. Lewis twitches, his hands jerking convulsively. He forces his attention away and up, tipping his head back and searching the inside of the car. The lining on the roof. The leather of the headrest next to his face. Five, six, seven, eight stitches in the seam. The windscreen is fogged up. He presses his fingertips against it, the cold sending a shock down his spine all the way to the soles of his feet. please imagine the titanic car sex scene but if rose was having a massive dissociative panic attack the entire time. Nineteen stitches, twenty. In the distance, a car honks. Thirty-two, thirty-three. random observations about the setting around a character my beloved. maybe my favorite narration trick of all time to get across that a character is distracted and/or trying to distract themself but also in this case, for a fic whose mood is very much driven by the setting it takes place in, a nice way to sneak in extra exposition about some tactile and sensory details that would be unreadable in large paragraph form.

“Are you even paying attention?” Vettel suddenly snaps, as he pulls off with a wet sound. [affectionately] attention-thirsty BRAT.

Lewis jerks. “What?” he croaks, clearing his throat. “I–obviously–”

“So then why aren’t you doing anything,” Vettel snaps back. “You aren’t even looking–” for the most part, this version of lewis is not particularly concerned about seb’s internal life (much like this version of seb isn’t concerned with lewis’s whole deal - they’ve never really interacted as people outside of racing at this point, remember), but i also didn’t just want seb to come off as a blank wall that only exists in-story for lewis to bounce his repression off of. imo, it’s important that seb is also working through his own stuff - not just because that makes him more interesting as a character, but also because it puts him and lewis on more even footing - for all of seb’s bravado and (imo genuine) greater comfort with his sexuality, he by no means has all his shit figured out, and the fact that he’s so in his head about wanting to be good at sex, wanting to be taken seriously and not seen as a child, wanting to be genuinely desired, etc. that he ALSO pulled the “find a stranger who will face-fuck me, a barely-legal adult, in a bathroom at a random bar” move, just like lewis, points to them not being all that different, even if at face value seb seems far less bothered by lewis about all of this.

“That's your problem, not mine,” Lewis answers. He forces his hands open, wincing at how stiff his fingers are. His breaths feel damp, like he’s just run ten kilometres or cried for an hour. The skin all over his body feels so tight that he thinks he might burst. lewis’s plan b for the night truly was like 1) suck seb off and don’t enjoy it (failed step 1) 2) don’t let seb suck your dick just get out of the car and go (failed step 2) 3) okay if he really wants to he can but you’re going to have the most self control of any person in the world and not come and eventually he’s going to get bored and give up and you will have achieved your goal of having mediocre gay sex and proving to yourself it's not all it's cracked up to be and can go home in peace (about to fail step 3)

He needs to get out of the car. He needs to get Vettel’s mouth off of him. He can feel the two of them flying around the corners, wheel to wheel, trying to force each other wide; pushing the braking point further and further, edging closer to disaster every lap. Lift off, he hisses to himself desperately. broadly one of the things i wanted to explore in this fic is lewis’s relationship to his own drive and hunger, and the parallels between his own desire to win, which propelled him to that GP3 title, and his sexual desires. a lot of this fic is about him trying to pretend that those two things are separate when in reality (and he knows this on some level) the thing that he hates and wants to rip out of himself is the same thing that will push him to greatness and let him achieve all that he has achieved (and will achieve)! and trying to nourish that desire in one part of his life and stamp it out in another does not work.

Vettel’s mouth is still hanging open, panting. His pupils are so wide that they’ve almost swallowed up the blue. In the low light, Lewis can barely see the shine of spit on his lip. He looks ravenous. Lewis’s mouth waters. [f+tm voice] WE ALL! HAVE! A HUNGER-

but actually. once again. even if they don’t know it yet - they are more similar than they are different. in the way they’re hungry for the things they want – wholeheartedly, ravenously, undeniably, and beyond reason – maybe more so than anything else.

He forces himself to drag his eyes back up to meet Vettel’s, digging his nails back into his palms. Quietly, he hears himself say: “Give me something worth looking at, then, if you’re so upset.”

Something shifts in Vettel’s expression, and all of a sudden it hits Lewis, too fast and too late, how monumentally stupid that was to say; to think, even for a second, that there's any universe where Vettel would ever brake first. a little bit of projection on lewis’s end, imo, because this is also definitely true about him. in the same way that neither of them would ever brake early to play it safe and let the other overtake them through a corner - even if lewis knows it’s a bad idea, there was never any way that he was going to let seb win gay chicken tonight. and so there was no other way that this could have ended.

The heat crashes into Lewis, full-force. Before he can say anything, do anything about it, Vettel pushes his legs back open and swallows Lewis back down.

#my fic #asks #sunnyroscoe #thank u friend!! this was so fun #car sex fic #still taking these! you can either give me a full fic and i'll choose a section or you can give me a specific scene - down for either :)

8 notes · View notes