#superjail slash

[adultswim2021]

Superjail! #1 “Bunny Love” | May 13, 2007 - 11:30PM | S00E01

MAN did I love this show. MAN, did I love this pilot. MAN, do I NOT want to have to write up six pilots in a row. Fuck me. First episodes always take forever, because I have to describe the reason the series exists in the first place. This can eat up time.

The show was created by Christy Karacas, Stephen Warbrick, and Ben Gruber. They all met working on various MTV animation shows. Karacas got his student film “Space War” on Cartoon Sushi. He and Warbrick made Bar Fight in 2001. Boy, that one’s hard to find in decent quality. I actually bought a DVD called “Avoid Eye Contact” (Volume 2) just to get a nice copy of it. Uh, sorry I don’t have it handy. I think I sold the DVD, too. Sucks! Anyway, Bar Fight is very much a prototype for Superjail. Nearly every episode of Superjail (including this one) basically turns into Bar Fight by the end of the episode. 

Superjail is a gritty but hyper-cartoony body-horror slapstick comedy about a place called Superjail, run by a William Wonka style Warden voiced by David Wain in the role a lifetime. He is magical, and can do basically anything with cartoon magic (everyone else is a little more down to earth). His staff includes Guard Alice, who is very clearly a former man (jokes that maybe haven’t aged so well if you’re one of them “BEING NICE” people). She’s exceptionally sadistic, and doesn’t take shit from anyone, even the Warden. In one scene we see her force a starving prisoner to put on a gown and perform a dance set to a disco beat for his meal (which she doesn’t even give him) 

Jarred is the accountant, a little guy with a nerdso voice. It’s hinted that he has an alcohol problem. He’s a very typical bureaucrat through and through. He’s extremely anxious and fragile, the exact type of person who shouldn’t be anywhere near an environment like this. In one scene we see him crunch the numbers to accommodate the Warden’s plan (more on this later okay) and slash all extra-curriculars, like the vegetable garden. We are treated to a very funny scene of all the garden crops, all cartoonishly alive and able to talk, panicking briefly before being harshly mowed by JailBot. 

Jailbot is the Warden’s robotic servant. His main role is going out into the “real world” to apprehend a criminal at the moment they succumb to recidivism. Each episode starts out with Jailbot apprehending the same character: Jackknife. He’s a very typical greaser-inspired low-life who speaks in grunts and is prone to brutal violence. In this episode he is released from prison and immediately beats a rich guy presumably to death to steal his cool rich guy car. Jackknife discovers a small child, a little crying girl, in the backseat. He feels slight remorse, so he crashes the car into a bar, walks out with a presumably stolen beer, and walks into the pet store next door to get her a pink bunny rabbit (noticing her I HEART BUNNIES shirt she’s wearing). As he attempts to smuggle it out in his pants, Jailbot busts in and fucks the entire place up, completely destroying the store and many of the animals in it, all to apprehend the car/beer/bunny thief. 

Jailbot handcuffs Jackknife and then lifts off with his go-go Gadget helicopter blades, with Jackknife dangling beneath him by the wrists. Jailbot looks back and notices the little girl, crying. Jailbot cries a single digital tear, and then produces a cone of vanilla softserve for her. He’s already some distance away from her, so he torpedoes it into her face. I can remember a bump that aired where they showed off the character designs from this then-upcoming pilot. In some early conception of the show, she was intended to be Jackknife’s daughter, because they are shown together, both flipping off the camera (if I remember correctly). 

Jailbot drags Jackknife to Superjail through various alternate planes of existence. The creators of the show didn’t want to simply portray Superjail as having definitive coordinates, or on the moon or something. It’s almost like Jailbot is taking Jackkinfe through a passageway through the more fantastical. This opening sequence changes every single episode, featuring different worlds or climates. It always ends with clouds forming the face of the Warden, who opens his mouth and swallows our little guys. There’s a flash of white, as though we’re now magically transported to one wacky world, where magical and violent things can happen. Superjail’s entryway is through the side of a giant volcano, and the end credits imply that the entire facility is inside said volcano (despite seeing blue sky and other climates in various scenes).

The thing that’s great about Superjail is not just that it’s visually stunning, it actually uses it’s visuals constantly. For example, when Jackknife is deposited into Superjail it’s through a series of pods, roller coasters, giant hairdryers, etc. He is deposited into a room where he’s instructed to take a pill. The Warden appears to him writing the back of a Pegasus in some fantasy climate. He explains simply that he’s now in Superjail, and to say hello to his new roommate. Suddenly a fist hits Jackknife in the face, and the dream cloud shrinks behind him. He’s now in his cell.

The scene I mentioned earlier where Jarred cuts the vegetable garden and we see all the little vegetable guys panic, we move toward that scene by showing one of Jarred’s plants shapeshift into a satellite dish, beaming plant-signals to the garden as if Jarred’s potted plant’s station in life is to report plant goings-on to other plants. He’s a mole, or a spy or something. We see these beams go through the walls until they finally reach the garden. When they get mowed, we pan back inside Superjail, entering a window looking out into the garden before going onto the next scene. The show fluidly transitions from one thing to the next. It’s a joy to watch. 

We also meet various prisoners. There’s Gary and Bird. Gary is a stoic, secretive type; the kind where it’s a coin toss as to weather or not they are government agents or serial killers. Bird, an actual yellow bird, is high on the foodchain in the hierarchy of the prison yard. Gary has a human roommate who is a fat slob whose mouth always gets him maimed or killed. This isn’t apparent from the pilot, but all of these guys recur throughout the series, getting murdered in one episode and coming back for the next like so much Kenny McCormick. 

There’s also the Twins, who don’t seem to be prisoners. They are also magical like the Warden, though their magic is more grounded in science fiction alien technology or something like that. They seem otherworldly, and their reason for being there is unexplained. They seem to have free reign over the prison. According to the creators, their roles originated from an early version of the script where they were the most skilled criminals to ever exist. They were the only ones who could escape Superjail, so the Warden formed some sort of uneasy alliance with them. All that got tossed out, but they just liked these characters so had them be there for some mysterious reason. I do believe they get some backstory later in the series. 

Another term used by the creators was “overload”; they wanted every scene to go above and beyond with the animation, packing each frame with as much movement and weirdness as possible. Mad, back when it was a comic book and not yet a Magazine, would do a similar thing where each panel would be packed with as many background jokes as the artist could stomach drawing. Will Elder called it “chicken fat” It’s no surprise that when Christy Karacas was asked to name some influences for the show, Mad was one of them. I got a list from this interview, and it’s a veritable whos-who of stuff you should google if you don’t know about them. I actually made an alphabetical list of them, for some reason: 

Beavis and Butt-Head

Bob Clampett

child art

Chuck Jones

Dr. Seuss

Earthworm Jim

Fleischer Studios

Gary Panter

Hanna-Barbera

Itchy & Scratchy

John Kricfalusi (yikes!)

Looney Tunes 

Mad

Mike Diana

Monty Python

The Muppets

outsider art

Pee-wee's Playhouse

Ralph Bakshi

Ripley's Believe It or Not!

Robert Crumb

Sally Cruikshank

Schoolhouse Rock!

Sesame Street

Tex Avery

Tom Ruegger

Vince Collins

Walt Disney

Yellow Submarine

The plot of the show! I’ve barely mentioned it. Inspired by the pink bunny that Jackknife was trying to steal (Jailbot has the rabbit’s corpse and produces it to the Warden, who mangles it further and then places it on his head like a hat while hatching this plot I mentioned earlier), the Warden decides to order new uniforms for the prisoners: pink bunny costumes. The Twins intercept this order and change it, so that 50% of the inmates get bunny costumes, and the other half get wolf costumes. This causes a naturally-occurring divide, where the inmates start going nuts, killing each other.

When there’s a full moon, a full-scale, destructive brawl breaks out that goes to many weird places. The Cafeteria staff (all stereotypical lunch ladies) get in the mix, mistaking the bunnies and wolves for their unslain meat order. They begin slicing and dicing inmates. Eventually they accidentally cause a big lump of meat to electrify and come to life. This guy also kills a few inmates, eats a couple of lunch ladies (who are all worshiping it like a god), and then crash through the walls of Superjail like the Hulk or the Kool-Aid man, or The Rabbot. Jackknife is seen running out of this hole. This is another repeated bit; Jackknife begins every episode being brutally apprehended by Jailbot, and typically is seen escaping by the end of the episode. 

The reason I love Superjail is mostly the animation, though the writing isn’t bad either. The writing is solid, and the few dialogue jokes made here are typically low-brow or bluntly funny. There’s nothing try-hard or pretentious about the show almost at all. The characters and the action are all sweetly cartoony. Even though grotesque and brutal things happen, they are done with a playful innocence. You can tell that the people who made this all love art, and so fondly remember the time they first saw an edgy, gross, or iconoclastic thing that energized them so much that they dedicated their life one day getting a chance to make something like that, and want a new generation to feel that same feeling. “This is cool, and weird, and wrong, and I love it”

This playful feeling might take the sting out of certain other problematic elements the show might have, like Alice’s gender stuff, or the possibly offensive portrayal of the prison gay couple, or maybe some other things people have trouble overlooking. You get the sense that even though these people are cartoonish caricatures that the creators of the show still like these guys. We’re all just laughing’ and having a good time, my dude! CHILL OUT!

Did I talk about the theme song? No? For this pilot, it’s “Rubber Bullets” by 10CC. I love it’s use here, and I remember being disappointed by the change when the show went to series. I grew to love that other theme song, which is by the band Cheeseburger, which Christy Karacas happens to be in. I like them! They’re fun! You should check them out! 

Uh, what else. Oh, Jackson Publick from the Venture Bros does a voice on here. That’s cool. Dave Willis is the one that pitched that the Warden should wear the bunny corpse like a hat. That’s nice. Okay, I guess that’s it. Wow, this was long.

A Night of 1000 Pilots (May 13, 2007)

Superjail was part of Adult Swim’s “A Night of 1000 Pilots!” a special evening when Adult Swim showed five pilots for proposed series. I don’t quite remember all of the details, but I do remember that the shows were available for viewing online before they aired on television. Viewers voted for their favorite, and they were shown in order of who got the most votes. Superjail was the winner, and indeed was the one that performed the best once aired. It had four freaking seasons! The perfect amount! I guess you can go look up where the other pilots ranked, but I’m going to pretend like I’m gatekeeping that information and rolling it out on my blog, exclusively. Sorry haters! But I know stuff!

[the-once-ler-in-superjail]

((Wow so it’s been 9 months since I posted my last chapter. So many things have changed and I’ve done so much, yet I’m still here trying to make Once-ler comics even if it’s just an inch a week :) These latest chapters have also been a bit of a slug, but soon the drama will start to pick up and things will get a lot more interesting for Oncie and Warden. Anyway, here’s the next one!)

Warden: *Walking through Superjail with Jared, irritated and watching him like a tired lizard. He's annoyed at being dragged away from his boyfriend, obviously, but since he IS in the middle of a work day he's a little more amicable about that than he might otherwise be.* This has better be worth it, Jared.

*Elsewhere, as the Outer Worlds start to push in on Superjail's own pocket dimension, fissures are cracking across the ground and fire, weird yetis and scrawny little demons with pitchforks are spreading out from the gaps. There is chaos, but it's nothing they haven't seen a million times before so the Warden isn't making any sort of haste.*

Jared: *Skitters behind him, holding a clipboard with a list of all areas of Superjail that have started to implode in on themselves due to this disturbance. He flicks through the sheets of paper.* A- actually Sir, you're the only one who can fix it! Superjail is just disintegrating in places! We tried getting Jailbot to pull it back together, but it's happening too frequently for him to keep up. *A hole suddenly opens up in front of him and he jumps as a geyser explodes. He jumps back.* AAGH! Y- You see what I mean?!

Warden: *He sighs and flourishes his hand towards the geyser and it stitches itself back together again. He has the air of someone who can't imagine why nobody else can do something so simple.* Fine, fine. *He mutters to himself.* I have to do everything around here.

Jared: *Breathes a sigh of relief and wipes his sweaty forehead with the back of his arm. He still steps around the patch where the geyser came from just in case he falls through anyway.* Thanks. *He goes through the list of places to resolve, still more flustered and sweaty than usual, because he can't get the gross image of The Warden and The Once-ler, fawning over each other in the bed after he'd just walked in on it, out of his head. He clears his throat and hopes to evaporate the discomfort hanging around them after that event, which he knows only he is feeling.* Soooo... Uuuh... You and the Once-ler, huh?... When did that happen?

Warden: *He has zero concern about being walked in on - Jared's opinion means jack shit to him, and he's done far worse in front of the man without batting an eyelid. As they continue across the grounds of Superjail, he steps around small cracks in the earth before they appear, and steps over little running critters without even looking at them. All these minor issue stitch up and go back to normal as he walks past.* Hm?  *He looks down at him, waving a hand idly because he's talking to Jared and only ever half pays attention to him.* Oh, it's been a couple of months now. Honestly, Jared, you ought to take a better interest in the lives of your coworkers! *But then,suddenly, in one smooth movement he picks up Jared's head, spins him around, then drops him back down again without worrying about whether he lands comfortably. He lights up and starts to gesture far more rapidly.* Isn't he wonderful? And such an asset to the team! It's so good to have another competent, capable guy around here to help pick up the slack! And such a handsome one! With assets!

Jared: *Stops in his tracks.* Months?! H-how?! *Clears his throat before continuing, to make sure he hasn't triggered a snap out of his boss. The Warden? Firstly, lasting in whatever he might call a 'relationship' for a few months? And secondly, doing so without screaming it from the roof tops? Has the world gotten madder than it already is? As he walks behind him, he rolls his eyes to the mention of showing an interest in the personal lives of coworkers. Mumbling.* Actually, Sir, as self-appointed HR director, it's inappropriate to- AAGH! *Before he can finish, he's suddenly spun around and freaks out a bit until he's dropped, it's a good thing too, else the Warden might have picked up on that statement and turned it on him for asking questions.* Yeah, he's certainly... *Lets out a hoarse grumpy groan.* He has a nice suit I guess... *He tries not to cringe at the way the Warden says the Once-ler has 'assets', unsure of whether that's an innuendo or not, because he's certain that a man as wealthy as the Once-ler has an extortionate amount in financial assets, but he's also certain of how racy the Warden is. Mutters to himself.* Gross. *Clears his throat.* So, does that mean you're uuh-... *Winces* You know?... I guess I never- never pegged you f- *He goes nauseously pink and chokes on his words, both because he hates the phrasing and because he changes his mind. He thinks about Alice, and all hundreds of vibrating devices he's accidentally discovered around Superjail.* Well, maybe it makes sense actually. *Clears his throat.* So, a few months, huh? Why'd I not hear you say anything about it before?

Warden: *He seems totally ignorant to everything Jared is going through. Of course, he's a mysterious man with a private life - great work-life balance, and an enigma to his employees. He hears the word 'peg', but he wouldn't have reacted if Jared had swiftly moved on. But since he stammers to a stop, he smirks broadly, mischievously, and lifts an eyebrow.*

Warden: *But then he's distracted and he leaps straight into the next question. His cane appears in his hand and he gestures wildly with his arm, offended.* Because I'm a professional, Jared! I don't just go telling you everything about my personal life! Besides... *He clasps his hands under his throat, his cane left floating in the air. His eyes turn into big, beating hearts.* He's too good to share with anyone else! I didn't want anyone else butting their noses in.

Jared: *Raises an eyebrow when the Warden says that he's too professional to reveal anything about his 'relationship', or whatever it is. He doubts he'd be saying that about Alice or the Hunter... To think someone as smartly dressed as The Once-ler has lower standards than Alice and the Hunter...* Riiiight... *He squints. Thinking back to when he asked the Once-ler if he was trying to take over Superjail, he thinks he likes the guy, especially after he fought for him to have a vacation, but he still isn't sure if he trusts him. What if he'd just managed to make the Warden smitten over him and he's secretly pulling his strings? Does he believe the Once-ler when he says that he plans to stay here and help? Does he believe him when he says that he loves his boss? Maybe it seemed a little sweet at first but really, someone as intelligent as the Once-ler with someone as awful as the Warden? What exactly is there to love? He know he's not crazy for doubting it, someone has to, they don't want another Stingray incident again.* I hate to... *Clears his throat.* Cast judgement or anything but... You don't think he's, I dunno... Are you sure he's in this for the long run? You don't think he has ulterior motives?

Warden: *He blinks, his stride not faltering as they approach the screaming on the horizon - they're approaching the chaos that's threatening to burst through from the ground. He is completely unbothered by that, but he looks to Jared with wide, aghast but still benign eyes. Jared knows when his anger is real and when it's just the hot air escaping.* What?! Of course he is! *He throws his hands in the air, those heart eyes shattering to reveal his normal eyes beneath.* That's what he said! Why would you- How would- These aspersions! You're just jealous!

Warden: *He doesn't like this. He doesn't think Oncie would ever leave, or have ulterior motives except... well, the Warden himself is very leave-able and the Once-ler does have a lot of ulterior motives. He's a smart man.*

Warden: *He looks sidelong at Jared, now that little bit more dangerous.* Has he said anything to you?

Jared: *Still hides behind his clipboard and jumps back slightly even if he knows the Warden isn't truly angry at him. He doesn't have chance to get anymore words in until the Warden directs that more dangerous question at him. His voice screeches, afraid of him.* NO! Well- Ah- N- Nothing other than what you yelled at us earlier for. He- when we were talking that time, he said that he wanted to stay here. *He taps his chin.* He didn't say much, just that he's not up to anything and that the rest isn't my concern because I 'wouldnt get it'. *Makes quotations with his fingers.* And then summed it up by saying something like 'He likes me enough to give me my freedom, I like him enough to stay regardless.' *He skitters after him with his hand raised holding a pencil, to get his attention.* B- but! You never know what someone's really up to!

Warden: *Takes a deep breath of relief, filling his lungs with an inflated chest.* Aah, that's a relief! Why the Hell would you go and say a thing like that, Jared? Trying to get in between two lovers like that? THIS is why I never told you! *That's not true - the reason he never told Jared is due to a multitude of reasons; at the beginning, Oncie's firm boundaries stopped him from going too psycho with the celebrations, he was so excited that he didn't want to say anything in case Oncie then left and he had to shamefully admit that he was gone, and he just didn't want to let anyone else into his new, shiny, wonderful world. Besides, there have been so many dramas that he hasn't even had the chance to have a staff meeting about it.*

Warden: Trust me. *He folds his arms and looks snooty, then steps up to the edge of the massacre currently going on. Huge cracks in the earth belch flames, strange ghoulies fly around eating inmates and penguins waddle back and forth sliding into the kneecaps of the prisoners and tripping them up. He rolls his eyes and claps his hands, making the first of the fissures sheepishly close up. He twirls a finger in an annoyed gesture at a few of the ghouls and they wrap things up, grabbing some prisoners and diving back into the flaming chasms before they close.* I know what I'm doing. Not even the extremely handsome, extremely intelligent Once-ler could pull the wool over my eyes.

Jared: *Groans when he's dismissed for his concerns, and rolls his eyes when the Warden says the Once-ler couldn't pull the wool over his eyes. A lot of people have been able to, even if it didn't last forever, maybe they were just missing the right amount of cunning. Does he know what he's doing? Does he ever when someone a little more interesting than the standard staff comes along? Because he went pretty crazy when he found out the Once-ler left that one time. If he knew what he was doing then maybe he wouldn't be bottoming. He winces with something between a cringe and a smirk, both amusing and grossing himself out. Eugh... He sees the Warden neatening up the area and fixing the destruction.* Oh, good one sir! *Pointing another chasm out.* There's another one! *Not that he needs being shown, the happenings of this jail is inscribed into the inside of the Wardens brain.*

Jared: *He huffs.* Maybe he isn't up to anything but... I dunno, he's just been weirdly useful, what with the vacation and stuff, *Now he's just musing to himself out loud, because if Jared can prove a conspiracy as to why the Once-ler is surpassing his own status in Superjail, then it means he doesn't have to admit that he falls short.* He said something about secrets, that getting your birth name was on his 'to-do' list, and then like magic all of a sudden he has it! It's like he can get away with anything! *Sounds more exasperated than angry, although he is a little jealous also. He folds his arms, clutching his clip board in his hand, and audibly grumbles to himself.* I wouldn't be surprised if he only did it to get a secret lead on the betting. Actin' so coy at the mention of it like he didn't know what I was talking about. Yeaaah, suuuuuurree, like you've never seen a dollar bill before, Mister Once-ler.

Warden: Of course he seems 'weirdly useful' to you, Jared, *he says, tiredly, as he tidies up the chaos, getting bored of conducting it all and so just folding his arms and facing Jared as things continue getting better behind him. The flourishes help direct the will of his subconscious, but they're unnecessary.* When you're functionally useless, everything above the bare minimum is 'weirdly useful'. *He looks like he's chewing on a wasp, tapping his foot rapidly as Jared muses out loud. He hates hearing Oncie disparaged, but since Jared hasn't out-and-out insulted him yet, he hasn't got anything to get really mad over. He flaps a hand, eyes shutting and brows furrowing in annoyance. * Who cares what he's said about secrets - don't you have anything better to do than gossi-! Wait. *Suddenly his soft voice becomes venomous.* What was that?

Warden: *He didn't know there was a betting pool. He knows gambling happens, he's mentioned Jared's gambling before, but... that's kind of a step too far. They can't make betting pools about him. If they have a secret betting pool about him, especially about something as sensitive and personal as his real name, that means they don't respect him. They didn't even ask him if he'd wanted to join in... And Oncie knew about it?*

Jared: *Pouts, looking grumpy and also tired when the Warden calls him 'functionally useless'. He is not 'functionally useless'! He does his jobs damn well, even if some people seem to think the New Guy can do it better. He looks like he's chewing a wasp too, and together they walk like two very irritably, pissed off middle-aged men.* Uh-!

Jared: *That venomous tone makes him hide behind his clipboard again, moustache peeking out either side.* Tha- What-? *Starts to sweat. Shit, why did he mention that?* Oh-! *Laughs awkwardly.* Oh, that was nothing! And don't worry! Nobody knows what it is b- because it all got taken down before anyone could find out...I don't even know how it happened! One moment it was there, the next moment it was gone, but... *Glances down, sounding disappointed and groans.* Yeah... Nobody made any money that day. *It was a great idea though, he hopes they find more stuff to bet on the Warden with. Maybe they should bet on how long his relationship with the Once-ler will last... he'll be generous and say at most another month.*

Warden: Wha- Bu- *He looks heartbroken and confused, not in the truly vulnerable, gentle way that Oncie might see, but in a childish, bewildered sort of way. The pain is the same, but he doesn't have quite the same aura of reality around him. He's not a hurt friend, but a buffoon of a king realising that his downtrodden subjects don't like him very much.* Who in the Hell authorised that?! *As he yells, throwing his hands in the air, the penguins disperse and a few more of the larger fissues stitch back together again. But at the same time, an angry hawk swoops down and takes one of the prisoners away right as he reaches the crest of his gesture.* And why the Hell am I the last to know?? *His fists swing back down, going into one of his usual childish tantrums with pacing and flailing fists.* This is my jail! I will not have betting pools about me happening behind my back! Wh- *Then he sounds a little more whiny, not addressing Jared but some vague sense of fate.* Why didn't Oncie tell me??

Jared: *Can tell this tone isn't as dangerous as the previous one so doesn't bother bringing the clipboard up a third time. He brushes off the comments about the gambling pools because there's no way he ripping down all the great Warden bets they got going if he can help it. He pauses, raises an eyebrow and winces. 'Oncie'? That's the first time he's heard that. He snorts. Weird.* I dunno, Sir. *He shrugs.* Maybe he didn't think you'd be able to handle it.

Warden: *He doesn't even notice that he called the Once-ler 'Oncie'. He barely registers Jared as a human (or, he doesn't really see him as one at all) so he doesn't have any sort of filter for little things like that. Not when he's emotional.* What?! *He sounds horrified, rounding on Jared again with wide eyes. He registered that snort but hasn't reacted... only absorbed it as a reason to be angrier.*

Warden: *He snarls and claws his hands as the background chaos continues to stitch itself back to normal again. Can't handle it?! I can handle it! *Then his eyes wobble with emotion - nothing serious, because only Oncie has ever seen these things get serious. But it's still a warning sign.* Did - did he say something? What did he say?

Jared: *Pauses, feeling himself sweat again, now realising how upset the Warden is. He hadn't realised how far he'd gone before it was too late, he should start trying to calm him down, not that it'll likely make a difference. Don't tell him, he can't handle it.* O- oh! Nothing! Just that everything is great! *He points behind himself towards the opposide corridor and takes a step back.* A- anyway, I got some accounts to do-

Warden: *His eyes light with fire, literally erupting a small plume of fire, then fading back down again.* Jared! *He grabs him and picks him up, not with any sort of true, violent threat, but like he's picking up a stuffed animal to yell at it.* What the Hell did he say to you?! Don't you hold out on me, man!! *He might not be so upset, but Jared has managed to perfectly time things to make him feel uncertain and insecure.*

Jared: *Screams at the fire and then squirms a bit on his hold. The heat makes him sweat even more and his eyes are wild with panic. His legs kick like he's trying to get down.* I can't remember! Something about how you freaked out when he left without telling you, you couldn't handle it! *He goes limp and gives up, his voice even more hoarse.* I'm just saying, maybe that's why he didn't tell you... I mean... He's like, what, half your age? But, like you said, he's a 'competent, capable guy', you can't deny you're more like a ... big kid.

Warden: *He goes rigid, his hands clamping but also easier to wriggle out of now that they're solid. His stomach drops straight through the floor as Jared just tells him everything he's been worrying about.* Wh- B- *He suddenly stamps his foot. Everything stitches itself together all at once, the moment he decides he no longer cares about pretending to fix it.* I am not! It's called having an imagination, Jared!

Warden: *He can feel himself freaking out, and on the surface it looks like his usual overemotional, toddler-tantrum self. However, there's some real panic inside of him as he wonders... if Oncie did say that, does that mean it's all going wrong? How long has he thought these things? He had no idea.* We're both grown men, and I won't listen to you standing here slandering either of us! *He folds his arms and turns away, bristling with anger. Then his lower lip quivers. Fuck this. Fuck Jared. Fuck the cell-block.*

Warden: *Sounding deeply hurt and upset, his last word is spoken quietly, wth a childish sort of venom.* Whatever. *He waves his hand and vanishes in a flicker of flame. This leaves Jared in the middle of the prison, to find his own way back.*

Jared: *Doesn't have time to respond to anything the Warden says, and doesn't even know what he'd say to make it better. Shit, he hopes he hasn't fucked too much up He sweats. Nah, it's fine, the Warden gets himself worked up into tantrums like this all the time, but as he swallows and horror hits his stomach, he sure as hell hopes that him and the Once-ler aren't going to get into some couples argument and break up. That'd be awful, Superjail would explode, and it'd all be his fault! Immediately he tries to back-peddle.* Sir! I'm sure he didn't mean- AH! *He's suddenly interrupted with fire, realises he's stuck in the middle of a half-collapsing cell-block, and decides he needs to get the fuck out of it fast before prisoners start running free.*

Warden: *Slumped over the bar, nursing a pint of ale and looking quite glum. He’s feeling very beside himself at the moment. He’s drinking his sorrows away as he agonizes over the thought that Oncie might not respect him. And that he think he’s old and unattractive and all sorts of other things. Then he gets mad at himself for being so oversensitive (just like his father used to say). It’s a vicious circle, and now that Jared’s on vacation (for some reason he immediately booked the time off and skedaddled) he doesn’t even have an underling to force to listen to his problems. It’s just him and one of the Doctor’s weird chained, mutant inmates manning the bar. He’s been slightly avoiding Oncie, but nothing too noticeable.*

Once-ler: *He makes his way down to the bar, doing much better after his hangover and feeling quite pleased with himself as he tries to find his boyfriend. Maybe the Warden’s ego is rubbing off on him, because he builds an even stronger will the more he stays with him- not that the Once-ler’s own ego needs biggering at all. He smiles when he sees the Warden in the bar, and doesn’t notice he’s upset at first, he just assumes he’s a little tipsy, so he goes over to him and grins* Good evening, gorgeous~

Warden: *When he’s been drinking he’s more at the mercy of his powers, and when he hears Oncie talk he jumps with a yelp, fumbles for his glass- which spills everywhere- and immediately magics himself down to about six inches high. He lands in the spilled alcohol and tipsily stands up- now on the bar- before gingerly lifting the end of one of his coattails.* Maaaan….

Once-ler: *Gasps and steps back a little, bringing his hands over his mouth.* Urrh *He hasn’t seen this before and he giggles at him.* Heeey, what happened to you?~ *Leans over and smiles at him, then pulls him out of the alcohol by grabbing the back of his suit, placing him gently back down on a dry area of the bar.*

Warden: *He staggers a little when he’s put down again, drinking having affected his balance, but soon rights himself. He looks completely deflated and sad, and at the question he shuffles around and squats down on the bar, facing away from him. He’s hugging his knees.* Oh… nothing… *Doesn’t know whether he wants attention for his current problem or not. Would Oncie respect the strong, silent type or a guy who can talk about his feelings? He doesn’t know, and he’s too dizzy to sort it out.*

Once-ler: *Instantly detects that something is very very wrong and his face saddens. He feels his stomach drop as he gets that horrible feeling of seeing someone you care about looking depressed.* H- heey… *He crouches down, holds onto the edge of the bar and peers closer at him.* Wardy, what’s wrong? What happened?

Warden: *Drawing sad little circles with his finger on the bar, and runs it through a spare drop of beer that’s fallen on the surface. He sadly laps at his finger and shuffles around a little so that Oncie can’t see his face.* Just feeling… I dunno… *Flops sidewards onto the bar with a dull thunk sound. He’s like a drunk butterfly. His voice is pouting, but this time it’s not because he’s feeling a shallow, childish emotion. More that he’s trying to hide how truly disturbed he is by faking shallowness.* I’m attractive.

Once-ler: *His voice is a little shakey* Huh? Of course you are. What are you talking about. Why are you acting like this? *Pokes him a few times with his finger, starting to feel a little desperate. He’s never seen the Warden like this. Its awful. What in the world happened between him leaving his bedroom earlier and getting to the bar this evening?* What’s happened?

Warden: *Rolls over so that he’s lying along the bar, and his tiny hands hold on to Oncie’s finger for support to stop the room from spinning.* I’m acting like this because I’m drunk *His voice is slurred* And because yoouuuu don’t r- *Hiccups and covers his mouth apologetically* respect me. *Rolls back over again, letting go of Oncie’s finger to half talk to himself* And why should you? I’m such a deadweight…

Once-ler: *He bites onto his fingers and squeaks in panic* What? Of course I do! *pinches the Wardens suit and drags him away from the bar, then drops him on his own hand.* Wh- why wouldn’t I?! *looks back at him, his big shiny eyes looking worried.*

Warden: *Wobbles a little in Oncie’s hold, but sits in his palm and looks up at him. His weight is warm and light, his hands just able to be felt resting against the other man’s skin. He’s a bit damp from landing in that puddle earlier.* I don’t know… *He seems dazed, gazing up at Oncie but not really seeing him properly. He’s a bit too drunk, and Oncie’s very big.* You tell me… And I’m not old! *Raises up his finger floppily* I’m just… aging. *Looks honestly scared for a moment, shocked by his own mortality, and half-heartedly attempts to struggle up. He doesn’t know what he’d do once he does stand, but it seemed right to move.*

Once-ler: No- no! Of course not. You’re not even aging, c'mon. *Chuckles a little awkwardly and brings his hand closer to his face, his eyes looking very big.*

Warden: *Wobbles on his feet, flailing a little like a little bird flapping its wings* Ex-exactly! I’m the pinnacle of youth! Still practically a kid! I’m not- *hiccups again. he looks very miserable and even a little frightened. Being drunk is bringing all sorts of feelings to the surface* I’m not old! *Falls a little and grabs onto Oncie’s thumb, supporting himself by grasping it.*

Once-ler: *Looks at him sadly and strokes the Wardens back with his finger.*

Warden: *Looks up at him with the biggest puppy-dog face imaginable, feeling small and old and ugly and pathetic. Maybe drinking was a bad idea, because he wouldn’t be quite so melodramatic if he were sober. He feels incredibly delicate against Oncie’s finger, bony and yielding.*

Once-ler: *His face drops, his stomach has completely plummeted and he really cant stand to look at that agonised face anymore. So he turns his face from him and looks at the ground in bitter shame. He feels completely sick to have upset he person he loves so much.* I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean it. *Shakes his head dramatically and tightens his hand around the Warden very slightly.*

Warden: *Squeaks slightly when he feels that hand twitch, woozily looking around and clinging more to his thumb. He doesn’t consciously think Oncie’s going to squish him, but it’s an automatic response and he feels very vulnerable like this.* Why… why’re you sorry? *Still slurring, clumsily stroking his thumb with a floppy, tiny hand.* You’re fiiiine. Just fine. *Flops against his thumb, slightly dislodging his glasses and squishing he cheek. He looks a little like a hamster like that, with his gapped teeth adding to the effect.*

Once-ler: Because I made you upset by saying mean things. *Dares to look at his face and then strokes his back with his thumb again, treating him like a little mouse.* C'mon, be happy, this is so unlike you. Why would it get to you anyway? *He doesn’t really know how to handle this. Usually he’s very good at fixing things, especially by just talking and especially when he’s making the Warden feel better.  But this time he had no warning and, now that he’s more human, the warden is having more complex emotions than just an ego punch.*

Warden: Because I have crow’s feet and-and sometimes my joints hurt when I get out of bed and every year the inmates seem to look younger and younger and *slurring and rambling and looking like he’s completely losing it, slowly sliding down Oncies thumb to sprawl out along his palm* you’re thin and have smooth skin while everything I have is starting to wear out and loosen up! *Whimpers pathetically, looking down and to the side, rather than up at Oncie* I don’t want to be old… I’m not supposed to be!

Once-ler: *Is completely panicking now, he doesn’t know what to do or what to say. He usually does! but this is so different coming from the Warden, and it’s happens to suddenly and seemingly out of nowhere, that he’s being no help at all.* No! Don’t say that, you’re gorgeous! You’re not old and you don’t look it. *Can’t think of anything smart or good to say so all he can do it humour him.*

Warden: *Looks up at him with a tormented look. If he were sober, shallow compliments would be all he needed but drunk it all falls on deaf ears. His lower lip wobbles and then he disappears in a cloud of purple smoke. His weight suddenly disappears from Oncie’s hand and it’s apparent that he has teleported away.*

Once-ler: *Gasps in horror and squeaks as he bites onto his fingers.* OH NO! Nngh! *Starts smacking his head with his hands in punishment of being an idiot* Oh god, oh man! Aaarrgh. *He dashes out of Superbar, to check all the places he thinks he may have disappeared to.*

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Warden: *He’s full sized again and mostly sobered up now, having gone to bed early. He’s still just buzzed enough to be introspective though, and to avoid the inevitable cringing at how stupid he acted. His mind is in throes of panic that he’s losing his handsomeness and that his aging is going to be inevitable and only get worse from here on out. He’s cuddled up under the sheets in his usual dressing gown and old-fashioned pajamas, the top of the blanket pulled tight around him as he curls up away from the door. His eyes are open, but looking down and half-closed. Sleepy but too miserable to actually sleep.*

Once-ler: *He comes into the room and silently closes the door, but it’s obvious he’s just entered. He takes a look at the lump in the covers that is the Warden and doesn’t say anything, he just takes his tie off and sits on the end of the bed as he thinks whether he’s allowing himself to get into it or not.*

Warden: *Looks up slightly, slowly, and sees him there. He’s not mad at him at all, but he feels too ugly to be seen by Oncie. He draws the covers up a little more to hide his face, but doesn’t dismiss him.* … Hey buddy. You, ah, you okay? *His voice has the usual emotive lilt, but it still seems flat.*

Once-ler: *Sighs sadly and then pulls the covers up to get into bed with him.* Mh-hm. *He feels too ashamed of himself to really say much to the Warden, but after a while of lying there he rolls over to him and slots himself flush against the Wardens body. He fits perfectly behind him. His arms slide under the Wardens arms and wrap around his stomach and his face pushes into the back of the Wardens neck.*

Warden: *Tightens up in surprise, having assumed that Oncie wouldn’t want to touch him. He has a habit of winding himself up beyond all reason. After a moment he relaxes and tilts his head slightly to look over his shoulder. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with his body- it’s all in his head. He’s a little unexercised with perhaps a little extra cuddle around his middle, but other than that he’s a lithe, skinny slip of a human being with a good bone structure and perfectly attractive features. Any signs of aging only make him look sweet and slightly, misleadingly, harmless.* You want something? *Assumes he’s there because he needs a favour or something- certainly not to snuggle. Who’d want to snuggle with an old crone like him?*

Once-ler: *Nods into his neck and kisses it.* I want you. *His grip around him becomes much tighter and he rubs his cheek against the Wardens neck then nuzzles it with his face. He sighs onto him, his exhale warm on his neck and his hair is soft on his skin. He adores everything about the Warden, especially everything physical, and he hates that the Warden thinks he finds him unattractive.*

Warden: *His stomach buzzes in a little kick of happiness at that, and he shuts his eyes with a smile as he curls more into Oncie’s body.* Why would you want old damaged goods like me? *Sounding much happier already. His great and mighty mood swings mean that he can never stay upset for too long. He still sounds quite vulnerable though, still reeling from the punch to his ego.*

Once-ler: Oh shush. There’s nothing damaged about your goods. Now be good and go to sleep, would you? *Kisses up his neck gently, its not sexual, its just a sweet gesture that he wants to be close to him* It's bed time, sweety.

Warden: *Wrinkles his nose with a pout* Worn out, whatever you want to call it. And nooo *kicks his legs a little childishly* I’m not tired. *He’s exhausted. Alcohol and misery can make anyone tired, but in someone as highly-strung as the Warden it’s practically a guranteed sleeping pill.*

Once-ler: Ssshhhhh *Places his hand on one of the Wardens thighs and purrs into his ear* Go to sleeeep. You’re tired. And everything will be better in the morning, I promise. *Brings his arms up and hugs the Warden again, he knows the Warden finds it uncomfortable to open up and he’d rather not give him the stress of worrying about doing that tonight. He just wants to remind him that he’s adored.*

Warden: Pfffbtt. Fine. But only because it’s you. *Looks grumpy, but he has to stifle a yawn. He shuffles down in bed like a burrowing animal before flipping over to hug up close to Oncie, arms curling around his middle. He looks stern and possessive, figuring that even if Oncie could do better he’s certainly not allowed to. He tucks his head under Oncie’s chin with a slightly more smug smile.*

Once-ler: *Smiles back that he’s gotten what he wanted and pulls the Warden into a warm and loving embrace, very protective over him when he’s being so glum. He rests his chin on the Warden's head and sighs tiredly while rubbing the Wardens back with his hand* I love you.

Warden: *Makes a pleased noise, nuzzling into him. Then something rises up in his throat before he can stop it.* I lo…. *Clears his throat with a frown, his nose against Oncie’s collar bone and lips brushing against him with he talks.* I- Ngh… *Whenever he comes close to saying that phrase his whole body seizes and he gets gripped with worry. It makes him feel too vulnerable and still has this childish little fear that Oncie will laugh in his face and dump him if he says it. He knows it’s not true, but it’s a fear that’s so ingrained that he can’t rise above the instinct.* Goodnight, Oncie~ *Gives up, and he relaxes back again.*

Once-ler: *His heart can now be felt thumping in his chest and his hands are gripped tightly on the Warden. His eyes were closed and relaxed before but now they’re wide open in bewilderment. His hopes had just sky-rocketed the moment he heard that first word. He’s been waiting so long for it, but then it stops, and his stomach drops. He was close. Not that close, but he managed to start the sentence, and Once-ler really can’t believe it. Yeah it’s upsetting that he didn’t get to finish it, disappointing, BUT WHO CARES?! It’s a START, isn’t it?! And it’s still undeniable just by the fact he attempted to speak it. There’s no way he’ll be able to sleep tonight after that.* G- good night.. *He whispers.*

Warden: *Is oblivious to the effect his attempt has had on Oncie, falling asleep in his arms and already half-dreaming.* Mmm… *Pats his head lightly before his body grows heavy and limp. His arms folds back to between their chests and he smiles dopily. He’s asleep in moments.*

[emocatkeith]

oh i might add onto this little list in the future, but i just made two new blogs if you wanna check them out! they’re still new though. i also decided this would be easier for the people who followed me for the fanworks i make and not, like, memes or something lmao

superjail side-blog [in hiatus] @lordstinggay

batman side-blog [in hiatus] @wonderland-in-gotham 

sun and moon (fnaf)/general simp blog lol @soleilxe

ppg/cartoon side-blog @un-luckylynx

My General/Trigger Tagging System

3/09/21: Hey everyone! I want to implement something into my pinned post I made a bit ago, which is about how I tag certain things. To keep things tidy, I’ll add the tags underneath the cut so my blog doesn’t look cluttered. But that aside, the main reason why I’m making this is because I’m worried people could get triggered by some content I post.

To begin, I always end with TW in lowercase for possible triggers, most rather common to have. For general stuff and memes, I usually don’t add, but for big fandoms and stuff I like, I usually put the name of the series I like in the tags. If there’s spoilers, I’ll put either the full title or abbreviation of it followed by “spoilers.” 

I also don’t really tag my specific posts or art since I don’t think many people see them, but you can check my archive to search for anything I’ve made, or you can just ask me and I’ll dig through my posts to find the one you’re talking about. Take in mind this might take a while as I have around 3k posts the time of writing this.

Now, here’s the general trigger list. If you need to add any spoilers you want me to mark, just hit me up an ask (I have anon messaging turned off because of possible hate mail and shit. I don’t have time for that kinda stuff, haha.)

bugs tw/insects tw: pretty self-explanatory. i use both for most posts including these so more people can be safe while not having to blacklist one of them at the same time.

child abuse tw/abuse tw (for general cases): also obvious. if it involves gaslighting and stuff, i’ll still try and tag that as abuse since that shit,,,is fucking nasty dudes.

body horror tw: i usually use this for fictional characters or art pieces not depicting actual people, since that’s really disrespectful to say to someone like that. if i do reblog something pertaining to this, i like to tag it as either “wound/wounds tw” or “disability tw” for people with major facial/body deformity and stuff.

sui/cide tw: tbh i’m half afraid to say the full word in a post, but i tag this content with the full word and no slash in the middle. i’ll also tag posts just mentioning sui/cidal things, or attempted tries, under this general category.

scopophobia tw/trypophobia tw: for the fear of characters or people staring right at the viewer or even implying eye contact, and the fear of hole-like spot clusters.

unreality tw: for the subject of fictional events taking place in real life (ie monsters being real, the moon being alive, etc.) while this is a source of personal comfort for me, i know some deal with bad paranoia and i can understand!

tw nsfw/tw nsfw txt: pretty self-explanatory lmao. for “tasteful” depictions (i guess that’s how you say it?? censorships weird lol) i’ll use nudity tw!

eyestrain tw: anything with bright colors or possibly harmful visuals when it concerns eyesight and stuff. for brightly-colored/flashing gifs, i use flashing tw/epilepsy tw

i think this is all i have now? or at least the ones i commonly use. if you need me to add a trigger to the list, let me know! this tagging system also extends towards my side-blogs as well. thanks for reading!

[the-once-ler-in-superjail]

Once-ler: *He's in his room, lying on his bed facing the ceiling and his window open to feel the breeze. Even though he can still smell the awful stenches of Superjail drift into his window, he has a lump of truffula tufts in his hand that he's holding close to his face. He's singing very softly and gently to himself. It doesn’t really have a beat or rhythm to it, it's very slow, but that's exactly what makes it nice to listen to.* Of all the money that ever I had, I've spent it in good company, And all the harm that ever I've done, Alas it was to none but me. And all I've done for want of wit, To memory now I can't recall, So fill to me the parting glass, Good night and joy be with you all. *It's more of a mutter, something soft and personal where he isn't worrying too much about perfection and more or less just letting time pass by as he becomes sleepier and more comfortable.*

Warden: *He is brightly tapping down the hall, feeling bouncy and gleeful despite the late hour. Since they got back from their picnic he had a few final things to sort out, but now he's off to bed. He liked the Lorax, and the Lorax now understands how much meaning the boys bring to one another, and although the Warden himself doesn't quite grasp that, he does know that having the Lorax's favour makes him feel good. He's about to pop in and check on Oncie, but when he hears the boy singing he pauses still to listen. He takes a few silent steps to the door to look in.*

Once-ler: *He places his hand on his stomach and breathes in for another verse. He's voice goes slightly higher in pitch over some words and lower, into a more homely note, to finish off the verses. making it obvious as to how young he actually is* Of all the comrades that ever I had, They are sorry for my going away, And all the sweethearts that ever I had, They would wish me one more day to stay. But since it falls unto my lord, That I should rise and you should not. I'll gently rise and I'll softly call, Good night and joy be with you all.

Warden: *As Oncie sings the Warden finds himself leaning against the doorframe, his head tilting to rest against the wood. There's a very soft smile on his face, and he slowly- with only the slightest sound of rustling fabric- slides down to the floor. His long, limbs spread ungainly out as he gazes up at his boyfriend.*

Once-ler: *He's far too into his singing and far too relaxed to have noticed the slightest of noises coming from him. Not having sight makes him feel even more in is own little world when he assumes he's alone. As he finishes the last verse, he begins with his final one. Even if he's blind, and his eyes can't be seen from the bandage, his eyes are- and would have been still without the bandage- gently closed. He's once again very content with himself.* A man may drink and not be drunk, a man may fight and not be slain, a man may court a pretty girl and perhaps be welcomed back again-

Warden: *While the Warden doesn't recognise the song itself, he recognises that it's an Irish ballad. As weird and bestial as the man is he does have some fair amount of cultural knowledge (it just tends to be ignored and allowed to wither away to nothing most of the time). Without realising, still watching Oncie with an enraptured, almost hypnotised expression, little ghostly figures of old Celtic warriors, fair Irish maidens and rowdy barbarians silently appear and fight in their own stories on the floor by his legs. They're romanticised and look like children's toys, but the man who created them largely ignores them and doesn't realise he's created them.*

Once-ler: *His voice becomes slightly softer now as he finishes* But since it has so ordered been, by a time to rise and a time to fall, Come fill to me the parting glass, Goodnight and joy be with you all, Goodnight and joy be with you all~…*he sighs contently, then slowly sits up and rubs his face, yawning at the same time and clearing his throat.*

Warden: *Blinks and shakes his head to jolt himself out of his reverie once Oncie finishes, and all the little dioramas disappear in an audible poof of smoke. He doesn't bother to move from the floor, but forgets that he might shock him when he speaks.* That was great! Where'd you learn to sing like that?

Once-ler: Aah!! *jumps and clutches his chest, his heart is racing like a rabbit's in headlights. He turns his face to the door while also turning red.* H- how long have you been there for?!

Warden: *Shrugs from the floor* Aaah, long enough~ *His voice is coming from roughly knee-height* You're a damn good singer, Oncie~ Why didn't you say anything before?

Once-ler: Um- *Blushes deeper* Thank you~ And what do you mean? You've heard me sing before, that's what made you kiss me in the first place!... jerk... *He's a little embarrassed and also a little flattered and he doesn't quite know how to express any of it.*

Warden: *Jumps to his feet and moves to sit next to him. Since Oncie went blind he's gotten used to moving around him and being careful not to suddenly touch him. His weight is soft and slightly tilts Oncie towards him on the mattress* Well yeah! But you were all... *mimes strumming a guitar* distracting me with your fancy playing!

Once-ler: Oop! *Accidentally falls onto him* Oh right. Well I cant really play guitar at the moment anyway. *Shrugs, but is very happy to have him here in the end.* Haha~ I was just excited to get it back and wanted to play it.

Warden: *Automatically starts stroking Oncie's hair* Aaah, well soon you'll be able to take off those bandages and see all of Superjail again! *Has already become convinced that this is definitely temporary. Which might actually be a good thing, because he does get whatever he assumes will happen in Superjail.* Then you'll be able to play your guitar to your heart's content~.

Once-ler: *Chuckles and rests his head on the Wardens chest* Lets hope so. If I don't get my sight back, I doubt the Lorax will let me stay here.

Warden: *Huffs, his stroking becoming a little stronger as he becomes more possessive* Well he doesn't get to choose who leaves my Superjail. *Forgetting momentarily that he gave Oncie freedom. He is well-aware that Oncie's not a prisoner, that's completely obvious to him, but he does forget every now and then that that means Oncie can leave whenever he wants.*

Once-ler: Not that I'd want to anyway, I made that perfectly clear. *rubs his face against the Warden's chest*

Warden: *Beams widely and runs his fingers over and over again through Oncie's hair, the soft gloves gently pressing against his scalp* Precisely. Besides *laughs* If you're eyes don't get better- which they totally will- I'll just get the Doctor to give you knew ones! He sewed Jared's head back on, so of course he can do that. *Still... he falls a little quiet at the thought of Oncie's eyes being replaced. He only really got to see them twice, when his glasses were removed, and the fact that they were so blue and painful left a strong impression on him.*

Once-ler: *Cringes at the thought, a flush of sickness sparking in the pit on his stomach as he imagines having such a delicate operation involving someone elses body part being attached to his head, and also being in the hands of the Doctor. He ignores those feelings and tries to think rationally, something he's been training himself to do since he became blind.* Hmm.... *His shoulders raise when he feels the Warden's fingers through his hair, but he relaxes and enjoys it.* Mh, not sure how I feel about getting new eyes... I already like my own. But new ones are better than none.

Warden: *Now he's managed to distract himself, and he's thinking about how much he'd hate to lose Oncie's eyes* Mm.. *His stroking slows*

Once-ler: ...You okay?

Warden: *Snaps upright and his stroking continues at the previous pace* Oh yes! Just fine. Your eyes... well they'll get better. *As if that's the only possible outcome. Now it's the only one he'd be able to stand* After all, I only got to see them a couple of times, right? I think I deserve a couple more peeks eventually.

Once-ler: *Sits up and faces towards him.* But I thought they hurt you. You can only see them properly without your glasses on, and you don't like taking them off...

Warden: *Fidgets uncomfortably and makes a few avoiding, dismissive noises.* I like wearing them, sure! But... it's... well, you see... it's not like it's impossible and I like how bright they are to me... *His grip has gotten a little tighter. He doesn't like admitting that he has problems- ever.*

Once-ler: Awwwh, I didn't know. How sweet *puts his head down again*

Warden: *Pouts darkly and cuddles his head* *Snootily adds* It's not really a big deal.

Once-ler: I guess not then. If I do become blind, at least they wont be too missed.

Warden: Ackthhbt! That's not what I meant! *Taps him on the head in mild punishment* You know what I mean!

Once-ler: *Chuckles and pokes him teasingly, finding it easier to deal with the situation if he can joke about it.* Anyway, remember when I talked to you about jared?

Warden: *Groans* What did he do this time?

Once-ler: He did nothing. Remember when I said you should give him time off?

Warden: *Stays silent for a couple of seconds, then bursts into the exact same sort of laughter as before. He clings to Oncie a little tighter as his body clenches up, tossing his head back to laugh.*

Once-ler: *sighs, growling a little and pushes himself up from his chest* Rrrrrr! Shut up and listen to me, Edmund. *But he's not mad, just sometimes gets a little frustrated when Warden trails off at a fairly serious conversation.*

Warden: *Hearing his real name barked at him is enough of a shock to make him shut his mouth and snap his face down to look at Oncie. However, he gives an irritated, questioning noise through his nose.*

Once-ler: *Strokes his face up to the Wardens chin and kisses it* Sorry, but you're not paying attention~ What I mean is- *does the same with his hand and places his finger onto the Wardens lips* and don't laugh- I was being serious when I said you should give him time off.

Warden: *A weird, internal bubble of laugh comes up again but he doesn't open his mouth. So it sounds like a manic sort of squeaky whimper. For a long time now he's been incredibly obedient to Oncie when the boy gives him a real order, and now is no different.*

Once-ler: Sssshh! I'm not joking! *But the warden's giggling is making him start to smile with chuckles also. He forces it back into a neutral expression though.* Look, I think he needs some time off and I think you should give him some time off... I'd say a week.

Warden: *Still tittering without opening his mouth, but he nods. Not so much in agreement, but to show that he's listening.* Mm.. m- *he speaks in a strained voice against Oncie's finger, his lips brushing softly against him* A week? A-and who would you say does all his work? Tch-snk- *shuts his mouth again. The thought of giving Jared time off is so weirdly hilarious to him.*

Once-ler: Well, I would!~ I've been dying to do some work! Anything! Ihe moment I take these bandages off! I just want to so something and not feel completely useless.

Warden: *Gasps quickly* You're not useless! After yours truly you're the most important person in here! *Slaps him on the back, then winces in case that was a little too hard and rubs his back kindly*

Once-ler: *Jumps a bit but relaxes at the rubbing* I mean it. Really! Can't you let me take over Jared's jobs for a week when my eyes are better? pleeeaaase?

Warden: *Makes a pained noise, not wanting to agree but really finding it hard to deny Oncie things when he's like this* Nnn... okay. *Sighs* Okay! But Jared had better not have put you up to this! Heaven knows I'd never live it down if he thought he could get to me through you.

Once-ler: *Gasps happily and wraps his arms around his neck, kissing his cheek repeatedly* Thank you, thank you, thank you!~

Warden: *Groans playfully like he's been played for a fool, even as he smiles broadly* You are going to be the death of me, young man. *Chuckles and leans into the kissing*

Once-ler: Oh well~ And no, Jared never mentioned it to me, I asked him if he wanted time off, and I told him I’d try to get it. This was ages ago, when we were fixing the jammed machine.

Warden: *Grumbles childishly* I still can't believe you wouldn't let me punish him. *And he knows why.*

Once-ler: I can't believe you would punish him! Now come here- *tightens his arms around the Warden's neck, telling the Warden to kiss him.*

Warden: *He laughs, and this turns into a playful growl as he gnaws up Oncie's jaw and kisses his mouth over and over again, rolling the boy back onto the bed and pulling him into a much stronger, proper kiss as he kneels over him closely.*

Once-ler: *Chuckles lightly as he's kissed then wraps his arms around him and he's rolled over, to passionately kiss back* Mmh~

Warden *Agrees* Mmh. *He's had a wonderful evening- first the picnic and now Oncie's singing- it makes him seem that little bit lighter and cuddlier than usual, and since it's really getting quite late most of the romance the Warden is now showering him with is without the expectancy of sex. He's a little too tired for that- or at least he is until he's wound up a bit more.*

Once-ler: *Pulls away from the kiss and smiles up at him* So, will you tell Jared tomorrow that he has time off?~ *smiles purposely sweetly*

Warden: *Whines, looking down at him* He'll think I'm going soft... *Grunts and pouts, but completely unable to say no to such a sweet smile*

Once-ler: But you're not, you're becoming human. *places his hand on the Warden's cheek*

Warden: *He sounds like he's struggling a little with the idea, as his hand comes up to cup over Oncie's* Who wants to be human? *Looks down to one side with a squint* I'm fabulous and magical- that's way better.

Once-ler: *Nods* In some ways, yes. But you're only able to look after me because you're human.

Warden: *Hums quite happily at it being phrased that way.* Well, I guess I can't argue with that. *He gently slumps over to one side so that he can lie down next to Oncie, hooking one long leg over his boyfriend's to keep him close.*

Once-ler; *Lies on his side and pulls the Warden's face into his chest, stroking his head.*

Warden: *Makes a small noise of pleased surprise, and happily strokes his hands over Oncie's waist to hug him softly. His hair is probably the biggest reminder of his age, by the way it is starting to recede back and is quite thin on his head. However, he is nowhere near balding and really it just makes him seem that little bit sweeter and more fragile. Which is a strange thing to say about a man with so much power in him.* I still think I prefer 'superhuman', though.

Once-ler: Then that's exactly what you are~ *kisses his head*

Warden: *Tilts his face up to smile into the kiss* I think I could say the same about you~

Once-ler: *Falters for a bit and then warms up to what he said. He doesn't say anything, but he hugs the Warden tighter and rubs his face against the Warden's gently. He sometimes forgets how strong he's had to be to cope with his whole journey in Superjail, but when it's pointed out to him he can really appreciate a complement like that. It's the hardest thing he's ever done and he never gives himself enough credit.*

Warden: *He nuzzles back, grinning. His hands run with soft rustling noises behind Oncie's back and pull him in close so that they are tightly cuddled up together. This feels lovely to him, and the thought of sex has yet to cross his mind. Which, considering how they are two warm bodies writhing on a bed together, is a very surprising thing.*

Once-ler: *He swinging around in the Warden's chair in his office, holding a bag of marshmallows in his hand and munching them one after the other. He's got nothing to do and he's got no idea what to do with himself. He might not be able to see but he's still getting cramped stuck in his room all day for the past week. At least being in the Warden's office means he can occasionally speak to his boyfriend, or Alice or Jared or Jailbot when they come in to do something. But in between those visits he can't do much else than spin and snack.* Ppppfffsshhhh... Uuuugh....

*The twins have been growing irritated that they've not been able to shoo Oncie away, but they also don't feel too threatened. Their original fears that Superjail might change from the interesting cesspool that it is have not come about and so they feel safe knowing that their favourite toy has not been broken. However, Oncie is still irritatingly pure in this place and by resisting their taunts he has hurt their pride. Also... he's just really fun to wind up. He reacts well, and they currently have nothing better to do. The techno music that accompanies them begins to pulse, and they appear in front of the Warden's desk. Exchanging a glance, one of them shifts a shin-high crate to the side of Oncie's chair for him to trip over when he stands.*

Twin 1: You look like you seem to be a sight for sore eyes.

Twin 2: To be fair, brother, beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

Once-ler: Waaaaghh!! *Jumps out of his skin and grabs onto the chairs arm rests.* What the f- ! *Then he notices the voices* Oh- ooooh, it's you guys. *He's still nervous, he doesn't know how he feels about being stuck in a room with these two while being so vulnerable. Then again, their last attempt to ruin him failed when he came back with his boyfriend fighting for their relationship. His 'Greed-ler' attitude begins to come through, it seems to have become his own personal defence mechanism.* Come to tempt me out of Superjail again? *rests his feet, crossed over, on the Warden's desk and eats a marshmallow.*

Twin 1: Why would we want to do that?

Twin 2: You seem to be doing so well for yourself.

Twin 1: *Takes a marshmallow from the bag, and one for his brother*

Twin 2: *Looks pleased and holds out a hand for his.*

Twin 1: *Gives him a slightly mocking look and eats both*

Once-ler: *Notices he's taken one out but doesn't seem to mind, he'd rather not get in a fight.* Oh well, that's good. *smirks* Perhaps we can all be a big happy family now~ Me and warden will be the daddy's, and you two can be the kids!~ *gives a fake smile*

Twin 1: Would you not be the one you humans call 'mother'?

Twin 2: We are not interested in your familial labels and their useless connotations. *Frowning a bit at his brother*

Twin 1: *Goes to the Warden's chair and slowly tips it forward, so that Oncie is forced to his feet.*

Twin 2: *Silently goes about the room moving around the furniture and placing things on the floor.*

Once-ler: Whooa.. *Wasn't expecting to be stood up but now his defence is dropping a little, making him feel nervous. Being in the chair at least made him feel safer in that fixed place. But now he's on his feet and probably has to walk, something he finds difficult when not being able to see.* What makes you think I’d be the mom? I'm more of a daddy than him.

Twin 1: You are very much the more delicate one, far be it for us to ascribe to your people's ideas gender binary.

Twin 2: Yes, we have seen his body deal with far more punishment.

Twin 1: *Sticks out his leg when Oncie takes a step* Case in point.

Once-ler: What? Oof! *He trips up but manages to put another foot out to catch himself before he falls., He staggers forward a little but doesn't fall over, then straightens up and turns to them in a huff* Hey! You realise I cant see, right?!

Twin 1: *Looks very unamused* That is kind of the point.

Once-ler: *Huffs* I suppose that was a dumb question.

Twin 2: *Has finished creating a whole obstacle course around the room, to gurantee that Oncie will be on the floor by the end of this conversation. He teleports to directly behind Oncie* It is a game for us. Do you see?

Once-ler: Gaah!! *Jolts to spin round to him but walks backwards and trips over another thing.* Ugh!- *Takes another big step backward. It doesn't help him much that he has such long legs, easy to fall over.*

*Both twins appear either side of him again. They firmly hold him by the upper arms- though they are careful not to hurt him in case the Warden murders them for it- and then spin him around a few times. They want to make him nice and disoriented.*

Twin 1: Do not worry, the Once-ler. We are certain he will come to your rescue if given time.

Twin 2: Unless he is too busy murdering his inmates again.

Twin 1: I believe he is overseeing a duel in the main courtyard. Switchblades at thirty paces.

Once-ler: Would you two-! A- aah! *Holds his arms out in front of him and as he grows dizzier and dizzier he stumbles over in a different direction. Bashing into things, boxes, chairs. He stubs his foot against the Wardens desk* Ngh! *Picks it up and grabs onto it in his hands, starting to hop.* Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow- *But hops backwards into a lamp that puts him off balance. He falls backwards onto the floor, hitting his head against the floor-to-ceiling window* Ouch! *he clasps his hands on the back of his head and growls angrily. He's direct it at them but he has no idea where they are in the room.* Nnghhh!!

*The twins beam at one another before they affect the perfect copy of the Warden's voice. It's clearly not him but it's still jarring and cruel.*

Twin 1: Oh Oncie~ Do you need a hug?

Twin 2: Some warm milk?

Twin 1: A blanket?

Twin 2: You want me to get Alice in here and rock you to sleep?

Once-ler: Wh-?.... Hmph *frowns* That's not funny.

Twin 1: *Goes temporarily back to his normal voice* It is quite hilarious.

Twin 2: You are certainly very smitten.

Twin 1: *Returns to his impression of the Warden* And you can be damn well sure he'll be using that to his advantage. *Not just his voice changes, but his way of speaking becomes much more casual to mimic the Warden in that way too*

Twin 2: *Returns to his impression of the Warden as well* After all~ he's gotten himself a very handy little toy-boy now, huh?

Once-ler: *He's on a flat surface now, so now that he's not being thrown around anymore, he can focus on what they're saying without being so humiliated. He won't let them screw with him again, and he figures that the best way to get to them is to play them at their own game. He smirks, and shakes his hand at them, chuckling.* Oh no~ You've got it all wrong. See, you're trying to intimidate me again by telling me about my own relationship when you don't know shit. Sorry boys, but it won't work this time. *Remembers the Mistress.* You can't use the same insults twice, you know?

Twin 1: *Returns to his regular voice* What?

Twin 2: *Returns to his regular voice too* What?

Once-ler: *Shakes his head again* You really think I'm just a toy to him? I hate to burst your bubble, but the very last thing I am to him is a toy! If anything, it's you who are the toys, *rests his hand under his chin and pouts, adding* and not so intelligent ones either.

Twin 1: *Pulls a haughty expression, raising his chin and folding his arms* Says the young man sitting among broken furniture.

Twin 2: We are the toys?

Once-ler: Oh! *Crosses his legs and sits up, almost looking like a child playing a game. Which is exactly how he's going to play them back.* You may find me fun to play with~ But what you don't understand is that I can say whatever I want to the Warden and he can have you both executed in a- *clicks his fingers*

Twins: *They both flinch at the click of his fingers. They're used to something happening when the Warden does that*

Twin 1: Er... Well..

Twin 2: *Shuffles uncomfortably* I suppose...

Once-ler: *He wipes his fringe from his eyes, even though he cant see and is wearing a bandage, he tries to look cool. He tries to speak in a very dark and threatening voice.* So, I suggest you watch yourselves, boys. Because all those powers that the Warden has? They're under my hand now too, and unlike him, I don't forget that I can use them.

Twin 1: *Looks at his brother* Uuuh...

Twin 2: *Swallows* Uhm...

Warden: *Suddenly he swans through into his office and sees the mess that the twins- and, inadvertently, Oncie- have made.* Ah-*Splutters* What is going on in here?!

Twins: AAACH! *They both scream at him in fear and disappear.*

Once-ler: Hahahahaa!!! *He throws himself back and kicks his feet against the floor.* You came at just the perfect time! Now that was fun- oh wait- *turns his head to the door* It is you, isn't it?

Warden: *Grins lopsidedly despite himself at seeing Oncie laugh so much* Uh, yes? Who else would it be? *Elegantly weaves through the fallen stuff in his office to stand beside him*

Once-ler: *Flicks his hand at him* Oh, they were putting on your voice before they were tripping my up and stuff. Come help me up! *Is still smiling to himself, he really enjoyed that, even if he wasn't able too see it. Now the twins won't dare to bother him too hard again knowing how much he actually is to the Warden. He puts his arms out to be helped up and chuckles a little.*

Warden: *He takes Oncie's arms and helps him to his feet, still grinning just because of how happy his boyfriend is. And Oncie is absolutely right- at this point he really could just say the word and have most anybody executed, escape for perhaps Alice or Jared.* Oh, well you seem fine.

Once-ler: Yeah, I am~ Perfectly fine. Especially as the real you is here. *holds onto his forearms, so not to fall over again*

Warden: *Proudly, feeling very powerful and responsible with Oncie holding onto his arms like that* You're welcome. Now.. how do you want me to deal with those twins? *Pouts with a short from, briefly moving one arm away from Oncie to wave at the furniture, where it all rights itself.*

Once-ler: Oh nothing, leave them this time. Maybe they'll learn not to bother me after that *leans forward and brushes his cheek against the wardens cheek* Mh~

Warden: *Chuckles and rubs their cheeks together, pulling him into a hug* I've never known someone so nice manage to survive Superjail so well~ *Sounds very impressed and appreciative*

Once-ler: Pffffff-! Superjail'll have to do better than that to get rid of me! I can take whatever it spits at me, I’m a tough cookie, damnit. *kisses his cheek*

Warden: *Laughs a little more, charmed by him* You're damn right! You're the biggest badass in the whole of Superjail! *Puts his arm around him tightly* Except for me. And maybe Alice.

Once-ler: *Chuckles* Yyyyyeaaahh, maybe the less physical badass. Alice still creeps me out a little.

Warden: I don't get why! *Playful but still completely uncomprehending* She's gorgeous~ *Still, ever since he and Oncie first got together he's only appreciated her in a non-sexual way. He thinks she's flawlessly stunning, but he's not tempted by her.*

Once-ler: *Shrugs* I may be a badass but I'm far too fragile for her.