#surely 6 months is enought to move on right ??

[the-blackdale]

Love that good omens trends every alternate week, like none of us are getting over the brainrot I see.

[makahimetenshi]

Processing and Healing - Paladin Danse x Sole Survivor Fallout 4 Fanfic

This is the 12 part of a series of fics im writing lately, the order will be:

Falling or not?

Danse cuenta de algo

May I use your shower?

Volver a tener algo

Addicted to Chems

Fooling around together

Sleeping for nightmares

Traumas at the Commonwealth

Being awake

I like being this close

Have you ever had sexual relations with any species considered non human?

Processing and Healing

If you are very very very delighted with one fic and want a continuation I didn’t write or post you can donate me at least $5 bucks, most of this fics have next chapters I don’t finish because lack of motivation but hey a $5 is a $5, I see a few reviews and coments that fics that are abandoned months laters receive coments of wanting to know what happends next. Here it is, I finished my handling with you all, enjoy the fic

Nate sometimes had great ideas.

This time it wasnt the case, not really.

The commonwealth was a very humid place, humid and cold on the winter, the fog penetrating into every hole of your clothes to bathe your spine and make you catch a cold that may put you in bed for at least 3 weeks, fog that will last for days before actually spreading a bit leaving a tiny ity sunshine appear into the clouds. But in the summers...gosh it was nasty, hot and humid as fuck, makes you wonder where all that cold goes away when the season changes, for Nate it was nothing like when he moved to that neighberhood 210 years ago, nono, it was another type of humidity, sticky and slimy into the skin making his clothes attach to every fold of his body, heavy enought to make his hair go down and loose its form, compressing every tiny hair against his forehead giving the impression that he didnt bathe at all, loosing all his shine and making his freeze go crazy up, it was awful.

Danse understand his suffering, but not so much really, sure there wasnt as much fog and rain in DC but that place was very humid too with the proximity to the sea. At least it wasnt that big of deal for him, but higiene was a very different value between Nate and any born wastelander, he suffered from it a lot, like, really a lot, something that itched him in the core for real, which was strange to see, usually most of the people just live with it because there no other alternative and complain about it will not change the weather but…

In the hot days, the people of Sanctuary will bathe on the river that boarders the neigberhood,  Danse will bath to refresh with the people, but Nate doesnt, claiming that he isnt interested in bathing in radiated water without a real reason, that unlike Danse, he will get cancer if he bathes there.

And it was true, Danse will never have cancer, because he is a synth.

All wastelanders are born with somekind of advanced cancer, everybody tells the general that, that he shouldnt worry about it, he is going to die anyway from sometype of leukemia, its a thing of attitude if it kills you first a bullet on the head or a degenerative desease.

But Nate isnt a wastelander, he is different, and for some reason the sole mention of cancer ruins his day for good, always, no matter who says it.

Of course Danse knows why. It was a long battle for both, and so many people more.

So when the general wake up at 6am with his neck and balls already wet and burning like he didnt fucking had a shower at night yesterday, he dress up and prepared breakfast for both men, waiting for Danse to wake up. Having a synth boyfriend wasnt that bad actually, in fact, a robo boyfriend was a big update, right now while he heatens the premade pancakes  Danse sensors must be waking his systems telling him that the body that was emitting heat next to him for the last 6 hours of sleep wasnt in the bed anymore at his side, what before his blind betrayal was good survival skills inside the brotherhood or sharp perception...both understand now that its programming, and while it makes Danse sick to the stomach to think about it, Nate can only see the benefits, specially for survival.

It wasnt that bad.

Just like he thought in no time Danse was walking to the kitchen looking for him.

-Morning -said the ex paladin sitting on the table, much more easeful now he find where Nate was, even knowing the man since a few years it was always a jumpscare waking up and not see him in his side of the bed.

-I have an idea today -said Nate- its something i wanted to show you since a long time, i suppose you are ready

Usually this things werent good

-Do you think is smart to eat breakfast first then? -Danse can still feel disgust and his stomach stirring despite rationalizing a lot of things about his synth body this last times, horrors are still horrors after all, synth or not.

-Yeah dont worry about it  -said Nate leaving his plate on the table -its not going to bother you as much it should bother me -the ex paladin raise his eyebrow at him- its going to be fine

It was funny because the general will not bathe in the river but wont protect at all from the sun, going out the house in this hot climate with hawaiian shirts, shorts and sandals, really walking around like there was no danger, even Danse was surprised that he didnt want to carry any kind of weapon but they where walking a very linear path, easy, from the house to the...oh no...not that place.

-Nate -Danse called- where are we going? -the synth was also walking in sandals and shorts, kinda using Nate wardrobe  this hot days.

-Just wait until we arrive there-the general had under his arm two foldable chairs and a bag with four beers

-I know where the fuck are we going but why? what do you wanna do there? -it wasnt an easy walk with this temperatures tho. The synth was sweating a lot and that always make him anxious and irritable.

-Like i said theres something i want to show you -why the man wasnt meeting his gaze? he was avoiding it.

-Nate i…

And then the general stop in his place, Danse behind him surprised, he took a big breath and then smile to ease him.

-Just follow me okay? -he said  clicking the beers to make the glass sing playfully.

Danse shut his mouth and swallow saliva down the throath, willing to cooperate and just follow him down to the vault 111. Always funny how from the really small neightberhood of Sanctuary you have to go up a little hill and then go down the elevator to enter into the subterranean vault.

Vault 111 was Nate vault, entirely, literally, all his and no one else for everything he wished and wanted to. The man will expend entire noons trapped down here without anyone  company despite actually 3 years passing since...well since he was decryogenized here on purpose, time for Nate passed more slowly on his grief.

Not sure if it was the darkness, the underground climate or the systems of the vault still working to make suitable enviroments for people to survive inside but once they were down everything feelt so refreshing in comparison with the hell up there, and the sun, specially the sun, Danse never liked coming down here that much but right now it feeled just right to be scaping that torture of UV lights... -Gosh my skin its burning and we walked only 5 minutes

-Look at that -pointed Nate at a gun behind a closed crate, for his habilities that lock seems too easy to open, makes the synth wonder why it is still behind that bars- Thats the Cryolator, If this hell continues on earth I'm going to use it to make everyone cold margaritas with ice cubes.

-Never used it? -ask Danse looking at the flamer that shoots ice in detail.

-Just read the logs about it here on the terminals, apparently theres no ammo once you run out so im saving it for an special occasion, thinking very seriously to use it on my balls if we keep like this- Danse rolled his eyes, nah he didnt meant it, Nate was too stingy to use something that couldnt be replaced easy, mostly he will save it forever or try to find a replacement before using the actual thing

They walk, and every step foward the place felt more...cold... cool of course, refreshing after the horrible days they had up in the surface but it was getting like cold not cool slowly, like chilling in your bones really bad, the temperature was really really low, even small breezes of cold air where visible as they walk until Nate stop in front of a room with cold water on the floor, melted water more specifically, it was humid inside that room but cold humid, really cold humid from the temperature machines and engines around. At first the ex paladin didnt get it until he saw the walls and oh shit he already was in this place once, it was funny how he can never remember details of this cursed placed, everytime feels like the first time he enter to the house of horrors

-Oh nonono, im not going inside, i have principles.

-Relax -said Nate, opening one of the foldable chairs in front of a cryopod in particular- its much better than the surface

-I get it but... -Danse look at the chair and then up at the cryopod, closed but not frozen enought inside to cover the windows and avoid seeing what was inside, water was leaking from it, drop by drop into the ground

. -Nora this is Danse. Danse this is Nora, althought i already presented her to you never did formally -Nate sat open the second chair at his side and then sat on his own chair. Legs open, like it was nothing.

-This is fucked up -said the ex paladin, not wanting to exactly take a seat.

-A bit, it would be worse for my sanity if she was already in a more advanced state of decomposition like really really dead but...-Danse get it, the micro climate inside this room keeping everything cold and humid didnt help for her body to actually die, the conditions to keep her body like the day she was shoot in the head were ideal, and Nate never had the courage to open the cryopod again after taking her ring and promise to find Shaun back- im not in denial, she has a round shiny bullet in the middle of her forehead which makes everything so obvious…

-And you come here to be fresh in front of the body of your dead wife?

-And to talk obviously, manners makes the man -he said finally picking up a beer using the side of the chair to open it.

-Dont you think this is a little fucked up for me...?

-Look buddy, i was straight before knowing you but you cant try to compete with the woman that gave  me a son -the smirk on Nate face tell Danse that this was all a game for him, maybe it was more traumatic for him than it was for the old man, right, after 3 years he should have at least a piece of this events a bit solved, a tiny piece processed

-Well we know how that ended -Danse take a seat unconfortably on his chair, looking at her bloody face.

-Im not letting you talk shit of my dead wife, watch it, that was more my fault than hers -no it wasnt, but Nate will feel culprit forever for what happend. It wasnt the fault of any of them.

-So you come here to spend the noons fresh as a lettuce... -said Danse picking his own beer from the bag- behind the blood and all i can see the appealing

-She would be beautiful even as a ghoul -the way Nate smiled at the cryopod gave Danse a bad chill on his entire spine, of course you would say that if you have an history of fucking ghouls- You are hot and everything but I was so lucky that she turned to see me even just once in life, you may be right now the love of my life but this woman was my other part -Danse smiled uncomfortable, opening his cold beer at the side of the chair- we were so alike and complemented so well on eveything, people that know us often say that we were equals like twins, i often swear to the skies that she somehow had to be my sister

-I can totally see you fucking your female counterpart -its true, if he uses the right corner of his eye he can see a resemblance between the two of them, specially the nose- you are narcisistic enought for that -despite being a six Nate had a really high standar of his image and persona, she was also kinda a six.

-Oh here we are narcisistic the bitches would say -now Nate drank on his beer, smiling, playing, he was just playing, shit talking- Psycologist on the army would also say that

-Well im not a professional and the standars may change in this latelys 210 years but...why? -ok if this wasnt really crushing Nates heart...as traumatic it may be to drink beer next to your dead wife frozen body, it wasnt that bad, he wasnt having a meltdown yet, they were just chatting, casually next to a dead body of someone really important, but most because it was cool.

-Bitches started to get on my nerves once a recording of me and a fellow mate got leaked, yes, he shoot the unarmed prisioner from behind, big deal, but us laughting at his body was their interpretation, not a fact -a cold shiver ran across Danse spine, sometimes Nate talked like a raider.

-Were you really laughting?

-How i am supposed to know? We done stuff in the war, i cant exactly recognize myself in everyrecording i am on a power armor, that could be anyone! -then the general make silence, an actual long silence while his face looks really deep into thinking- the execution was my buddy, that was true

-Oh my gosh you are a war criminal -said Danse picking up his chair and moving it 10cm to the left, laughting a bit of how hilarious the situation was.

-You? A wastelander? Judging me? -Nate appeared to be a bit offended while drinking on his beer- i shoot thoose bullets in the name of freedom, you all cut necks to prepare breakfast!

-I also shoot unarmed wastelanders, but i did it under the orders of the brotherhood -now Danse drank- you and the Enclave are this close -he made a sing with two of his fingers barely closing, leaving a tiny space in the air- to be in the same side

-You feeling funny? I can send your ass up to the surface

-Did that thing about marrying a lawyer come before or after she found out about the war crimes?

Well at least Danse knows that Nate is healing the subject of his dead wife little by little, one small talk at a time, burrying it slowly in the depts of vault 111 where everything started after the bombs dropped.

Next time he wants to refresh and cool his balls from the heat up in the surface he is going to ask to be in another room tho, cant compete with the woman that gave him a son after all.

[trickstersantana]

PARA: Bet on it

Who: Santana and @alyricalberry Location: Undique Stadium  Time: October 20th Summary: Santana and Rachel have their 4th fight, if Santana loses, she has to be nice to Rachel for a month. If Rachel loses, she has to give the money she won at the NAOs to Santana. Triggers/Notes: Violence and ghosts

Santana awaited for her prey at the entrance of the Gym. She had her back in hand, and was ready to gain some easy money. She wondered if there was something different, if Rachel actually trained or gain some new weird witch new powers. She hoped so. It was more fun to defeat your adversary when they had gotten better.

Rachel shouldn't have been nervous, but she was. She didn't want to lose to Santana. Again. She had to put those thoughts out of her mind. She just had to focus. She went to the gym and gave Santana a smile. "Hello. Are you ready to lose?"

Santana bursted into laughter with that question. After a while she could respond. "Oh, Barbarita... I hope that of all the thing you lost, you never lose that sense of humour" She said with a confident smile while entering the gym. "So, well, do you need any extra rules? Are we allowed to use items or that's cheating?"

Rachel raised a brow at Santana's laughter and just crossed her arms. "No items. Just our powers. Are there any rules you want?"

Santana smiles, facing Rachel. "I want this week, you can pay me in cash or transfer it to my bank account, I'm alright with both" She just said. "Show me your best, little witch" she said, ready to fight.

Rachel rolled a die. The die showed: 4

Santana rolled a die. The die showed: 3

Rachel closed her eyes and put Santana's words out of her mind. She needed to focus, now more then ever. Then, all of a sudden, she felt a cool sense of calm pass over her, like everything was going to be okay. "You're on, Santana," Rachel said, opening her eyes again. She started singing <<Don't tell me not to live, just sit and putter>> and created a sound bubble, throwing it right at Santana's chest.

Santana recieved Rachel's attack, not expecting it to make any effect. She gave a step back, and smiled again, but not as total confident as before. "My my, look like someone has trained... I hope you trained enough!" She said, preparing an illusion

Santana rolled a die. The die showed: 5

Rachel rolled a die. The die showed: 1

Santana made a black illusory circle around Rachel, and made a whispering sound of children voices whispering Rachel's name. Saying 'Rachel help us'. Some crying noises sometimes, and some shadows surrounding the witch, and when the moment arise she activated the jumpscare as some creepy pale child ghost shouting to her face.

Rachel closed her eyes when Santana's illusion materialized. She tried to ignore it, but her voice wavered as she sang. She tried to create a strong enough spell, but when she tried to create a sound barrier to attack Santana, it was only able to disperse the illusion, barely able to touch Santana where she was standing a few feet away from Rachel. Rachel took a deep breath to try and calm herself. focus she whispered to herself.

Rachel rolled a die. The die showed: 3

Santana rolled a die. The die showed: 1

Rachel took a deep breath. She had to get it together. She gathered her magic in her hands and formed a sound bubble. She began singing <<The Greatest Star>> into the bubble and then threw it to Santana, letting out a victorious yelp when it hit Santana square in the chest. "Ha! Take that!"

Santana rolled a die. The die showed: 2

Rachel rolled a die. The die showed: 4

Santana tried to dodge it, but it's hard to dodge sounds. "Auch" she complained. "Not so bad, Berry Cake" she said with a smile, like this was all a part of her plan to make Rachel trust her victory and then go hard on the witch in the last moment. The important thing it was to Rachel to fear it. "What about this" she said preparing another ghostly illusion attack from the ground.

Rachel rolled a die. The die showed: 2

Santana rolled a die. The die showed: 6

Rachel was waiting for Santana's attack and she managed to dodge it by throwing up a quick music shield. She raised a brow at Santana. She was actually doing well. She closed her eyes and concentrated on her spell. She figured she should switch things up. She'd been practicing her affinity magic. She felt confident in her fire magic now. She whispered <<fire burn bright>> and sent a fireball at Santana, sighing when it sputtered and died right before hitting her.

Santana laught at the tiny flame. "Problems dealing with hotness, Barbarita?" She asked while making a huge blue fire illusion around Rachel. "Let me show you how it's done!"

Rachel rolled a die. The die showed: 6

Santana rolled a die. The die showed: 6

Rachel felt the heat of the fire knock her off balance and she groaned. Why did this always happen to her? She lashed back and send another large fireball hurling towards Santana.

Santana giggles and is surprised at the following real fireball. She made an illusion of herself to 'get the damage' while she dodges the fire. "That's more like it, Rachelle, now you just have to hit the target!"

Santana rolled a die. The die showed: 5

Rachel rolled a die. The die showed: 2

Rachel rolled her eyes and tried to ignore Santana's taunts. This always happened. Santana got under her skin and she got distracted. She wasn't going to let it happen again. She started singing <<Don't Rain on My Parade>>, it was her best bet, and sent a sound

Santana knew that everybattle it was a wit battle. And Rachel could never be on her level. She dodged the next attack and sended another illusion of zombies attacking.

Santana rolled a die. The die showed: 5

Rachel rolled a die. The die showed: 4

Rachel sent a stronger sound shield to try and dissipate the zombies and hopefully knock Santana back at the same time. That didn't work as the minute Rachel's spell hit the zombies, it faltered. She let out a frustrated grunt and sent another sound bubble towards Santana.

Santana dodged again the sound bubble, continuously moving around Rachel. She send another skelletons illusions to her. That was the key, just sending her illusions, tiring herself for her own magic. "Man, I can't wait to expend all those dollars I'm gonna win!!" she said with a big smile

Rachel rolled a die. The die showed: 1

Santana rolled a die. The die showed: 3

Rachel rolled her eyes at Santana's words. "You're not going to win! I'm going to kick your butt, Santana," she shouted, sending another sound bubble at Santana, trying to ignore her illusions. Rachel could feel her power draining, though. She knew she was close to losing. Hopefully she could quickly defeat Santana or else Rachel knew she'd lose. Again. Which she could not stand.

Santana laugh again at Rachel's words. "I'm going to win again and again, amiga mía" she said, making fun of her "Talk less, show MORE!" Santana made another illusion oh just sounds around Rachel. It sounded like a crow booing, saying loser, saying she was a dissapointment.

Rachel closed her eyes and tried to block out the audio illusions. But of course, Santana knew how exactly what her weaknesses were. Rachel hated to admit it, but it was working. She scrambled for her grimoire to see if she had anything that could be used to help her, but she realized she had nothing. She let out another frustrated cry and put up a sound shield, just around her body to block out Santana's illusion. She needed time to breathe before she could form her next spell.

Rachel rolled a die. The die showed: 4

Santana rolled a die. The die showed: 3

Santana was too distracted enjoying the show and didn't expected that last attack. "I'm glad you don't surrender, it makes it more interesting" she said preparing to see what Rachel will do next.

Rachel "I'm never going to surrender to you, Santana. I'm going to win," Rachel said. She dropped the shield and gathered up her magic, this time managing to summon a ring of fire around Santana, which slowly got closer and closer to Santana, trapping her in a small ring of fire.

Rachel rolled a die. The die showed: 6

Santana rolled a die. The die showed: 2

Santana laught again, but it was quickly interrupted for a ring of fire around. "Shit shit shit" Well, she surely got burned. "Look, sometimes you can use fire and all!" She said, but the taunting tone was over. But of course, she was going to win.

Santana rolled a die. The die showed: 6

Rachel rolled a die. The die showed: 4

Rachel smirked when she saw Santana freak out. Finally, she was getting to her. Rachel focused on making her spell stronger, the wall of fire growing taller and taller and getting smaller and smaller. Finally, something was working.

Santana get out of the fire, hardly and almost falling, and did another illusion attack for a jumpscare ghosts to Rachel. She had to ruin the witch's focus.

Rachel was too busy focusing on her spell to notice the next illusion. Just like that, her focus shattered. She tried to send another fireball to Santana, but her spell went awry and she accidentally burned her own arm with the flame. She shouted and dropped the spell, putting her hand on her heart, breathing heavy. "I can't... I can't do it anymore. You win, Santana."

Santana looked at Rachel, a little surprised of the surrender. But of course, she was going to win. She illusionedsome tiny fireworks and applauses. And confetti. "Of course, of course, I keep winning. Forever" She looked at her own nails, getting closer to Rachel. "Well, you can send me the money on cash, if you prefer" She patted her head "Not bad, you are getting slowly better." Not enought as her, of course.

Rachel frowned at Santana, feeling her energy wane even more. She lost. Again. She couldn't believe it. "Whatever, Santana. Just leave me alone," she said, softly. "I'll give you the money later," she added as she stood up and walked away.

[keyhala]

So, about 2016—

It’s already 2 weeks into 2017 and I said i was going to talk about this once everything was all well and done with, and it’s not REALLY, but I’d really not like this to ruin 2017 as it did 2016, so I’ll talk aout about it.

Warning, long, probably incoherent rant ahead.

2016 kind of fucked me up (and shortstuff too, but I’m not going to try and talk about her feelings on the matter), in many ways.

To make sense of it, however, we need to go back to 2013. Yeah, all the way back.

Before I went to Japan in 2013, me and Shortstuff we’re living with her mother in a rental house. Split through 3 the rent was nice and I was going through selling my apartment, so it worked out well for us. Once I had sold my apartment, I had enough money to put in a deposit for another — bigger — apartment, or even a house. 

I suggested to Shortstuff we’d find a place for us to live.

There were two reasons for this. One, it’s nice to own a place, rather than rent one, and two, the rental house was for sale, but at a lot steeper price than we were willing to give. So the risk was that we’d end up homeless during the time was in Japan.

So we started looking at apartments, but eventually, Shortstuff’s mother mentioned to us it would be cheaper to buy a house. Generally this is correct. Mortgage + rent in a bought apartment usually corresponds to mortgage + costs of a house at around the same size; but house prices are more stable and less dependent on market.

Sounded like a good idea, so we switch to houses. A month or so in, she comes with another suggestion; find a house big enought to make two ‘apartments’ out of, and move in all three. Cheaper cost for everyone, but with decent size for living.

This should have been a warning bell, but money-wise, it made sense, so we thought this was a good idea.

We buy a house — using my profit money — and I go to Japan. Shortstuff spends the autumn and next spring paying me back so we end up having 50% each of the deposit costs.

...Shortstuff’s mother, on the other hand, puts in a bit to help Shortstuff pay me back, but she doesn’t want to be part of the ownership, or the deposit.

This should’ve been warning bell two.

This comes up a while later, when I ask about it. Shortstuff’ mother has a huge debt, so she has no credibility. that’s why she needed us to move somewhere together, because she would never have been able to get an apartment of her own.

...Things are okay for now, so that shouldn’t matter, right? It should’ve.

Spring of 2014 comes around. Shortstuff’s mother things it’s a good idea we cook our meals and eat together, since it’s cheaper for everyone. This means the idea of two ‘separate’ apartments is no longer a thing, despite her living in the bottom floor. I bring this up, and she mentions it’s ‘only until there’s a kitchen fixed downstairs’, so I give in.

in August 2014 our basement/bottom floor floods. It takes 7 months for it to dry out, and we use the money from insurance to fix Shortstuff’s mom’s stuff, build things up downstairs. In the meanwhile she sleeps in our guestroom. In February 2015 we build a kitchen downstairs.

We still eat our dinners upstairs.

Back to Summer/Autumn 2014. Shortstuff’s sister get’s kicked out of her community (she’s got a mild mental disability that prevents her from working, so she’s on an LSS program; the municipality is supposed to support her and pay for her living, and she has a pension) and has nowhere to stay while the dispute is going on. She comes to live with Shortstuff’s mother. When I mention we didn’t have that sort of agreement, She says that she’ll support the sister, and we don’t have to worry.

All bills are still split in 3; me, Shortstuff, and her mom. Everyone uses the same heat, water, and food. We buy special foods for the sister when she wants it. Ergo, we ALL support her, contrary to shortstuff’s mother’s words.

The sister still lives in the house. Shortstuff’s mother is ‘safekeeping’ her pension in case the municipailty tries to take it (wtf? I’ve counted; the amount should be close to $25.000 by now).

2015 things get worse. I want to take away the things in the garden, because I’m not into gardening, I’d prefer a lawn that’s well-mowed and clean, but shortstuff’s mother thinks this is a bad idea and says she can take care of the garden. This doesn’t happen, but she still gets angry every time I suggest just clearing it out.

My ‘job’ (because shortstuff’s mom thinks it’s a good idea to divide tasks in the home; they’ve always done that) is cooking. Shortstuff cleans, the sister does the laundry, and the mother does the garden.

Now, I did a brief calculation of a week’s work. I cook approximately 2 hours a day, seven days a week. On weekends, I sometimes cook longer, so in total, I estimate 16 hours a week. Shortstuff cleans about 30 minutes a day, and we help each other out on the weekend. about 5 hours of work. The laundry is about the same. The mother spends about 2 hours in the garden per week at most. Nothing during october-march, and only mowing the lawn during july-september.

Cooking: 16 hours a week Cleaning: 5 hours a week Laundry: 5 hours a week (we have drier and everything, and everyone sorts their own clothes out) Garden: maximum 2 hours a week, max 6 months a year

...I failed to make dinner one day because I — and I said this upon getting home from work — was too tired, and I got chewed out because everyone else were doing their jobs and I was just being lazy.

I digress, but things were weird.

I suggested we cut down on candy and soda, because we were paying more than $200 a month for it, and I got chewed out for being stingy and greedy, and that I only said that because the sister usually drank only soda during the days, so I was out to specifically target her.

Me and shortstuff wanted new furniture, so we checked that out. Shortstuff’s mom offers to pay one third of it. We say it isn’t necessary, but she insists, since we let her live there and we would do the same for her if she was in trouble.

This happens a lot of times, and we should’ve taken that as a sign.

Winter comes around, I’m constantly tired, upset, generally moody. We buy Shortstuff’s mom a new iPad in December, cause her old one broke. This sounds like it has nothing to do with anything, but keep this in mind until later.

2016 starts, and I break down at work so hard I call my insurance company and get an appointment with a therapist.

We have 10 meetings, and during these meetings we discuss my stress and anxiety, and everything boils down to one thing.

The situation at home.

I mull this over a long time. In May, I tell shortstuff that this isn’t working. I just want to sell the house, and move somewhere, just her and me. She is upset and obviously conflicted, but we talk about it for a while longer. In mid-June, she talks to her borthers about it, because she’s unsure how to bring it up to her mother without problem.

Especially considering if we sell the house and move, both her mother AND her sister will have no place to live, due to her mother’s bad credit.

We eventually make a deal with her younger brother. He wants a house but doesn’t have a deposit. It’ll take him about two years to work one up. He has a rental apartment in the city; me and shortstuff want an apartment. Sure, we’d like to buy one, but at the time, we’re so desperate for a solution, we agree to just swapping.

He takes the house, takes over the bills, pays our mortgage. We take the apartment, and cover those bills.

It sounds like a good solution, and Shortstuff brings it up with her mother that weekend.

She explodes.

I have no idea what the hell happened, really, but suddenly we’re liars, backstabbers and just out to hurt her. She doesn’t speak to us for days, but forces us into admitting everything we’ve had a problem with by all but barricading us in the living room a few days later. No matter how many times we try to say that it isn’t anything that can be changed, that we just want to live alone together, she won’t hear it. No matter how much I try to explain that the living situation is affecting my and shortstuff’s relationship, she can’t get out of her bubble about how this is all about her.

She says this was the worst thing we could’ve done to her, and that she no longer has any respect for us.

...as if we couldn’t have sold the house, rather than keep it for two years to give her a chance to find something else... or find some other way to find something else.

It hasn’t stopped since. We moved out in November, and all the way there she’s been mentally abusing and harassing shortstuff, pulling her aside and telling her a lot of horrible things (and trying to force her to not tell me, which is bullshit), she starts pulling up every single thing she’s helped us buy, by EXACT price, on a list that she’s kept; she wants to be paid back for it.

...so much for just wanting to help, huh?

She also told us, time and time again, that she’s done so much for us and we’ve Never done anything to help her, or done anything for her sake. Remember the iPad? Remember housing her homeless daughter because she couldn’t be bothered to take up the dispute with the municipality now that Shortstuff’s sister actually had a place to live?

But the BEST one, that I always fall back to and I just can’t understand, is from when she forced us down to explain our problems, while shooting them down by being awful and telling us what we experienced and felt were lies.

You can’t believe how much it hurts, to know that I, who have done everything to make you feel happy, have caused you pain. Do you know how horrible and sad that makes me feel?

...while expecting us to APOLOGIZE for this. Apologize for not being happy because of ‘everything she’s done for us’...

I’m sorry, but you can’t demand people to be happy just because you helped buy furniture. Especially not after you’ve been an ass about it.

I don’t know, I know we’re not entirely in the right, but she’s just kept doing these things. It keeps going even now. Shortstuff wanted to go back to school, but she’s felt too stupid to do it, and that is something that has been pounded into her. Maybe not consciously, but it has. Yet when she tells her mother this, her reply is ‘you can’t blame me for something like that. That’s on you. I’ve done nothing but support you’.

The same mother who told her not to move in with me when I was in university because it was a ‘stupid’ idea since she ‘wouldn’t be able to’ get a job there.

We talked about selling the house two years from now. She goes up in anger again. ‘why hasn’t anyone thought about me? about my future?’ because apparently she’d imagined us all four living there ‘like a family, like we said’ (although the plan was to have two separate apartments), and that she could ‘retire and live cheaply there for the rest of her life’...

as if we signed up to housing and taking care of her for 40+ years?

She also keeps persisting that no one has thought of her, even though the ENTIRE reason we haven’t sold the house yet is because she and the sister would have no place to go. Even though all mine and shortstuff’s savings are in the house? Even though we now have little funds to use when Shortstuff is in school?

Sure, we’ve only thought of ourselves.

She keeps saying she feels horrible and sad and no one cares or asks about how she feels, but during the fie years I’ve stayed in the same living space as her, she hasn’t asked me once how I feel. NOT ONCE. She doesn’t ask how my therapy sessions go, or if my stress is better. She doesn’t care. She’s too busy pitying herself.

...I’m rambling about too many things by now, and this is long enough already, but I just can’t wait until we can finally sell and leave that damn house and those years behind us, and start building our relationship and lives up again.

Which is terrible, considering we were out to buy our dream home, initially.

At least that’s a few lessons learned, right there.