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bendablerubber · 8 years

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Living Alone and Loving It: 10 Tips to assist you Grow Into the one who Will Fill Your Empty Nest

My bedroom was always my emotional ‘haven of rest’. I locked myself behind those four walls much like Anne Frank hid from the Nazis. It was that place where I could exercise my cynicism, my anger, my hopefulness, and my dreaming. My walls were plastered with McCartney, McCartney, and….ugh…did I mention McCartney? If some of you do perhaps not know who McCartney is you shouldn’t be reading this.

I also took time within my haven to brush my waist-length locks 100 strokes per night. I painted nails and toenails and blew cigarette smoke out my bedroom windows. Like as if my moms and dads didn’t know. I spent a lot of time wanting to figure them out, too. I'd time to sing along to every rock band, holding a hairbrush as my microphone as tens of thousands of people (in my head, of course) applauded furiously at my vocal abilities.

I had time!

Then, I grew up. Type of. But, in my desperate attempt as a female Peter Pan, i acquired married, had children, paid mortgages, packed lunches, ironed pretty, little dresses, buffed little, patent leather shoes, learned how to French-braid locks, discovered exactly how to English-braid hair (there really IS an improvement), attended school programs, composed love records regarding the hearts of my daughters, got divorced, signed homework, helped memorize vocabulary words, helped to collect and label leaves for a school project, helped to make an Indian village for a school project, helped to draw and identify parts of the human lung for a school project, stayed awake nights when they suffered from high fevers and missed work the following day so I could nurse them back to health, stayed awake nights whenever I didn’t know where the heck they were whilst still being went to work the next day so we could all eat, planned and paid for birthday gift suggestions, graduations, bridal showers, weddings, infant showers, and Christmas presents in between it all.

I had almost no time for me. And, I knew it.

So, when I found myself alone the very first time in almost 25 years I was desperate to find the “Peter Pan” in me again. Now, i'd like to address something now that some of maybe you are thinking so we could clear the air right up front. You may be thinking that I am an extremely selfish person because only selfish people crave “alone time”. Maybe you’re thinking that I never should experienced gotten married or had kiddies if I desired so desperately to evolve as an individual and that through the mothering years found it difficult at times to keep “me” richly alive and whole. Possibly some of you are even bold enough to think that I didn’t truly have the capacity to love my kiddies the way a mother is supposed to love them.

Maybe I’m thinking that those of you who actually ‘think’ these things are perhaps not brave enough to be honest with others and, more importantly, with yourselves. Every moms and dad who has ever truly done his or her job as a mom or dad has definitely felt lost in the method. It’s only natural. Parenting is tough. It’s a full-time job, often interwoven with a full-time job. It’s gut-wrenching. It’s 24/7 for at least 25 years per child. It can be the most treasured blessing God could give us. Parenting in and of itself is a mirror that forces us to look at ourselves without the blinders for the first time inside our everyday lives. And --- if we refuse to take that hard look at ourselves --- I can guarantee you that our kiddies will bring our sorry selves to our attention! And, we don’t even need to ask them because of their help. They volunteer it --- and, usually, with an attitude!

Praise God for our children! We would never have become who we are without them inside our lives.

But, what you thought was going to endure forever is now gone. The children are gone. They’ve moved away. Now, they have children of their own. Miraculously, they have been finding out why the heck you were so tired and worried all those years. Now, they’ve abruptly figured down that hats are a significant wardrobe piece during the months of December through February. All of a sudden, your children want to rest. But, now they can’t.

But, YOU can! So, let’s talk.

There is nothing wrong whenever parents struggle between being a good moms and dad and coveting time alone to continue self-development. Our company is supposed to be role models for our children; perhaps not just circus clowns, Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, and an ATM machine. Just how will they ever evolve themselves if we don’t suggest to them what ‘evolving’ looks like. We need to pick up the baton we left behind 25 years ago and re-create ourselves again and again again so we can show our kids what we learned through it all. We need to show our grandchildren that life’s vibrancy doesn’t stop just because the ‘kids are gone’. Life’s vibrancy continues as we embrace those grandchildren --- and, if God offers us the time on earth --- those great-grandchildren!

But, just in case you’re feeling as if all your life’s purpose has moved out and moved on --- let’s think about exactly how you'll keep it going --- and, actually, end up having MORE to offer those precious souls that are no longer in your day-to-day care.

Tip no. 1: Revisit the pastime you quit as a result of time constraints as a parent

Maybe you used to sing in a band or go to concerts or plays. Maybe you used to be a member of an acting troupe or dabble in local theater performances. You may be one of those gifted people who work in stained glass or who is able to paint or draw. I don’t specially care if you paint by numbers. Just paint (!) for crying out noisy --- if that’s what you enjoyed doing before the youngsters arrived along. Are you experiencing a green thumb? Then, plant a garden. Are you crafty? Then, make your Christmas presents throughout the year. If you’re good with wood…apply the principle in the previous sentence. If you always enjoyed writing --- whether it is poetry or prose --- pick up a pen or introduce a WORD doc and obtain it going again. Who knows? You might become the next New York Times best writer!

Tip #2: be in form

Maybe you used to go to the gym or play tennis or golf. Were you an avid walker or hiker? Did you love yoga or dance? There may were an occasion when you were able to blame the children or a spouse for your lack of discipline and/or spare time. But, you have plenty of time now. (You’ll have to muster up the discipline…more on that later.)

Have a look at special discounted memberships at your local barrage of gyms. Some gyms run specials throughout every season; but, most run specials right following the Holidays and prior to summer. You don’t have to become the next Mr. or Ms. Universe. Just get healthier. Get more toned. In the event that machines aren’t your bag, enroll in one of the aerobics or yoga classes. “Zumba” is a relatively new Latino dance exercise that can be learned on many quantities of expertise from novices to advanced levels. It’s a fantastic workout and loads of fun…especially for the enthusiasts of Latin music!

Check down your local dance studios and sign up for a dance class two evenings per week. There are all kinds of dance lessons on the market --- just in case ballroom dancing isn’t your speed. You can learn the Salsa, the Meringue, Country Line Dancing, East Coast Shuffle, and West Coast Shuffle. The list goes on. You don’t constantly need a partner, as some group classes accommodate individual students without partners. There is always the opportunity to spend a bit more cash and train with the dance instructor one-on-one. That’s always fun!

In most towns the YMCA provides plenty of fitness choices from exercise equipment, aerobics, Tai Chi, and Yoga classes to baseball courts, indoor tracks, and indoor private pools and saunas. There is a product out there --- the “Swimman Waterproof IPod Shuffle”. You is now able to do laps to music and one of my social networking friends --- an avid swimmer --- swears by it!

Never ever underestimate the joy of your own house as a ‘work-out center’! So long as you have a floor and you will get OFF THE COUCH you can work-out to various walking DVDs and other aerobic and toning DVDs. Immediately, you’ll have a team of like-minded, fitness partners right there on your television! You can go at yours pace and change routines if you invest a little money so as to provide yourself some variation. Also, for a good investment of around $100, you'll purchase a stationary bike or mini trampoline second-hand from a classified ad, plop it appropriate in front of your television and pedal or jog the pounds off while watching your favorite television show. I, personally, find pedaling or running to music much for fun. Especially, if the music is fast-paced with a great, constant beat that makes you desire to move. Of course, dancing for 25 to 45 minutes to your favorite CD can be a great way to shed the pounds.

clash of clans hack All the recommendations here can show to be highly effective if you commit to doing them for 25 to 45 minutes three to four times per week. Get creative! Pick an activity you LOVE TO DO and just GET IT DONE!.

Tip #3: Begin Journaling

OK. This might be different than really embarking upon writing a book. However, it wouldn’t be the first time one’s ‘journal’ became a best seller. It’s happened before. It can happen again. But, the point of journaling is not a great deal ‘publishing’ it because it is an exercise in introspection and expression. It’s a great stress reliever, too, and can often provide on a conscious level those answers we hold on a subconscious level.

Take a few minutes each day to record that day’s experiences. Begin with those activities in yourself for which you are most grateful. Focus on your blessings; not your minuses. However, write what you are truly feeling and don’t judge what you write as either “right” or “wrong”; “good” or “bad”. Just write. Don’t also worry about sentence fragments and/or punctuation. This really isn’t English class. It’s journaling. If you can get all stressed about exactly how it ‘sounds’ you will defeat the purpose.

Tip #4: Become a student of Better Money Management

Unless you’re currently a wiz at finances (I’m no psychic, but I’d venture to say nearly all of us aren’t), check your local community for workshops and seminars that teach the tricks of money management and investing. These may be special activities that come to your town just like the visiting circus, or there are ongoing workshops held by community colleges or your local Chamber of Commerce. In any event, you can learn an excellent deal at these types of events and you can feel safe in doing so because if everyone else in the space had a handle on this topic they wouldn’t be at the seminar. But, the others are on their way to building wealth and you might since well hang out with those individuals anyhow. We’re talking “evolving” right here, right? Your finances are no exception. This task will create many opportunities on an everyday foundation to check your life and, possibly, a recreation of Y.O.U.

Tip #5: Browse

Whoaaa! Now, I know I’ve scared the skin away from some of you. But, R.E.A.D. is an OK, four-letter word! You won't be a bad influence on your children and grandchildren if they come to visit you if you have to place your book down on the coffee dining table to open the door. It’s OK if once the phone rings and also the other person asked, “Hi, what were you doing?” you said, “I was reading.” Last I checked that isn’t against the law.

Now, if you prefer to grow and change into an even more awesome person than you already are, you may desire to consider reading biographies of successful people or self-improvement books which teach you skills for living better and with additional purpose. Wouldn’t it be really cool if you could be an example to your children and grandchildren as to exactly how to get this done?!

Tip no. 6: Turn Off the TV

Listen. It’s my personal opinion that TV really doesn’t ‘keep us company’. It keeps us stagnant. an occasional show with half decent content can be fun, can provide laughter, and --- if we get REALLY lucky --- may even offer great music or drama. But, I know way too lots of people who watch fictional figures every week as these characters attempt to unscrew-up their screwed up lives. Instead of watching someone else ‘have a life’ --- create a life for yourself! Go to boundaries and have now a cup of something and browse for a good book. Chances are that if you meet someone interesting in the section you’re in ---- you’ll have a lot in common. Hit up a conversation. Be approachable. Not for romantic reasons…for “people” reasons. You have plenty of the time for cultivating friendships. Remember, 20 years ago you'd have sold a lung for the opportunity to get from the household alone and hang in boundaries. HANG, for heaven’s sake!

Tip #7: Learn a fresh skill

So, which word above is confusing you…“learn”, “new”, or “skill”? Do you have any idea how many fabulous opportunities you will find into the world to learn? Many colleges, universities, and community colleges offer courses as “audits”. You don’t also have to fund the course because there are no credits earned ---- just information and new knowledge. These courses can be found in a number of disciplines from spiritual studies to science to photography to vegan culinary skills to innovative writing to windsurfing. Again, everyone really loves something. And --- the really cool component concerning this whole concept is that it doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks. It’s all about YOU! You can understand how to play a better game at whatever game it is you’re playing. But, you need to be USING!! If it’s been way too long since you’ve thought about what it is that certainly fires you up, take an instant and think back to when you were caught like a chicken with your head cut off. You're running to T-Ball games, dance recitals, pediatrician appointments, pharmacies, parent/teacher conferences, choir practices, girl scouts, and boy scouts. You're driving children to your movies and picking them up because somehow YOUR children had you convinced that YOU were the only parent with the some time an automobile. (Can you believe that we thought them?)

So, that which was it that you were dreaming about in those private moments in your heart when you said to yourself, “Boy, if I only had more time I’d love to ______________!” Can you fill in the blank? THAT is what you should go learn more about. Or, you can understand how to send video messages and audio messages within an email to your friends in place of typing a note. You can learn how to prepare all your bills online with the various software programs that are out on the market. You can learn to make your own greeting cards. And, if you currently know exactly how to do a thing that other folks want to learn about --- write your own personal eBook!

Tip #8: Invite friends for dinner

Yes, friends. I know you have got some. They’re the individuals whom I was referring in Tip #5 who call you on the phone and interrupt your reading. They really enjoy consuming and would love a free meal at your home. But, if you’re perhaps not inclined to cooking or you feel like you’d be a threat to your friends’ health by doing so --- invite them out for dinner and meet them at your favorite destination. Chances are they were stuck in a rut, too, and would really enjoy getting from the household. (I can almost see those red-checkered tablecloths currently.)

Tip number 9: Make a Vision Board of something you desire

I don't have any concept what it is precisely that you'd like to have in your lifetime that isn’t currently in your life. Only you would know that. But, I would challenge you to definitely remember that everything that you do have in your lifetime started as an idea, a dream, or a vision. If you own a home, you probably had an idea at one point in your lifetime that you desired to own a home. Then, over time, you had the various stages that precede purchasing the home. You didn’t just wake up 1 day and find a home, show up at a bank, get the money and sales agreement, and march into the existence of the seller with your offer. If it took place like that for you, then I highly recommend you write the eBook on “How to Buy a Home in One Day” (Tip #7). But, like the majority of people, finding your house was first a desire or dream then you envisioned which type of home you desire to own. At some point --- after many challenges and strategic planning --- you became a homeowner. This could be the exact same way we acquire anything else in life that we would like to have, do, or accomplish.

A Vision Board is nothing significantly more than a visual format of a dream or desire. If it’s a tropical vacation you want, placed together a poster board full of pictures of that dream vacation destination. You can do it as a collage or simply paste your pictures in a linear fashion onto the poster board. You may want a car or a boat. Or, you'll have a goal in mind that is less tangible in nature, such as losing weight and gaining muscle or becoming a better skier, fisherman or golfer. You may desire a vocation change. What would these goals look like for you? Maybe you actually want to relocate to a warmer climate. Create a Vision Board with pictures of the actual city in which you desire to relocate. Include pictures of homes, golf courses, restaurants, downtown shops, the surrounding mountains or ocean fronts, aerial views of the landscape of the favorite “home town”. The Vision Board is mostly about everything you desire to achieve or receive, so there is not any right or wrong method of accomplishing it. There are additionally electronic versions of vision boards with slide show presentations that will be placed on your desk for frequent viewing. If you choose to utilize poster board version, make sure to place it where you will have very frequent exposure to it every day. If you spend plenty of time on your desktop, place it on your desk firmly fixed to the wall surface directly in front of your eyes. You will have no other choice than to look at it usually during your day. It will be the very first thing you see in the morning and the last thing you see at night. Believe me. You will go closer to your goal --- whatever goal you choose --- simply by implementing this simple concept.

By just how, creating your Vision Board doesn’t have to be completed in one single shot. It can be created over time. It can unfold as your desire or goal unfolds. The desire or goal will create the Vision Board and also the Vision Board may help to create the desire or goal. You will be pleasantly amazed with the result!

Tip #10: Decide what you need to DO for the remainder of yourself

“Decision” is a BIG word! Without choice, nothing else happens. We each spend roughly eight to ten waking hours each day doing some form of work. Even for anyone who may be retired or semi-retired, there is something that gets your attention for the hours in which you are not sleeping.

If you’re still working, are you really doing the kind of work you love to do. Or, can it be simply a means to an end? Is your work nothing more compared to the paycheck at the end of the week? I realize that not everyone can just leave his or her “job” and do their life’s passion. But, for anyone who've the flexibility to do so, please take the time you are now allotted and figure it out for yourselves. Obviously, only you'll decide if you can manage to this. Maybe you can’t afford not to. Either way, make a decision as to the manner in which you truly desire to spend each day. For those of you who must continue working at a full-time job, possibly there clearly was something you would enjoy doing part-time for extra income OR, possibly, on a volunteer basis. Did you always have a passion for nursing? Do you love dealing with geriatric patients? Do you love the laughter and energy of little children? Do you love libraries, free galleries, or museums? Every community has many Para-professional and volunteer opportunities in each one of these areas. Often, hiring managers welcome the more seasoned worker when searching for extra help since they know and trust the work ethic and experience you bring to the table.

Now, I’m having the feeling that lots of of you would love to start yours business --- maybe even on a part-time basis until it is up and running. What exactly is that one vocation you have always wanted to do? Please don’t say “it’s too late” or “at my age?” For just one thing, it’s never far too late. Also, if you’re 60 years old now and you don’t pursue your passion on the next five years, I’m thinking you’re still going to be 65 years old after the following 5 years have come to fruition. So, you may as well go after it!

So, to which “empty nest” are you referring? ‘Cause if you’re in it, it’s maybe not empty.

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