#sydcarmy dynamic

[gayofthefae]

"To have someone who really pays attention to you"

"I made the margins wider" "Why?" "'Cause you write in the margins"

to be loved is to be known

[bebrave-live]

Love the flavor of soulmates that is a main m/f partnership dynamic that's mostly platonic but also romantic but also dysfunctional and yet completely essential - like these characters would not work without each other, but they barely work with each other, and most importantly they know each other carnally better than anyone else, but it's also not about sex at all it's about the partnership and navigating the highs and lows of intimacy and letting someone in, but also maybe they do fuck, but also maybe don't, but also...

[yousharknotpass]

'cause i'm too messy

[thoughtfulchaos773]

There's something about this scene...

Grapefruit burns carmy because of its acidity. Carmy reads the menu to Sydney, and he points out the dish needs more heat. But it's how he says; acid. He sorta grumbles this under his breath. Like he's reminded her before about the acidity?

Whenever he collaborates with Sydney, he tells her this. In 1x08, the gap to bridge was saying you need more acid, and in 2x02 pasta, the acidity brings them to the conversation of the sorry sign.

It's all about communication.

Sydney doesn't mind that he critiques the acidity of the dish; it's just that his communication leaves much to be desired. So resigned, she asks, "What did you change?"

Carmy tells the change and then tells her why don't you try it before you get pissed. A part of this whole argument reminds me of a married couple in a rough patch, laboring on, having the same sorta reaction to each other but never actually talking about it.

What else I love is after the talk about lousy communication- carmy, on the surface, changes the subject. Still, for carmy, good communication involves knowing how to keep up with Sydney's personal life. Also, Sydney, though critiquing Carmy on his actions, still lifts him up by expressing that although she's annoyed by the changes, it will still be an excellent dish. She also acknowledges that he's not smoking when he's tensed up. She sees the effort and even asks how long it's been. They still communicate even when they're not communicating, if that makes sense. There is always something happening between the lines.

[yangsharperavery]

chris storer and joanna callo i have an ideaaaaa

[katiethelmie]

How to wake up a bear

She wakes him up with a smushed cheek kiss, no complaints on his side though

[conceived-angel]

i do like that the general vibe is carmy going 'i want things to be different' and syd looking sick of his shit. so sick of his shit she's not even going to realise he's flirtinggg 😭

[cosmic-light-fics]

Before and after watching The Bear Season 3

[mulders-nose]

If anything... sydney is carmy's mentor if we're being honest with ourselves

[youwillfindilluminating]

sydney's, "you need to calm down. I am not asking," sent me to the moon!

she is going to domme him into being a better person and I am here for it

[glitterandhelium]

what if richie invited syd to the wedding

[gayofthefae]

Sydcarmy and Byler are the same in the way that they are more defensive or dismissive of issues with other people but with only each other just naturally open up (and sometimes people forget because they see it as learning about the character and don't notice that is consistently only ever with one person).

But like Sydney avoiding Marcus. Mike getting defensive towards El. But opening up after a day with Will. Will telling Lucas it was fine but calling Mike out on his bs.

[undead-moth]

So The Bear ends season 2 with Carmy fucking up his pretty serious relationship with Claire. They spent an entire season developing this relationship between Carmy and Claire, and now it's over, and not just over, but abruptly and painfully over. Throughout this same season, they continue to develop Carmy and Syd's relationship, incorporating undeniable nods toward an eventual romance.

Then in season 3, they have Carmy dealing with the fallout of his painful fuckup, that ended a relationship that was, as I said, pretty serious, and was developed over the course of an entire season. They do this while continuing to develop Carmy and Syd's relationship, and while their interactions are mostly tense this season, they continue to incorporate blatant nods toward an eventual romance.

This is happening at the same time they have opened a restaurant, and Carmy is under enormous pressure, pressure that has been made worse by his breakup. Pressure to make the place a success, to live up to his potential, but also to make sure that Tina has an income, that he gives Marcus's mom what she wanted for Marcus, that Ebra, elderly and at the point where he really needs to be retiring, continues to have a job, that he doesn't endlessly waste his uncle's money, and crucially, so that the restaurant can earn that star Sydney is dreaming of, and that Carmy didn't even want.

And yet there are people genuinely criticizing The Bear for not canonizing SydCarmy this season, when...?

The man just went through a devastating breakup -

At the same time he opened a goddamn restaurant -

And is clearly going through the crisis of a lifetime -

And on top of that, he's just quit smoking.

Do you think, in real life, that it's realistic someone in that situation would immediately turn around and start seeing someone else? Do you think the writers would have spent a whole season developing Carmy's relationship with Claire, just for Carmy to shrug it off like it was nothing when it ends?

I'm even more baffled by the idea that SydCarmy not becoming canon this season is because the writers this whole time, have just been, what? Fucking with you? Straight-baiting you? Or do you think that just because they didn't canonize SydCarmy this season that this is indicative that they didn't intentionally allude to a future romance between Syd and Carmy?

I will tell you right now that The Bear is one of the most purposefully written shows I've ever seen. And while I will say that this season might be the weakest so far and wasn't what I was hoping for either - Nothing on that show is an accident. Nothing means nothing.

The writers of The Bear are too good to have accidentally implied SydCarmy was a thing. They are also far too dedicated to their vision for The Bear for them to be throwing things in just to fuck with you.

Have some patience maybe? When was the last time you watched a show that didn't hand you something the moment it was hinted at? Aren't you tired of watching shows that skip to the good part? Which is, as a result, not as good as it would have been?

[trying-to-get-somewhere-real]

really feel like fandom needs to get more comfortable with ambiguous dynamics, and how that ambiguity can be a feature not a bug! i notice this everywhere in fandom now, but this post is about sydcarmy the bear cause that is my current hyperfixation lol. sitting with ambiguity is the lifeblood of so many (all?) queer ships (also, importantly, my real-life queer experience) but i think it’s often relevant for straight ships too. no one is making sydcarmy antis ship them but to say ABSOLUTELY NOT because the nature of their relationship at this very moment is not easily defined is missing so much that is rich and interesting and sexy about figuring out what the dynamic is. *especially* for fan content (which is what a lot of us are here for actually!) using fic and meta to explore what certain words, body language, editing choices, music choices, etc mean is what makes our brains light up! (mine at least)

tension between two characters is the sexiest thing and ambiguity heightens that tension imo! whatever happens or does not happen with them in the future, at this very moment in time the undefinable quality of their relationship creates the space for shipping. this used to be a rather basic concept in fandom that seems to have gotten lost in the past however many years. i guess the primary anti response to this would be that the dynamic is *not* ambiguous—it is platonic—but like, i am with @eatandsleepwell who just included the following in this excellent post today:

and the thing about syd and carm being friends is that. they’re not. or at least not yet. or at least they need more to be friends. friends know your mom is dead, they know what your relationship with your parents is like. friends can easily hang out with each other after work. friends can be apart without the sense that the separation is akin to devastation. 

i don’t really think they’re friends! they are a weird third thing that is so delicious to me, and every single day right now very brilliant people are writing hundreds of words on this website attempting to interpret what that thing is or could be. this is the lifeblood of fandom! and the demand or expectation that ships have neon signs above them that say ROMANTIC to be valid romantic ships is just very odd to me. syd and carmy are weird and intense about each other in a way that is not easy to parse but once you decide to try and parse it, it’s such a satisfying experience as a fan. they had some major blow ups in s1, and in s2 managed to largely avoid them with the asl sorry but clearly were in unspokenish conflict much of the time (that they managed to diffuse just barely; mostly by syd walking away!) besties is not the word i would use to describe them at all. besties do not struggle this much to communicate. there are so many wonderful complicated bonkers things going on there and the purpose of this post isn’t to get into them but just to point out that they’re there.

anyone who thinks it’s easy to reduce them to any one given thing right now isn’t paying enough attention. and not being able to categorize them easily isn’t a bad thing for me. it’s the constant thrum of what is this? what is this? what is this??? that makes fandom great and i wish that didn’t feel like a hot take right now.

[yangsharperavery]

carmy telling sydney that she loves taking care of people is SO specific and exacting coming from him bc carmy hasn’t really experienced or allowed himself care... yet he recognizes that ability and characteristic so astutely in sydney. 

that line is a callback to what nat says to him last season about chef’s liking to take care of people through their creativity, their gifts, their food. which is one of the reasons carmy gravitates toward food.

that’s one of the ONLY times he felt connected to and cared for within his highly dysfunctional and fractured family. THRU their likeness with and for food.

every other time he cared within his family, it was thrown in his face, he didn’t do it right or he was punished for trying.

part of him recognizing sydney’s brilliance and capability is absolutely about her skill and the food but it’s also about her ability to CARE about all of these things above and beyond the food as well.

something carmy really struggles with. like the accolades, the stars, certain details of the business. he can’t care bc care is such a tenuous and foreign concept to him on so many levels.

some people took noticeable (and justifiable) issue with all that he saddles sydney with both last season, and moreso, this season.

but without delving too much into the unjust and imbalanced distribution of labor on a black woman, which has valid and necessary critique, part of the reason carmy feels so comfortable and trusting in allowing sydney to do so many things is because he feels secure in her care and the expressions of it.

not for him specifically or directly, but for all the things that are required in their business. and even all that is required as a human as well.

he knows that her care extends beyond the food and the nourishment and the fulfillment of a meal.

and i think he does this almost unconsciously because he still wanted final say and approval on things. that’s his limited need for control and to know the working facets of a thing in order to feel certain it won’t implode.

but the CARE. that is something he sees in her. it’s something he’s lacked in a broader sense for most of his life. that care from another, directed back. 

carmy desperately wants to feel and experience care. but he can’t. he keeps it at arm’s length, he self sabotages from it. 

this also speaks to how we don’t ever even see HIM experience this basic care via a meal. like this guy is a chef, he’s surrounded by chefs and owns a restaurant yet he eats pb&js and poptarts?? cannot experience or allow himself care.

i think his simple acknowledgement and vocal proclamation of sydney’s care and heart is so special and impacting bc that’s what he needs. that’s what he desperately craves. but he has no real concept of it. he’s tried to display it so much throughout his life in his family but the remnants and byproducts have wounded him so severely.

so even in the way he expresses care there is an inconsistency or a haphazardness. 

which is also why him telling her earlier in this season: “you’re gonna have to care about everything, more than anything” is actually just a projection. because sydney doesn’t have a lack of perception and understanding and dynamic with care. HE does!

sydney has experienced care on additional levels he hasn’t had access to. sydney has been loved. even if primarily in a familial, parental way. that is a foundation for so MUCH when it comes to the capacity of care and nurture. both giving and receiving it.

this is also why he seems so visually fixated on her sometimes. he’s trying to gauge and learn her but also figure out how he can care for and about her (while also keeping her at an arm’s length and protecting himself) because someone like her is literally BRAND new to him.

this is why he can’t handle her being upset or peeved at him.

this why he called in the favor he did for something he KNEW she would care about wearing.

WHY HE LITERALLY TRIES TO GIVE HER WHAT SHE WANTS NEARLY ALWAYS.

he witnesses her capacity for care continuously displayed and feels his own opening up toward and for her.

[damnikindadontcare]

I see no difference