#t....idk man. anyway this has been my vent post. if u made it all the way down here then thanks for listening

[cassandralexxx]

L+ratio (ie ignore this unless u want to read a vent post 💀)

Idk man I wake up every day deeply unsatisfied. I feel so discomforted and disconnected in my own skin. Like I hurt; all I do is hurt. I wake up and the first thing I notice is my legs feel sore. Like first I notice my thighs and then I’m like ok I should move drink some water and then I realize my calf/lower legs also feel tight activated and overused. And I’m like well shit that sucks. So say I don’t end my quest there and just go back to sleep say I go to sit up drink some water or maybe go to the bathroom. Boom my hand joints hurt. Also lifting my phone rn is so heavy. And it’s like this is so lame. My condition yeah causes muscle weakness but this isn’t weakness it’s muscle lack of endurance. Like ok girl u can do something But Only Once.

side bar I have been so nauseous lately. It’s so bad man it’s like god wants me to throw up or something. I don’t want to throw up that’s so icky gross (I have already vommed twice this month) (once was just a little amount into my sink that disappeared real nice and easy and the other time was prolonged into my toilet) I am NOT having a good time. Another part of this side bar is as I was typing I decided to stretch my legs ie not have them scrunched and that was so uncomfortable.

anyways let’s see let’s pretend you’re my rheumatologist so I can try formulating ny words.

hey I’m doing well how are you. Honestly I have not been doing good lately. I think the increase dose of aza has made me slightly less fatigued but overall my quality of life has not been great. Like tiredness is getting vetting but I am still tired a lot of the time. But I’m still in pain almost constantly. Some times the pain is more at a background level like a 2 but a lot of the time it is at a higher level. Typically when I wake up my thighs feel really bad like that’s the first thing I notice when I wake up and the I realize that my calf muscles also feel like sore. I still have joint pain in my hands but that’s more of if I open and close my hands. I have noticed that the way I’ve been feeling in regards to my health has been limiting the way I live my daily life. My health has affected me both socially and scholastically. I have skipped on going out for the majority of the more recent social events my sorority has had as well as things I’m required to go to. Like I skipped out on going to volunteer at the 5k my sorority helps with bc I woke up that morning tired and in pain and also nauseous. This seems like the time to note that I have been more nauseated lately, which is an unappealing feeling. Like I’ve thrown up twice this month and have like really felt like I was going to vomit other times lately. Circling back I was hoping there was a medication or something that could help my treatment to lower my pain levels. Because I have been taking aleves like nearly every day not every day but nearly and while it’s otc I don’t want to be reliant on pain medication just to not feel pain. Like they help dampen a lot of the pain but like I still feel trace amounts of pain which can be really frustratibg. Like being in pain has made it incredibly hard for me to focus this past semester. Like when I’m in class I sit towards the from t but anytime i would adjust in my seat it would feel really bad like actively grimace levels of discomfort. It’s like I wouldn’t say the actual levels of pain are that awful but they are constantly on my mind and make it hard to focus on quite literally anything else. While I wouldn’t say that I’ve been experiencing muscle weakness there has been an increasingly lack in ebdurance. It’s harder to do things u was able to do before and things are overall more tired. This is a lame example but I’ve decided to “retire” my doc martens for this season because I get so tired wearing them. They are heavy shoes but still. Anyways was wondering two things: one being I really haven’t been handling being in pain so constantly all that well, I feel like since I’m less tired/not asleep as much I’m just feeling pain for longer periods so I was wondering if you knew of any therapists or something in (our city) because I feel like I’m kind of shutting down and I figured that maybe a professional could help me deal with my reality better. And two since my health has been causing me to struggle with my focus I did poorly in a couple of my classes this semester. I just wasn’t able to focus effectively and do my work to the quality it needs to be so I was considering doing a medical petition for those courses to be marked with a MW so that my gpa and scholarship won’t be too affected. It’s similar to what I had done my first year at uni. I was wondering if you could sign off on the letter saying that I have health problems. Thank you for your help with everything have a nice day

Ok purrr ur my rheumatologist simulator has ended

now that that’s over on to my other complaints in life. Once again my hair, my meds causing hair loss two year ago had made my hair a texture nightmare. Like 2/3 are straight and a third is frfr curly. I hate it sm I want to kms. Like it feels so disgusting. I hate this mixture of textures if it was all curly slay if it was all my regular hair more slay. I’m so pissed bc I used to love my hair it used to be one of my pride points in appearance now it’s annoying and fucking ugly and hard to deal with. And my other complaint is that I’ve gained weight and look bad now. Some times I can slay but overall I looked in the mirror this morning and was just upset. And since I wince so much lately I have like wince lines which feel accentuated with how I’ve gained weight in my face. And I’m so pissed off and sad

anyways yeah this has been a post of me being dissatisfied with life xoxo

[headtothecoast]

jaskier as a standup comedian. hear me out

i considered having geralt be an audience member who he gets to laugh, front row, yen made him go with her, doesn’t laugh at the whole set until jaskier picks yen for the audience part, says something and geralt just looses it. so of course jaskier seeks him out after the set by going to the bar and just plain hoping and they do go home together and it’s fantastic

but also consider, geralt is some professional something or other, maybe an actor who only does scary/professional roles and sometimes gets a bad rap because he doesn’t always get on well with other actors (he doesn’t agree with business practices of treating crew members poorly, offers to help crew set stuff up, helps out when animals are on set that kind of thing but also like, if his coworker or producer or director is sexist he will e n d y o u so some actors don’t like him because he protects women cast mates and just generally isn’t a prick) and also doesn’t interview well. he’s gruff and doesn’t actually like the limelight but his agent (and exwife) yen talked him into it and it’s a good paycheck for their daughter and sometimes he does like the movies he works on (after all, he did some work with these guys eskel lambert and vesemir and they ended up being like brothers and a father who taught him stuff about the business) anyway i digress. geralt is a stonefaced actor who is always cast as an assassin or something or a hunter or a butcher and he doesn’t always appreciate that

so jaskier is a comedian and geralt doesn’t care if jaskier tells jokes about him (and yes some of his comedy is musical/he writes songs on the side) but similar to john mulaney, none of jaskiers jokes about geralt are mean. like, none of them are even a little bit like toeing the line. geralt makes a point not to watch jaskiers comedy because he really doesn’t want to know what his boyfriend/fiancé says about him onstage even if it’s an act so geralt doesn’t realize that audience think he is the sweetest and kindest person ever while jaskier is just a f e r a l c h a o t i c d u m b a s s and geralt must be a saint for putting up with him. and sometimes jaskier cries on stage while talking about geralt adopting roach after a shoot and how sweet he is but like the point of the story was that he accidentally set the barn on fire so audiences are astounded that the man is even alive by the end of the shows.

but so geralt is doing press for a movie and it’s no secret that he and jaskier are dating, tho it might not be public knowledge they’re engaged and a late night host brings up jaskiers stand-up and geralt says something about how he too would make fun of himself on stage, idk something self deprecating about what he thinks jaskier would complain about (stoic, scary looking, disruptive in bars sticking up for people, easily recognized everywhere because of the hair, temper) and the host shows him a clip of jaskiers recent tour where he’s standing on stage saying stuff like “yes i’m aware they cast him as a murderer” or something “but once you see him braid ciri (also actress but out of the business because of legal battle with producer who tried something when she was a child actress and has a restraining order against not geralt but yen)‘s hair while humming the golden girls intro you just don’t see it anymore. like it’s impossible for him to scare me because i know his secret, he eats cereal out of the box just like the rest of us and sometimes he lets me have the toy except for the one time i-“ and sure geralt has maybe noticed some people like hosts and coworkers being nicer to him and fans approached him a little more now but he hadn’t realized jaskier didn’t make him the butt of the joke. so he says as much, gruffly but endearing to the audience that he only saw stuff from before they were together because he wouldn’t begrudge him needing an audience to vent to, or something. and so the interviewer keeps asking him about jaskier and geralt just goes all soft on tv.

and of course jaskier watches all of his interviews and when he sees that one he tears up because he didn’t realize geralt thought he made fun of him on stage. he heard his voice sometimes on the tv or geralts phone but he hadn’t put together it was only his older comedy and jaskier breaks a little when he talks to geralt about it. jaskier asks why he would agree to a partner who he thought made fun of him in front of thousands of people and geralt says he never did it to his face, or seemed unhappy so what’s the problem?

and to fix that jaskier writes a new set that is scathing about hollywood. he makes jokes about actors and actresses who were mean to geralt or producers and directors who asked him to do things he didn’t want to or take advantage of actresses. netflix approaches him to film the special and he writes an intro song about geralt that leads into it and jaskier rants about men in bars that geralt stand up to even if the women he helps don’t appreciate it because they’re drunk and scared of him. or when they get called f*gs in target grocery shopping and other awful things and jaskier is just feral and angry on stage and it’s absolutely ruthless comedy. he kills it.

so when it comes time to do press for the show, he fires his agent and gets geralt to do press with him. and almost immediately people like geralt. seeing someone so bestotted and amused where he had only ever been cast as cold and angry gave him an overnight following. jaskier made him approachable, or at least showed others he had always been safe to approach. and so with chaotic feral jaskier snapping witty remarks back and forth with talk show hosts geralt would sit with a slight smile, a bark of laughter and occasionally a sardonic or sarcastic line that would earn him a blinding smile from jaskier and audiences went wild for it. and geralt just sits there and appreciates this man who singlehandedly turned his career around and went after hollywood for him.

so maybe geralt gets cast in kinder roles and maybe jaskier posts little things on his instagram of geralt crying while watching the movie spirit or drunkenly telling roach he loves her. and when they get engaged or people accidentally find out they’re engaged jaskier couldn’t be happier because the whole damn world knows geralt is his and it doesn’t matter if he tanks a comedy career because he would burn hollywood to ash for this man.

anyway thank you for coming to my TEDtalk if someone wants to write this tag me!