#taem colors and plays with chalk bc its smooth and dusty and relaxing and happy and fun

[katrinawritesthings]

Jonghyun/Taemin; relatable; PG

when ur talking to an old kinda friend nd u find out that u both go to the same mental institution

“Oh,” Jonghyun says quietly. His cheeks are slowly heating up darker and he’s not meeting Taemin’s eyes, teeth pressing into his bottom lip. Taemin bites his own lip. Hmm. He always forgets that other people aren’t as open about being fucked up as he is.

“Hey, um,” he says. “I can pretend I don’t know, if you want,” he offers.

also hey guess who’s cross-posting to ao3 it’s me

Taemin swirls his mini m&ms around his strawberry ice cream slowly, watching the way they leave darker red streaks in the pink. Glancing up, he checks that his dad is still a few steps in front of him and hasn’t wandered off into some other store without telling him like he usually does. He’s tired of being lost in the mall. Once he’s sure that he’s not, he takes in more of his surroundings. Starbucks up ahead, Gamestop next to it, some shoe store across, the sweet factory sadly downstairs, someone sitting on a lonely bench in the corner next to the music store….

Taemin slows a beat, doing a doubletake at the human he just saw. They look like--he is Jonghyun sitting there with his nose buried in his phone, trademark undercut and sleeveless shirt and everything. Huh. Neat. He makes a snap decision and jogs up a little bit to tug on his dad’s sleeve.

“Hey,” he says. “Hey--I just saw a friend from school.” He points vaguely in Jonghyun’s area with his spoon when his father looks over. “I’m gonna go sit with him, yeah?” Friend might be a bit of a stretch but he just tagged along here for free ice cream and some notebooks and shit for when school starts again in a few weeks, both of which they’ve already gotten. Whatever his dad needs to do here he can do on his own. He nibbles on his spoon as his dad squints at Jonghyun and then shrugs.

“Sure,” he says. “Stay there,” he adds, waving Taemin off. Taemin hisses in victory and steps off immediately, making a beeline for Jonghyun. It occurs to him halfway there that Jonghyun might not want to talk to him or even really remember who he is, but it’s too late now.

As he approaches, Jonghyun glances up from his phone, looks away, and then does a doubletake not unlike the one Taemin just did a minute ago. Taemin waves, reminding himself to smile at least for a moment, and breathes a soft sigh of relief when Jonghyun smiles and waves back. He’s welcome. Nice.

“Hey,” he says, sitting down next to Jonghyun but a comfortable distance away. “Nice seeing you.”

“Yeah, uh, you too,” Jonghyun says. “New piercings?” he asks. He nods at Taemin’s ears with a curious little look; Taemin lifts his hand to gently touch the three rings in his lobe.

“I mean, kind of,” he shrugs. “I got them before junior year but we didn’t really see each other a lot last year, so.” he shrugs again and Jonghyun nods, an accepting little thing. They were more “pass each other in the halls and smile” friends last year than “we share a class” friends like they were their first two years of high school. “Are you just here alone?” he asks. Solitude would sound nice if Taemin wasn’t lowkey terrified of getting lost. Jonghyun shakes his head, though, gesturing towards the music store.

“With my mom and sis,” he says. “They exiled me out here so they could get me a late birthday present.” A tiny smile tugs up his lips as he says it. Taemin feels a smile on the inside that he doesn’t really bother transferring to his face.

“Cool,” he says. “I came here for the free ice cream.” He holds up his cup and spoon and wiggles his eyebrows as Jonghyun laughs softly. He watches Jonghyun turn to squint down at the end of the mall where the ice cream parlor is with a little hum. He bets he knows where he’s gonna take his mom and sis next.

“So how’s you summer been?” Jonghyun asks as he turns around. Taemin blinks with a spoon of ice cream in his mouth, kind of caught off guard at the sudden extra smalltalk.

“Um,” he says, and swallows thickly. “Okay,” he shrugs. “Mostly videogames inside and Jinki making me play videogames outside.” Honestly Jinki is the best neighbor friend he could ask for. Letting him do what he wants but making sure he doesn’t get all pale or whatever. Good shit. “You?” he asks. Jonghyun shrugs as well.

“The same, pretty much,” he says. “More guitar, less outside. I did spend a week up at Northern North Meadows, though,” he adds. He cocks a brow and gives Taemin a winning smile like Taemin is supposed to be impressed and jealous of a rad campground vacation, but the name Jonghyun said brings a different thought to his mind entirely.

“The mental institution?” he asks. Jonghyun’s smile falters; he looks away and then looks back quickly, insecurity obvious in his eyes even as he tries to smile again way too late to be believable.

“Uh,” he says, “no, uh, the. Like, the campground, you know, with the--how did you know?” His fingers curl nervously in his shirt collar, but the little pout on his lips is resigned and ashamed. Taemin stirs his melting ice cream slowly, not really seeing what the problem is.

“I’ve been in and out of there for years,” he says. “I know that North Meadows is the campground and Northern North Meadows is what people at the hospital call it as an inside joke.” The actual institution has a different name but it and the campground are right next to each other and it’s been a little thing between all of the patients as long as Taemin can remember.

“Oh,” Jonghyun says quietly. His cheeks are slowly heating up darker and he’s not meeting Taemin’s eyes, teeth pressing into his bottom lip. Taemin bites his own lip. Hmm. He always forgets that other people aren’t as open about being fucked up as he is.

“Hey, um,” he says. “I can pretend I don’t know, if you want,” he offers. Jonghyun looks up at him with big, wide eyes, but before long he sighs and lowers them again.

“No, it’s… fine, since you’ve been there too, I guess,” he mumbles. “At least you know what it’s like.” He leans back against the bench, staring at his knees, his fingers twiddling inside of his hoodie pocket. Taemin sucks an m&m off of his spoon and thinks. He’s not feeling awkward at all but he’s sure that Jonghyun is. Maybe he fucked up. He should say something about the place to make Jonghyun feel less bad about it.

“Did you meet Yunie?” he asks. He loves Yunie.

“Who?” Jonghyun asks. His eyebrows have a cute little scrunch in them when he looks up.

“Yunho,” Taemin clarifies. “One of the orderlies. He’s kinda tall, dark hair, really soothing voice.”

“Oh, yeah, yeah,” Jonghyun says. Now he’s smiling, nodding and looking fond of whatever memories he’s having. Taemin smiles a quick second of a smile himself, proud that his plan worked. “He helped me a lot with just… believing myself,” he says. “Taking myself seriously and knowing that I’m not faking, you know.”

“Mmhmm,” Taemin hums. He’s super good at validation. “Every time I come back he sits and talks with me for a little bit at least.” It’s what he appreciates the most about the whole institution. Jonghyun nods, one hand out of his pocket and resting on the back of the bench.

“It’s a good place to go back to if you need to?” he asks. His fingers tap on the plastic and his bottom lip is between his teeth again.

“Yeah,” Taemin says. “I’m--well, I’m a lot of things,” he mumbles. A whole cocktail of disorders. “But I usually just go there when I get super low in my depression,” he says. Usually it’s a safety thing, other times it’s just to decompress before he gets that low. “I’m sure there are better places but it’s the best one I’ve been to, so.” He shrugs. His parents aren’t gonna pay for some super high quality, five-star hospital for him to spend days or weeks or months at, so he settles with the three-and-three-quarter star place. It works for him.

“Mmm,” Jonghyun hums. He lifts his other hand to twiddle his fingers together again. “Because, um. I’m new to the whole thing, because I finally turned eighteen a few months ago and can actually admit myself, so.” He shrugs more and Taemin pauses for a moment, thinking, before he suddenly remembers.

“Oh, right,” he says, pointing at Jonghyun with his spoon. “Has your shitty dad fucked off yet?” He remembers Jonghyun complaining at him one time a few years ago about his father not letting him go to the doctor for anything physical; of course that extended to mental shit as well. It’s good that Jonghyun can finally get the help he needs. After a few moments of him digging in his ice cream for another m&m he realizes Jonghyun hasn’t replied yet; looking up, he sees Jonghyun kind of just looking at him, eyes a little wide.

“Oh,” he says. He rubs his nose with the back of his hand. There he goes, being all blunt again. “Sorry, uh, should I have not said that?” he asks. He never knows why he’s supposed to avoid obvious things, but at least usually he remembers to not do it anyway. He doesn’t know why he’s fucked up twice today. Jonghyun looks at him for another moment before he shakes his head and shrugs.

“No, that’s fine too,” he says. “He hasn’t,” he adds with a grumble. “Mom’s been, like, talking about divorce more lately, though,” he says next. He nods an eager little nod with a tiny smile. “So maybe soon.”

“Here’s hoping,” Taemin says, lifting his ice cream in a little half-assed toast. Jonghyun chuckles softly and nods.

“Anyway,” he says. “You would recommend it?” he asks.

“Mmhmm,” Taemin says. “Unless you can try some of the more expensive ones,” he shrugs. “I hear Misty Hills is really good.” He hears they get jello that isn’t sugar-free. And, like, better psychiatrists and softer beds and more staff and whatever, but the jello is what’s important to him. Jonghyun scoffs lightly, shaking his head.

“I can’t afford that shit,” he grins. “I had to pay to admit myself.”

“Oh, yikes,” Taemin says. Add another point to Jonghyun’s dad being shit.

“Mmhmm,” Jonghyun says. “Mom helped a little and sis drove me there and back, but. Still.” He shrugs, one hand rubbing over the back of his head where his undercut is buzzed in. Taemin hums in understanding. He knows that Jonghyun’s family isn't that well-off to begin with. It’s sweet that they helped him. And, speaking of them, he sees the two of them walking out of the music store behind Jonghyun. They’re both as cute and similar to Jonghyun as he remembers. Jonghyun turns around too after a moment; he must have noticed Taemin looking over his shoulder. “Oh,” he says.

“We’re back,” Jonghyun’s mom says. She jiggles a bag from the store in her hand and Jonghyun smiles at it, obviously giddy and excited for whatever present is inside of it.

“Hey,” his sister says. She’s looking at Taemin with a fond little smile. “You’re. That one kid. That came over that one time.”

“Oh my god,” Jonghyun whispers. He puts his face in his hands, but Taemin laughs, muffling it into his sleeve. He knew he liked her for a reason.

“Taemin,” he reminds her. He doesn’t remember her name either so it’s not like they’re any different.

“Right,” she says. “Nice to see you.”

“Mmhmm,” Taemin hums.

“Mom, can we get ice cream?” Jonghyun asks quickly. Taemin keeps smiling, amused at the little blushies that have returned to his cheeks. He stands up, but faces Taemin as he straightens out his hoodie.

“Yeah, sure,” his mom says. She fixes his hair out of his eyes, then turns to Taemin when Jonghyun lifts his hands to fix it himself. “Do you want to come with us, Taemin?” she asks. “We don’t mind.”

“Oh, uh,” Taemin says. Honestly he wants to, but he kind of can’t. “My dad told me to stay here,” he says. He should’ve told him that they should meet up in the food court later or something. Damn it.

“Oh, well, okay,” Jonghyun’s mom says. “You have a nice day then.”

“You too,” Taemin says. “Bye Jonghyun.”

“Bye,” Jonghyun says, voice and smile and wave all small. Taemin waves lazily back.   

“See you in school, or, like, wherever else,” he says. Jonghyun hesitates, then nods back, giving him a bigger smile of understanding. They leave him then to head to the other side of the mall and Taemin pulls out his phone to see if he still has Jonghyun’s number. He thinks he’d like if if both of them were at the institution at the same time. They could be fucked up together.