#takatomo

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Takato Nagata -  Taka Talk tour 2019 - Fan Event Can Badge 

Size: 6 cm  

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[peoplewearingblackmeans]

Masatomo Ariga (Right) (?) wearing 20471120 via Fruits Mag, Vol No. 32 (2000)

[inochinoyomikata]

Inochi no Tabekata 2 ch 1-1 Translation

Part #1 — Thousands of Miles to the End of Fiction | liar sincere lie

“If we leave ordinary people who are smeared with sins and remain unaware of their sins and stick to the sidelines, won’t we end up guilty of the same crime? Rather than washing our hands, if we don’t mind getting our hands dirty, could we even change the world?”

—”X-fes.” S’s remarks.

1-1 Otogiri Tobi– Can’t Eat the Childrens’ Lunch

When the sweaty Harimoto-sensei came back with a desk and a chair, Asahi Monika ordered him to carry it to the very back window, behind Takatomo Miyuki’s seat. No one objected, so for the time being, it became the transfer student’s seat.

Tobi’s seat was third from the front by the window. If he didn’t turn around almost directly behind him, he couldn’t see Asahi. He didn’t need to bother looking, but he was strangely curious. That said, he also felt like she might be a bit of an annoyance when he saw her. There was no substantiated basis. But something bad was about to happen.

When the first class started, the teacher in charge of Japanese asked him to show the textbook to the student next to him. It would be appropriate instruction for a transfer student.

“It’s fine.”

However, Asahi simply refused.

“I’ve heard a lot about what you’ve been saying, so as long as you teach it properly, I’ll be fine.”

“I see…”

This teacher also suddenly withdrew. They were not a timid teacher. Even though they were the type to speak clearly, they seemed to be pressured by Asahi.

The transfer student had something like a power. As for being overbearing, it was not that she was like that, but there’s no curse on the god’s who don’t bother. For example, you don’t want to set foot in a graveyard at night, even if you don’t expect to see ghosts. It feels ominous somehow. The feeling that the transfer student has was similar to that.

In the first hour, the students of Class 2-3 were uncomfortably quiet. It was definitely the transfer student’s fault. It was not just the students. Even Baku was silent. It wouldn’t be an exaggeration to say that this was an abnormal situation, considering that there were few people who even tried to see how the transfer student was doing.

Even after it was over, the classroom remained empty and lifeless.

Tobi shifted his body slightly to the side and turned around. He couldn’t see the transfer student’s face. She was lying on her desk with her arm pillow. Thanks to that, he could see her hair.

“Didn’t she talk big because she could see everything…?”

Baku said in amazement.

For a moment, the transfer student’s hair seemed to wriggle.

Was it a coincidence?

Maybe it was no coincidence.

Ryuuko was walking back and forth in the back classroom. About Ryuuko. He wondered if she was trying to talk to the transfer student. She wanted to talk, but the other wasn’t just a transfer student. Was it difficult for her to make the decision?

This wasn’t the first time a transfer student had come to Tobi’s class. He wasn’t interested, so he didn’t remember clearly, but he thought it had happened twice in the past. It was a vague memory, but past transfer students had gained popularity by being bombarded with questions.

If she was a normal transfer student, it wouldn’t be strange to have a circle of people around this time. Since the transfer student was Asahi Monika, they left a wake or something. Asamiya Shinobu approached.

“So, was that…”

“What is it?”

“One character, that character is the same.”

“‘Asa’?”

“Yes.”

Asamiya had an extremely sour face. Apparently he didn’t have a good impression of the transfer student.

“Miyu Takatomo’s seat, like that…”

At first, Tobi didn’t understand what Asamiya was trying to say. After thinking about it for a moment, he vaguely understood.

Since she lived nearby, Asamiya seemed to have been childhood friends with Takatomo, who was in the hospital. Asahi forced her seat behind Takatomo’s seat. Even if Takatomo came back, she wouldn’t be able to sit in that small space. 

Tobi didn’t believe that the transfer student had any ill intentions. However, he was under no obligation to defend the transfer student. If he took the transfer student’s side, he’d end up hurting Asamiya. He was reluctant to do that. Asamiya must be worried about Takatomo from the bottom of his heart. But many of their classmates weren't. Tobi was the same. Tobi wasn’t to the point of worrying because he didn’t know much about Takatomo Miyuki.

However, he thought it would be good if he could encourage Asamiya.

What should he say?

‘I hope Takatomo gets well soon,’ or something like that?

He couldn’t say those words.

“Sorry, Otogiri.”

Asamiya lowered his head and apologized in a thin voice.

“I’m strangely annoyed…”

“Why not?”

“Huh?”

“It’s frustrating, it’s not weird.”

For some reason, Tobi couldn’t look straight at Asamiya's face. When he looked to the back of the classroom, Ryuuko was still walking back and forth.

“I don’t think you’re weird.”

“...yeah.”

Asamiya sniffled a bit. Then he laughed briefly as if he had deceived him. 

“But that Shiratama is strange.”

“Aah…”

Tobi couldn’t deny that.

Ryuuko was a weird person in general, and that back and forth was completely eccentric.

“But she must be serious.”

“Then would it be bad to stop her?”

“What do you think… Ah–”

Now Ryuuko took two steps forward at once. She got a lot closer to the transfer student. Should she continue like that?

He wondered if she would go.

However, the next moment, Ryuuko took two steps back and dropped her shoulders, perhaps disappointed in her own cowardice.

Tobi exchanged glances with Asamiya.

She was just one breath away.

“....huh.” Asamiya said, and Tobi responded, “yeah…”

After that, Ryuuko tried to talk to the transfer student every time she had free time. The morning classes ended without a single accomplishment.

+++ + ++++

Even though the transfer student suddenly appeared, Tobi’s daily life didn’t change. As usual, his school lunch was eaten up in no time other than the staple food. Tobi grabbed the bun and pulled Baku in his hand, and quickly left the classroom.

He was able to enter the courtyard, which was off limits. But as expected, he didn’t feel like going up to the roof. There were several benches without backrests in the courtyard. Tobi sat down on a bench with Baku on his shoulder and began to eat his bread.

“That’s good, Tobi. You’re good. When it’s time to eat, you’re able to find something to eat. But. Do you really understand how blessed and happy you are? There are those like me who can’t find food no matter how hungry they are all over the world. It’s not a joke. We’re in the billions. I guess you know that. You know that, oi?”

“...You’re noisy, honestly.”

“No. I’m not being noisy. I’m not feeling well. That’s not true. After all, I’m starving. That’s why I’m downtrodden, downtrodden. Right now I’m downtrodden. The power to be annoying is also honest. A hungry Baku is quiet.”

“Where’s the quiet?”

Tobi finished eating the koppepan while Baku was sucking up.

“My voice volume is 70 percent less than usual, isn’t it?”

“It’s loud enough, but…”

“Then shut up.”

“Please.”

“Huh. It’s okay? It’s really okay for me to shut up, is it? Won’t you regret it?”

“I won’t.”

“Absolutely sure?”

“Yeah. Absolutely.”

“You’re lying. Tobi, you’ll definitely regret it. I’m the one who said that, so it’s not wrong. I’m not a ruthless demon enough to make you do something I know you’ll regret. It’s boring to keep quiet…”

“I don’t think you could keep quiet all the time.”

“I could stay that way. I could afford it. If it’s three days, two days, one day, or half a day, I could do it.”

“But that’s getting less and less.”

“I’m always quiet when you’re sleeping, aren’t I?”

“Speaking of which, is that it? Then, seven hours is the limit for Baku to keep silent?”

“Eight hours is manageable.”

“Half a day is impossible…”

Tobi kept his mouth shut when he sensed someone. When he looked, he saw a man in work clothes walking from the parking lot across the courtyard, not from inside the school building.

“Oh, isn’t that Haizaki?”

“...Good afternoon.”

Haizaki gave a nod with a smirk and a troubled expression on his face.

Tobi knew that this man was more than just a janitor. He was a janitor who could see zingai. He didn’t just see that. Haizaki had a weasel-like zingai named Oruba. Apparently, he knew a lot about zingai. If he felt like it, he could rely on him. That’s what he said. How should Tobi interact with this janitor? He honestly didn’t know. He wondered if Haizaki also had some sort of hesitation. It was a strangely half hearted attitude.

“Do you want something from me?”

“....Umm, yeah. That’s right. Uhh, that’s right. There’s a transfer student in your class…”

“She came. This morning.”

“About that transfer student…”

Haizaki folded his arms and frowned.

“No, but, that’s, umm…”

“What’s with this guy? Is there something wrong with him?”

Baku said with a smirk. It was true that Haizaki looked strange. When the transfer student showed up at the side door leading out of the school building into the courtyard, his behavior became even more suspicious.

“Gah,” Haizaki yelled and braced himself. Immediately followed by “no, no,” he shook his head and looked at Tobi. He was about to say something, but without saying anything, he brushed off his pants with both hands. After a cat was startled, it would groom itself in an attempt to regain composure. It was somewhat similar to that model. 

Lunch time wasn’t over yet. However, the transfer student appeared. It was not her obligation to tell Tobi, who was eating bread here, but the question of why arose. Besides, was the transfer student walking straight towards Tobi?

Haizaki’s reaction was also strange. Could it be that the two knew each other? A transfer student attending this school for the first time and the janitor of the junior high school. It was kind of a strange combination.

The transfer student sat down in the open space on the bench where Tobi was sitting. Then she turned her sleepy eyes to Tobi.

“Here, okay?”

“...You’re already sitting, aren’t you?”

“That’s right.”

Asahi Monika covered her mouth with one hand and yawned. Without removing her hand, she muttered, “You’re right.”

“Ah—”

As if Haizaki had made up his mind, he puffed out his chest and called to the transfer student.

“Oh, Asahi-san. Still, that… that’s it? It’s… lunch time, you know…”

“Why are you telling me that?”

Asahi pressed her hands against the bench and cast a look as though she were looking at something dirty.

“Oji-san.”

“...Oji-san, is that right? It’s true…”

Haizaki shrugged his shoulders. He was a timid, busy adult with bravado.

“Are you her uncle?”

When Tobi asked, Haizaki seemed unsure at that point, saying “eh?” with a laugh.

“Does it look like that?”

“Huh? Ohh…”

Haizaki seemed to have understood Tobi’s question correctly. He panicked and he waved “No, no.”

“We don’t have a blood relationship? Not even distant relatives. I’m not that kind of old man. What is it, just an uncle? Another middle-aged man. Middle aged… I’d like to think I haven’t entered that realm yet…”

“But, if you look at it from a fourteen year old flower’s point of view.”

This girl called Asahi Monika was elusive. She seemed to make fun of Haizaki, and on the other hand, she seemed to feel a certain degree of familiarity with Haizaki. Were the two complete strangers? Tobi didn’t see it that way. If so, what were they? Why was Asahi here now, to begin with?

“School is a strange place.”

Asahi said softly.

“Children who are so different from each other are gathered in one place and made to do the same things just because they’re similar in age. Efficiency may be good, but it's not unbearable.”

To whom were those words addressed? He felt like asking. But he didn’t want to get too involved with this transfer student. She was clearly a troublesome person.

“Well…”

Haizaki cleared his throat.

“Collective action. It’s necessary to some extent. We’re social animals. We Homo sapiens are. In order to cultivate the minimum level of sociality, it’s an appropriate system…”

“Oji-san is trying to act like an adult by saying something proper.”

“I-I am an adult? I’m a proper member of society…”

“You don’t seem confident.”

“Yes.”

Haizaki’s momentum was only good at the beginning.

“...Yes. I make a decent living. I even cook for myself.”

“I can cook, Oji-san. Surprisingly.”

“It may seem that way, but I do it pretty diligently. I can make things that aren’t that bad. Okonomiyaki, and takoyaki, and other things.”

“That’s just powder.”

“I like them!”

“Tobi?”

The transfer student suddenly started talking to him, so he almost answered “I—” What was Tobi trying to answer? What was the content of the question?”

“...Tobi?”

Tobi pointed at himself.

The transfer student nodded.

“Tobi.”

“...What?”

“What is it?”

“Uhh—”

Tobi thought about it carefully. Baku was also twisting his neck, “nunu…?” As if the backpack had a neck, though. Asahi stared at Tobi. Rather than staring at one point, it felt like she was staring at Tobi’s whole body.

“...Was I not calling you? Boy(1).”

“Is that it?”

Asahi didn’t change her expression. She was a bit strange. She said school was a strange place. But this transfer student was definitely much weirder than school.

A chime rang. Lunch time was over. It was lunch break.

“Oji-san, you’ve been wasting time here for a while.”

Asahi shrugged her shoulders.

“Do you have that much free time?”

Haizaki frowned and pressed his forehead with both hands.

“...That’s right. I need to work.”

“Good luck.”

When Asahi waved her hands as if to ward off flies or something, Haizaki trudged away.

Before long, the students started chatting and running around the courtyard. What on earth was the girl with buns in her hair doing, coming out the side door of the school building, retreats, and turning back when she thinks she was out?

“O-Ryuu…”

Baku sighed “haa…” despite being a backpack.

There was a low scarlet sound in her throat. Did she laugh? When he looked up, Asahi was staring in the direction of the side door. With her legs crossed, she leaned forward and rested her chin on her knees.

“You didn’t give your name. Boy.”

“Yeah.”

Asahi looked at Tobi sideways without nodding and answered.

“Tobi. You didn’t give your name.”

+++ + ++++

I don’t understand.

In the end, Tobi stayed in the courtyard until the end of lunch break. He had been sitting side-by-side on the same bench as the transfer. They were together. He couldn’t help but say that. It didn’t matter what she was doing. He exchanged little meaningful conversation. He could have left the transfer student and gone somewhere else, but she didn’t and gone somewhere else, but he didn’t have any particular intentions. Tobi leaving the bench was a little different, and it felt a bit frustrating. Why did Tobi have to yield to Asahi? If he was going somewhere, wasn’t that the place?

The transfer student didn’t seem to think about what came next or what happened next, and surprisingly he seemed to think so. Somehow, she seemed quite strong. While pretending she didn’t care, was she really a sore loser? As for Asahi Monika, Tobi didn’t know.

He was curious.

There was something about the transfer person that Tobi couldn’t help but get stuck on.

If he asked that person directly, it would be quick. But, it might be Tobi’s misunderstanding. If it was not, it would be crazy.

And for now, he didn’t think Asahi was an honest person. No matter what Asahi’s answer to Tobi’s question was, it might be a lie.

Whatever’s bothering him, just forget about it. She was just a transfer student. It happened that she became a classmate today. That’s it. She didn’t speak to him, there were many classmates who didn’t even say hello. In fact, in Tobi's case, most of his classmates were like that. Asahi Monika was just one of them, so he shouldn’t get involved.

In fifth hour while he was thinking about such things, Ryuuko raised her hand.

“...Sensei. Excuse me.”

“Shiratama-san? What happened?”

When the female social studies teacher interrupted her writing on the blackboard and turned around, Ryuuko closed her eyes with her right hand raised and said “nnnn…” for a while.

“Shi-Shiratama-san?”

When the female teacher was about to step down from the podium, Ryuuko held out her right hand forward.

“No, it’s okay, it’s okay… um… I don’t think it’s that big of a deal, so I’m fine…”

“Are you sure?”

“...Yeah, but I feel a little… very unwell, so I’m terribly sorry, but can I sit down and go to the infirmary…”

“O-Of course.”

“I don’t think something like this should happen, but I can’t help it… I’m sorry… I was really looking forward to your class, and I’m heartbroken…”

“That’s fine, Shiratama-san, hurry up and go to the infirmary. Someone, please accompany her.”

The female teacher looked around the classroom. Tobi was about to lift out of his chair, he asked himself.

Going?

Accompany?

Take Ryuuko to the infirmary? Myself?

“No!”

Ryuuko stood up from her seat with a strong tone of affirmation.

“I’m sorry for the inconvenience. Please, please, let me go to the infirmary alone. I’m not a child anymore. I’m too old to eat the children’s lunch.”

“...O-Okay?”

The female teacher was confused. Ryuuko immediately answered “yes!” and started walking.

“No, even adults can eat the children’s lunch…”

Asamiya muttered quietly. She’s right, Tobi was impressed. When was the last time he ate a children’s lunch? It was a distant memory, but a long time ago, he went out to eat with his brother several times. At that time, he vaguely remembered asking for a children’s lunch.

Ryuuko left the classroom with a firm gait, or rather, a walking style that was too firm, like a marching soldier.

Baku growled.

“That, I’m sure she’ll be fine. That O-Ryuu guy…”

If this wasn’t while in class or the classroom, Tobi would have agreed. Maybe he should chase Ryuuko.

---

(1) She’s saying “Boku” (僕) here which is normally a first person pronoun, but can also be a second person pronoun that refers to boys.

[italiantnea]

#3-5_otogiri_tobi/ someday, the end of the world

prev: 3-4 // next: e-book bonus

-----

“Otogiri…”

The teacher with black-rimmed glasses in front of the school gate called out. Tobi stopped.

“Good morning, Yagarashima-sensei.”

“...O-oh hey. What, Otogiri?”

“I have to use this backpack—”

Tobi gestured to Baku on his back.

“It has to be this one. I’m sorry about making sensei unhappy all the time.”

“I’m not particularly unhappy about it…”

“Is that so. Well, thanks for the hard work every morning.”

“Y-yeah. I mean, it’s my job so…”

Tobi bowed his head slightly to the staff before entering the school gates.

“Hmm…”Baku hummed.

“Is this what they call a change of heart?”

“...I just felt like it.”

Around the shoe box, Shiratama was waiting. Tobi changed his shoes and walked to the classroom with Shiratama. Shiratama seemed like she wanted to say something, but couldn't find the words. It was the same for Tobi. He caught sight of Asamiya’s figure in the classroom, and felt relieved. Shiratama probably felt the same.

In the morning homeroom period, their homeroom teacher Harimoto talked about Kon. Kon was absent today as well, and it would take a little while longer before she recovered. That was all. He didn't talk about Takatomo.

Murahama and Shimomaeda, who’d been close to Kon, joined a group of other girls and boys. Masamune, a.k.a. Masaki Shuuji, was messing around energetically, making the students in that group laugh. Asamiya had an unpleasant look on his face.

He demolished his lunch in seconds, leaving just the Koppe-pan. Tobi shouldered Baku and left the classroom with the bread in hand.

Entry into the courtyard was still off limits. As he tried to go outside through the front entrance, it started raining. It couldn't be helped. Tobi squatted in front of the shoe box and ate his bread.

“The world turns, huh?” Baku grumbled.

Tobi finished his Koppe-pan in a flash.

“What was that?”

“Just a feeling, you know. Don't you get it? At least get this much.”

What Baku was trying to say was probably this:

Such things had happened to Takatomo and Kon, yet other people were already quickly getting back to their ordinary lives. If Tobi were to disappear today, it would have no effect on the revolution of the Earth. It would keep on turning without fail. The world turned. One by one, everyone continued living their lives as usual.

Beyond the transparent glass door of the entrance, thin drops of rain fell. He couldn't hear the sound of the rain.

As meal time ended and lunch break began, someone approached the shoe box. That someone squatted beside Tobi.

The two of them gazed at the rain.

“Did you look it up?”

Tobi asked the girl beside him without looking at her.

“On your phone… like on the internet?”

“About the zingai?”

The girl asked in return. When Tobi nodded, she replied, “A little.”

“Did you find out anything?”

“Ghosts or spirits, yokai, fairies— apparently their true form is actually zingai. And also, the strange phenomena spoken of in urban legends—those have to do with zingai as well.”

“So a bit of everything.”

Tobi laughed dryly. The girl laughed too. Tobi looked beside him. Shiratama looked at Tobi as well.

“So me and Chinu are on the same level as monsters?”

Baku let out a “Tch” as if he were clicking his tongue. Shiratama stroked him, as if to say, “Now, now.”

“There are some people who want to connect everything and anything to zingai. At the end of the day, only the people that can see zingai can see them, after all.”

“Like Tobi and O-Ryuu? At least that part seems correct.”

“Those who can't see are the majority, so there’s a lot of people who aren't taking it seriously too. Like the occult—”

“Baku is part of the occult?”

As Tobi muttered, Baku went wild. Even though he had no legs, it was like he was trying to kick him. That, or he was trying to hit him. Once again, Shiratama stroked Baku, pacifying him.

“I haven't tried SNS before. Maybe I’ll try signing up next time.”

“Well, I don't have a smartphone.”

“It’s convenient to have one.”

“Is that the sort of thing it is?”

“Well, you can stay in contact no matter where you go.”

Even in the facility, it was not rare for residents to have smartphones. Those who messaged or called friends all night long would get a warning issued from the staff.

“If anything happens—”

Shiratama looked outside.

“We can talk. Anytime…”

“Mm…”

Tobi nodded halfheartedly.

“Keh!”

Baku seemed like he wanted to say something. If he had something to say he could just say it.

“Ah, that’s right.”

Shiratama pulled her phone out of her skirt pocket. She tapped the screen and launched an app. Tobi looked at the screen.

“You can look at maps like these, too. You can zoom in and out. And you can change the direction in any way you like.”

“Ahh, that’s amazing.”

“You’d never get lost again.”

“Um, Shiratama, are you trying to sell it to me…?”

“I wouldn't dream of it!”

The strangely old fashioned words suddenly came out of Shiratama, and Tobi felt like bursting out laughing. Shiratama looked stupefied.

“So the map,” Tobi murmured.

“And you can contact people.”

Shiratama fiddled with her phone and repeated her words from earlier.

“...Do you find me persistent?”

Tobi shook his head.

“Not at all.”

The rain was growing stronger. It looked like it was about to thunder.

“There was something on my mind—”

Shiratama spoke, then hesitated. When Tobi prompted, “What?”, Shiratama turned off her phone screen and took a breath.

“It’s about the voice.”

There was one part that came to mind. Tobi felt a little caught on it as well.

“You mean, the one that said “Aren't you weird?”, that voice?”

Takatomo and Kon had heard something akin to auditory hallucinations. As their mental health crumbled, it was possible for such things to arise. But it hadn't just been Takatomo. It wasn't just Kon either. Both of them had heard a similar voice. Shiratama looked down and bit her bottom lip lightly.

“I just don't think it was a trick of the ears or a hallucination…”

Baku let out a “Haah…” as if sighing.

Takatomo hadn't regained consciousness. And what about Kon? Her future was unclear. But it was settled, for now. Wasn't that it?

The world continued turning.

If it hadn't been a hallucination, then whose voice had it been?

In the afternoon classroom, you could hear the sound of rain even without straining your ears. From time to time, lightning flashed in the distant sky. A second later, thunder rumbled, and Masamuune would say something, making people laugh. Then, the teacher would warn them to be quiet.

Tobi checked in on the nearby Asamiya frequently. Asamiya had textbooks and notes open on his desk. But mostly, he just looked downwards. It was like he carried an invisible boulder on his back, and was trying his best to bear its weight. That was what it looked like.

Whenever Masamune spoke, Asamiya would lift his face slightly. He would turn and glance at Masamune. After that, Asamiya would shake his head, or heave a deep breath. Tobi couldn't hear what, but sometimes he would mutter something under his breath.

Right after fifth period ended, there was a particularly loud clap of thunder, and Masamune fell from his chair with an “Uhyaa!” year 2 class 3 roared with laughter, and even the departing teacher laughed.

“It’s not me!”

It was sudden. Asamiya stood up and glared at Masamune.

The laughter stopped all at once. Masamune sat on his ass, his mouth dropping open.

“You’re the one who’s weird!”

Who was the ‘you’ Asamiya was talking to? Of course, it was Masamune, wasn't it?

With the say no evil monkey that resembled a tarsier with tree bark-like skin on his head, Masamune was indeed weird. But that was because Tobi could see that zingai. Disregarding the zingai, Masamune was just a simple class clown.

“I’m not weird!”

Asamiya’s shout sounded like a howl.

“I’m not weird! I’m not weird! I’m not weird! Stop it…! I’m not weird, I’m not weird at all! It’s not me, you’re the ones that are weird! It’s not me! I’m not weird! I’m not weird! I’m not! I’m not weird, I’m not weird, I’m not weird! I am not weird…!”

“....Uh, objectively speaking, I think you really are being weird right now though?”

Masamune smiled tightly, and taking that as a joke, some of their classmates laughed reservedly. Asamiya started hitting both sides of his head with his hands.

“Shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up! Who are you! I’m not weird! You’re the ones that’re weird, you’re weird, not me!”

“A-asamiya-kun…!”

Shiratama ran up to Asamiya.

“Tobi—”

At almost the exact same moment, Baku called out to him. Tobi noticed it. When had it happened? He wasn't sure, but he noticed in that moment. It was the say no evil monkey.

Right now, that unsettling zingai sat plopped on Masamune’s head. But it was no longer the say no evil monkey.

Its pose with the covered mouth resembled the ‘say no evil’ from Nikko Tosho-gu’s three wise monkeys, so that’s what Tobi had called it. But that was no longer the case. It wasn't covering its mouth. To be exact, normally there would have been a mouth there. But it was missing that part. There was nothing there. It had eyes like a tarsier’s. Ears and a nose too. But no mouth. Was it missing one from the very beginning? Or had it disappeared? Whichever it was, that zingai had kept its nonexistent mouth covered. Why had it stopped making that pose?

Asamiya pushed Shiratama aside.

“—...”

Shiratama crashed into a nearby desk and staggered. Asamiya’s upper body lurched forward with great momentum, then immediately bent backwards. He repeated the movement.

“UUUUUuuuAAAAAAAaaaAAAaaAAAAaaAAaaa…!”

The students were distressed. Some ran away, frightened. It was a panic. Of course, Tobi was shocked as well. Asamiya. What had happened to him? He was screaming that he hadn't gone weird. As if he were being told “You are weird”, and was arguing against it.

Who had told Asamiya such a thing?

At the very least, Tobi could not hear it. Could Asamiya hear it? Only Asamiya.

Tobi saw him. It was Masamune. Masaki Shuuji covered his mouth with both hands.

In place of his zingai, Masamune assumed the pose of the ‘say no evil’ monkey.

“....That bastard!” Baku spat.

Masamune’s eyes were narrowed, his shoulders shaking. What was so delightful about this? He was laughing. Masamune seemed ready to burst out laughing, desperately trying to keep it together.

Tobi grabbed Baku from where he hung on his desk. If Tobi left him behind, Baku would surely never forgive him. Tobi darted in between the desks, chairs, and other classmates. Masamune noticed him and widened his eyes. Tobi leapt at Masamune. He heard the voice.

(Isn't it weird?) (It’s your fault) (You’re to blame) (It’s you) (You are)

“—Nngah…”

Tobi clutched his head and crouched down. It wasn't just Tobi. Shiratama screamed, “Gyah…!” A voice. It was the voice. Voice? Was this a voice?

(It’s you) (Isn't it weird?) (You are) (You’re the one to blame)

Countless voices, like a jumbled up mixture of solids and liquids—like metal that was heated until it melted into sludge—gushed directly into his head.

(Isn't it weird?) (You are) (You’re weird) (You are) (You are)

“...Tobi! Tobi?!”

Baku shouted for him. 

On Masamune’s head, the mouthless tarsier with the bark-like skin—that zingai—even though it had no mouth, the spot where its mouth should have been squirmed and wriggled.

(Weird) (Isn't it weird?) (It’s weird) (You’ve gone weird)

Was it weird? Weird. Wasn't it weird? He felt like he was going weird.

Was it that guy?

That’s right. Masamune’s zingai. That was it. The voice was that zingai.

“Tobi, use me to…!”

Me to? What? Use Baku to- I see. Tobi hurled Baku, aiming at Masamune.

“—Uahh…?!”

Masamune dodged it by a hair's breadth. He avoided it. Masamune cast a contemptuous look at Baku, who’d crashed into the lockers at the back of the classroom, and ran. Was he planning on getting out of the classroom? Tobi picked up Baku and chased after him. As he opened the door Masamune had slammed with all his might and stepped into the hallway, Shiratama’s call stopped him.

“Tobi-kun, wait! I’m coming too…!”

“Shiratama, go report this to Haizaki!”

Tobi said without turning around, and ran down the hallway. What would come of reporting it to Haizaki? He didn't know. He’d just said it in the spur of the moment. It was better if Shiratama didn't come along. It was dangerous.

Baku yelled, enraged.

“Where did he run off to, that bastard!”

“As if I would know!”

Masamune was not that tall, but he was pretty quick on his feet. Even as he closed some of the distance between them on the stairs, it didn't seem like it would be that easy to catch up to him. Masamune was heading towards the shoe rack. Wasn't he going to change his shoes? He charged towards the glass door of the front entrance. He did so with a force like he was planning on ramming his body through it. Masamune pushed open the glass door and ran outside. Tobi, too, chased after him in his indoor shoes.

The rain was strong. Tobi was soaked in an instant. As Masamune ran, he ranted and raved about something. The sound got lost in the rain, so he couldn't hear it well, but it sounded something like, “You’re wrong”, “It wasn't me”, “It wasn't my fault”. That seemed to be what he was saying.

“—For real, this guy is awful! He’s the worst…!”

Baku hurled abuse. It poured as if someone had flipped a bucket over.

Masamune crossed the crosswalk at a red light, and cars honked their horns at him. Masamune started and stopped for a moment, then immediately continued across the road. Tobi had no choice but to slow his pace a bit. Several cars were coming and going on the road. Picking out the gaps between cars coming from both left and right, Tobi got to the other side of the crosswalk as well. He’d gotten away from him again.

He should just leave him be. It was pouring after all. And he was out of breath. To be honest, this was tough. Did he really have to go to these lengths to chase after Masamune?

Zingai. It was because zingai were involved. Tobi had Baku. He could see zingai.

Baku had eaten Kon’s zingai. Because of that, Kon had fallen into heart desolation, or whatever it was called. That was the mess Baku had made, so Tobi was responsible as well. But at the bottom of it all, weren't they just getting what they deserved?

Kon had a complicated, problematic relationship with her mother. Even if that were the cause, if Kon’s zingai hadn't done bad things, this wouldn't have become such a big deal. Takatomo wouldn't have jumped off the roof either.

And then, there was that voice. That was the work of zingai as well. Masaki Shuuji. Masamune’s zingai had gone after Kon and Takatomo and tormented them with that voice. If it hadn't done that, the series of tragedies probably wouldn't have occurred.

If he let them be, Masamune’s zingai would do it again. In fact, it already was. It had made Asamiya hear that voice.

It’s better to just eat it.

Eat that zingai.

Masamune headed towards Asakawa. Was he going to cross the bridge? No. the river bank. Masamune ran down the bank of Asakawa river. What was colloquially known as Asakawa den. On the flood plain of Asakawa river was a tent village. Around where the tent village came to an end, Masamune went down to the river bank. The weeds were overgrown here; just ahead, various trees, taller than a person, grew densely.

Without stopping, Masamune turned his head.

Right now, Masamune didn't have Masaki Shuuji’s face. Two oversized eyes. Round ears that looked like they had sharp hearing. His nose was protruded, and he had no mouth. It was a tarsier. Was Masamune wearing a mask of a tarsier with tree bark-like skin? There was no way that was it. And crucially, the zingai sat atop his head was gone.

“Did he fuse with the zingai…?!”

It was probably as Baku said. Only Masamune’s head had become identical to the zingai’s. From the neck down, he was still Masamune.

“Masaki…!”

Even though it was useless, Tobi tried shouting Masamune’s name. Masamune was trying to push his way into the thicket. He was probably going to keep going like that. Something unexpected happened. Masamune turned back around.

(What’s with you?) (What is it with you?) (What are you?) (What?) (What are you?)

“—Aah…”

Without thinking, Tobi covered his ears. That action meant nothing. Masamune did not have a mouth. The spot where his mouth should have been squirmed and wriggled. It was like there were hundreds, thousands of maggots gushing forth. But it was decidedly not a mouth. This voice was not a sound.

(What are you?) (Who are you?) (You’re) (Who are you?) (What?)

His brain. Tobi’s brain was shaking. The voice vibrated minutely, shaking his brain.

(You don't even know) (You don't even know anything) (I’m not at fault) (It wasn't my fault)

(Isn't it weird?) (It’s weird) (You are) (Yours) (It’s you)

(Not me) (You) (Weird) (It’s weird) (You’re the one who’s weird)

“—...Tobi! Tobi! Oi, Tobi?! Tobiii…!”

Baku kept yelling Tobi’s name. He cowered in the thick, wet grass.

Masamune turned and vanished into the undergrowth. Tobi’s brain was still shaking. Was that even possible? At any rate, it felt very unpleasant. But he had to eat him.

Tobi stood up. He pushed his way through the drenched leaves and branches of the jungle-like thicket, searching for Masamune. He seemed to be facing the riverbank. That, he understood, somehow. Where was he? He couldn't see him, but he was there. Just ahead.

Brushing past the whip-like branches, there was a river beach up ahead. Though he called it a beach, it wasn't made of sand or pebbles. It was mud. Looking downstream, he saw a railroad bridge. Right beside that was a pedestrian bridge. Asakawa river was murky, and flowing as quickly as usual.

Masamune was submerged up to his knees in the Asakawa river. His back was facing towards Tobi.

Tobi stepped into the muddy ground. It was terribly slushy. He was going to eat him.

Eat?

Eat. him. Why?

“...I’m hungry,” Baku moaned.

“I’m just…so hungry, I can't bear it. It’s the same for you, isn't it, Tobi…?”

His cells, all the cells in his body were completely hollow. They were empty. He had to fill them somehow. If he didn't, he couldn't keep on living. If he didn't eat, he would die. It was for the sake of survival. To keep on living, he would eat. That thing, that zingai, he had to eat it.

Baku was starving. The one who was starving was Baku, but Tobi could feel that hunger so starkly he could almost hold it in his hands. Tobi was not starving. He had absolutely no desire to eat that thing. Could he really say that with certainty? No one could go on living without eating, could they?

What was so bad about eating to survive?

So he had eaten Kon Chiami’s zingai. Was he going to eat again?

If he ate that zingai, what would happen?

If he ate that zingai, which hat fused itself to a human’s head?

What would become of Masaki Shuuji?

“What are you doing over there, Masaki?”

Tobi stopped at the edge of the water.

He couldn't let him eat.

He could not allow Baku to eat that zingai.

“You should come back. It’s raining, so it’s dangerous.”

(—abandoned)

The voice. It reverberated not in his eardrums, but in his brain. That voice,

(You abandoned him. That day… your brother…)

(He wasn't like you, was he? Slender, and smart, and athletic. Good at games, and drawing, and everything else. Nii-chan was a kind person, huh? And you?)

(You..always doing things that got you scolded by your parents, and nii-chan always covering your back. A hopeless, lousy little brother. Well, you were still his brother after all.)

(Always sticking to him and crying, nii-chan, nii-chan, nii-chan; he must have found you annoying, huh? Sometimes nii-chan would be cold to you, and you’d whine and cry and make a fuss, and your parents would get mad and say, that’s enough—)

What?

What was this—whose story was this?

(You went camping a lot with your family. That day was the last time you went camping, huh? A river. There was a river. A river, near the campsite. It was nii-chan who suggested it, huh? Shuu, let’s go swimming. Shuu! Shuu, for Shuuji. You’re the second son, so Shuuji¹, huh? But you were scared, so nii-chan went off swimming on his own. You sat on the riverbank, stacking rocks—)

¹ the ‘ji’ (二) character in ‘Shuuji’ means ‘two’

Nii-chan? Brother?

(Having swam away from the shore, nii-chan suddenly yelled, ‘Shuu, help me!’—)

Whose brother? Masaki Shuuji’s?

(And you… you didn't go to help him, did you?)

(I mean, it’s scary! You couldn't swim that well anyway! There was no way you could’ve saved him!)

(That’s right! That’s right, that’s why you… you looked on silently, did you?)

(Nii-chan…he was drowning… bobbing in and out of the water… it was a river after all; it had a current, and it swept him along… as the river water went down his throat, he screamed again and again, “Shuu, help me!” and—)

(—you just watched, didn't you? You just listened, while your brother’s voice begged you to save him.)

(If I don't help him now, nii-chan will die!)

(You thought that, didn't you? Even though you understood that… you didn't do anything, did you?)

(Nii-chan was thoroughly swept away, you couldn't see him anymore—)

(And what did you do after that? That’s right! Right after that, you went to your parents)

(Crying, telling your parents, “he disappeared”, “Nii-chan, he disappeared…”)

(Am I wrong? Huh? That can't be it, right? That wasn't it, was it? That couldn't have been it, could it?)

(Nii-chan screamed again and again, “Shuu, help me!”... He begged for your help—)

(Despite that, you ignored him, didn't you? And on top of that, you lied)

(Nii-chan… you abandoned him)

(That’s right. You, you abandoned your brother) (You watched him die before your eyes) (You let him die)

“...‘You’—”

Tobi wiped his face with his hand. The rain was still coming down strong. Somewhere off, thunder rumbled.

(It was me)

The voice spoke.

(I) (Me) (I did) (I) (I did) (It was me) (I) (I) (I) (I—)

(I abandoned my brother, and watched him die. To be able to do such a thing, I—)

(Aren't I weird?)

(No) (...Wrong) (It wasn't m-) (No) (It wasn't me) (I’m not at fault) (I’m)

(It wasn't my fault!) (Who is it?) (Saying it’s my fault, that I was at fault, who’s blaming me?)

(Someone is blaming me) (I can hear it) (That voice, blaming me) (—it’s just my imagination)

(But my parents think so) (I know) (Why wasn't it you?)

(If only you died instead of your brother) (—that must be what they’re thinking)

(I’m not smart like nii-chan. And I’m bad at drawing, and can't seem to grow taller…)

(I don't do as I'm told) (I'm a liar) (I abandoned my brother) (I let him die) (I killed him)

(Even though nii-chan said, “Shuu, help me”) (—I didn't do anything in the end)

(If I just get our parents right away) (They wouldn't have made it in time anyway!) (Isn't this guy terrible?)

(Nii-chan was drowning) (It looked painful…) (I pretended not to see) (This guy is just unbelievable)

“That’s enough…!”

He didn't want to hear any more. He didn't want to know this.

“It wasn't on purpose, was it! Masaki, it wasn't your f—”

(Not me) (It wasn't my fault) (I’m not to blame) (I’m not crazy) (I’m)

(I remember it well) (At nii-chan’s memorial service, I cried, and cried, and cried—)

(Everyone laughed, saying my face looked terrible!) (Even my parents laughed!)

(Nii-chan said that a lot too!) (“Shuu is so funny”) (I made him laugh all the time)

(Am I funny?) (Hey, nii-chan?) (Am I funny?) (You’re funny) (I’m funny)

(Laugh) (Please laugh) (I’m funny, aren't I?) (Laugh) (Because I’m funny)

(Aren't I funny?) (Let me make you laugh) (I’ll make you laugh) (So, laugh!)

Masamune. Masamune was changing. No, he’d already changed. Masamune’s head was already that of a mouthless tarsier with tree bark-like skin. In other words, it had been zingai-fied. But until just now, it had just been his neck and above. Now it wasn't just his head.

(This is me) (Someone wrote that on SNS) (“Look for your true self!”) (“Search for yourself!”) (“Try to find your own self!”) (I’ve found myself!)

(The me who is funny) (The one that makes everyone laugh) (The me who abandoned my brother) (Isn't it weird?) (I’m) (I did) (I) (I’m) (I) (I) (I) (I) (I) (I—)

The tree bark-like skin spread, down Masamune’s shoulders, even his chest. The entirety of that skin pulsed and squirmed.

(Takatomo) (I thought you understood me) (She—) (That girl)

(I talked to her about it) (About my brother) (She comforted me) (She liked me, didn't she?) (Even so—!) (“I’m not going to go out with you, Masamune”) (She turned me down with a laugh!)

(Takatomo) (Even so, I was worried about her, wasn't I?) (Because she became strange) (But—)

(She) (“Hah? What?”) (What is with her!) (—Isn't it weird?)

(It’s weird) (It’s her fault isn't it?) (If she’d gone out with me)

(She’s the one to blame) (Takatomo) (Eat shit) (Man, that feels good) (She got what she deserved!)

Masamune was undergoing transfiguration quickly. If this continued, the transformation would cover Masamune’s whole body. Masamune would become a zingai.

(But I couldn't have imagined she’d jump, could I?) (That Kon) (That’s right) (It’s her fault, isn't it?)

(Asamiya) (What’re you so pissed about) (Laugh) (Laugh!) (I’ll make you laugh)

(Even though I’d gone to all the trouble of reading the room and making everyone laugh) (Laugh) (—Laugh already!)

It was no longer just a voice that shook his brain. That voice reverberated in Tobi’s brain all the same, but at the same time, another voice rang out.

(I’m) “I’m” (I’m trying to make you laugh!) “Laugh!” (You happy-go-lucky idiots!)

At this point, Masamune’s body had zingai-fied, from his head to his feet and hands. That strangely plump belly was pimply and bubbly, quivering and squirming, finally ripping apart. From there, it spread.

“Laugh!” (Laugh!) “Idiots” (Laugh!) “Laugh!” (“Laugh for the rest of your lives!”)

Was that a mouth? It was lined with tiny teeth. It was unmistakably a mouth.

“(“Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!”)”

The mouth, the mouth that opened on Masamune’s stomach like a gaping wound, laughed. It laughed hard.

“...Stop it!”

Tobi wanted to sit down. Baku was saying something. Keep it together, Tobi. or something like that. Keep it together? How was he supposed to do that? He didn't know. Masamune—the zingai—advanced towards him, splashing through the river water. Tobi couldn't understand anything anymore.

“Tobiiiiii…!”

Baku flopped around on Tobi’s back like a big fish that had just been reeled in. forced by Baku to jump to the side, Tobi ended up rolling in the mud. He was covered in mud, but thanks to that, they managed to dodge the charging zingai by a hair’s breadth.

“Eat, Tobi! We’re eating him!”

Baku forced him to his feet violently, forcefully.

“(“Uahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!”)”

Masamune—the zingai— opened that large, horrifying mouth on his stomach, and with a laugh that shook Tobi’s brain, the air, even the rain, prepared to charge again. Tobi’s head trembled.

“But if you eat that…!”

“If we don’t eat it, we’re gonna get eaten…!”

Was Baku insistent on eating that zingai no matter what? That meant eating Masaki Shuuji, who’d gone into this state due to losing his brother, along with it. Tobi gripped Baku’s strap tightly with both hands.

“No, you can’t…!”

Tobi tried to run. It was hard to find a good foothold on the muddy ground, but that didn't matter. Even if he couldn't run like he wanted to, he just had to run. More important than escaping, he had to get away from here, away from Masamune. Baku wanted to eat. Tobi could understand that feeling as well. He felt it so deeply it hurt. But if he let Baku eat, Tobi would definitely regret it. Masamune chased after him.

(Don’t) “Don’t” (Don't) “Ignore me!” (Otogiri!) “Otogiri Tobiiiiiii…!”

His foot caught in the mud. Tobi plunged　into the muddy ground head first. He couldn't see because of the mud, but Masamune seemed to have leapt at him. Taking advantage of the opportunity, Baku tried to sink his teeth into Masamune. Masamune jumped away briefly. Just as he thought that was what he was doing, he grabbed onto Tobi’s right ankle.

“Fuoh—”

Tobi was thrown. He flew in the air, through the rain. It was the river. He was falling into the river.

Right after landing in the water, something became entangled with Tobi. Was it Masamune? They were in the water, in the middle of the river. What was going on? Tobi flailed furiously. Baku, too, was fighting back. Somehow, they shook off Masamune, but even though he was heading towards the river bank, he wasn't moving forward at all. The water level was around Tobi’s chest. He could touch the ground with his feet, but decided to swim. It was no use. They were getting swept downstream. Ultimately, Masamune’s hand closed around his ankle once more.

“Ugua—...”

At one point Tobi was pulled to the bottom of the river. He gulped down lots of water; frankly he had no idea how he didn't end up drowning.

When he came to, he was in a spot where the water was less than knee deep. Had he gotten here on his own? Or had he been swept here? It was under the railroad bridge. Right at this moment, a train was passing through. He could see the pedestrian bridge. Someone was on the pedestrian bridge. They leaned against the railing, looking this way. It wasn't just one person. There were two.

“—Tobii!”

Baku called to him, and Tobi turned around.

It was no longer a voice. A roar that drowned out even the noise of the train passing overhead pierced his ears, and instantly Tobi’s brain felt like it was boiling. More than half of Masamune’s body had become his mouth. That was how widely the mouth on his abdomen opened. Masamune leapt on him. He was trying to eat Tobi and Baku. Did he want to eat that badly? He wanted to eat. He wanted to eat so badly, he just couldn't help it.

Because if you didn't eat, life couldn't continue existing.

You sustained this life, through eating.

Eat. If you didn't eat, you would just be eaten.

Unfortunately, Tobi was choking from swallowing so much water. His head felt fuzzy; he was in no condition to be eating. In this state, he would get eaten before he could eat.

“Sorry I’m late…!”

From beside him, something, someone, rushed over. If they hadn't knocked Masamune away, they would surely have been eaten.

Haizaki. It was the janitor Haizaki. Haizaki, clad in work clothes, landed in front of Tobi.

One of the people on the bridge just now had been Haizaki. So that meant he’d gotten here all the way from there in a mere few seconds. Was that possible? It didn't seem humanly possible.

And something was strange with his right foot.

Haizaki’s right foot was dark. His left foot was in work clothes and, well, normal. But his right foot was covered tightly in some kind of leather or pelt.

“Tobi-kun…!”

He heard Shiratama’s voice. Haizaki hadn't been the only one on the pedestrian bridge. The other person had been Shiratama. The bank. Shiratama ran down the riverbank between the pedestrian bridge and the railroad bridge. She looked like she was going to tumble over. He couldn't stand looking at her. No, this was no time to be watching over Shiratama doing something dangerous. The voice, no—that sound that could no longer be called a voice—a soul-grinding shriek, descended on them.

“—Ughh…”

Tobi almost lost consciousness. Was Haizaki just fine? It didn't seem like it. He hunched forward and somehow endured it.

Masamune was no longer Masamune. The mouthless tarsier with the bubbling skin, no, the zingai with a huge mouth on its abdomen, screamed. It screamed, again, and again. As it screamed, the zingai hurled blame. At people close to him. At the surrounding people. And above all, at himself. It could no longer form words. It was pure, naked animosity. It was hatred, and fear, and resentment. And under it all, a whirlpool of guilt. Haizaki yelled as if he were being squeezed.

“Where is that zingai’s master…?!”

“He’s inside it!” Baku answered.

“Wha—” Haizaki broke off.

“Did the zingai take over its master and go on a rampage? Or did it devour the master…?”

The zingai that had been Masamune continued to emanate a sorrowful fear, cloaked in hostility. Stop it. Please, stop it. I'm begging you, please. Shiratama was crouched halfway down the riverbank. Don't try to get up. Don't come. Shiratama, just stay there. You shouldn't come over here. Tobi grabbed Haizaki’s shoulder.

“What should we do?!”

“W-well—”

Haizaki shook his head slightly. His eyes were narrowed into slits, like thin pieces of thread, and his jaw was shaking. That expression told him everything. It was too late. There was no saving Masamune. Abruptly, Haizaki opened his eyes wide and brushed away Tobi’s hand.

“You get back. I’ll do this.”

I. Not ‘watashi’. Haizaki had used ‘ore’ for himself. At that moment, Tobi understood. Haizaki was going to take care of the zingai, along with Masaki Shuuji. Could he do it? Using what method? There was no way for Tobi to know. If Haizaki said he was going to do it, he had no choice but to leave it to him. Was he okay with that? Really?

Baku started going wild on Tobi’s back. It was a strange way of going wild.

Immediately, Tobi grabbed Baku’s strap and tried to hold him down. But it was no use at all. He let go of the strap. He had no choice but to do so. What would've happened if he hadn't let go? He wondered what would've happened. He couldn't even begin to make a guess.

Baku broke away from Tobi’s back and pushed Haizaki aside. He didn't even wonder if that was Baku. No matter what form he took, Tobi understood. Baku was Baku. That wasn't to say he wasn't surprised. If he said that, that would be a huge lie.

Baku turned his back to Tobi and Haizaki, and stood on two legs. He had two arms as well. His hands were quite large. They had four fingers. He wore a long mantle-like thing, made of material similar to that of Baku—of the backpack. Were those real clothes? Or did they just look like clothes? His head was like a cylinder. As he turned, he could see that on that cylindrical head was nothing but a mouth.

“I’ll be the one to do it…!”

“Go, Baku”

Those words came out of Tobi’s mouth, and he nodded. Baku didn't nod back.

The zingai that used to be Masamune charged. Rather than intercepting the attack, Baku struck first. With incredible force, he jumped up and grabbed the zingai’s head all of a sudden. At that moment, Tobi noticed. Baku’s cylindrical head had nothing but a mouth, but on the backs of his huge hands, he had eyeballs.

“I’ll peel it off…!”

Baku put both feet on the shoulders of the zingai that used to be Masamune. Could it be he was trying to forcefully pull it off like it was a costume? It was like pulling a dynamometer. Was it even something that could be pulled off?

“NnununununununununununuuuuuuuaaaaaAAAAAAaa…!”

The zingai didn't just stay quiet. It twisted its body violently, waving both hands around, trying to shake free from Baku. There was a huge splash. Along with Baku, the zingai collapsed into the river.

(Not at fault!) (I am!) (You are!) (It’s not my fault!) (It’s yours!)

That voice shook Tobi’s brain. Haizaki glanced at Tobi, then looked back at the zingai straight away.

“Otogiri-kun, that’s…?!”

Tobi didn't respond. Baku was Baku. That was all he could say.

“Baku…!”

Shiratama had finally reached the shore. She was soaked, and maybe because she’d fallen, she was muddy all over. Chinu clung to her right shoulder.

“Do your best, Baku…!”

Shiratama understood that that was Baku. This was incredibly reassuring to him. Tobi spoke to Baku in his heart. For you too right, Baku?

Ever since his brother had disappeared, Tobi had been with Baku. They’d had nothing but each other. 

There were people who’d reached out a hand to Tobi. But Baku’s voice hadn't reached their ears. Even though Baku was Tobi’s precious partner. Baku was not a mere backpack. Even if he tried to explain that, it would've been no use. There was no way they would understand.

Shiratama was different. She understood that Tobi and Baku were inseparably bonded together. Because, just like how Tobi had Baku, Shiratama had Chinu.

Baku and the zingai grappled in the middle of the muddy stream. Unlike Shiratama, Tobi did not shout his support for Baku.  There was no need for that. Because Tobi was fighting as well. This was no figure of speech. Both Tobi and Baku were battling with their lives on the line. In the event that Baku was defeated, what would happen? Whether it was heart desolation or whatever, Tobi and Baku would perish right here.

Haizaki yelled.

“Aaah!”

Baku gripped the zingai’s head tightly with those eyeballed hands, not letting go. His right foot was on the zingai’s left shoulder, his left foot pressing against its chest. Right under that was the zingai’s mouth. The zingai’s abdominal mouth was snapping at Baku. Tear that zingai off Masamune before you get eaten. Just a bit. Just a tiny bit more. The zingai was considerably stretched. Thanks to that, it didn't look like a tarsier anymore. Its round eyes had become tall ovals. This was the limit. It couldn't stretch any more.

“URUuAAAAaAAAAAAaAAAaAAaAAAAAAAaaaa…!”

Baku raised a battle cry.

All at once, he tore it off.

After all that effort, tearing it off only took one moment.

The zingai had been reduced to a state resembling a lifeless, overstretched costume.

“Hahha! How’s that, Tobii…! Uhii—”

Holding the stretched zingai in his hands, Baku energetically dove into the Asakawa river. Was Masamune alright in the middle of the zingai? Something other than Baku and the zingai was flowing out. Was it a human? It was Masamune, wasn't it?

“We have to help him…!”

Trying to get to the river, Shiratama was stopped by Haizaki with a “Leave it to me!” Haizaki leapt into the air. With no run up; what incredible jump power. Was it because of that right foot? Haizaki reached Masamune’s side in a single jump and caught him in his arms.

Perhaps relieved, Shiratama let out a “Hya…”, and sank to the floor right there.

Holding the costume-like zingai, Baku splashed his way through the river.

“Wasn't that great, Tobi?!”

Tobi had Baku. Shiratama Ryuuko had Chinu. And Masaki Shuuji had that zingai.

“Yeah.”

As Tobi responded, Baku raised the costume-like zingai like he was going to throw it. His cylindrical head seemed to split open sideways; his mouth opened, wider and wider.

Baku did not eat the costume-like zingai whole, he chewed many times. But he almost ate it whole. Baku had eaten Masamune’s zingai.

Tobi saw it through, from start to finish. He didn't look away, or even blink. As Baku ate the zingai, Tobi felt his stomach swell as well. They’d eaten it. They’d gone and eaten it.

“Baku.”

When Tobi signaled with his left hand Baku went back to being a backpack. Tobi gripped the strap and hung it on his left shoulder, carrying Baku on his back.

Haizaki carried Masamune in his arms bridal style and climbed up from the river. Both his right leg and left leg were clad in work clothes. Twined around Haizaki’s neck was a weasel-like creature. Was that him? Haizaki’s zingai. It had probably been merged with Haizaki’s right foot until just now. Haizaki too, was the same as Tobi and Shiratama.

“Ryuuko.”

Tobi no longer felt any hesitation calling Shiratama like this.

Shiratama turned her face towards Tobi.

She looked like she was crying.

Or was it because of this unending rain?

“You’ll catch a cold.”

As Tobi said that, she nodded slightly. Then, her eyes narrowed ever so slightly, and the sides of her lips pulled upwards somewhat.

“No, Tobi-kun… Tobi’s the one who will.”

—A long time ago he’d once asked his brother.

“Hey, Onii-chan. Why does the rain stop?”

Tobi clung to the window and looked out at the scenery outside. It had been raining since the morning, but the window was slightly open. His brother stood by the window, smoking.

“Because there’s nothing that never ends.”

That was how his brother responded.

“Will everything end?”

“Anything with a form will eventually perish. There’s nothing on this earth that doesn't have a form. Everything and anything will end someday.”

“Me, and Onii-chan too?”

His brother looked down and stroked his head.

Tobi remembered the scent of his brother’s cigarette smoke.

By the next morning, that rain which had come down so intensely had stopped completely. When he went to school carrying Baku as usual, Shiratama was waiting for him at the shoe box. Asamiya was in the classroom. He didn't seem to be feeling well, but when Tobi and Shiratama greeted him, he returned the greeting brusquely. According to the homeroom teacher Harimoto, Masamune, a.k.a. Masaki Shuuji, wasn't feeling well and would be absent for a while. He probably wouldn't be able to come to school for a while, would he? He might never be able to come again. 

Takatomo Miyuki. Kon Chiami. Masaki Shuuji. Year 2 class 3 had gained three empty seats in a short period of time. Despite that, their classmates remained composed. The teachers, too, continued class like usual. In the middle of class, Baku hummed an off-key tune, and Shiratama looked down, her shoulders shaking. Tobi lightly pushed Baku, who was hanging on his desk.

During lunch break, he paid the janitor’s room a visit along with Ryuuko. Haizaki looked haggard; his work clothed appearance was somewhat disheveled.

“Hey, you two. I’m glad you look well. About Masaki-kun, you can just leave that to me, okay?”

“You sure don’t look okay, though.”

As Tobi spoke his thoughts straightforwardly, Haizaki let out a dry laugh and shook his head.

“For some reason or another, I ended up pulling an all-nighter, you see. Before I could stay up two, three days with no sleep, but the age gets to you, you know? Basically, I’m just sleep deprived, I’m really fine.”

“Sleep is important,” Shiratama said simply. Haizaki scrunched up his tired face exaggeratedly.

“Even though I’m the one who should be in the position to worry about you two. This is all the wrong way around.”

Then, Haizaki called, “Olver.”

From under the big work table, a small weasel-like animal emerged, climbing up his body swiftly.

“I don't think this is your first time seeing him, but this is my zingai, Olver.”

Olver stood on Haizaki’s left shoulder and twitched his nose. Baku stretched up from Tobi’s back and said, “Heehh….”, as if appraising him. Ryuuko bowed her head politely.

“Hello, Olver.”

Haizaki dipped his chin slightly, and Olver scampered under the work table once more.

“As for me—I’d like, as much as possible, for you to spend your school life not worrying about anything unnecessary. For the sake of that, I will do anything within my power. I won't ask you to trust me. But that’s what I intend to do. If you feel like it, please rely on me.”

After school, as he shouldered Baku and tried to leave the classroom, Ryuuko’s call stopped him.

“Shall we walk home together?”

It was a strange, creepy-crawly tickly feeling. He had no reason to refuse, so Tobi nodded.

The two of them walked down the bank of Asakawa river. As they approached the bridge that spanned Asakawa river, Tobi began to want to climb onto the railing.

“Aren't you climbing up?”  Ryuuko said, touching the railing.

Tobi climbed up the railing lightly.

“Good grief, I say…” Baku grumbled.

Ryuuko laughed and brought Chinu out from the pochette, letting her ride on her right shoulder.

Further downstream, he could see the railroad bridge. For a moment, he thought back on what had happened yesterday.

They continued onward leisurely, Tobi on top of the railing, and Ryuuko on the footpath.

“Anything and everything—”

Why he said such a thing, Tobi himself didn't know.

“will end someday, huh?”

Ryuuko stopped and looked up at Tobi. Tobi stopped as well.

“I think about it too, from time to time.”

Ryuuko pressed her hands to the middle of her chest.

“For instance, about the moment this life ends. Somehow it becomes quite painful, and I can't stand it. If only it would never end, for ever and ever.”

Tobi turned his body to face the road and sat down on the railing. Ryuuko put both hands on the railing.

He’d thought about it suddenly before.

Hadn't his brother known? He’d foreseen his separation from Tobi. There was nothing without a form, and anything with a form perished. The brothers’ time living together would be lost as well. His brother had readied himself for that, hadn't he?

If he ever gained anything precious, it would disappear, just like his brother.

He only had Baku.

As long as Tobi didn't let go, he could be with Baku. That was how it should've been.

He’d been wrong.

Someday, Baku too, could get eaten. Like how Baku had eaten Kon and Masamune’s zingai, someone else’s zingai could eat Baku.

That was fine. Well, it wasn't really that fine. That time would come whenever it did. If Baku got eaten, Tobi wouldn't be unharmed anyway.

Something important must have broken inside Takatomo. She’d been driven to the edge and flung herself from that roof. And then, Takatomo’s parents would lose their daughter. He wished that wouldn't happen. Tobi could do nothing except pray that Takatomo would get better.

Kon Chiami and Masaki Shuuji both had their zingai eaten by Baku. It seemed like neither of them had been aware of their zingai. Even so, their zingai had always been nestled close to them. They had been an irreplaceable part of the two. A part of them had hurt and injured other people.

So it couldn't be helped.

He had no choice but to do what he’d done.

“Tobi.”

“Mm.”

“If Tobi…”

“If I?”

“If, just a little bit, you regret what you’ve done”

Regret.

Tobi repeated those words within his chest.

I regret.

I regret it.

“Please share that regret with me.”

Her eyes were fixed on someplace far off.

A strong wind blew.

Her black hair fluttered in the wind, exposing her bare face.

“If you get sad or lonely thinking about the end of things, I want you to tell me.”

“That kind of thing—”

Tobi hung his head.

“Tell you, and then what?”

“I don't know.”

She bit her lip tightly. Tobi stole a sideways look at that expression.

“I just want you to tell me.”

He didn't regret it at all.

That wasn't it. He felt just a little bit guilty about not regretting it.

He wasn't sad. He wasn't lonely either.

Just what was he supposed to talk to her about, he wondered.

Did he have something he wanted to talk about, or didn't he?

Right now, he didn't even know that yet.

“I've thought about it before but—”

Tobi looked up at the sky.

“Ryuuko, you’re a strange person, huh?”

“You’re saying that?” Baku sneered nastily. He heard the sound of her laugh. Tobi sighed at the pale-colored sky. Then, he laughed softly.

To be continued.

-----

prev: 3-4 // next: e-book bonus

misc: end of book one yayyyy (well actually there's a bonus but shhh) thank you for reading, it's been a fun ride. sorry i couldnt be arsed to translate the author's note, you can find it somewhere im sure

[harapeveco]

In regards to Tobi and Ryuuko dating, the narrator actually starts referring to Ryuuko as “kanojo” a few times near the end. While in that context, it was for use as the pronoun “she,” it can also mean “girlfriend” and also hadn’t been used much otherwise because Japanese doesn’t really need pronouns. So basically, the language choice *could* be implying that they are dating. (Though also Takatomo was referred to with ‘kanojo’ near the end as well so who knows)

Well I said it more like in a joke way bc I like to say Tobi dates everyone (like I do with Rei and Monika) but that’s an interesting point! He has a girlfriend confirmed!

[myanhedonia]

Masatomo Ariga, Yugiro Komatsu and Takatomo Ariga - Clothing Designers and Owners of Blackmeans at their store in Tokyo The Selby

[shintorikhazumi]

“StoneCold”

A/N: No excuses here. Btw, this can be any pairing you want it to be I guess? All I can say is my catchphrase...

“Enjoy?”

~Shintori Khazumi

~0~0~0~0~0~0~

‘Stone Cold’

 ‘Stone cold, stone cold.’

That’s how my feet felt, standing on the splashing shore, soaked and wet in the early evening waters.

Clearly, I did not want to even be in the same place as you, not right now. Not when my heart still bled for you and your warmth, and touch… and love.

 ‘You see me standing…’

Our eyes locked gazes. You were standing some distance from me, arm wrapped around her waist, heart wrapped around her finger. Seems the photo-shoot was wrapping up if you had time to give me your attention.

 ‘But I’m dying on the floor…’

I lost a life earlier, I’m sure of it, standing on the white-tiled floor while you walked the red carpet isle, confirming my fears- that this was real.

 ‘Stone Cold, Stone Cold’

You paced toward me, my eyes widening at the sight of you nearing. Suddenly, I felt a warm weight draped over my shoulders, and the sound of slippers being dropped beside me on the dampened sand.

“You’ll catch a cold. Be careful.” You warned, ruffling my air playfully… sadly… like it would be the last time.

 ‘God knows I tried to feel…’

My mind goes back to your simple actions mere seconds ago. How could I change my feelings for you? How do you expect me to move on when you still do these things… these loving gestures that cause my heart to do flips? Do you still care? Even if it’s just a bit?

 ‘God knows I tried to feel… Happy for you.’

Trust me when I say that the tears I shed earlier were not all bitter. I promise, some of those were tears of joy. Happy for your new step in life. Happy for you because you were able to move forward, closer to fulfilling all your dreams.

Dreams that I wish I were a part of.

 ‘Know that I am… Even if…’

“I can’t Understand.” I whispered to your slowly retreating form, the one that was returning to her side.

“What was that?”

‘Oh.’ You heard me. You walked back toward me, grasped my wrist and coaxed me to meet your eyes, to look into them, those questioning, kind eyes that I adored, and frankly still do. My tears spilled out again. I couldn’t help it… because-

“I can’t understand. I don’t understand.” I told you, wincing at the crack in my own voice.

It seems as if you understood. It looked like you knew, you knew what I meant; your jaw slacked and eyes wide and all that.

 “I’ll take the pain…” I murmured, whimpered. “Just tell me the truth…”

“I… I can’t.”

There.

I saw the pain. The hurt. The love in your eyes. By me, for me. They spoke the truth your lips could never utter.

“Why? Why not?” I asked, trying to break from your grip, as if your touch burned me. “You worried for me? That I’ll be hurt? Break?”

I already am, but I wouldn’t dare tell you that.

“Yes, Yes!” You replied strongly. We were fortunate enough to be far enough from the rest of the group, that and it was getting darker. Thus, we were less noticeable. “Yes…” You repeated, softer this time.

I took your trembling hand and placed it over my heart, and I managed to smile at you though it hurt like hell.

 “Me and my heart…” I made sure you felt it beating beneath your palm. “We will make it through.” I said this as a half-truth, as a half-lie. Because honestly, I wasn’t sure. I was never sure when it came to you.

‘Do you still love me?’ I held my tongue despite wanting to ask. I couldn’t ask. I shouldn’t ask. I could not break your carefully crafted present and future. So I simply said…

 “If happy is her…” I released your hand to cup your face with both of mine, bringing you down to my eye level, the windows to my soul communicating pain, regret, sorrow, and love. Even though it crushed my heart to bits and pieces, I forced the words, the LIE out. “Then I’m happy for you.”

  ~0~0~0~0~0~0~

WE finally finished the photos and headed to the next event hall where all the guests awaited. Where all YOUR guests awaited.

At the announcer’s call, you stood up, her hand in yours as you both strode onto the center of the floor.

 ‘You’re dancing with her.’

I thought I could bear it, but I was wrong. Not this sight of you and her.

 ‘While I’m staring at my phone.’

My hand hovered over the ‘OK’ button, my screen asking me to confirm this deletion. Of your number, your pictures, your smile, your love, your face… MY memories… memories of you.

 I couldn’t do it.

I placed the device back into my hand bag and forced myself to watch the scene of you cutting a cake: smiling, eating.

The lighting was beautiful around you. You practically glowed! (Though I still saw the shadow of pain I caused you, behind it.)

 Maybe I realized, or maybe I wanted to know something at that moment.

How precious was she to you?

How precious was she- compared to me… to you?

 ‘I was you amber.’

As tears threatened to flow, my memories did so. I remembered the first time we met, the smile you gave, the words you said. Our first date was a disaster- a good one (we fell into a lake, boating), but so were the rest, not that they were any less fun.

I replayed all the songs we sang to on your car’s stereo on candid night drives. Our favorite song too. ‘Stone Cold.’ How ironic. Even when we promised it would never happen to me. That I wouldn’t, that you wouldn’t ever let it happen to me.

I recalled your warmth. Hands, face, hugs. I reminisced on your love. My love. Our love. I knew I was precious to you. You were precious to me too. I know you knew as I knew.

I could vividly picture the glimmer, the glitter in your eyes as you stared at me with eyes of love- of affection. I’m sure I returned the sentiment.

But… maybe I could understand my value better now, seeing you… and her. After all, what was amber to even a single coin of gold? I was your amber before, I’m sure.

 “But now she’s your shade of gold.” I whispered, tears breaking out as I saw with my own eyes how yours shined. Shined for her, brighter than they would ever do for me.

Was it because you knew beforehand? That we just weren’t meant to be? Is this why you wouldn’t let yourself love me fully?

Maybe.

 The dinner wasn’t over yet, but my hands reached out to strip the cloak off the back of my seat, slippers changed to shoes. Ignoring the inquiry of ‘Where are you going?’ from my friend, I left without a second glance, another word.

I just wanted to get the hell away.

  ~0~0~0~0~0~0~

My “escape” was near-successful. (I actually managed to reach my car.) Near because the one person, the only person who was capable of stopping me, stopped me from leaving. You.

“Why are you leaving?” Your voice froze me in my tracks, hand on the door handle at the honest ask. I could clearly her your voice crack. “So soon?” You followed up the question. “Dinner’s not yet over.” You tried to compose yourself to seem calm, but failed miserably. “Why?”

Why. Not Where. Not the usual question. Why- that was your question. Oh, you knew me so well. You knew me as a free, wild, exploring soul. Always seeking adventure, that kind of person. We were the same in that aspect, after all.

Once lost, hard to regain.

Did I mean something else by that? I wonder.

“It’s over for me at least.” I said. I guess that sounded too heavy, too negative, so I tried to cover it up with a joke. “You know me, small body (kinda), small appetite. I’m pretty full. You got yourself some good meat.” I winked as my thumb went up, and you chuckled at the display. That made me laugh too. The first genuine laugh since your revelation of engagement to me.

“I know.” You went along with it, wiping a tear from your eye. I wonder if it was due to laughing or something else- “I’m sorry.” Those words followed shortly.

“For?” Now I was sure it was from something else.

 “Us.”

 My smile dropped. I didn’t quite frown though, instead, my lips pressed into a tight, thin line.

“I’m sorry that we were broken. Sorry I didn’t fight. Sorry I… I let you love me when I knew all along that we cou-“

 “Stop.”

I could not believe, could not hear this right now. “I don’t regret loving you. Never have, never will.” And that was the truth, I clarify. I tried to meet your eyes… needing to know. “Do you…” I couldn’t finish, but you understood.

“NO. Never have. Never will.” You smiled sadly. I did too.

“Thanks.” I wanted that to be the last words I’d say to you. I couldn’t take it. I made an effort to leave again.

“See you around?”

 Hopeful.

That’s how you sounded to me. Too bad it was too painful on my part.

“No.” My brutal honesty might have hurt you, but at least it wasn’t like the lie that hurt me.

“Why?” Were you actually crying right now? “Why?”

“Why so desperate?” I ask. “To keep me in your life?”

“Because…” You tried.

“I Love You.” I finally said my reason. “But it hurts.”

“I… I can’t…” You begin.

“I know.” Sighing, I ran a hand through my hair, tresses all roughed up from my emotion-driven actions. “I know.”

I was about to leave. Leave for good, but…

“…But I need you.”

I heard it. That whisper, but I couldn’t look at you anymore. I couldn’t turn back no more.

“…”

“Please.” You sob. “I need you.” You fell to your knees, I heard the thud.

I could not resist your begging. You knew this. I ran back to the spot where you hung your head low, ready to wait fruitlessly for a return from me you weren’t even sure of. I hugged you with all the strength and love I could muster. I helped you up and wiped your tears, fixed your suit- dusting it off and straightening your tie.

“Hey now, fix yourself up. Brides shouldn’t look like this on their most special wedding night. You embarrass me.” I jested, despite the tears we both shed as you laughed.

“Thanks.”

We stood close for a moment, like we were back in the past. In what was OUR present. Times when we were still thinking of our future.

“I… I’m…. I’m Happy for you.” I croaked out, tear-stained cheeks red and still forming a smile from our laughter session, eyes trying to stay on yours, voice wrecked.

“Thanks.” It was all you could say, it was all I expected you to. I nod in acceptance and turn away. This time, you let me go, probably trusting me to stay.

“Good bye.”

“Bye.” You said with a wave, mouthing ‘Take care’.

“For good.” I finished as I held your gaze one final second, just as I shut the car door and you realized a bit too late what I meant.

That I wasn’t staying.

“Wait-“

I wouldn’t wait. I couldn’t anymore. I’d be waiting for nothing after all. I already waited a long time for nothing at all.

Maybe I finally accepted it because I didn’t cry on my drive to nowhere in particular.

That you were finally married.

That you ha it arranged before ‘Us.’.

That your family didn’t like me and tore us apart.

I accepted it all.

That… you actually fell for her along the way and that I waited for… absolutely nothing.

 I was fine… I would be… as long as my heart remained-

‘Stone Cold, Stone Cold.’

A numb, hardened heart.

I laugh.

It’s impossible after all… to have a stone-cold heart.

I cried.

I was sad for myself, but… I was happy for you.

  Goodbye… Stone cold first love.

A/N: YEAHHHHHHH so I’ve been dead. Actually super sick lately, tbh. And I had a lot of stress to start off the year. I currently am still, but... well... yeah. Here’s a prsent for staying with me peeps. T-T No set OTP but y’know.... Love lots!

~Shintori Khazumi

[engekihaikyuu]

Hyper Projection Engeki Haikyuu - The Strongest Challengers

Shouri (Kuroo), Takato (Kenma), and Naoki (Kai) (not pictured) went to visit in on Engeki Haikyuu rehearsals!   Here, Shouri and Takato take a photo with Takumi!

(x) 

[art-now-japan]

untitled, Takatomo Homma

30 x 30cm, oil on canvas

https://www.saatchiart.com/art/Painting-untitled/64776/1184336/view

[takatomo-de]

Lust auf Kino? 🤩 Wir wünschen Euch eine schöne Woche! www.takatomo.de/jellycat ------------------------------------ In the mood for the movies? 🤩 Have a great week! www.takatomo.de/en/jellycat #takatomo #jellycat #kuscheltier #kinderspielzeug #hotdog #kinderzimmer #kölnersüdstadt #köln (hier: TakaTomo) https://www.instagram.com/p/CqAbKW_MQ9I/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

[bizarrequazar]

Takatomo Chikahito - Chapters 1-5

[peoplewearingblackmeans]

Takatomo "Ani" Ariga at Leather Japan Exhibition

[inochinoyomikata]

Inochi no Tabekata 2 ch 1-4 Translation

1-4 Asamiya Shinobu– Pursuit of Happiness Worldview

Why can’t we meet? I can’t even see her face. With that in mind, Asamiya Shinobu visited the hospital where Takatomo Miyuki was hospitalized.

He had nothing else to do. After class was over, he tried to talk to Otogiri, but he seemed to have something to do. For some reason, Otogiri must’ve been worried about Shiratama Ryuuko. There was also the idea that if Otogiri went to the infirmary to check on her, he would go with him. But he might get in the way so he can’t. He didn’t think it’d be a good idea for two guys to rush into the infirmary where a sick girl was resting. In general, he was not particularly close with Otogiri.

Takatomo was still in the intensive care unit. Of course, he would not be allowed in the ICU, and visitors who were not family had no way of knowing the patient’s condition. Takatomo’s mother was on the third floor of the main building where the ICU was located. Asamiya had long been called “Shinobu-kun” by her because her house was nearby. She told Asamiya about her daughter. She also had hopeful news.

“You know, Shinobu-kun, Miyu, she might be able to move from the ICU to the general ward. It won’t be long, but she might be able to get off the ventilator.”

“Is that so? That’s good for her. Um, is she conscious…?”

When Asamiya timidly asked, Takatomo’s mother’s eyes suddenly clouded over, becoming like old lenses that didn’t reflect anything. She shook her head.

After that, they talked for another fifteen minutes or so, but Asamiya mostly just answered what he was asked. They talked about things like school and Asamiya’s family.

When he was about to leave, Takatomo’s mother pleaded with him “Please, take care of yourself, Shinobu-kun.” No matter how careful you are, bad things will still happen. Of course, he can’t say such mean words. Asamiya just replied, “I’ll be careful.”

When he got home, as usual, no one was there. Asamiya had an older brother, but he entered a private university in Tokyo two years ago. In addition to his house loan, his brother’s school fees and remittances seemed to make it difficult for his family, and his parents were working hard. Both of them leave in the early morning and come home relatively late. Their small, two-story built-for-sale house was cluttered everywhere and had an indescribable peculiar smell.

Asamiya had decided that he would work part-time when he entered high school. He didn’t like studying, and he wasn’t suited for it, so it was unlikely he would go to a prestigious university like his brother. He got into a decent university, and he’d get a decent job. He was told if he somehow talked with his mother about that on New Year’s, he wouldn’t have to think about it from now on.

When he was taking in the laundry that had been hanging out to dry in their narrow garden, he suddenly became disgusted with everything. Asamiya stopped work halfway through and sat down at his living room table. His father often slept on the sofa, so he didn’t feel like sitting on it. He operated the remote to turn on the TV. He didn’t want to see it. He wanted it to make sound.

When he vaguely talked about his future on New Year’s Day, he was asked by his mother “is there anything you want to do?” and Asamiya immediately responded “Wha?” She laughed when he said, “Hurry up.” Asamiya thought about Miyu. What happened to Takatomo Miyuki?

If he remembered correctly, Takatomo used to say that she wanted to be an ice cream shop owner. For some reason, some girls wanted to be ice cream makers. She would change again when she became a junior high student. What was likely was a nurse or a childcare worker. Or a beautician. There was nothing for Asamiya. Each time something like a questionnaire was properly written and submitted. Manga artist. Employee. Athlete. It was all a lie. Asamiya has never thought of wanting to be something, or wanting to do something.

What about Takatomo? Something must have happened. Takatomo was a solid person, clearly she was, and she got along well with various types of men and women. Her grades were pretty good too. The exact opposite of Asamiya. Takatomo must have had a dream. But would she heal? Takatomo’s mother was hopeful that she would. She hoped she got better. Even Asamiya hoped so. To be honest, he didn’t believe that she would ever recover. Takatomo may not regain consciousness at this rate. Asamiya can’t help but wonder if he could not do something.

It was no use thinking about her.

He couldn’t do anything anyway.

He couldn’t do anything now, or in the future.

Asamiya turned off the TV with the remote. He would rather have sound than silence. He turned the TV on for it, but it was raspy and irritating.

He wanted to talk to someone. Anyone was fine. He wanted to be heard. To have no opposition. He had friends. Some people he had registered as friends in a game. However, with those friends, he could only talk about games and videos he was addicted to. Nine out of ten people got annoyed when he talked about anything else. He doesn't play games much these days. He couldn’t keep playing. There was no enjoyment. 

A smartphone notification sounded. Where did he put it? He found it on the edge of the table. Asamiya picked up the smartphone.

[You were invited to Hapieva. Let’s use a new SNS!] Such a notification was displayed on the screen.

“...Hapieva?”

Asamiya unlocked his smartphone. He found an unfamiliar icon. Hapieva. Had he installed such an app? He didn’t remember. 

“That’s kind of suspicious, but…”

When he launched it, he heard an explanation with an animation that Hapieva was an abbreviation for ‘Happy ever after,’ and that it was an SNS for many entertainers, artists, and streamers to participate anonymously. Photos that looked like celebrities flickered one after another. Among them were musicians and comedians that Asamiya knew, as well as streamers who were often the subject of internet news. Users could say anything. There was one caveat. Log in once every 24 hours. If you don’t log in, your account will be deleted, along with the log. Conversely, if you want to withdraw, you don’t have to log in.

“...That’s too much, isn’t that suspicious?”

When he unintentionally wryly smiled, the app instructed him to choose symbols. It seemed that the username was a combination of symbols, not letters. After randomly choosing four, another option appeared. Interests. Favorite things. He was not good at it. Good at this kind of thing. Don’t think too much, just answer appropriately. However, Asamiya’s hand stopped at the next question.

[Are you worried about something?

・Human relations, actually.

・Future things.

・About money.

・Love and affection.

・No dreams or hopes.

Choose as many as you’d like!]

“---No dreams or hopes, or something like that. Body and cover, also, right…”

It was terrible. Asamiya chose only [No dreams or hopes] and proceeded to the next step. As soon as the timeline screen was displayed, a message like [Welcome!] and [Nice to meet you~] popped up.

[Oh! Participant found! Nice to meet you!]

[Hope you’re comfortable~]

[People with no dreams or hopes, get along well.]

[Despair Alliance W]

[...I wonder if this is what you’re saying to me. It’s amazingly welcoming. Those who have no dreams or hopes, yes, but…]

The messages that flew to Asamiya eventually calmed down. But his timeline kept updating.

There were daily reports such as when people woke up, when they slept, what they ate, when something happened that made them feel uncomfortable, and that made them want to cry. There were also complaints. If someone laments, someone else will sympathize with them and encourage them to do their best.

It was a little strange. He didn’t see any objection that they didn’t want to hear complaints. Was everyone ignoring them? He wondered if Hapieva users didn’t think so. Was it an SNS used by open-minded people?

However, while skimming through messages such as [XXX’s Neapolitan is the best], [If XXX appears even for a moment, I will change the channel immediately], and [Tomorrow, I will go to XXX], Asamiya noticed it. This SNS seems to have a function to make some words obfuscated. Were they proper nouns? People’s names, places names, store names, etc.

“Is it that? Is it like privacy protection? It seems that people could be roughly identified by the name of the place or the name of the store. It seems that you couldn’t post images…”

Maybe negative remarks were filtered out and invisible. If that was the case, he wouldn’t even notice if someone scolded. If nobody noticed it, it was the same as not being condemned.

“...This is crap. It’s nothing but comfort.”

While thinking that, Asamiya couldn’t take his eyes off of Hapieva’s timeline. His fingers moved on their own.

It doesn’t matter what you spit out in a place like this.

If you feel empty, just stop.

[italiantnea]

#3/ Us, on the other side I'd be there for you

And then the Yark thinks of all the children he’s eaten. And as if to gain some smidgen of forgiveness, he finds it hardly unjust to be eaten in his turn.

-The Yark, Bertrand Santini

#3-1_otogiri_tobi/ the door, open

prev: 2-3 // next: 3-2

-----

He wasn't scared, and he didn't particularly feel sick. Otogiri Tobi’s heart was just pounding extremely quickly.

“Don’t look.” Baku said.

Don't look, Tobi. he said.

It might not have been “Don’t look”, but “You don't have to look.”

Why, he wondered.

Tobi couldn't tear his eyes away from the girl lying face down in the courtyard. The girl lay in a pool of blood. That pool of blood was gaining more ground by the second. Her fingers, arms, and legs twitched and spasmed.

“Don’t!”

Someone covered Tobi’s eyes.

It was the janitor Haizaki.

“You shouldn’t look! Don’t look, Otogiri-kun…!”

He only had hazy memories of what happened after that.

Ambulances came, if he recalled correctly. Police, too. The police asked him lots of questions. He thought he responded honestly to everything he was asked. It seemed like class was suspended for the afternoon. Right as Tobi got out of the school, all the students were leaving the school. 

A facility staff member had come to pick him up by car. He didn't want that, but he bore with it and rode the staff’s car back to the facility.

The school was closed for a couple of days. After that, they headed into the weekend. Tobi read the books lying around the facility, zoned out, talked with Baku about whatever, and dozed off. He didn't feel like going outside.

What had happened to Takatomo flashed in his head from time to time. But Tobi hadn’t known her that well. Actually, he hadn't known her at all. He hadn’t even known her full name, ‘Takatomo Miyuki’, until he heard it from a police officer. There was no point in thinking about someone he didn't even know. He didn't even have material to think about in the first place.

Why had Takatomo jumped?

Tobi had no way of knowing.

On Monday morning, as Tobi left the facility, he was told by a staff member that he didn't have to force himself to go to school. Tobi ignored them.

“You alright with that?” Baku asked.

“With what?” Tobi asked back.

Baku didn't respond.

The teacher with the black-rimmed glasses stood at the school gate. He usually gave a baleful look at him, but this morning when he spotted Tobi, he pushed his glasses and looked down.

“Everything’s messed up…” Baku muttered.

Tobi changed his shoes at the shoe box and headed to the classroom. Something felt missing, or rather, he felt a little let down.

He realized just as he walked into the classroom.

It was because Shiratama hadn't been waiting for him.

Class 3 of year 2 was quiet. It wasn't like everyone was silent. There were students talking amongst themselves too. But their voices were noticeably quieter than usual. Everyone talked reservedly. There was no laughter to be heard. No one was laughing.

Shiratama was sitting at her seat. When she saw Tobi, she stood up. Then, for some reason, she bowed.

“Good morning.”

“...Good morning.”

He felt the gazes of his classmates. A good half of the students in class were looking at Tobi.

“You’re a witness after all,” Baku said with a half-smile.

I see.

So it’s about that.

Apparently Takatomo Miyuki was in critical condition.

During the morning homeroom period, their homeroom teacher Harry, a.k.a Harimoto had explained.

“She’s getting treated at the hospital, but she hasn't regained consciousness yet.”

Instead of his familiar red tracksuit, Harimoto wore a white shirt and black slacks. Tobi didn't know the reason why. He didn't have the slightest clue.

“Everyone must be worried. If we find out anything else, sensei will pass on the news. There seem to be strange rumors going around, but please don't believe them. Alright?”

What were these strange rumors?

Tobi didn't know.

It was all things he didn't understand.

This world was composed of things Tobi didn't know.

Aside from Tobi, there were thirty five students enrolled in class 3 of year 2. Among those thirty five people, was the female student Shizukudani, who practiced infirmary schooling. Tobi had never seen her once. So in reality, it was thirty four people. Between those thirty four people and Tobi, there existed something like a transparent membrane. That thin yet unbreakable membrane had almost completely separated Tobi from those thirty four people.

Tobi missed that membrane terribly.

If that membrane were intact, he wouldn't have been worrying about his classmates like this. Likewise, his classmates wouldn't be paying attention to Tobi either.

Even though they were in class, students' eyes flitted towards Tobi. There also were students who casually checked in on him while pretending to look out the window.

Without realizing, Tobi was looking around the classroom too. As he did so, his eyes would meet with someone else, and it got quite awkward.

Shiratama seemed to be deep in thought; her gaze was often downcast. Her skin had always been pale, but her complexion seemed especially bad. Was she not feeling well? Maybe she hadn't been sleeping much.

Had Shiratama been friendly with Takatomo? Tobi didn't know.

During the break between second and third period, a girl started crying. Until then, she had been talking about something with two other girls in hushed voices, and before long she began sobbing.

“Chiami…”

The two girls looked visibly upset.

On the sobbing girl’s back clung a weird thing that resembled a bat, or perhaps a flying squirrel.

Kon Chiami was the one crying.

Shiratama tried to approach Kon Chiami, but stopped halfway.

Eventually the two girls took Kon Chiami out the classroom. The three of them didn't return until after the bell rang. The teacher did not scold them.

After third period ended, Masamune, a.k.a Masaki Shuuji, with the tarsier-like weird thing in the ‘say no evil’ pose riding on his head, stood in front of the blackboard and cleared his throat.

“Um, you know. I get it but, like, what do you think of this atmosphere? I get it, you know? I get it and all but, even if we’re all bummed out, that’s not gonna change anything…like. I‘m not saying it’s better to be all happy or anything. But like, could we be a bit more normal?”

The reactions among their classmates was dull. About eighty percent were confused, and the remaining twenty percent were antagonistic. That was how it looked to Tobi.

“—Pwease excuse bme!”

Masamune put both hands on the teacher’s podium and scrunched up his brows. He looked like he was about to cry.

“I said something unnecessary. I‘m sowwy…”

A few laughs came. To be messing around in this kind of situation; Tobi was rather impressed, but there seemed to be those who were offended as well.

 “Stop messing around, seriously,” A male student spat in a low voice.

That wasn't it. The boy kicked the floor. Although he just let the sole of his shoe rub against the floor, some sound came out.

Tobi was sitting close to the boy’s seat, so he was a bit startled. Baku, who was hanging on his desk, also shuddered a bit and let out an “Oh…”

The boy’s bangs were long enough to cover his eyes. If he recalled correctly, he was called Asamiya. Tobi thought he was called Asamiya. Asamiya something. Shinobu. Right. Asamiya Shinobu.

Masamune looked at Asamiya, but turned his gaze away from him right away. ‘Stop messing around, seriously.’ Had Asamiya’s words not reached him?

But that ‘say no evil’ monkey on Masamune’s head stared at Asamiya with those tarsier-like eyes.

Maybe that was just what it seemed like. Or maybe Tobi was overthinking it. Disregarding the monkey, Kon Chiami was definitely side-eying Asamiya. The weird thing on her back, too, turned its human infant-like face towards Asamiya.

Suddenly the question came into Tobi’s head.

Why had Takatomo Miyuki jumped?

Lunch time went by in the blink of an eye, and Tobi shouldered Baku and walked out the classroom. The weather wasn't bad today. But the courtyard was sealed off. It was the scene of the incident, after all. Even if he didn't go through the courtyard, he could climb to the roof if he just went outside. He considered that briefly, but didn't feel like doing it. He didn't want to go to the roof. It was all because Takatomo had jumped. A single girl, and a classmate at that, had jumped from the school building’s roof. Why had she jumped?

Tobi paced around in the hallway, walking quickly. There was no aim to it; he felt sick just staying still.

Now, of all times, Baku wasn't saying anything. He stayed silent sullenly. That pissed Tobi off a bit. A Baku who stayed quiet was just a backpack.

He couldn't go to the roof. It was because Takatomo had jumped.

It was Takatomo’s fault. Was Takatomo at fault?

He didn't think so. Takatomo probably hadn't jumped because she wanted to. What would happen if you jumped? She should've been able to imagine. You wouldn't be fine. You would be severely injured.

You could end up dying.

Tobi didn't understand. He didn't understand Takatomo’s feelings at all. He had no way of understanding.

Soon, meal time came to an end. Students began to come and go in the hallway, and Tobi started looking for a place without people. It was like he was on the run for a place to hide. He looked like an idiot.

For some reason Baku wasn't talking.

Maybe he was just a normal backpack. Maybe he’d just been a backpack all along.

The thought crossed Tobi’s mind. Of course, that couldn't have been true.

Say something already, Baku.

If he said that, Tobi would lose. Would he lose? Just what was he losing at?

There was nobody around the hallway of the third floor of the special classroom building. For some reason he felt tired, so Tobi sat down.

The special classroom building was three stories tall. Tobi sat in the stairway. This stairway led to the roof. If you didn't climb up from the outer wall like Tobi, you’d have to use these stairs to get to the roof.

Takatomo should've used these stairs to get to the roof, too. Beyond the stairs was a door. Takatomo had somehow opened the locked door.

The key to the roof had been missing.

The janitor, Haizaki, had said so.

Takatomo had probably taken the key. In the staff room, near the principal’s desk, if he recalled correctly, hung lots of keys. Had Takatomo swiped the key to the roof from there? It was quite a conspicuous spot; it seemed pretty difficult.

Anyway, Takatomo had probably used that key to unlock the lock. She’d opened the door, and gone on the roof. Then, she’d jumped off.

Tobi had stared intently at Takatomo’s form after she landed in the courtyard. Despite that, he couldn't remember any details. Takatomo had been facing downwards. But what about her face? Had her face been downturned? Or had it faced to the side? Had her arms and legs been bent? Or had they been straight?

As he closed his eyes and thought back, his heart went into a frenzy. His chest began to hurt.

No, don't think back on it.

It was like Tobi’s heart was trying to drive him back.

“...What the hell.”

He heard footsteps. Someone was coming up the stairs, from the second floor to the third. Tobi was sitting on the stairs from the third floor to the roof. He let out a sigh.

Tobi tried to stand up.

“Ah.”

The one climbing up the stairs was Shiratama. Upon seeing Tobi, Shiratama’s face broke into a smile.

“So you were here, Otogiri-kun.”

“Well…”

Tobi hung his head and sat on the steps once again. For the time being, Shiratama stood in front of Tobi. Neither of them said a word. After a while, Shiratama sat down beside Tobi.

“Were you looking for Tobi, O-Ryuu?” Baku asked.

Shiratama nodded.

“Yes. I wanted to talk to him.”

“That’d be dull, talking to this guy. Unlike me, Tobi sucks at communication after all.”

“No way. He’s not dull at all.”

Shiratama fiddled with the pochette on her lap.

“I‘ve never once felt dull while talking with Otogiri-kun.”

“It’s only been a little while though…”

As Tobi chose his words, he stared at Shiratama’s fingers which held the pochette. Her fingernails were cut neatly. None of the white parts could be seen.

“It hasn't been that long since we started talking.”

“Now that you mention it, that’s true.”

After that, Shiratama muttered, “How strange.”

What was strange? Tobi tried to ask, but for some reason he couldn't.

In the end, he barely talked to Shiratama. It wasn't like they were completely silent. But they didn't talk enough for it to qualify as conversation. Even though people passed by with a look that said, ‘What’re these two doing?’, Shiratama didn't seem to mind. To be honest, Tobi minded, a little. But then he felt if Shiratama didn't have a problem with it, then it was fine, and gradually stopped caring.

Until class started for the afternoon, the two of them stayed on the steps of the special classroom building. Now and then they would give a bland answer or two, but other than that they just sat side by side.

He didn't dislike it. He found it strange how it didn't get awkward even when they were silent.

In the middle of fifth period, Asamiya Shinobu with the long bangs suddenly raised his hand.

“What’s wrong, Asamiya?” the teacher noticed, and called out.

Asamiya had his right hand raised, but both elbows were on his desk and his head drooped. He wasn't saying anything.

The classroom rose in a clamor, then shortly went quiet again. Finally, Asamiya spoke.

“I don't feel well.”

“I see. It’s better you don't force yourself. Who’s the health committee member in this class?”

“Me.”

“Kon. Take Asamiya to the infirmary.”

“Alri~ght.”

As Kon stood up, there was a loud noise. It didn't come from Kon. It was the sound of Asamiya standing up. Asamiya shoved his chair back and rushed towards the exit.

Kon chased after Asamiya frantically.

“Asamiya-kun!”

“Don’t come!”

Asamiya pulled open the door and glared at Kon. He looked terribly menacing. Kon stepped back with a start.

“I‘ll be fine on my own, so…”

Asamiya weakly added what sounded like an excuse, and ran out the classroom.

“Scary…” someone said in a small voice.

Voices rose up here and there like a chain reaction.

“Quiet down!”

The teacher clapped his hands together.

“We’re in the middle of class. Kon, return to your seat.”

“But…”

Kon looked back and forth from the door to Asamiya’s empty seat. Was she worried about Asamiya?

For some reason, Tobi turned his gaze towards Masamune. He had both hands clasped in front of his mouth. It may have been a coincidence, but it was a pose that resembled the ‘speak no evil’ monkey on his head.

Kon returned to her seat, and the teacher resumed the lesson.

Is that alright? Tobi thought. Was it alright to leave Asamiya be? Did Asamiya really get to the infirmary by himself?

His gaze met Shiratama’s several times. Her brows were a bit furrowed, and her lips pulled slightly tight. When their eyes met around the end of the class, Shiratama moved her lips like she was trying to say something. He couldn't clearly make out what she was trying to say.

When the bell rang signaling the end of the fifth period, Tobi stood up before the teacher announced the end of class. Right before he got out of the classroom, he noticed that he’d forgotten Baku.

“Oi, Tobi! Hey! You!” Baku shouted.

Tobi ignored him and left the classroom. He hurried down the hallway in long strides. Where was he trying to go? For the time being he headed towards the restroom, but he didn't have any business there. That wasn't Tobi’s destination.

He stopped outside the infirmary. Even though he’d walked here on his own two feet, he thought, “Here?”

It was here.

The infirmary.

He just couldn't stop thinking about Asamiya. Was he at the infirmary, or wasn't he? He wanted to check.

Check, and then what? There wasn't really anything for him to do. He’d never talked to Asamiya. He didn't feel like he wanted to talk to him either.

Something was weird. Tobi was doing something weird. It was strange, if he did say so himself.

No, he hadn't put it into action yet. He could still change his mind. He just had to turn back.

“Otogiri-kun!”

If Shiratama hadn't run up panting, Tobi would definitely have turned back. Shiratama ran to his side and bent forward, clutching her chest.

“...I... I was also… concerned about….A…Asamiya-kun…”

“That doesn't mean you had to run here at full speed…”

“Ugh… Otogiri-kun, you were super fast. I -I tried to catch up and…”

Shiratama produced a handkerchief from her skirt pocket and wiped her face.

“I ended up getting sweaty.”

“Was it necessary to chase after me…”

“Now that you mention it, for some reason, yes.”

“Um…”

Tobi hesitated. Without a moment’s delay, Shiratama said “Hm?” and pressed her face close. Tobi leaned back a bit, but didn't step back. Somehow he kept his feet planted.

“I… how to put it. I don't really have any common ground with Asamiya…”

“I get along pretty well with him.”

“Ah, is that so.”

“We were in the same class in first year. We got along well enough to make small talk from time to time.”

“Small talk…”

“‘It’s sunny today’ or ‘It gets pretty hot around this time, huh’ or ‘It’s getting cold, huh?’”

“That’s getting along well?”

“I can’t talk about the weather with someone I get along badly with.”

“...Is that so.”

“Am I wrong?”

“Who knows. I don't really understand socializing anyway. Shiratama-san is probably more correct…”

“I‘m correct?”

“Probably.”

“To hear Otogiri-kun affirm my opinion. That makes me kind of happy.”

Shiratama ducked her head bashfully, and put her handkerchief in her pocket.

Shiratama entered the infirmary with an “Excuse me.” Tobi had never used the infirmary before, but he knew there was a white-robed school nurse.

The school nurse wasn't there.

Was she there in her place?

A bespectacled female student sat on a chair with a backrest with her legs crossed.

“Huh?”

As the student looked at Shiratama, her eyes blinked from behind her glasses.

“If it isn't Shiratama Dango.”¹

“Shizukudani-san.”

Shiratama looked unsurprised, and said hello with a slight bow.

¹ Shiratama’s double bun hairstyle is called ‘o-dango’. Shiratama is also a kind of white dango

He’d completely forgotten.

One of their classmates did infirmary schooling. Shiratama had been the one to tell Tobi that. So naturally, Shiratama had expected that student to be in the infirmary.

“You sure are stupidly polite as usual, Shiratama Dango.”

Shizikudani looked down her nose and laughed. She put her elbows on the desk and twirled a pen with one hand. Considering how she’d stopped going to school, and after that started infirmary schooling, she seemed quite relaxed.

“Wait, ‘Shiratama Dango’ is…”

As Tobi hissed under his breath, Shizukudani stopped twirling the pen.

“You. What was your name again. Class 3’s super oddball, aren't you? Ah, Shiratama Dango, you don't have to tell me. I wanna remember on my own. I think I can remember on my own. Mm… right. I got it. That’s right. Otogiri Tobi. I got it right, didn't I?”

“...That’s right…”

“From now on I‘m calling you Tobi-tobi.”

“Eh…?”

“Obi-obi or Giri-giri or Tobi-tobi. Which would you prefer?”

“...Well, Tobi-tobi I guess.”

“Then, Tobi-tobi it is.”

“What’s with this person…”

“I‘m Shizukudani~ I‘m called ‘Ruka-chin’. My full name is Shizukudani Rukana. You can call me Ruka-chin, but that weirdly pisses me off, so if you really call me that I'll beat you up. Nice to meet ya.”

Shizukudani stabbed her pen through the air with an “Ay!” Tobi didn't want to be beaten up or stabbed. It seemed best to avoid calling her Ruka-chin. Not that he wanted to use such a friendly way of calling her.

He looked around the infirmary briefly. There was one bench without a backrest. One round table, on top of which sat a laptop. Two chairs. The beds were partitioned by curtains, and there were three in total. Among them, only the one in front of them had the curtains closed.

“Shizukudani-san, did Asamiya-kun come to the infirmary?”

As Shiratama asked, Shizukudani pointed at the bed with the closed curtain with her pen.

“He’s there. Resting. He wasn't feeling well or something.”

Shiratama gazed up at the ceiling and closed her eyes. She put both hands to her chest and breathed a sigh.

“....Thank goodness.”

“Hm?”

Shizukudani tilted her head and looked at Tobi. Why was she looking at him? Tobi looked away.

The curtain opened, and Asamiya’s face poked out.

“Shiratama-san…Otogiri too. What’d you come here for?”

Rather than his physical condition, Asamiya’s mood seemed to be terrible. He glared at them with upturned eyes, and Shiratama seemed crestfallen.

“Asamiya—”

Tobi got till here, then hesitated. Should he add -kun, or -san? Asamiya had just called him ‘Otogiri’, so maybe he didn't need to add anything.

“Your hair.”

“...Eh?”

“Your bangs. They’re long.”

“Yeah…”

“In the morning, the teacher in front of the gate with the black-rimmed glasses—”

“Yagarashima-sensei?”

“I don't know his name. Doesn't that teacher give you warnings?”

“He does, sometimes.”

“I thought so.”

“Mn.”

“That’s all.”

As he finished talking, Tobi wondered what he was trying to say. Tobi didn't even know himself, so Asamiya must be even more confused.

“...Seriously, what'd you come here for? Shiratama aside, Otogiri, you’ve never talked to me have you?”

“That’s true…”

“Actually, not just me, I‘ve practically never seen Otogiri talk to anybody.”

“Yeah…” Tobi let out a hum without thinking.

If he were in Asamiya’s position, he would probably feel pretty strange.

“Um!”

Had a lifeboat come to save him? Shiratama cut in quite fiercely.

“How are you feeling, Asamiya-kun? Does it hurt somewhere?”

“...It’s not really that…”

Asamiya sat up in bed. He wasn't wearing shoes. He’d taken them off and left them on the floor. Tobi widened his eyes.

There was something under the bed. Had Asamiya not noticed it? Even though it was right by his feet. Maybe it hadn't entered his field of vision. If he lowered his gaze he should definitely have been able to see it. It wasn't small. It had to be about the size of a human torso. It had considerable size.

Its form resembled a human torso as well. The thing had arms. However, it wasn't two. Four arms sprung from it. It had a head as well. It was bald. He couldn't quite make out its features. It looked a bit like a human, a bit like some mysterious creature. It had not one pair of eyes, but two. It had four eyes.

Tobi searched Shiratama’s expression allusively. Shiratama glanced at Tobi and smiled slightly. Was that smile trying to tell him something?

Tobi had heard about Shizukudani from Shiratama. The owner of year 2 class 3’s empty seat. She did infirmary schooling. She’d been in the same class as Shiratama in first year.

And she’d had a weird thing with her.

Tobi’s Baku.

Shiratama’s Chinu, a.k.a. Chinurasha, hidden in her bag.

Masamune’s ‘say no evil’ monkey.

Kon Chiami’s thing, which resembled a bat, or a flying squirrel.

Compared to those, Shizukudani’s weird thing was pretty weird. It was no exaggeration to call it grotesque. It was practically a monster. Its appearance was ghastly, and its movements were disturbing too.

Shizukudani’s monster wiggled its four arms, its fingers squirming restlessly, and began moving across the floor with a horrifying smoothness. On top of that, it seemed to be able to climb up walls. It was like a bug. It would be quite horrifying if there were a bug of that size. What’s more, it looked slightly human-like. It was nightmarish.

Shikuzudani’s monster crawled along the walls and into the corner of the ceiling, and curled its four arms inwards dexterously. Its four eyes flitted around, looking here and there.

“It’s a bit weird, isn't it.” Asamiya said in a dark tone.

Shikuzudani’s monster? Tobi thought for a second. But Asamiya seemed to be talking about something else.

“Our class. It’s weird. I couldn't stand it anymore…”

“Weird?”

Shizukudani asked no one in particular, twirling her pen. After asking the question, she answered it herself with an “Ah, I see.”

“The incident, huh? The jumping incident. If the class were all right, that sorta thing wouldn't have happened. Of course. It’s terrible, huh. Ruka-chin is in the infirmary division, so I don't know a thing about the situation though.”

Asamiya clicked his tongue and shook his head, seeming annoyed.

“If you don't understand then don't say anything.”

“How scary.”

Shizukudani shuddered and hugged her own shoulders. It seemed like a deliberate shudder.

“Stop it, that kind of thing. It’s scary. Ruka-chin had stopped going to school. I‘ve finally gotten to be able to do infirmary schooling, you know?”

“As if I care. Miyu’s unconscious and in critical condition, you know. We don't even know if she can be saved…”

This time, Asamiya shuddered. Unlike Shizukudani, he really seemed to shiver uncontrollably.

“Sorryyy.”

Shizukudani clasped her hands together. It didn't seem like a sincere apology.

“Who’s Miyu though? Who? Ah, Takatomo-san? Takatomo Miyuki, was it. Her name. So, ‘Miyu’? Eh? Are you dating?”

“Of course not. ….No. Our houses were close by, so we’re childhood friends. But we didn't talk much after middle school. It’s just, our parents know each other and…”

“A relationship based on familial connection, right?”

As Shiratama nodded, seemingly satisfied with that explanation, Asamiya said, “Like I said!”, raising his voice.

“We're not in a relationship. How many times do I have to say…”

“Asamiya, you're pretty emotionally unstable, aren't you?”

Shizukudani chuckled. The monster-bearing owner of the empty seat didn't seem to have a great personality.

“But it’s true that that class² has a problem. Ruka-chin is in attendance at the infirmary five days a week, so I have a pretty good grasp of the situation. There’s a good number of them, class 3 kids who come here going ‘my stomach hurts’ or whatever. That kinda thing, usually the problem is mental, isn't it? About that, not to brag or anything but I‘m pretty well informed. Just as a related party, ok?”

“...Miyu too?” Asamiya probed.

Shizukudani immediately responded “Yes”, in English for some reason.

² written as ‘year 2 class 3’, pronounced as ‘that class’

“Recently, she’s come several times. Rested a bit, took some medicine. Aside from her, from the top of my mind, Yoshizawa-kun? The hot guy. And a while ago, Murahama-san and Shimomaeda-san came a lot. Ah, not together, mind you. Separately.”

From hearing their names, Yoshizawa was the only one whose face Tobi could recall. ‘The hot guy’, Shizukudani had said. He was a refreshing and sweet-looking handsome guy.

“Murahama, Shimomaeda…”

Asamiya muttered and bit the thumb of his right hand.

“They’re both girls who’re friendly with Kon. Just a while ago, Miyu was hanging out with her too.”

Tobi and Shiratama exchanged a look.

Kon Chiami always had a bat-like, flying squirrel-like weird thing clinging to her back.

So, what did that mean?

He had no way of concretely explaining it, but he was caught up on that.

Shiratama lowered her gaze and spoke.

“Kon-san seemed to be quite shocked though…”

Indeed, between second and third period, Kon had openly cried in front of everyone. The two girls who comforted her were probably Murahama and Shimomaeda.

“None of that matters, though.”

Asamiya held his head in both hands and ran his fingers through his hair.

“...No matter who cries and shouts, It’s not like Miyu’s gonna get better. We don't even know if she has any hope of getting better. Not knowing… It's terrible, isn't it. I‘m so scared… I can't sleep. I end up just thinking about bad things. Being unconscious… I wonder what that feels like. Is she unable to hear sounds? Can she even dream? Or can she not feel the slightest thing? Miyu’s in the hospital… all alone, isn't she lonely? Unable to move, and in pain, too. Why didn't I notice anything? No… that’s not true. To be honest, I was thinking, that Miyu was acting strange. I wondered if something was wrong. But I hadn't talked to her in ages, if I suddenly talked to her, that might’ve been creepy. So… I didn't do anything. To think such a thing would happen…”

Shizukudani looked out the window and twirled her pen. Her monster stayed in the corner of the ceiling, unmoving.

The bell rang.

Asamiya raised his head and looked up at Tobi and Shiratama with dull eyes.

“Don't you have to go? Sixth period’s starting, isn't it?”

“That’s… true.”

Shiratama hugged the pochette containing Chinu. Was she hesitating?

“You skipping?” he ventured.

Horrified, Shiratama shook her head, her long hair swaying.

“I‘m not skipping class. It’s not that… Asamiya-kun.”

“What.”

Asamiya reached for the curtain.

“I want to lie down for a bit. If you’re going to class, then hurry up and go.”

“Do you want to pay her a—”

“...Huh?”

“A visit? At the hospital Takatomo-san is staying in. Otogiri-kun too, If you’d like.”

“Eh?”

He was completely caught off guard.

Shiratama looked at Tobi with a terribly earnest gaze. Could it be this was a request? If he wasn't mistaken, she seemed to be pleading with him. He couldn't help but feel that way.

A visit?

To the hospital?

Takatomo’s?

Why?

Even if they went, it wasn't like she had a little illness or broken bones. Takatomo was in critical condition. They said she was unconscious. In other words, visitors wouldn't be allowed, would they? But Shiratama had to have known all that too. In spite of that, she’d suggested they pay her a visit for some reason. It seemed like Shiratama wanted to bring Tobi along.

“...Well, I‘m fine with that.”

After school, Tobi, along with Asamiya and Shiratama, headed towards the hospital Takatomo Miyuki was staying at. Walking to the hospital took fifteen minutes.

Asamiya negotiated with general reception, but Takatomo was in the ICU, and as expected, they weren't accepting visitors. Even family members could only see her face for a limited amount of time.

“I see, right…”

Asamiya crashed down on the bench of the waiting room. Tobi and Shiratama didn't sit down.

“Coming here on a whim is all well and good but there’s no way we’d be able to see her…”

“Takatomo-san is in the intensive care unit, isn't she? Shall we go?”

Had Shiratama not given up yet? Why hadn't she given up? Tobi couldn't understand. Asamiya seemed confused as well.

“We can't go inside anyway, I don't think it’ll work…”

“Just in case.”

Shiratama seemed intent on going.

“O-Ryuu is surprisingly pushy, huh.” Baku muttered.

Shiratama glanced at Baku and opened her mouth in a slight smile.

Checking the floor plan of the hospital which hung on the wall, they found out the ICU was on the third floor of that building. They could get to the third floor simply by taking the elevator, but before the ICU was a locked door. To go beyond that point, they needed hospital staff to unlock it with an ID card, or use the intercom to ask them to open it from the inside.

“That’s why I told you…”

Asamiya seemed more sad than angry.

On their way back, they noticed a small waiting room. A woman sitting there on a bench called out to Asamiya.

“Shinobu-kun?”

The woman seemed to be Takatomo’s mother. She grew teary eyed as Asamiya approached.

“You came all the way here? I'm sorry, Shinobu-kun. Miyu isn't in a state to see anyone…”

“No, I was prepared to not be able to see her… but I just couldn't stay put… ”

In a choked voice, Asamiya introduced Shiratama and Tobi to Takatomo’s mother as classmates. Takatomo’s mother kept ducking her head, thanking them for coming.

To be honest, Tobi couldn't stand it anymore.

He found Takatomo’s mother pitiful. Tobi himself didn't even know what feelings he held towards Takatomo. Was he supposed to talk to her mother? Tobi had witnessed the precise moment Takatomo had jumped. He hadn't been able to stop her. He hadn't tried to stop her. Should he apologize to Takatomo’s mother for that? He had to apologize. Did he feel bad? He felt peculiar about it.

The human known as Otogiri Tobi didn't particularly feel any guilt. Maybe his heart was cold.

Why was such a cold-hearted person here right now?

At the hospital Takatomo was hospitalized in.

Shiratama gently tugged on Tobi’s sleeve.

Asamiya was talking with Takatomo’s mother. It seemed that Shiratama wanted to leave. Tobi nodded.

After going with Shiratama, they somehow ended up going back to the ICU. Of course, the door was still closed.

“We can’t go in, can we?” Tobi said.

Without answering, Shiratama opened her pochette.

A small fluffy animal emerged from the pochette. It had two horns on its head. Without saying, it was Chinu, a.k.a. Chinurasha.

Chinu jumped from the pochette to Shiratama’s arm. She wasn't slow, but it was an unsteady movement. Even so, Chinu climbed up Shiratama’s arm and finally onto her shoulder. Chinu faced them, looking pleased for some reason.

“Yo.”

As Baku casually greeted her, Chinu cocked her head and let out an “Uyuu—” Not to imitate Chinu, but Tobi cocked his head as well.

“...Eh? What?”

“Chinu.”

Shiratama pulled her head inwards and rubbed her cheek against Chinu. Chinu didn't even tremble.

Tobi opened his mouth, but was held back by Baku.

“Shh. Stay quiet, Tobi.”

What?

He wanted to protest, but even Baku wouldn't say something like that without reason. Tobi stared steadily at Shiratama and Chinu.

Chinu’s round eyes were vacant.

She appeared to be asleep.

“Can’t you reach it here? How about it? Chinu…”

Shiratama whispered to Chinu.

Can’t reach what?

Chinu’s tiny mouth moved.

“Why”

He heard it clearly. It was a voice. It wasn't a cry. It was different from Chinu’s voice.

It wasn't Shiratama’s voice either. Of course, nor was it Tobi’s or Baku’s.

“Why? My. —my…”

It wasn't a male voice. It was a girl’s voice. Tobi got chills.

“...wh— eh? Whose…”

“I … why… the key… I mean… the key was…”

Was it Chinu? Chinu wasn't moving her mouth like a human did when they talked. But she opened and closed her mouth just the slightest bit. So was Chinu the one talking?

Why was Chinu talking?

Was this Chinu’s voice?

“The key… the key…to the roof…in my desk…the key…”

It sounded like a young woman's voice.

The key.

The key, to the roof?

In her desk?

“Ah—”

Tobi shivered. It wasn't like he remembered that voice. Even within his class, there were extremely few faces he could assign names to. He wouldn't remember a voice unless it was special. Then, could it be? Tobi wondered internally. The girl’s voice was coming from Chinu’s mouth. Was that possible? It didn't make any sense. It was crazy.

Wasn't that Takatomo Miyuki’s voice? he thought.

“It seems like we reached it, somehow,” Shiratama said.

“Takatomo-san’s voice.”

It was a voice that shouldn't have been audible.

A voice that shouldn't have rang out.

The girl was severely injured and unconscious. She was getting treatment on the bed of the ICU.

“I can’t do it anymore…”

The words that came out of Chinu rang in Tobi’s ears.

That day, Takatomo had run out of year 2 class 3’s classroom and never returned. Right before that, the girl had shouted.

“I can't do it anymore.”

-----

prev: 2-3 // next: 3-2

Misc-

Shizukudani refers to herself as ‘Ruka-chin’ in third person (generally considered childish)

Takatomo uses ‘atashi’

the rest is just my own rambling

Chapter quote- ‘The Yark’ is a children’s story about a monster called the Yark who eats children, specifically good children. He befriends a child who shows him kindness, but leaves her after struggling between his love for her and the desire to eat her. Later he gains immunity to eating naughty children, and is excited to test out his unlimited appetite, which upsets the child. The Yark claims it’s in a monster’s nature to eat children, and the child laments that in order to live, you have to kill and eat other living beings. Later, the Yark tries to eat but finds he can no longer bear to eat children as every child reminds him of his dear friend. He ends up transforming into a guardian figure for children at night.

Let me tell you it was a doozy to find the official English translation of this quote. (the original is in French, but I thought it would be best to find the English version instead of trying to translate it again from the Japanese version) The only free transcript I could find online was an 11 part reading of the book by a primary school teacher on youtube. Yeah I ended up listening to the whole thing. Missed the quote the first time round too, had to go back a second time-_- But it was a lovely story. Very fitting for the themes of this novel.