#tell me if you didnt want this published ill delete it

[xhuth]

yeah "nazi furs get out" is not a New Thing or anything Specific To This Very Cultural Moment furries have been vocally against nazis in their community for a while now and its just this sudden visibility of it with how memes are being distributed rn... idk where i was going with this but yeah

ya pretty much

[willowedwisteria]

oh lord im so fecking sorry for my friend that pulled an essay on you- i didnt know they would add some stuff about the past events until i found out today.

but ig its time ill tell the truth, and its a stupid one honestly. im currently under the weather and starving so i might write a bit shorter than usual.

so, uh. the reason why i was avoiding yall back then, was because- uh-

i felt like i was the last resort, you know, the third, fourth, fifth wheeler in a friend group. this wasnt the first i’ve experienced it. i know i speak a lot and tend to interrupt (truly sorry for that), and sometimes i was told to talk less or just be quiet.

i was also told that i always interrupt every conversation when a common interest was mentioned irl.

i already mentioned it in my blog but im going to say it again, i honestly felt like i have to please everyone on the discord server, that i have to play my cards right to please the many interests of everyone there.

dont get me wrong, i love feeding all of you fics about your fav(maybe slander them in the process too), but over time it felt like i was working hard just for recognition that “hey, im here. i still exist.”

again, this wasnt the first time i’ve experienced this. heck, i wrote like 2-3 fics just for gaile (one of them is diluc), like i was tryna impress for whatever reason. and honestly? i regret feeding gaile now. i dont hate gaile, i just regret writing fics for them.

and yes, im sensitive, i tend to get jealous of petty things, ill admit that. but i try to reason myself that “your moots have lives outside of tumblr, Hana. Of course they won’t notice your work/message/etc.”

honestly sound like im guilt tripping but im genuinely not.

i hated that i have to please people even on the internet, as if i was born to make everyone around me happy, forever making me an afterthought.

like that time where i send out a message that it was also my birthday but was met with silence, so i quickly deleted it out of embarrassment. (gunter and i shared the same birthday, surprisingly.)

and yes, i regret send that ask to you. i really do. sagau villain au has gotten way too stale here, another major reason why i regretted that. and yes it was supposed to be what my friend previously said, but i didnt expect it to blow up and it to become your au.

i often get attacked whenever i mentioned that i was the reason it blew up, but thats selfish of me, i shouldve kept my mouth shut. ahh yes, the good times where my tumblr blogs were too dangerous for me and my former followers. hah

ah flip, i got sidetracked haha. im not seeking for forgiveness, nor am i asking to interact with my former moots again. i came here to tell the truth.

a petty, childish truth.

but we all have flaws no matter how well we hide it.

im under the weather, family and childhood has messed me up, and honestly i feel like ending it all sometimes one way or another.

however, if you do want to interact with me again, feel free to tag me, even if i dont respond much. i wont respond at all if its in pms, im too awkward for that. you can decide whether you want to publish this ask or not, i dont mind.

-Hana

I have no right to say that I can truly understand how you feel since I didn't go through what you had to painfully experience, but I can say that I relate to it.

But, let's not talk about me right now.

You don't have to apologize, it was partially my fault. Your friend must have brought it up to me because I needed to at least know.

If avoiding us was your last resort, then I and I hope the rest of your old mutuals respect your decision. Tumblr may not have a place for you, but you definitely will always have a special seat in my blog.

You've been so strong after facing so much unnecessary hate. If you've experienced such hurtful comments about you supposedly interrupting someone else, unintentionally or not, I can kind of see why this was your last resort.

Recognition, fame, to not be forgotten. I don't know how to console or help you, but I'm glad you decided to take the time off of Tumblr. This is an unhealthy mindset.

If you look back into my blog, I also felt jealous of things such as notes and stuff. I felt insecure because my fics weren't doing well and I thought my writing had become terrible. I was insecure. I think you went through something similar.

You don't have to call yourself sensitive because many people also surprisingly feel this way as well. It's a valid and plausible thing, but it's also very unhealthy. Tumblr was just supposed to be this place to interact and have fun, and take a break from life.

I really wish I got to know more about you and bond with you. You seem like a wonderful person. However, for now, I don't think you'd need that.

Again, I'm so sorry for the trouble. That one mistake of mine escalated so much. We might not know each other that well, and nor do your old mutuals, but I'm sure many did miss you.

Thank you for your time here and for being here.

Thank you for the truth, Hana.

[italianeyes]

what is Maurice about in a nutshell (or feel free to start rambling if u want)

im prob gonna start rambling but i'll try to not do that. basically it's about this guy (maurice) coming to terms with his homosexuality and the movie and book basically document the ups and downs of his love life. but the whacky thing is he has to keep mum abt everything bc it's edwardian england and having the big gay was illegal back then. and the book was written during that time too bc the author (e.m. forster) was gay but it wasnt published till after his death bc if he released a gay book where the protagonist got a happy ending people woulda roasted the fuck outta him so he finished it in 1914 and kept it under his bed i think and it wasn't published till 1971. he didnt wanna change the ending at all bc "a happy ending was imperative" which is king shiz imo bc go him i love that. if u wanna know why i love it so much ill tell u and i will try to keep this as short as possible bc i could write essays upon essays. mainly bc it has a happy ending unlike the other gay movies ive seen cough cough brokeback mountain. also it's really really reallyyyyy pretty like the aesthetic of it it's just so pleasant to watch. the acting is off the charts man like it's on point it is so so SO good you can tell what the characters are thinking at any given moment. it's got bombass soundtrack literally the best soundtrack to any movie ive ever heard i blasted it on repeat for a month straight it goes so hard. also i really love how romantic it is it's just wowie wow you know like wow wow its really romantic and makes my heart v happy. and the directing,, chef kiss emoji the shots are so pretty and there's so many parallels it's crazy like u can tell they put actual effort into making the movie. also all the actors got dat tymmy yhmmy ymmymyy yum (before they all got mustaches) and finally alec scudder bruh you really dont need any other reason to love the movie besides him. the only flaw is that there's some deleted scenes that i feel are so vital to the movie but they got cut from it which is really not epic or cash money but a lot are on yt so it's ok i just watchthem in order w the movie. i hope this helped:^) also thanks for asking i love talking about this movie and not to flex but actually yeah to flex but i watched it 12 times in 2 months and it's become a habit to watch every weekend bc it gives me so much comfort and serotonin and makes me feel like everything is gonna be ok.