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[deadbydelight]

😭😭❤❤ (my words are stuck in my throat because she deserves the world)

My bestie @deadbydelight drew me Felix!! I’m so in love with this!! Thank you so much!!

[deadbydelight]

Lord I want to remake this blog it's such a mess ! Gotta work on that. Would you like that ? Like, putting a master list, cleaning everything and reogarnizing?

[deadbydelight]

Anyone has their discord to share with me or anything ? Am dealing with a break up since last wednesday and I wish to play more dbd now that I have a capable pc. Or maybe just people to talk about dbd idk monster bf and gf too hhhhng I wanna get back into so much stuff but I can't bring myself to be motivated lmao

[deadbydelight]

CALLOUT POST @ ALL WRITERS

write

[deadbydelight]

I just read your recent post. Im so sorry. I did just request something but please take your time. Rest. Stay hydrated. Eat well. Sleep. Please take care of yourself. You are way more important than our requests. Stay safe!! ♥️♥️

Hey there, that's quite alright ^^ I did take the rest and am faring much better now ! Am planning on writing and posting soon again, I missed this blog and everything that goes with it!!

Thanks for being patient with me, you're all so nice ❤❤

[deadbydelight]

A little story time + explanation as to why I wasn’t active all this time

Hello there! First of I’d like to say am sorry for not bringing any news nor any sign of life in this blog for more than a year. I deeply apologize for all those who made requests and never got to see anything come out of it.

As for the future of this blog, I really don’t wanna stop because I actually really enjoyed it, loved meeting new people from the dbd fandom and sharing all kind of stuff... But at the same time I feel really insecure about my writing because of what hapenned to me so I’ll see what I will do.

Not gonna lie, I feel like this is probably going to be a long rant and I understand if you don’t want to delve into it too deep or if it scares you. I’m going to talk about pretty sensitives subjects here and I’m not the type who give another name to horrendous actions.

Just in case, I will warn about anything that could possibly trigger you or anyone for that matter: WARNING FOR, sexual abuse, grooming, gaslighting, emotional disorder, psychological manipulations, polyamorous relationship, toxic behaviour, depression, mention of suicide.

Intro:

It all began when I started going to uni, which was in 2015. I was 17 at the time and turned 18 in november. I never got into any serious relationships before that (and by that I mean that I didn’t even kiss anyone, the most I did was holding hands) and was thrilled to extend my horizon as I met so many people with whom I had passions in common, such as video games, animes etc. I came from a very rural side so it used to be rare for me to meet people who actually liked those.

There, I met two people with whom I spend my entire years of studies, a young couple (both 26) who were really fond of video games, animes and whatsoever, and with whom I bonded very easily. I will name the guy B. and the girl M.

The first semester pass and I find myself growing closer to M. She’s a very fun girl, who knows a lot of pop culture stuff and since I drew a lot I sometimes would draw her fanarts of her favourite characters etc, but that’s not relevant here. We grew closer and closer... Until it turned out she kissed me fully on the lips. I was very astonished at the time, but yeah it turns out she grew feelings for me even though she was with B., and for sure, he also knew about it but didn’t mind apparently. In fact I even had some good talks with him too, but I felt more related to her.

Now this is where it’s going to get dirty.

I was really... A lost and inexperienced girl when it came to relationship. I was told for most of my highschool years that I was ugly, that I wasn’t one of the cool kid (may sound stupid but hey, it is actually stupid). I didn’t know what to do with M.’s affection and was even more confused as to how B. was okay with it (My mind wasn’t really open to poly stuff). But somehow you know what? It felt nice to finally be told that I was beautiful to the eyes of somebody else than my familly. It felt good to be desired, and as I said... I didn’t really know what I was doing. And one fateful night on Skype, B. asks me if I would be okay with a polyamorous relationship.

I have never in my life regretted an answer as this one. I said yes. And believe me when I say this, the beginning of it was actually quite nice. But when they started wanting something more sexual, this is where my body blocked itself completely. M. tried to make me relax, B. too, but everytime they would try to touch me sexually I would just tense and keep their hands at bay. It took me time, But I eventually realised that this wasn’t what I wanted. As much as I had affection for them, I just couldn’t bring myself to embrace the relationship. I talked about my uneasiness to M. and she was sorry to learn of it, but accepted that it would be over. However for B. ... It didn’t went as smoothly. He was very sad about it and as an hyper sensitive person, my empathy went on the roof and I felt very sorry for him because he apparently was projecting himself with both M. and I in his life.

This is where the manipulation began. He told me it would be hard for him to “stop” our relationship just like that. That it would be better if we stopped “little by little” and I allow myself the brackets because I don’t think any couples breaking up do this. He convinced me that, in order for him to hurt less, it would be better to have sex with him at least one time for him to let go.

Now that I look at it like that it sounds so WRONG. SO STUPID. But guess who was stupid enough to believe him, and felt guilty for breaking up? That’s right, good ol’ me. It turned out that his promise of “slowly being less affectionate with time” didn’t occur at all and it was quite the contrary. (Important to note that M. wasn’t aware of any oh this) Our relationship grew damn right wrong. Inside of me, I knew it was wrong as well, I would spend night crying and weeping because I was “that girl” who was clearly betraying one of her best friend by having a sexual affair with her bf. And guess what, everytime I wanted to get out of it or even tell M., B. would convince me that it was okay, it was just my uptight moral which was making me feel this way. Then he started thirsting for having both girls at the same time again... And he would force me to flirt with M., even though she and I agreed to stop everything. He wanter “our hapinness back” but it was so so messed up.

With time he grew slightly less and less charming. Aggressive, demanding and always criticizing me for everything. I had to message him every 5 minutes about what I was doing, if I played a video game, it had to be with him. If I talked to anyone but him via skype of phone, I had to screen him the convo so that he could be sure that I wasn’t lying to him or “cheating” on him. He even asked for screens of Skype’s conversation with M. to make sure that I was flirting with her.

He would coach me in everything that I did. It could be the most trivial thing really: video games, drawing, reading, writing, what I should be wearing, what films to watch etc. It all became a source of stress to me because he wasn’t a good critic at all. He would insults me for mistakes I’d do, make me feel worthless because I didn’t listen to him enough and I ended up being really tense and weary of all those activities I love. He especially loathed that I liked horror stuff (and mostly dbd) because to him, only “retards would like those kind of thing”.

Meanwhile he would also ask for sex regularly, even when I didn’t want it. He would say “since you love me, you want to make me feel good right?”. So even when I didn’t want any of this, I had to force myself. He made me feel like it was normal, to give him blowjobs and sexual intercourses even though I clearly didn’t want to. One time he tried anal on me and I wasn’t turned on at all. It hurt me real bad and even though I was crying and telling him to stop because it pained me, he continued until he was finished. He later told me the reason I didn’t feel pleasure was because I “was too tense and we should try it again sometimes”.

Literally all about this relationship was wrong. I can still live some of those memories as if they just have been carved in my brain. 2 years ago I got severly depressed and thought about killing myself in my mom’s car by driving into a tree. I almost did it. I felt like my whole life was a fucking disaster. I failed my love life. I failed my english studies. I lost all my close friends because B. was literally asking for so much attention and was cutting me off from all other people but him... I ended up being sent to hospital for a therapy and I was diagnosed with depression. A treatment was given to me. My familly stayed close and did everything they could to help me and so I finally let it all out. It lasted for more than 3 years. This sick relationship between B. and me. I would always come back to him, even when he was in the wrong, he made me feel like if I wasn’t with him, I was nothing. He even got to the point that he didn’t believe I was depressed. And when he finally acknowledged it... It wasn’t his fault.

He tried many tactics to still be with me. Call me on my phone to beg for forgiveness and say he was sorry (even though to him it still wasn’t his fault), make me feel guilty if I tried to meet someone else (”you’re a girl, of course you’ll find someone, all men are pigs and would be happy to find a sexual hole”), told me he had my adress and would come to “serve justice”, said he would hurt himself if I didn’t respond to him and finally, end his life if I couldn’t be with him.

I have a boyfriend now. He’s the sweetest and we’ve been together for a little more than a year. He helped me build myself up once more, was patient and very loving and he made me understand that no, it was not okay of B. to force me to do him sexual favour, that without my consent, it was a big no no. I’m slowly but surely building confidence once again, I’m slowly but surely appreciating drawing, writing etc. So yeah, this is why I got a bit on a hiatus here. Again, sorry for not giving much of a sign of life.

This was wrong. This was sexual abuse. This was an older guy taking advantage of my young age, inexperience and sensitivity. This was an older guy cheating on his girlfriend and gaslighting me to make me feel that it was okay. Even now, I still have nightmare sometimes where he rapes me and I can’t do anything about it. This wounded me deeply and I clearly still have some inner backlashes about what happened. This was just a small sample of it, I could go on and on about how many times he made me feel like shit, like the worst person on earth, like a (excuse my language) whore.

If you ever feel like this because of someone you love... Please, please reach out some other people who can help. Relatives, friends or helping lines through the phone... You deserve hapinness.

I know this is really personal, and maybe a bit rushed right now but I feel like it will help me (maybe) get me to write again. I genuinely enjoyed writing here, having your opinions of what I did, discussing about headcannons, fandom stuff... It was a safe haven to me. Well that is until B. stalked me and found out about this blog and then made me feel really insecure about it. But I cannot forget how much loved and safe I felt here.

To anyone who read this, thank you for your time. To all those who followed me all this time, thank you so much. I’m doing much better now, and I hope I’ll be able to serve you some nice writing soon enough ^^

Take care <3

[deadbydelight]

[deadbydelight]

Hey not to brag but my sister does fucking STUNNING digital paintings on Instagram and it would mean the world to her if y'all went and commented smth nice on em. She's really hard about herself on her art but she does BEAUTIFUL work it is always so gorgeous

[deadbydelight]

This feels really random to me, cuz i just wanted to know if the url "deadbydelight" was taken, and to my utter delight it is taken by a great writing blog! but even more surprising its the fact that its your birthday, so i'll take this opportunity to wish you a great bday! Hope you enjoy yourself today~

This was so pure, I'm a bit upset that I couldn't answer sooner because my laptop died one week ago lol but thank you so much <3 Ill try to bring honor to my blog name by getting better and better at writing hehe

[deadbydelight]

Hiya! I'm a brand new DBD blog that does images/headcannons and whatnot and was wondering if you'd mind giving me a shout-out? If you don't do promos or anything, don't worry about it!! Please feel free to ignore me aaaa!! Thanks!!

No problem ! Don't hesitate to ask ! Go see highdwightofmylife all dbd blogs are valid <3

[deadbydelight]

Hello fellow Pokemon fans and trainers!!

This is a upcoming for-profit Pokemon gym leader zine that is mainly focused on the gym leader's daily lifestyle we would like to reach out to pokemon fans who would possibly be interested in the zine.

To make this zine possible please fill out the short survey down below (Reblog to spread the word and tag a friend if you'd think they would be interested).

Open until December 20th

>>° INTEREST CHECK°<<

@zineapps @fandomzines @zinefeed @zinefans @zine-scene

[deadbydelight]

It's mah birthday today, am pumped!!!!

[deadbydelight]

Are your matchups counted as open along with your requests or are they separate?

Yep! All is open 👍

[deadbydelight]

Some digital practices because  heck am I lacking in it x) just had some fun drawing what was on my mind <3

I’ll be working on some more matchups, coming soon :3

[deadbydelight]

oh?? I'm a doofus,, what're these match-up thingies?

Oh! Well basically you make a small description of yourself, explaining your personality and all and the person you ask this to will match you with a character that they think would suit you best, more or less explaining why they think so! I think it's really exciting to ask because everyone has different headcanons and views!

[deadbydelight]

Hey, I noticed you did matchups, and I was wondering if it would be possible to get one for DBD with a survivor and a killer! I’m a female ENTP, bisexual, with a grunge/punk aesthetic. I’m pretty outgoing and charismatic, and I enjoy being in large groups. I like cracking witty jokes and teasing my friends, as well as spending time hanging out around town or on my college campus. My more negative traits are that I have a tendency to be a bit selfish and sometimes can be impulsive.

Hi there, I'm sorry for the long wait, I think you waited for months and I'll hope you see this oh my

But alas better late than sorry right !

I match you with:

The Legion (Frank Morrison)

Why? You like being in large groups ? Well then the Legion is a good choice, they are pretty united and solid as hell together. Frank would notice right away your outgoing and social demeanor, he likes that a lot and always notice how people are behaving in front of numerous people. He also likes your style and attitude over all. Impulsive ? At least it shows that you have some heat, that spikes his interest a lot. He's much more calculating and calm than he looks (he convinced his friends to stab someone after all remember) so he wouldn't mind your outburst nor your selfishness. After all who isn't? Just know that you won't be able to hide anything from him.

He understands your ENTP just fine, in fact, it totally suits him. He won't ever give you boring stuff to do. The Legion is never boring, they are free. He'll always listen to what you have to say and would never dare leave you alone. It doesn't mean that he will agree with everything you say but hey, what's some fire without fuel. You won't ever get bored nor lonely with the Legion, that's for sure!

Survivor wise, I match you with:

David King.

Why? Like Frank, he'd notice you're outgoing personality right away and immediately bound with you. You're fun and accepting others so easily, seriously to him you're pretty much perfect. He likes when people are honest and would listen to your opinions no matter what, to the condition that you listen to his.

The fact that you get along with large groupe of people make him feel safer : the more united you all are, the easier it'll be to get out of this mess. He's also very stubborn and has a strong protective instinct, he'd be ready to take beatings or even mori from you as long as you're alive. The most conflicting side though is your selfishness since he's such a sausage for taking hits that were meant for you during trials, but in the end I think the both of you would balance that out just fine !

To him it's obvious, you'll be able to live forever, and you'll make sure that he doesn't sacrifice like a potato!

[deadbydelight]

So for the matchup; I tend to be a quiet person, I'm going to college to become a clinical psychologist, I'm a logic based thinker and am good at learning new things and regurgitating information, down to earth, I've been known to sneak up on a few people accidentally, I stress out easily, and I tend to take care of others more than I take care of myself, though I've been trying to get better at that. I'm also the laid back friend who can be told anything and won't judge or get uncomfortable.

Oh boy, my first matchup, am I excited hehe. Let's hope it won't be too bad, am sorry if the result disappoint you !

Alright, enough blabbering let's get into it. I didn't know if you wanted a result for a killer or a survivor so I did both !

I match you with:

The Hillbilly! (Max Thompson Jr)

Why? First of all your personalities are good matches. Your calm demeanor as well as your down to earth personality is exactly what he would need in an s/o. Someone who is calm and collected when he is angry or scared, someone who can understand his body language and who is ready to take care of him despite all the difficulties because of his abusive past.

The fact that you put others before yourself highly convinces me of it, he needs someone with compassion and empathy to help him accept and understand his feelings. Your studies in psychology would definitely allow you to understand his reactions as well as accompanying him toward a sane mindset again. It would take time to get his trust, but you'd be rewarded so dearly after this. With patience and kindness, he's going to cherish you to the end of time, you'd be his anchor, his everything.

Survivor wise, I ship you with :

Nea Carlson.

Why? After all she's drastically different from Max right? Well hear me out ! I think what she would like in you would be your capacity to learn new things quickly. At first she'd be glad that you're not a burden and even a bit jealous of your adaptative personality but after some time she'll trust you completely. Then she'll fall for the fact that you put others before yourself. It also angers her greatly so she'd be there to warn you that you put yourself too much aside. She knows when to put an end to thos and to remind you to take care of yourself.

Also, I think she'd be astonished at your capacity to walk on her unnoticed. How?? She swear she has one fine audition but you keep making her jumpscare (she plays it cool tho) accidentally. She would probably pester you a lot to know your "secret" and would bargain some "secret techniques" of her own to convince you.

All in all what I like the most about the two of you is that you would help balance landing her daring and risky personality while she would voice out when you would need to lay off a bit.

There we go, I don't know if my analysis is okay but I had fun! Hope you do too !