#teoft rambles

[teoft]

I think the fact that a slashed zero is visually similar to the simulations of a black hole is a beautiful coincidence.

[teoft]

I keep reading about artists who are infamous for taking years with commissions and owing tons of people art or refunds.

And here I am getting bumped by a car and lamenting about not being able to work on a commission due to arm hurting. So maybe I can cut myself a bit of slack.

(Re: car: I'm ok physically, in the end only thing that was hurt was my shoulder and my trust in other people in traffic. Mentally though, idk. worrying about everything else but yourself after an incident is not healthy, but I'm working on that.)

[teoft]

Don't you think it's cruel? To have to kill your own kin, for the sake of mankind? That if things went a bit differently, you'd be the one killed, by a being just like you? That you now have more in common with these monsters, yet you choose to protect humanity?

Even then, you either fight and die yourself, or eventually run out of enemies. There will be no more like you, no more of your kin.

Endless Battle, followed by Eternal Solitude.

The Endling Grasshopper, the Last of its Kind.

[teoft]

Getting a copyright email from Redbubble is kinda funny, like they have endless amounts of unlicensed merch made from shitty stolen pngs, but the merch I made from my fanart is completely unacceptable.

While on the topic, go check out my shop:

[teoft]

"Come back to Tumblr", they said.

"The last good social media."

And now it's just one more site that will devour my art for the sake of AI.

I'm tired.

[teoft]

Falling Velocity

Composed by Shunsuke Kikuchi Sound Produced & Arranged by Taku Iwasaki Lyrics by Lotus Juice

You wanna know how I do it, You wanna flow like how I did, God knows why he provided it, The Heat, The Pain, The Heart

[teoft]

Reminiscing

Spring 2020, I applied for a design job/internship and went to the interview. Turned out they wanted a copywriter instead of a designer, despite the brief saying otherwise.

On the bus ride back the news of lockdown reached me, and I remember thinking "Well, shit, there goes the rest of the semester." I also had this weird feeling, like something had changed.

Suddenly four years have passed, and it's all a haze.

Time just keeps slipping through my fingers.

[teoft]

what the fuck

[teoft]

I'm not defending any of these sites, but this fearmongering about standard ToS jargon is tiresome. It is basically on every single ToS of every single website.

[teoft]

I'm just built different, even my bones have bones, I'm Him, I'm The Him Reaper, I'm The Himigami No eyes, I don't need to see the price tag, Took a sip of Styx, that shit was mid, Smoking Lost Souls to even feel anything, Paid the Charon with stacks, I don't believe in pennies, Told him to keep the change and he quit his job.

[teoft]

Do you take comms and if so for how much.

At this current moment no, but I will again after a brief break (week or two).

Here are my current prices:

The difference between color options is that simple is just one or two highlight or base colors, while detailed is fully colored.

[teoft]

Dead I am the one, exterminating son

Vlad III, commonly known as Vlad the Impaler (Romanian: Vlad Țepeș) or Vlad Dracula; 1428/31 – 1476/77) He was the second son of Vlad Dracul, who became the ruler of Wallachia in 1436.

Slippin' through the trees, stranglin' the breeze Dead I am the sky, watchin' angels cry While they slowly turn, conquering the worm

While the angels, all pallid and wan, Uprising, unveiling, affirm That the play is the tragedy, “Man,” And its hero, the Conqueror Worm.

[teoft]

I can't believe the dude who unironically decided to look like tacticool Günther is a creep. /s

[teoft]

Not me stressing over crumbling twitter bc it was and is my largest platform that allowed me to easily find clients.

Not me also stressing the fact that I just need to grow my presence again, especially since Instagram, one of the few actually viable options, is just a clusterfuck of hostile algorithms: no matter what I do, I'm stuck at ~3k followers, and with each new follow I lose like two others.

All of this combined with it seeming like everyone else just surviving all of this with little to no trouble just makes me feel like I'm the problem: I'm just not good enough.

Oh well. I'll just try harder.

[teoft]

Imposter Syndrome

Just some personal thoughts:

I kind of don't know how to word this in a coherent way: Sometimes it feels like I've made this whole grand TEOFT persona up and somehow convinced a lot of people that he is skilled in art, even when I myself feel like I can't draw properly.

I've built up this whole artist persona and set the expectations for what this artist should be capable of. People come to me due to the work I've done previously, even when I feel like I can't achieve the same level any more. Especially if I am not at 100%, for one reason or another.

Sometimes it feels like I am crushed by the weight of the artist persona I've created.

Luckily this feeling passes most of the time when I actually get to work and see myself being able to do art, and clients being happy with their commissions.

[teoft]

Commission venting, feel free to skip.

Idk, the longer a break I take from doing commissions, the harder it is to get new ones. And in turn it becomes even more taxing of a process, so I end up taking a long break.

It all just becomes a jumble of "Is the price too high?", "How did I get so much commission work before?", "Am I just getting worse at art?", "Am I just not worth it anymore?"