#terror camp is the best holiday of the year

[xienst]

MASTERPOST: enstars! summary project

THE ENTIRE ENSTARS! EVENT LORE SUMMARISED: for those who want to speedrun enstars! lore

here is a timeline of all the events in enstars!

this project will aim to summarise as many enstars! stories as possible so u can get the gist of the event stories without having to read through 100 eichi monologues

credits: timeline is copied from wiki

will be updated with links after every story summary!

[PRESENT DAY: year = !]

** events will be referred to by "<season> + <index>

春 SPRING: (C)

Shiny First Years

The Flag's Honor ✻ Crowned Flower Festival

Revival Festival☆Easter Night

Palace of the Ocean

Marching Band

Spring Storm! Dancing Petals, Sakura Festival!

Gang

Sweets Patisserie

Pyjamas

Mail Delivery -> spring section 1 summary

Devil's Mansion

Spring Breeze＊Iconic Book Fair

Lift the Curtains! Yumenosaki Circus

Sacrifice◆Resurrection Sunday of the Undying

Falling Cherry Blossoms＊Wisteria Purple of May

Toy Box

Angel's Wings

Card Battler

Runway

Dream Coloured Prince -> spring section 2 summary

In the Rose Garden

Fresh Green Martial Arts

Yell✳︎Sprawling Happy Spring

Evening Banquet ♪ Band Ensemble

Performance! The Tragicomedy of Romeo and Juliet

Secret Labyrinth

At Your Service! UNDEAD Cafe

Leap! Principal of the Lake's Surface

Play Your Part! Cinderella's Grand Stage

Terror! Tamayori's Haunted Dollhouse

School Festival★The Scramble of a Startup Hero

Billiards -> spring section 3 summary

夏 SUMMER: (X)

Ukiyo Air Ride

Merc Storia

Hero Show

Biblio

The Rainy Season's Blossoms

Breakthrough! The Revolutionary Live Which Heralds the Dawn

Chinatown

Nuclear Ignition ☆ A Sparkling Quintuple-Color Supernova -> summer section 1 summary

Victoria

Amusement☆The Live Party of Cats and Rabbits

Gondola

Judge! Black and White Duel

Round Game

Devotion! Brocade of Driving Away the Rainy Season

Gunmen of the Wilderness

Bridal -> summer section 2 summary

Symphony＊Magnolia of Blessings

Seven-Colored＊Sunshower Festa

Saga＊Rushing Up Rainbow Stage

Pool Opening

Comic World

Shot☆Splash Pool!

Challenge! Tanabata Festival Wishes

Dance Performance! Thoughts That Bridge the Milky Way

Facing One Another! The Celestial Globe of the Night the Stars Meet

Dance Floor -> summer section 3 summary

Dogfight

Ghost Stories

The Seven Faces of the Shapeshifting Youkai

Little Kings

Frozen Ice

Summer of Clear Skies! Summer Camp

Concerto

Set Sail! Pirates at Sea Festival -> summer section 4 summary

Kiseki☆The Preliminary Match of the Summer Live

Radiant! Sunflower Live of Smiles

Scorching Hot! The Scenery of Southern Lands and Summer Vacation

Surfing Ocean

Stars★Glitter of the Prism

Summer Flowers

Late Summer Lesson -> summer section 5 summary

Luminescence＊Summer Night Festival

Yumenosaki Restaurant

Remember! A Midsummer Night's Dream

Best Shot

Holiday

Scorching Heat ☆ A Seaside Beach Match

Buddy -> summer section 6 summary

Farewell! Festival of Memories and Quarrels

Launch! The Night Sky of the Shooting Star Festival

Carmen of Passion

Lost Star＊Wavering Light, Pleiades Night

Deep Sea Mystery

Drop＊The Far Sea and the Aquarium

Summer Sky＊Galloping Cheval Live -> summer section 7 summary

Onibi

Burning Up! Yumenosaki Academy Sports Festival

Fight! Yumenosaki Academy Sports Festival 2

Competition! Yumenosaki Academy Sports Festival 3

Cinema Theater

1001 Nights -> summer section 8 summary

Blue Filament

Cooking

Brilliant Star Air Force

Police Man -> summer section 9 summary

秋 AUTUMN (Q)

Kung Fu

Night of the Full Moon ＊ Hopping Moonlight Luna

The Coloured Flower Cards

Special Training! Mismatched Pair Lessons

Doctor

Rebellion! The King's Horseback Ride

Kiseki★Blitzkrieg Autumn Live

Robin Hood -> autumn section 1 summary

Science

Fruits Parlour

Happening◆Music Festa of Reversals

Secret Acts! The Moonlight Scroll of the Elements

Festival＊Graceful Fleur De Lis

Toryumon

Rosicrucian Story

Showtime

Howl★The Rockin' Star of the Night Sky -> autumn section 2 summary

Afternoon

Boutique

Raising Curtains! Dark Night Halloween

React★Magical Halloween

Lots of Monsters☆Sweet Halloween

Cacophony◆Whirling Horror Night Halloween -> autumn section 3 summary

Enjoyment♪ Autumn School Trip

Invitation★Black Blood Banquet

The Golden Wind＊Wishing Live of Encouragement

Teddy Bear

Colourful Autumn

Meikyoushisui

Hot-Blooded Tough Guy

BADBOYS -> autumn section 4 summary

Scramble ＊ Toyland in a Dream

The Songbird’s Song＊Soirée in the Canary Hall

Underdoctor

Autumn Forest

Discovery! Steampunk Museum -> autumn section 5 summary

冬 winter (D)

The Wolf and Red Riding Hood

Greek Legends

Philosopher's Guidance

SnowboardDream of the Butterfly

Rail◆The Cat in the Snowy Winter and the Camellia Train -> winter section 1 summary

Nocturne

Snow Globe

Agents

Snowflake❄Street Performance Of The Falling Stars

Shine! A Sparkling Starry Night Festival!

Winter Santa -> winter section 2 summary

Brilliance★Knights' Starlight Festival

Noel＊The Angels' Starlight Festival

Carol＊White Snow and the Christmas Eve Starlight Festival

Radiant☆Hot Holiday Party

Throwing! A Snowy Silver-White Snowfight

Eccentric -> winter section 3 summary

Kiseki☆Winter Live Showdown

Winter's New Year Shrine Visit

First Dream Tales (Part One)

First Dream Tales (Part Two) -> winter section 4 summary

Zodiac (Part One)

Amusement Park Show

Zodiac (Part Two)

Daikagura! Celebratory New Years Live

Showdown! Magnificent Phantom Thief VS Detective Brigade

Transparency and Masks -> winter section 5 summary

Clash of Arms! Opera of Moonlight Romance

Dance on Ice

Depart☆Blue Skies Dream Travel

Opening★The Fortune Banquet Live

Saga＊Clashing Rebirth Live

Revival☆Dream Diner Live

Shoufuku＊The Ogres and Brothers' Setsubun Festival -> winter section 6 summary

Last Period

Jewel Candy

Poison À La Mode

Tea Party

The Four Beasts of Fistfighting

Salon de Thé -> winter section 7 summary

Sincerely! Bitter Chocolat Festival

Melty❤Sweetly Unraveling Chocolat Festival

Decorate♥Crimson Chocolat Festival

Marble ♥ Heartfelt Chocolat Festival

Home Party

Onigashima -> winter section 8 summary

Yumenosaki Youth Radio♪

Military

Cunning ◆ Wonder Game

Beauties of Nature

Flutter! Chick and Emperor's Triumphant Return -> winter section 9 summary

[NEXT YEAR: year = !+1]

!+1 spring i think? (context: third years in ! are graduating)

Beasts

Memorial◆Class Live We Make Together

Noble Game

Chuunibyou Trouble

Bouquet of Desire

Chorus★Operetta of Beginnings -> !! spring section 1 summary

Every Pitch With All One’s Heart! Youthful Play Ball

Clash! Recollect--A Festival of Giving Back

Baton Pass! Repayment Festival of Tears and Bonds

Moment＊The Repayment Festival of Moving Forward Toward the Future

Requiem＊Sword of Oaths and the Repayment Festival

Link♪The Symphony that Starts from Here -> !! spring section 2 summary

!+1 post-graduation stories

Photoshoot! Warm Athletics

Puppy Mischief Picnic

Bounce! Hearts and Flowers Bloom--Mall Live

Strawberry Picking -> post-graduation summary

[BACKSTORIES: read with caution *** recommended reading is from year = enstars!]

(year: !-12)

(1) Rainbow (2) Revival - 20

(year: !-several)

(3) Gang: Midnight Gangster

(year: !-2)

(4) Zodiac (5) Meteor Impact (6) Jingle Bells

(year: !-1)

(7) Reminiscence＊The Crossroads of Each One (8) Reminiscence＊Monochrome Checkmate (9) Reminiscence＊Spring Cherry Blossoms and a Night's Encounter (10) Reminiscence＊Ryusei Bonfire (11) Reminiscence ＊ End of the Marionette's Strings (12) Reminiscence＊Gathering of the Three Magicians

-> all backstories summary

AND... THAT'S IT! THATS THE ENTIRE ENSTARS! SUMMARISED

a few things to note:

main story not included -- because it should be read before everything

CN/TW exclusive not included

timeline is definitely shaky but overall flow of stories should still be okay

-project start date: 17 Oct 2022- -last updated: 22 Mar 2023-

[notebooknonbinary]

Happy Holidays @willow-lark ! I'm your byler secret santa! I hope you enjoy the fic! D&D is usually outside of my comfort-zone but I had a lot of fun writing this!

- Also posting to AO3!

-

“Don’t move, you self-sacrificial moron,” a familiar voice snaps.

Paladin Mike blinks his way back into consciousness, aware of nothing other than that voice, and the searing pain in his abdomen. He lets out a hiss and goes to touch it, but a hand smacks him away.

“Do not undo my hard work, Michael, I swear to Apollo and all of the gods.”

“Why’re you bein’ mean to me, Wise?” he mumbles. His lips feel numb and it’s a struggle to open his eyes to glare balefully at his friend (more-than-friend? He’s still unsure, what with all the unsaid tension they’ve been having lately). Will glares back twice as harshly. His face is blotchy from crying. 

“Because you’re an idiot who used Divine Allegiance to take a hit that I would have survived.”

It takes Mike a long moment to remember what Will’s talking about.

They’d been fighting…a Bearded Devil and Mike had suddenly turned to see Will on his knees, struggling to move, to reach his staff. Terror and desperation had Mike’s body moving without thinking. He’d cast Devine Allegiance, calling out for Apollo.

Apollo had sent the assistance, of course. He thinks the god might care about Will almost as much as Mike does. More than he cares about Mike, anyway.

(The feeling is mutual.)

“I won’t apologize for doing it,” Mike murmurs. “But I am sorry to make you worry.”

Will huffs and doesn’t say anything. Instead, he silently continues tending to the mess that is Mike’s torso. It makes Mike slightly queasy to see, so he looks away. 

Instead, his eyes drift over the makeshift camp. It’d been clearly set up in a hurry, just after the fight, likely aided by Lady El’s magic to streamline the process. But the Party is staying clear of the ramshackle first aid area that Will has commandeered. They know full well, at this point, to leave him be if he’s healing someone. (Dustin still has the bite marks.) The Cleric doesn’t appreciate unnecessary interruptions.

Lucas, sitting by the campfire, seems to feel Mike’s eyes on him. He looks up, giving Mike a relieved smile. His eyes flick up to Will and then back to Mike, and he shrugs—as though to say, you’ve made this bed, now you have to lay in it. Then he gets up to join Dustin at the river. 

Mike sighs and turns his eyes back to watch Will work. 

He carefully keeps an eye on the man, rather than what he’s working on. The sweet brush of Will’s magic belays the way he’s been glaring. Mike’s always loved the way Will’s healing magic feels—like a warm hug, or a cup of hot tea from Will’s mother. Even before they swore allegiance to Apollo and the Light, Will has always been warm.

The year he was gone was the coldest time of Mike’s life—even the always warm presence of Apollo seemed farther away and cooler. Life felt perpetually overcast until Will was saved. Until he had his Cleric held in his arms—safe and alive.

There’s a tension in the air as Will works. Mike wants to reach up and smooth the furrow away from his brow, but he doesn’t dare. It’s rare that Will gets this way, but he’s…protective. And sometimes that need to protect translates into anger.

Finally, Will speaks, quiet but still upset. “What I don’t understand is why? You’ve never treated me as though I cannot take care of myself. You had to have known I could take the hit.”

Oh.

Mike hadn’t been sure, is the thing. All he’d known, heart beating a tattoo into his throat, was that Will was on the ground—with that damn Bearded Devil above him, about to strike down. And he’d thought, not again, please not again. Mike had cast the spell before he finished his next breath. He’d called out to Lucas just before it’d taken effect, asking him to take charge. He’d taken one last glimpse into Will’s horrified eyes.

Then blinding, horrific pain, and the blank, blissful nothingness of being unconscious.

He tries his best to explain this, before reaching up to grasp Will’s hand. The warm weight and shape of his fingers is as familiar as Mike’s own. “The night…the night Vecna spirited you away…I wasn’t watching out for you.” He stares up into Will’s forest floor eyes. “T’was my fault I—we lost you. Can’t lose you again, Wise.”

“I—” The words stop Will’s argumentative voice in its tracks. His eyes finally soften, the furrow in his brow leaves, and he squeezes Mike’s hand. “I’ve told you before, that wasn’t your fault. And you’re not going to lose me, Mike. We’ll defeat Vecna and make Hawks a safer place to live.”

“Maybe we could finally retire,” Mike hums, closing his eyes to imagine it. Returning to their village, heroes. No longer having to fight every day. Not waking up footsore and weary from whatever battle they’d had the previous night. Helping Will in whatever clinic he’s bound to set up. And maybe…returning home to the same house, the same table, the same bed as his Cleric. Will being the last thing he sees when he closes his eyes for the night, and the first sight in the morning. Oh, what a dream that would be. “We could go back home and help your mother with her farm.”

“You’re crazy,” Will whispers, with an oddly choked laugh. “You’d get bored within a fortnight.”

“Mm, well, crazy together, right? Bored with you, doesn’t sound so bad.”

“Yes, Mike. Crazy together.” There’s a warm splash on Mike’s cheek. When he reopens his eyes, Will’s have welled up with tears, but he’s smiling.  “But to get to that day, you have to be alive. Which means you need to stop making needless sacrifices. I can’t bear to lose you either, Mike.”

“Alright, Wise. I’ll do my best,” Mike mumbles sincerely. He’s gratified at the sweet smile he’s gifted.

And then he feels himself blush, as Will leans down and brushes the faintest kiss to the apple of Mike’s cheek. “Get some rest, hero,” he murmurs, stroking his fingers through Mike’s hair. Will goes back to humming his healing incantation, as Mike drifts back to sleep.

[tumbleassbitch]

another lost soul (letting my instinct take control) | The Quarry | TravisxLaura

Characters: Laura Kearney, Travis Hackett, The Hackett family Word count: 2,573 Summary: Max dies in the cellar. This changes everything. Chapter 1/?

June 25th, 2022

It was the same argument they’d been having for months.

“Look, after you’re done with college, maybe we can move further upstate. Or Maine?”

“I thought we’ve already talked about this,” Laura said exasperatedly. “You know I’ve wanted to move to the West Coast my whole life. ”

The dark road flickered past in broken fragments of moonlight and the dim light of Max’s headlights. This stretch of the pavement wasn’t as well kept as the rest of the drive, and the bumpy ride acted like a sifter against her flagging confidence. 

So much for getting to camp tonight.

“Well, yeah, but we could always move for just a shorter gap?” Max suggested. “I mean, it would be nice to get out of the house, get our own place.”

She felt his eyes on her. The frustration that had been building up bled away, making the pit of dread in her chest all the more obvious.

Things hadn’t been going… great lately. Something had come between them over this last semester, and though the promise of summer had kept her head above water, it was obviously a mirage rather than the safe harbor she’d hoped.

Hackett’s Quarry was looking like their best shot. Some summer camp in the middle of bumfuck nowhere didn’t sound like the most romantic place to be, no. But it would provide them a chance to reconnect beyond the quick trips on weekends and school holidays. 

It would give her a chance to make up her mind.

“I really don’t want to spend the extra cash for a downpayment and safety deposit on a place that we won’t stay for more than a year,” she said. 

“More than a year? ” He asked incredulously, raising a brow.

“Um, yeah?”

“And then, what?”

For fuck’s sake.

“Then literally anywhere but here,” she said irritatedly.

“I just- I just don’t understand why you don’t want to stay in New York!”

Laura bit back the urge to scream.

“Honestly, Max? If you have to ask, then I don’t think you really know me at all.”

The car fell with a tense silence that she almost regretted being the cause of . Almost.

Max’s free hand, the one that used to rest on her thigh when they drove to ice cream dates and the theater near their old high school, now fumbled awkwardly in his lap. For a moment, it looked like he was going to reach out, but thought better of it.

“I just didn’t realize you wanted to get out of here so soon after graduating.”

“Well, that’s just one scenario, right?” she said softly, casting a glance over. “Once you hear back from St. Lawrence, we’ll have a better idea of what the future holds.”

Shadows flitted across his face like a flock of birds.  He fell unusually silent, and the only sound between them was the light pattering of his freckled fingertips against the steering wheel.

The sudden break was a good opportunity to get a better focus on the map. Which…

“Max,” Laura started.

His voice cracked with a dryness that hadn’t been present before. “What?”

“We’re totally lost.”

---

June ?, 2022

Terror.

It drips through her veins like molasses, sickly sweet and heavy against the utter confusion and displacement beating in her chest. 

Laura tries to move, to no avail. Everything is weighed down by an unnatural gravity. Her hands don’t feel like her own. 

Actually, shit. She can’t even feel her hands. 

A groan tries to tumble its way out, but she chokes out a rasp instead. Fuck, that hurt. 

Where is she? Did she hit her head in the cellar…? 

Where’s Max?

It takes everything within her, but she opens her eyes—

—and comes face to face with a pair of scuffed black shoes. 

The sound of a radio crackles above. “T. Are you still on the Loop?” 

“No, I had to check on something at the station,” a familiar voice replies. “I’m heading back out right now. Over.” 

He begins to walk away, and a renewed sense of desperation brings newfound awareness to her bones.

“M..ax,” she tries. Something’s very wrong.

The footsteps pause.

“Where's Max?” she adds roughly.

No response. Whoever it was continues on, and the sound of their heavy footfall quickly drifts away with the finality of a slammed door.

...

The next time she wakes, it is with an acrid taste in her throat and a deep, unsettling realization: she’s in a cell.

That much is certain-- the pale light of morning calls into contrast the metal of her cage. Cold, unforgiving ground bites into her cheek. Beneath the lingering touch of whatever caused her to pass out, her body aches in a steady, dull thrum.

"Shit," she groans.

“Morning, ma’am.”

She freezes. Ma’am. No fucking way.

Laura pushes herself up on unsteady hands, peering up at a face she thought she’d never see again. 

“...Officer?”

He's set up camp on a chair in front of her cell, looking right at home in the gloom. Even in daylight, the shadows cling to him.

This is the creepy cop that got them back on the road again last night, the one who insisted on wiping her dirty face with a handkerchief, the one who…

Who what? The space behind her eyes throbs.

“Sir, is Max alright? The man you saw me with last night?” 

The sheriff sneers back. “Shut up.”

“ Please, I need to know-”

The keys jingle at his side when he leans forward, “Shut. Up. Do you understand where you are?”

Oh, fuck you.

“On a disgusting floor?” she asks sweetly.

“In police custody,” he continues on with an air of long-suffering. “Meaning, you’re not the one asking questions, here.”

The chill of fear settles in her chest. This is not the time to have an attitude, chastises a voice that sounds like her mother. This wasn’t the time nor place to suddenly lose a brain cell and start a fight with a cop.

Especially one that's locked her up.

“I’m sorry, sir,” she replies, pushing for an edge of genuinity.

He assesses her for a moment, and whatever he finds, she only hopes it’s in her favor.

Finally, “Name.”

She pauses. “Laura Kearney.”

“Really?” he asks, brow cocked.

“Um, yes?”

“That’s not what your damn license says.” 

“I go by my mother’s maiden name.”

His eyes are impossibly dark. Laura does not flinch. She refuses to. 

“Did I ask for your mother’s maiden name?" 

Okay, fair. ”My legal name is Brandt.”

“Why did you use Kearney, then?”

“My father is a murderer,” Laura says evenly. 

He narrows his eyes at her, marking something in the notepad in his lap.

There’s no point in hiding it. Anyone and everyone around Oneida county, hell, the whole fucking state would recognize the name if they paid any attention to the news. Maybe they wouldn’t remember why they’ve heard it before, but, well. That’s what the internet is for.

And he’s a fucking cop. If he didn’t know it before, he sure would’ve figured it out sooner rather than later.

“What’s the name of your traveling companion?”

There doesn’t seem to be any point to asking for basic questions if he’s already checked through their bags, but whatever. “Max Brinly. Look, can I just know if he’s alright?”

He ignores her. “Why were you out at Hackett’s Quarry last night?”

“We’re camp counselors, like we said.” 

“Oh, bullshit,” he says with blatant impatience. “Counselors aren’t due until today.”

“We know! We figured we’d just… show up early, go to camp.”

“And why didn’t you go to the Harbinger’s Motel like I told you to?”

“Because we’re fucking broke!” Laura snapped. The permanent glower on his face deepened, and she quickly backtracked. “No, look, I’m sorry. I’m just, really freaking out here because I can’t remember anything after we showed up at camp. Please… I need to know that Max is okay .”

By this point, her head is throbbing and she winces, digging her palms into her temple. The wooden chair creaks as the officer shifts in his seat. The silence between them grows.

“What’s the last thing you remember?” he asks with a different edge to his voice.

‘Are you sure you called?’

‘Yeah…. Well, I left a voicemail.’

“The… camp was dark. Everything was locked down." She ignores the muttered, “No shit,” and digs past the dread beginning to pool in the back of her mind.

“So you broke in?” he asks, brow raised.

That’s right, the cellar. 

‘Max, there's someone down here!’

"Oh my god…" Laura trails off breathlessly. "Oh my god, someone was trapped."

He stiffens, leaning in closer.

“Someone…?"

They got the cellar doors open. She’s always took no small amount of pride in being self-sufficient. That's why she went downstairs first.

“You saw someone, ma’am?” he presses over her racing thoughts.

There wasn’t anything out of the ordinary, if she ignored that it was the second time that night that she clearly hallucinated a person. Nobody was there. Just a creepy old storage room, and a bloody collar…

‘Hey… It’s been kind of a night, you know? Let’s just get to the motel. We can come back here first thin-’

His words had been cut short with a gurgle. She had barely processed the grotesque silhouette before it lunged again, cleaving Max’s head off his shoulders in one swipe. It hit the dirty, cracked cement with a dull thump.

“No, he’s not,” she forces out.  The words land barely past her lips. 

Across from her, the officer sits painfully still. She crawls forward, straining against the bars.

“He’s not dead. Is Max dead? Is he dead? ”

His eyes confirm it.

“No, no, no- what the fuck! ”

Laura twists to the left and violently retches, pure bile hitting the stone with a wet slap. Droplets splash up and latch onto her skin. The pure agony and regret is an ache so great that she curls in on herself. Her memory floods back in a detached symphony. Screams and gunshots, if only, if only, playing over in a distorted melody.

If only she didn’t sign them up to be counselors at a shitty summer camp, if only she didn’t insist that they go and check things out in the weird storm cellar. If they just went to the hotel.

Max would still be here. A sob lodges itself in her throat, clogged with spit and bitterness.

If, if, if.

Max is- was good. He didn’t deserve that. No one did.

The sheriff remains silent throughout her breakdown, which is how she forgets he’s even there until he stands.

“Ma’am, I’m going to need you to put your hands through the bars.”

She looks up, blinking uncomprehendingly.

“Ms. Kearney,” he says, and there’s something in his tone that’s softened from before. “Stand up.”

Like a predator, his eyes don’t leave hers. This isn’t over yet, Laura, she tells herself. Get up.

Only as she’s standing does she realize how stiff her clothes are, crusted over in things she refuses to consider. A sharp pain throbs up her stomach at the thought.

He cuffs her swiftly, unlocking the cell door and locking it behind him. There isn’t much space for her to go, but she still backs up till her knees hit the edge of her cell cot. With a grunt, he crouches and produces the same white handkerchief he used on her the night before, swiping up what little content her stomach expelled.

She puked yesterday, too. She remembers now. After it happened.

Fuck.

Her grief-stricken mind dimly notes how tall the man before her is. Crouching over a puddle of bile, lips pursing in disgust, his head still almost reaches her chest. This whole situation is so insane, it’s almost laughable if it weren’t paved with devastation. She exhales a shaky breath.

The Sheriff of North Kill eyes her, then. “C’mon,” he says as he gets back up to his feet, pocketing the soiled handkerchief. “Let’s get you cleaned up.”

---

The water’s warm, at least. That was unexpected.

The thin bar of soap handed to her beyond the divider wall will definitely dry her skin out, but it cuts through the grime like a knife. Her fingernails are caked in soap from her claw-like grip, and she fiercely scrubs down every inch of skin and scalp several times over till her skin is pink and raw.

Get rid of last night. Erase it from her body. She watches with detached fascination as blood and dirt, her second skin, flows gently down the drain.

There he goes. It’s a terrible, morbid thought that still rings true, and she bites her lip hard enough to draw blood. Max is gone, and her life is irrevocably changed. The cop must think she has something to do with it; otherwise, why is she in a holding cell?

She squeezes her eyes shut against the second onslaught of tears that threaten to erupt. No more. She’s in a dangerous spot and literally has no one on her side, save for Max’s sister and parents.

The shower abruptly shuts off. A towel emerges from the other side of the divider. “Dry yourself,” he calls over unnecessarily. 

She takes it and gingerly dries down, her already-angry flesh tingling painfully against the rough fabric. It feels good, though. The pain grounds her. A plain t-shirt and sweatpants, plus clean undergarments are slid beyond the wall, and she puts them on gratefully.

He takes her by the arm and down the hall they go, past the warm tones of brick and back through nondescript gray walls. She keeps her ears peeled for any sound other than their own footsteps. Nothing. Where the fuck is everybody else? This whole precinct is like a ghost town. Is it soundproofed? 

She’s not sure what to expect, but him immediately walking away after she’s locked back in her cell is not it.

“Wait!”

He turns back, the ever-present annoyance already clouding his face. “What?”

“Does Max’s family…know? Can I speak to them?” she asks softly.

Instead of looking her in the eye, his gaze lands over her shoulder. “No.”

“They don’t know?”

He clenches his jaw. “There’s a process to this.”

They might have to see his body to ID it. The thought makes her sick, so Laura swallows it back. 

“When do I get my phone call?” she asks quietly.

He scoffs with a light shake of the head. “Unbelievable.”

“What?" she asks incredulously. "Aren’t there, like, protocols?” 

“Here’s what you need to know,” he says so abruptly that she can't help but lean back. He juts a finger in her face. “You’ve stepped in some Grade A cosmic bullshit, and the only thing you need to worry about is making sure you do exactly as I say.”

Her eyes can’t possibly get any wider with disbelief. Though everything in her wants to recoil, Laura stands her ground.

“But, Sheriff…” she glances down at the sheriff’s badge for the first time. Alarm bells surge in her mind. “...Hackett? Wait, like, Chris Hackett?”

He follows her eyes down to his lapel, eyes darting back to her own. Neither speak.

“Who… are you? What’s going on?”

He turns on his heel and walks away.

“Wait!” she yells after him. “You can’t just keep me here! What the fuck is going on here?!” 

“Frankly, ma’am,” he calls over his shoulder, “you have no idea.”

Read on Ao3

[lunarbuck]

full masterlist / bucky series masterlist / updated oct 12

One Shots

please read the individual posts for tags and warnings!

☾ - personal favorite

✪ - smut

⁂ - angst

⭐️ - most popular

✯ - dark themes

@lunarbucklibrary

Without A Single String Attached ⁂ ☾ ⭐️

pairing: Bucky x f!reader (any race), Modern AU

summary: Bucky wakes up after hurting you while he was having a night terror

11:59 pm, December 31 ⁂ ☾⭐️

pairing: best friend!Bucky x f!reader (any race), College AU

summary: You’ve been in love with your best friend Bucky Barnes since fourth grade, but to him, you’re just his best friend. It’s New Year’s Eve, maybe tonight will be different.

Merry and Bright

pairing: Bucky Barnes x f!reader (any race)

summary: It’s Bucky’s first Christmas with you, and you want it to be perfect.

All I Want For Christmas

pairing: Bucky Barnes x avenger f!reader (any race)

summary: You + Bucky + Mistletoe

Good Intentions

pairing: 40s!Bucky x f!reader (any race)

summary: After months of begging you for a date, you finally say yes to Bucky Barnes

You Won’t Forget Me

pairing: Bucky Barnes x f!reader (any race) Modern AU

summary: You lose a bet and have to face the consequences

Missed You

pairing: tfatws!bucky x f!reader (any race)

summary: While Bucky is away on a long mission, you can't help but cuddle up with your favorite red henley of his.

Easy ✪⭐️

pairing: bucky barnes x f!avengers!reader (any race)

summary: You and Bucky don't see eye to eye, to say the least, but that all changes after one fateful night at a Tony Stark Party.

You Can Do Magic

pairing: bucky barnes x musician reader (any race)

summary: When Bucky Barnes comes into your store, you make it your mission to foster his budding love for music.

Cuffing Season ✪⭐️

pairing: CEO!Bucky x f!assistant!reader (any race), Modern AU

summary: Happy birthday, Mr. Barnes

somebody else ⁂

pairing: bucky barnes x f!reader (any race)

summary: bucky sees you after the breakup

Touch the Sky

pairing: bucky barnes x f!pilot!reader (any race)

summary: You and Bucky go on a mission that doesn't go as planned

Baby, It's Cold Outside ✪ ☾ ⭐️

pairing: Stucky x f!reader (any race)

summary: You’ve been friends with Steve and Bucky for quite some time, but when you accept to spend the holidays with them in a cabin, friendship evolves into something more.

Our Song ⁂

pairing: Bucky Barnes x f!reader (any race)

summary: nothing is the same after the snap

The Kiss ✪

pairing: Professor!bucky x f!reader (any race)

summary: You’ve always had a crush on Professor Barnes… little did you know he has been hiding some feelings of his own

bucky takes care of afraid of dark reader

pairing: bucky x f!reader (any race)

Dumb Bunny ✪✯⭐️

pairing: dark!winter soldier x f!reader (any race)

summary: The Wolf sees you walking through the forest on your way to your grandmother’s house, and he just can’t help himself.

In Our Element ✪⭐️

pairing: college!stucky x f!reader (any race)

summary: A camping trip with your friends leads to more than you bargained for

Understanding ✪

pairing: Bucky Barnes x f!reader (any race)

sneak peek: At this point, you know you’re not broken. You know the side effects of your meds, and you’ve learned to deal with them. It’s not your fault that other people don’t get it. But Bucky does.

Kinktober 2023

Kinktober: Table/Threesome/Sensory Deprivation ✪

pairing: stucky x f!reader (any race)

Kinktober: Double Penetration ✪

pairing: stucky x f!reader (any race)

Kinktober: Formal Wear ✪

pairing: bucky x f!reader (any race)

Drabbles

forsaken ✯ | the winter soldier

bad day | bucky barnes

a walk in the forest | bucky barnes

Bucky teaches you to ride a motorcycle | Bucky Barnes

Head-Canons

Bucky takes care of you on your period (head-canon)

Moodboards

the-slumber party week 1 MB

rainy night in bed with bucky MB

[kimistorm]

Masterlist

(This will quickly get filled as I transfer years worth of writing over! Links updated about weekly.) Last updated: October 5th, 2023

Requests

OT8

Vampire Knight Headcanons

Going to the Airport (GN! reader)

It’s your first time going to the airport, and the boys help you get through the terror of security.

Taking Flight  (GN! reader)

Part 2 to Going to the Airport

Decorating for the holidays  (GN! reader)

You help the boys decorate their dorm. Chaos ensues.

It was Supposed to just be Eggs  (GN! reader)

You helped buy some food for the boys and return to a somewhat embarrassing situation.

Fly Away my Love (Superpower AU)  (GN! reader)

Chapter 1 || Chapter 2 || Chapter 3 || Chapter 4 || Chapter 5 || Chapter 6 || Chapter 7 || Chapter 8 || Chapter 9 || Chapter 10

You didn’t have any plan in mind when you escaped, and that left you lost in the wide-open world. Luckily for you, you found some helping hands along the way who proved to be more than strangers who were in the same boat as you…they became something more, and you couldn’t be more thankful for the eight men by your side. Stray Kids Supernatural Abilities AU! Platonic relationships as of now~

Bang Chan

Dreams of Soulmates  (GN! reader, soulmate AU)

You’ve never dreamed of a field of flowers, but then you do, and your life changes for the better.

Late Night Shenanigans (GN! reader)

You’re a little doubtful of where Chan is taking you for your midnight date, especially since he looks to be taking you into the middle of nowhere, but by the end of the night, you end up with a very special wish.

Dancing in the rain (GN! reader)

Chan wakes up in the middle of the night to find you’re not at his side, but observing the thunder. Requested.

Lee Know

Late Night Shenanigans (GN! reader, college AU)

You go to a party and a couple people get totally drunk. Super fluffy!

Cats Are the Worst (GN! reader, non-idol AU)

Soongie, Doongie, and Dori get into a bit of a mess.

Hwang Hyunjin

Promise (idol AU) (GN! reader)

You spend your last free day before your comeback with your best friend, promising something before you part.

I’ve never gone camping (GN! reader)

Fluff. The two of you try to put up a tent.

The Forest Calls (human! Felix, Forest elf! Reader, Forest elf! Hyunjin, Love Triangle)

You knew that he was a human and you shouldn’t approach him but...you weren’t known for making good decisions

Han Jisung

A Little Tangled (GN! reader, tangentially Marvel AU)

Part of the Stray Kids x Marvel series, Han’s a spidey-boy  

Lee Felix

A Leap of Faith (GN! reader)

“Why are you taking off your shirt?” and “Well, this is new.” Requested

The Forest Calls (human! Felix, Forest elf! Reader, Forest elf! Hyunjin, Love Triangle)

You knew that he was a human and you shouldn’t approach him but...you weren’t known for making good decisions

Kim Seungmin

Surprise? (GN! reader, Marvel AU)

Part of the Stray Kids x Marvel series (but knowing Marvel isn’t required to understand the plot!)

IN

Braces Buddies (GN! reader)

You’ve just gotten your braces on, and Jeongin knows exactly how to cheer you up.

Did you just ask me out on livestream? (GN! reader, college AU)

You and Jeongin somehow ended up being the resident podcasters at your university, and people are asking you for love advice. Requested.

Dr. Strange

It’s all a Little Strange (fem! reader) (Finished)

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10 Part 11

Since the first day you met Dr. Strange, the two of you have been at odds with each other, but due to unfortunate circumstances you come together and find out the other isn’t as bad as they seemed.

X-Men

X-Men First Class Reader Insert (f!reader) (Finished)

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10 Part 11 Part 12

Literally a reader insert where you follow along with the main storyline. It’s like 3 years old, I wasn’t very original.

Shang-Chi

Throne of Lies (gn! reader, xialing’s best friend! reader)

Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5 Chapter 6

Romance. Action. Strangers to lovers. You met Xu Xialing 4 years ago on the streets of Macau, and you didn’t know it at the time, but the two of you were going to build an empire together. Though, unbeknownst to her, you were already building your own empire of lies. Picks up in the middle of Shang-Chi and the Legend of the Ten Rings. 

Chuuya Nakahara

Late Valentines  (GN! reader)

It's a week after Valentine's day and you've taken it upon yourself to liven up the Port Mafia Executives' meeting. Chuuya's a little disgusted but gets especially flustered when you get a little too into the romantic spirit.

Sheep in Wolf’s Clothing (GN! Ability User! Reader)

Act 1: Scene 1 || Act 1: Scene 2 || Act 1: Scene 3

Your hands brushed and you felt a rush of dopamine flood through your brain. You felt warm, protected, loved. But all too soon that was gone and replaced by what felt like your constant state of stress and terror. You had to get out, but was that cost too high to pay? [Chuuya Nakahara x Ability User! Gender neutral! Reader]

Nathaniel Kurtzberg 

Art, an Evil Villain, and an Erased Window

Poetry and Capitalization

You accidentally profess your love to your crush while reading poetry.

Luka Couffaine

Of Guitar Picks and Ladder

Red-Faced and Running Away (f!reader)

You’re about as awkward as Marinette when it comes to love, it’s a good thing your friend is a good wingwoman.

Sick Days (sick! Luka x GN! reader)

Chat Noir

Rooftop meetings  (GN! reader)

You happen to meet a certain cat on the roof of your building.

Chat Blanc

A Purrfect Video (GN! Youtuber! reader)

You just wanted to get a vlog, but ended up getting a little closer to a certain superhero than you expected.

Marc Anciel

The Color in My Life (GN! Blind! reader)

My Muse

All it Takes is a Little Faith and Trust (Marc/Reverser x Adrien’s sister! Reader)

Ivan Bruel

Sweets

Max Kante

Video Games (f! reader)

Kim Le Chien

Awkward Movie Dates (GN! reader)

Crushing from a far quickly turns into something a bit more than an aimless crush. Strangers to lovers.

Howl Pendragon

My Heart Gone Missing (Best Friend! Howl)

Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5 Chapter 6 Chapter 7 Chapter 8 Chapter 9 Chapter 10 Chapter 11

You and Howl were best friends in school. Then...things happened and you lost contact. Now, as you watch him doing great things with his life, you wish you could do that to.

White Blood Cell

Maybe I’m in Love

Life as a cell isn't easy, especially when you're on the front lines of the immune system. It gets even worse when you realize you're falling in love. Cells shouldn't do that. But here you are, falling in love with the white blood cell that seems to always save your life. It's a shame you weren't able to defeat that virus.

Feel free to message me to be added to a taglist!

[gladiates]

56 french-language film recs!

I wanted to find some movies I can watch to improve my French, so I looked for films available on Kanopy (which is rly cool--if you live in the US, you can stream some movies for free if your library or school subscribes to it!) All of the following films are on Kanopy, and I imagine you can also find many of them on p*racy sites (totally not endorsing that at all no sir!). I’ve listed each film’s title along with its year and score on IMDB. I only included movies with at least 1,000 IMDB ratings and an average of at least 7/10 so they’re all reasonably acclaimed! I also included a short summary of each from IMDB as well. List below the cut because it’s long!

Cleo From 5 to 7 (1962, 7.9 from ~17.0k votes): Cleo, a singer and hypochondriac, becomes increasingly worried that she might have cancer while awaiting test results from her doctor.

The Rules of the Game (1939, 8.0 from ~26.6k votes): A bourgeois life in France at the onset of World War II, as the rich and their poor servants meet up at a French chateau.

Breathless (1960. 7.8 from ~73.1k votes): A small-time thief steals a car and impulsively murders a motorcycle policeman. Wanted by the authorities, he reunites with a hip American journalism student and attempts to persuade her to run away with him to Italy.

The 400 Blows (1959, 8.1 from 105.1k votes): A young boy, left without attention, delves into a life of petty crime.

Purple Noon (1960, 7.8 from 14.2k votes): Tom Ripley is a talented mimic, moocher, forger and all-around criminal improviser; but there's more to Tom Ripley than even he can guess.

The Return of Martin Guerre (1982, 7.4 from ~4.0k votes): In medieval France, some villagers challenge a man's claim of identity when he (as he says) returns home from some time in the army.

Last Year at Marienbad (1961, 7.8 from ~20.3 votes): In a strange and isolated chateau, a man becomes acquainted with a woman and insists that they have met before.

The Wages of Fear (1953, 8.1 from ~54.5k votes): In a decrepit South American village, four men are hired to transport an urgent nitroglycerine shipment without the equipment that would make it safe.

Tell No One (2006, 7.5 from ~50.7k votes): An accidental discovery near a doctor's estate stirs up some painful memories eight years after his wife's hideous murder, and now, things are bound to take a turn for the unexpected. Does the good doctor know more than he's letting on?

Queen Margot (1994, 7.4 from 16.3k votes): Young Queen Margot finds herself trapped in an arranged marriage amidst a religious war between Catholics and Protestants. She hopes to escape with a new lover, but finds herself imprisoned by her powerful and ruthless family.

Un Flic (1972, 7.1 from ~8.2k votes): After a shaky first heist, a group of thieves plan an even more elaborate and risky second heist.

Monsieur Hulot's Holiday (1953, 7.5 from ~16.8k votes): Monsieur Hulot comes to a beachside hotel for a vacation and accidentally, but good-naturedly, causes havoc.

La Haine (1995, 8.1 from ~150.0k votes): 24 hours in the lives of three young men in the French suburbs the day after a violent riot.

Alphaville (1965, 7.1 from 22.9k votes): A U.S. secret agent is sent to the distant space city of Alphaville where he must find a missing person and free the city from its tyrannical ruler.

Tomboy (2011, 7.4 from 18.4k votes): A family moves into a new neighborhood, and a 10-year-old named Laure deliberately presents as a boy named Mikhael to the neighborhood children.

Full Moon in Paris (1984, 7.4 from 3.8k votes): Louise, a young woman, who recently finished her studies in arts, is working as a interior decorator trainee. Playing the game of seduction, her life becomes more and more complicated.

Bob the Gambler (1956, 7.7k from 10.8k votes): After losing big, an aging gambler decides to assemble a team to rob a casino.

La Chinoise (1967, 7.1 from ~6.2k votes): A small group of French students are studying Mao, trying to find out their position in the world and how to change the world to a Maoistic community using terrorism.

The Innocents (2016, 7.3 from ~9.6k votes): 1945. Mathilde is a French Red Cross doctor working on a mission to help the French survivors of the German camps. While she works in Poland, she is asked for help by a nun. In her convent, several nuns are pregnant.

Germinal (1993, 7.1 from ~4.7k votes): In mid-nineteenth-century northern France, a coal mining town's workers are exploited by the mine's owner. One day, they decide to go on strike, and the authorities repress them.

BPM (Beats Per Minute) (2017, 7.4 from ~13.4k votes): Members of the advocacy group ACT UP Paris demand action by the government and pharmaceutical companies to combat the AIDS epidemic in the early 1990s.

Touchez Pas Au Grisbi (1954, 7.8 from ~6.7k votes): An aging, world-weary gangster is double-crossed and forced out of retirement when his best friend is kidnapped and their stash of eight stolen gold bars demanded as ransom.

Jeanne Dielman, 23 Commerce Quay, 1080 Brussels (1975, 7.8 from ~7.4k votes): A lonely widowed housewife does her daily chores, takes care of her apartment where she lives with her teenage son, and turns the occasional trick to make ends meet. However, something happens that changes her safe routine.

Port of Shadows (1938, 7.8 from ~8.2k votes): A military deserter finds love and trouble (and a small dog) in a smoky French port city.

Lumumba (2000, 7.2 from ~1.8k votes): The true story of controversial leader of independent Congo, Patrice Lumumba.

Three Colors: Blue (1993, 7.9 from ~89.6k votes): A woman struggles to find a way to live her life after the death of her husband and child.

The Young Girls of Rochefort (1967, 7.7 from ~8.4k votes): Two sisters leave their small seaside town of Rochefort in search of romance. Hired as carnival singers, one falls for an American musician, while the other must search for her ideal partner.

The Brand New Testament (2015, 7.1 from ~29.8k votes): Did you know that God is alive and lives in Brussels with his daughter?

La Rafle (2010, 7.1 from ~8.2k votes): A faithful retelling of the 1942 "Vel' d'Hiv Roundup" and the events surrounding it.

Diabolique (1955, 8.0 from ~61.4k votes): The wife and mistress of a loathed school principal plan to murder him with what they believe is the perfect alibi.

OSS 117: Cairo, Nest of Spies (2006, 7.1 from ~18.5k votes): Secret agent OSS 117 foils Nazis, beds local beauties, and brings peace to the Middle East.

Mon Oncle (1958, 7.8 from ~18.8k votes): Monsieur Hulot visits the technology-driven world of his sister, brother-in-law, and nephew, but he can't quite fit into the surroundings.

A Man Escaped (1956, 8.3 from ~19.1k votes): A captured French Resistance fighter during WWII engineers a daunting escape from a Nazi prison in France.

The Well-Digger's Daughter (2011, 7.0 from ~3.6k votes): In 1930s southern France, a father is torn between his sense of honor and his deep love for his daughter when she gets in trouble with the wealthy son of a shopkeeper.

Weekend (1967, 7.2 from ~13k votes): A surreal tale of a married couple going on a road trip to visit the wife's parents with the intention of killing them for the inheritance.

Claire's Knee (1970, 7.6 from ~9.0k votes): On lakeside summer holiday, a conflicted older man is dared to have a flirt with two beautiful teenage stepsisters despite his betrothal to a diplomat's daughter and the fact that the girls have boyfriends.

Shoot the Piano Player (1960, 7.5 from ~17.5k votes): Charlie is approached by his crook brother Chico, who is chased by two gangsters. Charlie helps him to escape, but he upsets the criminals, so when his brother Fido is kidnapped, Charlie has to take an attitude with tragic consequences.

My Night at Maud's (1969, 7.9 from ~10.8k votes): The rigid principles of a devout Catholic man are challenged during a one-night stay with Maud, a divorced woman with an outsize personality.

Eyes Without a Face (1960, 7.7 from ~27.5k votes): A surgeon causes an accident which leaves his daughter disfigured, and goes to extremes to give her a new face.

Three Colors: Red (1994, 8.1 from ~90.4k votes): A model discovers a retired judge is keen on invading people's privacy.

The Grocer's Son (2007, 7.0 from ~2.3k votes): Antoine moves home to help his mom drive the mobile grocery, when his dad's hospitalized. He brings Claire along, hoping she'll become more than a friend. He drives around Provence's countryside, selling mainly to old people.

Pickpocket (1959, ~7.7 from 19.6k votes): Michel is released from jail after serving a sentence for thievery. His mother dies and he resorts to pickpocketing as a means of surviva

La Collectionneuse (1967, 7.5 from ~6.6k votes): A womanizing art dealer and a painter find the serenity of their Riviera vacation disturbed by a third guest, a vivacious bohemian woman known for her long list of male conquests.

Code Unknown (2000, 7.2 from ~11.9k votes): A young man harasses a homeless woman, another man protests, the police arrest both and the woman has to leave the country. What were their various story-lines leading up to this event?

Children of Paradise (1945, 8.4 from ~18.2k votes): The theatrical life of a beautiful courtesan and the four men who love her.

The Last Metro (1980, 7.4 from ~12.5k votes): In occupied Paris, an actress married to a Jewish theater owner must keep him hidden from the Nazis while doing both of their jobs.

Danton (1983, 7.5 from ~6.4k votes): In 1793, as the Terror begins in France, Georges Danton, a champion-of-the-people, returns to clash against Maximilien Robespierre and his extremist party.

Orpheus (1950, 8.0 from ~10.5k votes): A poet in love with Death follows his unhappy wife into the underworld.

Lacombe, Lucien (1974, 7.7 from ~6.5k votes): In 1944, an 18-year old boy from small-town France, collaborates with the Nazi-regime and subsequently falls in love with a Jewish gir

L'Atalante (1934, 7.8 from ~14.4k votes): Newly married couple Juliette and a ship captain Jean struggle through marriage as they travel on the L'atalante along with the captain's first mate Le père Jules and a cabin boy.

Le Million (1931, 7.4 from ~3.1k votes): An impoverished painter and his rival engage in a race across Paris to recover a jacket concealing a winning lottery ticket.

La bête humaine (1938, 7.6 from ~6.8k votes): In this classic adaptation of Emile Zola's novel, a tortured train engineer falls in love with a troubled married woman who has helped her husband commit a murder.

Black Girl (1966, 7.4 from ~3.5k votes): A black girl from Senegal becomes a servant in France.

Out 1 (1971, 7.8 from ~1.1k votes): Following the May 1968 civil unrest in France, a deaf-mute and a con artist simultaneously stumble upon the remnants of a secret society.

Les Misérables, Part 1 (1934, 8.2 from ~1.5k votes): The lives of numerous people over the course of 20 years in 19th century France, weaved together by the story of an ex-convict named Jean Valjean on the run from an obsessive police inspector, who pursues him for only a minor offense.

Beau Travail (1999, 7.4 from ~8.5k votes): This film focuses on an ex-Foreign Legion officer as he recalls his once glorious life, leading troops in Djibouti.

[soldouthaz]

hey all!  it’s nearly the end of the year now and it’s time to finish the list of my favorite 2020 fics! (you can find part i of this rec here !) I can’t thank these authors and anyone else who published things this year enough. it’s been many long months where a distraction was much needed, and we got such amazing content for FREE. being able to escape into another world for even just a few minutes right now is priceless. 

to everyone who wrote something, read something, or simply made it through this year, kudos to you! wishing everyone a much more relaxing 2021 with even more amazing fics to come. :)  thank you guys for everything – happy holidays & new year, and happy reading!  

there were so many good ones out this year and there’s no way I can include all of them, but I enjoyed so many more than just the ones on this list! the ones I picked just stood out to me for some reason based on how I was feeling or what I was going through at the time, and they all helped me in some way or another. :) not to mention, I am sooo behind on recent fics and most of the blff, so I will be making more recs slowly into the new year as well!  

quick disclaimer! as with every time I put these together, this list is based on my own opinions and features a variety of different kinds of fics and tropes. I include the info next to them for a reason! please stick to your own preferences and leave any hate out of your choices. that being said, if you enjoy any of these, please leave the author a kudos, comment, or send them a message to let them know you liked it!  

okay, in no particular order!:  

a place with skeletons by @crazyupsetter / whoknows 
 E | 50k | b!L | veela!Louis 

“I would choose anyone other than you,” Louis says, picking up his train of thought again. He feels a lot more cornered and defensive when they’re in Harry’s house, for some reason. 

It doesn’t really make sense, considering that this time, Louis was the one who couldn’t hack it any longer. He broke first. There’s something about being in Harry’s space, though, the green and earthy feeling of it. It should feel like open space with all the plants, but Louis has never felt more claustrophobic than he does when he’s here. Harry’s chest moves against his back, a sharp intake of air. 

Before he can open his mouth to defend himself, Louis keeps going, “If I had a choice in any of this, I would have been saved by that elderly security guard over you. I wouldn’t mind having to have the occasional cuddle with her.” 

even the best laid plans by @falsegoodnight
 E | 25k | b!L | uni au  

Louis wants to have sex with someone and decides Harry is the perfect alpha for the job. 

runaway darling by @solvetheminourdreams 
E | 26k | no smut | wedding au  

An AU where Louis hates weddings, Harry loves them, and together they help a bride skip hers. 

three days in february by @mercurial-madhouse / writing_practice 
 E | 187k | b!L | magical realism  

Louis is cursed after a night out with the lads and the five have just three days to figure out what happened and how to break it before Harry and Louis both lose their sanity and maybe something more. Louis can hear everything Harry thinks and Harry isn’t sure he can keep his feelings for Louis a secret from his own mind. 

a springtime’s wilt, an autumn’s bloom by snowcaplou  E | 20k | b!L | abo 

Harry is Louis' personal chauffeur, and although he hides his feelings for his boss behind a wall of rigid professionalism, Louis still manages to squeeze through the cracks.

just a flicker in the dark by @falsegoodnight 
 E | 57k | b!L | witch!Louis 

Louis is a struggling witch desperate to prove himself after yet another magic disaster and finds a calling in the haunted house of client Niall Horan. Things get more complicated when he’s assigned a case partner: acclaimed medium and ex-boyfriend, Harry Styles. 

terror of surrender by @loubellies 
E | 31k | b!L | yoga instructor!H  

Louis is a recent divorcee with a new favorite yoga teacher, Harry. 

loving you’s a bloodsport by @rosesau
 M | 106k | no graphic smut | royalty au  

harry is a bratty prince, louis is a guard who works in his palace, and niall is the only one who’s got his life in control. 

spoonful of sugar by @zanniscaramouche (check out this part too!)  
E | 43k | b!L | mob boss!Harry  

Louis Tomlinson cares for his family above all else, a fact that’s led him on a twisted path peddling drugs to support them. Just as he’s made the decision to jump ship, Louis gets snared between the two largest crime syndicates in the city. To keep his family safe he’s forced to trust the man that failed to keep his promise two years ago, the resident drug lord he’s unknowingly been working for, Harry Styles. 

quiet people have the loudest minds by @2tiedships2
 M | 38k | referenced b!L | abo 

The one where Louis is a nonverbal omega who has accepted the fact that he will never find an alpha that will treat him as an equal. On the other hand, he’s never met anyone like Harry. 

works like a charm by @falsegoodnight 
E | 18k | b!L | Hogwarts au  

Ever since Louis joined the team in fifth year, a few facts have become set in stone. 

One: Louis is the best chaser in Hogwarts.  

Two: Harry is the best beater in Hogwarts. 

Three: They do not get along.  

So it’s really unfair of Liam to think that forcing them to spend time together as Louis recovers from his injury will make them the best of friends. The last thing Louis would do is get along with that git. 

show you the stars in the daylight by @yvesaintlourent / bruisedhoney 
E | 13k | b!L | friends to lovers  

The one where Louis has a type and at sixteen and scrawy, it’s definitely not his best friend’s little brother Harry…ten years later, he changes his mind. 

in a sea of mist by @tomlinvelvetfics 
E | 126k | b!L | mythology au  

A Greek Mythology/Camp Half-Blood AU where Harry is lost, the road to peace is a wretched one, and somehow, through a mist of confusion and regrets, Louis seems to be the only thing that makes sense and everything Harry needs. 

confessions of a fabricated alpha by @jaerie 
E | 18k | b!H/b!L mention | abo  

famous alpha Harry Styles has a secret and paying an alpha to roleplay a relationship with him over the phone is the only way he can be himself. 

take my whole life too by @goodmorninglou
  E | 24k | b!L | d/s elements | WIP

Louis knows three things, at the base of it all. 

He likes when Harry hurts him. He doesn’t know why, not really, but he knows that he likes it. Likes giving up control, likes feeling small and taken care of, likes being praised for taking whatever Harry gives him for as long as he gives it. He and Harry are meant to be. No matter what time they finally fall together, what day, what age, what place, the moment that they do, that’ll be it. It’s going to be them against everyone else, hand in hand for the rest of their lives. That’s been a given since they met. The half of Louis’ soul that’s missing is Harry’s. 

And, sans those two things, he doesn’t really know much of anything at all. 

sweet like honey by @falsegoodnight  
E | 33k | b!L | amateur porn au  

Harry and Louis need money and they find an unconventional solution in the form of PornHub. It’s not supposed to be a big deal. 

a few rereads posted from before this year that I enjoyed again!  

the case of the (definitely not haunted) styles mansion by briamaria  
E | 40k | b!H | nancy drew au  

the Nancy Drew AU where Marcel is a man of logic, Louis is a private detective who believes in ghosts, and the Styles Mansion is definitely, absolutely, positively *not* haunted. 

canyon moon by @eeveelou  
E | 40k | b!L | abo  

For as long as Louis has remembered, he has been promised to be mated to Harry, his best friend and the future pack alpha. But Louis’s heart belonged to the forest and to the hunt more than he could ever imagine it belonging to Harry.  Then Harry’s father dies in a violent accident, and Louis’s future alpha disappears on the wind.  

An A/B/O Lion King AU 

lemon eyes by @turnyourankle  
E | 50k | b!H | abo  

It’s not proper for omegas to mess around with alphas before finding their bondmate. But Harry doesn’t give a damn what’s proper and fully intends on getting as much experience as he can before even trying to find one. As far as he’s concerned, the right alpha won’t care, and he’ll have some fun on the way.  And who better to start with than Louis Tomlinson, the alpha with the worst reputation on campus? 

all this delusion in our heads by snowcaplou 
 E | 15k | b!L | exes to lovers  

After Harry and Louis break up, they cope with it in very different ways. What will happen when Harry keeps calling his ex over when things go wrong in his life, but Louis just can’t take it anymore? 

the way the storms blow by @rbbsbb  
E | 21k | b!L | roommates au  

Louis doesn’t have a habit of thinking about Harry’s dick. 

That would be weird, seeing as they’re best mates, and they share a flat, and they’ve spent holidays at each other’s family homes. 

Their friendship hasn’t ever risen to a point where Louis should want to see his mate’s dick, and he’s happy to keep it that way.  Except, all that Louis can think about is exactly that. The size of it. The shape. The amount of people it’s been in.  

Maybe it’s the tequila talking, or the fact that Louis’ just recently walked in to an eyeful of Harry taking turns on some slags that he’s never seen before, but. Louis’ mind can’t stop obsessing over the idea. 

and a few more recs from some other fandoms for anyone who might be interested! (feel free to rec me some more if you know of any!)  

burning the ground by lq_traintracks (drarry)  
E | 10k | b!draco | abo 

“Strap him down,” someone said, and Harry felt the rage thicken inside him – the viscous fear. Magical bindings pulled taut around his wrists … He felt a wand touch his arm and then a sharp bite as something punctured the skin, and a sweet, cool tonic rushed his veins. His breathing slowed. His eyelids drooped. The ceiling went grey and dark. And then he heard a woman’s voice sigh, “Someone, get Healer Malfoy.” 

every step you take by nokomis (sterek) 
 E | 50k | light b!Stiles | abo  

Stiles accidentally ends up magically bound to Derek. It’s super. 

+

alright, I think that’s it for this rec! as always, please let me know if i’ve tagged anything incorrectly or if you’d like to be untagged from something!  

and like I said before, I am wayyy behind on reading for these last few months and I need to catch up. when I do, I’ll definitely make some more recs into the new year! 

I just want to say another thank you to anyone who wrote or read or created or just existed this year. it’s been hard on us all but having this outlet definitely made it easier. I can’t wait to see what else is published next year! happy reading everyone, and happy new year! :)

[sledgefuweek]

Each year we take a close look at the prompts for Sledgefu Week, for those who may be stuck for ideas or not quite sure about what the prompts could entail. Below the readmore are all seven prompts, as well as a short write-up exploring what they mean and some ideas to help get the creative juices going. Enjoy!!

Sickfic

This is a really popular and well-known fanfic trope that I feel probably needs little explanation, but I’ll write a little bit about it anyway! It essentially covers fic where one character is ill and the other cares for them -- it could encompass any kind of illness at all, (including chronic illnesses) and there’s a lot of room to get creative with it. You can go for angst, hurt/comfort, or fluff: it’s just a really good general prompt that I think works nicely to kick the week off!

It suits for Sledgefu pretty well, considering Snafu’s canon mild hypochondria, as well as the fact that Eugene’s dad is a doctor. It could be fun to lean into it: make Eugene play doctor for an actually-sick Snafu, and it could be just as fun to subvert it! There’s really endless options for canon fic: shrapnel wounds turned bad, heat-sickness, seasickness, illness from bad food or bad water or any kind of tropical disease you can think of (malaria is a big one!). You could make one of them (or both) a medic; you could genderswap them and write the gay field nurse fic this fandom sorely needs. And of course if you choose to branch out into modern AU you can begin to think of what might afflict them outside of a war setting: has Eugene been working too much and come down with a cold? Are they hungover, and need mutual care (and lots of takeout)? A lot of the time sickfic focuses on one character doing the comforting and the other character feeling unwell, but there’s nothing to say they can’t both be feeling shitty! I think we say this every year but there’s really no rules at all, you do whatever you feel inspired to do. With Sickfic, just be mindful to tag anything that others might be affected by eg. vomiting, blood, needles, etc.

Tarot

I feel like Tarot is pretty well-known to the Sledgefu fandom, or at least to those who like to write Snafu or his family a little witchy. In case you just have a vague idea of what Tarot actually is and what its purpose or origins are, I’ll explain it as concisely as I can! Tarot decks started life in Europe as playing cards, but eventually began to be used for divination. It’s made up of four suits, or the Minor Arcana, (Wands, Cups, Swords, and Pentacles) as well as a twenty-two card Major Arcana (the imagery of which you’re probably very familiar with). Commonly, tarot decks and tarot reading is used as a means of communicating with the higher self, deities, or with the universe. They can be used as a way to see the future, answer questions, or to give/receive advice. There are different ways of reading them too, depending on how one lays out the cards: I don’t want to make this too wordy, but if you’re curious I encourage you to check out this site to learn more!

For writers, there’s a lot of places this prompt could take you! Probably the most obvious will be fortune teller fic; a classic. Lean into Snafu’s Louisiana roots and have him telling fortunes in the depths of the French Quarter, or go against the grain and have Eugene reading cards and palms and tea leaves as a practice passed down through his family. Or maybe more casual: modern AU Sledgefu flirting through amateur tarot readings with a deck picked up from a junk shop. If you read Tarot and have a connection to it, you can express that through writing! It’s a pretty open-ended prompt, especially if you consider some of the meanings of the cards; you could even write a story inspired by that! The Hermit: Snafu withdrawing, leaving Eugene on the train to spend the next few months in solitude, working through things. The Moon: Snafu and Eugene hitting a rough patch, hiding things from each other. The opportunities really become endless once you start taking the readings of the cards into account! And for visual artists, this must be such a fun prompt: I feel like it’s so a visually rich, whether you’re re-drawing the cards to encompass Snafu and Eugene within them, or making a collage based around some of the things mentioned above: fortune tellers shops, witches cottages, etc.

Trinket

Every Sledgefu Week we tend to have a couple prompts that are a little more open to interpretation, and this year’s ‘Trinket’ is one of those. It might be difficult to try and think of something to base a whole fic or piece of art around, but we really encourage you to let your imagination run wild! There’s already some great trinkets in the show itself: Eugene’s ring, the lighter that Gunny Haney gave him, Snafu’s stolen gold teeth, or their dog tags. Think of small, special objects that you might have: what imbues them with comfort or meaning? What makes you love them? You could have Eugene giving Snafu his ring, or have Eugene musing over war and death and loss while smoking a cigarette lit by his lighter. If you’re into Modern AUs, how could these objects carry through to modern day? Once you start thinking about it, the ideas start rolling in. Feel free to invent special trinkets for them: or maybe trinkets that they hate and want to get rid of, trinkets that remind them of bad times. Trinkets that remind them of each other, or family, or war. So much meaning can be held in the things we own, and I think it’s such a lovely concept to explore!

Crossover

So this prompt was born from the sheer number of suggestions we had for various movie, TV, and book AUs. We didn’t want to put them all to the poll and risk a lot of you feeling disappointed over the one you wanted not being selected, so thought it’d work best to condense them into a ‘Crossover’ prompt so everyone could do whatever they liked. So this is a very very broad one! It would be impossible for me to really go through the prompt and highlight some things that you could do for it, because you can really do anything you want to! Anything! It encompasses movies, video games, TV, books, musicals... if something tells a story, you can do a crossover. So if there’s ever been a film/book/etc. AU you wanted to do for Sledgefu Week but couldn’t quite get it to match the prompts, now is the time!

Vacation

A pretty self explanatory prompt, and one that I think can appeal to people who prefer canonverse and those who like modern AU too! Do you want to send Snafu and Eugene on the holiday of their dreams, or are they gonna be bickering in a gas station over who gets control of the map? Is Snafu gonna drive across a couple states to surprise Eugene by visiting? Is Eugene gonna do the same? There’s a lot of scenarios you can apply to the backdrop of them vacationing, and a lot of emotional journeys you can take them through! And for the canonverse crowd, you have the extra addition of letting them go have fun on an R&R, or taking a road trip post-war, visiting 1950s Paris... you can really do whatever you like!

Historical

This was another prompt like ‘Crossover’ that came from a lot of various suggestions that all boiled down to a similar thing: different historical events or periods. So like Crossover, I won’t linger too long on it (this post is long enough already) except just to say again: do whatever you’re inspired to do! There’s no rules here, you could even take everyone out of the Pacific and put them over in Germany: give them a different experience of war. In fact, you can do that with any war if you wanted to! Wanna do a M*A*S*H AU but made something else for Crossover? You could do it here! Want to put them in the 1920s? You got it. In the 1850s? Yeehaw, they’re cowboys now. 1969, Summer of Love? 1600s, make Snafu a prince? Literally the world is your oyster!

Horror

Past Sledgefu Week prompts have included things that could come under the horror umbrella (Supernatural, for example) but didn’t necessarily have to be made 'horrific’. For the ‘Horror’ prompt this year, we want to see frightening! Disquieting, uncomfortable; creations that either cross over with existing horror franchises, or lean on horrific things you come up with yourself. Horror movies, or TV shows, or books or podcasts or pieces of art all seek to elicit a sense of fear: this can be done by tapping into common phobias, or nightmares, those things which are universally and almost instinctively scary. We want to see things which lean into that, in whatever way you want to do it! 

I’m no horror media expert (not by a long shot) but the opportunities for this prompt are really vast simply because horror has so many subgenres to work with. You could go gothic horror; Dracula, Frankenstein, Wuthering Heights (a personal favourite AU -- Eugene soaked out on the moors, searching for Heathcliff-Snafu? Divine). Or you could go to the opposite end of the spectrum: Jennifer’s Body AU, Final Girl AU -- there’s no set way to do horror, in fact you could even bring horror into canonverse if you don’t like AUs. Think the Terror: some unknown beast lurking beyond the borders of their camp on Pavuvu, or Okinawa. Or you could even take the prompt entirely literally and explore the horrors of war and the toll it takes on them both. Please don’t feel stuck into needing to do Scary: horror is about fear and revulsion and dread, and these feelings don’t necessarily need to come from a haunting! (This is also a prompt ripe for monsterfucking, just FYI).

                                                - - - - - - - - - -

So that’s the prompts for this year! They’re all really really great, and have a lot of potential to make some fantastic stuff :~) And to reiterate something I said right at the start, there are no rules here! I think every year we normally get at least one person unsure whether their idea will be okay for the prompt they’d like to make it for, so I just wanna say here: don’t second-guess yourself! As long as it can be linked back to the prompt in some way or another (can literally be the vaguest way possible) you’ll be absolutely fine. We don’t vet submissions at all, especially not for their content relating to the prompts. All we ask is that you remember to stay respectful in what you’re writing, and when the time comes to post it, you tag and warn appropriately :~)

On the subject of writing respectfully, we’d like to just take a moment to link the document on mindful writing re: race and gender that was made last year. Please take a look at it, even if you read it last year! It’s always good to keep these things at the front of your mind, as fandom is a community sport and we want to keep it fun and safe for everyone involved! So thank you if you’ve made it this far through this whole post, check out the doc, and enjoy the rest of the run-up to Sledgefu Week!

[msmatx]

Day Three—Part Two—Atlit & Jerusalem

From the Peres Center in Jaffa we got on the bus for our long drive to Jerusalem. We had three stops along the route. The first stop was Caeseara, a small Mediterranean port city built by Herod the Great. We saw the ruins of a Roman amphitheater where the gladiators performed. It is still in use and one of the most popular places for modern day performers to have concerts in Israel. A short walk over is the hippodrome, where horse races took place.

The young man in the photo is our madrich [guide] through the entire trip. His name is Moshe and he keeps us on schedule and organizes all the logistics of our trip. When he is not doing this tour guide service he is studying to be a nurse. He, like nearly every young person in Israel, has served in the Israeli Defense Forces [IDF]. He was an ambulance driver during his three years of services. It is something we hear about over and over again because it is a requirement for all young persons to do their IDF service. Men serve for three years and women serve for two years. It is a tremendous equalizer and gives all Israelis something in common. It also fosters tremendous responsibility and pride for young adults. Someone shared with me that Yom HaZikaron [Israel’s Memorial Day] is a huge national holiday and very moving because everyone in Israel knows someone who has lost their life in the military since it is required for all people to serve.

On our trip we were fortunate to have a group of retired female Israeli military officers who are also mothers with children currently serving. Their group is called Poreshet. We had long conversations with these women about what it was like to serve in the military their entire careers. Many of them couldn’t share details of their service because they were involved in intelligence missions working to stop terrorism.

Next we went Atlit, another coastal town, where we visited a detainee camp. When the British occupied the area (then called Palestine), the area was used as a “prison” for families who were attempting to immigrate from Britain to Palestine. It was a very emotional thing to see where these families were forced to live and hear the stories about how they were made to suffer. We also heard a story about a group of Jewish people from the nearby town who planned a sneak attack on the camp and worked to get some families out in the middle of the night. Once they snuck out of the camp they had to walk in the dark with all their belongings, adults and children, over the nearby mountains in the dark to the town where they were protected.

While we were waiting to tour Atlit we stopped for a snack I tried a Magnum ice cream bar for the first time. They are very popular in Israel and the Israeli women and Americans who’d been to Israel before were very excited for us to try this ice cream bar.

After Atlit we had an enchanting dinner in a small mountain town, Zichron Yaacob. The little town reminded me of Santa Barbara with Mediterranean/Spanish style buildings built into a hill. Our group style is to order many things from the menu and pass the dishes all around. We are fortunate that we all like healthy dishes but are eager to try all the fun foods. There is always hummus, eggplant, salads, the best bread, olives. After dinner we had a 90 minute drive to Jerusalem. We pulled into Jerusalem at 1030pm after a very long day of traveling and touring. It was such an exciting moment to see the wall of the Old City as we drove through the streets.

[nitrateglow]

My god-tier Audrey Hepburn movies

I just realized I’ve technically seen all of Audrey Hepburn’s movies-- or rather, all the movies in which she was given star billing.

So, because I’m bored, here’s a list of my top ten personal favorites of her films. The criteria is simple: 1) she had to have starred in it, so nothing from her pre-Roman Holiday career counts nor does 1989′s Always, and 2) this is based on my level of enjoyment of the movie in question.

1. Wait Until Dark

Wait Until Dark possesses many merits, but Hepburn is one of its key strengths. For me, the most interesting performances are the ones able to balance seemingly opposing elements of the character in question. Here, Hepburn balances vulnerability with inner strength, insecurity and terror with courage, angry frustration with budding confidence. She makes her character seem like such a real, vital presence, like someone you would know. Also, having someone as sweet as Hepburn as the target for the cruel mind games and brutal violence of the villains makes the horror all the more terrifying.

Beyond her performance, this movie feels like it was tailor-designed to appeal to me: an intelligent and formidable villain, the everyday setting juxtaposed with a menacing atmosphere, scary scenes that don’t rely on gore, eccentric criminals, dark humor, a tight script without an ounce of fat on it. But you’ve heard me go on, so I’ll leave it there.

2. Charade

Charade is a prime example of how to mix suspense and comedy. The mystery at the heart of the movie is very clever, with twists and turns every other moment, constantly keeping the audience on their toes. Best of all, the film holds up after repeat viewings because of the delicious chemistry between Hepburn and Cary Grant, and the witty screenplay, which has such an elegant and tight structure that I seethe with envy as a writer every time I revisit this glorious thriller.

As in Wait Until Dark, Hepburn is concerned for her life as she’s terrorized by criminals, only here, they’re mostly more humorous in nature, sometimes even lovable (except Scobie, he can just jump off a cliff). She mainly gets to exercise her comedic chops, throwing off quips, sarcastic lines, and screwball banter with wonderful finesse. It makes me sad she never made more films with Cary Grant-- the two have a spark that belies the large age gap between them.

3. Roman Holiday

The character-building, naturalistic performances, and humor make Roman Holiday one of the best examples of romantic comedy. The film has both a gentle touch and a grounded maturity that make it more than just a remix of the earlier and quite similar screwball comedy It Happened One Night. To get a bit literary and pretentious, it reminds me a bit of Romeo and Juliet-- not because of the romance, but in how the movie starts as a standard screwball comedy and ends on a lyrical, wistful note you might not have expected.

Even though this was her first lead role in a feature film, I think Hepburn’s performance as Ann remains one of her strongest. Ann feels regal and dignified while also possessing the naivete and restlessness of a teenager on the brink of adulthood. It’s as fabulous a star-establishing movie as anyone could want.

4. How to Steal a Million

How to Steal a Million is pure fun. Not a moment of this caper comedy is to be taken seriously (which makes it the perfect quarantine movie if you need something to de-stress with). I always regard this movie as Charade’s even frothier spiritual successor: both films are playful, stylish, funny, and packed with romantic banter, plot twists, and colorful 1960s fashions. The main difference is that in this one, there’s no mortal threat involved and the humor gets a little more risque though not crass.

Also, how nice is it for Hepburn to be paired with a leading man closer to her age? Peter O’Toole was only three years younger than Hepburn when this was filmed. The two of them have glorious, cute chemistry.

5. The Nun’s Story

I hate the question of “objective best” anything, but if you put a gun to my head, I would say The Nun’s Story is features Hepburn’s most impressive work as an actress. For those who accuse Hepburn of being too affected, of being a mere clothes’ horse, here she is bare-faced, dressed in a nun’s habit, and playing a very reserved character whose dilemmas are largely internal. She plays her character’s spiritual conflict with an understatement that could only be considered skillful.

The film itself will likely be seen as “too slow” by most and there are a few colonial elements towards the Congo section that date it, but the film’s strengths, both from Hepburn’s performance and the mature way it presents its individual versus the system story, give it classic status. Few movies regarding organized religion are this balanced and lacking in propaganda, either for or against it.

6. Breakfast at Tiffany’s

While still Hepburn’s most iconic role, Breakfast at Tiffany’s gets called “overrated” a lot these days and fans of the original Truman Capote novella routinely dog it for making heavy changes to the source material. There’s also the, you know, gross yellowface a la Mickey Rooney that deflates every scene in which he appears. However, is the move bad? NO. It juggles zany comedy, tender romance, and rather heavy drama too well for me to consign it to the “overrated” bin. Blake Edwards was a fine director and this movie is one of his best.

And Hepburn gives a damn good performance as Holly Golightly, even if she is not the character envisioned by Capote. This character could easily be unlikable if played the wrong way-- she’s a “phony,” rather pathetic, and self-loathing despite her wit and charm. But rather than coming off as an unbearable loser, Hepburn’s Holly is a realistic, relatable loser we all love in spite of her own delusions and lashing out. She might even hit too close to home (or maybe that’s just me).

7. Funny Face

Funny Face took a few viewings to grow on me. It was one of the first Hepburn movies I ever saw (that was back in high school) and I was initially excited because it was directed by Stanley Donen who co-directed Singin’ in the Rain with Gene Kelly, a long-time favorite of mine. I expected this movie to be just as sublime and was disappointed when it didn’t hit that high mark.

Rewatching it later, I now find it very charming. It’s incredibly upbeat and relaxing, the sort of old-school movie musical that doesn’t get made anymore. Hepburn’s singing is a bit rough in the bigger numbers, but she is very sweet, a damn good dancer, and quite attractive to the point where she just takes my breath away. Fred Astaire and Kay Thompson are also wonderful and get a lot of great moments that show off their talent.

8. My Fair Lady

When considering what would go on this list, I was honestly shocked to realize how much I like this movie. I’m in the camp that considers Hepburn miscast, I find George Cukor’s direction rather stiff, and I really don’t like how the ending is changed from the original play. In spite of all this, I still really enjoy this movie for the songs, costumes, and what remains of Shaw’s brilliant satire on class and gender relations. Those three hours go by and the movie never outstays its welcome.

While I think Hepburn wasn’t the number one best choice for the part (I don’t really buy her as a crass flower girl in the beginning), she isn’t a disaster by any means. She’s still charming and sympathetic, and once she makes her transformation, you have to wonder how Higgins held it together, she’s so gorgeous. And I love the relish with which she approaches the “Just you Wait” song or the way she delivers the “move your bloomin’ arse” line at the races.

9. Sabrina

I think producers figured because of the fairy tale appeal of Roman Holiday, Hepburn would be perfect for this modern take on Cinderella, set in 1950s New York. Just like in Roman Holiday, Hepburn gets to undergo dramatic character development and show her comedic skills. It’s a cute movie, with a very charming William Holden and gorgeous black-and-white cinematography. It’s also shockingly uncynical for a Billy Wilder project.

About the closest thing this movie has to a flaw is Humphrey Bogart as Linus, the guy who Sabrina chooses in the end. This is a role Cary Grant could have played in his sleep, but Bogart clearly is not enjoying himself in some scenes. However, he isn’t movie-breakingly bad by any means. His character is meant to be a hidden softie and far more dependable than his handsomer brother, so I can buy that Sabrina would warm to him in the end.

10. They All Laughed

People tend to argue what the last “worthwhile” Hepburn movie is. Most argue it’s 1976′s Robin and Marian, while I’ve seen some go as far back as How to Steal a Million in 1966. They All Laughed, a Peter Bogdonavich comedy from 1981, gets my vote. This is a love letter to screwball comedies much like Bogdonavich’s 1972 classic What’s Up Doc, only with a far more melancholy edge.

Hepburn does not become a major presence in the movie until nearly halfway through. However, she approaches her role with a mature dignity that makes me wish she’d done more work along this line towards the end of her career. Her character comes off as an older, sadder Princess Ann from Roman Holiday. This makes the movie sound morose, but it isn’t: it ends with life going on and the characters accepting that with grace.

[priorireverte]

Congratulations Ash!

Your application for Ted Tonks has been accepted. And we have a simply, truly happy reunion of the formerly dead! Hooray! I’m so happy for the Tonks. Unless . . . things are never as easy or simple as they appear.

Please look to the checklist for the next steps and reach out if you have any questions!

OUT OF CHARACTER

NAME & PRONOUNS: Ash they/them

TIMEZONE: EST

ACTIVITY LEVEL: I’m a front end dev for a virtual event platform who works between 5-7 days a week but I’m usually active after 6pm and on weekends. I have slow weeks when on lighter projects and busier weeks when we have a lot of shows.

ANYTHING ELSE: N/A on triggers. I’ve been roleplaying on tumblr for i think 14 years? Too long.

CHARACTER DETAILS

NAME: Edward “Ted” Álvaro Sepulveda Tonks

BIRTHDATE: October 10th, 1952

DEATHDATE: March 15th, 1998

GENDER, PRONOUNS, and SEXUALITY: Cismale, he/him, flexible heterosexual.

BLOOD STATUS: Muggleborn

HOUSE ALUMNI: Hufflepuff

OCCUPATION: Prior to going on the run, Ted worked as a Broadcaster for the Wizarding Wireless Network. Upon return, he doesn’t have a career yet.

FACECLAIM: Pedro Pascal

CHARACTER BACKGROUND

POSTBELLUM

Ted had been on the run for seven months. Over half a year, without seeing his wife or daughter, spent in the countryside near his childhood holiday spots. Doing just a sad excuse of camping for what? To lose his life to a group of indoctrinated youth and the werewolf who turned his son-in-law?

The pain is the last thing he remembers. Ted was never a stranger to pain. Not during scuffles in primary school or stray hexes in the corridors of Hogwarts. Though he couldn’t say he had ever experienced pain like this, it wasn’t all pain. There was a warmth, not unlike the one he felt when falling asleep to his wife, that urged him to close his eyes. They hadn’t hurt Dean yet and that was the one thing Ted had wanted to make sure of. Not the boy, too young to be going through this. Just him.

Waking up in the Ministry had been a surprise. He expected death or a dungeon, tied to a tree if they were truly desperate, but he wasn’t chained or shackled. There were no ropes keeping him. Just a barrier and soft voices explaining his new reality. He laughed. It was all he could do really. Laugh at his luck, if that’s what it was. He had been brought up Catholic and, if he tried, Ted could still tell you the stations of the cross. He didn’t feel much like Jesus coming back from the dead. He hadn’t done enough with his life to claim that nor would he ever. But the irony of rising again, of another chance at life, got to him. Ted found himself praying before bed. Silently staring up at the ceiling, asking for the safety of his family. His wife, Dora, Remus, and his grandchild. If he recited his prayers, something he hadn’t done in nearly thirty years, perhaps he’d find them safe. Unchanged by the war and happy.  

He finds himself running his hand over his throat or chest, searching for scarred skin. There’s no sign of his attack. No physical reminder of what ended his life and, he has to know, did it really end? Why was he given a second chance over so many others? He wasn’t a true Order member. He never fought back against blood supremacy in a strong way. Ted lived his quiet life with his family not wanting to make waves. He had just wanted to be happy.

If he could go back and do it all again, he still would have gone on the run. He would have resisted capture. Stood in front of Dean to give him a chance to run for it. He has regrets of course. Not being with his wife in times of terror and uncertainty. Missing the birth of his grandchild who is no doubt just as much of a terror as Dora had been. But his family’s safety matters much more than his own life does. Well, did.

PERSONALITY

If there’s anything Ted was, or is, good at it’s talking. He can tell a story with a smile clear in his voice and actions. Read an ad or two over the Wizarding Wireless Network like nobody’s business. That’s what he loves most, telling stories.  His childhood was filled with stories of his parents’ time in Chile and new tales of Cornish mythology. Those words didn’t leave Ted as he grew older. He still turns to them in times of stress, taking the advice from their lessons to heart. He may know now that life can have struggles but he didn’t used dwell. If you’re a good person, you will have a good life. He knows music can tell a story in the best way. It doesn’t matter what language you speak or know. You can be countries away and hear a song written fifty years ago and the story is clear.

He’s rather gifted in charms, finding that when he discovered magic it was the least imposing course of study. Ted tries to find the beauty in all he can. Charms was just a class that made that easy. It’s how he became interested in broadcasting in the first place. He had fancied he’d be a writer, even though his speech was always better than his writing, but the intersectionality of older muggle technology and magic was too much of a puzzle to pass up.  

He’s never been mindful when it comes to tidying up. He’s no tornado. As he’s gotten older, Ted is sure his ways of leaving things around the home and forgetting dates and times has been a constant aggravation to his wife. His sense of time was never good. He tends to get caught up in conversation, appreciating face to face interaction over anything. He always floo calls when you’re supposed to write. Andromeda has dragged him away from too many conversations when they were just supposed out for one errand.

Ted doesn’t know how to deal with loss. His father passed a few years into Dora’s childhood and he never spoke about it much. His mother moved back to Chile soon after. His solution was cooking as much of the food he had grown up with as possible. Playing the music his mother had blasting over the record player in the kitchen during his childhood. Teaching her all the tales he had been taught. All the little lessons he was given.

Inaction could be said to be one of Ted’s failures. He thinks, or thought, that no matter how bad things got there was always a light at the end of the tunnel. He supposes this ideal isn’t gone from him. He’s been given a second chance. Prior to death, he presumed you could muster through anything and if you stayed a good and kind person you could get through to the other side. He was taught God rewarded the good. It was why his parents had immigrated to England before he was born, why they were given the opportunity. They were good people. They deserved a chance to make something of themselves. It was why he and Andromeda were able to build a life together. But not joining the order and taking a stand against blood supremacists and extremists didn’t keep him safe the second time. It didn’t allow his family to be untouched by loss. Things hadn’t worked out until now.

BRIEF OVERVIEW OF FAMILY

Edward “Ted” Álvaro Sepulveda Tonks was born in Truro, Cornwall, England to two Chilean immigrants in the fall of 1952. His parents had moved to Truro prior to his birth for more opportunities. Although they named their son Edward in hopes of assimilation for him and his father anglicized their last name from Tolhauzsen to Tonks, Chilean culture was the main theme of their home. It was baked into every fiber of his being whenever he walked through the door. English was barely spoken in the household, only more so in the time that he and Andromeda lived with his parents. Bringing in take away had to be done under the cover of night or he faced his mother’s stern looks and even sterner words. His mother didn’t work in the traditional sense but as a homemaker excelled beyond compare. His father was an employee at a music store and eventually came to own it.

His parents are the reason Ted is and was so family focused. It was taught to him that family comes before everything and he carried that through with him to adulthood. They were the people who stood by you in all things. Eventually he came to understand that could apply to chosen families as well. It was strange for him to meet Andromeda and learn that not all families put the same values of love and care in places of high honor. Respecting your parents was highly important but loving them and receiving love in return was what that respect was built on.

Despite not growing up the richest, Ted never wanted for much. He was an only child who was rather dotted upon by his parents. To learn that he was a wizard might have been the only serious friction they went through. If not for the day his girlfriend showed up on his doorstep to tell him that she was pregnant. His parents grew to love magic when he came home for the summers and showed them what he had learned but as he grew older, Ted found it harder to see a life where he could stay in their world. In the muggle world at all. It would be like shutting a part of himself off. Like not living up to his full potential.

HISTORY

Hogwarts was a fantasy. There was no other way to describe it. It was nothing like Ted could every dream when he wondered why strange things always happened to him. When he was younger and broke his mother’s vase and it stitched itself back together. Or when he would run home from primary school and make it back in a fraction of the time it took to get there. The answer to any of his happy accidents wasn’t magic. It couldn’t be. And yet, it was. He just didn’t expect a different flavor of exclusion when Hogwarts was presented to him.

Injustice wasn’t unfamiliar to Ted Tonks. Growing up during the mid 1950s, he was used to seeing ‘Keep Britain White’ signs. His parents were strong and kept their heads up despite the riots and protests surrounding them. His father told Ted, stay kind and stay sharp. If you stayed kind, no one could go against you. If you stayed sharp, no harm would come to you. As Ted moved into the wizarding world, he learned that he would not be judged by the color of his skin or his family’s country of origin but his blood was still in no way pure. He leaned on his father’s words and was sorted into Hufflepuff.

Andromeda Black was another happy accident. He’d have had to be blind not to notice her. He didn’t count on her noticing him. He had gained a good group of friends just by his nature but their social circles never interacted. How could they? The segregation of houses, purebloods and non-purebloods, was a clear line. It was during classes that the line was able to be blurred. Mutual tutoring turned into secret meetings over the years. Promised whispers Ted told himself not to believe in or give hope to. It wasn’t until the day Andromeda stood on his doorstep looking very much not like herself, a year after they had graduated Hogwarts and continued seeing each other in secret, that Ted knew she was an inevitability. They weren’t married when Dora became even a speck on the horizon. He was still an intern for WWN at the time and she had given up her whole life for them. For their family. Ted wasn’t sure he would ever be able to sacrifice something that even slightly measured up to the gift she had given him.

Nymphadora wasn’t a name he chose. It wasn’t a name he would have thought of but his later years of Hogwarts had been marked with many nights in the Astronomy Tower learning all the stars from a girl named after one of them. It was certainly more regal than Ted would ever be. And if he happened to know of a certain saint with the same name and told his mother that Andromeda was thinking of converting to Catholicism, no one was the wiser.

Their small home in the country was never a place of worry or fear but some days when Andromeda left for St. Mungo’s, Ted worried until she was back safe and sound in his arms. It took eight years after his daughter’s birth for Ted to feel comfortable bringing her to work with him. To not look over his shoulder in the marketplace for fear someone would be looking for them.

After Dora had left Hogwarts and decided to become an auror, Ted began to worry again. He was good at hiding it. Puttering away in their little garden or forcing his wife to listen to his stories of the new musical group that was destined to become the next Weird Sisters. He kept as busy as he could, even if busy meant learning new recipes with Andromeda or spending nights in the backyard with their telescope. They could endure another war. He wasn’t worried about that. He was worried about Dora, full of her mother’s spirit and wit out there fighting it.

OOC EXPLORATION

WHAT ARE YOU MOST LOOKING FORWARD TO?

I think the idea of the dead coming back is such an interesting premise. We never get to learn more about the Veil or the Department of Mysteries and this is such a cool take. Ted is one of my favorite characters who I’ve never been able to portray at an older age.

Also, an rp that values writing over one-liners? Sign. Me. Up.

EXTRA FOR NON-BIO CHARACTERS

CHARACTER CONTRIBUTION

Ted Tonks is one of the many minor (minor) characters in the Harry Potter universe but his story is so interesting to me. To decide that he was going to marry a well-known pureblood woman and make a life with her in such a dangerous time is such a heavy decision. I think Ted can represent a lot of good natured and honest qualities, valuing love above all else. I’m truly excited, if I get the chance, to play with how those values can shift if he’s given a second chance at life. Will he be less hesitant than before? More likely to throw himself into the fray? Or will he be even more cautious at staying out of the affairs of others? Family is really the only thing he has left and I believe he cherishes it above all else.

PRESENT

Ted has been back for six days. He’s sat in the Ministry camp, and really what else can he call it? His cot isn’t comfortable, nothing like his bed at home but a supreme upgrade from the forests of England. He’s surrounded by old friends he had fallen out of touch with years ago. People he hasn’t seen since his own time at Hogwarts. There’s still only three people he desperately wishes to see. His wife, his daughter, and his grandchild. But something is wrong and Ted knows that. He hadn’t realized he died when they first told him. He just thought he had been tortured. There’s something in these Unspeakables’ eyes, in the lines of their faces, that tells Ted he had missed quite a lot. The other matter at hand is his wand. He hasn’t been given it back. It’s not odd for him to do things the muggle way. Before all of this, he took a sense of pride in doing things slowly. Taking his time to craft a dish or fold some clothes, it gave him time to think and pause. But since he was eleven years old, Ted has never been without his wand or without magic. When he lays in his cot at night, after a time of silent reflection and prayer that could better be described as a plea to whatever entity is out there, Ted focuses on the small bit of wandless magic he used to be able to do. A lumos he had to learn when Dora was young and used to come into their bedroom in the middle of the night. Eyes full of tears at the dreams of monsters in the dark, under her bed or in the hallway closet. When he was too groggy to grab his wand from the bedside table, a small ball of light at his fingertips was the next best thing. Now, he can’t even muster up the slightest of glow.

[howwelldoyouknowyourmoon]

Life Without Reverend Moon by Jen Kiaba – October 22, 2012

Thirty-thousand feet seems like a good altitude at which to question one's life. “I am already in motion,” I tell myself. It's a kind of progress. Shortly after my twentieth birthday I was in progress, between JFK and Heathrow, en route to Oslo.

After takeoff the girl sitting next to me smiled kindly, asking where I was headed. I told her:

“To Norway. To visit my husband.” She reached into her bag and pulled out a stack of glossy women's magazines, offering me several. They promised hot sex tips, orgasm-inducing positions, and advice on how to find a man to orgasm with. She pointed to a few with a wink. “Maybe you can find something nice in there for your husband.”

Today, almost a decade later, to use the word husband feels wrong; I avoid it. But at the time it was what he said I should call him. “I am your husband!” he would say. The word sounded foreign in my ears; "husband" was supposed to be a word attached to “honoring” and “cherishing,” and whatever else heartfelt marriage vows should entail. But I had not been given the choice to say those vows.

My parents were married, along with two thousand other couples, in Reverend Sun Myung Moon's Unification Church at Madison Square Garden on July 1, 1982. I was the first of five children, and we were all raised as members of the Unification Church's Second Generation, who were thought to be born sinless and of God's Lineage, through the Blessing marriage ceremony officiated by Rev. Moon. Theologically this meant that Rev. Moon, as the purported Messiah, had created a heavenly lineage through his personal perfection, relationship with God, and marriage with (the much-younger) Hak Ja Han, in 1960.

Growing up, I always had the expectation that Rev. Moon would choose my spouse. In the Unification Church, one didn't date. Flirtatious interactions with the opposite sex were severely frowned upon, all activities were separated by gender, and we referred to one another as brother and sister in order to emphasize platonic relations. Sex before marriage was absolutely out of the question. The Church had a word for that: falling. To fall was the greatest sin that could be committed, and it could not be undone. To fall was to enter the realm of Satan, to be cut off from God and to wound His already-suffering heart.

Perhaps childhood's greatest tragedy is what we learn to normalize. In my upbringing, to question what we were taught was to invite Satan and the evil Spirit World into your mind; to fend off evil, one must quiet the questions and dive further into the readings and teachings of Rev. Moon. Some of the most effective brainwashing was what we had been taught to perpetuate upon ourselves.

At 19 I found myself on a terrifying personal precipice. I was seriously considering leaving the Unification Church, but with no means of supporting myself and no safety net outside of the insular church community, the notion was enough to bring me to panicked tears. Yet I didn't know if I believed Rev. Moon, his world, or his supposed messianic mission. As a reflex, I was ashamed and hated myself for feeling that way.

When word of an administrative opening in the US Second Generation Department reached my family, I was intrigued. What better way was there to understand what this movement was all about than by working for one of the central organizations? So, before making a decision to abandon the culture of my childhood, I climbed into the belly of the beast looking for truth. That’s where I lost my way.

When the Christmas holidays rolled around, I took my miniscule stipend and boarded an Amtrak train home to ponder the nothingness I had found but had not yet accepted. When I arrived home, there was news: after five years of having parents match their children, Rev. Moon was stepping up again, and was going to conduct a matching ceremony for the Second Generation.

My parents sat me down in the bedroom, listing all of the reasons why I should go. Though it was left unspoken, we all knew that at almost 20 years old, my eligibility expiration date was staring me hard in the face. My mother finished with, “If Jesus came to you and said that he had found your perfect spouse, what would you say to him?” She paused for effect. “Now, how much more is Father?”

How could I say no? To refuse was to deny the remotest possibility that this man might be who he said that he was. I simply had not gotten there in my journey. Besides, I told myself, it was just a matching. My match and I would have time to get to know each other before deciding to get married.

My biggest mistake was to assume that I would be allowed to exercise free will.

My mother dropped me off at East Garden, one of the Moon family's mansion-compounds in Tarrytown, NY, and I entered into the ballroom of the estate with approximately 10 other nervous young people. For the next several hours, one of the Korean leaders proceeded to lecture us on our unworthiness. That’s when I found out that by the time we left, we were all going to be Blessed to someone.

The panic blossomed. I had to leave and began approaching anyone, even strangers, to ask to borrow their cellphones. Repeated calls home, begging my parents to come pick me up, were answered in the negative.

By the end of the day, the ballroom was packed to capacity. Young people from all over the United States, Asia, and Europe had answered Rev. Moon's call. Late in the evening, Rev. Moon came out to address us through his interpreter. Though I had never heard them from his mouth before, I desperately wanted to hear words of wisdom — or something that rang true — from the man who held my future in his hands.

One phrase stuck out to me in the monotony: “Do you want me to match you tonight?” A thunderous “Yes” answered Rev. Moon's question, and we were lined up into rows, divided down the middle, and categorized.

I should have left, I tell myself. I should have simply snuck out of the sweltering ballroom, slipped out of the mansion, and found my way through security to get outside of the compound. Even if I had had to follow the train tracks from Tarrytown back home, I should have left. But with no money, no means of communication, and no idea if I would have a home to go back to if I left, I was frozen in place. Besides, I had been trained to obey.

Suddenly Rev. Moon began pointing. A girl, then a boy would stand up, acknowledge each other, bow to Rev. Moon, and then be ushered out to be “processed” by administrators. My breathing was shallow; I tried to quiet my mind and draw upon the things I had been taught.

Absolute faith. Absolute Love. Absolute Obedience.

When Rev. Moon's finger pointed to me, time stopped. I looked deep into the eyes of the man who had bidden me to rise with his gesture and saw nothing. I was gazing into the eyes of the man who was determining my future, and I had expected to see some sort of timelessness, or to feel as though his eyes were digging into my soul. But he was looking through me, as though his finger had arbitrarily found its way to me in a game of love roulette. I felt suspended over an infinite emptiness.

Then time sped up, his finger jabbed in another direction, then another and another. Three other people stood up, and I had no idea which of the other two men I had been assigned to. One I had met at a summer camp several years ago, but he was looking at someone else. The other man gestured to me and I found myself eye-level with a shrunken and pilled sweatshirt emblazoned with the word “Norway.”

In an instant, I was no longer suspended. A kind of darkness engulfed my mind, the words “game over” ringing in my ears. Afterward, everyone was abuzz with excitement; I desperately looked around to try and find someone whose face mirrored the same panic I was trying to fight. A gesture from above caught my attention. “Norway” was trying to introduce himself to me.

Finally I looked up at the man that Rev. Moon had chosen for me. "Tall" was the only word that came to mind. Over the noise, he tried asking me questions; what they were and how I answered, I forget. Those next hours were a strange blur — alternating between sadness and terror. At one point I borrowed someone's cellphone and called home. It was 2 a.m. and my mother's sleepy voice answered. “I'm matched,” I said without emotion. “To a Norwegian. His name is Chris.” Then I hung up.

We were woken up the next morning at 5 a.m. for morning service. I had lain awake all night, clutching my stomach, trying to keep nausea at bay. Chris found me and approached me with a bagel — the first meal I remember receiving in 24 hours. The smell of food made me ill and I politely refused. Despite his best efforts to chat with me and have the “getting to know you” small-talk, I could barely muster words.

Every so often I would sneak away to borrow another cellphone, calling home in tears. But if my parents had refused to budge before, they certainly weren't going to now that they had a son-in-law waiting in the wings.

The day after Christmas, at the back of that crowded ballroom, I was wearing a wedding dress that didn't fit, standing next to a tall stranger, and repeating vows in a language I didn't understand. After the Blessing ceremony, we had official photos taken. As the photographer told us to say “cheese,” I realized that I couldn't remember how to smile.

I still have that photo. I look like a confused child playing a bizarre game of dress-up; I'm gazing into the camera with a lost expression. Chris is looking away, dressed in an equally ill-fitting tuxedo. The picture would have been funny if it weren't so sad.

That was how I found myself several months later at 30,000 feet, bound for Norway. To fight the mounting dread of the impending arrival, I immersed myself in the magazines that my neighbor had kindly lent me. It was the first time I had ever picked up any material that encouraged an expression of sexuality, and I felt a delicious bit of rebellion wash over me.

As I pored over the pages, I could feel certain gears shifting as pieces of me unlocked and unwound inside. The women in these pages catapulted me into an exhilarating daydream in which my choices were my own. That daydream left an intense hunger within me.

As a 20-year-old virgin, I wanted to know what it would be like to sleep with a man because you wanted to, or because you loved him, not because you were pressured by your parents and his parents to “start family life.” The idea of sex with Chris made my skin crawl, and I had no idea if I would face pressure from him or his parents when my plane touched down.

Rev. Moon died on September 3, 2012, at the age of 92. His daughter, In Jin Moon, stepped down from her role as leader of the American church a few days later, after having given birth to a child from a three-year affair with a married man. While the church has not been a part of my life for many years now, I've watched these recent events and their fallout with interest.

At first, this news of Rev. Moon's daughter didn't bother me. Then the leadership began trying to explain away her actions and affair, saying that she "chose love when she had a chance.” How many of us were given the allowance to "choose love when we had the chance"? That was something we were explicitly denied; instead were taught to feel ashamed for our feelings unless they were chosen for us, and then sanctioned by someone with power over us.

Sometimes I wonder where my life would be if I had sat next to someone else on the plane, who offered to let me borrow a copy of The Economist instead. The girl next to me on the plane offered a small form of salvation; in a kind gesture she offered me a glimpse into a world that I had had no idea existed. It was a world in which I did not need to be ashamed of my body and my sexuality. My desires for love were not evil. It was a world that encouraged me to discover who I was, not a world in which I had to break my inner-self down to fit a preconceived notion of goodness and of womanhood. Most important, it was a world that let me take ownership of my future, my free will, my reproduction, and my heart. It was a world that I finally knew I needed to escape to.

And I did. It didn't happen overnight. It didn't happen while I was in Norway. It took me almost two years of fighting with Chris, fighting with his parents and my own, before a church divorce was granted. The decision to "break the Blessing" was an agonizing one that took me turning myself inside-out, trying to reform into the kind of person who could love and accept Chris. But finally, I walked away — free but with a proverbial Scarlet "A" branded into my chest, as far as other church members were concerned. Today I am proud of it. It is my battle scar from a fight I am proud to have survived, because I fought my way into this new world.

Jen Kiaba is a photographer living in New York's Hudson Valley. Her work explores dreams, memory, fantasy, and the realms where all three blend. This is her first personal essay. She and her sister also have a blog about their experiences within the Unification Church.

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The Purity Knife: Sex, Death and Human Trafficking in the Unification Church

http://summerofcheesecake.blogspot.com/

https://www.jenkiaba.com/portfolio

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Jen Kiaba on the Ares Meyer podcast

Conceptual Self Portrait Artist
Join me in conversation with Artist Jen Kiaba as we talk Poetry, Self Portraits and Child Marriage.

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/conceptual-self-portrait-artist/id1549515902?i=1000507915214

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Why Didn’t You Just Leave?

Jen Kiaba
: Hello and welcome to my least favorite question in the entire world. It’s one I’ve heard more times than I care to count, and sadly I think that’s something many cult survivors can relate to. In the past that question used to make me clam up and spiral into shame, or mumble, “It’s not that simple.” But in those days I didn’t fully understand the coercive control mechanism that were used to keep me, and so many others, trapped.

Read more:
 https://jenkiaba.medium.com/lessons-on-leaving-why-didnt-you-just-leave-789953c4689a

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We Are All Vulnerable

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‘Falling Out’ Elgen Strait podcast  April 6, 2021

13. Fuel For Nightmares: Jen Kiaba – Part 1

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/13-fuel-for-nightmares-jen-kiaba-part-1/id1550448436?i=1000516011584

• Jen’s website: jenkiaba.com • Introducing a new segment “Autotune the Moon.” • “Bad Moon Rising” by John Gorenfeld – Recommended by Jen.


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‘Falling Out’ Elgen Strait podcast  April 13, 2021

14. Scorpion House: Jen Kiaba – Part 2

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/14-scorpion-house-jen-kiaba-part-2/id1550448436?i=1000516958607

Recommended reading from Jen: "Pure: Inside the Evangelical Movement That Shamed a Generation of Young Women and How I Broke Free" by Linda Kay Klein

[rewrittendefiance]

Three years.

It was three years since Judgement Day and the duo had been on the run ever since. They made themselves scarce in case another terminator was sent in another assassination attempt on Jane's life. Hotel after hotel, camp after camp. There hadn't been many attempts to send Jane to school, to continue her learning, but Kyle did his best to teach her what he could in their free time: everything from tactics, weapons and how to make them, the future war they hoped they prevented. Of course, Jane didn't mind one bit, she liked the idea of being 'homeschooled' where she only had her father to worry about and not a multitude of kids with a more or less uncaring teacher.

She didn't mind that one bit. After all, it always had been the two of them. Plus, this way it gave both of them a chance to explore the world,  allow Kyle to see how everyone was, how it should be. They were currently in Guatemala, after following Sarah's original plan in going South. Livington seemed a nice holiday destination, where it was bright, sunny, and windy. Quite a few tourists around as well but neither of them minded that. Sometimes being around other people was good for them, to keep their communication skills from getting rusty.

Naturally, at the sight of the beach, Jane wanted to mess around, to prolong being a child longer. She had just turned thirteen a few months prior but that didn't stop her from attempting a sandcastle, or kicking the water as she ran through the soft waves that crashed along the shore. There were other children, some, if not all, younger than her that joined in on the fun. Kyle resided on a chair just inside the large bar to keep an eye on his daughter as she played near the water's edge. However, she soon grew thirsty and came up to the open store and asked for some money for a drink. He swiftly turned around to face the table as he knew his daughter will sit down with him. Jane chatted with another girl who sat right up at the bar as she waited for her soda.

The calmness of the day had made them too relaxed. No one expected what happened next. Due to the placement of his chair, Kyle didn't see the familiar man approach. The face that had become much like a father figure to the growing girl. It's then Jane had received her drink and turned around to go sit with her father when a look of horror crossed the girl's face. That cheerful smile replaced with one of terror, similar to the one she wore at their first encounter in the mall. The change in expression alerted the man that something was wrong.

The T 101, now dressed casually, swiftly removed the covering on his gun as he entered the open bar. Everything moved in slow motion, especially when the first shot struck. The bullet lodged itself right into the young teen's chest and the force sent her sprawling onto the ground. Screams erupted as the nearby civilians bolted the scene in alarm. Kyle yelled out soon as the gun fired and he stood up from his chair hard enough that clattered to the ground as he whipped his gun out to fire at the terminator's back, which did not hinder him in the slightest.

The ex-soldier moved quickly on his feet to get in front of the terminator and grabbed the gun in hopes of disarming him, but it was in vain. Kyle suddenly found himself on the ground after a swift yank of his hair had sent him flying back. His eyes locked with his daughter's and he took in the pitiful sight. The blue sundress she wore slowly turned a dark red, a hand pressed against the bullet to try and stop the bleeding. The T800 towered over Jane and aimed his weapon and fired the second shot: right through the heart. That killed her instantly and confirmed to the father that the attack was successful as the gun dropped to the floor as it was no longer needed. The terminator turned and filed out onto the beach as the mission finally was completed.

Kyle scrambled up from the ground only to cross the few feet that separated him from his daughter. His daughter he fought to protect all these years, his child that was now dead. He cradled the brunette as he cried for the third time since she's been born. He could feel his shirt growing soaked with blood but he didn't care. It wasn't long until sobs wracked his body. There was a commotion around him but nothing registered in his mind. Not until voices reached his arms, hands on his shoulders. Kyle flinched and held his daughter tighter. He didn't want to let go, he couldn't. The touches became more firm, more persistent as he repeated no.

However, he was forced to let go when strong arms pulled him away and up onto his feet. He thrashed about in attempts to get away as paramedics replaced him to check over his daughter's lifeless form, knowing this could be the last time he'd see her. At least before she'll be put in those black bags.

Anger boiled in his blood, and he saw red. He made a vow then and there to terminate the machine that took his pride and joy away.

[fallintomyhands]

Blacked out card for @barisifandomevents !

Fake Relationship: Dreams – Asmodesgold (M) 

·        Barba gets the flu. Carisi gets more than he bargained for. A sweet, soft fic full of longing and loving care.

Wedding:  In Vino Veritas – etothepii ( E ) 

·        A bachelor party, a wedding, late nights in the office, and confusion. One of my favorite fics of Carisi figuring himself out, featuring a lot of unique but realistic situations, tenderness and heat, angst, and hopefulness. A fandom must read.

Alternate Universe: The Primitive and Sanctified – Konigsberg ( E ) 

·        Demons exist, unbeknownst to SVU… except the members counted amongst their ranks. This is one of my favorite stories of all time, and please don’t let the supernatural elements (or the fact this is sadly still a WIP) “scare” you away! The “monstrous” elements are used to perfectly capture characterization, and this is the most tender fic I’ve ever read.  Makes you want to crawl into the soft, dreamy feelings and live there forever. Please give this a shot if you haven’t already; perfection.

Crack Fic: Overstepping – rellkelltn87 (M) 

·        A raid on a real-life mad scientist goes horribly wrong, and ends with Carisi “in a family way.” I never thought I’d see an mpreg story in this fandom that could come off so believable, but this author works miracles (in a much kinder way than her characters!) Part casefic, part romance, all suspense, don’t pass this one up, you will not be disappointed!

Based on a Movie:  Do Monsters Dream? – bourgeois ( E ) 

·        Shape of Water AU in which Sonny works at an aquatic research facility and meets someone special. Takes place in a timeline where we see Carisi struggling after the Tom Cole incident, heart wrenchingly portrayed through his losses, personal and professional, and his meeting of another lonely, imprisoned soul. Beautifully written, absolutely captivating prose, wistful, heartfelt and magical.

Animals:  Yuletide by the Fireside – Juniperhoot 

·        First Christmas with a new love, and unfortunately a new, smaller paycheck. Tenderness, cozy domesticity, and the most adorable dog ever singing along to bad TV music numbers; what more could you want? If your answer was ‘thoughtful characterization’ – that’s here too!

First Date:  Everything Seems a Little Bit Sweeter – rafaelbaseball, burgeois 

·        Barba is obsessed with a YouTube chef, and enters a contest to meet him for dinner. One of the earliest fics I was obsessed with. The whole series is lovely, and the actual date is so tentative and lovely it makes my heart clench. Barba finding himself not in the age group of Sonny’s fans is painfully relatable and a stroke of genius.

Carisi Family:  A Healing Year – Adrianna_m_scovill (M) 

·        A year in the life of Barba and Carisi, in which Barba faces his insecurities and begins to heal, and to love. A fantastic story from start to finish, with top notch characterization and intense emotions, steamy sex, and everything in between. I chose this for my family fic not just because there’s a lovely holiday spent with the Carisi family, but because the fic also embodies how Carisi manages to make everyone in his life his family. Utterly captivating story from an author that always makes an emotional impact.

Soulmates:  Choose To Be With You – Robin Hood 

·        Sometimes the person who has your heart doesn’t have your soul. Great take on the soulmates trope, heartfelt, heartbreaking, mature. Insightful characterization of both characters, but especially Carisi, who faces an impossible situation, and reacts exactly how I believe the character would do.

Get Together:  Noche Sin Estrella – Lambnoire 

·        Casefic in which Barba is injured, and Carisi figures something out about himself when his protective streak becomes something more. A pretty much perfect fic; perfect characterization, strong and realistic casefic, recurring canon characters that feel true to themselves, whump that expresses the right amounts of terror without delving outside the scope of the show, and a slow burn journey of romance and self-acceptance that is meticulously paced, utterly realistic and hits every emotional mark flawlessly. Now that it’s back, make sure you don’t miss out.

Break Up:  Every Time We Touch – OblivionCastro 

·        Soulmate AU where the touch of your partner gives you pain.  A 5+1 fic, a soulmate fic, but mostly, a lyrically written story of enduring pain and enduring its loss. A wonderful metaphor for the agony of love and loss that brings me to tears every time.

Secret Relationship: Pink (& Other Promises) – leslielol 

·        Barba and Carisi fall together, and decide to keep it under wraps for a while; results vary. A common premise with uncommonly good prose. Vivid, lyrical language wraps around a soft story about affection, subterfuge, and acceptance.  A very different look at Barba and Carisi than the author’s main fic, but no less enduring and amazing.

WIP:  Much Farther To Go – nukablastr (M) 

·        The threats on Barba’s life have been declared a cold case, but Carisi decides to do some investigating on his own to protect the man he loves. This is the third part of a long series detailing the “missing” events in S17, and exploring beyond into “what could have been” if this major plot hadn’t been dropped. I added part 3 for the WIP, but recommend reading from the beginning. This story is expertly paced and plotted, and feels absolutely like it could be a piece of canon. One of the seminal works of the barisi fic fandom; read it if you haven’t.

Shadowing:  Mind if I Sit Down? – Larkin21 ( E ) 

·        Another episode tag based story from S17, featuring Carisi and Barba entering into a casual relationship behind the scenes. There’s not really many (or any!) full stories of Carisi shadowing Barba, but I was glad to be able to include this series, which features a full chapter on the shadowing episode. Again, I recommend reading the entire series, as it’s full of fantastically written plot and characterization, seamlessly weaving deep insights on the characters and blisteringly hot sex into the best seasons of the show. Another not-to-be-missed series!

Get Together:  I’m gonna leave it all out there to dry – littleblacksubmarine  ( E ) 

·        Carisi is barely keeping it together, and Barba is waiting to be allowed to help; a story of depression, self-loathing, comfort and devotion told through incredibly poignant intimate and sexual encounters. An unusual depiction of a very dark Sonny, and a protective, self-sacrificing Rafael who’s there for him every painful step of the way. Amazing story that captures perfectly some very different aspects of the characters than we typically see, and still feels 100% true. This story has broken and healed my heart so many times.

Holiday:  Pass Here and Go On – abogadobarba 

·        After the events of Undiscovered Country, Barba and Carisi reconnect, by chance, on a train of all places. Full of atmosphere, literary references, and some of the best prose in the fandom. This story is pure poetry, creating a tone of loneliness and longing, the sense of expanse and yet confinement that only travel can bring, and ultimately peacefulness and hope.  

Alternate Career Rafael: In This Light – Astronaut_Milky (M) 

·        Barba is a photographer, Carisi is a model, both men destined to keep finding… and losing, each other. Beautiful, sexy story about two men whose jobs keep bringing them together, and tearing them apart, full of light and heat and beautiful people and beautiful imagery.  

Undercover:  Have You Ever Wished For An Endless Night? – minnesotamemelord 

·        Carisi goes undercover at a high-powered legal event, and runs into someone familiar. A look at Sonny getting to go undercover at a nicer event than we normally see! Well written characterizations, and some interesting contemplations on unique issues, such as Carisi’s opinion on wealth and the wealthy that felt so spot on I immediately felt they were canon. Also, poor Rafael; he has such terrible friends!

5+1:  We Had No Haste – alwaysbuddy 

·        Carisi and Barba meet over and over in the most coincidental of places, but succumb to their own insecurities. Breathtaking story about two should-be fated lovers who continue to meet and connect over a multitude of vacations, but can’t bring themselves to reach for what they want, until they fear it may be too late. Gorgeous, atmospheric, romantic and sad, in equal measure, with an ending that’s happy, but still exudes a sense of so much lost time. This fic haunts my thoughts in the best ways.

Cooking:  Sustenance – AhumanFemale, tiberius (E ) 

·        Barba’s friends buy him a live-in chef for a time, so he can stop living on pretzels and coffee. Sweeping piece of art that exudes sensuality and the feel of time slipping through your fingers.

First Meeting:  Here and Now – wormghoul 

·        Barba and Carisi meet, and have a whirlwind romance, at LSAT camp before being parted until they meet again at SVU. The imagery and language used in this story has stuck with me for a long time. Shockingly, wrenchingly accurate descriptions of the feelings of holding memories dear, “as a talisman,” and the devastating feelings of having them torn away from you by reality… but also the hope that they can be made anew.  

Crack Fic:  It’s Not Too Late/Gag Order – cupidmarwani 

·        Carisi has a superpower, and has reached the end of his rope. Carisi has seen too much, and has the power to burn it all down. Barba wants to save him, but has to face stark reality. Short, intense story about the toll Carisi’s job takes on him, and how he becomes one of the monsters that he used to fight. Depressing, heartbreaking, terrifyingly relatable, this is an overlooked gem.

Confession:  Him. – keraunoscopia 

·        Carisi struggles with his sexuality and internalized homophobia, and seeks aid from the Church.  Quiet, powerful, painful, and so, so beautiful.

Domestic:  Daylight – cypress_tree ( E ) 

·        Carisi stays the night for the first time and Barba sees him in the sunlight. Short, sweet, hot. What’s more domestic than two people in love, unwilling to get out of bed and leave one another’s presence?

Fix It:  Good Morning – Kaye_21 (M) 

·        A threat to Barba’s life does not end well – repeatedly! Another “supernatural” style fic that shouldn’t be overlooked, even if it’s not your genre. Barba, stuck in a room with Carisi and a man out to kill them both, needs to figure out what is required of him to prevent their deaths, before he loses his mind. Fantastic character study. Terrifying, sad, sexy and hopeful. I chose this one for “fix it,” since as barisi itself could be considered a canon “fix it” or missed opportunity, and this fic itself embodies Barba himself finding a way to be that fix.

[nedlittle]

edward little looks™ rated by the people for the people

or: i asked the server to rate a bunch of neds

go for broke

a nice friend! beard evolution is to come but he’s got nice hair and is almost smiling and is Having A Good Time sharing history facts with the lads verdict: 8.5/10

the ladder

this is the evil foreman in a charles dickens novel. if you wiped my brain and showed me a picture of this man with absolutely no context i’d say we should guillotine him.  verdict: 1/10

good profile and fancy hat! standing with his buddies! points deducted for being at a funeral and this being the point where his mental health really starts to take a rapid turn to the Shit Zone verdict: 6.5/10

punished, as a boy

flat hair + controlled chops = evil capitalist. but he’s telling hickey to shut up so that’s valid verdict: 4/10

first shot a winner lads

excellent frosty eyebrows/chops. possibly the best hair/chop ratio too. if you’re cold, he’s cold. please don’t keep sending him between ships to steal booze and let him take a nap instead. verdict: 17/10

this is the midpoint of every gothic hero and it works. this man has a house full of ghosts and possibly killed his wife. points off because he doesn’t want to be acting commander verdict: 9/10

a mercy

my personal favourite look! excellent flippy modern au emo hair and scarf! your honour i love him. a wonderful boy shouldered with so much responsibility. verdict: 10000/10

a 7-year-old who stole his father’s hoodie and is now being forced to go to a holiday party instead of being able to stay home and watch cartoons verdict: 10/10

horrible from supper

not a personal fan of this look but i support it! this is the true neutral of ned looks. he’s so tired. please let him nap verdict: 5/10

“this smile deposits serotonin directly to my brain” -jess ceilingninja [no one else from natasha, pierre & the great comet of 1812 plays softly in the background] verdict:  ∞/10

terror camp clear

when you reach That Point in the semester when you have 8273601 assignments right before your exams which you haven’t started studying for yet and you consider the virtues of saying “no thanks” to society in favour of eating dirt and living in the woods verdict: 7/10

the c, the c, the open c

handsome but at what cost? nice hair won’t erase the fact that you considered leaving the sick behind to die. what the fuck my dude? also probably fake beard. verdict: 6.5/10

we are gone

again. bad probably fake beard. AND he’s crying. AND he’s getting rekt by scurvy. he looks like a dog who just realized he’s going to the vet and not the dog park verdict: 2/10

absolutely not. verdict: no points

[savagekxds]

basics ~

name: valerie katerina petrov age: 22 birthday: april 19 pronouns: she/her sexuality: bisexual blood status: pureblood species: human affiliation: order family: daisy petrov (mother), dominik petrov (father- deceased) faceclaim: alisha wainwright

wizard stuff ~

former school & house: hogwarts, slytherin boggart: her father as he was after the attack, reaching for her. however the form of her father is in flux and constantly changes to Kingsley and then back to her father patronus: on the rare occasion she produces a corporeal one it's a grey wolf current residence: oxford, london hometown: stratford-upon-avon, warwickshire, england occupation: magizoologist

biography ~

Valerie’s parents met during their school years, when her father, a Russian wizard from Koldovstoretz, visited with relatives who lived next door to her mother. Her father, Dominik Petrov, a talented wizard though somewhat cocky, liked to claim that he had fallen in love with her mother, Daisy Kallick, the very first time he saw her. Her mother, a proud Hufflepuff, was talented in her own right, but far less cocky then her father. They kept in contact during school and after graduating they reconnected and eventually married. Dominik became a sought-after potioneer and Daisy began work at the Ministry of Magic within the International Magical Office of Law.

Valerie, an only child, grew up in London, but they would often travel to Russia to visit her father’s family. Both her parents came from long and proud pureblood lines, but the importance of blood status to both families had waned within the last few generations. Valerie herself attended Hogwarts, and was quickly sorted into Slytherin. She does well at school, excelling in classes like DADA and Care of Magical Creatures, however she struggles somewhat in Potions and Transfiguration. Despite some difficulties she is an eager learner and curious about the world around her. During the school break before her fourth year her family were holidaying in Russia, visiting her grandparents. She and her father were on a multi-day hike through a mountainous forest near her grandparents house and had camped for the night when the werewolf attacked them. Her father was killed in the attack and she was severely injured, the only reason she survived was because she hid under his body until dawn. She was missing for two days before her family found her. After the attack she withdrew from her social circles significantly, she returned to school littered with gruesome scars and carrying a trauma far too heavy for a child’s shoulders.

There were lots of things, Valerie had found, that they didn’t tell you about recovering from trauma. She had expected the insomnia, the night terrors that came whenever she did manage to sleep, the stiffness in her bones as her injuries healed. What she hadn’t been expecting was the inability to look at herself in a mirror, each time dark brown eyes met their reflection all she could see was the blood, the wounds reopening as that hulking figure loomed behind her, teeth sharp and white in the darkness. She hadn’t expected the feeling like her throat was closing up every time someone asked what happened or every time her father was mentioned, like cold hands were wrapping around her lungs. But most of all she hadn’t expected the rage. It was a rage that lived in her chest, and she couldn’t explain it and never will. A rage that made her want to rip things apart just to see how they come undone and it terrified her. She may have escaped the attack without a bite, but the wolf had certainly left her with something other than the scars. Valerie kept it hidden as best she could, but each day she could feel it growing, festering like the only wound the healers couldn’t reach. She wanted to scream at the world, she wanted to break things apart, when she got angry now she no longer found herself reaching for her wand, her fists would do the trick just fine.

But she had to be better. Her father had always told her to be better. 
So she uncurled her fists, pushed back at the animal raging in her chest, demanding blood, and decided to be better. She joined the Order in her last year at school, maybe this anger could be used for something good, maybe if she helped bring down the bad people the rage would be satisfied.

After graduating from school she spent a few years travelling, training in magizoology. The travel and training helped her heal, more than she thought anything ever would. And the distance kept her safe from the war. But when she heard about the tide turning in favour of the Death Eaters she returned home to help protect her family and the people she loved.

physical appearance ~

height: 5′6 hair colour: black eye colour: dark brown distinguishing features: her scars, particularly her facial scars which run from above her left eyebrow, down her face and neck to below her collarbone. her hands and arms are also quite scarred, and she has a set of scars on the right side of her back running down and across her ribs to near her belly button, and a couple of scattered scars on her legs. fashion style: very simple and practical, likes loose, high-waist jeans and turtlenecks, also likes to layer, likes things with simple geometric patterns on them. usually wears sturdy but comfortable boots

traits ~

positive: gentle, intelligent negative: quick-to-anger, impatient

☽ – — more info