#terry fucks him through it to get him to calm down and so now johnny Needs to be fucked whenever he’s high

[cobrakatharsis]

thinking about terry sniffin cocaine in johnny's tits

yeah 🥰

terry introducing johnny to drugs - particularly coke - as a part of their insane unhealthy relationship is my favourite. especially because johnny just cannot handle it. his tolerance is so low, and coke makes him anxious and restless and clingy beside the high where it makes terry confident and animated and energetic, elated to get his fix, and terry loves it. loves feeling everything that coke makes him feel while he’s got johnny there too, his pretty little pet, whining and breathing all unsteady and climbing into terry’s lap to cling to him after only one line, his face flushed, skin hot to the touch, utterly helpless.

terry laughs at him and holds him while he keeps going, a big hand wrapped around johnny to keep him steady on terry’s thigh while terry bends over the neat lines on his expensive glass-top table. he needs a lot more than johnny does to get a real high, and johnny sucks at snorting anyway. he usually only gets a line or two in before he’s whining that it hurts, so terry ends up with fingers in the boy’s mouth, rubbing it into his gums and under his tongue. especially while they fuck, because johnny gets desperate when he’s high, beautiful and eager and compliant - he’ll let terry do anything, such a good boy.

infuriatingly, it’s rarely so easy to snort off of him when he’s like that, because he’s also so clingy and twitchy, but terry rarely minds. if johnny twitches and spills any of the lines from his tits, it’s no loss of money or resources that matters to terry, and gives him an excuse to punish the boy. spank him until he stays still, chest rising and falling dramatically as terry sets up again, making the most beautiful distressed little noises as terry works across his pretty tits, winding johnny up before finally beginning to torture his nipples.

and it’s a dream, to have johnny so hypersensitive and eager and desperate and wound up, cumming over and over again beneath terry but never telling him to stop. he’s perfect like this.

[ziltoidcoffee]

Out of curiosity, what would Daniel's bratty subby life look like with each of his crazy karate men? (Kreese and Mike optional)

(All right, anon. What a spicy ask! All of the headcanons below are pretty much AU and very dom/sub (nsfw). And sorry, I only did Silverusso and Lawrusso. I more brotp ship him and Chozen. I also don’t know Chozen’s personality well enough yet...)

Daniel is Johnny's little bratty boyfriend who wears his Cobra Kai jacket around his shoulders when he's cold and waits for him at the dojo with a towel ready to clean off his sweat. When they graduate, Daniel becomes his personal assistant while Johnny competes in national karate tournaments. Eventually, he does convince Johnny to leave Cobra Kai and start his own dojo—with enough pouting and sticking out his plush lips. But Daniel remains at his side, taking care of all the business Johnny has no patience to deal with. He also tends to his needs in the bedroom, as Daniel always has, riding Johnny when he’s too tired after a long day of training or moaning and crying under him while Johnny pounds into him on the floor because he’s too worked up to get into bed.

Though Daniel pleases him outside the sheets, cooking all of Johnny’s meals and cleaning up after him. Johnny would be worried about taking advantage of Daniel if it weren’t so obvious that his boyfriend loved doing so, even with all his whining and bitching. He’s used to all the complaints, especially after so many years, but unlike their first few encounters, Johnny doesn’t try to shut him up with his fists. Unless you count the one pulling on Daniel’s hair while Johnny shoves his cock into his mouth. That doesn’t really stop the noise though they usually end up having sex, and Daniel is always vocal, almost embarrassingly so if Johnny weren’t so turned on by it. His friends only found out about them because of Daniel’s lack of volume control. Right before the All Valley Tournament, Johnny pushed Daniel to his knees and took him in the locker room. He thought no one would know, but after his spectacular win, the cobras handed  Daniel the trophy then shoved him at Johnny with a grin. It was mortifying, but now he had his whiny, bratty needy boyfriend and his friends too.

…

Daniel is Terry’s little househusband who waits for him to come home from work, sitting on their large, king-sized bed in nothing but a collar and a see-through robe with ruffles. He is more than capable of fighting his own battles and finding work, but Terry likes to keep Daniel away from business and safe at home. So after a long day of boring meetings and uninspiring conference calls, Terry can return home to their mansion, rush to the bedroom, and shove Daniel against the mattress. Some days, he is rough and domineering, holding his husband down by the collar while he plows from behind. Other times, their sex is slow and sensual with Daniel riding him for hours. The chiming of his dog tag attached to his husband's collar fills the room either way, and Terry is calmed by the end, relieved Daniel is still with him.

His husband doesn’t always behave. He’s always been a bit of a spitfire, and Terry has to admit he enjoys Daniel’s defense, especially when there’s a punishment. He often makes Daniel sit on the floor at his feet while Terry eats breakfast. He’ll feed him every now and then if he’s good, but usually, his punishment carries on for days until Daniel breaks, apologizing to him in tears. But if he doesn’t, Terry will force him into the most embarrassing outfit of his choosing—maid, school girl, etc. There’s almost too many options. Then he’ll ask Daniel to clean the house, letting the staff go for the day. But Terry usually ends up fucking him a few hours into the ordeal, so he’s not sure if there’s really any retribution there. Eventually, Daniel does convince him—with the flutter of his lashes and push of his lips—to teach karate, something else for him to do with his days. Terry agrees as long as he uses their private dojo at home, and of course, he gets the final word on all things business. Daniel can give his little defense lessons and practice kata. But this doesn’t change their relationship at home. While Mr. LaRusso is respected by his teachers, Daniel LaRusso-Silver puts his collar back on and gets onto the bed, ass up waiting for his husband.

[larabiatasstuff]

Can you do when we are having really bad period cramps but we get into a fight with Johnny and he kicks us in the stomach ck kk3

Thank you for your request 🖤 I do my best anon☺️

(kk3) I was on my way to Terrys house, since we decided to spend the weekend together. The only bad thing we're the really strong period cramps which tortured me. I walked a little faster, I desperately needed the healing hugs of my boyfriend. "Look who we have here." a familiar voice sounded I turned around and looked in the face of Johnny Lawrence. "No not today, I don't have the nerves for this right now." I said and turned to leave but he grabbed me by my arm "Oh no you will not get away that easy this time and your boyfriend is not here to safe you so come on, show me what you got." the pain got worse and I couldn't think straight anymore so I held my hands up in defense "Johnny listen..." but in the exact moment a kick hit me in the stomach, I lay on the floor screaming in pain. A friendly old woman saw everything, she brought me into her home called the police and a doctor. When Terry arrived at the woman's apartment I burst into tears." Hey baby who did this, who hurt you?" I looked at him "It was Johnny Lawrence, I just wanted to go but he grabbed me and..." he pulls me into his chest. "That young man kicked her into the stomach. I saw it through my window. The doctor says she's okay but she needs to rest." the woman tells him. "Thank you so much for helping her if you need anything just tell me and I repay you." the woman shook her head "Take care of your girlfriend young man she needs you now. I'm old I don't need anything." Terry nodded and looked at me "Come baby I take you home. I promise Lawrence will regret that he put a hand on you."

(CK) Tory and I were on the way to the dojo. I wasn't in a very good mood cause my period cramps were really bad today. We talked about the upcoming class and I wasn't paying attention for a second and I bumped into something. "Oh I'm sorry I didn't.." then I saw who was standing in front of me.Johnny Lawrence "Look where the fuck you're going." he spits "I already said I'm sorry Lawrence." I tried to walk past him but he blocked my way "Who do you think you are? Just because you're Silvers little slut doesn't mean you can talk to me like that." he got more and more aggressive. "Tory go to the dojo I'm coming later." I told her. She nodded and ran away. "So just us huh? I have no problem with fighting you." I tried to calm him down "Johnny we don't have to fight each other. Just go your way and I go mine."exact in that moment he tried to punch me but I could evade it. I took my fighting stance but a really bad cramp hit me. Lawrence used that distraction and kicked me right into the stomach. I fell to the ground gasping for air." Not so cheeky now huh? " Lawrence said " Leave her alone Lawrence or you will regret it." Terry's voice sounded behind him "Aww cute the knight in shining armor. It's not the last time we have seen each other." with that he left Terry rushed over to me kneeling beside me "Careful my love. I'm here, I'll take you to the hospital just to be sure you're okay sweetheart. And I promise you Lawrence will get what he deserves."

[taughtdefense]

sender  curls  up  against  receiver  in  their  sleep .

these past few days have been intensely emotional & twice as hectic. as it stands, it seems like none of the miyagi-do students have had time for a break. it’s constant, nonstop movement from everyone, who are kicked into high gear. with you very recently getting out of the hospital from your near death experience, & robby very recently rejoining miyagi-do, & with the miyagi-do senseis ( & amanda, wade & vanessa, too ) planning on how to take silver down, there’s barely been any time to properly train with all three senseis. sensei toguchi seems to be incredibly capable ( you really like the fact that he keeps weapons on him to attack/defend himself from enemies if need be — you do something similar in various other lives ). you’ve not really spoken to mr. toguchi yet, only to introduce yourself to him, but if daniel trusts him to train his kids, then you trust him, too.

as for wade & vanessa, your parents are in the middle of the US right now, working their own jobs. while they’re doing that, they’re simultaneously on the lookout for any signs of terry’s reign of terror reaching past california.

as for you right now, you’re currently still feeling all sorts of joy with robby rejoining miyagi-do. to say you’re relieved about him leaving cobra kai is an understatement.

your injuries are still a little tender, & sometimes you struggle to put on or take off a shirt. you’ve been trying to hide your pain from everyone so they don’t worry about you, but none of your friends are stupid. you know that they know you’re still struggling with day-to-day activities, & that’s not even mentioning the mental ramifications of your near-death experience has had on your psyche. the medical-grade bandages are helping keep the stab wound from getting infected, & the medical-grade stitches are top-notch, so there’s that. you’re probably going to have a scar on your vessel, but a scar is better than being dead. so, you’re being extra careful not to push yourself too much in daily activities. it’s mostly for robby’s benefit, as opposed to yours, so he doesn’t have to keep worrying over you. mr. larusso & johnny are very adamant in not letting you train until you fully heal.

it’s something you only half agree with. you need to be ready in case something happens, but you also understand their worry in you pushing yourself too much in your current state.

it’s the middle of the night, & you’re laying in bed with robby, an arm wrapped protectively around his waist, staring up at the ceiling. you can’t seem to shut your brain up enough to fall asleep, which is what your body needs. you keep replaying the past few days’ events in your mind, picking apart every single idea the adults have had to take down silver, going through hundreds of potential outcomes.

if silver somehow catches wind of miyagi-do’s plans, what would he do? before you can stop, your mind quickly begins to spiral down that dark rabbit hole. what if that newcomer, sensei kim, makes tory or talia go after sam sam, just to get to daniel? what if silver has someone hurt robby to get johnny? you won’t let either of them out of your sight.

you’re fine with being silver’s punching bag. let him beat you up, let him give you another scar. you can handle that. what you won’t be able to handle is your friends & senseis getting hurt because of him. hell, in a heartbeat, you’d willingly go through all of that over & over again, as long as it keeps your friends & senseis safe.

your mind races with these various thoughts & you struggle to calm down, your expression flickering to one of fierce, protective determination. you shift your position slightly, wrapping your arm tighter around robby, your pupils flaring blood red in rage when you start thinking about silver hurting someone else, someone you care about. stingray was hospitalized by silver. mr. larusso was recently hurt by him, too, & finding that out had been fucking rage-inducing.

your own head rests on the two pillows against the headboard. it’s dark in your bedroom, but you can see robby perfectly. your racing thoughts are cut off when @taughtpain suddenly curls up against you in his sleep. you instinctively react, very carefully maneuvering yourself so he’s more comfortable with the way his head is on your chest, pulling him in closer to your body. your simulated heartbeat is calm, steady & soothing. you’re so fucking in love with him it hurts. you might not be able to fall asleep right now, but you can make sure robby’s own sleep isn’t disturbed. gently, as not to wake him from his sleep, you card your fingers through his hair. after a moment, you plant a tender kiss to the top of his head.

you then pull back a little, gazing down at robby asleep on your chest, carefully watching over him. all parts of you - both human & eldritch - are screaming at you to keep him safe from harm, no matter what it takes, because he’s the most important person in your life. almost everyone & everything else comes second to robby’s safety, happiness & general wellbeing. you love him. everyone around you knows that, long before you even realized it yourself. you’ve proven that again & again. you almost died for him. of course you’re going to protect robby. you reach for the blankets which became bundled around your waist some time ago, carefully pulling them up around robby’s shoulders. you need him to be safe. you won’t let him get hurt, if you can help it. not by landon, not by kenny, not by anyone.

[variousqueerthings]

The Karate Kid/Cobra Kai Star Trek AU ideas...

@phantomcomet talked about a Star Trek AU and then I went too far in writing this post imagining some roles in Star Trek. I’ve stuck to the adults from TKK/CK and maaaainly envisioned characters through the lens of Starfleet (although not only). 

Anyway, here’s some thots! Any Star Trek/CK fans add more!

First things first: I did not think of a name for the starship Miyagi’s captaining, so I’m just calling it Miyagi’s ship for now. (The Bonsai doesn’t seem like a ship name really. The Crane Kick not so much either... The Cobra totally works though... anyway, someone have some ideas?)

Miyagi: Captain of the ship (later an admiral and then retires to take care of his bonsais). Obviously has a soft spot for Daniel, whom he probably spotted doing some whiz-kid stuff on a shitty, broken down civilian ship and took onboard. You know, you probably don’t even have to mess with his backstory that much to make it fit, he grew up on a planet on the outskirts of the Federation and saw some shit and is doing good, a la similar to Kirk’s backstory. He’s experienced abandonment from the Federation, so he may work within the system, but he’s fucking with it at every turn he gets and does what he thinks is right (a la Sisko. If Kirk and Sisko had a baby? Strange thoughts, but tell me I’m wrong).

Daniel: Engineer. Low key kind of a prodigy with engines. Engineers aren’t as often officer-class (unlike science/medicine and command, which I believe always are), so I can see Daniel coming into that from a less privileged space – definitely not the Academy – and initially butting heads with Johnny (as well as a bunch of others). He’s not head of engineering, but he works for the Lead Propulsion Engineer. Also he talks to the warpcore. You know he does. All the time.

Johnny: Security Babey! Also backstory is maybe he was trying to get into a command situation onboard a different ship led by Captain Kreese and he was the golden boy, but things went South when he was pushed to doing something he didn’t feel right about, so he was demoted for something bad that he’d done on Kreese’s orders and then couldn’t let go of. And he brings that baggage aboard Miyagi’s ship.

At this point people joke about Miyagi taking on lost causes and strays…. (but never to his face).

Ali: Doctor, of course! Did everything by the book and sometimes dreams that she’d let go of her parents expectations and could go out and do something outside of Starfleet. I feel like she might’ve studied with Johnny at the Academy and for a short while been onboard Miyagi’s ship with him and Daniel, but gotten transferred into a more specialised field at some point (chasing the dream).

Kumiko: Okay there’s three different things I see for her

1. Presumably this is a galaxy-class/exploration ship (similar to the Enterprise) and so civilians are also onboard. If Kumiko isn’t with Starfleet, maybe she was using it as transport as an incredibly famous dancer and there’s a whirlwind romance that can’t last vibe.

2. if Starfleet, definitely in Command somewhere. I kind of love her for a first pilot/flight pilot.

3. Command. Even if she’s not in Starfleet I can see her having command of her own ship: Quietly competent, but steely in conviction and capability, that’s her!

Kreese: Used to be a Captain, but quietly was ousted from Starfleet during an internal investigation that showed up a lot of problems during his command and even before that. Star Trek has depicted war, and bigotry, and I think Kreese would probably have some dirty laundry there (some of which hasn’t been uncovered). Still bitter about losing his command and losing Johnny and has some personal business with Miyagi that he puts on Daniel, like in the movies.

The OG Cobras: They were all on Kreese’s ship originally, but dispersed after the incident with Johnny. I wonder if only Bobby stayed on, studying intergalactic faiths and assisting in various first communications and interchanges.

Someone help me out with Jimmy, Tommy, and Dutch. Continue on in Starfleet, yay or nay?

Yukie: I caaannot see her as Starfleet. She obviously grew up with Miyagi on that planet and I feel like she’s heavily involved in the rebuilding efforts and has been her whole life. She’s traveled to earth multiple times to petition for relief efforts, and is incredibly anti-war – there’s a whole department dedicated to her work – wait is Yukie basically some hotshot activist who condemns Federation Neo!Colonialism… I feel like… that’s poetic… also you know where Kumiko gets her calm competence from!

Sato: I mean he’s some big-shot admiral while Miyagi’s still Captain and they have History! I think Sato bought into the Federation a lot more and is consistently angry at Miyagi’s choices and wants to initially trip him up, but he just can’t. And eventually they find themselves back home and patch things up – it’s the intergenerational environmental Trauma babey. You need to go back to the source to begin to heal.

Chozen: Speaking of intergenerational trauma… I mean, he’s gone through the Academy, he’s wound up as a combat pilot/second pilot on a great ship, (in this Sato isn’t captaining a ship, he’s risen in the ranks, but he’s pulling strings), he’s going through it. Unsure of what actually would happen, but I like him for combat pilot as a counterpoint to Kumiko’s flight pilot. Poetic.

Terry: OOOOKaaaay, who the heckening is Terry Silver in this? In canon I already HC him as almost a ghost, so how does that translate here? He’s an intergalactic crime boss, he’s got 50 different stories told about him (he’s an augment like Khan, he’s worked with Borg, he’s got contacts throughout the Federation, he came from the Gamma Quadrant) – only Kreese marginally knows him and knows he used to be an ensign, but before that… even he’s not sure…

Barnes & Snake: They work for Terry… do you think he’d do a longterm con of getting his own people into Starfleet through the Academy? I feel like he would. Officer Class, except Snake probably wound up in lowgrade security, I cannot see him having the brains to move that far up the ladder. I’m inventing a whole conspiracy now…. or maybe Terry hired Barnes after he got kicked out of the Academy, hmmm...

Jessica: I want her to be Science Class, so that’s what she is. Research and Development. Social sciences and Xeno-archaeology. She makes and collects gifted pots.

Carmen: She’s a nurse. I feel like she also came through in an unconventional way, possibly studying nursing in a civilian capacity and worked on civilian ships for a few years, using it as payment for traveling with her mom and her kid. Then, eventually, ends up on the same Starship as Johnny and Daniel and Co. (and now I kinda want to see her training under Ali, but in my head Ali left before Carmen entered the picture).

Rosa: I feel like the Diaz family didn’t grow up on earth – I’m aware that this puts people of colour mainly off-earth, but I’m thinking about Star Trek’s earth-metaphor as “paradise” (DS9) while it lets all the nasty stuff happen outside, which is… very similar to “first world/third world country” rhetoric + how in Karate Kid and Cobra Kai first Miyagi and then the Diaz family are immigrants. I think Rosa Diaz would get on with Miyagi – like a type of Guinan and Picard situation, where she’s definitely a civilian, but constantly ends up on conversation with the Captain and he’s not quite sure what exactly her history is. Also I’m imagining a lil toddler-Miguel on a big starship.

Amanda: Similar to Kumiko I can see Amanda in a lot of places – administrative? Officer class? Intelligence officer/analyst? Bridge crew? Captain-in-training? What are we thinking here? Also I wonder about her past, but that’s something I do in canon as well. I kind of like the idea that she’s worked incredibly hard for what she has, putting herself through the Academy, presenting the front of someone who grew up with giving parents on the “Paradise” of earth, but actually she didn’t…

[closetofanxiety]

50 Wrestling Questions: Why Not

Remember this? It’s been a while. Let’s do this again. Let’s twist again like we did last summer. Or the summer of 2017 in this case.

1. What got you into wrestling?

People ask me this all the time, and I don’t really have a good answer. I’ve liked it on and off since I was very young, and who knows why you like the stuff you like when you’re a little kid? 

2. What is your favorite wrestling promotion?

Of all time: ECW, even though I would probably think of it very differently if it were happening today. Currently: Beyond Wrestling. 

3. Favorite male wrestler of all time?

Gorgeous George, but if we’re talking about people who were alive when I was alive, Dusty Rhodes. I want to say Bruiser Brody, but in my heart I would know I was just saying that to look cool. 

4. Favorite female wrestler of all time?

Gail Kim. For the longest time, she was the only woman in a major global wrestling company who got over based on her wrestling ability. She was doing stuff in TNA that was years ahead of its time, and could adapt her style to get great matches with a variety of opponents with very different backgrounds. And she can still go, as she showed in the match against Tessa Blanchard the other night. I know it would be cooler to say Bull Nakano or Chigusa Nagayo or something, but I don’t know enough of their stuff to make that claim credible. I am who I am, a person who goes to the mall to buy shoes. 

5. Favorite current male wrestler?

Nick Gage

6. Favorite current female wrestler?

Momo Watanabe 

7. Favorite theme song?

Joey Janela’s music captures his vibe perfectly, and sounds great being blasted out of PA speakers inside a small bar or VFW hall. Of all time, probably, I don’t know, Honky Tonk Man? In an ironic way that slowly becomes sincere?

8. Least favorite theme song?

Ricochet’s WWE theme music is pretty dreadful. 

9. Favorite gimmick?

Currently: Orange Cassidy. All time: Road Warriors maybe? They were almost 100 percent gimmick, and they were the biggest tag team in the world at a great time for tag team wrestling. 

10. Least favorite gimmick?

All the racist and gay-hating gimmicks that have been used throughout the years are more or less equally horrible. If we’re talking about a terrible gimmick that was non-malignant, I’d say it was taking giant indestructible ass-kicker Mike Awesome and making him “That 70s Guy.” 

11. Best entrance (either their usual entrance or a special one, like a Wrestlemania entrance)?

Gorgeous George had the best entrance of all time, and it’s been copied ever since (Ric Flair’s entrance is basically Gorgeous George’s, scored with a different piece of classical music). The Sandman also had a great entrance. He was kind of all-entrance, now that I think of it. I also love those old shows in Japan where Brody would come out to “Immigrant Song” running through the crowd, swinging a fucking chain over his head like a lunatic. An entrance that makes you fear for your life: mission accomplished. 

12. Best Undertaker Wrestlemania match?

I am not the right person to ask for Undertaker superlatives, but the Lesnar match had a legitimately shocking conclusion that I still appreciate 

13. Most overrated?

I’m tempted to incur the wrath of the online by making a contrarian hot take selection like Ken Omega, but in reality it’s probably the Undertaker. 

14. Most underrated?

There are a million choices from before the 1980s, the Before Time of contemporary pro wrestling. Edouard Carpentier, say; he was having matches in 1970 that would not look out of place in 2019. Since the 1980s, I’d say Jerry Lynn is a very strong contender for most underrated. The popular choice would be Sid or Lex Luger, but I think they’re pretty much rated exactly as they should be. 

15. Have you ever been to an event? If so, which one?

I certainly have been to many pro wrestling events. I go to one or two a month. Like a lot of things, wrestling is pretty much always fun in person. It helps that the Northeast has a ton of good companies within easy driving distance. My favorite show of all time might be Americanrana 2016. 

16. Who has the best merch?

We’re in a weird period where people on Instagram are making better shirt designs (in insanely limited editions) than the vast majority of wrestlers or wrestling companies. I will say that Kris Wolf has yet to make an ugly or boring piece of merchandise, which is a huge complication in this day and age. 

17. Do you own any merch?

Nope! Wait, I mean, “yes, entirely too much.” Shirts, 8 x 10s, DVDs, magazines, random pieces like fancy enamel badges and a stack of Okada bucks. The one thing I’ve never gotten into is action figures, and that’s probably good for the ol’ bank balance. 

18. Best nickname?

"The American Dream” Dusty Rhodes is an all-time classic. 

19. Worst nickname?

"The Game” is a dumb nickname. “The Cerebral Assassin” is also a dumb nickname. Are assassins supposed to be stupid? I bet they’re typically very smart, although of low moral character. “Triple H” is his only good nickname, and even that sounds like the nickname of a guy who owns a car dealership out by the highway.

20. Best mic skills?

Nobody was ever better than Bobby Heenan, who had incredible range and versatility. He could do comedy and he could do menace. He could do calm and he could do spitting rage. He had an uncanny sense of timing and was quicker on his feet than almost anyone. No one really comes close at matching his astonishing depth, but Dusty Rhodes was an all-time great promo. He really made you care about wrestling matches, which is not an easy thing to do.

21. Most annoying?

I mean, it has to be Vince McMahon. 

22. Most attractive male?

Is Tanahashi too obvious a choice? Best hair in wrestling. It’s incredible and luxurious, like an untamed mountain stream. Andrade “Cien” Almas or whatever they’ve shortened his name to (”And”) is a handsome man. Killer Kross: very handsome. We live in a golden age of attractive wrestlers. Just look back at the gassed-up Zubaz mastodons of the 1980s, or the territories-era guys who all looked like they were 48 years old and had pot bellies. You almost have to try to find unattractive wrestlers. Nick Gage, for instance. But I’m sure even he has his swooning admirers. 

23. Most attractive female?

Again, what a time for attractive wrestlers. It may be shallow, but wrestling is a business that’s at least partially cosmetic. Attractive people sell tickets. I would, and have, bought a ticket to see Hana Kimura. 

24. Favorite faction?

Of all time? Probably the Barry Windham-era Four Horsemen. More recently, Team Pazuzu. 

25. Worst faction?

BULLET CLUB. No, it’s not the Bullet Club, as exhausted as they’ve become. It’s probably the nWo after early 1998 or so, when they had like 60 members and dragged down every storyline. 

26. Best ring gear?

Su Yung and Pentagon Jr. 

27. Who do you think would be the nicest in real life?

I bet Jerry Lynn is a good guy to know. People in wrestling universally praise Little Guido, which is very rare. The Young Bucks seem like they might be decent dudes. Willow Nightingale told a story on a podcast about Nick Gage excitedly playing with Solo Darling’s dog backstage, so you never know. 

28. Who would be the rudest in real life?

On the indie level, it’s probably someone who doesn’t work very much. Above the indie level, I bet some of those British guys are secretly horrible, like Jimmy Havoc. 

29. Favorite heel?

Currently it’s a tie between MJF and Alisha Edwards, two of the only people who can regularly get indie crowds to boo them. Of all time, heel Flair was hard to beat. 

30. Most hardcore?

It’s definitely either a guy in Japan or a guy in Mexico, and he’s definitely been burned by explosive charges multiple times. Onita? It’s probably Onita. Or Jun Kasai? I think Onita has probably been exploded more times than Jun Kasai. 

31. A wrestler you could beat?

At wrestling? Not a single one of them. Nicholas, the small boy who won the WWE tag team championship with Braun Strowman, would wipe the floor with me. Even the most callow bodybuilder-turned-wrestler would not break a sweat beating me senseless. But writing talking points for senior administration officials in preparation for legislative testimony? Now you’re on my turf. Not so tough now, huh, Nicholas? 

32. Best story line?

Freebirds vs. Von Erichs or Stone Cold vs. Vince. My heart says the former, my head says the latter. 

33. Biggest missed opportunity for a story line?

The WWE blowing the invasion angle after purchasing WCW is the obvious one. More recently, they blew it by not turning Reigns heel. 

34. Worst story line?

Ha, so many of them. Impossible to choose just one. At least most of the dumb embarrassing Russo ones in WCW and TNA were basically harmless, like the time Samoa Joe got kidnapped by ninjas. The Chuck and Billy wedding thing was far worse. A low point even by Vince’s impressively cretinous standards.

35. Which wrestler should turn heel?

I’d like to see a Jordynne Grace heel run in Impact. Heel Finn Balor would also be good. 

36. Which wrestler should turn face?

Samoa Joe has a good fiery babyface, “I’m tired of doing your dirty work, McMahon!” run in him. 

37. Who would be the worst to room with?

Can you imagine sharing a living space with Enzo Amore? Or the thicket of twee Disney merchandise you’d have to negotiate every day if you lived with Johnny Gargano?

38. Who would be the best to room with?

I bet Eddie Edwards would be a surprisingly thoughtful roommate, like he’d always do the dishes “because I love doing them!,” that kind of thing. I have nothing to base this suspicion on, he just seems like my old roommate, Shane, who was like that. 

39. Who would be your best friend if you were a wrestler?

I’d like to say Jushin Thunder Liger, and posit that we would go on exciting adventures, but the answer is probably something like “Comp Time” Terry Dandridge, who wrestles monthly for 2Xtreme All-Pro Wrestling Alliance out of Euphoria, Kansas and has a 9 to 5 as a hardware store manager. 

40. What would your job be in a wrestling promotion?

I’d normally make a self-effacing joke here, but I do social media training at my real job, and so many wrestlers are badly in need of help in this area. 

41. Favorite wrestling podcast/Youtube channel?

I like AIW’s “The Card is Going to Change” podcast a lot, and there’s one by the owners of RevPro that’s pretty good. It’s hard to find a well-produced wrestling podcast that talks about independent wrestling. My favorite wrestling YouTube channel is OSW Review. 

42. Favorite finisher?

BURNING HAMMER

43. Least favorite finisher?

The Bayley-to-belly suplex. HOW IS THIS A FINISHING MOVE

44. Favorite match?

Kerry Von Erich vs. Jerry Lawler at Superclash III. It was a bloody, weird, engrossing spectacle, and it was the symbolic end of the territories era. 

45. Favorite PPV?

Royal Rumble is the last PPV my casual fan friends reliably want to see, and with good reason: it’s engrossing.

46. Guilty pleasure wrestler?

Big Banter Baron Corbin, but I feel no guilt here. He rules. 

47. Favorite submission?

THE KATA HA JIME, otherwise known as the Tazmission.

48. Most entertaining to watch?

All time? Randy Savage. Currently? Io Shirai. 

49. Best spot?

Anyone spitting mist into the unsuspecting eyes of their foes

50. Who do you most respect?

I respect you, booker man.